Spy Buggy Ed and Oucho's Excellent Inventions


Spy Buggy

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# We've got a television show of our own

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# Making stuff that's been designed by you lot at home

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# Building your inventions the best that we can

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# Mostly out of rubbish from the back of our van

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# We've even got a title that'll grab your attention

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# All together now! #

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BAGPIPES DRONE

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This is dreadful!

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We've got inventions to be choosing, work to do.

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Stop this! Please stop this!

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-PHONE RINGING

-Stop it!

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-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-What?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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The phone, yes, all right!

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Hang on, I'm always answering the phone.

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Why don't you do it for a change?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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I don't care if it's bagpipe practice...

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Hark! That sounds like a pigeon princess being held prisoner.

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I am coming, my pretty.

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Nelson, away!

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..that doesn't add up.

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-No, answer the phone!

-No.

-Answer it!

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-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-What do you mean it's gone?

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Right, what have you done with it?

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Have you tried eating it again?

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I've told you before!

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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-Oh.

-Oi! Give me my phone back, you lousy pigeon!

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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I'm not climbing the tree, it's high.

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Those two down there will never take you away from me.

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What if the Big Big Cheese tries to phone? We'll get in trouble! Oi!

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We need to find an invention that can help get it back,

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something to do with height.

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I think I saw something that might be able to help.

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Oh?

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Yes! Yes, this.

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It's called the Spy Buggy.

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It's from Joshua in Willesden and it throws things

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in the air so maybe we can knock it out of the tree.

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Right, let's go. To Willesden!

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This is it. Great.

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This is going to be brilliant. It's my favourite bit, the surprise.

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Joshua's in his house over there...

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Oh, it's this way? Oh, right.

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Oh, it's this way.

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Oh, it IS this way. So, it's definitely THAT house?

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It's left.

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It's definitely left?

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Right. So, it's that way, then?

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This way. Let me just have a look at that.

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Oh! Oh, no. No, no.

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I see what's wrong here. Yeah. Yeah. This is a map of Paris! Not London!

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Let's just ask directions.

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Oh. Excuse me, mate. We're trying to find the house

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-of someone called Joshua.

-I am Josh.

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-Surprise!

-Oh, dear.

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It's not a surprise, is it?

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-He knows now.

-Come this way,

-Right.

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Let's follow him, then.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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No, it's not nice here in Paris, because we're not in Paris.

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I thought we'd established that.

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Excuse me, we're supposed to be talking about the Spy Buggy here!

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Oh! Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

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-You've seen the show before?

-Yeah.

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Well, you know what to do.

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I would like to invent the Spy Buggy -

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a car which sends secret messages and has a water gun on it,

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so I can organise a secret spy party after school.

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I want to send messages to friends to tell them where the party is.

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And I want to drive my Spy Buggy to the party and then spray at anybody

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that gets too close.

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A Spy Buggy. Right. Now, what's all this about messages?

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I'd like to send messages to my friends

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in the library and the computer room.

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-And you want to launch those through the window?

-Yes.

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OK, right. And could it launch other things,

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-to knock stuff out of trees, maybe?

-Yeah.

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Excellent.

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# Ed And Oucho's Excellent Inventions. #

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We need to start building this Spy Buggy,

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I don't know where to start.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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What?

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I am not passing you that banana.

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It's not time to eat, we need inspiration.

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How are we going to build this so it can fire messages

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into Joshua's school window...Oucho?

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Oucho!

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Hey, man. I DO declare

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that is a classic example of gravity in action.

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-No, it's a banana.

-No, man, it's gravity.

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Gravity is all around us.

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It's an invisible force which causes objects to pull towards one another.

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Oh. Interesting, but no use to us.

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Hey, calm down, man. Relax.

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It is of help, because you were talking about projectiles.

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Er, no, we were talking about things flying through the air.

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Yes, man. These are called projectiles

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and gravity has a large part to play in that.

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Oh, does it? Boring!

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Listen and learn.

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Say you were to throw something up in the air.

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It would go up, and as long as nothing got in its way,

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it would fall back down to earth.

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Due to gravity?

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Yeah, man. But you have to make sure you throw it

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with the right amount of force. The harder you throw it,

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the longer it takes gravity to pull it back to the ground.

