05/12/2011 The One Show


05/12/2011

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Transcript


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Hello. Welcome to the One Show with Alex Jones. And Matt Baker. Today's

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guest spends so much time on the road that he describes himself as

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the travelling salesman of comedy. Shall we let him in? Go on then.

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It's Jimmy Carr! Do you like our tree. If only you could have found

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Is it? I thought woolies had closed down. But you have connections.

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you a busy boy. You're often called the hardest working comedian.

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That's a misnomer. What do we do, an hour a day at most. Being on

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tour, you constantly travel. Do you get time off? No, I have a job that

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I love. It's great. You know what you're doing up to Christmas 2013.

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I have put a gagging order tour on sale. I put in Christmas 2013.

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That's a lot. Isn't it. People can book now to see you then? Yeah, if

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they want. Don't feel you have to. Other comedians are available. Go

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and see someone else. There are lots of funny boys and girls out.

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There More from Jimmy later. Security systems in new cars are so

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sophisticated thieves often have to steal the keys to get away with the

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vehicle. Simon Boazman was surprised to discover where these

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There's nothing more heart breaking than watching your pride and joy

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being pinched. The way car thieves operate and what they do with your

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car once they have the keys is changing. Security systems in

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modern cars are so effective, you're now more likely to come face

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to face with a thief. In thap year Ken and his daughter were targeted

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after being followed onto private land. I parked up on the side. I

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walked back to give her a hand... Leaving the car unlocked? Yeah,

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with the keys in, and left the engine running. We pulled the gate

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to and we watched him. My daughter man icked -- panicked. He got in

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the car. My daughter was at the car as he slammed the door and said,

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thank you very much and drove O If my daughter had gone round the

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front of the car to stop him, which she could have done, he'd have run

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her over. Ken's Range Rover dais peered without trace. He soon had

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more bad news. Insurance wonts pay up because I left the keys in the

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car with the engine running, though it's on private ground. I never

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even thought people would be watching me. How much are you out

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of pocket? It was two years old when it got stole be, -- stolen. �

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34,000 to �40,000. How does it make you feel? Bit sick really. I've had

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my money and people can just take it away. Shelley was arriving home

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to her young children when she was robbed on her doorstep. Before I

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knew it I was standing here, he was there, had a balaclava on, hood and

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just said give me your keys and I won't hurt you. Needless to say I

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gave him my keys. Just like Ken, police believe Shelley had been

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followed home in her Audi. I went towards the door and he said "Don't

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call the police yet and I won't hurt you." Initially after, when he

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drove off, I became hysterical. After her terrifying ordeal.

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Shelley eventually reached a settlement with her insurance.

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Shortly after she received an unexpected phone call. I found out

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where my car was when the insurance company rang to say actually it's

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been found in South Africa. It was part of a much bigger criminal

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organisation. So how does a car stolen here end up in South Africa?

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The answer lies in ports like this, every day thousands of containers

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leave our shores. There's growing evidence they're being used to ship

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thousands of stolen cars from the UK every year. That's exactly what

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happened to Ken and Shelley's vehicles. Both were stolen by the

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same criminals before being loaded onto containers full of other

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expensive cars and shipped to Africa. But the investigative team

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were on their trail. How did you locate all these stolen cars?

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picked up a container randomly that's was going out of the country.

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From that, working with the shipping industry, and doing a good

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paper trail with them, we were able to identify a number of other

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consignments, we were able to get the containers intercepted in South

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Africa as soon as they arrived. What kind of value are we talking

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about, there's 19 cars here? Conservetively these are worth �

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500,000 all together. Among them is one vehicle waiting to be reunited

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with his owner, the Range Rover Ken bought himself as a retirement

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present. Good gracious me. That's mine! I reckon that's mine. What's

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it like seing it again? Brilliant. I never thought I'd see it again.

