21/11/2011 The One Show


21/11/2011

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Hello and welcome to the One Show and back in the warm studio after

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eight days of blood, sweat and tears on a rickshaw, Matt Baker!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE if thank you, top of the Strictly leaderboard,

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Alex Jones. My jaw was on the floor. You have

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had the weekend to recover. Are you still in pain? My legs are burning

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light you wouldn't believe. I got on the scales when I got home and I

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had lost a stone and a quarter in seven days. That is a lot of weight.

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Get the cake down you! I got into the office today and is greeted me,

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full of congratulations, thank you so much. I have been overwhelmed by

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the letters, the gifts. Thanks ever so much for your generosity. If you

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still want to donate, details will be coming up later. First, what

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about introducing tonight's guest? Apart from being in the most famous

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comedy group in the world. writing one of the greatest sitcoms

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of all time. What has tonight's guest ever done for us? Let's find

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out, it is John Cleese! For how are you? Good to see you. Hello. Sit

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down. It's sit yourself down. nice to see you again. That was

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amazing, what you did. I really admire it. Thank you Marah. He is a

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hero and his knees have taken a right bashing. What about all of

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the Silly walks used to do, did they affect you? I can't do them

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any more because I have an artificial hip and an artificial

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knee. I had a total knee replacement about 12 months ago. It

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is pretty tough, I didn't get a proper night's sleep for six months.

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You are waking up a lot. If you have to have it done, look after

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yourself. A year on? It is weak. They say you should get to the gym

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and strengthen the muscles and then rest. But you have a life and they

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say yes, anyway, get in the gym and then rest. We are looking forward

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to chatting shortly about your DVD. And lookout for a lost Monti Python

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sketch that hasn't been seen on British TV for nearly 40 years.

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John played a very strict headmaster Brian Stimson in

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Clockwise. With all the talk about increasing discipline in our

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schools, maybe his character should be seen as a role model. Simon

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Boazman has found out if it is the kind of approach which has helped

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one man produced an amazing The rules are strict and they are

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set in stone. You get harsh punishments if you don't follow

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them. I aspire to maintain an inquiring mind. It is different.

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But I think it is very rewarding. When I first saw him, I thought he

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was about six feet something. I will have to watch my back!

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admire what he does and I believe in it 100%. This is the man they

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pull out all the stops for. Good afternoon. Michael Wilshaw. He is

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in charge of the successful Moss born Academy, which opened its

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doors in 2004. It replaced Hackney Downs comprehensive, which had been

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called the worst school in Britain. It is 7:30am and the senior team

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are already sitting down for the regular catch up. Good morning. I

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wonder whether we could start off by talking about Key Stage four.

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Any issues? Sir Michael has a history of turning around troubled

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schools. Here, students get top marks with 82% achieving five or

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more GCSEs at grades A star to C, including English and maths. If we

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can improve schools in areas like this, that will put an enormous

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pressure on those schools in more pleasant areas which are not

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I came here thinking maybe I would find a different atmosphere to the

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school I went to, but this is a different universe. The only time

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you saw lines in my school was outside the headmaster's office.

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Here, everyone is in line. Military precision. So why are we interested

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in Sir Michael? Because next year, he will be in charge of the

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school's regulator Ofsted, making him one of the most influential men

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in education. Many teachers would not agree, but he thinks some in

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the industry are coasting. He says that is one of the things he wants

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to tackle. I can't work out whether this is a modern technique for it

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is very old-fashioned. It is old fashioned -- if hole dug -- old-

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fashioned means high expectations from children. If old-fashioned

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means we are asking them to respect others. If traditional means

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ensuring there are no excuses for poor behaviour and for poor

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performance, I'm happy to be called Traditional. One accusation is you

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will cherry-pick the best pupils and exclude troubled pupils and

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that is how you achieve these great result. We can't do that. We

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subscribe to the local authority's code. They insist we take a

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comprehensive intake and I support Good morning. Good morning. They

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always stand up when you come in. They stand up for me and other

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members of staff. They would stand up for the teacher you see here. It