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Right. When we build the Spy Buggy, we have to apply a force

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to our object to get it in the air.

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But we have to remember that gravity will bring it back down to earth.

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What are you talking about, man?

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You were telling me about gravity, Benson. Remember?

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Ha-ha! No, man, I don't remember.

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And by the way, who are you?

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ED SIGHS

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-Maybe we should just have him with chips.

-Di.

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-Oh, this is going to be the easiest invention ever, mate.

-Di.

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We'll have this done in no time.

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Joshua can have his secret party,

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we'll get our mobile and the Big Big Cheese will be none the wiser.

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We've got to think of something that will give us enough force

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to push something into the sky.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Newspaper?

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A hamster?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Yeah, the Clumsy Twins are trying to cross the Grand Canyon

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in a circus cannon. How is that relevant to us?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Oh, that's a great idea!

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We could ask to borrow their cannon!

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That'll give us enough force for Joshua's messages

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and then we can get our phone back off that pesky pigeon.

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# Ed And Oucho's Excellent Inventions. #

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JOSHUA!

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-Hi, Ed. Hi, Oucho.

-Hi, Joshua.

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Have we got a treat for you. We've pushed the boat out here.

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-Do you want to see your Spy Buggy?

-Yes.

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Here is your Spy Buggy!

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# Da-da da-da da da-dah! #

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-Spy Buggy!

-Is that it?

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-Yeah, that's it.

-It's not even red and black.

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What, it's not red and black?

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-What's this? Red. Black.

-Why does it say twins on it?

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What? It doesn't say twins on it.

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You need to see it being tested.

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This could be dangerous, stand back. This could be dangerous.

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Oucho was saying he'd like to jump the Grand Canyon

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and he's volunteered to test your Spy Buggy.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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(No, you didn't, but I can't find anything else to fit in the hole.)

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(There's cake and bananas in it for you if you do it.)

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-Oh! Losserly.

-Yeah, I thought that would persuade you.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the amazing flying Oucho!

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Oucho, are you ready?

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Di!

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Fire!

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Aargh!

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What? Huh?

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Well, that didn't exactly go as planned.

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No, not really.

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It was far too powerful.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Yeah, we'll measure the distance that the Spy Buggy

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is hidden from the window.

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So, if we... Wait a minute.

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-What?

-When did you get back?

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Why have you got that tennis stuff?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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You've been to Wimbledon?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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The cannon did NOT fire you into centre court at Wimbledon.

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This is all sounding a little far-fetched to me.

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'Yes, it's me, Jonny Sinus, reporting to you live...'

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Not him. Who let him back on the telly?

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'..from the Wimbledon championships.

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'Earlier on today, a cactus... Yes, you heard me right, a cactus!

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'made an unusual entry into Wimbledon through the roof...!'

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What?!

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'...Unbelievable!

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Mmm-hmm.

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Sorry I doubted you there, mate.

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-Wimbledon's miles away, isn't it?

-Di.

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That circus cannon IS too strong.

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Right, come on. Let's have a think.

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Oh, I know! Jonny Sinus - he knows a lot about hitting things.

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Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah.

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We should talk to Jonny Sinus. Erm, where's the phone?

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Oh, in the bath.

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Oh, no...

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Yes, I know, I know.

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Oh, what's that over there?

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Very convenient.

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ED PANTS

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Oh, what's his number?

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I'll have to use my BBC presenting skills.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello, BBC switchboard?

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It's Ed Petrie from CBBC -

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the genius, handsome and talented presenter?

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What do you mean, who?

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Just put me through to Jonny Sinus, would you?

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Hello? Jonny Sinus.

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You'll have to be quick, I'm busy at the moment.

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-It's Ed. Ed Petrie.

-Oh!

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From the children's department! What is it?

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I need your help. We're trying to fire messages through a window.

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We tried a circus cannon, but it was too powerful. Can you help us?

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Right, Mr Petrie. Right, right.

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I used to be Britain's best tennis player, you know?

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So I know a bit about launching things with force.

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I got every serve into the back of the net.

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-Travelled the world, you know.

-Right.

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You need to know about trajectories and speed.

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Trajectories...

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Imagine throwing a tennis ball through the air.

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The path it takes is called the trajectory.

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The trajectory of any object will always be curved,

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as gravity is pulling it down to earth.

