17/01/2014 The One Show

Good evening, here we are on BBC One on on a Friday night. Alex and

myself in our lab coats. Are we off to CERN? No, we are having a science

Friday. We will show you the scientifically proven best way to

dunk a chocolate digestive in your tea. What else? We will also be

revealing how I can squirt you with ketchup without it sticking. Are you

ready? It's freezing, in here, isn't it? Hello and welcome to your Friday

One Show with Alex Jones and And my reluctant guinea pig, Chris Evans.

Tonight's guests have always had a lot of chemistry between them, but

they have struggled to take the relationship to the next level. Are

you doing anything on Friday, Ted? Plenty to do on the lower field. You

misunderstand me, Ted, I did mean in the evening? It's just I have a

couple of tickets for Tina Turner. APPLAUSE

They never get to hear the great lady together. We can fix it for

them right now, it's Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson. CHEERING AND

APPLAUSE # You're simply the best

# Better than all the rests... BBC Welcome to the show, gentlemen.

Perhaps why Britain needs a new sketch show. First of all, one good

favour deserves another. The can you get your phones out please. What was

the last text message you received or sent. The last one that your

phone dealt with. Mine is your daughter, "do you want to do

something Saturday lunch, tell me to bog off if I'm being a pain?" What

is yours? Mine is from a pizza chain saying that they have 50% off this

weekend. Excellent. Charlie? Mine is from my brother in Australia. Says

"Happy New Year." I don't have a lot of friends. Obviously, very close.

What about you? Ooooggg! It's true. That is what it says. The reason we

ask is because the American National Security Agency has been gathering

200 million texts every day from around the world regardless of

whether they are sent by someone under surveillance or not. What

exactly might they be learning from the great British public's text

messages? We sent 00 Joe to find out. This is Agent Crowley, things

are worse than we thought. Even here by MI6 people are sending and

receiving text message. It's a hotbed of dissident activity. Can we

see one? I want to know if there is dissent activity? I said, "fix yo

phone, ha-ha". Ha-ha your agent codename? It is actually. How did

you guess I don't have my phone on me. Is that because you are trying

to evade the authorities worried they will track you down. That is

it? Lots of Tube issues. Them saying, "no, worries see you when we

do." A man is on his phone right by MI6. Can't hear what he is saying

personally, can you hear? Maybe just ask the Americans, OK. One of my

friends started the ab challenge. Are they in training for. OK. You

are helpful. We will keep an eye on you. "all, , look forward to seeing

you on Saturday. Lots of love, dad." The last message was, "we will see

you soon. Meet you on the north side of Vauxall Bridge, x, x, x." X, x,

x? It's code, hopefully they can't crack it. One from my friend on what

bus to come and see me. "Take 188" Are you aware of this? I have heard

of 188. I can't talk about it. Ask the NSA. Nothing juicy there.

America, stop watching our texts, thank you. Pointless. Do you worry

about the Big Brother culture at all, Charlie? I mean, the amount of

emails and things that are sent, how can anyone sit down and read it. How

many people does it take to look through all of those? More than the

population of the entire North America. The They are so inept. I

like the way you say that. The If I got hold of them though I'd sort

them out. Probably would. You would rewrite it all, Charlie. We will

talk to a scientist in Australia, where your brother is from, who has

carried out an in-depth analysis into the best way to dunk our

biscuits. First we are going to need a biscuit to do the dunking with.

Jane. Dry or dunked, everyone's got a favourite. Jammy dodger. Dark

chocolate digestive. When it comes to biscuits we are passionate we buy

35 pacts each every year. 1 pacts are sold every second across the UK.

How do the experts create a new biscuit? We wanted to create a

biscuit of our own at the One Show. To do so we need your help. Meet my

biscuit brigade, a crack team of researchers who have been on the

streets asking people what they look for in the perfect biscuit. What

shape do you want your biscuit? Ring shape. Star. Roundish. What

pecksure? Soft. Crumbly. What should the main flavour be? Chocolate.

Chocolate. What do you want inside it? Hazelnuts. Peakan. Raisins. The

results are in. More than 100 of you have had your say. I have wish list.

We can now take it to the experts to see if we can make it a reality.