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is a mark of a similar level of respect for authority and the

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authority of teachers. For a start lessons dithery, too. Reciting a

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mantra to get them ready for every class. And then attentive ear so

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that in this class and all classes... What do the pupils make

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of it? It sets you up for the beginning of the lesson. The whole

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school says it and so it is like you are part of the community of

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the school. Sir Michael expects all his teachers to provide as much

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support as possible to the students. Extra lessons are provided, which

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means extra powers for the teachers. I think there's too much pressure

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and too much pressure on. We are all human beings. I know everyone

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in the school works exceptionally hard. Some of the pressure is good,

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they keep has focused and driven. But there are times when I think

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sometimes the pressure is too much. There will be teachers watching who

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will say it is OK for Sir Michael, he has good money and well-paid

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teachers, but we have a struggling part of the country. That is

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nonsense, we get the same funding formula as a school half-a-mile

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away. The only difference is the building which we got eight years

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ago. The revenue funding is the same. We husband that money well

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and I used a lot of that money to retain good staff. They might get

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the same money per child, but Academy's don't have to contribute

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to the local or education authority, which gives them more control of

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their budgets. This is a great success on paper at least, but the

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question will be, can Sir Michael transfer that success he has hit to

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a much bigger organisation like Ofsted? We will have to wait until

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the end of term to find out. As Simon said, there will be

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teachers watching this and there is a former teacher but ciders.

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taught for two years. What I discovered was that they didn't

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mind more relaxed teachers and they didn't mind strict teachers, but

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the teachers they hated were the ones who were a bit lax one day and

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then stripped the next. What they needed more than anything was

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predictability and structure. -- strict. In a sense they felt safe,

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they felt that the teacher was in charge. Would you class yourself as

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a strict teacher? No. Right at the beginning I knew, because I hadn't

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left school three months before, and I knew what it was about.

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There's a war at the start between teachers and the kids. The kids

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want the teacher to win. Then they feel safe, but they are testing him

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out to begin with. If you win the war, the first thing is you have to

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learn all have their names, which is on the first day. If you don't

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know their names, you say, hey you, stop that. Once you have their

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names, you can impose a structure and then they feel better. They

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feel safe to learn. He left teaching and went into comedy.

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Speaking of which, your alimony Tour is out on DVD and you came in

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about six months ago to talk about it. You said your aim was to raise

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�20 million for a divorce settlement. $20 million. Part of a

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divorce settlement. Did you manage it? Three more decades to go! Four

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more years to go, but it made... It was fun and it helped. It was great

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to get out in front of live audiences again because after 35

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years of being in film and television, you don't know if

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people think you're programmes are funny. You have had a great

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response, let's have a look. million, for that amount of money,

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based on their divorce settlements, I could have married Brigitte

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Nielsen 3.3 times. I could have married Pamela Anderson 8.5 times.

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And I could have married anyone from the Isle of Man 2276 times.

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Brilliant! Very good. John is lucky to have a live comedy show to sound

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off about his ex-wife, but what you do if you're not famous and you

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want to get your own back? We sent Alex Wyllie to Liverpool to find

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out. Ladies and gentlemen, we are filming for the One Show and we

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want to hear about your stories way you have been wronged and you found

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a way of taking sweet revenge. Come and tell us, don't be shy. Madame?

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My ex-boyfriend, who cheated on me, I thought what can I do to get him

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back? I thought I would go on a night out and be unfaithful to him.

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And then bring them back? And you go, higher! It takes two to tango.

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We had a horrible supervisor so we got good boy chocolate drops and

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put them in her bag. If you put dog food in her bag? It was chocolate

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drops. She ate them all. I went and kissed her mate in front of her.

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The did she make any comment? did have a shiny coat afterwards.

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Please, tell me your story. This man was not the nicest of

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boyfriends and I thought I know what I will do. I made a lovely big

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pie, lovely pastry, home-made, and I put a pound of dog meat in the

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dish and he ate the lot. I found out he had cheated on me but I

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stayed with him. But when it came to actually cheating on him, I

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couldn't do it. I thought, two wrongs don't make a right. While

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they say vengeance is a dish best served cold, I have learnt that if

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you have been mean to someone and they could you a hot meat pie, it

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is probably best to settle for a salad.