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Oh, right.

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But what if something's going too far?

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You need to give it less force.

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The more force you give your projectile,

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the faster it will go.

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The faster something goes,

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the more distance it will travel

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before it falls to the ground.

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-Projectiles, we've heard of them.

-If you don't want your projectile

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or message to go very far, give it less force.

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The circus cannon wasn't right. You need something like my MASSIVE arm.

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Nothing beats the precision and grace of my massive arm.

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Right, but you're in Wimbledon and we need to build this Spy Buggy now.

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Oh. Oh, right, Mr Petrie.

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Oh, well, in that case, you need a force-testing machine

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to test how much force you need to send your messages, Mr Petrie.

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Oh, right. Have you got one?

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Eh, no. But I have got my MASSIVE arm, Mr Petrie. It's really big!

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Eh, yeah, right, thanks. Bye.

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Right, guys, Jonny Sinus has offered us the use of

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his massive arm for your Spy Buggy.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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No, it's not brilliant,

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because although it is a VERY kind offer,

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it's not exactly practical, is it?

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So, what we need is a force-testing machine

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to measure the force needed to deliver Joshua's messages.

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But first we need to measure the distance to the school window.

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Yes. Joshua'll be able to deliver his messages

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and we'll knock that phone out of that tree and away from that pigeon.

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We need to go to your school and do some measuring.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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You're going to sort out the force-testing machine?

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So let me get this straight.

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I'm going to leave ordering important machinery to a pot plant?

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Sounds good to me.

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Yeah, you're right. Let's go!

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OK, Joshua, Oucho's sorted us out with a tennis-ball launcher.

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Where did you get this from?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Oh, from Wimbledon.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Oh, from Sue Barker?

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Oh, she's nice, isn't she?

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Oh, she IS nice.

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She is nice! She's a nice lady. Nice. So.

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We've measured how far you're going to be

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from your friends in the school.

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So, X marks the spots where your friends are

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and we are going to pretend to be the Spy Buggy.

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Now, this force-testing machine will apply force to a projectile

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in there, so we can work out how much force we need.

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Unfortunately, we haven't anything to put your messages in.

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I've searched high and low.

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So, for the time being, we're going to use THESE...bags of jam.

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I'm sure we'll find something else,

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making sure it's the same weight. So catch these in that bowl!

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There's a few holes in it, but it'll be fine.

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-OK, let's try ten units of force?

-Di.

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Oh, it went too far!

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Right, ten's way too much.

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So, let's try one. One unit of force.

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I don't think that's enough. What do you reckon? Five?

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Five. Let's go for five.

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Fire! Pretty good. Pretty good.

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Right, now we know the amount of force we need

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to deliver your messages. Let's build this thing!

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It's a good job there's a scrap yard down the road.

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-These engine parts are the right colour.

-Yeah.

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-You wanted it to be black and red, didn't you?

-Yeah.

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We've got that set at the right force.

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This is all coming together, my friend.

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But there's just one thing.

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-Yeah?

-You see the water pistol?

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Where is it? I need it to spray everybody who comes near.

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Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know about that. So, I was thinking

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we could use this. I use it to annoy Oucho.

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Have a look at this.

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OUCHO SQUEALS

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It's the gift that keeps on giving!

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Have you found anything to put the messages in yet?

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Yes, I've very nearly got that sorted.

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Yes, I have. It is pretty much done.

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It's all locked down. All right, cheers, mate. Thanks.

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Argh!

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Messages, messages...

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Ooh, cake!

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Buckaw! Buckaw!

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-Joshua! Joshua, look what I found. Tennis balls.

-OK.

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We could cut these open and put your messages inside.

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Need to paint them red and black.

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Red and black tennis balls it is.

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What are these messages going to say?

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They're going to say when and where the party will be.

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Oh, great. Well, we're always up for a party, aren't we?

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Right, let's get this loaded up and then we can test it.

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So just make sure that goes all the way down.

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Joshua, launch the ball!

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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What? No! We knew how much force we needed.

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That should have gone further. You don't love me, I'm not Dolly Parton.

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-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-I haven't got a cowboy hat on.

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Right, we have to give this a serious rethink.

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This calls for tea and cake, and lots of it.

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-Back to the van!

-Back to the van!

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Back to the van! Back to the van!

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Back to the van!