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Most of the stolen cars, including Shelley's Audi, will be sold at

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auction by the insurers hoping to recover some of the money they've

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already paid out on them. Because Ken never got a pay out, he will

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get to drive his home. We got it. That's one for us. My daughter says

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she wants to stick it where it was stolen and take a picture of it and

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say there we are, we got it back. Indeed. Not the only car ending up

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in South Africa in the next few days. Classic! I see what you've

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done there. You are genius. That's a good film. No-one thought that

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was happening in the end. Five minutes and get the car back.

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other service can you offer? reason they're going to South

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Africa is like any good scam it's seen as a high reward and low risk.

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Because of the way the shipping system works, good gangs can get

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cars in containers without putting hands on them. If you don't touch

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the car, getting caught is very small. In Africa it's worth a huge

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amount of money. It's the weird thing that people don't get

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arrested for stealing a car is it TOKing?, taking without owner's

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consent. I know this, and it's your job, come on. Take an interest in

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this. They've made the technology too good so people break into your

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house now to get the keys. They've made it worse. Yes. I'd rather

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leave the keys in the car and have it stolen than have someone attack

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me in a balaclava. Shall we talk about the weather. On a different

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note. It's turned freezing. Very cold today. It's not his fault.

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Well, this is the M74 in Lanarkshire. There's snow in Durham.

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The institute of advanced motoring have offered tips. There's a link

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on the website, go there nor further information. Some of the

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basics is if the police are issuing weather warnings, don't go out.

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Take advice from the police. Don't use country roads or housing

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estates, they're far less likely to be gritted. Advanced driving school

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have said stay at home. Their advice is don't drive? Clear your

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windows, make sure there's no snow on the cars before you go out and

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you should be OK. Before you go out, but don't go out. Clear the snow

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off the car and stay indoors. They always say no essential journeys.

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Who's just going for a spin? They're all essential. Talking of

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driving, you have tyre news as well. Just want to clarify the legal

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limit for tyre tread in the UK is 1.6mm, it comes from a film from a

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while back. It's acrass three quarters of the central tyre, so

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you have to check everywhere if you're going to check your tyre.

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How do you spell circumference. They recommend the 20p test. If the

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outer rim of a 20p is visible when you drop it into the grooves of

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tyre they advise it might be an idea to get new tyres. If you can

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see the outer rim. Because it's getting wet now, anything with less

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than 1.6mm on your stopping distance increases. Get your tyres

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checked. Or ask your dad. Ask your dad or anyone in a HGV. They'll

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know. All right. They know everything. Everyone's looking for

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ways to save money. More and more people are using internet vouchers

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that trigger huge discounts if enough people sign up for a

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particular offer. One company Group On is being investigated because of

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claim that's savings are exaggerated.

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These days from the moment we wake up, there's bargains to be had.

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There'scy certain David Dickinson once said "It's time to go bargain

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hunting". 20% off Origami lessons. That should come in handy. Half

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price golf equipment, bargain. There are literally thousands of

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discount vouchers available for a range of products and experiences.

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I wonder if there's one for double glazing? These days, coupons are

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big business. People are saving �50 billion a year with vouchers and

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discount codes. How do you find the bargains? Have a look online, look

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round the shops. Monsoon had vouchers last week. I had a dress

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for 25% discount. Free Pizza Express, cinema vouchers. I will go

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to those shop it's they give me a voucher. Someone who can show most

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of us how to save more than a few pennies is Debbie. Before I go

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shopping any time, I go and have a look on the internet just to find

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out what's out there. What are your top tips for saving money? You need

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to know the price you are paying currently for the things you buy.

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Because if you don't know what you're currently paying you won't

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recognise a bargain when you see it. What would you say would be the

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best bargain so far? Two mattresses, that I have ordered. I'm waiting

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for them to arrive on Groupon. I paid �300, �150 each. They are

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telling me I saved �1200 by doing that. �1200, now that is a saving.

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It was that kind of a bargain that this bakery was looking for when

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they put a 75% discount voucher online. What we were offering was

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75% discount from the usual price of �26 down to �6.50. We expected

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from the advice that we would get probably 250 orders a week and that

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turned into something like 4,000. They are thinking, this is exciting.