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John talks brilliantly about his career. We thought we would ask you

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some questions, Python style. reveal the dead parrots. Would you

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like to pick a dead parrot? I will have that one to start with. Let's

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have a look. The questions are within. Amazingly, Fawlty Towers

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didn't get viewers when it first aired, did you ever think it was

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going to be a flop? Well, after the second show I remember the Daily

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Mirror had a big headline, Long John short on jokes. I thought,

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works. It really didn't catch on until the fourth or 5th show.

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Whenever you do anything that is genuinely new, it takes a little

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bit of time for people to get on the right wavelength. It did with

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Python. It wasn't until they repeated the Python first series

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that suddenly it became a success. But the first series, people didn't

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really know. A few people got it and a lot of people didn't. People

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certainly did. Another parrot. will choose another one, let's go

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You objected to a BBC drama in which you were played by an actor.

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Why and what happened? They wanted to do something about the couldn't

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frontation with the Bishop of Southwark. I said let's get

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together and check, I would like to they will them something that

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happened and that no-one else knows, they didn't seem to want to know

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that. I thought it was a great story. I have not seen the show. I

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think it is a very interesting story, but they did not seem

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interested in informing themselves about it

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The drama was the film about the Monty Python's Life of Brian, let's

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have a little reminder. Was it you? Yes? Well, you did say

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Jehovah! Stop is it! Now, look, no- one is to stone anyone until I blow

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this whistle, do you understand? Even, and I want to make this

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absolutely clear, even if they do say Jehovah! APPLAUSE

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You were saying that is one of your favourite bits? It still makes me

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life. When he says no-one is to stone

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until I blow the whistle... Classic. Would Monty Python's Flying Circus

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ever be made today, given the way that television is made? I don't

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think so. The person who said to go ahead, we had a most embarrassing

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meeting with him. We asked what the show was about. We didn't really

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know. We had not prepared? --! I thought, please, get me out of here.

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Then he told us to go away and make 13 programmes. They would not make

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that choice now. Then they would trust their gut and they were happy

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to hire talent. To give the talent a chance. To risk what might happen.

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It was a good risk to take. Indeed.

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The last parrot. Here we go.

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Despite not being able to sing a note you ended up in a Broadway mus

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call, how on earth did that happen, -- you ended up in a Broadway

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musical. How did it happen? I was hopeless at singing. One day I was

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in New York, they asked me to audition for a musical. I thought

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it hilarious. They gave me sheets of script to do,

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dialogue. I made the producers laugh.

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Then they asked me to sing something. To which I said "no".

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Seriously. I couldn't remember queues.

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So they asked to sing the National Anthem. I didn't know how it went.

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I thought it was the funniest thing that had happened to me, the phone

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rang and I had gotten the part. I panicked. I went into the rehearsal

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on the first day, I went to the musical director, I said, "Stanley,

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I told them at the audition I could not sing." He said he been on

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Broadway 40 years, he said that everyone could sing, ten minutes

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later he changed his mind! He told me to learn the lines and mime

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Scottish National Party That is what I did every day on stage.

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Brilliant. John has achieved the impossible, he managed to make a

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party political broadcast entertaining. Here is a message now

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from Gyles Brandreth. There now follows a look at party

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political broadcasts on the behalf of the One Show.

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Britain's politicians used to be aluef and remote, but in 1951

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something changed. Something that brought these very strange people

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directly into our living rooms. That something was the party

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political broadcast. This was politics, but not as we

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knew it. It was a huge change. The

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generation this had seen Britain through the Second World War was

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reluctant to appear on television. COMMENTATOR: Anything you care to

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say about the coming election? Michael Cockerel is the doyenne of

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TV political journalism. 1951 for the first time there were

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three party election broadcasts. The first of them was given by an

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octogenarian, Lord Samuel. They are coming from a defeated opposition.

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He spent the whole time looking down and was cut off mid-sentence.

