IV: May the Fourth Be with You Great Movie Mistakes

Bad luck, movie makers, it's us again.

This is the show that takes out its geeky monocle

and scrutinises your puny human efforts.

We'll pore over every frame to find your boobs...

Yeah. Can we have another go?

I'm not sure, "find your boobs" is quite right. Thanks.

-Action!

-Where was I?

Ah, yes.

This may look, to you, like a renovated church,

but, in fact, it's a nerve hub.

It's a nucleus - an offshoot of the Matrix.

Well, all right, it is a renovated church

but just off camera, in the crypt, is a team of pale-faced, muttering,

gibbering, almost subhuman creatures that we call our researchers.

They've taken dedication to the point of actual mania.

They're now unable even to go for a cup of coffee

without going up to complete strangers and shouting,

"You were holding that cup in the other hand five minutes ago, you LOSER!"

Either that or they're just looking at Facebook

and cutting and pasting from IMDB but it's probably the first one.

On tonight's show...

And which of these films made the most mistakes in just one scene?

Find out later!

So, on with the show.

Now, if you're anything like me,

you've been transported inside the software world

of a mainframe computer where you have to offer up

astonishing movie blunders in an attempt to get back out.

But you're not like me at all - quite the opposite.

I'm on the television and you're poised over Twitter

ready to be all cross at me for doing another clip show -

to which I can only reply, "Welcome to Great Movie Mistakes IV!"

And by the way - only one of us gets to ride that incredible Laser Bike.

Hashtag, it's me.

Let's look at our first batch of Hollywood howlers.

I want what you owe me...

Here's The Dark Knight Rises -

big scale thrills but a huge, preposterous letdown.

-Nice outfit. Those heels make it tough to walk?

-I don't know.

Good question, though, as only moments later we get the answer.

They're clearly retractable heels that disappear when running

and brawling's on the cards.

Could Bruce Wayne of stately Wayne Manor be a benefits cheat?

Consider this evidence.

Here he's having a chat with Mr Fox...

If you filed your entire R&D budget into a fusion project...

..but as soon as he realises the cameras are on him

a walking stick suddenly appears.

Next year expect to see him break dancing

on Britain's Got Talent.

I can't. I can't, Lucius.

Fighting and chaos reigns in Gotham City

and the smell of testosterone is high

but one man seems more lavender-scented...

Did you see him? Rewind!

This chap's fighting nobody at all!

Listen, matey, you're only supposed to punch the air

when you win a fight.

Glossy and entertaining as The Hunger Games was,

it left many fans disappointed - and is this why.

Look at the flowers being thrown at the parading chariots.

We will not be overlooked. Now, I LOVE that!

Now look at the roadway - completely clear.

No wonder everyone's so hungry if all their vegetation self-destructs.

Politically thrilling political thriller The Ides Of March

has Philip Seymour Hoffman visiting a pretend barber

who pretends to cut his hair.

I mean, it looks like a nice close cut but where are all the clippings?

Nothing's actually been cut off.

Ah, ready to face the world with a fresh new non-haircut.

Lacklustre and rushed - it's the not-so-Amazing Spider-Man

where Peter and The Lizard are having a dust-up.

And boy, does Peter get dusted up!

Though realising that he'll upset Aunt May,

he quickly cleans himself up again - a bit.

Gwen, I worry if Peter's the right guy for you.

When you chat, although you may think you've got his attention

with his earphones out...

-Oh, it's Thursday.

-It's Thursday?

-What happened to your eye?

..he's only half-listening as his right earphone springs back in.

No, love, the right ear!

-Hey.

-What do we have here? A concealed weapon?

Hey, it's his grandmother's suit!

Now this a blatant mistake from the fairly good,

reasonably fun Men In Black III.

..before you press that...

I'll leave it to you to work out what the error is.

If you can't get it,

you probably need some suddenly appearing glasses.

Ah, that's a giveaway.

..is a standard issue Neuralyzer.

In this scene from the surprisingly tense, watch-through-your-fingers,

Woman In Black, Harry Potter's brought a magic dog with him,

from Hogwarts. There he is overtaking the dog...

and now suddenly the dog's in front of him again.

It's probably some sort of spell.

"Teleportio!" or something.

I don't know if you've noticed this, but some films like

The Bourne Identity and Annie just have normal heroes in them.

Whereas all the best films have superheroes in them,

who are like normal heroes but superer.

One of my favourite superhero films this year was Avengers Assembly,

where all the Avengers and their teachers

got together in the main hall and sang hymns.

I'm really looking forward to the sequels - Avengers Harvest Festival,

Avengers Nativity and Avengers Wet Break.

Right, shut up, everyone, it's Avengers Assemble,

which is MASSIVELY exciting.

Here Captain America takes a shot,

causing terrible damage to his costume and body...

..and over here everyone's second favourite Sherlock Holmes

but first favourite Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr,

has a great big cut to his right eyebrow...

..but here's proof of the power of positive thinking -

all evidence of damage has gone from the Captain's cozzie

and the Iron's cut has miraculously healed.

Now Thor and Iron Man are having a scrap.

Thor sends Iron Man flying off into the woods.

You want me to put the hammer down?!

Then when Thor turns on Captain America, he's all like,

"My American shield will protect me,"

and Thor then flies off into the woods...

..but when they all get up, they're about a metre apart.

Those Avengers Assembled a little too quickly, if you ask me!

Are we done here?

Part of the skill of being a special effects wizard is making sure

that none of your tricks of the trade are exposed.

Unfortunately in this clip we have the FX version of an upskirt...

..as the ratchet cable used to spin the car is clearly visible.

There are some superheroes you really invest in

and others nobody gives a toss about.

Captain America, now, and you'll see here

how Steve goes into the getting-buff-matron

in perfect-fitting trousers...

Mr Stark!

..which still fit perfectly after he's gone all big.

Still, it's by that logic that we all avoided seeing

Lou Ferrigno's naughty bits, so, you know, every cloud.

After some impressive underwater rough and tumble,

Steve throws Heinz out of the water and onto the dock

but, miraculously, both of them are dry.

This is a shame, I'd have loved to see them both have a rub down

with some fluffy towels before he takes that deadly pill.

Tomorrow shall take its place.

One of Captain America's unsung superpowers

is the ability to deteriorate buildings.

Here he is making an evil Nazi railing break by sheer

power of charisma and pectorals.

Intact here...

-Got to be a rope or something!

-Just go! Get out of here!

Not going without you!

..and broken here.

In the sequel he takes down Stalin with some well-placed dry rot.

A shocking, sad and pivotal scene from the Amazing Spider-Man, here,

as Uncle Ben's shot down...

..but here's proof Charlie Sheen's dad's just doing his actor day job.

