02/03/2012 The One Show

Hello and welcome to your fancy Friday One Show with Wales. Well

done last week, the Triple Crown. And poor old England, no grand slam.

Not much! Half of our opening duo have been described as the nicest

man in the world. The other half has not, but we have been

researching him and we can confirm that he is quite nice, too. It is

It is very rare to see two Pythons at the same time. What draws you

together? At the moment, it is the 35th anniversary of the Ripping

Yarns, which we wrote together. And a lovely new, delightful,

beautifully illustrated, beautifully presented boxed set is

now available. You do not have to buy it. I won't! There might be

some weak-minded people who might buy it. I suppose so. We will talk

about it later. Thank God for that. Ripping Yarns was based on a boy's

own adventure story, and as a tribute, we are organising our own

school boy and schoolgirl fun later. Some of your favourite One Show

faces will be involved. In case you did not hear that, we said

motorised bath tubs. TV is fun, a seriously! As we have a couple of

comedy legend, we had to make our other guest was top notch. An Oscar

nominee is more than all right. He is the star of Platoon, Spider-Man

and the English Patient, the brilliant Willem Dafoe. A Hollywood

superstar on the One Show! In Platoon, he played a wayward

soldier, which is fitting because tonight we are joined by the

partners of real life servicemen, the Military Wives choir are here.

They will be performing later. It looks like we have a show of hands.

It is a good job. The Military Wives story has not only moved as

but has inspired hundreds of others to set of choirs. Justin Rowlatt

went to meet one such group who are making their own music.

With half the million records sold and a Christmas number one, Gareth

Malone's Military Wives choir has become a phenomenon. But the story

does not end there, because the real triumph is this. Following

their success, more than 10 new Military Wives choirs have been set

up in communities across the country. I have come to meet Carol,

who helped to found a Military Wives choir in Salisbury, Wiltshire.

We watched the Military Wives and Gareth Malone and we were totally

inspired by it. To us, it is a sense of community. We met ladies

we would never have met because it is such a vast area, Salisbury

Plain. We got together and the choir master taught us an African

lullaby. We could not believe how beautiful we sounded. That sounds

really corny, but we did. What do you think of your mum joining up

with a choir? I am not surprised because she likes to sing in the

car and around the house. It has totally taken over my life.

choir has only practised six times, but it has its first concert in two

weeks. So I brought along Sam Stephenson from the original

Military Wives choir. Sorry to interrupt, but we have a couple of

guests to join you as you rehearse. The hope was that they would give

you a bit of advice on putting on your first concert. When it comes

to your first performance, you need to put in the hours. Having section

practice at your houses, you need to nail down and work hard. Try not

to be nervous because everybody is going to love you. How are your

husband's coping with your new fame? It is trying to get the

balance between the kids, the home- the husband, making sure they know

they are still important. Because they are. We are practising, so

would you do us the honour of joining in and helping us learn the

# Where there you are, my love will keep you safe

# I will keep you safe along the dark, dark way

Having them here was great. gives you such a boost that you

will be able to do things you never thought you could do. We all have

someone who is going to Afghanistan at some point and it is nice to

talk to someone who knows what you're going through.

The Military Wives choir will be treating us to a song from their

brand new album later, but probably not this.

# Always Look On the Bright Side of Some of them went for the whistle.

Did you have a meeting about that? Music has always played a huge part

in your comedy. Whose decision was that? I always wanted to make

musicals and I am now writing operas for the Royal Opera House. I

did one last year, and they wanted me to do another one this year with

someone who has won an Oscar for the Full Monty. What is your most

successful piece of music? I would like to save the doctor's Tale, the

opera at the Royal Opera House last year. He is very clever, isn't he?