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I think that there is such a way... It was a very auspicious start.

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second broadcast was by the Conservatives, it was slicker.

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Winston Churchill got ant oin Eden to appear. A smooth man, who

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fancied himself on television. They used the BBC's most famous

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interview, Lesley Mitchell. He and an oint learned their lines.

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there a sled of truth in that can't believe that any ordinary

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socialist leaders believe it themselves. To modernise, some of

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the early broadcasts looked unsophisticated and even smug.

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There is a broadcast, where McMillan who is sitting in his

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country house with his Cabinet around him and said I think we

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should be satisfied with the way that things have gone? We have come

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from the House, we are up-to-date! This was not seen as a great

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success. Over the years, the broadcasts

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became more professional. There are some milestones.... Fake

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Labour Party TV studio. COMMENTATOR: This is our television

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operations room. The hard-hitting campaigning after

:19:52.:19:58.

the Winter of Discontent. What a winter.

:19:58.:20:06.

It has not been a lot of fun. And the SDP a$$NEWLINE Alliance

:20:06.:20:12.

trying their hand at comedy. The Pope tells me he is thinking

:20:12.:20:18.

about it! The 1987 election marked a shift from the message to the man.

:20:19.:20:23.

Kinnock the movie from Hollywood director, Hugh Hudson put the

:20:24.:20:28.

politician's personality centre- stage. The real explosive lij of

:20:28.:20:32.

being strong is the power it gives you to help people who are not

:20:32.:20:39.

strong -- privilege. The aim aaccording to the veteran clim nist,

:20:39.:20:42.

Simon Hoggard is to make the politicians feel welcome in our

:20:42.:20:47.

homes. It is about approachable. That if

:20:47.:20:51.

this particular politician was in your front room, you would be

:20:51.:20:57.

having a cup of tea with him or her, thinking that they are OK.

:20:57.:21:05.

Jaim was not a stereo typical upper class Conservative so how to do it?

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You could go on a drive in your chauffer-driven limousine, oh,

:21:10.:21:15.

there is one here. I spent my youth in different

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houses. I used to live down here. I wonder

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if the house is still there? It is still there. It has hardly changed

:21:26.:21:30.

Of course, you could have a conversation between two old and

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dear friends. Take your jacket off to show how informal you are.

:21:36.:21:41.

appear to be mates, to unwind together? The question is how to

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sustain it? The key is stability that leads to growth.

:21:48.:21:55.

They recreate the seen so that they actually look like they like each

:21:55.:21:59.

other. The aim is to do these things

:21:59.:22:03.

simply, without anything other than one person to address the people.

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So, here I am, with the camera getting ever closer and the music

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getting louder. My message is clear: I love this country. I am

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here to offer you myself, my services, my heart, my soul...

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APPLAUSE And we do love him, Gyles Brandreth

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is with us. Now, a lovely film, but where were

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all the women? There were not many women in politics, there are still

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not. 22% of the House of Commons are women. There are not that many

:22:37.:22:40.

women around. David Cameron has been getting into trouble about

:22:40.:22:47.

that. What does he do? He plays Samantha Cameron in the kitchen.

:22:47.:22:52.

Not in the Cabinet. What is the strangest party

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political broadcast ever? I came across this one from the 1st of

:22:57.:23:03.

June, 1994. Broadcast on behalf of the Natural Law Party.

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Their leader was a remarkable man, Dr Jeffrey Clement. I think that

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you will find the policies rather attractive.

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We will establish a group of 7,000 experts, in meditation andowingic

:23:18.:23:27.
:23:28.:23:38.

That's just extraordinary! They succeeded in getting about 1% of a

:23:38.:23:43.

vote! They had celebrities aboard. George Harrison was one of their

:23:43.:23:49.

people that raised money for them. And did you know, can I teach him a

:23:49.:23:54.

little surprise, did you know that you made a party political

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broadcast on the -- on behalf of the Conservative Party? No!

