Steve Coogan - The Inside Story


Steve Coogan - The Inside Story

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Transcript


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Hello.

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My name's Mark Williams, Steve Coogan's only real friend.

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Welcome to Steve Coogan: The Inside Story,

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a celebration of one of the greatest comic actors of all time.

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Smell my cheese, you mother!

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I mean, he's always been my favourite comedian.

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Safe sex. It's very important. Safe sex.

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Take precautions. Put your fag out!

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I was at college doing drama and I did my dissertation on Steve.

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It's all right, love. I don't bite.

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That's extra.

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He wants to build a thing that people will recognise

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and see is good. And that's his ambition.

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I think my biggest influence is probably me.

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Here's what the British public thinks about him.

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-Tell us what you know about Steve Coogan.

-Nothing at all.

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-Paul or Pauline...?

-Calf.

-Don't know.

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We don't know Steve Coogan.

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Steve Coogan.

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RASPING WHEEZY LAUGH

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Is that OK?

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I think he's funny, you know? Sometimes very funny.

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-What do you think?

-I agree.

-He thinks he's funny.

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-Sometimes very funny.

-Yeah.

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That's the guy, the DJ... You got me at the wrong time, man! You know.

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He makes me laugh, you know? Sometimes a lot.

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-What do you think?

-I agree.

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-He makes him laugh.

-Sometimes a lot.

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Hi. I'm Lionel Blair. I've never actually met Steve Coogan. Shall I just give a thumbs up?

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Ange, help me. He's a DJ...

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Arthur Scargill. National Union of Miners. Steve Coogan is a scab and should not be on British TV.

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Steve Coogan. Man, you've got me at a bad time.

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I've seen Steve Coogan in several places.

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Twice in the city centre, just off Piccadilly, once in the Arndale,

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twice in Stockport and once in Preston.

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Based on Terry Wogan, or that sort of thing. A DJ, man.

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Hey!

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HIGH-PITCHED SQEAKING

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Catch-a-goo-goo, yeah. The one that got us up.

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-You know, the one where he was...

-Partridge.

-Alan Partridge.

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-Alan Partridge.

-That's it! Whoa, we got there. Just wicked. Amazing.

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Steve's not just a comedian.

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He's a shape-shifting chameleon.

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A man of many accents, faces, wigs and dance steps.

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We've talked to people who know him and who have worked with him.

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Let's get the Inside Story.

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The real Steve Coogan?

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My God, that's a hard question, isn't it?

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I've been going to aerobics, three times a week.

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You know aerobics - people jumping up and down in leotards.

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But I get a discount cos I just sit and watch.

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A lot of guys have one brilliant character,

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then every so often you get someone who has four or five. And Steve's one.

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"F.Raphael."

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I used to have a teacher at school called Frank Raphael.

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"Sweaty Raphael", we used to call him.

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Big sweating stains under his armpits.

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I've just realised it's you. How the devil are you?

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He loved the camera and the camera loved him.

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He used to make love to the camera.

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Literally. We'd go away for lunch,

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-come back, and he'd make love to the camera.

-Right.

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-In our absence.

-He'd say it was Swarfega.

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My first marriage split up many years ago.

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We were young. We wanted different things from life.

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I wanted to travel, see the world and broaden my horizons.

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She wanted to be a big fat pig.

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Hello. My name's Tom Fun and this is my partner Derek de Bouvoir-St-James.

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-of Mayfair.

-Mayfair. We were Mr Coogan's make-up artists

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throughout the 1990s.

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Steve Coogan, what a shit!

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I think you'll find he was a bag of shit.

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A church near me was recently broken into by a bunch of crack addicts.

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If it wasn't nailed down, they just took it with them.

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So at least Jesus was safe.

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The odd thing about Steve is to remember certain trigger words.

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Certain words will frighten Steve. Words like bone, banana, truth,

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and the other one is bread.

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As long as you're careful with those words, he's like a little dog.

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He's lovely. He'll sit on your lap and he'll lick your face.

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Do you like me hair?

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It's by L'Oreal.

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Why?

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Cos I'm worth it!

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Knob-head!

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He used to do this all the time.

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His PA would say, "Mr Coogan, I've got a note for you from Owen Wilson" or something,

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and he'd go, "So what?"

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Steve's violent, something we like to keep quiet in the business.

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But it's best it's out and about.

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Um, it comes about. It's very sporadic,

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it's very sharp and it's very unexpected.

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Frequently, it's when I'm sleeping.

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A bloke by us won the lottery the other week. I couldn't believe it!

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I went round his house and said, "You must be sick of these people pretending to be your mates."

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And he said to me, "Who are you?"

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The real Steve Coogan is...

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It's a bit of a conundrum, really, cos he's probably got about nine syndromes.

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I tried sex once in a remand centre.

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It wasn't really for me.

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They all seemed to enjoy it!

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I was only visiting.

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He's such a chameleon. He actually changes physically.

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Your neighbour has made a complaint.

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Know what he called me? He said I was a blight on society.

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I think that's what he said. I couldn't tell cos he's Scotch.

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Steve is a lot of different things. He's always fascinated me as a person.

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I wouldn't want to try and describe him in any way.

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There's Dan! Dan! Dan!

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Dan!

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Dan!

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DAN!!

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Dan!

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Dan!

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Dan!

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Dan! Dan! Dan!

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Dan!

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Dan!

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Dan! Dan!

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No, he's not seeing me.

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I'll get him later.

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Dan!!

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'How did it all begin?'

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Well, back in the '80s, a young, fresh-faced lad from north Manchester

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made an immediate impression.

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And not as a stand-up. As a fine mimic.

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Neil Kinnock: Well, it's quite obvious this person is frustrated with the poll tax,

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as is everyone.

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He would come over to Ireland for his holidays.

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And I remember there was a cat in the yard.

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-There was a...

-Black cat.

-There was a cat in the yard.

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It... It... It was a...black-and-white cat in the yard.

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And he was...

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he was out in the yard with a cat.

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And he was forever with the voices.

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He was forever with the voices.

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-DEEP AMERICAN VOICE:

-One man is The Terminator.

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That man is Ronnie Corbett.

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-AS RONNIE CORBETT:

-One question, please.

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Now, the thing is...

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the thing is, I am The Terminator. You know.

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Which means I have to blow people away.

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Which isn't very nice.

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The first time I ever got up and did stand-up on stage was with Steve.

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Roger Moore having an argument with Sean Connery.

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"I was the best Bond." "You weren't."

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-AS SEAN CONNERY:

-So, Q, what equipment do you have for me this week?

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It was 1982. Steve had the world at his feet.

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We were on Joe Pasquale's yacht, moored off Weymouth.

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Everyone was there.

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Joe Bugner, Henry Cooper,

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Kevin Keegan, Noam Chomsky, Gore Vidal,

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half of Duran Duran - let's just say Duran!

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And I took Steve to one side and said, "Steve, stick with the voices.

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"Stick with the funny voices. Don't do the characters."

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And he didn't listen.

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And I have to say, had he heeded my words,

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right now, he'd be living in a large detached house in Guildford.

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His first excursion into character comedy was Duncan Thicket,

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a wannabe stand-up comic who really makes people laugh.

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But for all the wrong reasons.

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The problem with me comedy, right, is it's hard-hitting

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and up-to-the-minute,

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without being funny.

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If I get the third one, we're up and running.

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Duncan Thicket is a particular favourite of mine.

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Apart from anything else, that should not work.

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You should not be able to go on stage doing a bad comedy routine.

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I've got another catchphrase. I do something like a joke

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and I say, "Is that funny?" And you say, "No!

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"It's hilarious!"

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Do remember the second part of that. It's very important.

