Volcano 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock

# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

-CHILDREN:

-Oh, come on.

-Yeah.

-GIGGLING

What's that?

Well, I'm no expert, but I think it's a caravan.

Who dumps a caravan in a school?

HE SIGHS

It's in your parking space, mate.

Where are you going to park that beast of yours now?

All right, everyone, nothing to see here.

Anybody would think you'd never seen a mysterious caravan before!

Well, go on, go.

I'm going to break the world record for eating three cream crackers

-in under a minute.

-How is that a science project?

-I could just share your one.

-You will not share MY work!

Hey! You try finishing a science project

-with twin babies screaming in your ear.

-Fine.

I'll say we worked on it together, but don't go taking all the glory.

I swear, that new science teacher doesn't like me.

I can't blame her, mate. You're not that likeable(!)

I hate the vaulting horse.

It's more like torture than PE.

Plus it doesn't even look like a horse.

And I should know - I got bitten by one on my...

-Don't want to know!

-..holiday.

Come on, move it.

I've seen a slaughterhouse cow more enthusiastic!

Sir, I have a note excusing me from PE today.

-Library duty?

-The library is in dismay.

-I have never seen books treated so disrespectfully.

-No, no, no!

Learning to vault a horse is important.

Well, what if you fall off a wall?

-How else are you going to get back on the right side?

-Problem, Mr Nunn?

This pint-sized joker thinks he can get out of PE

to reorganise the library.

Well, Chester is our new library deputy, of course.

Thank you, ma'am.

Mrs Goodman, hi. Would it be all right if we helped Chester?

Books are the lifeblood the school, and they mean so much to us.

Of course, Amber.

Oh, I love your spirit!

Are you going to let those go too?

Well, I'm going too, so whatever.

Oh!

Loving this enthusiasm.

Unbelievable!

Ah!

STOPWATCH CLICKS

Seven minutes and 43 seconds.

Seven? The record's less than a minute!

Yeah, well, you stopped for two minutes to drink a pint of water.

Anyway, thank you, er...Eli.

That was certainly...enlightening.

Er, next we have Owen Garland.

-We worked on it together, Miss. I'm Nero Johnson.

-Team effort.

OK, then.

-So, in this experiment, I intend to demonstrate...

-We... We, we...

We intend to demonstrate the expansion of the universe

-immediately following the...

-But, hey,

why bore the pants off you when we can just show you?

Owen, you may now commence the wonders of the universe.

Erm...

Uh-huh.

Erm, the... The bicarbonate of soda...

Bicarbonate of soda.

..in, in, in the balloon...

-and vinegar...

-Vinegar.

-..in the bottle create a chemical reaction...

-Chemical reaction.

..causing the balloon to expand, much as our early universe expanded.

Expanded.

No galaxies were harmed in the making of this experiment.

LAUGHTER

If it has a mauve sticker, it goes on the bottom shelf in aisle N.

If the sticker is lilac, it's aisle M.

Unless, of course, it's an atlas, in which case, it's aisle P,

next to the oversized reference texts.

Do you want me to repeat it?

-ALL: No!

-No, please stop!

I'm sure we'll get the hang of it.

Stop! What are you doing?

-What you told us to do.

-That's got a TANGERINE label.

That goes here.

Oh...

Actually, maybe we're not cut out for library work after all.

Quitting already?

As an official Elmsmere monitor, I have authority to issue detentions

if the running of this library is threatened.

OK, OK, maybe we can just start with something simpler?

Hmm! How about you move these books from this trolley to that shelf?

You got it, boss man!

I can't believe you lot have dragged me into this.

BELL RINGS

You are so spineless.

-If you won't tell him, I will.

-What? No.

Nero, I'm unhappy that

-Miss Higgins thinks the project was all your idea.

-It was well funny.

-What?

-Tell him.

-I am telling him.

Erm, Nero, have you got a moment?

-Yes, of course.

-I wanted to say, well done again on your project.

You've clearly got a gift for science.

-Well, I wouldn't go that far.

-This is no time for false modesty.

-False modesty?!

-Owen, I'm talking to Nero.

-But...

-Please don't interrupt me again.

I'm moving you into the top set.

-If anyone should be in the top set, it should be me.

-Right, detention.

No, seriously, Miss?

I like it where I am with my mates. I don't know a thing about science.

Nero, you've got a talent. Be proud of who you are.

So, what just happened?

-Crispin.

-Ah!

-What are you doing?!

-Oh, I am sorry, did I startle you?

Have you ever known me to be startled?

Um, I wondered if you could put these up around the school?

They're for the District Volcano Fair.

Roxen Wood have got a burst pipe,

-so we're going to be hosting it instead.

-Mmm, is it?