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This is a fantastic opportunity. 250 a week, we can deal with that.

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That's based on their discussions with yourselves. Yeah the issue is

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that I find it unlikely that the sales represent would have said

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maybe 250-odd. It's difficult to comment because I wasn't in the

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conversation. What was the impact of this on the business? Everybody

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here was working ten, 12, 14 hour days. We had to get lots more staff

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in. We're not a mass production outfit. We're not used to that kind

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of through put. It was crazy. understand that Groupon offers can

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put pressure on businesses. The key message from that and the learning

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for businesses out there is that preparation, we're clear on working

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out how many vouchers we can sell. We have two key customers, the

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first of which is the business, the second is the customer. Consumers

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as well, people who have been taking up the vouchers have been

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having a bad experience and now the Office of Fair Trading have said

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you know, some of the stuff you have put out there has been

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misleading. We're in full compliance with the investigation.

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We have the same goal. We want customers to get a great offer. We

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have nothing to hide. We're completely transparent. If --

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people have a problem, what's the come back? We have a fully

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functional customer service team. We have the Groupon promise F

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you're not happy with the offer, we'd like it talk to you. If you're

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not happy with, it we'll look at giving your money back. It added

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that it relies on business partners to make the final decision on how

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big the offer should be and 75% of subscribers would recommend to

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others. Do you like a bargain? Everyone likes a bargain. It's a

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bit hunter damage rer, just go into the store and pretend you're on the

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apprentice. There's hidden cameras everywhere, I need a discount. I

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was on the Groupon's guy side. It seems like an odd item, you're very

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much on the consumers friend, that guy was going we gave 75% off cakes.

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It's the quantity of the offers that's the Irish you. Too many

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people getting good deals, OK? That sounds bad. Too many people getting

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a fair deal. Would you sell tickets through those websites? For a live

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show? I would be weird about that. We never discount tickets. If

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people pay to see the show, it's the most annoying thing on a flight,

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if you're at a comedy show, and somebody went I paid �8 for my

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ticket. You'd be gutted. They all have to pay the same. That seems

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fair. Let's see you in your seventh DVD, Being Funny. Have we found a

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clip we can play? Yeah, indeed. really.

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This is going to be short. Enjoy it. The first few weeks of joining

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Weight Watchers, you're finding your feet.

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LAUGHTER Are there any parents in?

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CHEERING Has been got parents? Had you to

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think about that, you're an idiot. Parents have got a favourite. If

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your parents told you they didn't have a favourite, all that means is

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you weren't it. If you're an only child and your parents went out of

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their way to tell you they didn't have a favourite, that is bad.

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APPLAUSE I did a joke there about Weight

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Watchers on that clip. It's not easy losing weight. I've had

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complaints about that. A woman came up to me, a larger lay lady, big

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boned. She said "How do you think I feel?" I said "Skwidgey. You've

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lost weight as well. A lot of weight. It was just life on the

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road. You're eating late night, unhealthy food, being a comedian is

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an unhealthy thing. You're up and down the motorways, eating pasties

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or whatever it is that's open at that time. You're constantly

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touring. How well do you know the country do you think? Inside out.

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This is going into a game. We're putting your knowledge to the test.

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I've been to every town in Britain. I don't do the big rooms.. I do

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limb rooms. I think the smaller the town, the better the response.

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have snapshots of places. If we show you three, can you guess where

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are you? Yeah definitely. Give it a ring. It's a reception bell. I love

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:16:46.:16:49.

You performed here the 29th January, 2009, 27th September, 2011. Leny

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Henry was born here. Dudley. It is! APPLAUSE

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The Town Hall in dud sli where I play. It's really nice. Totally

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:17:14.:17:18.

from Birmingham. Here's the next I've got it. Inverness. Good.