See how he falls to the ground with glasses on?

Well, he must be taking a nap,

as when Peter rushes to help him here, the glasses are off.

Someone call an ambulance!

Keep your eyes on this numberplate.

Hmm, is this Eastern Europe?

Thought so.

This is the contrived, forgotten Ghost Rider sequel.

Look at the numberplate now -

it's reversed.

That's the problem with ghost riders -

the numberplasms on their motorspookles

are very unreli-I-I-I-able!

Finding out they've developed superpowers

makes the kids in effective low-budgeter Chronicle

really excited,

and, like most teenage boys, they celebrate

by trying to hurt each other.

Steve gets Matt slap-bang under the right eye...

THEY LAUGH

Dude, get off! Get off! What are you doing?

-Underhand.

-I tried, man. I tried.

..but soon they're laughing on the other side of their faces.

Sorry, bruising on the other side of their faces.

Now we come to the mistakes, which are so asinine, so dumb,

so daft, so idiotic, so brainless, so thick, so inept

and just so plain stupid they get a whole category to themselves.

'Cut!'

What? That was perfect. I'm not doing it again. That was fine.

How to completely sell out a joke -

basically, what you do, is have a funny idea,

like these commune people in the utterly standard Wanderlust,

making a feature of never clapping but finger-rubbing.

This is much less aggressive than clapping.

Try it. Try it. Seriously, it's better.

Two, three...

Then, later on, have the exact same people clap like us normal folk.

That's one joke that won't be bothering anyone again!

Marginally diverting Man On A Ledge next,

and in this clip, man not-yet-on-a-ledge

is being very careful to remove his fingerprints

from everything he touches.

Oh, except the window he's going to open with his bare, fingerprinty,

made-of-clue hands.

Rookie mistake.

Like using a Dyson Airblade then touching the toilet door.

So where's the first place the forensics dust for prints?

Easy! But let's spell it out to you.

Oh.

I'm a bit nervous of using the word "headcount"

when one of the icky Final Destination films

is concerned, but listen to this...

Among the survivors were eight employees of Presage Paper,

on their way to a business retreat,

the other 17 employees were killed in the collapse...

Eight survivors and 17 dead.

That's 25 people.

So why have they only bothered here with 18 passengers plus the driver?

Not the sort of cuts I was expecting in this film.

You know in the Sound Of Music

where Julie Andrews is bellowing her head off on a bus

and none of the other passengers bats an eyelid?

Well, this is exactly like that, only with werewolves.

Anyway, there are evil hell creatures tearing cars apart...

but the people on the pavement stroll on taking as little notice

as the cinema-going public does of the Underworld films.

It's the better-than-expected Fright Night remake.

Now look at how Charlie's mum

protests at mowing down poor Jerry here.

Mom, just hit it!

Charlie, no!

Just BLEEP hit it!

But even though Charlie grabs the wheel,

it's quite obvious it's his mum with the foot on the accelerator,

carrying out the very thing she doesn't want to do.

I'm not doing a joke about women drivers. I'm just not.

Hey, Mom.

Watch this for an absolute ruddy mess-up and a half,

in the seen-it-all-before time-travel movie, In Time.

Happy 50th!

50? That's right.

25 for the 25th time.

Did you spot it?

Course, 25 for the 25th time would actually be her 49th birthday.

..for a girlfriend...

Tsk. I bet the guys responsible

celebrated the millennium in 2000 as well, like idiots.

Now where's my real ale?

Men, eh? Won't ever listen to directions.

In this clip from a big waste of time called Abduction,

Nathan is clearly told to go to...

Got that, Nathan?

Clarendon Avenue. This is the street.

Avenue? It's Boulevard, for goodness' sake!

You get asked to do one simple thing... AND that's Apartment 202.

Well, this is a disas... Oh...

..it's the right house despite all that.

Lucky!

Whether the Earl of Oxford was actually Shakespeare is still

open to debate.

No, it isn't. He wasn't!

But we can all agree he was one hell of a horticulturist.

Here in the abominable Anonymous,

he presents Ben Jonson with a red and white Tudor Rose.

My Lord.

The Tudor Rose.

The most beautiful of flowers, do you not think?

Problem is, the Tudor Rose is not so much your actual flower,

more your totally invented heraldic symbol.

Hard to come by.

For any science fiction fans who may be watching,

I have prepared the following statement.

"Doctor Spock said 'Beam Me Up, Scotty' and walked onto the bridge

"of The Firefly where he bumped into the character Doctor Who who

"was chatting to Hans Solos about the time he was frozen in Kryptonite."

The sci-fi fans have probably gone away now,

moaning about our inaccuracies on their special internet forums,

so we can enjoy some mistakes in sci-fi films

without destroying their world.

The biggest problem in the old west, after cholera,

was how to accessorise.

Here's Daniel Craig in the humourless Cowboys & Aliens

deciding that his special "alion" bracelet is too heavy to ride in.

Now he's changed his mind and it's on again.

Honestly, no wonder cowboys take so long to get ready.

Or is that women? I always get them mixed up.

That's why I found Brokeback Mountain so confusing.

In this bar scene, James Bond's drinks are not so much

"shaken not stirred" as "poured not drunk".

Where did you get your bracelet?

There's something you don't know about me, lady.

You don't remember anything, do you?

What do you want?

He's so busy sloshing out the whisky

that he forgets to do the drinking it part.

And all without a coaster, too.

You do not want to see the rings on that bar.

Some she-actors find getting off horses unladylike,

so in this clip Olivia Wilde bypasses the problem

by simply refusing to do the middle bit.

"Look, I'll just stand next to it, OK?"

"Yes, I know I was sitting on it in the last shot. Nobody'll notice."

Putting the "bored" into "board game",

here's the horribly unsubtle Battleship.

Here, not only does Alex show off his pathetic robbery skills,

if you look at the clock on the CCTV feed,

he also manages to leap backwards and forward in time

like a rubbish Doctor Who.

It would seem that Commander Stone Hopper's mum

must've popped his gloves on idiot strings

as he manages to slip them on and off throughout this scene

with ease.

FOGHORN BLOWS

They're off now.

But they're back here.

But see how the ultrasonic attack shatters all the glass?

Well, maybe Mum knitted a binoculars case,

as these lenses are fine.

Thanks, Mum!

What the hell is this?

When you're under attack from a ruddy great big robot ship

from outer space, it's important that you have a change of pants

and plenty of ammunition.

Especially when your cannons get destroyed.

You all right?

They ain't going to save this battleship, no way.

But, hey, why not just grow them back instantaneously

like these guys do in the following shot?

Fresh water.

Contagion now, which is different from Outbreak because...