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As soon as you see him, and this is a testament to Steve's ability to create a character,

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you know that he's terribly tragic.

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A terribly, terribly tragic character.

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Do you remember being at school? The happiest days of your life.

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Unless you were bullied.

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You'd come home at the end of the day

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and you'd take your anorak off

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and the back would be completely covered in gob!

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Where did it come from?

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Oh, yes. I think so.

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I think so.

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-RONNIE ANCONA:

-It's almost as if he's got an anorak permanently grafted to him.

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He has a great ability to do "nerd" well.

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Wonder where he gets that from?

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Have you ever noticed, have you ever noticed, right,

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women, they don't like you taking their photographs at the baths, do they?

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Especially with the underwater camera!

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What's the problem? You can't see their heads.

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Another early character was Ernest Moss,

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a health and safety officer who believed that a fun night out should be taken seriously.

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-Good evening.

-Hello.

-Hello.

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My name is Ernest Moss.

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I'm here to give you a lecture on safety. Then you can get on with the fun.

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What you wear is all-important. Let's take six ordinary people

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you might find in any town or village.

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LAUGHTER

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Now, I would only have one of these men on a building site.

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And quite simply, it's the man who's got the best equipment.

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Which in this case is this man.

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Why? Because he's got a hard helmet.

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Now, I wouldn't mind...

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I wouldn't mind having any of the others, I'd have the lot of them,

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as long as they wore some sort of protection.

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The only other one I consider as he stands

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is this man.

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Why?

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Why? Because he's wearing leather chaps.

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Not to be sniffed at.

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Working in Manchester alongside up-and-coming talents John Thomson and Caroline Aherne,

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it wasn't long before Granada TV gave the three young character comedians

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their own local television pilot.

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And now a regional round-up of what's been happening locally...

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-..in your own region...

-..on your own doorstep...

-And it's local.

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-What is it?

-It's local!

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Weather Watch. Well, the sun really did have its hat on today.

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Hip-hip hooray, he's coming out to play locally.

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But it rained in London!

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I heard about this guy making a big stink at the Edinburgh Festival.

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I wanted to be part of that stink.

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I knew that one day I'd have that guy on my channel.

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JOHN THOMSON: The head of Granada comedy at the time

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looked at three local turns

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that might work well together. That was me, Caroline Aherne and Steve.

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Please welcome Hollywood's pretty woman, Julia Roberts.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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# ..walking down the street, Pretty Woman

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# Kind I like to meet, Pretty Woman... #

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Julia, welcome to the show. You look beautiful.

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Thanks. Lovely. Cheers.

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You're a pretty woman with a huge success.

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Do you feel it glamorised prostitution?

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Not really, no. I mean...

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I was paid to play a sexy lady.

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That's what I do. That's what I am, a sexy lady.

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Hollywood was stunned to hear of your break-up with Kiefer Sutherland.

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How do you feel about that now?

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I'm still very bitter about what happened between me and Kiefer.

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But I do still have a soft spot for him.

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It's a swamp at the bottom of our garden!

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No, I'm joking, you know.

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But that's the way I cope with it.

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Yeah, remember that show we did with him up in Manchester?

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-Manchester.

-Up north.

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With John Thomson, Caroline Aherne - Royle Family.

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John Thomson - Coronation Street.

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-They've gone on to great things, whereas Coogan...

-What was it called?

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-What was it called?

-Dead Good Show.

-Dead something.

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-It was the first...

-It died a death, anyway. Puh-ka-chumba!

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'Kowalski is not just a cop.

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'He's a cop with a sofa.'

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There was a sofa. That sofa in the room. It was disgusting.

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And I was leaning on it and Steve went, "Do you know what you look like?

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"You look like an American cop.

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"Leaning on this sofa going, 'In 24 hours...'"

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One of them kinda... He went, "Wouldn't that be funny?" And that's how writing happens.

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He went, "Imagine you were a cop with a sofa.

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"Your wife left you. The nearest thing to love you could find was that sofa."

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Get me Kowalski, the cop with the sofa.

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I want his arse down here now!

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You're nothing special, Kowalski!

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You're just a cop with a sofa bed.

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It ain't a sofa bed.

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It's just a sofa.

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Steve's first big break on national TV

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came with the work-shy Mancunian pub philosopher, Paul Calf.

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My name's Paul Calf. I support Man City.

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I like drinking. I like a laugh, chat, bit of a debate,

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argument, scrap, fight, punch-up,

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break some bloke's nose.

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I like life.

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MUSIC: "Roll With It" by Oasis

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MUSIC STOPS

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It was between that and an Audi TT.

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Steve Coogan, he was fantastic.

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Steve Coogan, he was tremendous.

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-You got your Paul Calf.

-Lovely.

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-He used to bait the students.

-Get in, there!

-Get in there!

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Do you know what I can't stand?

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I can't bleeding stand students.

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Students! Do you know what I mean?

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I was at college doing drama and I did my dissertation on Steve.

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"Ooh, Julian, have you done your thesis?"

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I tried to find it.

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I couldn't find it, but what I did unearth,

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in my file marked "Dissertation",

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and this isn't like a huge thing,

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my dissertation is actually on these floppy disks.

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I found all this stuff. A signed Paul Calf beer mat.

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A signed picture of Steve which I must have written to him to get.

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Another signed picture which was on my bedroom wall.

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Palace Theatre tickets.

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I always like that one with the wigs in the background.

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I mean, tour dates.

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This feels like it's going nowhere, but what's odd is that I end up

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in a successful show that is headed by Baby Cow, owned by Steve.

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I've seen Steve on set. I don't think he knows anything about this.

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I feel slightly demeaned, now.

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I feel slightly dirty

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and degraded.

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Students.

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I went to the chippy the other night to get a bit of nose bag.

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There was a student at the front of the queue...

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..writing a cheque for a bag of chips!

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A bleeding cheque for a bag of chips!

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Bag o' shite!

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Paul Calf was a very angry young man,

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intolerant of students and their bags of shit.

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I commissioned him without diligence or due forethought.

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I had to go to the job centre the other day for a Restart interview.

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It really bugs me

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cos I'm available for work.

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It's not my fault there's no vacancies for a netball coach!

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Mr Coogan was terribly nervous

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for about the last just about 20 seconds before a live show,

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-wasn't he?

-So?

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-You used to give him something to calm his nerves.

-A kick up the arse.

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I've met the real Peter Stringfellow.

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He's a bit of an odd ball, isn't he?

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Have you seen the haircut on him?

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What does he think he looks like?

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The way he spoke and how he talked about women.

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It was very familiar.

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Do you know what I'm sick and tired of?

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People coming up to me, saying, "Paul, you're a sexist."

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I'm not! I'm not a sexist. I'm a radical feminist.

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I am. You've got to be these days if you want to get your end away.

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Most people in Manchester know of somebody like that.

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Or are that person! If you don't know somebody, that is you!

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You've got to stick up for Beckham.

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It bugs me when people say, "David Beckham's not very clever."

0:19:070:19:11

They don't say "Stephen Hawking's shit at football."

0:19:110:19:15

With Paul Calf a hit, Steve gambled on creating a brand-new character

0:19:170:19:22

on live TV.

0:19:220:19:23

With only a week of preparation, Paul's sister Pauline was born.

0:19:230:19:28

I've been all over the world. I love culture. I've been to Lanzarote,

0:19:280:19:31

Benidorm, Ibiza and Majorca.

0:19:310:19:35

Nicaragua, that were crap.

0:19:350:19:37

Full of students picking coffee beans.

0:19:380:19:41

Anyway, when I was in Ibiza, that's when I met Andy.