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you're a comedian, you're on stage for two hours a night, the rest of

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the day I'm round the shops. Looking for deals. Looking for

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deals on Groupon. Let's see if we can bankrupt this baker. OK. You

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did very well. Two out of two. know two towns in Britain. From

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Inverness to Somerset now. The Heath family got in touch with us

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because they had a mystery that needed solving. Time for Detective

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:17:55.:17:57.

In a house in Somerset there are sorry sights to behold for the

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Heath fallily. There are no eggs for their toasted soldiers. No

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butter for the sandwiches. And no cakes are being baked. But why?

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Because something or someone is stealing food right off the Heath's

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doorstep. I've come town cover exactly who or what is poaching the

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eggs and butter. This summer is the first time it's

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happened. It's become a weekly occurrence. Helen, come on, what's

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been going on? Well, it's just been really strange because we've had 18

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months of milk deliveries, then suddenly one morning we went to

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collect the eggs and the egg box had been eaten. Something had eaten

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all around and taken the eggs out and eaten some of the eggs. They'd

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taken a pack of butter and drag today part way down the path.

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any idea what might be nicking the butter? I think a badger, because a

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badger is down there. Your prime suspect is a badger. And you're a

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friend of the family, what do you think? I think it's a bear that's

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escaped from the zoo. A bear! That's known as a long shot, but a

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funny one. And Emily, what do you think? I think it's a fox or badger.

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I think it's something smaller. We saw a little claw mark in the

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butter one day. I think it's something like a stoat. Mammals

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seem to be the chief suspects. To solve the mystery the Heaths have

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left the body of evidence undisturbed. Here we are! The scene

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of the crime. You see where the yolk has run on the flag stone. The

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egg box is down there. Where did the butter end up? That was dragged

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down the path. Just looking round here and checking out the evidence,

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it's much clearer to me what is probably causing this. I think for

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you chaps, the plot is thickening. Definitely. Very much. Looking at

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the carnage left behind I can definitely rule out a mammal being

:20:04.:20:09.

the perpetrator. Firstly, the eggs haven't been removed from the scene

:20:09.:20:15.

of the crime. Where they have been broken, they've not been smashed to

:20:15.:20:19.

bits. There's just a hole in one side. That tells me the culprit

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hasn't got four legs, it's got two. So, what can it be? The milkman

:20:28.:20:35.

usually delivers the milk, eggs and butter around 5am. The Heaths are

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often about by 8am, leaving plenty of time for the culprit to commit

:20:40.:20:45.

the crime. The One Show team set up motion detecting cameras, a packet

:20:45.:20:50.

of butter and a tantalising fresh car ton of eggs, hoping the guilty

:20:50.:20:54.

party would be caught on cam ra. Luckily, those greedy well doers

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were. The One Show has solved your who done it. Are you ready to see?

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This clip will reveal all. You weren't even in the right group of

:21:05.:21:15.
:21:15.:21:21.

That's a magpie. That's amazing! I never thought it was a bird

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never thought it was a bird actually. This is absolutely

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brilliant. They are really clever birds. They're a member of the crow

:21:30.:21:34.

family. They're really smart. They're taking advantage of a

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window in between when the milkman comes and when your mum and dad get

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up. Isn't that astonishing. eggs are smashed because of its

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beak. The beak is really strong on magpies. Do you remember the

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butter? Watch this. It comes up to the camera and makes sure the coast

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is clear and drag it's down the garden path. That's amaigz. I've

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never seen them doing this before. They will eat berries, fruit, but

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particularly when they're raising their chicks, they steal lots of

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eggs from other birds' nests and take chicks out of the nests.

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They're real predators. I never thought it would be birds. I just

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think it's weird. With this new- found knowledge, Helen's eggs and

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butter will be placed well out of harm's way. The magpies will have

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harm's way. The magpies will have to look elsewhere for their free

:22:27.:22:35.

breakfast. Mystery solved. How dare he!

:22:35.:22:40.

delightly worried, what's the item about, magpies' cholesterol level?

:22:40.:22:49.