Well, because it's... Look, it just is, all right?

To illustrate the power of the disease,

here's a miserable montage of deserted cities.

As we know, only three things could survive a global virus.

Sea creatures, cockroaches, and the ruddy rush-hour traffic.

Charming '80s-based "alion" fun with Super 8 now,

and evidence that Hollywood really is another world.

When they need to move a bus, they do it with a massive chain...

..as you can see here,

whereas the rest of us earthlings look on and say,

"Why not just drive the bus?"

The real reason why kids shouldn't play with fireworks now.

It's a little-known fact that when anyone under the age of 18

so much as holds a sparkler, like young Joe here...

..it will spontaneously light itself.

'I'll never forget that year.'

'I was young, I was full of hope,

'I was shooting Great Movie Mistakes IV.'

'Of course, I didn't know then what a fool I was,

'none of us saw what was just round the corner.

'Then, one day, while I was introducing a section

'on biographical films, it all became clear to me.'

But you're not going to find out what became clear to me,

because like all biographical films, we're going to jump

straight into flashback the moment it looks like getting interesting.

Robert! Time for your tea! It's Spangles and Angel Delight!

Sigmund Freud is the subject of the revealing but somewhat mediocre

A Dangerous Method.

Here, Freud is packing up his books, and is probably so busy

thinking about rude thoughts and mucky stuff

that he doesn't even notice that when he picks his book up,

it stays where it is.

..excise his father's name from the cartouches.

Then, suddenly, it's on his papers.

This was something traditionally done by all new kings who didn't

wish their father's name to continue to be public currency.

And then he puts it back on his papers to leave.

Now for a bit of J Edgar, the flat and dreary biopic

of the ex-Director of the FBI and inventor of the Dyson.

Look at this cereal box that Tolson puts down.

There's a short conversation...

..and as Tolson leaves, he picks up the box,

which now faces the other way.

As continuity goes, that's not g-rrrrrrrrreat.

Guns and God now, in the very earnest and worthy

and all those sorts of words Machine Gun Preacher.

Jan Leeming looks on proudly as Gerald or Gerard Butler is baptised

and does all kinds of face-acting.

Hallelujah!

In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ...

Problem is, all his clothes are already wet.

He's getting born again again.

The biggest movie mistake of all, of course, is Madonna's film career.

In her self-directed monstrosity W.E.

her research into the Royal Family is impeccable.

'King George III has died, and the nation mourns.'

Well, George III died in 1820. She meant George V.

Either that or she turned over two pages

in the Ladybird Book Of Kings And Queens.

Nothing really matters,

sang pop pensioner Madonna as a line in a song once.

And historical accuracy is one of them.

Wallis and Edward are papped to within an inch of their lives,

provoking absolute outrage in the British press.

In actual fact,

UK newspapers carefully covered up the scandal, and the story

wasn't reported until after Edward's abdication the following December.

Madge would be hung up for that howler!

Would you look at that?

Me, presenting Great Movie Mistakes Minus One.

It was a prequel we made to set up some back story for the shows.

What makes me so keen to point out sometimes quite trivial mistakes

in movies, why do I hate continuity errors so very much,

what is the big problem

with seeing camera equipment reflected in things?

Yeah, it's all here in Great Movie Mistakes Minus One: The Prequel.

Because prequels are great.

Effective apocalyptic thrills in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes,

or should that be Disappearance Of The Bodies Of The Apes,

as clearly, while many of these apes are being shot at

and are likely to, you know, peg out...

..when Will later drives away there's not a single

dead simian to be seen.

Maybe this was the pre-watershed edit for Ape TV.

Get these people off the bridge!

OK, car fans, hands up who knows the difference between a Nissan

and a Volkswagen?

I don't know why you've got your hand up, Serkis.

One minute you're standing on a Nissan Maxima...

..the next it's a VW Jetta.

Oh well, you know what they say.

You pay peanuts, you get your cars mixed up.

Oh, take a look at these lovely gloves,

because for as long as costume designers provide actors

with gloves, actors will find ways

to forget whether they should be wearing them or not.

Isn't that right, Noomi Rapace

in plot-hole-riddled-shambles that is Prometheus?

Out now, from Prometheus Products, the all-new three-in-one flashlight!

Boarding an "alion" spaceship? Need a flashlight with three lights?

Not a problem, eh, Holloway?

More of a one-light-flashlight kind of guy?

With the Prometheus Three-In-One, it's easy.

Joan from Tenby has got hers. Buy now!

Prometheus was one big movie mistake,

compared to the original and best, Alien, but that had errors too.

Ignore the fact that it's 2122

and they're still using Commodore VIC-20s.

It seems in space no-one can see you spell,

as "Alignment" has an extra "L".

Can I do the "it's one 'L' of a movie" joke?

No? Gits.

Parker here can never get a word in edgeways at dinner parties,

but this time he goes to extraordinary lengths.

You think he's stopped speaking?

No, he's still talking while smiling. Look again.

He could give Keith Harris a run for his money with that skill.

In the grim, brutal fearfest Aliens,

Ripley doesn't like hospital food and tries to escape.

But this isn't the first time she's tried it.

Look at those two scuff marks.

Oh, now just one mark.

Go on, Ripley, save the film for continuity's sake!

Both marks are back. Breathe easy, everyone!

Never mind those awful Aliens Vs Predator movies.

This film is a mash-up with the Bionic Man,

as metal mechanical parts can clearly be seen on the alien queen.

Can we rebuild him? Sorry, her.

Once I'm done here,

I must get a sleeping bag for the Star Wars 7 premiere queue.

But I shan't be buying the membranous one

that Ripley got from FutureMillets,

as while she looks snug as a bug tearing out of it,

if you rewind...

..her head and legs are already out.

Alien: Resurrection was a letdown, an absolute joke of a film.

And in this joke film, the props were jokes, too.

See how this barbell solidly catches Ripley in the face?

Well, when Christie swings it about, we can see it's a novelty

rubber barbell that bends all over the place.

We all love a good old classic family film like

Nil By Mouth, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? or Sophie's Choice.

Turns out that family films in this context means

"films for the whole family to watch".

But that is not what they are.

Aside from a few rare exceptions, family films are for children.

They're not for me, and I'm part of a family, too.

If I wanted to watch a film with my whole family,

it would be Blade Runner,

and I can tell you right now that my two-year-old would hate it.

Particularly if it was the studio cut with the stupid voiceover.

Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, now.

Astoundingly, even worse than the first two.

Now, this is nearly all animation, right?

So they were pointing their cameras only at a man with a magazine.

So you'd have thought someone, surely would notice something.

And they did eventually, but way, way too late.

A film crew practical joke, now.

This time, one of the characters made of drawing and computer

getting punk'd.