Fox's factory produce 75 biscuits a second. They are looking out for new

ideas. We get ideas from all over the world. We look at consumer

trends. Have you had complete disasters? Biscuits we have launched

before the public were ready for them. Sometimes you get flavours

like salted Carmel which consumers are are used to in chocolate, it

might take a while to get used to that flavour in the biscuit. They

only create a new biscuit range every couple of years. Today is very

special. The majority vote was for The One Show biscuit to be round,

crunchy and packed with milk and dark chocolate chunks, raisins and

Carmel. That is like a lot of extras. Will people come up with a

long list and it's more than they would want to the eat? Yes. People

who said they wanted it in, didn't necessarily want it all in. Our job

is to find the per President-elect blend of things that go together in

a biscuit. Equal quantities of each of the main ingredients make up our

first test batch. After weighing and baking, it's tasting time.

Cake generally, I'm a more is more kind of guy. With these I have to

admit I find the Carmel is fighting everything? It's adding a richness.

You can't taste the chocolate so much in particular. I think,

perhaps, what we need to do is remake these samples, but just make

it without the carmel flavour. Batch two with a refined filling. 60 grams

of milk chocolate chunks, 50 grams each of dark chocolate and hazelnuts

and 45 grams of raisins that will make 27 biscuits. One final

decision, chocolate or golden? The idea of having a chocolate biscuit

is amazing. The reality is that the golden dough helps to deliver more.

You can taste the raisins, nuts and chocolate better in the golden

biscuits. Packed with the extras they would cost twice as much as the

regular biscuits they make here. In terms of taste, I think we have

cracked it. Here it is The One Show biscuit. It is stuffed full of

raisins and hazelnuts and lumps of chocolate. Time for the biscuit

brigade to get some reaction. It's not too sweet and crumbly. It's

delicious. Like a shortbread rather. I like the bits that you have in it.

It didn't disintergrate. It's the best one I've ever tasted. They are

delicious. You can't argue with that. I'd say it's mission

accomplished. Well, we will soon see about that. We have a cup of tea

each. The dream biscuits are in the tin. I'm worried about the hand on

that. Tell everybody about the hand? I don't Think this is my hand. They

thinks we have drafted in a hand model. We don't have the budget for

a hand model, Jay? Who wants a biscuit? Stereo defer to the lady.

The only one with manners. I'm off the sugar. The I'm totally off the

sugar. There is no sugar on biscuits on Friday. This is the best One Show

I've been on biscuits and tea. It's not quite a custard cream, that is

the greatest biscuit, isn't it? We haven't time for that debate. It's a

fine biscuit. Important is the dunkability to the manufacturers as

well as the customers? McVities removed 50% of the fat from their

digestives they are putting it back in. They did it for health reasons -

Thank God for. That The consumer did not like its dunkability. I like a

lot of fat? I hate fat. He has never eaten a biscuit before. How does the

fat affect the flavour of the biscuit once it's been dunked? Who

cares as long as it's got fat in it? I have to do this. If you put the

biscuit in the hot tea, the heat melts the flats, they become liquid,

the flavours become mobile. You get a more favourable... That was worth

it. The One Show biscuit is a delight? A fabulous, golden crunchy

biscuit. What is the big news in the biscuit world? The huge news, the

monument Ali large news is that breakfast biscuits, that part of the

market, has expanded by 30%. Because of people not eating a proper

biscuit. Terrible news. I'm shocked. Are nice. There was a survey of top

five biscuits, number two was a Kit Kat. It's a snack, not a biscuit. A

biscuit element. We all have a biscuit element. More biscuit than

most. Charlie was told to suppress his biscuit eating desires by Bob

Mortimer. You do a better Bob Mortimer and that Bob Mortgager. We

can go live to the only expert in dunking. He is currently having his

breakfast in Australia with his first cup of tea of the day. Morning

Dr Len Fisher. The problem is, how long should we dunk for? I start by

showing how you could do a calculation. Shortbread a couple of

seconds, Ginger Nuts a couple of seconds. It's not how scientists

think. We start that way. You find a simpler way. The simpler way can

apply to things like chocolate digestives. Instead of dunking a

biscuit straight into tea and trying to keep the outside wet while the

inside stays dry so it doesn't fall in. Take your tea and lay it across

the top. One side gets way. The other side stays dryer, in this case

the chocolate stays dry. Have you a perfect dunk and, umm, there's

breakfast. Thank you. Thank you, Len. Come on. That was worth the

link, wasn't it? That is how they won the cricket. Brilliant. Stephen

Hawking will be worried and Brian Cox after that. It's the Australian

way, Paul. Thank you, Len. He can still hear us. Here is a message to

any little ones watching who want to dance, but are starting to suspect

they might have too left feet. Don't worry about it, the same thing that

happened to a little girl called Audrey. Those two left feet made her

a big star. In this house in Kensington lived a

girl who dreamt of being a ballerina but went on to become one of the

most photographed women in Hollywood. The Oscar-winning film

star Audrey had burnt. But when she came to live here, in 1948, their

ambitions were far from the silver screen. When she lived here with a

bunch of other promising dunces, they were training a famous ballet.