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have forgotten it, as a sketch, 1973 in November, it was not

:24:07.:24:11.

repeated the following year as there was a general election. Last

:24:11.:24:16.

year it turned up on YouTube. It's been picked up by an American

:24:16.:24:21.

broadcaster, I can show you for the first time in 38 years, this is a

:24:21.:24:25.

television scoop, you, John, supporting the Conservative Party.

:24:25.:24:30.

Watch this. Good evening, figures talk. We have fulfilled over three

:24:30.:24:36.

of our election pledges. Before the end of our second year of good

:24:36.:24:45.

Conservative rule, that is. What is more, we hope that in the autumn in

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legislation... We will help those in lower income groups.

:24:54.:25:03.

No. No. Look, it is and. One and two and three and four. Five and

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six and seven and down. Do you know any other words? Don't

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think of them, count them in your head. No. One and two... No.

:25:14.:25:19.

Do it with me. Further more we hope that we can stop the rising

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unemployment. Point at employment with your finger. I can do it when

:25:26.:25:31.

you're here! I won't be far away. Now, for something completely

:25:31.:25:33.

different. Yes, last week was definitely a

:25:33.:25:38.

week of ups and downs as Matt road his rickshaw across the country,

:25:38.:25:44.

let's have a look back at his extraordinary journey.

:25:44.:25:54.
:25:54.:25:55.

3, 2, 1, off you go! Let's go! Just over a mile down. 483 to go.

:25:55.:26:02.

And now I have a piper in the back. Things don't get much better than

:26:02.:26:06.

this in the Scottish Borders! Yes! Let's just roll on down to London.

:26:06.:26:13.

One minute I was happy, the next minute hanging over the bars in

:26:13.:26:23.

tears. # On the road again... # Misty rain,

:26:23.:26:30.

Pudsey in the back. Uphill, a great cocktail atam in the morning! We

:26:30.:26:34.

have a mini Pudsey on board. Can you come the whole way to London?

:26:34.:26:42.

You are lighter than the bigger Pudsey? No?!! County Durham! It is

:26:42.:26:52.
:26:52.:26:55.

slipping. Go on, Matt! Come on! 200... 200

:26:55.:27:00.

feet away from the highest point in the whole route. The money we have

:27:00.:27:03.

rised -- raised. How long have you been waiting for

:27:03.:27:09.

me? About an hour, at least! Sorry to keep you out in the wet. Thank

:27:09.:27:16.

you, all! York! Here we come. Let's go! The last four days has hit me

:27:16.:27:19.

like a... Sharp pains in the old knees.

:27:19.:27:25.

I've got the back of my kneecap grinding against my bone.

:27:25.:27:29.

It is excruciating. It makes you feel sick. All of these people that

:27:29.:27:34.

are waiting out to cheer me on and keep me going. I just feel so... So

:27:34.:27:41.

bad that I can't get to them when they're expecting me to get to them.

:27:41.:27:45.

Thank you very much indeed! The people of ling conshire didn't let

:27:45.:27:50.

me down. It was worth every minute of pain.

:27:50.:27:55.

Somebody just told me today, over 100,000 pledged today! Today?

:27:55.:28:02.

Really? Well, we have now left Lincoln behind us.

:28:02.:28:08.

I'ming to get to Peterborough by about 6.00pm. What is your average

:28:08.:28:12.

speed? We are doing ten miles in an hour-and-a-half today.

:28:12.:28:19.

I should have brought a picnic. Here we go. Isn't that great! Into

:28:19.:28:29.
:28:29.:28:30.

a head wind! Less than 100 miles! Less than 100 miles. Look at the

:28:30.:28:34.

school kids! What lessons should you be in now? Maths? This is

:28:34.:28:44.
:28:44.:28:54.

APPLAUSE A massive, massive thank you to

:28:54.:28:58.

every single person that came out to support me along the way, I

:28:58.:29:03.

honestly could not have done it without you. It was all worth it.

:29:03.:29:10.

Thank you again for your generous donation, that now total a

:29:10.:29:20.
:29:20.:29:21.

staggering � �1,524,526. Your donations are vital to help

:29:21.:29:31.
:29:31.:29:39.

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