Erm...

Around the school, all right?

Ah.

Oh, by the way, have you heard about the caravan dumped

-in the middle of the playground?

-Yes, all right!

I haven't got time for all of this. I've got to put these up.

Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to a new student joining us today.

This is Nero Johnson.

MURMURING

Now...looking at Miss Baker's lesson plan,

today was the day she was going to be choosing students

to represent Elmsmere at the District Volcano Fair.

Nero, how would you like to do it?

What?!

Sorry, Miss, um....

that just slipped out.

-But that's Nero Johnson.

-GIGGLING

What does that mean?

Well, Miss Baker kind of implied that I'd be representing the school.

Yeah. Give the little people their chance, Miss.

-Why don't you two do it together?

-No offence, Miss,

but I once saw Nero trying to fit one of his friends into a locker.

Even Einstein was a little eccentric.

You're comparing HIM to Einstein?

Nero's got a real affinity for science.

You two are going to do great together.

Look, if we keep Chester sweet,

we can use the library any time we need to get out of something.

Careful!

SHE SIGHS

Oi! Quit with the shoving, book-shover!

Look, I'll hold on to this end while you put your ones back in.

Right, you'd better had and all.

Perfect(!)

Have you got a sec?

-Oh, what's up?

-I was out of order.

I stupidly assumed you were all style over substance.

With me, you get style AND substance.

Well, I'm Polly.

-Nero.

-I know.

I just never had you down as someone so into your science.

Between us, it was actually my mate's project.

I'm too smart to waste a weekend on schoolwork, so...

Too smart or too lazy?

Easy, tiger. I thought we had a bit of a bonding thing going on.

I can't be paired with someone who doesn't care, Nero.

We're supposed to be making a volcano.

Yeah, why does everyone make a volcano at those things?

You do know what a volcano is?

-Yeah, it's like an angry mountain, innit?

-Ahem...

Look, science is my thing - my actual thing.

No, seriously, why are you getting so strung up about it anyway?

Because, unlike you, I actually care about doing my best!

And I don't ever know why, and you have no idea how frustrating...

What has science ever done for anyone anyway?

Can you dance to science?

Er, no! Can you eat it?

No.

Here's a list of books you need to read.

Meet me at the Elmsbury Library at 6pm.

Do not ruin this for me.

CHILDREN: Ooh!

What's her problem?

How did we end up with more books than we started with?

I knew we couldn't be trusted.

Chester's going to do his nut when he sees this.

Sure, though I ain't scared of that floppy Pinocchio.

CHESTER CHATTERS TO HIMSELF

-We'll turn off for you here, Chester.

-Really?

-Yeah.

We're loving the whole librarian thing.

You're learning the joy of books, just as I did.

From this point on, we five shall be known as...the Book Buddies.

And let's just keep that between ourselves, shall we?

BELL RINGS

It's unbelievable.

I don't get why she likes you and not me.

She's a science teacher. I'm good at science.

Count yourself lucky.

I've got to make a volcano for that stupid science fair.

I'd have made a great volcano.

Well, why is it always volcanoes at these things anyway?

Do you think a volcano could happen here?

Mmm. How's this for a volcano?

That is beyond disgusting.

Ahem!

Oh. Oh...

Polly, wait!

You look...great.

Oh, yeah, sorry I missed the library session.

I'll make it up to you tomorrow.

You've got something on your face.

Oh.

Oh, no! That's the reading list!

-Oh, no.

-Who was she?

And why do you even want to know?

I haven't seen that look on his face since Clem left.

# Who was she, though? Not what I thought

# My ego said "I'm way too cool!"

# "She's way too stiff to be talking to me"

# So I was way off

# Cos she's clever, she's nice and she's gorgeous

# And now I'm an enormous fool! Maybe I ain't that cool

# In the waters, I swim and I'm pretty quick

# When I'm out of it, I'm slow as a walrus amid all this science jargon!

# She goes beyond the margin

# She seems cool and I seem like a halfwit!

# Imagine how I look to Polly, man

# A complete wally that's soft as trolley and

# She's like Kryptonite to my coolness

# I don't really feel cool after all this

# What an idiot - mouth full of mustard!

# I should've known he's style and no substance!

# And now, I'm paired up with a slacker

# Who only cares about things that don't matter!

# I risk losing everything because of him

# He'll hold me back There'll be no chance of winning!

# And now, my reputation's in the balance

# If I lose, they'll say I'm no good for a challenge

-# So what's cool?

-What's cool?

-That's cool!

-Not cool!

-# What's cool?

-What's cool?

-That's cool!

-That's cool!

-# What's cool?

-But why do I care what they think?