Yes. I know nothing about this. He lives in a parallel world. He

thinks he does things at the opera house. You don't think of yourself

as a musical, do you? I do, actually. I am a frustrated

musician. Early on at school, we had music class and the music

teacher stopped and said, someone is singing flat. My friend said, it

is Michael Palin, sir. I had to stand by the piano and sing a scale

on my own. My voice wobbled and he said, you go and sit on there non-

singer's bench. What is it like at that age to be told you cannot

sing? You proved him wrong. When I did the lumberjack Song at the

Royal Albert Hall in the concert for George Harrison, the whole

Albert Hall, 10,000 people were there and I thought, this is it for

my music teacher. I can sing! have some of that, don't we? Editor

That was former German teacher as well. We don't know that his music

teacher is dead. He would be 119. He would be the oldest man in the

world! Before they joked around on TV, the road to them becoming

Python pioneers had been mapped out in the comedy cosmos, as Alex Riley

Michael Palin and Terry Jones our comedy legends. As part of the

creative force behind Monty Python's Flying Circus, they

conquered the world with comedy, but how did they first lock horns?

Both were fresh-faced university students studying here at Oxford in

the early 1960s. They soon started to write and perform together and

they caught the attention of David Frost, who invited them to

contribute material to his BBC television show, the Frost Report.

From there, they moved on to writing and performing an

innovative TV show for kids. Along with future Pythons, Eric Idle and

Terry Gilliam. And then with John Cleese and Graham Chapman, the six

of them would create ground breaking characters and sketches as

Monty Python's Flying Circus. cat is suffering from what we have

not found the word for. There was nothing like it, ever. It was very

original. And there has never been anything else that a witty, that

satirical and that funny. I am delirious with desire. What is

that? Nothing, just a trick of the light. That was close. The great

thing about Python was that I do not think they knew what they had.

It is a bicycle repair man! Following the end of the Python's

TV series, Michael Palin and Terry Jones were looking for a new

challenge and in nineteens and D six they decided it was time for

comedy to take on the British stiff upper lip. -- in 1976. Ripping

Yarns was a pastiche of 1930s adventure stories much loved by

Palin and Jones. It was one of those stories for boys. The man who

tamed Niagara. It was ripe for satire but there was something

endearing about it. Remember what your uncle said just before he

died? The high production values gave this series the look of a

proper drama, and lovingly parodied adventure fiction, World War II

thrillers and the murder mystery. There was one particular sequence

that was just packed with a joke after joke. Both there was a boy

100 ft up, being nailed to a wall. There was somebody fighting with a

bear. The episode I remember, the family pretended to speak bad

French so they would not have to talk to Eric. After two series and

just nine episodes, it was time to Terry Jones has made several

history shows, and Michael Palin seems to have gone around the world

in 80 different ways. But it is their comedy that is still making

us laugh 30 years later. What is that, Tomkinson? It is a model ice

breaker. It is a bit big, isn't it? It is a full-scale model, sir.

good, standing the test of time. liked the idea of a full-scale

model. You were telling us about releasing Ripping Yarns because it

is a 35 year anniversary. There were only nine episodes, so for

those who might have missed it, how would you describe it? It was my

brother who suggested we do this series. He said, why don't you

basic on the old tales and ripping stories. It was the boy's annual

stories. They had them about sport, Empire, the army, a cross section

of what British boys were supposed to enjoy at that age, Tales Of

Pluck. It caused such a fuss for loads of reasons at the time. The

BBC, shooting on film, costing loads of money. We did try to do

something a bit different. It was part film, part studio, but also

using drama actors. We were getting the comedy and drama departments

together. We nearly got Ralph Richardson for a part and he rang

the comedy office and somebody said, It's Ralph Richardson. I talked to

him and he would have done it but he put in an enormous claim for

wanting his wife to come along and stay in a five-star hotel.

can't have that. It was hugely expensive. Is that why there were

only nine? Was it that expensive? There was a documentary and it said

you were fighting to have it on film because that was so important.

We wanted good production values. We had just on the Holy Grail.

Terry had directed that. We made a movie which looked really good, so

we thought we would make the programmes really good, too. You

need the right background to give the Yorkshire moors the look of the

Yorkshire moors, and the school had to look right. I have always

preferred to shoot on location rather than studio sets. Your story

is not about success and failure, but about your friendship, really.

