Brazil Remotely Funny

TRANSLATION:

Oh, hi! Welcome to Remotely Funny!

Hi, everyone. I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

You can play if you're in your PJs,

you can play if you're grounded,

you can even play if someone's stolen all your clothes

off the washing line.

Today, I'm in Brazil.

But if I'm here in Brazil,

where are my daring Remotely Funny contestants?

First up, it's Zayd.

-Hello, Zayd! Really nice to meet you.

-Hello.

Zayd is 13 and from Essex.

He loves cricket and doing the robot dance move.

He also loves football and his claim to fame is that he once met Ronaldo.

Who is there with you today?

My mum, my dad and my brother.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you all.

Zayd, I hear you are sports mad. What do you play?

I play cricket and football one week,

basketball during school days,

tennis, table tennis,

mini golf.

Sounds like you're a skilful young lad. I like that.

Zayd's dad - so I heard you're big Spurs fans?

We are, yes. The whole family, big, big Spurs fans.

OK. Well, let's get pumped for this challenge.

Give me a chant! I want to hear some passion!

-ALL:

-We've got Dele Alli!

You really put some passion behind that - I love that!

Really nice to meet you people.

It is time to meet Erin.

Zayd, say hello to Erin and her family.

-Hello, Erin.

-Hi!

-Hi!

Erin is 12 and from Liverpool.

She loves stargazing and acting.

If she had a superpower, it would be super-friendliness.

Erin once dipped a pizza in a chocolate fountain,

but it didn't taste very nice.

-Who are you with?

-Me mum, me sister and me dad.

I LOVE your Liverpudlian accent, it's amazing.

And you like acting, singing and dancing.

What is your favourite of all those three, and why?

I like musical theatre, so I like them all,

but if I had to pick, I would like acting.

Erin's parents -

tell me about the time you went all out to embarrass Erin.

Dancing in the living room with her friends there,

and she was very, very embarrassed.

-Oh, really?

-If you need us to show you, we'll show you.

-No, you won't.

-We don't mind.

Come on, we need to see this!

-Give me some.

-Come on.

-Yes!

-# La-la-la-la-la...! #

-Yes!

I love this!

Finally, connecting to...Ewan!

Hello! Everyone say hello to Ewan!

-Hi, Ewan!

-Hi!

-Hello, Ewan.

Ewan is 12 and from Nottinghamshire.

He likes Greek mythology and eating cheese and honey sandwiches.

If Ewan was Prime Minister, he would make it compulsory

for everyone to want to watch The Hunger Games.

Who are you with today?

-I am with my mum...

-Hello.

-..my sister Iona and my dad.

Well, nice to meet you all.

-Ewan - I heard you have your own vlog.

-Yes.

Oh, that is very interesting.

Can you introduce me to your family like you're doing on a vlog video?

Hi, guys, it's me, Ewan...

and today I'm here with Iona, my mum and my dad.

I'm very impressed. Well done, Ewan.

Ewan's mum - you're a cool mum, you run a festival.

How does it compare to Glastonbury?

Much better, by a million miles.

OK, well, call me if you need a headliner,

cos I'm usually available.

SHE SINGS OPERATICALLY

Just to keep in mind!

Well, everyone, let's get this party started!

I'm in the mood for a carnival! Diddle-diddle-ding!

Everyone shout Brazil nuts!

ALL: Brazil nuts!

SHE BLOWS WHISTLE Ooh...

That was loud.

Thank you, families, you've been epic.

But please now leave the room.

-Zayd, Erin, Ewan, are you alone now, no adults?

-Yes.

Great. OK, players, let me tell you about the prize money can't buy.

Firstly, you get the title Remotely Funny Champion.

And secondly, a rarer than rare Remotely Funny hoodie.

This prize comes with a 100% hoodie guarantee.

If it's not a hoodie, we'll give you your money back -

even though you didn't pay for it.

Order yours today by winning this game.

Zayd, Erin and Ewan...

show me those game faces!

Argh!

Raargh!

Aagh!

Argh!

Yes!

This is Bedroom Bonanza.

The rules are simple, though.

I name something, you have to collect it.

The first one back with the item wins three of my sweet samojis.