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No, that isn't better.

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We've still got no idea what's wrong. We must be missing something.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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I'm not asking Dr Destruction.

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He's not the loveliest scientist in world.

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-He's evil, and I'm not ringing him.

-Oh, go on, Ed, he IS a scientist.

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An evil scientist!

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He'll take your Spy Buggy and turn it into a weapon of destruction.

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-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-Oh, go on.

-He's not lovely!

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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The Big Big Cheese does not think he's lovely.

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Oh, the Big Big Cheese.

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We have to get that phone back in case he's trying to ring us.

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All right, for the sake of getting the sack,

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I'll ring an evil scientist.

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I bet Richard Hammond doesn't have these problems.

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PHONE RINGS

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Is that Dr Destruction?

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Destruction residence, evil do-monger and genius

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scientist Dr Destruction speaking, master of all that can be destroyed!

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-EVIL CACKLE

-Why does he have to laugh so loudly?

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It's Ed Petrie here. I need some help.

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Need help, do you? Help doing what, causing right, chaos and plague?

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No. No. Look, we're building a Spy Buggy, and we need to

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launch messages through a window.

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The Spy Buggy of doom and destruction?

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CACKLES

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No, no, it's just a Spy Buggy.

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-Stop laughing like that and listen.

-Sorry.

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CACKLES

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-Oops. Sorry.

-Look, look, the messages keep going different

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distances, even though we're using the same force each time.

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Ah, sounds like you need knowledge of the angle

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-of trajectory.

-Yes. Yes, perhaps we do, but

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I don't have a clue what that is.

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The distance your message travels is not only affected by its speed

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but also the angle you launch it at.

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Imagine you had two deadly laser beams of doom

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and fired them from the same spot but you rotated one away from the other.

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The space between them is called the angle.

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This angle is measured in degrees.

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But what does that mean for the Spy Buggy?

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Well, when throwing things, you always have gravity to contend with,

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which is always pulling everything to the ground.

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If you launch your messages at a high angle, although they will go up high,

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they will not go forward very fast.

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That means they will not go very far before they are pulled to the ground.

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But if you fire your messages at a low angle,

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they will not go very far either.

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Because although they are going forwards faster, they do not go

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very high, so they will hit the ground very quickly, and that is

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no use when one is planning destruction!

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CACKLES

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I said, stop laughing!

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Oh. Sorry.

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You have to find an angle which will allow your messages to go fast enough

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forwards and high enough to hit their target and destroy the world!

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Right, but how do we know what the angle is?

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Ah! Well, that's easy. You need an inclinometer.

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-A pink long metre?

-Inclinometer.

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-An ink thermometer?

-An inclinometer of evil, doom, destruction and chaos!

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Oh, an inclinometer, got you. What's that?

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-It's an angle-testing machine.

-Ah, hang on, hang on.

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We've had one testing machine in this programme.

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We only do one test each show.

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If you want to make this Spy Buggy of doom and destruction and take over

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the world, you need to know the right force and angle,

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so you need another testing machine, an angle-testing machine.

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Right. OK, then.

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I don't suppose you've got an inclinometer, have you?

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Yes, I have the angle-testing machine and the inclinometer

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of death and destruction!

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Right. Right.

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-Can I borrow it?

-If it will help you build a Spy Buggy

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of doom and destruction, then it will be my pleasure to lend it to you!

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CACKLES

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Great. Great.

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Erm, thank you!

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OK, Josh, here we are again.

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Now, Dr Destruction has lent me this inclinometer

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and angle-testing machine to find

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the right angle to deliver your messages.

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These fake windows are the same distance and height

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as the windows at your school.

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-Yes.

-Now, unfortunately,

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I haven't painted those message balls.

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I've been so absent-minded! So instead, I'm firing this.

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They're balloons of custard.

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-So, are you ready?

-Yep.

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Right, let's find the angle we need.

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Fire!

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Whoa!

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I tried to get that in the computer room window, but it was too low.

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Let's crank this up a bit.

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At a slightly higher angle this time.

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Fire!

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Yes! It went through! Yes!

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It's 49.7 degrees, that one. Let's move on to the library window now.

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Here we go!

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Oh, nearly. That was too low. Let's try a higher angle.

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Are you ready?

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-Yep.

-Fire!