# I'm not sure that's so important! It just is!

# And pairing with Nero's a one-way ticket to Loserville!

# I'll look a fool on stage How's that going to feel?

# When the whole crowd laughs And everyone will!

# All right, I admit it She's seen through my coolness

# And now, she's got me questioning what cool is!

# I guess it's time I stopped caring about the newest clothes

# Newest creps, cool apps on the newest phones

# Put down the slingshot Pick up a good book!

# Get some substance Learn to be a good cook

# Add some salt and pepper to my brain

# Bring a whole new meaning to cooler gains!

-# So what's cool?

-What's cool?

-That's cool!

-Not cool!

-# What's cool?

-What's cool?

-That's cool!

-That's cool!

# What's cool?

# I know I'm up for the challenge!

# I've just got a find a new talent!

# Whatever that is. #

HE IMITATES ITS WHIRRING

Night, Isaac.

HE SPITS

GARGLING

Help me and I'll tell Miss Higgins you did the Big Bang project.

Where do you think you're going?

-The library.

-Not you, HIM, the book vandal.

You returned a book creased. You're on the banned list.

It was only creased, because you'd snatched it off me

like some kind of a crazed spider monkey!

Books don't grow on trees.

Oh, well, technically, yes, they do.

-They're made of paper.

-Sarcasm, Owen -

is that really the weapon you're reaching for?

As deputy library monitor, I have banned you from my library.

How tragic that you're forced to threaten me

with this undeserved authority.

How tragic for the world of bibliography that you even exist.

Causing trouble AGAIN, Owen?

That... I...

I think we know who wears the long trousers there.

I'll get the books. Meet me at break.

Morning, Chester.

-Morning!

-Darnesh thinks he knows

-where there might be a missing library book.

-He got a hot tip-off.

He's waiting for you in the playground.

Excellent work, Book Buddies.

I wish he'd stop calling us that.

Yeah.

ENGINE STARTS OUTSIDE

Bye! Thank you!

Nice caravan, that. Shame it's got to be crushed.

# How do I knuckle down?

# Attention span is up and down I've gotta get focused!

# Wanna stay focused like there is no time for the jokers

-# I got to get...

-What you gotta get?!

-# Get, I got to get...

-What you gotta get?!

-# Get, I got to get...

-What you gotta get?!

# Get it, get it, gotta get it!

# Focus! Like me check my phone first... #

Hmm, let me just check my DMs on Instagram.

# Any messages? No, it just got worse!

# I need to focus Police SWAT team!

# Nero, come out with your hands up, please?

# Put down the phone, I repeat!

# OK, OK, just let me send this tweet!

# I'm-a get a retweet Man, I'm in knee deep!

# I've gotta stay foc... Ooh, look, a peach tree!

# There's only one thing worth having

# In this world, in this world

# In this wide, wide world

# Success from the work that I put in

# If I'm focused I'm focused, I'm focused

# Yeah!

# Block off the outside world No distractions

# Imagine a life with no challenges

# No satisfaction so I work to stay focused

# Got to stay focused

# Nero can't ruin my dreams

# I bet he's outside climbing trees

# No care in the world

# I wonder what it feels like to not care at all?

# And do what you like? It must be stress-free!

# Polly, stop it! You've got to stay focused!

# Can't do bogus work like THAT joker!

# He's just hopeless! All his work's erroneous!

# I'm making an effort to learn these notes

# Read these books and memorise these quotes!

# It's so tough My mind wants to wander!

# But I gotta stay fo...fo...

# I've gotta stay fo...

# I've gotta stay focus...

# I've gotta stay...

# I... I gotta stay... #

HE YAWNS

BAG THUDS

Making good progress, I see(!)

Fam, it is so boring.

-It's not going in.

-You seem very keen to impress this Polly girl.

I just don't want her to think I'm an idiot.

You seem pretty good at memorising rap lyrics and dance moves.

-Yeah, but that's different.

-It's all information.

Try turning the volcano stuff into a rap.

OK.

When tectonic plates connect

Lava builds up and the Earth gets wrecked.

-FROM INSIDE:

-Stop! All my things are falling down!

Stop! Ow!

-Agh! Argh!

-DISHES CRASH

Agh!

Please stop. Whoa!

Stop!

Erm, hello? Yes, can I speak to Mrs Goodman, please?

Oh, hi, Helena. Yeah.

It's Crispin. ..Yeah, everything's fine.

Erm, no.

I think I might be slightly late into work today.

Are you absolutely sure you saw a bird fly off with it?

Yeah. It had it in its beak.

It lined its nest with it.

But it was a hardback book.

It was a big bird. It might be an ostrich.

Earlier, you said a fox took it.

That's right. Erm, a fox took it and the ostrich swooped down

and snatched it from the fox's mouth.

