31/01/2013 The One Show

Hello and welcome to The One Show with Alex Jones. And Matt Baker.

Tonight's guest does a mean impression of Tom Jones and Ronnie

Corbett. Tonight, he is starring as himself. It is Rob Brydon! And good

to see you. Of course, you are co- hosting Comic Relief. Yes.

Direction are doing the official single. They have a fantastic

record coming out. Obviously, I am well up on One Direction. "a

fantastic record"! We wondered if you could perhaps join them? This

is what you would look like in the band. That is one of the saddest

sights you will ever see. I met Harry styles, actually. I had a

photo with him and showed it to my daughter, and my credibility went

through the roof. Are you going to sing with him like you did with

Tom? It is a worrying thought, from their point of view! Well, you have

joined us on a great night, because we have a lovely film later about

what it was like growing up with the The Lion, The Witch And The

Wardrobe or the CS Lewis. And that got us thinking - what is in yours?

As in, your wardrobe? Have a rummage around and if you find

anything weird or wonderful, take a picture of yourself with it and e-

mail it to us. Rob, kick us off. What is the weirdest thing in your

wardrobe? I have a loincloth. I did a series in Australia a few days

ago -- a few years ago called Supernova, and there was a scene in

that where I had to be wandering around the outback in a real

loincloth, so I kept it. Thought it might spice things up at home. But

it hasn't. Does it come out often? In it doesn't. Not since that while

the fate for first time. I felt it wise not to repeat that experience.

Time for a bit of Mastermind. Our specialist subject tonight is tax

and how to avoid paying it. Asking the questions today, a powerful

group of demanding MPs. In the hot seat, the firms that make millions

by helping others pay less tax. The One Show had special permission to

go behind the scenes and get access to the chair of the Public Accounts

Committee Margaret Hodge, as she prepared to give the tax advisers a

run for their money. Labour MP Margaret Hodge is not a

woman to be messed with. I don't know what you takers for. We need

proper answers to proper questions. The idea that you come here and do

not answering questions, it is not on. As chair of the Public Accounts

Committee, it is her job to make sure taxpayers don't get short-

changed. This robust probing of tax affairs of Google, Amazon and

Starbucks raised eyebrows and helped force the US coffee giant

into paying more tax in the UK. Behind this door, Margaret Hodge is

gearing up for her committee's next moment in the spotlight. She agreed

to give me some insight into how she prepares for battle. We are

here to talk about tax. I never feel confident. Maybe that is me. I

feel really nervous, really conscious that I am not an expert

in this world. But I hope this time, I have prepared. Facing the Public

Accounts Committee's questions today will be the senior

accountants to help multinationals lower their tax bills by exploiting

the legal loopholes in our tax system. Former tax inspector

Richard Brooks's keen to see that the committee does not pull its

punches. Everybody else expects rich people and a big companies to

pay a reasonable amount of tax on their profits. These characters

advise companies on how not to do that. So I think Margaret Hodge's

best chance of success is to show the difference between what they do

and the public expects. I am like Richard, few MPs have specialist

backs knowledge, so Margaret and her committee make sure they do

their homework. Our have done a lot of preparation. We have the

National Audit Office, whose job it is to prepare reports for us on

value for money. I have talked to a lot of experts in the field, and we

do go a heck of a lot. How robust will you be in your questioning?

Firstly, they always say, everything we do is legal. But we

know that they take fantastic risks. Secondly, all too often, these guys

come into government and help write the new tax laws. So it is a

poacher turned gamekeeper, and then back to poacher again. Before a big

hearing, the committee meets for a final briefing. MPs are drawn from

different parties to ensure, at least in theory, that the committee

does not split along party lines. We don't often wash our dirty linen

in public. We will have a private meeting, thrash out the issues and

come to a consensus. To date, Margaret wastes no time in getting

stuck in. So you have deliberately taken them offshore so that they

don't pay their fair share of tax in the UK. That stinks. I don't

agree, Madam Chairman, obviously. I think we are giving the best advice

we can. By Esther advice in what context? To businesses that are

competing internationally. Best advice to them, or to the

collective good? We are giving the best advice to the client and the

options they have. Margaret, I am here to ambush you. How did it go?

I am exhausted. I think it went well. Nobody cried. You did not

have any breakdowns, or anybody sobbing and saying, I have done

wrong. I have never had anybody cry in giving evidence to us. But I

think I got more than I hoped. We are trying to make sure everybody

pays their fair share according to the profits they make.

Well, tax specialist Richard Murphy joins us now, someone else who has

been liaising with Margaret. We heard her reaction to this morning.