Serious health issue here. Leave some all bran out. Poor little

:22:49.:22:59.
:22:59.:22:59.

things. Diabetic magpies. Something must be done. As you said in the

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film, magpies are from a particularly clever family.

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crow family. We think parrots or mynahs, but this is a raifpb,

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they're coming in to -- raven, they're coming in to winter roost.

:23:17.:23:21.

If three people walk into the roost before it goes dark, they won't go

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in unless all three come out F two come out, they won't come in. They

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can count. They can fly as well. During your research, you have come

:23:30.:23:34.

up to another bird not related to the crow, but could be related to

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the Carr family. Yes, this hornbill called julio was spotted by Seann

:23:41.:23:51.
:23:51.:23:54.

Walsh. -- Gary Gary Warlow in Whitstable. Let's hear the laugh.

:23:54.:24:04.
:24:04.:24:08.

It's very close. That is remarkably similar and slightly humiliating.

:24:08.:24:17.

Thank you very much. It's a weird laugh. Each year Christmas cards

:24:17.:24:21.

raise an estimated �50 million for charity. When they were first

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invented they caused a scandal. million times, but rather than

:24:28.:24:31.

spreading seasonal goodwill, the very first commercial Christmas

:24:31.:24:37.

cards caused something of a controversy. It all began in 1843

:24:37.:24:44.

with a packed diary of one Mr Henry Coal.

:24:44.:24:50.

# Ding dong merily on high... # He was the Renaissance man in

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Victorian London. He was a designer, inventor and entrepreneur, a book

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publisher, a leading light in the great exhibition of 1851 and he

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still found time to found the Victoria and Albert museum. This

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was one busy bee. Too busy to write to all his nearest and dearest at

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Christmas, Henry had a brainwave. He would commission a thousand pre-

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printed cards that he could send to friends and relations and then sell

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the rest in his shop. But his inspired idea was at odds with the

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rising puritan tide. The card was designed by leading artist JC

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Whoresly. He came up with a middle class family scene, with

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festivities being enjoyed and good works for the poor being done. But

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look closely, a young child is sipping from a large gablet of wine.

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-- goblet of wine. Scandal. Alcohol was thought to be the demon drink

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by the teetotal tem prance movement who demanded complete abs napbs.

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Crusading against public drunkenness the movement was

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gaining momentum. The public promotion of alcohol on a Christmas

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card was too much for some to bear. There had been concern about people

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drinking since the 18th century, but after the passage of the beer

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act in 1830, when drink became much more available and there was much

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more public drinkenness, the movement to make tem prance tea-

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totallism was born, so not having any alcohol at all. The movement

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swept the country. There were many, many temperance societies. What

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would have been the reaction to seeing that image on a Christmas

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card? I think it would have been absolute horror. This would be like

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a red rag to a bull, because people would have seen illustrations

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promoting temperance showing a child being given drink by its

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mother. To have that in a Christmas card would have been appalling.

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as we know, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Word spread about

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the card and its alcoholic youngster. Sales rose. The first

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thousand print run sold out. And a reprint was ordered.

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# Hark, the herald angels sing # Glory to the newborn king #

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He had a Christmas hit on his hands, and the tradition of mass produced

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Christmas cards had begun. And how smart was this? Three years earlier,

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in 1840, he had also helped to invent the way these cards would be

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delivered. He was one of the men behind the penny post. What he was

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really good at was publicity. He publicised pro, deucing leaflets,

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pamphlets, doing dramatic sketches. He did cartoons. He even did jokes

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where he invaded Post Offices. Anything to bring the cause to the

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penny post to the public eye. Three years after the introduction, here

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he is promoting a Christmas card which will massively boost the

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sales of postage stamps. Henry created a scandal that created a

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global multimillion pound industry. Little can he have known 170 years

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after he sent the first one, the Christmas card would still be going.

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So as you write yours, don't be too quick to curse him, before Henry,

:28:32.:28:42.
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you'd have been writing Christmas Very festive. Thanks very much

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Jimmy. Don't send me a card with a letter telling me how good your

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