0:19:420:19:46

Andy was dead sophisticated.

0:19:460:19:48

Didn't stick his tongue in for ages when he were kissing me.

0:19:480:19:51

He said he wanted to take things slowly.

0:19:510:19:54

I didn't mind cos I'd just been sick!

0:19:540:19:56

People say to me, "Do you love Steve?" "Are you in love with Steve?"

0:19:570:20:00

No, I'm not. I have found him attractive - only twice.

0:20:000:20:05

One of those times was when he was Pauline Calf.

0:20:050:20:07

I'm Pauline Calf, Paul's sister.

0:20:070:20:10

I work in a chemist at the moment but I'd like to be a beautician in a salon.

0:20:100:20:15

I'm 24, single and gagging for it!

0:20:150:20:19

Only joking! I'm 25!

0:20:210:20:23

Tom, you used to spend an age making him into Pauline Calf.

0:20:230:20:26

Yes, I turned him into the most wonderful woman.

0:20:260:20:30

-I used to buff his legs.

-You spent a lot of time on his legs.

0:20:300:20:33

A lot of time down there, yes.

0:20:330:20:35

In Dubai, I tried to mix with the locals.

0:20:350:20:38

So I organised a wet burka competition.

0:20:380:20:41

No, they loved it. You should have seen their faces!

0:20:430:20:46

Well, you couldn't, but you know.

0:20:480:20:51

Quite sexy. I fancied Pauline Calf.

0:20:510:20:53

Which was a bit odd. Really odd.

0:20:530:20:55

Tell you who's really posh - Posh.

0:20:550:20:58

Yes. She does a lot of work for charity. She gives all her clothes to starving children.

0:20:580:21:02

Well, who else are they gonna fit?

0:21:020:21:04

I heard you did it with her.

0:21:060:21:08

That's what I heard. Don't get narked. I heard you did it with her.

0:21:080:21:12

Did you do it with her?

0:21:120:21:14

-No.

-You did, didn't you?

0:21:160:21:19

You did, didn't you? You did it, didn't you?

0:21:190:21:22

Phwaar!

0:21:220:21:23

I reckon he did with Pauline.

0:21:230:21:26

I've got a tattoo. See me tattoo? It's Chinese.

0:21:260:21:29

I wanted something that suited me

0:21:290:21:31

so I asked him to put in Chinese "Free spirit of the night."

0:21:310:21:35

But he wasn't very good. I had it translated and it says, "Free spirits all night."

0:21:350:21:40

I keep being followed by Chinese winos!

0:21:400:21:43

I don't like it when he does the lady.

0:21:440:21:46

I don't like him to dress as a lady.

0:21:460:21:49

I like the characters he does.

0:21:490:21:51

They're fine, funny and they're grand characters he does.

0:21:510:21:56

I don't like when he dresses as a lady

0:21:560:21:58

because he has to pretend to have a vagina. I don't like that.

0:21:580:22:02

I've got one on one of me buttocks.

0:22:020:22:05

It's quite subtle.

0:22:050:22:07

It says "Swollen goods not accepted. Please try round the front."

0:22:070:22:11

He/She is believable.

0:22:140:22:16

Even though it's a bloke, dressed up again.

0:22:160:22:19

It's believable.

0:22:190:22:21

When she reads from her books and that, her novels.

0:22:210:22:24

I've written a new novel.

0:22:240:22:27

It's very sort of jet set. Lots of mystery and intrigue.

0:22:270:22:30

Very sophisticated. Very intellectual.

0:22:300:22:32

It's called "She Shat Herself".

0:22:320:22:35

"Chapter one, in which our heroine meets her match.

0:22:360:22:40

"Her name was Polly Lamb. She was blonde and petite.

0:22:400:22:43

"A size eight."

0:22:430:22:45

We talked about how I was called Florence cos that's where I was conceived.

0:22:470:22:51

Like Brooklyn Beckham and Van Morrison.

0:22:510:22:54

"That night they made love on his antique revolving water bed

0:22:570:23:00

"as fireworks lit up the sky.

0:23:000:23:03

"Rockets. More rockets.

0:23:030:23:05

"Catherine wheels, Roman candles, bangers, jumping jacks.

0:23:050:23:09

"'What's that noise?', she enquired.

0:23:090:23:13

"'Bangers', he replied.

0:23:130:23:14

"'I'm doing me best!', she exclaimed."

0:23:140:23:17

It's pretty astonishing how feminine he is.

0:23:180:23:21

Also, over the years of playing Pauline Calf how much Pauline changes.

0:23:210:23:25

Yes, I look after myself.

0:23:250:23:28

I get three medium-sized portions a day.

0:23:280:23:30

As for food, mind your own business!

0:23:300:23:33

Steve had plans for new characters

0:23:330:23:35

and very soon the BBC gave him his own series -

0:23:350:23:38

Coogan's Run.

0:23:380:23:40

Oh, yes, she's a beauty. A real temptress.

0:23:550:23:59

I'm looking at her right now.

0:23:590:24:01

Anti-lock brakes, alloy wheels, air con...

0:24:010:24:04

Hey, you! Get away from that car! Go on, bugger off!

0:24:050:24:09

I swear Keith is gonna crap himself when he sees it.

0:24:090:24:12

Twat!

0:24:120:24:14

No, not yet. One big sale and I'm in the Diamond Club. Yeah.

0:24:140:24:18

What? Yeah, we should get together.

0:24:180:24:21

Shoot a game of pool, like the old days.

0:24:210:24:24

Yeah. Listen, just you and me on the town. We'll get completely rat-arsed.

0:24:240:24:29

Yeah. All right. OK.

0:24:300:24:32

Bye, Mum. Bye!

0:24:320:24:34

Coogan's Run, the Gareth Cheeseman episode

0:24:340:24:38

is as good a half an hour of his work as he's ever produced, I think.

0:24:380:24:43

-I'd like to report a robbery.

-Where did it happen?

0:24:430:24:46

In outer space, where do you think? In the bloody hotel last night.

0:24:460:24:50

-QUIETLY:

-A woman...

-Sorry, could you speak up?

0:24:500:24:53

A woman who I...

0:24:530:24:55

A woman who...

0:24:560:24:58

Basically I've had my wallet stolen.

0:24:580:25:00

-What was that about a woman?

-A woman who I...

0:25:000:25:04

A woman who I took to my room, you know...

0:25:040:25:06

A woman who I... Oh, forget it! Forget it!

0:25:060:25:09

-How much was in the wallet?

-£200 cash,

0:25:090:25:13

Amex Gold, Visa Gold, Diner's Gold and Access.

0:25:130:25:16

-Gold?

-Not yet. And a Blockbusters Video membership card.

0:25:160:25:19

Room 307.

0:25:190:25:21

Ah, sir, you own the Ford outside, don't you?

0:25:210:25:25

-Ford Probe. What about it?

-We'll have to move it, sir.

0:25:250:25:28

-Touch that car and I'll kill you.

-Please don't. I have a wife and young child.

0:25:280:25:32

-Do you want a picture?

-BABY CRIES

0:25:340:25:37

-I think you've made yourself look a bit of a clown!

-What?

0:25:370:25:40

How come you can hear me now? Is it selective deafness?

0:25:400:25:43

What?

0:25:430:25:45

Shit!

0:25:490:25:50

Not one to rest on his laurels, Steve had more to come.

0:25:500:25:53

His next invention, the singing sensation from Portugal,

0:25:530:25:57

Tony Ferrino!

0:25:570:25:59

Hi. My name is Tony Ferrino.

0:25:590:26:02

Welcome to my Phenomenon.