Do you think they landed any big punches? Not the way they did with

Google, Starbucks and Amazon, but we learnt a lot. We learnt that

these big firms do sell tax avoidance. It took two hours to get

them to admit it, which is some indication of how careful they are

about the language they use. We learnt that they have so many

branches in tax havens that one of the people they did not even know

where his firms have offices and have to be reminded. We know that

their auditors sign the deal's off. We know that these companies are

not only selling tax avoidance, but as Margaret pointed out, they are

also helping to write the law for the Government. So a lot of issues

came out this morning which let people understand better what the

roles of these firms are. mentioned Google, Starbucks and

Amazon. We all know about those three. But how began operation is

tax avoidance? A HM Revenue and Customs reckon tax-avoidance costs

the UK �5 billion a year. I reckon it costs �25 billion a year. There

is obviously a big difference there. Google, Starbucks and Amazon are

not actually in the revenue's estimates at all, because they

don't think that problem can be solved yet, so they have not added

it into the total, but I have. It is a lot of money we are talking

about. I am sure those in the firing line would argue that what

they are doing is not illegal, but what will the Government do to

crack down on this? It is not illegal, but nor is it definitely

legal. It happens firstly between different states, not just in the

UK. So you are finding loopholes. That is what tax-avoidance is,

going round the law. Surely it is clear if somebody is doing it.

Could you not make it illegal? some extent, it is clear. You

recognise it when you see it, but try to define it is hard. It is

like an elephant. But that is great, and it has a trunk. I should not

have said that next to a comedian! You have a slim grasp of reality,

my friend. The The ayes to the right is that we can grasp the

reality, because what is actually reported and where it is happening

and where it is going on, that is the big test. Is it possible to

make it illegal? The government is trying. It has a law coming up. I

don't think that will work well enough. We have to push harder to

solve this. There is a tax deadline out today. You have four hours and

50 minutes to get your tax return in. Online, you can still do it.

You can do it before midnight. As we have already seen on The One

Show this week, parts of the country have been affected by

flooding yet again. By but one area of Cheshire is still recovering

from the September floods of last year.

The Trent and Mersey canal is 93 miles long and 235 years old, but

in September last year, part of this historic waterway dramatically

gave way, draining into a farmer's field. Whoa can't go much further.

Local tea room a Warner Belinda saw the breach happened. What happened?

It was amazing. Let me show you an image. You were one of the first on

the scene. Yes. This was at about eight in the morning. There were

cracks where I was stood. I was pinned right back against the hedge.

The were you not scared? Ferry. You can see I was shaking. People

obviously using the canals and the boats, they can't get this far up.

No. The Cheshire Ring is now a dead end. So you need it fixed quickly.

Very much so. It is not just the boaters and holidaymakers we will

miss, it has the walkers and a lot of people using it for dog-walking.

A round 2000 miles of canal in the UK is looked after by a charity

called the canals and river Trust. They rely heavily on donations.

Ince is the operations director in charge of rebuilding the canal.

Gobsmacked at how big this is. is a bit of a job. The Trent and

Mersey Canal ran along here. Embankment, keeping the water high

up above the fields of the wonderful Cheshire countryside.

Because of all the rain we had last summer, this bank burst away.

Thousands of cubic material were washed away. Millions of litres of

canal water. Was it a sudden break of the bank? We had about 24 hours'

notice. We knew something was wrong. There have been five times as many

land slips in this country in the second half of last year than in

any previous year, because of the saturated ground. Being here, it is

hard to get across the sheer scale of the devastation. But where I am

standing, you could fit 12 double- decker buses! You have to fill this

with modern-day materials. What would have been used originally?

200 and 50 years ago, they used the material that was here. They dug

out from the hillside, created the Embankment and then lined it with

clay. The clay forms the seal. We will now use modern materials that

will look exactly as it did, but it will be more secure. How important

is it to Britain to continue this heritage of canals? Were well, I am

biased, but that it is massively important. If you remember the

Olympic opening ceremony, everyone was in awe of the industrial

revolution and how it was depicted. The canals were part of that. The

canal industry generates �500 million of value for the country.