You have genuinely been friends for years., your friends, that can lead

to conflict at work, but you have a problem with liking each other too

much, almost. We are just such nice people. We did not share the shower

together. If you wanted to work together, you thought maybe it was

not for both of you but you were too scared to tell each other.

Ripping Yarns was a bit of, you know, a difficult point, because

the BBC did not want to do another Python show. They wanted me to be

the central character and it was awkward. Did you have to cut him

loose? He volunteered. I gave him a pint of bitter. You're happy

because you wanted to write and direct. Ore I had been directing

surreptitiously. And then I directed Life of Brian, and so

obviously I could not help but tell Terry Hughes what to do. I think

you should put the camera there. I could see it was not working so I

cut myself out. Did you have a conversation, we need to talk about

this? We regularly got together, we always have. Terry is one of the

few people I still have a pint with because most people don't do that

sort of thing now. We do. He was over a pint that we worked it out.

Was it a sad moment? I thought it was a bit sad but it was quite

liberating. We could do what we wanted to do. I don't think it was

a bad thing. And we are still friends, I think. Are we friends?

There was the Holy Flying Circus, made for BBC for recently, about

the Pythons, very funny, written about the Pythons. He played my

But I was more convincing playing Michael's wife than when I was

playing me! I thought you were going to say than Michael's wife,

which would have been worse. can you resist a beauty like that?

Terry, you were on with us not long ago, and we adopted a meerkat for

you, called Terry. That was in your home town of Colwyn Bay. Since then,

Terry the meerkat has had a baby brother. So we have adopted Michael

the meerkat for you. Michael is on the right in that picture. Terry is

in his whole, having a think. is right. I am just out of focus.

You have a meerkat each. How do we meet them? You have to go to Colwyn

Bay. They love a pint. It is fair to say that over the years, my plan

Terry have felt the wrath of the taste and decency brigade, due to

the subject matter of some of them are to real. And that puts them in

distinguished company. The idealised family was at the

heart of Victorian life. The strong father, the loyal wife, a brood of

happy children. But was this the reality? I have come to take

Britain to see a painting that caused outrage in Victorian society

by suggesting that marriage was frequently based on misery and

hypocrisy instead of happiness and love. Augustus was an accomplished

Victorian artist and social reformer. In 1858, he presented a

series of three paintings of the rural economy -- Academy, depicting

the break-up of a middle-class family. It is a very dramatic scene.

What is going on? It is what we call a narrative painting. The

husband has a note in his hand, which reveals to him that the wife

has committed adultery. She is distraught on the ground or. As a

woman with few legal rights, she would be cast out of the house with

nothing. Add the thyme, women often married for security rather than

love, but the husband then acquired everything she owned. He even and

their children. Adultery was often tolerated for the man, but for the

woman, it was an unforgivable crime. This painting is bursting with

symbolism. The Apple is pierced through its core, like the husband.

The open door is ready for the wife to leave. The House of Cards is

about to topple as the family fall apart. The House of Cards is built

on a book by the French author balls act. He caused a scandal by

publishing a book called the physiology of marriage. He

satirises the institution of marriage and says there are far

more unhappy marriages than good ones. Critics were outraged. His

painting was to real for a refined Victorian audience. But the issues

of inequality within marriage were already being challenged by women

brave enough to make a stand. 20 years before, the socialite

Caroline Norton had lobbied Parliament for changes to the law.