" 'Ere, Gustav," said the editor.

"Let's make it look like the chipmunk

"on the dry raft's peed herself."

"Good idea, Ernst," said the sidekick,

and so it comes to pass. Wet all over.

Ah, that hollow sound of the franchise barrel being scraped

means that we join The Smurfs in their awful movie.

Now, New York is excellent for filming,

as they just let you do it.

But you do tend to attract crowds of excited members of the public

watching you film, like here.

Still, if I saw the Smurfs filming, I'd stop to look.

Not the Moomins, though. I'd just keep walking.

Get your hand out of my kilt!

Now this song is played on everything uplifting

that's on TV ever.

Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros, and in this scene from the cloying,

so-called inspiring We Built A Zoo, it's certainly doing the trick.

Because judging by the trees and grass,

it's certainly not wind that's keeping those kites in the air.

Am I doing anything right?

Proof that people who do organized things like taking packed lunches

to work aren't as efficient as they think.

Eight-year-old smugster Rosie's putting her sandwiches into bags

because heaven forfend she just go to Pret or somewhere,

like everyone else.

Good.

But when she pointlessly labels the bags,

the sarnies have leapt back on the worktop. Ha!

Now Scarlett has to lock some lions in a thing

cos they can get a bit bitey at humans.

But the director probably decided that giving her a chain

and an open padlock, as seen here,

was a bit too easy...

The only way to fix it is to jimmy it from the inside.

..because by the next shot, they're gone.

Fans of Panic Room will love to see that unimaginative clunker

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World 4D, features a panic room.

However, logic fans will be less keen.

Look at this fireplace full of, erm, gold, baubly things and fronds.

Almost immediately they've gone! From the world. In 4D.

With so many bits and pieces on a film set,

it's important to keep everything labelled.

Circuit boards, for example.

If you're using one as a prop,

you'll want to make sure everyone knows what it's for.

Besides someone will cover that up before shooting, right?

Wrong! In 4D.

Our next section is Fantasy Films, which is a genre of film involving

parallel worlds, magic wizards, Greek mythology

and all that shiznit.

I know that now, but I only had this explained to me

after I'd been trying to make my own fantasy film.

I had to send back the girls, the boys, the tarpaulin,

the brie and the Dyson Airblade,

and it was all a little embarrassing to say the least.

But then where the hell would I be without embarrassing mistakes?

Talking of which...

Here, a wooden dagger steals the scene

from wooden acting in fantasy action movie Wrath Of The Titans.

Mind you, it does have some magical properties.

Look, it's gone!

I WOODEN have thought they could do that...

I don't know what I'd do when confronted with a one-eyed giant,

but poor Perseus here is so terrified he doesn't know

whether he's coming or going.

As he breaks free from the Cyclops's grasp...

..he ends up facing the wrong direction.

Did you know that they had proper dentists in the olden times?

I certainly didn't until I saw this scene from Wrath Of The Titans.

Watch Agenor as he gives us all a perfect view

of ye olde mythical silver filling of the Gods.

OK, everyone, now, I know there's loads of us,

so it's important we do the same thing in this scene from Immortals.

Just remember, swords in the left hand, shields in the right.

So when we shoot the scene from the front, don't forget that.

Oh.

Well, it's a dull epic, no-one will care.

Time now for another quick round of Metil Or Normil.

This breastplate certainly looks like metil. Well, a bit like metil.

Actually, I think it's normil, looks like rubber to me.

We'll have to wait till he takes it off.

Yes, look, I was right.

Definitely normil.

In this show, I have to record over 200 links.

That's a set number of links, unlike those in this chain

from cheesily fun John Carter.

It's too short for him to escape the ape...

..but then it's long enough to wrap round the ape like a billion times.

Mum, Mum, guess what? I've got a job as a sound-effects man

on this big, colourful film about Snow White!

We've got loads of well hench sound effects.

There's one of two axes touching that I really love,

I'm about to use it now.

METALLIC RUBBING

Oh, they didn't touch. Never mind, I'll use it anyway!

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who's the sneakiest prince of all?

This one, saying farewell to Snow White,

cos he was on Charles's left and he's now on Charles's right.

Snow White films are like London buses. You wait years,

and then two underwhelming ones turn up at the same time.

This is the one that isn't the other one, and we're talking horse.

I love horses, best of all the animals,

but I can't stand a horse with mucky legs, which is why this scene

at first appals and then soothes me.

Dirty horse.

Clean horse.

Now, spoiler alert, everyone!

So, the closing scene comes to a close and everyone has got closure.

And as we pull out of the throne room,

the doors swing closed to emphasise the closing of the story.

But if we rewind just a couple of moments, you'll see that throughout

the coronation, those closing doors were already very much closed.

The British film industry is much like the American film industry,

except they make some.

I'm joking, of course. The UK Film Council generated

so much successful film-making that the government destroyed it.

Making a British film is much like the plot of a British film.

A plucky underdog, charming and stammering,

like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth, delete as applicable,

achieves some success

after overcoming some moderate obstacles, usually in the rain.

Contains mild peril, possibly that Toploader song,

and a fair few mistakes.

Madcap, not-very-funny spy caper Johnny English Reborn now,

and if the whole point of this scene is whether the switch is on or off,

you'd think they'd pay close attention to it.

But, no. Here it's switched off,

then this lady takes her dress off...

Do you know how to turn it on?

..and then next thing you know it's back on.

Maybe the continuity guy got distracted?

Glenn Close as footballer Lee Dixon here, counting his tips.

it's three coins on the bed.

This is Albert Nobbs,

a haunting and bittersweet film with an amusing name.

Now look at the coins. There's loads more.

It's a Christmas miracle!

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel was refreshingly upbeat

for a Brit flick, with some good performances,

but while Tom Wilkinson's being all emotional,

Dame Judi's not listening.

She's going through her photos.

You see those pics? Rewind earlier and they weren't there.

I reckon the next cutaway will have her doing a Sudoku.

A tremendous display now from the conjuror Celia Imrie.

It's the old "put the note in the pocket, fail to push it in,

"have it Photoshopped out" routine.

Let's see that again in slow motion

so we can wonder at Celia's deft handiwork.

And, thrifty old pro that she is, she makes sure to reappear it

later on, so she can snatch it back.

Daniel Radcliffe gets confused when decorating

in the pant-wettingly scary The Woman In Black.

He's using an axe to strip the wallpaper,

surely something like a scraper would be better?

Later, common sense of sorts prevails as he uses his bare hands.

But then he's back with the axe again

without so much as a bending down.

Someone get that boy a rawl plug.

What can only be censorship here. Listen and watch.

I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least.

Now, Daniel Radcliffe's mouth keeps moving at the end.