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Yes! Library window! It went through! Yes!

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54.7 degrees, it is.

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-We've got all the angles we need. You know what we can do now?

-Yeah.

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BOTH: GET BUILDING!

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# This week's inventor was Josh from Willesden

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# With a car which launches messages and has a water gun

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# We needed it to help get our phone back, you see, cos Nelson

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# Had nicked it and was sat in a tree

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# Benson had some information that was worthwhile about

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# Applying enough force when throwing a projectile

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# Gravity will always bring it back down, of course, that's how gravity

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# Rolls, it's the invisible force

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# I said how about the Clumsy Twins' cannon, for instance?

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# Tested it, and Oucho set off into the distance.

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# Ours is fairly monstrous This was a minus

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# He travelled too far, so I called Johnny Sinus

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# Trajectory, the path an object takes through the air is curved

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# Trajectory

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# We got a tennis-ball firing machine and observed

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# Measure the distance so we knew how far

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# Worked out the force by gunging Joshua

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# It didn't work, what were we forgetting?

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# The balls were different distances, despite the same settings

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# Dr D had some advice that's hard to digest

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# Break with tradition, try another test

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# The distance something travels is not just down to speed

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# The angle of trajectory is what you need

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CLAPPING

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# Trajectory, the inclinometer really cut the mustard

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# Trajectory, so we fired balloons that were filled with custard

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# Excellent inventions. #

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Well, Joshua, here we are at your school

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with your completed Spy Buggy.

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To be honest, I'm quite surprised.

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What?! What do you mean? We haven't let anyone down yet.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Apart from that one time.

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But they'll never show that on TV.

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Right, Joshua asked us to make him a Spy Buggy so that he could drive

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to school and deliver secret messages to his friends.

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-Shall we show everyone at home?

-Yep.

-Here it is!

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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No, that's not it. No, you know that's not it, you helped build it.

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No, no, no, here it is!

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Pretty cool. Now, Joshua, quick checklist.

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Have you got the messages loaded up in those message balls?

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-Check.

-Wonder if he's ever heard of emails.

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Do you know the angle to set the message launcher to deliver

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the messages to your friends in the library and the computer room?

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-Check.

-And do you know the distance?

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-Check.

-That's everything checked.

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-Right, we've got a party to organise.

-Check!

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-Yes, check that.

-Check.

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Yes, everything's checked.

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Get those balls airborne. Go!

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"Top secret: secret spy party message.

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-"Please attend. Time..."

-"..after the school bell rings, OK?

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-"By the big tyre."

-"Once read,

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"destroy all evidence of this message."

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How did it go, Joshua?

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-Great.

-Did you deliver them all?

-Yep.

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What time are your friends getting here?

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They should get here when the school bell rings.

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BELL RINGS

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Delicious!

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-Hey, guys, how's it going?

-Di!

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-Great.

-Joshua, we were just wondering, could we borrow

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-your invention for an hour or two?

-Yeah.

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-Losserly.

-We can get our phone back.

-Di!

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-Hey, you!

-Oh, I think there is a bit you haven't tested out yet.

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Quick, quick, guys, guys, over here.

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-Over here.

-Who said you could have a party here?

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Aargh!

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THEY LAUGH

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-Right, we better get the Spy Buggy and get out of here.

-Di!

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PHONE CHATTER

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What? What's that? What?

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What's happened to your sweet, sweet coos of love?

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Hey, go on, get out of here.

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Oh, the phone!

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Unbelievable! It fell down out of the tree after all that.

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What a relief. Hello?

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Oh, hello, boss.

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Yeah, I know we haven't been answering the phone.

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Yeah, we've had a few problems, but we did build a cracking invention.

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Yeah, well, I'll tell you about it later. Got to go.

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In a bit of a hurry. OK, love you!

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I mean...bye.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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-Yeah, I suppose I did handle her quite well there, yeah.

-Di.

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Well, I think women respect this voice.

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It's the voice of authority, of dignity, the voice of a true...

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British gentleman.

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PIGEON COOS

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Yeah?

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Yeah, let's go, yeah.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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I know I smell of pigeon poo.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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No, I don't think women like that, either.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Yeah, I feel like a bit of a fool.

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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Yes, I know I've got pigeon poo on me!

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I think we've established that!

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OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

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