Forced to leave her violent husband, he had banned her from seeing their

children. The results of her campaigning are here at the

parliamentary archives. She is a feisty campaigner, and this is the

first piece of legislation that she succeeds in getting onto the

statute. Yes, this is the custody of infants Act, 19 -- 1839. It

permits a separated woman to apply to the Lord Chancellor for custody

of her children under seven years of age and for access to the elder

children up to 16 years of age. if a woman had committed adultery,

she had no legal access to her children. Caroline wanted women to

be equal within marriage, but it would be a long process. Eventually,

in 1857, a year before the paintings went on display, comes

the divorce and Matrimonial Causes Act. This makes divorce a matter

for a new civil court, open to everyone. But husbands, of course,

still get the better deal. A man could divorce his wife for a single

act of adultery. But a woman had to be able to prove adultery against

her husband, plus some other aggravating cause such as desertion,

cruelty, bigamy, incest. The Act did allow some divorced women

maintenance, and they could keep their own earnings. But for the

adulterous wife in the painting with no personal wealth or legal

access to her children, the future was bleak. The painting shows how

five years later, the father has died and the two daughters are left

alone. Their mother's fate is worse. So the fate is not just destitution,

but prostitution? He seems to be saying, what is wrong with this

picture? Nobody wins here. Something has to be done. During

the next 24 years, two new Act of Parliament allowed women to keep

all their personal inheritance and their earnings. But it was not

until 1923 that men and women were given equal grounds for divorce.

The fictional wife end up destitute, and Karen Norton's story is equally

tragic. While she was kept apart from her children, one of her three

sons died in her husband's care. A very real price a Victorian woman

paid for leaving an unhappy marriage. Gyles, we are all used to

salacious gossip magazines these days. There is nothing new there.

100 years ago, the papers were full of scandal. I have been doing some

research, and I have dug up two of my favourite Victorian scandals.

One goes back to 1854. I am calling it a Victorian love triangle. The

case of the art critic, his wife And her Lover. Terry will know

these people. One is Effie Gray, a great society beauty. The other is

John Ruskin, the art critic who married her. But she was in love

with Ruskin's protege, a great painter. After six years of

marriage, none consummated, Effie Gray said, I want a divorce. Queen

Victoria was so not amused, she would not have Effie Gray anywhere

near the court. But she got a divorce from John Ruskin because he

admitted that while he loved her face, she did not have the rest of

what was required to excite passion. And it took him six years? It took

her six years to pluck up the courage. But then John Ruskin did

not get together with anyone else. He had a passion for somebody else

called Grows. He met her when she was 10 -- Rose. When he was 29, he

asked her to get together, but her parents had heard about him. But

there are people who were a bit of a lad, for example Sir Charles.

This is my second scandal, the torrid and tempestuous case of the

bed-hopping politician. Aren't they all? There is nothing new under the

sun. He was once tipped to be Prime Minister, but in 1885, scandal hit

him. Lots of rumours about him. He was said to be a bit of a goer.

Unfortunately, a fellow MP called Donald Crawford suggested that

Charles was having a dalliance with Mrs Crawford. Not only with her,

but with Mrs Crawford's mother. Not only upstairs with the mother and

daughter, but also downstairs with the parlour maid. Did you have a

ladder?! No, there was a green baize door. That was the story.

There was a big court case and it was never proven. The point of this

is that Charles' life was ruined, but was there any truth in it? Now

historians say that maybe actually, he never had a dalliance with Miss

Crawford, her mother or the servant. But because the rumour got out and

the papers reported it, this man who might have been Prime Minister

ended his career in shame. There is no smoke without fire. Thank you,

Gyles. We will see you later. will be there. I want to be in

Willem's team. We have a team, too. You have

printed our next guest. This time last week, we were talking to the

fantastic comic creator of Spider- Man, Stan Lee. Our next guest help

smashed box-office records and a few champagne glasses when he

played one of the most notorious bad he is. I surrender! Hold it

right there! A impressive. It is So, how did the green Goblin

compared to your two Oscar- nominated performance? How do they

compare? They are very different. Which did you prefer? Don't have

preferences. One at a time. What is work? No, I like making things in

different kinds of ways. I don't compare one with another. You have

come to talk about John Carter, which could not be more different

to most other movies I have seen. You must have had practice

explaining this movie, so please do that on my behalf. It is difficult.

It is an epic action-adventure, based on Edgar Rice Burroughs'

popular novels that were written 100 years ago this year. They were

written in 1912. They were seminal novels, because they were the first

imaginings before the American popular literature of outer space

and Mars. It is about a man that gets transported to Mars. From

Earth. Not England. It is actually Virginia. We have a little clip.

This is you introduce yourself to John Carter. Tars Tarkas. Tars

Tarkas? Captain John Carter, Virginia. The junior? Virginia! No.