0:26:020:26:04

MUSIC: '70s SATURDAY NIGHT VARIETY

0:26:040:26:08

-#

-Ferrino

0:26:240:26:27

-#

-Ferrino-rino.

-#

0:26:270:26:30

'Tony Ferrino was a Latino lothario

0:26:300:26:34

'with a very eye-catching crotch.'

0:26:340:26:37

He came complete with his own catchphrases.

0:26:370:26:40

"Put a belt round it." "Come down from the steeple, Arthur."

0:26:400:26:43

And "Up periscope!"

0:26:430:26:45

Good evening and welcome to the Tony Ferrino Phenomenon.

0:26:450:26:49

Let me begin by saying...

0:26:490:26:50

SPEAKS PORTUGUESE

0:26:500:26:53

..which is Portuguese...

0:26:530:26:54

When I arrived in your country...

0:26:550:26:58

Tony Ferrino, for example,

0:26:580:27:00

that special is just... I think it's absolutely superb.

0:27:000:27:04

The music. I've got the album and I've listened to it hundreds of times. It's fantastic.

0:27:040:27:09

-#

-We're going fishing

0:27:090:27:11

-#

-Fishing for girls

0:27:120:27:13

-#

-In a river called love

0:27:130:27:16

# We're gonna catch slow ones

0:27:160:27:18

-#

-Quick ones

-Smart ones

0:27:180:27:19

-#

-Thick ones

0:27:190:27:21

-#

-In a river called love

0:27:210:27:23

-#

-Fishing for girls...

-#

0:27:230:27:25

Tony Ferrino - do you remember him, Ken?

0:27:250:27:27

Late '70s with a 'tache.

0:27:270:27:29

Lou Ferrino. The Incredible Hulk. Marvellous character.

0:27:290:27:33

Was that Coogan?

0:27:350:27:36

On that day, my life in the world of music was to change for ever.

0:27:360:27:40

I'm talking, of course, about the 1980 Eurovision Song Contest.

0:27:400:27:44

TINNY MUSIC

0:27:440:27:47

SINGS IN PORTUGUESE

0:27:520:27:54

-# Papa, papa

-Bendy, bendy

0:27:590:28:02

-# Papa, papa

-Bendy, bendy

0:28:020:28:03

-# Papa, papa

-Bendy, bendy Thank you very much!

0:28:030:28:07

-#

-Thank you very much

0:28:070:28:09

-#

-Thank you very much!

-#

0:28:090:28:11

There was the time he was caught in flagrato delectus

0:28:110:28:14

with Delia Smith in the boiler room round the back of Studio One.

0:28:140:28:18

It was like two pigs in a sauna, grunts and all.

0:28:180:28:21

It's good to see you... LAUGHS

0:28:210:28:23

Good to see you in the flesh, as it were.

0:28:250:28:27

I know!

0:28:270:28:28

Would this be your very first record in English?

0:28:280:28:32

No, you see... No, you see...

0:28:320:28:34

It's my first record in England, not my first in English.

0:28:340:28:38

You can't twist me with your clever word play, Mr Clive James!

0:28:380:28:41

I saw him on Clive Anderson, which was brilliant, cos it's hard,

0:28:440:28:47

it's hard as a normal person to answer questions

0:28:470:28:50

but to stay in character and answer questions is great, especially with Clive.

0:28:500:28:54

Is there a big scene in Portugal?

0:28:540:28:57

You're trying to be clever now.

0:28:570:28:59

-You... You...

-Only comparatively!

0:29:000:29:03

When you talk you must slow down

0:29:030:29:05

because I translate very slow, you know?

0:29:050:29:08

At the moment, what you're saying sounds like bullshit!

0:29:080:29:11

Is there any of Steve in Tony Ferrino?

0:29:150:29:18

Um...

0:29:180:29:20

A kind of, um...

0:29:200:29:23

narcissistic, skirt-chasing...

0:29:230:29:27

..Ferrari-driving... No, I can't... I just don't think it...

0:29:300:29:34

I guess they just made it up.

0:29:340:29:36

When I was young, I'd ride round the village on a donkey.

0:29:410:29:44

People would say, "There goes Tony Ferrino, singing from his ass!"

0:29:440:29:48

They used to call me the donkey boy.

0:29:480:29:52

Did you have a donkey?

0:29:520:29:53

-Sorry?

-Did you have a donkey?

0:29:530:29:55

No.

0:29:550:29:57

Steve had been working on a radio series

0:29:570:30:00

with Armando Iannucci and Chris Morris called On The Hour.

0:30:000:30:03

For the TV series, it changed its name

0:30:030:30:06

to The Day Today.

0:30:060:30:08

Sinn Fein have so far denied they are backing the campaign.

0:30:150:30:19

Earlier I spoke to their Deputy Leader, Rory O'Connor

0:30:190:30:22

who under broadcasting restrictions must inhale helium to subtract credibility from his statements.

0:30:220:30:28

What's your statement?

0:30:280:30:30

-HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAK:

-These incidents are inevitable.

0:30:310:30:36

-You support this campaign?

-The IRA have been forced into this.

0:30:360:30:39

You do support this campaign of violence?

0:30:390:30:42

The IR...

0:30:440:30:46

Sinn Fein is a legitimate political party.

0:30:470:30:50

Which supports terrorism.

0:30:500:30:52

Your tone is antagonistic and you're making me angry.

0:30:520:30:55

Steven done The Day Today and all the other stuff

0:30:550:30:58

with Armando Iannucci and all that.

0:30:580:31:00

I didn't like it. It wasn't funny. I don't think Steve thought it was funny.

0:31:000:31:04

People say Alan Partridge came from that character. The sportsman, commentator.

0:31:040:31:09

No. I wrote Alan Partridge, no bones about it.

0:31:090:31:12

I love those little touches you add.

0:31:120:31:14

You turn and smile at the judge. A little wave, a little wink.

0:31:140:31:18

It's not looks and smiles. It's skill and discipline.

0:31:180:31:21

Yes. If I'd have been a judge, I would have been a complete mess.

0:31:210:31:25

-Right.

-What about the horse? How's that handling?

0:31:250:31:29

Sir Danzig wasn't doing too well.

0:31:290:31:32

He shied away from the jump and that's when I began to lose it.

0:31:320:31:35

If you have any more problems with him,

0:31:350:31:37

-you can ride me round the paddock.

-Thank you.

0:31:370:31:40

Anyway, I think that next year I'll have better luck.

0:31:400:31:45

When... When you... How do you ride a horse?

0:31:460:31:50

-How do I ride...

-How do you ride a horse?

0:31:500:31:52

I've been riding since the age of five.

0:31:520:31:55

It isn't anything you can learn. It's in the blood.

0:31:550:31:58

Sir Danzig.

0:32:000:32:02

..is my horse.

0:32:020:32:03

I'll be back next year and I'll win on him.

0:32:030:32:06

-You tell 'em.

-Thank you.

0:32:060:32:08

Nowadays it's all too serious, sports commentary.

0:32:090:32:12

People get it right all the time.

0:32:120:32:14

People rarely make mistakes in sports commentary. More's the pity.

0:32:140:32:18

Yes, yes,

0:32:180:32:21

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!

0:32:210:32:25

That was a goal!

0:32:270:32:30

Go-a-a-a-a-al!

0:32:300:32:33

Striker!

0:32:330:32:36

Eat that!

0:32:360:32:38

And another!

0:32:380:32:39

Eat that and stick it in! Thank you and good night!

0:32:390:32:43

Twat! That was liquid football!

0:32:440:32:48

Shit!

0:32:490:32:50

Did you see that?

0:32:500:32:52

He must have a foot like a traction engine!

0:32:520:32:55

-Who was your favourite character?