Item number one.

Go get me...

something that begins with the letter S.

Go! Go get me something that begins with the letter S!

You guys were very quick.

Ewan, you were back first. What is that?

It's a stegosaurus.

Zayd, what do you have there?

Scissors.

OK! What are you going to do with those?

Cut paper.

-As long as you're safe.

-Yep.

Erin, what do you have there?

A sock.

Give me a whiff, give me a whiff of that.

SAARA SNIFFS Mm! I can smell cheese!

I love cheese!

So, Ewan, you get three samojis for being back first.

Erin, you get one extra samoji because I like cheese.

-Woo!

-Great!

Is everyone ready for item number two?

-Yes.

-Yes.

OK, I want...

..someone else's pyjamas.

Go! Go get someone else's pyjamas!

They can't be your own! They can't be... Oh!

Erin, are those your pyjamas?

No, they're my sister's.

Oh, really? Is that your sister's room?

-We share a room.

-Oh, wow!

Zayd, whose pyjamas are those?

My brother's.

OK, what about you, Ewan, what do you have there?

My sister's!

Is the colour blue and white?

Yes, blue and white stripes.

Those are the colours of the Finnish flag,

and I'm from Finland, so I can respect that.

-Yeah!

-However, Erin was back first,

so, Erin, you get three samojis!

Woo!

Come on, Zayd, you can do this!

-Yeah.

-I trust you on this third one, OK?

Item number three -

get me something that you'd put in a time capsule

and bury in the ground.

Oh... OK.

-What is that? Is that an inhaler?

-Yes.

Why would you bury it in the ground?

Because when it's finished, you can't burn it or pop it.

-Ewan, what do you have there?

-A bag I made.

OK, why would you put that in a time capsule and bury it in the ground?

Because it's very special because I made it myself,

and it contains everything from my drama class.

OK, why would anyone in the future want to have

anything you had in drama class?

Because it was mine and I'm going to be very famous some day.

OK. We'll remember this.

Erin, what do you have?

Hand cream.

OK, why would you want to put hand cream in a time capsule

and bury it in the ground for someone else to find?

Because it makes your hands nice.

"It makes your hands nice." - Erin.

I like that!

Zayd, you were back first,

so that means three samojis for you!

-Yay!

-Yes!

-Erin...

-Yes.

Do you want to come closer to me?

For an extra samoji,

who was your mum talking about when she said this?

"He snores so loud he sometimes wakes himself up."

-My dad.

-Yes!

You get a bonus samoji for that!

-How bad is your dad's snoring?

-Really, really loud.

You can hear it from my room.

Can you do me an impression?

SHE SNORES LOUDLY

OK, that's that for that game!

Who has had the most samoji success?

Ewan and Zayd both have three.

And Erin leads, with five samojis.

OK, if you need a nervous wee, you're in luck -

it's Toilet Takedown time!

Everyone to the toilet!

-I'm in the bathroom.

-Awesome! We are there!

Ewan, I see you're there, too. That is great, that makes me happy.

Four more games to go, and the next one takes place on the loo.

Is everyone sat ready to do the business?

I mean, play the game. Do not relieve yourselves.

Keep your pants on! Right, go get a pen!

I need a pen for this game!

There we go. Here comes the question.

I want you to write your answers on the loo roll.

Angel Falls in Venezuela is the highest waterfall in the world,

but how tall is it in metres?

Write your answers on the toilet paper.

I'll give you a clue - it's tall!

Now, come to the screen and hold your answers up.

Zayd, what does yours say?

-30,000.

-Interesting.

What about you, Ewan?

20,000.

What about Erin?

1,000.

Well, the correct answer is...

979 metres.

-So, Erin, you get three samojis!

-Woo!

Woo!

You went all the way - I like you!

Let's watch some LooTube video.

# Cos all of me

# Loves all of you

# Love your curves and all your edges

# All your perfect imperfections

# Give your all to me

# I'll give my all... #

Aw! So cute!

But someone clearly has too much time on their hands.

OK, I'm going to ask you a question about the video,

and the first one to flush the loo gets to answer.

For an extra samoji, tell me what the hamsters were eating

on their romantic dinner date.