My name is John Carter. I am from Virginia. That is a nice little

two-hander, but that does not represent the movie. It is the

biggest thing I have ever seen. is definitely the biggest project I

have worked on as far as it has scope. It is a lot of things. Its

appeal will be wide. You have voiced it. It was six months

filming this. It is motion capture, which had me actually filming the

scenes, because the director, who comes from Pixar and made Finding

Nemo among other things, I worked with him on Finding Nemo, so that

is where I know him from. He was insistent about us filming the

scenes, and then the animators would film over what we had shot.

He tried to keep it as complete as possible. Your character is 9 ft

tall. Yes, so I am wearing stilts. Then over my head, I have a camera

recording my facial expression. do you do the four Arms? It is a

little tricky. But if you have four arms, you have a tendency to use

only two. But you never know when you might need them. Meet the right

woman...? And this movie is out a week today in Great Britain.

were lucky in love to sit on Wednesday. I have to say, the

security around the movie at the screening so that no one could get

a clip of it, Disney know this is massive. It is the first of three.

If it does not win every award the special-effects next year, all

awards should be cancelled. I am with you. The animation and special

effects are incredible. But above all, you do not experience it that

way. It has a good story. You really get involved. I could not

believe it is only two hours long. Would you agree it has a bit of

Gladiator, a bit of Star Wars, and a bitter Jason And the Argonauts?

But it was the original. The source material is what a lot of people

site, everyone from George Lucas to sci-fi writers, they cite Edgar

Rice Burroughs' series as being very influential. If you read the

books, you can see. It is about Are you coming back for the

trilogy? For all of them? I will be back, yes. Lovely to talk to you.

Willem Dafoe, everyone. He was on the Big Breakfast 20 years ago and

he has not aged. I remember. When I heard you were hosting this show I

said, from the Big Breakfast. said, is that his grandfather?

it time for a musical interlude? Absolutely. The Military Wives

choir have their debut album out on Monday. They had a number one

Christmas hit and tonight they are # Both when the rain is blowing in

your face # And the whole world is on your

case # I would offer you a warm embrace

# To make you feel my love # When storms are raging on the

rolling sea # And on the highway of regret

# The wins of change are blowing wild and free

# You ain't seen nothing like me # I can make you happy, make your

dreams come true # Nothing that I wouldn't do

# Go to the ends of the Earth for # To make you feel my love

Ladies, ladies, how are we? Happy Christmas! We have done that! What

has been going on? We have been a bit busy. The album comes out on

Monday. It is out on Monday, but you love a pre- order, don't you?

Yes. You can pre-ordered it all over the place. Do you know the

news about your pre-ordered figures? Well, I am not allowed to

tell you. Over to you. He is such a tease. I think you're going to be

OK. You came together to support each other in times of loneliness

while your husbands were away. Is there any truth in the fact that

maybe your husbands are a bit jealous of all of the farm that

you're having? We are just enjoying our tour of duty and getting on

with that and having a bit of limelight. That do you remember

that they are coming home and you need to make time for them. They

have to look after the children. Gareth Malone has changed. Who are

you, big boy? I am Rob. Over the years, Dr Sarah Jarvis has

had to treat some pretty strange customers. But then she came face-

to-face with someone who turned out to beat a proper dummy.

There is an adage in medicine - C Four years, that was how medics

learned, on the job. You would watch somebody do a procedure and

then you would have somebody watch you do a procedure, and before you

knew it, you were teaching somebody else to do the same thing. It was

very scary for the doctor and no less so for the patient. But now,

simulation exercises like this are taking the risk out of medical

training. These days, real patients no longer have to be guinea pigs.

Please help me, Dr Jarvis. This is Harefield Hospital's �64,000

simulated patient. But he is no dummy. He can talk, going to shock

and cardiac arrest, respond to drugs, and if he is not treated

correctly, he can die. Am I having a heart attack? Yes, but we are

trying to avoid it. It allows medical teams to put their teams to

the test in a variety of emergency situations. Cardiac arrest in room

four. Continue compressions. Stand Collier, shocking. He can do almost

anything but a real person can do. You can listen to his chest, give

him medication. If you should give him adrenaline, his heart rate and

blood pressure will increase. The authenticity is as good as lifelike.