-Partridge!

0:32:550:32:59

-You liked Partridge, did you?

-No.

0:32:590:33:02

-You just said you liked him.

-I never.

0:33:020:33:04

-Do you like Partridge or not?

-No. Never heard of him.

0:33:040:33:08

-But I said what's your favourite character...

-Partridge. Adam Partridge.

0:33:080:33:12

That's not one of Coogan's. It's Alan Partridge.

0:33:120:33:15

I don't know. Who cares?

0:33:150:33:17

Good evening and a-ha!

0:33:170:33:19

-Ha-ha.

-A-ha, not ha-hah.

-Ha-hah.

0:33:190:33:22

-A-ha!

-Ah!

-A-ha!

-Ah.

0:33:220:33:25

A-ha!

0:33:250:33:26

Knowing me, knowing you. A-ha.

0:33:260:33:28

Knowing you, knowing you. A-ha.

0:33:280:33:31

It's A-ha.

0:33:310:33:32

A-ha!

0:33:320:33:33

Tre-mendous.

0:33:330:33:35

-It's a catchphrase.

-Fantastic.

0:33:350:33:37

A-ha!

0:33:370:33:39

Can we drop that now, please?

0:33:390:33:41

It's become a bit of an albatross.

0:33:410:33:43

Knowing me, knowing you? No way!

0:33:430:33:45

A-ha!

0:33:450:33:46

I was looking for a replacement for Terry Wogan as a chat show host

0:33:460:33:50

as Terry had become increasingly underhand, morose and subdued.

0:33:500:33:54

My first thoughts were for Alan Titchmarsh, the gardener,

0:33:540:33:57

but whoever thought of a gardener doing a chat show? Ridiculous!

0:33:570:34:01

Then I got a call from my good friend and legendary producer from Norwich, Mick Muff.

0:34:010:34:07

You may remember Mick Muff and his brothers Muff and Miff Muff

0:34:070:34:10

from Mick Muff and the Muff Men and their son, My Mother's Muffin's In My Mouth.

0:34:100:34:15

Mick had one thing to say to me and that was, "Partridge."

0:34:150:34:18

P-P-P-P-Partridge.

0:34:180:34:21

Awful, a bladder infection.

0:34:210:34:23

I had one once. Turns your urine the colour of stout.

0:34:230:34:26

-Very painful, too. I could sit down but I couldn't cross my legs.

-Oh.

0:34:260:34:31

But different for me because of the penis.

0:34:310:34:33

Now...

0:34:330:34:35

Show your classic pose.

0:34:350:34:37

From Partridge. Steve used to love it.

0:34:370:34:40

That's it! That is Ken filming Partridge.

0:34:400:34:44

1998.

0:34:440:34:46

-It worked for me.

-Per-fect.

-It worked for me.

0:34:460:34:48

I was more like this. Out the way, Ken.

0:34:480:34:51

I was much more sporty. Like that.

0:34:510:34:54

Three, two, one. Go, Partridge.

0:34:540:34:56

Like that.

0:34:570:34:58

Move round. Got the Partridge. Got Felicity there.

0:34:580:35:01

A-ha. Over to you, Ken.

0:35:010:35:04

Lovely. My turn. On the button.

0:35:040:35:07

Alan Partridge went on to star in his own show, Knowing Me, Knowing You.

0:35:070:35:11

And again in I'm Alan Partridge,

0:35:110:35:14

gaining Steve huge public acclaim, every award going

0:35:140:35:18

and a house as big as this!

0:35:180:35:20

The bits of Steve that are in Partridge are the obsessiveness.

0:35:210:35:25

The attention to detail.

0:35:250:35:28

Um, the pedantry.

0:35:280:35:32

There's an issue I've meant to raise for two weeks.

0:35:320:35:35

Those little soaps in the shower room.

0:35:350:35:37

They will withstand, at best, one aggressive body scrub.

0:35:370:35:41

They start off the size of mini frisbees

0:35:410:35:44

and end up like actual size paracetamol.

0:35:440:35:47

Can't you use two?

0:35:470:35:50

I suppose that might work.

0:35:510:35:53

I'll just write that down.

0:36:000:36:02

Yeah, those are all elements of Steve. And the cars.

0:36:030:36:06

You'll have to trade down your Rover 800 for a smaller car.

0:36:060:36:10

Go on.

0:36:100:36:12

I picked up these brochures for the new Metro.

0:36:120:36:15

-It's a lovely car.

-Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini Metro!

0:36:150:36:19

-But you have to make substantial savings.

-I'm not driving a Metro!

0:36:190:36:22

If you do, you can keep Pear Tree Productions going with a staff of two...

0:36:220:36:27

-No point finishing the sentence. I'm not driving a Metro.

-But...

-Lynn!

0:36:270:36:30

-I'll just speak over you.

-But...

-No.

0:36:300:36:33

Try and finish the sentence and see what I do.

0:36:350:36:38

-Go on!

-A staff of two...

-I'm not driving a Mini Metro!

0:36:410:36:45

-Metro...

-I'm not driving a Mini Metro.

0:36:450:36:47

I think the character of Lynn in Alan Partridge probably is based on me.

0:36:490:36:53

But a much dowdier version.

0:36:530:36:56

He's a bit horrible to her.

0:36:560:36:58

Steve and myself get on very well together.

0:36:580:37:01

We're the same star sign - both Scorpios with a sting in our tail.

0:37:010:37:04

His mate Simon who did the Geordie, he's actually really posh, you know.

0:37:040:37:09

A real posh fella.

0:37:090:37:10

-Had beautiful nails, beautifully manicured.

-Long fingernails.

0:37:100:37:14

These vandals. Makes you wonder what it's all aboot.

0:37:140:37:17

-A boot?

-Aye. You know.

0:37:170:37:19

Vandals, what is it all aboot?

0:37:190:37:21

Oh, "about"! Sorry. Sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people.

0:37:210:37:27

It was my idea to do the Geordie, but when I did him, it was like that.

0:37:280:37:32

You understood what he was saying.

0:37:320:37:34

But when we started rehearsing, Armando Iannucci and Steve said,

0:37:340:37:38

let's make it really broad. Can't understand a word he's saying.

0:37:380:37:41

If they had theirselves proper jobs, they wouldn't be larking every night.

0:37:410:37:45

What?

0:37:450:37:47

I'm saying if they had theirselves proper jobs for to gan to,

0:37:490:37:53

they wouldn't dae it. They're from broken homes.

0:37:530:37:55

Sorry, that was just a noise.

0:37:550:37:58

What the thing is that you don't know about Steve is I know how to relax Steve.

0:37:580:38:02

He likes collecting plates.

0:38:020:38:04

His favourite thing is just to sit and look at his plates, or touch his plates.

0:38:040:38:08

Don't go near him if he's touching his plates. Just stand back.

0:38:080:38:12

Sometimes I hide and pretend I'm not there if he's having a plate moment.

0:38:120:38:16

-Alan, what are you doing?

-Climbing over a fence.

0:38:160:38:19

-You're nearly fif...

-Were you gonna say I'm nearly fifty?

0:38:190:38:22

I'm might be nearly fifty but at least I can... Aghh!

0:38:220:38:25

-What?

-I've pierced my foot on a spike!

0:38:250:38:28

I can't pick it up.

0:38:290:38:31

-Put yourself in the recovery position.

-You're quoting from Casualty now!

0:38:310:38:35

Pull it off all at once.

0:38:350:38:36

Then all the blood will run out the hole in my foot!

0:38:360:38:40

-Pull your foot off now.

-I'm levered on the spike.

-So pull it off! After three.

0:38:400:38:44

I'm not going to do it. You pull your foot off.