What offensive line did he say?

Well, I can exclusively reveal that he really said

"I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least, wubbawubbawubba".

If there's one thing we, the guys at Great Movie Mistakes IV hate,

it's an unnecessary sequel.

As you may recall me saying

way back in Great Movie Mistakes II and III.

But the good thing about sequels is that they give gainful employment

to a lot of Roman numerals that would otherwise

be claiming Jobseeker's Allowance.

It's really just sequels and clock faces keeping them going.

Journey 2, you are letting the side down.

By the way, it's time that someone said this on television,

there is no such word as "quadrilogy".

The word is "tetralogy", and last time I checked,

it was functioning perfectly well, thank you.

You know that game kids play where there's a tray,

and one thing gets removed, and you have to spot what it is?

Well, brainless action flick Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol

incorporated that game in the film.

So, watch carefully.

This wasn't a rescue mission?

Let me put it this way.

If the secretary wanted me out of there,

it must be pretty bad out here.

Now, what's gone? No?

That's right. It was that silver thing.

Our next Mission Impossible game is called

"What is that silver thing?"

Now it's the big-hearted Muppets movie,

and isn't Amy Adams just lovely?

She's so perky she's even brought partial life to these dead flowers.

It's OK, they're really sweet.

You don't mind that he's coming, right?

But not for long.

Some Muppets are tricky to work with.

Sam the Bald American Eagle, for example, is hugely xenophobic.

It's way too far.

That's why in this scene, when a bunch of them

travel to France by map...

..he's bailed out by the time they reach Gallic shores.

ALL: To Paris!

It's a well-known fact that nobody speaks German,

which is why the team behind this middling reboot of Sherlock Holmes

could get away with this little prank.

The subtitle says "Time to introduce Little Hansel."

What he actually said translates as...

This next mistake is mainly here to have a pop at the dreadful

Twilight series.

Look at Bella's hands as she hides her morning sickness from Edward.

She closes the seat with her right hand,

then she's immediately putting all her weight on it with her left.

Possible, but athletic.

Ah, what a lovely couple.

There they are wearing wedding bands,

because Stephenie Meyer wants girls to know that even

if it's a vampire you're sleeping with, you should get married first.

But the moment they're out of the cab, no more rings.

Art predicting life there.

Tongue-in-cheek and amusing, MIB III is a mind-bending time-travel movie,

most obviously in this scene from New York, 1969.

See those pinball machines?

Pinball was banned in the Big Apple until 1976, as we all know.

And once again, the credibility of an alien-filled,

conspiracy-inspired, dimension-hopping movie is ruined.

Think your hoop's a little off. Want me to clean her?

More time travel now,

as the guys seem to be stuck in a chronic hysterisis.

That's a time loop, to you and me.

See this van?

It's the same van we saw seconds ago.

Happily, they escape,

so the fourth film won't be two hours of more of the same.

Oooh! Another one!

There's also some extraordinary errors in the older MIB films.

In the funny and entertaining original, we see that to be

a Man In Black, you need intelligence, bravery

and secretarial skills.

Being a defender of the galaxy means Agent K types so quickly

his fingers don't even touch the keyboard.

Either that or he's tickling an invisible kitten.

Men In Black II is a disappointing letdown,

featuring as it does Agent K emptying his guns

at a giant rubbish bin.

Mind you, it's a bit fortunate.

Watch as he drops the guns on the floor,

only for them to be removed in the next shot.

Why can't my binmen be that efficient?

You know our arrangements, Jeff.

You don't travel outside of the E, F and R subway lines...

Actors, eh? Always desperate to show off their improv.

Here, the actor playing Agent T demonstrates his miming skills

as he wrestles with an invisible weed.

Oops, someone forgot the CGI.

Next thing you know, he'll be battling his way

out of a pretend box and descending an imaginary staircase.

Films often play fast and loose with the laws of the universe.

They try and make us believe all kinds of things are possible.

Like noise in the vacuum of space,

surviving a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge,

or that people will laugh at a film with Rob Schneider in it.

So, yes, impossible things.

To be fair, some impossible film things are really cool.

I mean, I believed for ages I could move things

with the power of my mind. Still do, a bit.

Doh!

Cool.

In the waste of time that's In Time,

we see a far too successful booby trap.

Stingers - strips of nails left on the road to puncture tyres - are

used by the police to bring naughty vehicles to a controlled halt.

However, when this former Mouseketeer drives over one,

his car has a massive hissy fit and tumbles over a cliff,

temporarily vaporising its passengers

before they reappear at the bottom.

Iron Sky now. A film which comprehensively

fails its Baccalaureate in Science, which of course means it gets

an A star in the totally made-up world of movie science.

Why don't you narrate along with me as we play

Things That Things Don't Do In The Vacuum Of Space.

Firstly, we hear the sound of the ship separating,

a massive blunder because - all together now -

there's no sound in a vacuum.

Then we see fires burning on the destroyed ship.

One, two, three - fires don't burn in a vacuum.

And as these banners unfurl, we can be pretty sure

they wouldn't do this, as there's no air in a vacuum either.

Rookie mistake - even I didn't fall into that trap when I made

that fake moon-landing footage I'm not allowed to talk about.

In the insultingly bad Journey 2, these people are riding

on giant bees, and I for one don't believe a frame of it.

There's no way on earth anyone would cast that wrestler in a film.

Anyway, the birds chasing them are apparently...

That's a white-throated needletail.

..when in fact it's quite clear

that they're white-fronted bee-eaters.

I know that because I'm a dedicated twitcher.

Although the tablets are helping.

When giving a presentation,

the cardinal sin is not to walk through the beam,

otherwise all your PowerPoint stuff will get shadows on it.

You might want to splash out on the projector from the nostalgia-steeped

Super 8, however, as the kids sit right in the beam

without casting any shadow.

Luckily, in this shot, the kids have vanished anyway.

-What's up?

-Noah!

There aren't enough whistling kettles in films.

The sad reason for this is that

they are fiendishly scientifically complicated items.

For example, if the spout is open, they won't whistle,

a fact which is apparently news

to the makers of fat-boy laugh-drought The Sitter.

Sack the spout-wrangler.

Solid Gold. Do you have any idea what that's worth?

Matthew Broderick may be generally ace,

but he doesn't know Jack Bueller about the weight of cars.

He reckons a solid gold car would weigh about...

Must weigh 2,000lbs.

..but in reality they weigh something like a couple of tons

and you certainly wouldn't be able to fling them about the way they do

in brainless caper Tower Heist.

I should know, I've got four of them.

They give me one every time I do this show.

Any more and I'll have to move a couple onto the helipad.

Hello?

Is anybody here?