We are at the lowest level here on the flood plain, so we will have to

gradually step it up. When it is finished, get the canal bed back in,

let the water in, boating continues. So for the summer, hopefully you

will be ready. It would be lovely if we could come back and see the

finished article. You are welcome. Deal. The last one back up their

makes the tea. No milk in mind, Euan! Another job well done by a

water expert. Rob, you are hosting Comic Relief

this year. How long is your stint? There are a lot of posts. I think

mine is an hour or an hour and a half. Add it happens to be 25 years

of Comic Relief. It isn't that amazing? There are so many

highlights over the years. I always remember when Dawn French snog Hugh

Grant. I remember that. I remember waiting for that. And when Lenny

Henry did the thing with Tom Jones. The singing thing. I always

remember those moments. But Comic Relief Bay, Red nose night, always

has special moments. What have you got planned? Big things. We are

sitting on something big. The new sound vague, Rob. Her I am like a

politician. I think it would be wrong at this stage to get into

specifics, but let me say this - you will not be disappointed.

one of the big pushes this year is malaria and preventing malaria. So

you went to Africa, and here is you with a mother and child affected by

Hey, there, you are a smiler, aren't you? We have found out that

this little girl does have malaria. Don't you? Yes. If you are there

thinking, your �5 does not count, well, �5 would pay for a malaria

net it may have stopped this little girl getting malaria.

Lovely little girl. Such a lovely girl.

She was gorgeous. Her mother brought her in early. It is really

hard to do those things. Even now as I sit here, you start to fill up.

Now that little girl was, the mother brought her in early. She

looked full of life. Charming and a smiler, but the majority of the

kids they are bringing in are lifeless, limp little things.

We witnessed something, I think it will end up in one of the films,

where they brought in a little boy, they were trying to put a drip into

him, an IV line. They were trying to find a vein. They could not find

one on the arms. They were trying to get in through the head. Trying

to get this needle in, the nurse could not do it. Then they got one

in but there are just lines of mothers with their children. So

they get it in, give them the drip. Then the mother carries the child

to the ward and, now, don't think of the ward being lovely beds it is

awful. They have not got enough drip stands for the drips. So you

get four on one. The mothers are sitting on the floor. These

children, people are having their dinner now but these children have

problems with their waterworks, that is all going on.

It is horrendous. I have watched these films and I've

been affected by them. But when you are there... And the

smell... Oh, it was a real, it was very hard.

It stays with you a long time. You are carrying that through on

the night. The last time that Comic Relief was on, �74 .3 million on

the night. That figure goes up it is

remarkable, but when you see... When you see the films. I have been

privilegeed to go and see it. The way that we live here, I know you

have been out, Alex but you can't compete, really it is like another

planet, not another continent. The thing is that it does not have to

be that way. Especially with malaria. It is preventable. The

nets cost �5. It is about educating and then giving the equipment that

is needed. Let's hope that people will be as

generous this year. I really hope so. I know these are

difficult times, but by our standards it is very little one has

to give to make a massive difference.

Completely. Now he is impossibly cute and spiky.

Thank you! He puts in the occasional... I am 47, yet there is

a youthful energy it is odd. That's it. We are not talking about you.

No, we are not even talking about Chris Evans, we are talking about

the British hedgehog and wildlife experts are worried that hedgehogs

could be under threat because of some problems.

Miranda has been to the Channel Islands to track down a rarer type

of hedgehog. Alderney covers three square miles

with 2,000 residents, but it has unusual wildlife.

Along with all of the bees, rabbits and birds, there are around 700

hedgehogs on the island. But these are no ordinary hedgehogs.

Over half of them are not brown, they are blonde.

Back in the 1950s, there were no hedgehogs on the islands, but local

legend has it in the 60s, three brown pairs were brought back from

the mainland as pets and escaped. James is from the Alderney Wildlife

Trust. A certain number of the hedgehogs

are blonde hedgehog. They are not albinos? No, it is a

gene that is carried by brown hedgehogs. If there are two that

carry it, then one out of four of their off spring will be blonde.

For a night-time animal it is seems a strang adaptation. There are

blonde hedgehog on the UK mainland but this are rare. Here they make

up 60% of the population that is likely to rise.

Here we don't have foxes or badgers, so they are safe from these types

of pred tores. Some locals feed them in the

gardens and head out to catch a glimpse of them at night. Some will

even join the hedgehog surveys to count the browns, versus the blonde.

I am excited as I have never seen a blonde hedgehog before. So, tonight,

it may be the night! Within ten minutes of searching, we find

something. Is it blonde? Unfortunately, for me it is a

juvenile brown one, but it is important for the survey. They need

to know if it is a male or female. It's a boy. As for us, we are back

on the search for the blonde. It is not long before we strike lucky.

Look, that is definitely a blonde hedgehog, look how white it is.

Look at that! That is cute and ridiculous all at once.

Look at that little white nose. There are no fleas on the hedgehogs.

In the UK there would be 500 fleas on it. It would be obvious.

They leave tubing on a couple of their spines so they don count the

hedgehogs twice. There we go, the first time I see a

blonde hedgehog. They are so unusual, you can see why the

islanders have taken them into their hearts. Let's hope that they

continue to thrive here on Alderney. There you go little chap.