0:38:440:38:46

-Mine's not on the spike.

-Someone's coming. Be normal.

0:38:460:38:50

Be normal. Hello. Dante Fires, just through there.

0:38:500:38:53

Ooooh! You're gonna have a good time.

0:38:530:38:56

He was desperate to get back on the telly

0:38:560:38:58

and to get back his series.

0:38:580:39:01

Then he went and pitched to the controllers to get new shows.

0:39:010:39:06

-Inner-city sumo.

-What's that?

0:39:060:39:09

We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies

0:39:090:39:13

and get them to throw each other out of a circle drawn with chalk.

0:39:130:39:16

-It's a bad idea.

-Very cheap to make. Do it in a pub car park.

0:39:160:39:19

-No!

-If you don't do it, Sky will!

-I'll live with that.

0:39:190:39:23

The ideas he came up with for shows

0:39:230:39:25

he'd have a good chance of getting commissioned these days!

0:39:250:39:29

Ten years ago they appeared to be... 15 years ago,

0:39:290:39:32

he thought they were ludicrous when he was writing them.

0:39:320:39:35

-Is that it?

-No. No.

0:39:350:39:38

Cooking in prison.

0:39:390:39:40

No!

0:39:400:39:42

A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons.

0:39:440:39:46

-What's that?

-It's just a title.

0:39:460:39:49

Opening sequence - me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons, going, "Oh, God!"

0:39:510:39:56

I'm sorry. No. Stop.

0:39:560:39:58

Youth hostelling with Chris Eubank.

0:39:580:40:01

No!

0:40:010:40:03

Monkey tennis?

0:40:080:40:10

Partridge is crass and horrible

0:40:110:40:13

but he's compelling because he's quite human.

0:40:130:40:17

He's very vulnerable. He plays that very well.

0:40:170:40:20

Your programmes were appalling. The ratings were a ninth of what we expected.

0:40:200:40:25

-They started badly, they got worse...

-"They started badly. They got worse.

0:40:250:40:29

-"Your programmes. Your programmes."

-You're making a fool of yourself.

0:40:290:40:33

Who...

0:40:330:40:35

Who...

0:40:360:40:37

Who do you think you are?

0:40:370:40:40

Unfortunately for you,

0:40:410:40:43

I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television.

0:40:430:40:46

Oh, let's forget about all this.

0:40:470:40:50

Want some cheese?

0:40:530:40:54

It was a multi-faceted character.

0:40:540:40:56

You were aware that all this front

0:40:560:40:59

was the result of massive insecurity.

0:40:590:41:03

You knew if you scratched the surface it would all come caving in.

0:41:030:41:07

That was kind of joyful to watch

0:41:070:41:10

or sad to watch. Or a mixture.

0:41:100:41:13

'That was good.'

0:41:130:41:14

-Want to smell it?

-No.

-Smell the cheese.

-I don't want to.

0:41:140:41:17

-Smell my cheese.

-Please!

0:41:170:41:19

Smell my cheese, you mother!

0:41:190:41:21

That's quite enough, thank you.

0:41:210:41:23

I've got cheese! This is cheese!

0:41:240:41:27

Always ahead of the trend, Steve sailed into darker waters

0:41:280:41:33

with a spoof 1970s comedy horror series,

0:41:330:41:36

Doctor Terrible's House of Horrible.

0:41:360:41:39

Steve played six entirely new characters plus...

0:41:420:41:46

Doctor T himself.

0:41:460:41:48

When I was a young boy, my father gave me a kitten.

0:41:480:41:51

He was bright-eyed, playful and loyal.

0:41:510:41:55

But within a year, he fell ill and I had to put him down.

0:41:550:42:00

The kitten, however, lives on.

0:42:010:42:03

Sadly, not all murders can be so easily condoned.

0:42:040:42:08

No!

0:42:090:42:11

Daughter of Percy.

0:42:130:42:14

Aghhhh!

0:42:230:42:25

You pierced her heart with an occasional table.

0:42:270:42:30

Ask us how he used to hang his clothes up on the bus.

0:42:300:42:33

All right, how?

0:42:330:42:34

Pegg. Simon Pegg.

0:42:340:42:37

This is what I'm presenting to the board. The ultimate challenge.

0:42:400:42:44

If I can restore the scorched skin of a ginger

0:42:440:42:47

to its pre-singed freckled majesty,

0:42:470:42:50

then man will be able to say,

0:42:500:42:52

"I am non-flammable."

0:42:520:42:55

-Evening, Angus. You're scabbing well.

-I'm a wee bit sore, Doc.

0:42:550:43:00

Still, it could be worse.

0:43:000:43:02

I could be English!

0:43:020:43:04

Aghh!

0:43:040:43:05

'He was no fan of the wig.'

0:43:050:43:07

The process of putting it on. He'd make yelpy noises.

0:43:070:43:11

When you tried to force it on him, he'd squeal like a little pig.

0:43:110:43:14

TERRIFIED SCREAMS

0:43:140:43:17

By the devil's trident

0:43:180:43:20

thou art forked.

0:43:200:43:23

Completely forked.

0:43:250:43:27

Mr Coogan used to turn up with espadrilles every day.

0:43:270:43:30

-Oh, yes.

-They stank to high heaven.

0:43:300:43:32

Filthy stinking espadrilles.

0:43:320:43:34

He'd walk in and say, "Here you are, Tom Fann. Do something with these."

0:43:340:43:38

-What did you do?

-Threw 'em out the window.

0:43:380:43:40

Scissors!

0:43:490:43:51

N-o-o-o-o!

0:44:050:44:08

N-o-o-o-o!

0:44:120:44:14

Consider, there are nearly twice as many feet

0:44:140:44:17

as human beings.

0:44:170:44:19

A chilling thought.

0:44:190:44:21

We are outnumbered almost two to one.

0:44:210:44:25

So...

0:44:250:44:27

..tread carefully.

0:44:280:44:30

Good night.

0:44:300:44:31

MUSIC BY JETHRO TULL

0:44:390:44:41

'Maturing as a performer,

0:44:430:44:46

'Steve invested his next character with real warmth and depth.

0:44:460:44:50

The ex-roadie turned pest controller, Tommy Saxondale.

0:44:500:44:55

Celebrities don't like a fuss. Just treat them normally.

0:44:550:44:58

I remember being backstage with Bonnie Tyler.

0:44:580:45:00

She had a laugh like a Geordie docker.

0:45:000:45:03

I said, "Bonnie, who chose your wardrobe, Stevie Wonder?"

0:45:030:45:06

She gave that 40-a-day cackle.

0:45:060:45:09

I did the same joke with Sinead O'Connor.

0:45:100:45:13

She sprayed me with mace.

0:45:130:45:15

Saxondale is based on your life story, Chris.

0:45:150:45:18

Based on my life and styles.

0:45:180:45:21

That's something good that's come out of our relationship with Mr Coogan.

0:45:210:45:25

Saw me and said, "I want that lifestyle.

0:45:250:45:27

"But I can't have it so I'll make a TV programme and call it Saxondale."

0:45:270:45:31

Have you thought about consolidating your credit cards into one low-cost repayment?

0:45:310:45:36

No, but I've thought of caning them all into the red and faking my own death.

0:45:360:45:41

Well, if you sign up today, your name would go into a free prize draw.

0:45:430:45:48

You could be spending two weeks in our golfing and leisure resort

0:45:480:45:52

in Fuerteventura. How does that sound?

0:45:520:45:55

How does that sound?

0:45:550:45:57

Hanging out with a bunch of conceited golfing twats

0:45:570:46:01

talking about their tri-annual sales targets.