Hello?

I'm here to make Great Movie Mistakes.

Hello?

DEEP, RUMBLING VOICE: Great Movie Mistakes.

I haven't heard those words in ten year or more.

What? Who's there? Who said that?

I said that.

They haven't made Great Movie Mistakes in nigh on ten years.

Not since that Robert Webb died so horribly and painfully.

But that's ridiculous. I'm Robert Webb, and I...

Horror Films. CREEPY LAUGH

Gruesome, mind-bending horror in The Cabin In The Woods now.

Doors in spooky houses have a mind of their own,

but this one's indecisive.

Here Dana leaves it open

but now it's closed.

However, in just a few seconds it's open again to let the gang in.

Honestly, if they just fitted creepy houses with automatic doors

it'd save all sorts of bother.

A flipped shot moment in the intelligence-insulting Piranha 3DD.

Not just any old flipped shot -

it's one with the Hoff.

Unless this badge is supposed to be in mirror writing. Poor show!

You don't hire the Hoff and then make him look stupid.

Insert punch line here.

David? That's pretty cool. That's my name too. Here you go.

Lacklustre and seriously flawed chiller Silent House now.

Like the 1920s version of the Hugh Laurie TV hit.

In this scene, we're asked to believe that what we're watching is

one continuous shot.

But that doesn't explain why the patterns of blood

on Elizabeth Olsen's clothes and face keep changing.

Maybe it's lupus. It's never lupus.

Underworld: Awakening?

Underworld: Snooze Button, more like!

Awful film, but it features an amazing catsuit.

Not only can you wear it in heels...

..and then seconds later wear it in flats...

you can also hide a blooming great hand grenade

in it without breaking the skin-tight lines in the slightest.

Now look at the problem with the CCTV here.

Security cameras are in fixed positions,

they can't follow trolleys down corridors, can they?

Well, this impossible camera seems to be playing Race You To The End.

Unimaginative, uninspired gore shocks

from Final Destination 5 now.

The extras here are playing fast and loose with

the laws of public transport as this woman exits the bus more than once.

And the driver can't decide whether he's standing up...

..or sitting down.

He may just be all out of sorts because, you know, all the terror.

To Death-town!

What would be your nominations for Best Picture?

Mine would be the Mona Lisa, that Klimt one everyone's got,

and this picture of me on the beach where I'm sucking it in.

Delightful whimsy aside, what we're really talking about is the Oscars.

Luckily the Academy Awards are there to let you know exactly what

films are more or less perfectly brilliant,

like Avatar or Titanic.

Sorry, that sounds like I'm having a pop at James Cameron.

I'm really not. I'm just having a pop at his films.

Anyway, award-winning films are

just as capable of making careless mistakes as any other film.

That's rather comforting to know, isn't it?

Like reminding yourself that the Queen also goes to the lav.

It's Spielberg's epic adaptation of the National Theatre's epic

adaptation of Michael Morpurgo's epic adaptation

of the First World War, War Horse, which touched hearts worldwide.

And if that's not enough - they got the continuity wrong with an apple.

Look, whole apple...

..apple with a big bite out of it,

that wasn't there at the start of this clip.

Who did that? A ghost horse, maybe?

And now, nudity. In fact, horse nudity!

Albert knows everything about horses

and all their horse stuff.

See, you've got it. You've got it.

But clearly not how to put a horse's clothes on.

The collar's upside down.

Either that or the horse is upside down.

And now this German soldier's doing it. In a film about horses.

Spielberg should have stuck with sharks.

Well, well, look at you.

This is the touching and heartfelt Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.

Oskar here has found a note left by his late father, Tom Hanks,

who reads it out in his head like normal.

Congratulations, Oskar. With unbelievable bravery and wisdom far

beyond your years you have solved reconnaissance expedition number six.

But ghost dad Tom has done some posthumous editing

as his words are very different to what the note says.

Wherever they now are, the people of the sixth borough celebrate you.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Wrong.

Now it's time to go home.

Now the joyful, beguiling The Artist, which, like all

Adam Sandler films, proves films

can be better if no-one talks throughout them.

Here Peppy Miller puts her bag on the floor, but cut to the wide...

The floor has eaten it.

Oh, thank God. It spat it out again.

It's like when that swamp dragon ate R2D2 all over again, but arty.

Notebooks - they cause so much fuss.

Here Peppy drops hers

in the clamouring throng to see movie star George,

but as she picks it up, she's right next to him.

Thanks, notebook!

However, look! The notebook's disappeared!

That's gratitude for you. But once the notebook has had a word with

its agent, it's back in the movie.

Showbiz - such a fickle mistress.

Normally this show has microphones creeping into shot,

but here it's the opposite.

There's the mic in shot.

But then, boom, it's gone!

I don't mean "boom" like the microphone, I mean...

Oh, you know what I mean. Luckily it comes right back.

Who'd have thought a microphone

would be so troublesome in a silent movie?

-More?

-Yeah, just a little bit more.

Don't tell your mother.

Moneyball now,

a quality crowd-pleaser about an American rounders team. Amazing!

Here, Brad Pitt asks his daughter...

Big spoon or little spoon?

Little spoon.

But then we see the little tyke clearly eating with a big spoon.

Unless that really is the little spoon,

and Brad Pitt's big spoon is actually a wok.

Here Brad Pitt's cross with his rounders players.

As he enters the dressing room or whatever it's called,

Jeremy Giambi is dancing away.

In the reverse shots, a white towel swings freely between his legs.

From the front...

not a sausage.

Is losing fun?

Another film about a small boy and a dead father,

this time with robots,

Martin Scorsese's escapist, exhilarating, magical Hugo.

Where's the station inspector?

Ben Kingsley enjoys a bit of notebook-based hocus-pocus

with disappearing, reappearing rubber band.

First it's on the notebook...

..then it isn't, then it is...

..then it isn't.

To be honest, it's behaving pretty much like any rubber band.

Not there when you need it.

Here Hugo is performing a bog-standard card trick.

Not so impressive, right?

Wrong, magic fans.

Not only does Hugo guess the right card, but he also manages

to turn his right hand

into his left hand. He's a true pro.

Oh, hi there. You probably thought this was footage of me

attending a soiree with my showbiz pals

at the Groucho's or the Nando's.

In fact, these people here are supporting, or background artists.

They are only pretending to be my friends,

and have been paid to do so.

Which is different from my actual friends because...

Because...

Roll the VT.

General Patton has said...

Now the soulless superhero flick Captain America,

and it will shock you to discover that these aren't real soldiers

but actual background artists.

You can tell because here they walk behind Captain Phillips

but in the very next shot

they are marching again back where they started.

Our boys wouldn't do that.