I like the blonde little ones. It is a change! LAUGHTER If you want

it take part in the survey, it starts tomorrow. There is more

information available on the website.

And a nice change for you, Rob, was your West End debut, wasn't it?

Why did you do it? I spent four months in the West End with A

Chorus Of Disapproval. It is hard work. With Trevor Nunn. You know it

is hard work. You think you go on stage once a night but for me it

was hard. I have never done anything for that long.

But I thoroughly enjoyed it. have good reviews. Although there

are some that we cannot make head nor tail of. The Guardian saying he

unleashs a terrific riff. Is that good? They are not saying that I

broke wind! What about this one, a deliciously, bossyness about him.

And the Wales Online saying Rob Brydon appear tobs a natural at

this testing medium! In this brave new medium of theatre! It is a new

idea! Another thing you were a natural of in a testing medium was

working on the Shopping Channel. This is you.

There we are. So we thought why not give you this.

I will hold this. There we are. And now do the hard sell on the

Comic Relief noses! OK, well, our next item is this

fantastic, red nose 2013 nose. Now, let me show you. It measures

about... It is measuring, oops, the wrong end of the ruler.

It is about uninch there. For anybody watching in Scandinavia,

that is three inches across the bottom and up to the top four to

four-and-a-half inches. There are so many things to do. You can fit

it on your nose like that. And you can't put this on without

doing a little bit of Ronnie Corbett! Brilliant! There is the

klaxon. They are very comfortable, those

noses. I remember having a nosebleed from the early ones.

Back in the early days of Comic Relief, the noses were barbaric. We

think that they prompted riots, the great riots of' 8, but these are

soft.. Better to have them on than off!, Right, then, in Chronicles of

Narnia, everyone remembers the characters of the lion, the witch

and the wardrobe. The stories lts featured the man

named Mr Tumnus. I have very small feet. With a wide

bottom, I look like Mr Tumnus. The question is, what would it be

like to grow up with CS Lewis? Let's see.

People see CS Lewis on the spines of books, Clive Staples "CS" Lewis,

the great scholar, writer, but to me, he was not CS Lewis at all, he

was just Jack. He was the man who first became my friend and later my

stepfather. Later, Jack was the man that I admired and respected and

loved most in the world. My brother and I came to Oxford in 1953. I was

taken to meet CS Lewis, the man on speaking terms with high king,

Peter of Narnia and Aslan, the great lion. I expected him to

bewaring a sword and armour, but instead, when I came to the back

door, there was a balding stooping man, in shabby clothes. With

cigarette-stained fingers and teeth. He looked strange to me, but soon,

he became so much more. Jack was a fellow of English At

Oxford for almost 30 years. He would take us walking out around

the University. Because of who he was, I got lots of privileges. I

felt so chuffed that I could see him around the place and get into

the areas where no-one else could. The movie ShadowLands is a

wonderful film, slightly fictionallised of how Jack and his

wife got together. First it started off as a penmanship.

My mother had longed to go to England. While she was here, she

was going to see if she could meet CS Lewis. That is how they met. A

lot of people think that my mother was hunting Jack as a gold digger

kind of a situation. She was not. I am glad to see that the house is so

well looked after. The CS Lewis Foundation have gone to great pains

to restore it to what it would have been in the 19'50s. It is very much

similar to how it was when we lived in it. The eight acres that the

house sits in, most was sold and destroyed by the gopers but the

lake and the -- by the developers but the lake and the woods is still

as it was when we were here. Now this is where I spent a great

deal of my childhood. It is a magical place. Right now it is

hauntingly Narnia. One expects a fawn or a centaur to appear at any

moment. Many people regard Jack as sun who lacked himself in a study

with a dim light and locked himself away. He was not like that at all.

He was athletic. He loved walks in the countryside. One does not think

of Jack as being the brave type, but he fought in the First World

War, and there was a great deal of character in the man. He was an

amazing character. Being a child here had huge advantages, the

learning advantages were huge. There were great conversations

between my mother and Jack in the diningroom. They would play

Scrabble using all known languages. You only have to prove that the

world you were using existed in a book in the house and you got away

with it. They would tone it down for my benefit but there was no

hope of me ever winning. I know that Jack and my mother, in the

time before her remission, were the happiest in their lives. My mother

died when I was 14, my father committed suicide a year-and-a-half

later, Jack died a year-and-a-half after that. It was a traumatic

childhood, in a sense. Everyone I ever loved died. This whole area

holds many attachments to me, but they are no longer the heavy,

grieving morose as they used to be. I can go down to the grave and look