That feels much better. A fellow doctor orchestrates the session. He

can manipulate the way that it responds. He can be the voice.

might make you cough a little bit. And he can throw in unexpected

challenges. You can change his heart rate and his heart rhythm. He

is incredibly, frighteningly lifelike. Hello. Specialists at the

Royal Brompton Hospital in west London have gone one step further.

OK, low blood pressure, I will come straight away. This is the very

first time they have revealed Harley, a prototype five-year-old

trialled whose torso actually has the skin texture, cardiac anatomy

and blood flow of a real human being. And he is in danger of heart

failure. I think this is an emergency. He might crash very soon.

We need to call a surgeon. This is only a dummy and just a training

exercise. On a scale of 1-10, how big a procedure is this? This is

the biggest emergency you can imagine. The patient is dying when

we walk into the room. There is a minute or two during which you can

save or lose a life. Do you get that sense of urgency with a

simulation? You get it when you walk into the room and see this

agitation and the monitor showing the pressure exactly as it would be

in a real situation and when you see people doing cardiac massage.

It kicks your heart into deep stress. It is like when airline

pilots going to simulators and practise a plane crashing. That

does not happen very often. This does not happen very often. You may

not see it until the first time and then you do not know what to do.

The dummy was created by a TV special-effects artist, who honed

his skills on programmes like Casualty and Holby City.

engineered a sliding Sturnham, so it is very realistic. It is as it

would be in a real-life scenario. And there is the heart inside.

is the only one in the world. the only one of these in the world.

The ultimate special effect. Amazing dummies the hope to save

real human lives. The good news is that back at Harefield Hospital, he

is feeling fine. I thought the One Show would like to know that I'm

making a full recovery. I am just going to have a little map. Good

night. He looks better, doesn't he? He looks like you. With better hair.

Sarah Jarvis is here. Should people be worried if there is not a dummy

in the hospital where they have been admitted? If there is a dummy,

you had better hope he is not operating on you. These days,

people are so much more carefully supervised. I will be honest. When

I was training, the first senior house officer job that I ever did,

I was on my own in charge of the coronary care team on the Easter

weekend and my consultant was about 100 miles away. It was a very

different learning experience. These days, people have to watch so

many procedures. Let's check on the relative health stories of the

panel this evening. You are aware of Willem Dafoe's brother. I have

no idea how he escaped to the medical Gina. You have five sisters

who are nurses, a father who was a doctor, a brother who I have heard

of, a famous pancreas transplant surgeon, curing people of diabetes,

revolutionary stuff. And his great uncle develop the first ever

surviving quintuplets in the world, now 77. Christmas round your house!

They all talk about saving lives. What have you been up to? A couple

of Oscar nominations. If somebody fainted at a Christmas party at

your house, there would be fighting to get in there. Is there not a

doctor in the house? I grew up with my mother, who had a terrible fear

of one of us choking, she said, I want to teach you how to do their

tracheotomy. You really just have to find the spot and take a knife...

She said, it will take a lot of courage. But it will save a life.

You are like Superman nowadays. have two resurfaced HIPs, a section

of Mike Tholen was taken out. -- a section of my intestine was taken

out. Show them your entrails! surgeon took a photograph of my

entrails, my bowels up in my stomach. Which he sent out as

Christmas cards. You are looking good. Are you healthy, Michael?

Reasonably healthy... OK, that's fine. Now it is time for some pie

action. We reckon that viewers could knock up a mean pie. Next

week it is National pie Week. Three of them have reached the final of

the One Show pie competition. Pies, a British Classic. A good pie

is dense and substantial. It looks simple but making a good one is

anything but. Pies have been devoured since the Middle Ages and

there is no sign of their popularity waning. One supermarket

is reporting pie sales at a 30 year high. We sifted through your

recipes and we are down to the final 31 show pie makers. They will

have to impress me and my fellow judge, chef and broadcaster Angela

Gray. Pie is a beautiful thing, isn't it? It can be. For me, it is

a good pastry, short crust, you name it, as long as it is made well.