Now James Bond with curtains is haunted by skellingtons or something

in the confused yet predictable Dream House.

Here he is haunted by a terrifying doppelganger couple

as these two, note the stylish but practical red boots on the lady,

walk down the pavement and then when Daniel Craig David

leaves the cafe a few moments later...

Bingo! The identical couple are still walking towards them

in the same direction.

Of course, they could have stopped and had a row. We just don't know.

In this daft but fun scene from The Muppets,

keep watching the anger therapy patients fighting.

One of them's not up to scratch with his brawling.

Thursday's another one of my trigger words!

You'll see the tall man with white hair

is clearly not hitting anything...

..as his punch misses by at least one foot.

Yet, we hear the punch and the other man falls down.

Also that's not a real animal.

Animal!

Not at night.

We Bought A Zoo was over-sensitive and syrupy,

but it's slightly better than the prequel

I Rented A Newsagent-Cum-Off-Licence.

Off-camera string-pulling is visible here

when two extras are waiting for their cue to walk forward,

which they start to do after a couple of seconds.

And action. Nice.

Guys, it's the other zoo film - it's Zookeeper!

Guys?

Here Griffin cycles past a man sat on a bench

wearing a blue blazer and cream trousers.

Then later, from Griffin's POV, we see he's about to cycle past

a woman in a light shirt and blue jeans

and a man in a straw-coloured hat.

But from the opposite angle,

he's just cycled past the man in a blue blazer and cream trousers.

It doesn't make any sense, I tell you.

Like the decision to green-light this film in the first place.

Now, Wes Anderson's escapist, eccentric quirk-fest

Moonrise Kingdom.

When Cousin Ben is talking to Sam and Suzy

as they walk through the camp, a marching Scout extra

in the background can be seen looking and waving at the camera.

He'll be earning his Ruin The World Of The Movie badge,

I shouldn't wonder.

Still to come...

..and which 2012 film made the most mistakes in just one scene?

Find out soon.

This time, the outstanding, action-packed must-see

sci-fi classic Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

The story so far - in the first gripping and suspenseful

Terminator film, a robot comes from the future to kill Sarah Connor

and stop her from having a son who becomes a future revolutionary.

Kyle Reese, also from the future, trains Sarah

and gives her the knowledge she needs to defeat the robot.

She and Kyle get it on and conceive the prodigal son, John Connor.

Now, fast-forward 11 years to 1995.

The robots are going to have another go.

They send a more advanced Terminator back this time

with the mission of killing the now 11-year-old John Connor.

Good plan, robots.

But wait! Why have you sent it back to 1995, the very place where

Sarah Connor has had over a decade to prepare for such an event?

Look, you've given her some time to

raise her son to be a leader of the human resistance.

Smart work(!)

I mean, guys, she's already

attempted to bomb a computer factory,

and she's got a huge arsenal of weaponry

stored in an underground bunker.

What they should do is send the Terminator back further in time

to when they don't know about any of this.

Why not go back to the '70s when Sarah Connor was in school?

Or they could go even further back

and just take her out when she was a baby.

Or, with a bit of imagination, they could go back even further

and kill off her grandparents

and stop Sarah even getting born in the first place.

Or further still.

You get the general idea.

So, robots, not as clever as you think you are.

Because if you were, you wouldn't have had to make

Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

Which is why I hardly ever chat with my Roomba.

The end.

Oh, this is ridiculous. I can't make it sync.

Sync with laptop.

PHONE: Do you want me to call your Uncle Martin?

Sync with laptop.

Searching the internet for scuba-diving courses.

Sync with laptop.

That's great. Sync with laptop is now in your diary for April.

Do you want a reminder?

Technology!

This is the zesty but trivial What's Your Number?

And this clip is a little embarrassing for the production

as it obviously shows up the fact that they bought a knock off iPhone

copy from the Australian company Ipple

as when Ally answers it...

it's upside down.

Hi, Mom, can I call you right back? I'm in a meeting. OK.

One thing I really hate is when you're not sure

whether a text you sent has arrived.

Fortunately, the bland and uneven Like Crazy has the answer.

All you need to do is send your texts on either May 28th

or December 1st because apparently they are interchangeable.

The catchily-titled Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 now,

and here Bella is calling Rosalie

but we can clearly see her phone is in lock mode.

Or is it? Vampire phones are special though as they're always

unlocked for emergency orders of delicious blood sandwiches.

A good romantic comedy should make you feel like anything is possible.

Apparently so can middling ones,

as this clip from Salmon Fishing In The Yemen proves.

It tries to make us believe that you can successfully send

heartfelt text messages when you clearly have no signal.

In the slow-paced and depressing Young Adult,

Mavis is getting a cassette out of her bag.

It's fully rewound.

But when she puts it in the car it is halfway through a song

and she has to rewind it.

She wants to get at that cassette with a pencil.

Or a biro. Which did you use?

Oh, ask your mum and dad then!

Here's the man who is suddenly in all films answering a phone

in the so-so indie Jeff Who Lives At Home.

PHONE RINGS

But he doesn't press the button to answer it.

BEEP

"A-ha!" think the boffins in the edit,

"We can fix that with a beep!"

PHONE RINGS

No, you cannot, boffins, for I, Robert Webb, have spotted it

and thusly foiled you.

Some of the best comedy films of all time have one thing in common.

Trading Places, Every Which Way But Loose, Dunston Checks In,

Outbreak, King Kong, Gorillas In The Mist,

Planet Of The Apes, Greystoke, Mighty Joe Young, Congo.

Sorry, no, the thing these films have in common is, like, monkeys.

It's monkeys.

Most of these films aren't even comedies.

I mean - I've seen Dunston Checks In.

I'll do it myself. No, I'll just busk it.

You're still rolling?

Good.

Some of the best comedy films of all time have one thing in common.

Confetti, Magicians, The Wedding Video.

What? That is totally justified.

All right, not Confetti but, I mean, the other two are quite good.

Anyone with an ounce of manners

knows that spitting on someone's head,

like littering or tax avoidance, is jolly rude.

So it's good that in the very coarse, very dumb Goon,

young Ryan here completely fails to hit his target, Doug.

See?

I don't know what this is.

Hair gel? Over-excitement?

Ice Hockey is hugely popular in the US.

However, it's not so popular that

people will turn up to watch a pretend match

as these cardboard cut-out excuses for audience members prove.

It just doesn't fit the HBO brand...

Here's Jennifer Aniston in the inert comedy Wanderlust

defiantly shutting her laptop, the IT equivalent of slamming a door.

We could throw in some vampires in there to have sex with the penguins

and then you could have brooding, sexy, little vampire penguins.

I'm calling actor error on this one.