The story began many hundreds of miles away in continental Europe.

Audrey was born in 1929 commented Dutch nobility on her mother's side.

She led a privileged upbringing, but the outbreak of war would turn her

world upside down. The Nazis invaded her hometown in Holland in 1940, as

she later told her son. The Second World War in Holland was terrible.

Two brothers, one was in prison and the other was deported. She told me

many times she would wake up at night, just dreaming of the sound of

the tanks. In spite of the occupation, she had set her sights

on becoming a ballerina. She took ballet lessons and even put on

secret informants is in aid of the Dutch resistance. Her family, she

always tried very hard to keep some kind of normality during the war. It

was a way to chase away the sadness. Pretending the war is not

going on. But soon the Germans blockaded Holland's food supplies

and the so-called hunger winter claimed nearly 22,000 lives. One

thing my mother always talked about was that when the war was over she

was diagnosed as being two weeks away from death because of

malnutrition. But, after Holland's liberation in May 1945, Audrey

pursued her ballerina dreams, gaining a scholarship. The teacher

put her up on her own home, where she shared aim room with classmate

Christina Brooks. She desperately wanted to be a dancer. Could you

recognise her star quality right from the start? Straightaway. She

had a beautiful smile. When she started to dance, she made everybody

wants to dance with her. Today, for the first time, her son, Luka, is

visiting the house they shared. This is your mother's bedroom? It's quite

emotional for me. But here, her teacher would ultimately -- her

dreams of becoming a ballerina. What did she say to her? She told her,

you dance like a hippopotamus. She always said she was told she could

not be a dancer, I was too frail, because of starvation during the

war, my body was not fit enough. But the harsh words meant that a star

would be born. In rubbishing her dancing career, she created a star.

The rest is history. Audrey Hepburn would go on to have a movie career

spanning 40 years. Her wartime experiences and suffering then led

her to humanitarian work until she died at just 63. But the dancer who

settled for second best as an actress has etched her name in

Hollywood history. Stunning lady. The comedy fraternity

or a very loyal bunch, or they can become at least. Guys here tonight

are talking about one of the Band of Brothers that is no longer with us,

Felix Dexter. Before we get onto what you are going to do for him in

the next couple of weeks, who was he and what did he do, for people that

know, and how come he was so loved? He was a fantastic character actor.

He did fantastic character comedy. People really remember his fantastic

age of characters. People will have first seen him on The Real McCoy, in

the 90s. That is when we became aware of him. We asked him to do

some stuff on The Fast Show. We asked him to do that whenever we

could, most recently on a radio show called Bellamy's People. That is the

TV programme. He is on a sugar high! I told you he had never had a

biscuit before. You were looking for somebody to do a Jamaican accent on

The Fast Show, and you found him. Yard star! All right, then! No. I

can't keep up with this. You both set up a really special

evening to pay tribute to Felix. What exactly are you doing next?

Some big names involved? Very tragic, Felix's death. As we are

trying to keep his memory alive and he was very conscious of making some

contribution to the island that he came from, Saint Kitts in the West

Indies. Also, to raise money and awareness about melanoma, the cancer

that he died from. We are doing a night at the Apollo, in Hammersmith.

It has a funny name, we all know it as the Hammersmith Apollo. Big

names, Alan Carr, Sean Lock, Jo Brand. Jack Dee. We are doing a

Muhammad. -- we are doing a bit. And can people get tickets? No, no, no.

Yes, they can, but they are going fast. A great night and a great way

to remember Felix. Sketch shows, did you say recently that Britain needs

a new sketch show? He probably did, I still do one with Harry. We win

BAFTAs and awards. I love sketch shows and panel shows, but it is

much easier and cheaper to make panel shows. I felt lately they have

gone down the easy route and said, let's make a panel show, it's not a

risk. When you look back, the big sketch shows have been defined and

each generation had their sketch show, from Little Britain to Monty

Python. There are some good ones around, but it would be nice if they

made more and it would be nice if there was a big one for the kids of

today. Is there time for a longer sitcom or show? You talk about Vine,

a five second window for jokes, then you get Instagram, you get videos

that are a minute. We are slightly guilty of that with The Fast Show.