When you get to the middle, hopefully it will be full-on with

flavour. Fingers crossed today. First, Susie from Somerset. It is a

posh pie with roasted partridge and pears, soaked in pear cider. It is

something I invented for Christmas. I had had a glass of wine and I

started singing Christmas songs. You got to the partridge in a pear

tree, so this is a recipe build from drunkenness. Exactly.

Partridge is lovely, but difficult to cook well because it can get

very dry. I am making a source. She tops the creation with a

rosemary crust. Next, Alice from Herefordshire. It is a marriage

made in heaven, with steak and stout. It is two and a half hours

on the hob, but the surprise is her short crust pastry. A year ago I

had never made pastry in my life. Just 12 months ago. And she is

giving it a bit of a kick. It is horseradish. 1, two. It is actually

quite a lot of horseradish, isn't it? 3, four. Let's hope that does

not blow our heads off! Finally, Rachel from Cheshire, whose pie is

made of potatoes, shallots and local beef. It is from the shoulder.

It goes very tender. It sounds like you are a believer in keeping it

simple. Yes, very traditional. not complicate the pie.

Time is up. Now for the tasting. OK, shall we start with the partridge

and Pere pie. The flavour is very good. It certainly works. The

fruitiness from the pair is lovely. The pastry is good. It is lovely,

really crumbly, very short. Now we come to Alice's beef in stout Piet

with horseradish pastry. I really like that. I love the horseradish

in the pastry, and I think the filling... Really good, meaty

flavour. Let's move on to the beef and shallots pie. You can actually

taste pure beef in that. I love it. It has a good crunch. This is a

difficult one. We shall have to deliberate. This has been the

closest cookery competition we have run but they had to be a winner.

They had to be a pie that was the Rachel. Rachel's beef, shallots and

potato pie might have been simple, but that is what allow the flavours

Congratulations to Rachel, The One Show pie winner. We have a prize

for you. The pie is gorgeous. Then you have prepared a special pie for

Michael and Terry? Yes, with a foot on it. Now, you do lots of home

cooking, Rachel. But there is one person in your family who really

appreciates your food? Yes, my grandad, who is 96. He loves fish

pie. What is his name? Raymond homes Fletcher. Good evening,

Raymond. Have you made this pie for him? Yes, he has got one tonight.

Willem, you love your food it. Don't you spend half your time in

Rome? Yes, I am half-Italian. I knew that when I wake up and the

first thing I think of is food. Favourite Italian dish? I like

mostly simple stuff, fish and vegetables. The better the

ingredients, the less you have to do to them. It is national pie week

next week. Enjoy. But we have some breaking news about pasties.

Yes, it is also a huge day in the world of pasties tomorrow, because

it is the world's first ever World Pasty Championships. They take

place at the Eden Project, with competitors from around the world.

Contender Beverley Milner from Camelford has sent us this sweet

and savoury miners' pasty. Conditionally eaten by miners

during a long shift underground, it contains beef and potato at one end

and apple at the other. Ann Whelan has got some breaking American

pasty news. This is a lamb and mint pasty made

by 68-year-old Mike Amery, who has travelled all the way from

Pennsylvania to Cornwall for the competition. He lost, apparently.

It is the Willem Defoe show, everyone! This is some job, pies

and pasties. Congratulations again, Rachel. Michael, we know you are

fighting fit. How often do you run? I try and do it twice a week.

Tonight, we are looking for runners to take part in our mammoth Sport

Relief challenge. Lots of you have already applied to do a mile each,

but not enough. Please apply. Those chosen will get a personal fund-

raising where page and a very fetching T-shirt. If you are

anywhere near any of the prices shown on this map or you can get to

them easily, from Ledbury to London, why not take part in the Challenge?