TOILETS FLUSH

Ewan, what was it?

-Spaghetti and meatballs.

-Yes!

You get an extra samoji for that.

Woo!

Congratulations.

Remember, peeps, hamsters can't eat real meatballs.

Toilet Takedown complete.

-Zayd has three.

-Yay!

Ewan has four.

Erin is still in the lead, with eight samojis!

Wash your hands, you grubby creatures.

We're heading to the kitchen for Food Flash!

Everyone to the kitchen!

Grab your laptops, take me to the kitchen!

I don't have all day and I want to eat!

Great job! Ewan, are we there yet?

No. We're still upstairs.

Well, don't take your sweet time, cos I'm hungry!

Nearly there, nearly there!

Third game ahoy! Let's go!

Back in Finland, where I'm from,

food in all forms is celebrated.

So, for this game, I'm going to show you a Food Flash picture

of one of my favourite Finnish dishes,

and you have 45 seconds to recreate the dish.

Samojis for the player who makes their dish

look as close to the picture as possible.

Nothing is more revered in Finnish kitchens

than ruskeakastike!

"Gravy" to you guys.

Show me you've got a bottle.

I want everyone to worship it!

Bow down to the bottle!

There you go!

Now, everyone repeat after me -

I love you, ruskeakastike!

ALL: I love you... THEY STUMBLE OVER WORD

Today's dish is called paha kakku,

and here it is.

Our players will need to construct a traditional Finnish longboat

by first inverting a loving shop-bought taco

before piping it with a rich squeezy icing.

On top of this, they must then construct

a complex lattice chiffonade of cheese fingers

and crunchy chocolate fingers,

served on a billowing bed of free-range marshmallows

before being dressed with a healthy slug of ruskeakastike,

the famous Finnish gravy.

Start cooking!

You're a top chef.

And shout orders at your mum, dad and brothers!

Come on, Erin's mum, go right in!

Pour that...whatever you're pouring on the plate! Go in!

Come on!

Has to look exactly like the picture!

I don't take this lightly, everyone!

Hurry up!

Aw, I've just cracked it!

-Come on, quick, quick, quick!

-Open it!

What have you got to do? What have you got to do?

Four, three, two, one...

Stop cooking! KLAXON SOUNDS

Let's take a look at your finished dishes.

Show it to the camera.

Let me see what you've got there.

Zayd, describe your plate for me.

Marshmallows and a taco on top.

-ZAYD'S DAD:

-And melted chocolate on my hands!

Beautiful! Erin, what is that?

-I don't really know!

-It looks beautiful to me.

-Ewan?

-Well, it's a piece of modern art food.

-It's beautiful.

-It is beautiful.

Zayd, you forgot my Finnish gravy!

Time to put it on there right now!

Erin, your dish looks just like the picture

so you get three samojis for that!

Congratulations, Erin.

Woo!

Come on, get your parents to try it.

They have to taste it and enjoy it.

Mmm.

They're doing great. They love it.

-Everyone gets a samoji!

-Woo!

I told you it would be delicious.

-Zayd...

-Yeah.

Come here, my son. Come closer.

I'm feeling super generous.

For an extra samoji,

can you tell me what your dad's favourite pie filling is?

-Cheese and onion.

-Yes!

You get an extra samoji for that.

Good job, Zayd. There we go.

Ewan and Zayd both have five,

and Erin is still ahead of the game with 12 samojis.

I'm in the party mood.

SHE YELLS

Let's go play Remotely Funny Families.

Take me to the living room, everyone.

Only two more samoji-winning chances.

How do you feel about being in the lead, Erin?

Woo!

Zayd, Erin and Ewan, prepare for the biggest,

most embarrassing moment of your lives.

Mums and dads, make sure you have plenty of room.

Check that your pedometers are set to zero.

Three samojis for the highest number on the pedometer.

But extra ones are up for grabs for hip action.

Parents, get ready for carnival time.

Watch this.

MUSIC: Samba Do Brasil by Bellini

Oh! So, the dance of Brazil is the samba -

not to be confused with Zumba,

the official dance of local church halls.

Put the pedometers on.

Put them on, put them on your hips.