0:46:010:46:03

It's a toss-up between that and licking piss off nettles.

0:46:030:46:08

We all know somebody who's cross with the world

0:46:080:46:11

and doesn't like the way things are done.

0:46:110:46:14

Um...

0:46:140:46:15

And it's... He's not a job's-worth.

0:46:150:46:19

He's a man who's just at odds with the world because people aren't doing it properly.

0:46:190:46:24

Methinks I'm corrupting the young minds.

0:46:240:46:26

-Is that us done for the day, then?

-Yeah.

0:46:280:46:31

-Shall we go?

-No.

-Why not?

0:46:310:46:34

Because they've glued my arse to the chair.

0:46:340:46:37

'He had a spectacular behind.'

0:46:500:46:53

Very high backside.

0:46:530:46:55

It was as much the height as the volume of it, wasn't it?

0:46:550:46:59

Almost as high as an elephant's eye.

0:46:590:47:01

Fat, fat child. He was a fat child.

0:47:030:47:05

He was fat.

0:47:050:47:07

He had a large...

0:47:070:47:09

..what would you say?

0:47:110:47:13

-I don't...

-He always had a large...

0:47:130:47:15

The hind quarters was very large.

0:47:160:47:19

It was always the way.

0:47:190:47:21

That was the way he was. And that was fine.

0:47:210:47:24

A lot of people want to ask you about his arse.

0:47:240:47:27

Ask actually how high his arse is.

0:47:270:47:29

-Five foot.

-We know but you're not meant to say.

0:47:290:47:32

-Five foot high.

-They're always bothering us.

0:47:320:47:35

But if Coogan ever found out we'd revealed how high his arse was,

0:47:350:47:39

that would have been it for us. Finito.

0:47:390:47:41

'Also in the series, Steve played a gay emo rent boy

0:47:410:47:45

'who changed his name to Keanu Reeves.'

0:47:450:47:48

We're from pest control, mate.

0:47:480:47:50

Whose name is this flat in?

0:47:500:47:52

Paul.

0:47:520:47:53

Right. And what's Paul's second name?

0:47:530:47:56

Is it Molesley?

0:47:590:48:01

I don't know. I've never met him.

0:48:010:48:03

I think he's in Ibiza.

0:48:040:48:06

Right. Is there anyone else who can sign the paperwork?

0:48:060:48:09

Yeah, Mickey. But he's gone to Heaven.

0:48:090:48:12

He's died?

0:48:120:48:15

No, he's gone to Heaven - it's a club in town. He's not died!

0:48:150:48:19

He just don't look well.

0:48:210:48:23

Steve's a workaholic.

0:48:230:48:25

'When he's not making TV shows,

0:48:250:48:27

'touring or starring in movies,

0:48:270:48:30

'he keeps popping up all over the bloody telly.'

0:48:300:48:33

What were you doing over at Kev's?

0:48:330:48:35

Nothing.

0:48:350:48:37

-Are you having another ladder party without me?

-Come on.

0:48:370:48:40

At Kev's? Another ladder party without me again?

0:48:400:48:44

He doesn't like you, Jeff. You just talk about ladders.

0:48:440:48:48

It's a ladder party! You're meant to talk about ladders.

0:48:480:48:51

Not all the time.

0:48:510:48:53

I've got a new ladder, you know.

0:48:540:48:56

It's a good ladder.

0:48:560:48:58

Glass fibre. Trestle extension.

0:48:580:49:00

Round rungs, non-slip traction pads.

0:49:000:49:03

Spring-loaded locking mechanism. Heavy duty. It's a good ladder.

0:49:030:49:06

Give it a rest, Jeff.

0:49:060:49:08

How about I go get it?

0:49:080:49:10

No, Jeff, no.

0:49:100:49:11

Eh? He's going and all?

0:49:110:49:14

With that?!

0:49:140:49:15

It's a five-rung step! You can't even get those in Wickes!

0:49:150:49:19

Stop dissing my ladder!

0:49:190:49:21

I will diss your ladder. It's rubbish!

0:49:210:49:24

Sometimes he'd do something and you didn't know he'd done it if you weren't here.

0:49:240:49:28

He'd criticise you for not knowing that he hadn't done something when you thought he was.

0:49:280:49:33

How were you to know when you weren't here?

0:49:330:49:36

I think I want that one, the princess.

0:49:360:49:38

-The little princess amputee?

-How do you mean, amputee?

0:49:380:49:41

The right leg is amputated at the thigh.

0:49:410:49:45

Oh, she's got a leg missing.

0:49:450:49:47

Missing as a result of a near-fatal car accident.

0:49:470:49:50

Yes. But she went on to become a ski instructor and married royalty.

0:49:500:49:54

How's that for triumph over adversity?

0:49:540:49:57

Yeah. Um...

0:49:570:49:59

Trouble is, she's got a leg missing. You don't want a one-legged doll.

0:49:590:50:02

No? Oh. Boo-hoo!

0:50:020:50:05

I understand. Some people are uncomfortable around disability.

0:50:060:50:09

He'd ring me up during the night and say, "I've just done something.

0:50:100:50:14

But you didn't know if he'd done something

0:50:140:50:16

so he'd phone me up, Ken, and say, "Mr Coogan's done something."

0:50:160:50:20

-I'd say, "What did he do?" "I don't know!"

-What's he done?

0:50:200:50:24

"What you done? What you done?" And the phone would go down.

0:50:240:50:27

So you never knew. So we're left with this, "I think Coogan's done something".

0:50:270:50:33

Were we meant to be there?

0:50:330:50:35

-Have we missed the bus?

-He'd say, "I'm gonna do something this weekend."

0:50:350:50:39

He'd never tell you what it was.

0:50:390:50:41

He'd come in on Monday and say, "I did something at the weekend."

0:50:410:50:45

-"What did you do at the weekend?"

-"Never you mind.

0:50:450:50:48

-"Something."

-"Something you two don't know about."

0:50:480:50:51

When we asked him, he'd say, "Nothing."

0:50:510:50:54

-"What, you didn't do anything?

-"Nothing. Stared at the wall all weekend."

0:50:540:50:59

-He did not. He did something.

-He stared at something!

0:50:590:51:02

Something gorgeous.

0:51:020:51:03

It's well known that Steve likes to play with people's perceptions of him.

0:51:030:51:09

"Doesn't take risks."

0:51:100:51:12

What does he mean, "Doesn't take risks?"

0:51:120:51:15

"The first act dipped in the middle."

0:51:150:51:18

Did Pauline dip in the middle, Lynsey?

0:51:180:51:20

No. Well, there you go.

0:51:200:51:22

She's seen it 75 times. He's seen it once. Who's right?

0:51:220:51:25

How do you feel about a review like that?

0:51:250:51:28

You know, I actually feel a bit sorry for him.

0:51:280:51:31

Yeah. And the best thing is, I don't let it bother me.

0:51:310:51:35

-Because he is a

-BLEEP

0:51:350:51:39

BLEEP BLEEP

0:51:390:51:41

Steve's not good with audiences.

0:51:440:51:46

He don't get on with them. He don't like hecklers

0:51:460:51:49

and he don't like people.

0:51:490:51:51

So the live shows are very difficult for him but he does his best.

0:51:510:51:54

I just say to him, "Imagine they're all sitting there naked."

0:51:540:51:58

It's an age-old thing, but it makes a difference for Steve.

0:51:580:52:01

Otherwise he comes into the wings and he lashes out. I'm the one that takes the brunt.

0:52:010:52:06

I love it. I absolutely love it.

0:52:060:52:09

There's no-one here, of course.

0:52:100:52:12

But, by God, you can smell 'em!