You'd think that having done something so dramatic,

she'd have noticed that it was open again a few shots later

as she packed up to leave.

I think you're joking?

My favourite mistakes on this show are always the ones where it would

have been easier to get it right.

How did this end up happening, for example?

This margarita's poured out on the rocks.

..5 o'clock, when you could have 4.30.

Can someone have frozen, slushy margarita

ready for when we cut back?

Thanks!

Baffling.

-Keep going, keep going.

-OK.

Depressing gross-out, body-swap nonsense now in The Change-Up,

a film so far beneath its star Jason Bateman

that he must've spent the whole shoot underground.

In this scene, Bateman as Mitch as Dave gets pushed out of bed,

or does he?

Jesus. Hey!

No, at the last minute, she snaps back her retracto-arms

and kicks him, instead.

Get through that door, Jason,

and don't stop till you're not in the film any more.

This gentleman is exposing his midriff in the way

we all did in the '80s.

He does it in the witty and frantic Two Days In New York.

But you know how revivals go -

there one minute, gone the next.

And then it's back in fashion again.

In the savagely satirical The Dictator, Sacha Baron Cohen

plays the hardest game of Guess Who ever.

Believe it or not, these are the pictures left after

he's flicked down all the ones with glasses.

And it's going to be a pretty tough game,

because most are duplicates or flips of each other.

I bet it's Bernard, though. It's always Bernard.

Supreme leader is on the talking painting.

These mug shots of Nadal and Aladeen show the pseudonyms

Nadal and Allison Burger.

..was cut short by what police

are now calling a terrorism misunderstanding.

But she says his name is Emir Gency Exit Only.

Emir Gency Exit Only.

If she'd only taken the time to study those mug shots, none of us

would have wasted a precious thirty seconds of our lives on that joke.

Sometimes, a film is just

so damn good that the only thing to do is make it again, but different.

You know that feeling when you're watching a cracking movie

and you think to yourself, "I'd love to see this again with

"different actors and with some of the dialogue slightly changed?"

Well, no, neither do I, but presumably it's happened to someone.

American studios have a particular fondness

for making new versions of French films,

figuring that nobody could possibly have seen the original.

Next time you see something hoo-larious with Adam Sandler

in a dress or Cameron Diaz being amusingly coarse, bear in mind it

probably started life as a sensitive examination of personal identity

called Pourquoi Moi?

In Die Another Day, James Bond had an invisible car.

Here's there's two...

..in this is lamentable spoof TV remake Dark Shadows.

You see? They're invisible.

Ha! Yah, boo, sucks, 007!

Now, that social taboo we're all uncomfortable talking about -

spontaneous combustion.

Luckily, the treatment's just a good dousing with water.

Special dry water that doesn't leave

a trace in the bucket once you've thrown it.

Vampires do DIY just like us regular folk.

Barnabus is inside a coffin with a separate lid,

but between here and the graveyard

they've clearly managed a pit stop at IKEA for some hinges.

They probably also picked up 500 tea lights for 50p

and gorged on Swedish meatballs.

The aptly-named 21 Jump Street now, a violent and naughty film

where characters jump from one location to another

without paying any attention to boring stuff like continuity.

For example, this door opens on three people

but only two of them walk in.

-Who invited you guys?

-I did. The party's here.

-What's up?

-Hi, buddy.

Delroy's probably popped round the corner to 21 Teleport Street.

A bona fide miracle, next.

Never mind loaves and fishes, some higher power obviously

decided that this tatty old newspaper on the church door

was making the place look untidy

because mere seconds later, it's gone.

Hallelujah!

It's hard to keep track of relations when you're from a larger family.

Like Ren in the semi-enjoyable but pointless Footloose remake.

His cousins can't stand still.

Here he's greeted by two of them.

How you doing? You guys are huge. Get off me. Attack of the cousins!

But then he's with just one.

The other's hanging out with Lulu.

Not that Lulu, alas, she's not in either of the Foots Loose.

This cross but charismatic young gentlemen played by not Kevin Bacon

gets all crossly into his Beetle and drives away,

showing the exposed engine.

ENGINE STARTS

But when he arrives at this warehouse,

the boot is repaired and the engine covered.

Oh, hello. I'm just flushing 250 million down the toilet,

rather like the makers of John Carter.

Here in Britain, we love an underdog.

We like things that are plucky or unfashionable or sometimes

just plain crap. We root for them, we cheer for them,

we wish them the best.

What we won't do apparently is buy tickets for them.

Which is why the following films appear in our

Worst Flops At The Box Office section.

Here are some mistakes which, like the films they come from,

you didn't notice the first time.

Conan The Terrible, sorry, Conan The Barbarian now,

and Tamara's strolling through the forest

with clear lines of sight in every direction.

Yet somehow she doesn't see or hear Massive Man On Horse.

She failed to spot the foot-soldiers too,

despite those skinny saplings being too small to hide behind.

She didn't see them.

Just like nobody saw this film.

I Don't Know How She Does It,

otherwise known as I Don't Know Why They Made It

has Sarah Jessica Parker running kookily late

with her beige heels and no tights.

But here she's wearing black tights and boots.

-Oh, hi, Clarke.

-Good morning.

And now it's the original combo again.

I don't know how she did that.

It may have been a flop,

but John Carter was actually quite good fun.

This is the wedding,

and Sab Than is discovering that there's nothing more embarrassing

than finishing your stag night with a drunken tattoo.

In the time of oceans, the celestial lovers rose from the sea each night.

And just like a drunken tattoo,

this one is staggering all over his face from left to right.

So may it be again.

On to the hokey and scrappy Cowboys And Aliens now,

and as Jake escapes from the alien stronghold

he's covered in a blast of alien space dust

or popping candy, as you youngsters call it.

I hate it when that happens.

And so does Jake. Look, he's now dust-free.

The Thing is a dull, sloppy, unsuccessful prequel

to a successful film called The Thing.

I'm hoping they make a sequel called And Another Thing.

Here, Kate turns on both taps,

has the most feeble face-wash of all time,

then turns off the water one-handed.

So the thing about The Thing is

why isn't the other tap still running?

The aptly-named Anonymous was a preposterous romp based on

the idea that Shakespeare wasn't Shakespeare, but the Earl of Oxford.

However, we can reveal

that the Earl of Oxford wasn't the Earl of Oxford, either.

judging by that very modern tattoo that's peeping out

from under his doublet, he's clearly Rhys Ifans.

If you're the kind of person who, when reading a book,

likes to skip over the difficult bits,

and put Keira Knightley all over the rest,

then you'll love film adaptations.

Since film was invented, directors have been slightly ruining

or basically missing the point of some of the greatest literary works

in the world. But they still found room to make some shocking mistakes.