-Is everyone ready?

-Ready!

-Yeah!

Shake it! Shake it, baby! Shake it!

It is time to dance.

Get those numbers up on those pedometers.

OK, Erin's dad, come on, give me that hip action,

give me that foot action.

Zayd's dad is actually really feeling this

and that makes me happy.

OK, both of Ewan's parents are doing it.

I love this!

Really, really embarrassing.

KLAXON SOUNDS Time's up. Stop dancing.

Please, put your children out of this misery.

OK, well... Zayd, what do you think about your dad's dancing?

He could do better, but...

I think it was quite amazing, to be honest.

Ewan, what do you think about your parents' dancing?

-"A" stars all around.

-Oh, perfect.

Zayd, what did you think about Ewan's parents' dancing?

-No better than my parents.

-Oh! I see.

OK, some competitiveness. I love this.

Erin, how did your parents do?

Well, it was quite embarrassing.

I think it was amazing.

One samoji for Zayd's dad for style.

Yes.

And one samoji for Erin's dad for cringe.

Yay!

Hold up your pedometers.

Let's see what they say.

Zayd's says 156.

Erin's says 170. OK.

And Ewan's says 122.

Erin is getting three samojis for most steps.

THEY CHEER

Congratulations.

OK, peeps, let's loop.

SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS

Ewan, my little vlogging prodigy, get close to me.

I have a question for you.

Earlier I asked your mum what her favourite item of clothing was.

The thing she treasures most

out of her shoes, jackets,

trousers and smalls.

If you can go and get

the correct item,

I'll hand you another samoji.

Go! Go get your mum's favourite clothing item,

and it better be right if you want that extra samoji.

-EWAN'S MUM:

-Yes!

-Yes, yes!

There you go! The answer was boots.

And you brought me boots,

so you get one extra samoji for that.

Good job, Ewan.

Yes!

So, let's see who is swimming in samojis.

Ewan and Zayd are still tied with six samojis,

and Erin has a massive 16.

Contenders, you are on your own from here.

Bye, mums, bye, dads.

Leave, leave the room.

I need some private time with Zayd, Erin and Ewan.

Zayd, Erin, Ewan, let's get serious here.

It is the last chance to win big.

Go and get a buzzer.

Has everyone got their buzzers?

I sure got mine.

OK, hold up your buzzers.

-What have you got, Zayd?

-It's a shaker.

-Coasters.

-A money bank.

COINS CLATTER Beautiful, beautiful.

Everyone lean in and listen up.

This game is called Say What You Seemojis.

Look at my samojis and tell me what they are meant to represent.

The first person to buzz in and answer correctly

wins the hallowed samojis.

First Say What You Seemoji.

It's a song.

Does anyone know what song this is?

Erin, what do you think it is?

Is it...

..Pull Crackers?

No! That is not the correct answer.

-Ewan, what do you think it is?

-Is it Fight Song?

-Yes!

-Ewan, you get three samojis for that.

-Woo!

Congratulations, congratulations.

Next one. It's a TV show.

Let's see what it is.

What show do you think it is?

Ewan?

-Is it Marrying Mum And Dad?

-Yes!

-Ewan, that's another three samojis for you.

-Woo!

Great work, great work.

And the final one is a perfect snack for the movies.

Let's see it.

-Zayd, what is it?

-Popcorn?

Good job, you get three samojis for that.

That's it, everyone.

And I can reveal that...

today's Remotely Funny winner is...

HEARTBEATS

Erin!

Woo!

Congratulations, Erin.

Yay!

Woo!

SQUEALS: Woo! That's a Finnish celebration.

WHISTLE TOOTS

That's a Brazilian one.

Erin, congratulations.

I will be sending you a highly-prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

Zayd, Ewan, you played amazingly, but you don't go home empty-handed.

We'll be sending you

a money-can't-buy Remotely Funny souvenir.

Congratulations, everyone.

-Yay!

-Woo!

Get your families back in the room.

-Family!

-Come back!

-Bring them in.

Big thanks to Zayd, Erin and Ewan,

and your families for letting me create havoc around the house.

You've been immense,

it's been remote, and we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music! Ciao!

ALL: Bye!