Let's get things going. If it makes you laugh, it doesn't matter if it

is one hour long or six seconds. Sorry... No, no. I was just

thinking. It is the 20th anniversary since The Fast Show started this

year. Will you be doing a special one off, will you be celebrating in

some way? It is also the 50th anniversary of BBC Two. Comedy has

been a big part of BBC Two. We will be doing something on that. Harry

and I are doing something for 50 years of BBC Two. I think they are

going to try to tie something in with The Fast Show, 20 years since

the first one. We'll just say the same things again, suits you, sir,

pretend it is original. We will laugh in the same place. Earlier, we

put a table of specially selected object outside and gave it a

complete soaking. Why, you asking? Why? That is what they are asking.

They have been sprayed with a special substance called NeverWet

and we wanted to see if it works. Before we find out, here is Marty

with how it might work. The new aerosol spray has been

released in the United States. While it has not reached our shores just

yet, it claims to have amazing properties. In a video that has gone

viral with nearly 10 million views, the manufacturers show their

products repelling liquids from things like T-shirts to training

shoes. The manufacturers of NeverWet claimed their spray can apply a

coating that will completely repel water. So, I am going to try it out

for myself, by first spraying this absorbent white boiler suit. Let's

see what happens when I apply some black coffee to my lovely new

outfit. The coffee just rolls down the pursuit, it doesn't have a

chance to soak in. Now let's try catch up on the leg. -- this route.

The steady catsup cannot seem to get a grip on the surface. What about

glass? I only spray the outside of the glass tray, leaving a square of

untreated blasts in the middle. As it falls, you can see it falling in

tiny balls, that dance along the sprayed surface until they reach the

glass in the middle. This remarkable technology has been inspired by

plants. Lotus leaves have intrigued scientists for years because they

live in wet places, yet managed to remain nice and dry. Water just runs

off their service. Because of this, the lotus leaf is known as being

superhydrophobic. To find out more about how superhydrophobic materials

work, I am meeting with Dr Tell Tuttle, a chemist at the University

of Strathclyde. The surface of the superhydrophobic materials are

covered in paint like structures like this. When a water droplet

falls onto the surface, only a very small amount is in contact with the

surface itself. Looking at the surface of a lotus leaf and a

microscope reveals how many of these structures there are. As we zoom in,

we see that each is, in turn, made up of pin shapes. All of these pins

acted like stilts. Hang on, why doesn't the water go into the

valleys between the pin! ? It is a part charged molecule. If it is

attracted to a material, water will spread over it. But if a material

has little or no charge, the water is attracted to itself. It is pushed

into a ball and simply rolls away. This principle has inspired man-made

superhydrophobic materials. Because recent advances in nanotechnology

now allow others to recreate the pin like shapes that we find in nature.

But as this is The One Show, I want to really push this product. For the

ultimate in water propulsion testing, will a cardboard boat stay

afloat longer when it is coated in superhydrophobic material? One is

covered in protective spray, one is just plain cardboard. Which one will

keep me afloat the longest? First is the boat that has not been sprayed.

Within minutes, my first vote springs a leak and the cardboard

soaks up the water like a sponge. The end is inevitable. Well, that

lasted about five minutes. Let's see how a superhydrophobic boat gets on.

The protective coating seems to be keeping the boat afloat. Asked the

five minute mark, no problem. In fact, it lasts nearly three times as

long. I've been sitting here for about 12 and a half minutes and I've

still not quite sunk in. Do you think it is the future for

boat-building? Anyway, my superhydrophobic boat has done very

well. That was a good film, thank you very

much. The question is, has it worked on our specially selected items?

Well, yes. Dry side, wet side. Treated or not treated. The biscuits

are good, that is important. Full of sugar, treated or not. It works

quite well. What is this product actually for? They reckon you could

use it on things like satellite dishes to stop them going rusty,

your shared, or... As yours not been done? Statues and things like that.

My willing guinea pigs, Chris's overcoat, it has been sprayed. You

say goodbye and we will test the code, shall we? My name is Michael

Caine. Thank you to Paul and Charlie for joining us. Stand Up For The

Felix Dexter Foundation is on Sunday the 9th of February, at the Apollo,

Manchester. Sorry, Hammersmith! I am here on Monday with Frank Skinner.

See you on Monday. Have a lovely weekend, everyone.