We still have gaps to fill in Scotland and the north-east. You

can apply at the Sport Relief website. You will also find

information there on other Sport Relief Mile events. Now,... Can we

just say, there is going to be a hopathon. We will be doing that

later. Don't blow the end of the show! He does like to take over.

Astonishing Eurovision news now that Engelbert Humperdinck is to...

Hopping for Britain! And no, he will represent Britain at this

year's Eurovision contest. And his first live TV interview will be on

this show. He was huge in the '70s, and now he is in his '70s. But that

decade was a funny time in music, wasn't it, Carrie?

And the beginning of 1979, at every pop radio station in the country

was playing a novelty record called Car 67. Everyone knew it. It was

even rumoured that the Queen Mother was a fan, because she liked the

human story. Carr 67 was the sad tale of a heartbroken cabbie,

discovering his next fare was the girlfriend who had just dumped him.

I was a really bad cab driver, probably the worst London has ever

seen. But the song came out then. Paul Phillips was a music

journalist who hoped to forge his own performing career. But as many

aspiring artists have found, it meant getting a second job. In

Paul's case, driving a cab. Michael Symes was car 67. I was that driver

-- might call sign was car 67. And I thought, what if you had to pick

up somebody who you did not want to? And then the song was in my

head. It was complete fiction. Convinced he had a hit, Paul parked

up the tab for good and went off to make a demo. It was cheap. His band

mate and co-writer was Pete, a brilliant instrumentalist. But of

course, what everyone remembers about the song is the voice of the

Controller, with his strong West Midlands accent. When I was doing

the control voice, Pete said, this isn't Shakespeare. You sound like

John Gielgud. So I said, what do you want me to be? He said, put an

accent on. Do where you come from. And I am from Wolverhampton, so I

did that. But when I went back to Wolverhampton, they said, where did

you get that accent from? controller's voice added an exotic

player, while the band's name added mystery. It was just Driver 67,

which accidentally started intriguing rumours about the band's

true identity. It was a big secret. If a picture was taken of me, I had

a scarf around my face. Of all things, one speculation was that

Eric Clapton was behind it. But the game was up when Driver 67 was

invited on Top Of The Pops. Since I was about 14, all I wanted was to

be on Top Of The Pops. But it was horrible. I expected that we would

stand on stage, and I would play my guitar and sing the song. They did

not want me to sing, they wanted me to mind. And they wanted me to mind

to the talking bits in front of all these teenage girls. I felt like an

idiot. Not the greatest experience. But after the Top Of The Pops

experience -- appearance, demand for the record shot up and it sold

half a million copies. At first, Paul was delighted with his top ten

success, but soon found to his dismay that a Car 67 had run him

over. It became clear within a year or so that actually, I was tarred

with the one-hit wonder novelty record brushed, and nobody would

take me seriously. A bitter row over royalties left him Brooke.

Paul gave up song writing and performing, and went back to

journalism. 30 years later, he is finally making music again, but

still hates to hear that record. People say to me, you were on top

of the Pops. You should be proud. And of course I should, because it

was what I set out to do. But I just cringe. It is a reminder that

that is all I am remembered for. And I wish it wasn't.

Well, in honour of Terry and Michael's Ripping Yarns be released

on DVD, they will be hosting two world record attempts at a hopathon

this Saturday. And people can come along? Please. Parliament Hill

running track, 10 tomorrow morning. The few live in Scotland, set off

now. So we are going to have our very own boys' event today. --

adventure day. This is going to be fun. On Michael's team, we have

Sarah and Justin. I come on Michael's team. And Willem is here.

And by the way, don't phone, it is just for fun. They are in their

motorised bath. You get in the baths, and you drive down to the

giant mouth tennis. They have to reverse the bath. Who is going

first? Mic and Terry, starting positions, please. Off you go. --

Michael and Terry. 5, 4, three, two, See you can get the most in the

bath. We could be going off the air mid-game here. Come on, Carrie!

Terry to Carrie, Michael to Justin. Deep breaths, calm. Feel a bit of

Zen. Carrie, go. Health and safety. Get your hat on. Twice Oscar-

nominated Willem Defoe, get in the motorised bath. Come on, Willem.