0:52:120:52:14

For security, we always had to have the room next to Mr Coogan.

0:52:160:52:20

-Oh, you could hear the noise all night.

-Yeah.

0:52:200:52:22

He plays cartoons really loud.

0:52:220:52:25

-And making Dracula noises.

-Dracula noises, yeah.

0:52:250:52:28

And the adverts going, "Go compare!"

0:52:280:52:31

He likes to travel on the plane. He don't like me to travel on the plane.

0:52:310:52:35

So I get the train. If you're going out to the City of Angels, Los Angeles, it's a long way to go.

0:52:350:52:40

I take a packed lunch and three books

0:52:400:52:43

and I make my way on the train and I meet lots of lovely people.

0:52:430:52:46

He once brought a trampoline on tour with him.

0:52:460:52:49

He made us keep it in our room. It was 12-foot diameter.

0:52:490:52:53

-Do you remember that?

-No, I don't remember that.

0:52:530:52:56

-You bounced up and down on it all night.

-Oh, I did.

0:52:560:52:59

-It was a trampoline?

-It was his trampoline in our room.

-I thought it was a hat.

0:52:590:53:03

I often wonder what it must be like to sit right at the back in the gods.

0:53:030:53:06

See the show from there.

0:53:060:53:08

The one thing I'll never be able to do, of course.

0:53:090:53:12

Oh, to be anonymous!

0:53:130:53:15

It's odd how little he gets recognised. I was in Manchester with him, filming once,

0:53:150:53:20

and somebody ran up to me, saying,

0:53:200:53:24

"I hear you're filming here." I was standing next to Steve.

0:53:240:53:28

"You're filming here? Doing this film with Steve Coogan?"

0:53:280:53:32

I said, "Yeah, I am", looking at Steve.

0:53:320:53:36

And they said, "Can I get your autograph?"

0:53:360:53:39

And I'm like, "Well, yeah, but do you want Steve's autograph?"

0:53:390:53:44

And she said, "Steve who?"

0:53:440:53:45

I was like, "This is Steve Coogan here." She was like, "Yeah. Right!"

0:53:450:53:50

It's very important for me to know what people genuinely think of the show.

0:53:500:53:55

One of the advantages of being able to change my identity so convincingly

0:53:550:53:59

is that I'm able to mingle unnoticed with the public during the interval.

0:53:590:54:04

'He had various nicknames, The Coogan.'

0:54:040:54:07

Probably the most popular one was "The Eel" because of the electricity he created on stage.

0:54:070:54:13

Tre-mendous!

0:54:130:54:14

I used to call him "The Starling"

0:54:140:54:16

cos he was always coming down the chimney and thrashing about in my living room.

0:54:160:54:21

I can confirm that to be the truth.

0:54:210:54:23

I used to call him "The Gecko" cos he'd crawl up walls with his suction fingers.

0:54:230:54:28

People come to me, "Will Steve open a hospice?" "No, he won't."

0:54:280:54:32

He won't open a can of beans. He won't open the toothpaste.

0:54:320:54:35

If I don't open the toothpaste, he don't clean his teeth.

0:54:350:54:38

I've told him. Three times a day I tell him that.

0:54:380:54:41

That's why he had them shaved down, cos they were rotten.

0:54:410:54:44

When I saw the Manchester Palace Theatre show,

0:54:440:54:47

I saw it two nights consecutively,

0:54:470:54:49

and I remember watching him on stage,

0:54:490:54:52

and that was the point at which I decided I do want to stay and do this course.

0:54:520:54:57

I do want to be an actor. I do want to go into comedy.

0:54:570:55:00

That was it. I can kind of attribute me pursuing my career

0:55:000:55:05

to that show and seeing him live.

0:55:050:55:08

Who am I?

0:55:080:55:10

I'm Alan Partridge.

0:55:100:55:13

Another way to ask that question is, "Who is Alan Partridge?"

0:55:130:55:17

Answer: "I am."

0:55:170:55:19

-Are you Alan Partridge?

-No.

-No.

0:55:190:55:22

Are you Alan Partridge? No.

0:55:220:55:25

Chap over there who looks like a gypsy. Are you Alan Partridge? No.

0:55:250:55:28

Clearly not.

0:55:280:55:30

You couldn't host a thrice-weekly prime time chat show.

0:55:300:55:34

I couldn't dump a burnt mattress in someone's back garden.

0:55:340:55:38

The first night, during the Partridge bit,

0:55:380:55:40

he does a whole bit about a goldfish and there's a projection of a goldfish.

0:55:400:55:45

He asks the audience to shout out the unique qualities of a goldfish.

0:55:450:55:49

Obviously he'd got a load of material in his backlog

0:55:490:55:54

for whatever aspect of a goldfish somebody might call out.

0:55:540:55:57

-Fins!

-Fins, good.

0:55:580:56:01

A guidance system. A piscine keel

0:56:010:56:04

based on a yacht. Which came first, the fish or the yacht? Interesting.

0:56:040:56:08

We don't have time to answer that tonight.

0:56:080:56:11

Well, it's the fish, isn't it?

0:56:110:56:13

One idiot shouted out "gravel".

0:56:130:56:15

Which doesn't work, there was just some gravel in the picture.

0:56:150:56:19

However, it got a big laugh cos it was so irreverent.

0:56:190:56:22

And the second night, knowing it was being filmed, I decided to shout something out,

0:56:220:56:28

knowing that he would have something to respond to.

0:56:280:56:31

When you watch the video, the person who shouts gravel is me.

0:56:310:56:34

So there you go.

0:56:350:56:37

Any other properties of a fish?

0:56:370:56:39

-Gravel!

-Gravel?

0:56:400:56:42

OK.

0:56:450:56:46

Hang on. Hang on.

0:56:460:56:48

I can deal with this. You've thrown down the gauntlet, haven't you?

0:56:480:56:51

I'm going to pick it up.

0:56:510:56:53

Because you clearly, by shouting "gravel" are trying to be anarchic.

0:56:540:57:00

Perhaps you're a member of Chumbly-Wumbly.

0:57:020:57:04

Men in skirts? Doesn't frighten me.

0:57:060:57:08

Although were you to wear a skirt,

0:57:090:57:11

I suspect the reason you'd be wearing one is cos you'd like to wear one!

0:57:110:57:15

In British television, few comics can rival Steve Coogan's mastery

0:57:160:57:21

of such a wide range of characters.

0:57:210:57:24

In his career, he's challenged himself to invent and surprise

0:57:240:57:28

again and again.

0:57:280:57:30

He's given us characters that are grotesque,

0:57:300:57:33

often flawed, damaged,

0:57:330:57:35

but all of them memorable.

0:57:350:57:37

Many of them well-loved.

0:57:370:57:39

Who knows who he'll be next?

0:57:430:57:45

Steve is now in Hollywood. He's living every British comedian's dream,

0:57:480:57:54

playing small parts in big movies

0:57:540:57:58

and it doesn't get much better than that.

0:57:580:58:00

The funny characters is only the half of what he's capable of.

0:58:000:58:05

I think for the future we're going to see a lot more of him,

0:58:050:58:08

more mature work with multi layers.

0:58:080:58:11

-I think that's right.

-Right.

0:58:110:58:14

That's right, Peggy?

0:58:140:58:16

Come here. Come here.

0:58:160:58:18

I've got a girlfriend!

0:58:220:58:25

-I've got a wife.

-I she older or younger than you?

0:58:260:58:29

If you must know, she's older than me. She's 52.

0:58:290:58:32

My girlfriend's 33.

0:58:320:58:34

I'm 47. She's 14 years younger than me.

0:58:340:58:38

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0:58:380:58:40

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0:58:540:58:58

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