IF you find the book, I'll be in the library!

No, wait, don't. Agh! Oof!

-HE GROANS

-Don't go back there.

Why not?

I'll get...lonely?

-Eugh!

-Oh, ow!

Come back!

Come on!

Crispin, I am so sorry. It must've been terrifying.

-I could've been crushed into a cube.

-Yes.

However, it is unacceptable

that you would bring a caravan into the school.

HE SIGHS

Crispin?

It's Anastasia.

She's left me. And I've spent all the money.

I've got nothing - no home, car repossessed, no girlfriend.

Why on earth didn't you tell me this before?

Because I didn't want you to think me pathetic.

I would never think that.

Really?

Look...

you keep the caravan on school grounds

-until you are back on your feet.

-Do you mean that?

And if there is anything else I can do...

..you just let me know.

Argh!

# How utterly depressing

# My life is a shambles

# These are the confessions of a middle-aged man

# With no wife, no home no car, no cash!

# Please, just give a Bell a bone!

# Feel like an abandoned puppy on his last woof

# What's worse - I'm just made a pass at my boss!

# I'm at the bottom of the pile so the only way is up

# Pull it together, Crispin

# It's time to rise up!

# Look at what you've achieved

# You're exceptionally blessed

# With a wonderful school and you're deputy head of Elmsmere!

# You shouldn't have anything to fear

# Polish your shoes, it's high time you stepped out of here!

# No, no, no, no They can't take...

# Take that away from me

# Everything I've worked for can't be taken away!

# I'm here to stay!

# No, no, no, no They can't take...

# Take that away from me

# From me!

# It's all in the mind how I choose to feel

# Have a look in the mirror Ooh, if looks could kill!

# No mountain's too high for Crispin Bell

# To plant his own flag I shall prevail!

-# So watch out, world

-Watch out!

# Since I won't stop

# Till I climb my way back to the top! #

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

-Sorry I'm late.

-Oh!

-So, who's representing us today?

Polly and Nero.

-Nero Johnson?

-Our school science whiz.

-Oh, I see.

-SHE LAUGHS

Well, wonderful.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no!

-Po...?

-Not now, Nero. I'm going over the script.

This is a well stunk-up smell if ever I smelled one.

This is why it's actually illegal for kids under 16

-to go in a library.

-You volunteered to avoid jumping the horse.

What have you done?

Er, hello. Don't just go blaming me when your weird buttons don't work!

Whoa!

Crikey! Don't you think it's going to make stuff quite hard to find?

Our next entry comes from our very own Elmsmere.

Woohoo!

Polly Morgan and Nero Johnson.

Psst, Nero.

Nero.

I brought the stuff you wanted.

Thank you, everyone. Hi.

-Took your time.

-I'm Polly Morgan, and today...

Be careful how much you...!

I'll be talking to you about volcanoes.

-At least he didn't lob a detention at us.

-I literally stink of words.

Eugh! Don't even think about sniffing me!

You feeble slackers finished, have you?

-Ready for some actual exercise?

-We'd love to, sir,

but Chester still needs us to help with his cataloguing.

Banned, banned...

MR NUNN LAUGHS

-..banned.

-Vaulting horse, every night after school

for the next five years.

What is a volcano?

Contrary to what some think, it is not a mountain having a hissy fit.

LAUGHTER If you think a volcano

is an awesome demonstration of Mother Nature's powers,

then wait until you get a load of a supervolcano.

Ha-ha-ha!

CHILDREN LAUGH, MIXTURE HISSES

-What was that?

-Oh! You were kind of

sending them to sleep with your lame-cano jokes, so...

I'm about 0.4 of a second away from sending you to sleep.

We have to stand out, OK? HISSING CONTINUES

Like, do a bigger bang. Everyone's done a volcano, Polly.

Yeah, because it's a volcano fair.

Yeah, yeah, "volcano fair".

No, not "volcano fair".

Volcano Fair!

Oh!

HISSING AND BUBBLING

LOUD BUBBLING

LOUD GASPS

-What happened here?

-He did!

Ah, Johnson.

I might have known.

Detention.

-Polly...

-No!

Oh, well, I'll make it up to her next science lesson.

Talking of which, thanks for lending me your science stuff, Owen.

I tried to warn you not to use too much.

Did I just hear that right?

Was this somehow YOUR doing?

Well, no. Well, it was my baking soda and vinegar, but...

Detention! And I think we'll be dropping you back down a set.

What? No! No, she...

Miss, Miss, I...

-Polly!

-No!

Rats!

# Can't live with 'em

# And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

# Kick you when you're down

# But what no-one understands them

# You know what they're on about

# Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

# If you see 'em every day

# You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #