Squeaky Clean Little Roy


Squeaky Clean

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# Hey, everybody Won't you come on in?

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# I'm Little Roy and this is Finn

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# We live together and we sure are glad

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# To have a big sister, Becky And my mam and dad

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# I'm Little Roy

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# I'm Little Roy

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# Sometimes a cartoon kid can make mistakes

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# Like a runaway train without any brakes

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# When I'm in a pickle or a tricky situation

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# I love to use my big imagination

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# Where I can be Wonder Roy

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# With my sidekick, Finn

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# Battling super villains and we always win

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-# Little Roy

-He's Little Roy

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-# I'm Little Roy

-He's Little Roy

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-# I'm Little Roy

-He's Little Roy

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-# I'm Little Roy

-He's Little Roy.

-#

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THEY LAUGH

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-MAURA SIGHS

-Ooh!

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Hey, everybody, we've been shopping

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and look what Mam's got me.

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Neeyow! Chomp, chomp, chomp!

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Roy.

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Sorry, Mam. Squirty shark coming through.

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Chomp, chomp, chomp!

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That is a bath toy, Roy, not a hall toy.

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Now put it away and help bring the shopping through.

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ARMS CREAK

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ARMS TWANG Oof!

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-Oh.

-MAURA LAUGHS

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Taking up yoga, Roy?

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-Hiya, Mam.

-Hiya, love.

-Kitchen?

-Yeah.

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How is she doing that?

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-MAURA CHUCKLES

-You can bring the loo rolls. Hm?

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How's the homework coming on?

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Becky's doing great but I'm getting an F.

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-We can't make head nor tail of this.

-Ah, that's easy, Bill.

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Is it?

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Yeah, you just borrow the three.

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What three?

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Do you want to change places?

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I'll help with the homework, you look after the shopping.

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-Ooh, yes, please!

-No, thanks.

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-Are you sure?

-Yeah, I'm positive.

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-All I need is a fresh cup of tea to help with the concentration.

-OK.

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Here, show me that, will you?

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Where's the three?

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Look what Mam got me, Dad. Chomp!

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-Oh, nice!

-BILL CHUCKLES

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You know what you should call him? Feargal.

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Maura. Maura - Feargal SHARKEY.

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-Right.

-HE LAUGHS

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Nope, me neither.

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You won't have heard of him. He's an old singer.

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-Your old dad used to like him.

-Hey, less of the "old".

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Can an old man do this?

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# I'm Feargal Sharkey, yeah, yeah

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-# Look at my hair. #

-ROY GIGGLES

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-He was out a million years ago.

-Are you a million years old?

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No, I'm not. Your mother is trying to be funny.

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-Mam IS funny.

-Yeah, funnier than me?

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Mm-hm.

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Roy?

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I think you're both funny.

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Yeah, but who's funnier?

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Er, Bill?

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(It's me, isn't it?)

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Why not stick to getting the shopping in?

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-Maybe I'm too old to help with the shopping.

-Oh, really?

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Yeah, all right. All right, love.

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Sorry, so.

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Say hi to Feargal, Becky.

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He eats homework.

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-Chomp, chomp, chomp!

-Roy!

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Be careful, love.

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Thanks, Roy, you're a great help(!)

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ROY YAWNS

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Well, that's me done. I'm off to bed.

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Er, it isn't even lunchtime.

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I thought I'd get an early night, have my bath and...

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-You hate baths.

-Yeah, you do anything to get out of them.

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No, I don't. Well...

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-Roy, come on, quick.

-Watch out!

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OK, maybe a bit, but I changed my mind.

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You're always saying baths are good for me, Mam.

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-I listen to you.

-Oh! Well, now I know he's ill.

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Ah! Send for the doctor.

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Mam, the sooner I get to my bath, the sooner I can play with Feargal.

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-Oh, suddenly it becomes clear.

-Mm-hm. No way, Jose.

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The bath and Mr Feargal Sharkey can wait till later.

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You can help lay the table for lunch.

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-Can Feargal have a place, too?

-Sure. What do sharks eat for lunch?

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-Whatever they want, Dad.

-Oh!

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Whatever they want! Chomp, chomp, chomp!

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Oh! We're going to need a bigger lunch bowl!

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HE WHISTLES

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Argh!

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Roy, what are you doing?

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Playing with Feargal.

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Save it for-for the bath.

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Fine. I'll go right now.

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Er...no, nice try. But, er...no.

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BILL CHUCKLES

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No, it's B, B.

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Same as me. Not B.

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Is it bath time yet?

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-ALL:

-Roy, move!

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Move!

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Oh!

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-IN A TERRIBLE ITALIAN ACCENT:

-Ooh, Maura, this smells magic.

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-HE CHUCKLES

-Mmm!

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NOW is it bath time?

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Soon, Roy, once you've finished your dinner.

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HE SLURPS

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Right, bath time!

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There. Perfect for cartoon little boys and plastic squirty sharks.

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Feargal, meet Orla the octopus,

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Plucky Ducky and Mr Timbers the pirate ship.

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-AS MR TIMBERS:

-Arr! Good to know you, Feargal. Arr, me hearties.

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Shark attack!

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Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp!

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Oh, shiver me timbers! Oh, we're done for!

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A good pirate never goes down without her ship. So long, Ro-o-oy!

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-Oh!

-SHE COUGHS

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Incoming.

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-Roy!

-It was Feargal.

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Oh, look at the time. Come on, you.

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Oh, Mam, I can't get out yet because baths are good for me, right?

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-SHE SCOFFS

-It doesn't work like that.

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Come on now. Super soft towel waiting just for you.

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No! We're staying here all night.

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Come on.

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Roy.

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BECKY YAWNS

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Oh, I know how you feel. Right, go on, get your bath. Good girl.

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Oh.

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Oh...shouldn't have had that 17th cup.

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Hoo! Oh!

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Come in.

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-Are you still in here?

-He won't get out.

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Now, Roy, come on, let your sister have the bath.

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What's this? Bath-ageddon?

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-A little privacy here.

-Roy won't get out.

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Yeah, well, I need you all out sharpish because I need to, er...

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HE WHISTLES

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You'll just have to hold it in, Dad.

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I'm not getting out and you can't make me!

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Challenge accepted.

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Oh, you little beauty.

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# Oh, Ro-o-o-o-oy!

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# Who wants a lovely bedtime mug of cocoa? #

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Mmm!

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Me! Me! I do!

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Me too. Can I have one?

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-No, love. It's just to get Roy out of the bath.

-Nice try, Dad.

-Bill...

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Nothing's going to get me out of this bath.

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We'll see about that.

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Right.

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-Ah!

-PLUG GURGLES

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I'm a genius.

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I thought you needed the loo, Dad.

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Yeah, I do.

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Oh! Oh!

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You may as well get out, Roy.

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There's no point sitting in an empty bath.

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It all depends where I sit.

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GURGLING STOPS

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There, I'm not going out, and neither is the water.

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Fine. Stay in there forever if you want to,

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but don't come running to me when you turn into a prune.

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No! A prune? Not a prune!

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Wait, what's a prune? Is it some sort of sea monster?

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That would be cool.

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No, it's a shrivelled, wrinkly, dried-up little fruit.

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Eurgh! No, thanks. Can I be a banana instead?

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No, you'll be a prune and that's that.

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But I don't want to be a prune, Mam.

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It's too late.

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I'm still enjoying my bath.

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Now I'm not. Help me out, Mam.

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OK. Move round, Becky. Now...

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OK, come on, are you ready?

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-OK.

-MAURA STRAINS

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Go on, go on.

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Watch your back.

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ARMS CREAK

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It's no use. My bottom's stuck in the plughole!

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What would Wonder Roy do?

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ROY GIGGLES

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Oh, Wonder Roy, we've got an emergency.

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Nighty-Knight has stolen the book of Toonville Regulations. Look!

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Rule 17B,

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any discussion of these procedures shall be carried out

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in keeping with the existing guidelines.

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SHE YAWNS AND SNORES

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-HE YAWNS

-It's a disaster.

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Half the town is asleep.

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But sleep is good for you.

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Surely getting LOTS of sleep is even better.

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Commissioner, why is...?

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Oh. COMMISSIONER SNORES

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We've got to stop him.

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-BOTH:

-Oof!

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Uh-oh! We super soaked our super capes.

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They're too wet for flying.

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But I've got a Wonder Idea!

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-FINN SIGHS

-Walking. Not your best idea ever.

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Here's one. Two ice creams, please.

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-Coming right up.

-ROY SLURPS

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Further more, all paperclips securing documents must...

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VENDOR YAWNS

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MUFFLED: OK. Too much sleep IS a problem.

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Oh, not for me. With everyone off to Dreamland, I can do what I like.

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Yah!

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..must be plain metal and not exceed five centimetres in length.

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FINN SNORES

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Circumference of a lamppost must not exceed...

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ROY STRAINS

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If I could just... Agh!

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NIGHTY-KNIGHT DRONES ON

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Urgh!

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He's too heavy!

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Unless... PING!

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HE STRAINS Wakey-wakey, Finn.

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We need to combine our strength.

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Eh?

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Ah!

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NIGHTY-KNIGHT DRONES ON

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THEY BOTH STRAIN

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Huh?

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Time out, Nighty-Knight.

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You need a little rest.

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Or should I say "rust"?

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-No!

-It's working!

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CLANK!

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Another amazing victory for Wonder Roy.

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Too much of a good thing can be bad for you, even sleep.

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Apart from maybe ice cream on a hot day. Right, Nighty-Knight?

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NIGHTY-KNIGHT GRUMBLES

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THEY ALL LAUGH

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-Go on, love.

-OK.

-Mind your back, mind your back.

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When Wonder Roy was stuck, he and Finn combined their strength.

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Dad, Becky, it'll take all of us to get me out of here!

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-Good thinking. Come on.

-Now is not a good time to be straining!

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-Bill!

-OK.

-OK. Here we go.

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Three, two, one!

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POP!

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MAURA PANTS

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Thanks, Mam. And Feargal says thanks, too.

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OK.

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Right.

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Thanks, all of you.

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Too much of a good thing can be bad for you, even a bath.

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Why don't we try bedtime instead?

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Yes, please.

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And once I'm in bed, I am never, ever, ever getting out of it again.

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Got ya!

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THEY ALL LAUGH

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Hilarious(!) Right, out.

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You, out. You, out.

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-We're going.

-Out!

-We're going.

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Boop-boop-boop! Reverse it up. Out, out, out, out.

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Quick, quick, quick.

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Ah, at last!

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Now, you're as snug as a bug in a...

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ROY SNORES

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-Oh.

-SHE CHUCKLES

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Night, Roy.

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Mwah!

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Oh! Night, Feargal.

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Now, here you go.

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Sleep tight, Feargal. And Finn.

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