Episode 5 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Mr T is on a special mission. He's been searching far and wide

Assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

People who dare to do things differently.

People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"

He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

He's found the World's Craziest Fools!

Welcome to my show.

Today we got fools from all over the world. That's right, no-one's safe.

You think you're safe in Poland? Wrong!

You think you're in Canada? Incorrect.

You think you're safe in Scotland? Yeah, I'm talking to you, hiding up there in John O'Groats!

Wait till you see what's coming. First, have a look at this!

Working behind a desk can be satisfying and rewarding.

There can also be some slow days.

Thankfully every office has at least one crazy fool to liven things up.

Here's a computer guy fiddling with some computers.

GLASS SMASHING

That's it, sucker, you show those machines who's boss.

See if they try and break on you again.

Just another day at the office. Sales at this company are going through the roof.

Unfortunately the sandwich guy is coming down through the ceiling.

Good work, soldier!

Here's a couple of guys playing football.

Only they ain't playing football.

Football is when you put on a helmet and charge into someone.

This is soccer, or lacrosse, or something.

Whatever it is, they just turned their pitch into a swimming pool.

I want 50 lengths by the end of the show.

Here's a guy who's going home for the day.

I think we just found out who leaves the kitchen in a mess.

I'm Evel Knievel!

A bike in the office?!

This is a major violation of health and safety regulations.

Now get another one. I want to see you two race.

Check out this next guy. Bored at work.

He decides to blow off a few minutes spinning around in his chair.

He keeps spinning till he feels bad.

Real bad!

You better clean that up, and clean up your attitude while you at it.

This pen pusher got a little too much time on his hands.

Someone needs to give him some files to alphabetise.

This footage is gonna come in handy when he has his office appraisal.

Now look at what he's done!

This is what happens when you don't have enough files to alphabetise.

Have a look at these guys.

They're on their way home from an office party in New York

when they decide to start horsing around.

This statue cost 2,000 to fix.

You do the crime, you pay the dime.

Now watch this.

I hope you're gonna pay for that, fool, or at least make some sort of contribution.

Being a fool isn't just nine to five.

It's 24/7. Wrap your ears around this call to a supermarket in Wales.

What the heck is Wales?

I think he handled that pretty well, don't you?

It ain't easy dealing with someone dumb on the phone.

Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh about it.

HE LAUGHS

Aargh!

Aaargh!

Aagh!

Oh, BLEEP.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh BLEEP!

Aagh!

Oh, my God!

Don't worry, he's OK.

SHE SCREAMS

Take a look at this.

What do you see?

A harmless glass of water, right? Wrong.

Water's one of the most dangerous substances known to man.

It's mean, it's ruthless,

it makes fools of us all. Here's the evidence.

This boat thinks it can make it under the bridge.

It can't.

This captain is smart. Now he's only got half the boat to look after.

He just made his job much easier.

Argentina, and this fool's about to launch

his brand new 2m yacht.

Congratulations.

You are now the proud owner of a submarine.

Error!

This helicopter in Italy is trying to help a boat that has broken down.

These guys are showing solidarity.

You were in trouble, now we're in trouble, too.

Let's all be in trouble together.

The Netherlands. Here's a guy trying a new approach to boat launching.

Next time, stick to the basics.

Boats are for water, not land.

If you want a big vehicle for land, buy a monster truck.

Now take a look at these fools.

That did not work out according to plan.

At least, I hope it didn't. If that was the plan, it was a bad plan.

Ferry crossing can be dull, but this company has livened things up a bit

by not screwing down their furniture.

If this is likely to happen, I would advise finding a different to travel from A to B.

I would also consider how much I wanted to get to B in the first place,

and maybe think about staying in A.

Can what you want to do in B be done in A remotely?

If so, A looks like a pretty good place to remain in.

Next up, this happens.

Take care when docking your boat.

If you're not sure what land is, it's the brown stuff that comes after the blue stuff.

Nova Scotia.

This ferry is pulling away from the harbour,

but somebody forgot to untie the rope to the truck!

Fool!

SEAGULLS CAW

Even the seagulls are laughing.

You know things are bad when nature is mocking you.

This is Allanburg Bridge in Canada.

What does the P stand for?

Please don't crash me into a bridge.

Too late, sucker.

Don't worry, everyone's OK.

Being on a boat can bring out the fool in you.

Sometimes it can bring out the fool in you

before you even made it to the sea. Listen to this!

On Lake Isabella in California, a woman appeared to be having problems with her new boat.

Having launched it into the water, she found the 22-foot yacht sluggish and difficult to manoeuvre.

No matter how much throttle she applied, it just wouldn't go any faster.

Seeing her having trouble, one of the marina workers offered to jump

into the water and check the underside of her boat.

When he resurfaced, he almost choked because he was laughing so hard.

Under the boat, strapped securely in place, was the woman's car.

She had forgotten to unattach the trailer.

There are lots of things that can go wrong on a boat.

Five tips on how to be a good sailor coming at you now.

Number one, be careful when launching your boat.

If you find a halibut down your trousers, you've probably done something wrong.

Number two, be sure to wear the correct clothing.

This may look like a harmless bit of fun,

but he won't be smiling when that speed boat takes off.

Number three, always make sure that your boat is in fact a boat,

and not a car.

If it's got furry dice, an A-Z and a tin of cough drops

in the glove compartment, you've probably boarded the wrong vessel.

Number four, brush up on your navigation skills.

If you find yourself outside a branch of the Post Office,

you're probably lost.

Number five, be careful who you invite on board.

If you see Ann Widdecombe's name on the passenger list, make sure she's sitting in the middle.

There's only one way to really be safe and stay on dry land.

Remember, people, stay afloat, avoid the boat.

Everyone needs to refuel from time to time.

Me, I like to fill up on bananas and tasty protein shakes.

If you're a car, you're gonna need petrol.

That means going to a petrol station. Check this out.

Here's a guy who got a great new way to save money on petrol.

Leave the handbrake off your car.

No car, no petrol.

I call that a win.

This German lady has parked her car on the wrong side. Now she's trying to wrestle the hose around.

I used to be a wrestler, and I've got to tell you, this lady has invented some powerful new moves.

By the way, if you don't know that I used to be a wrestler, check out my muscles when the camera pulls back.

They are pretty insane.

Ever wondered what happened when you press the red button marked "Fire" at a petrol station?

This lady just pressed the button by mistake and solved the mystery.

Here's a guy minding his own business

when a tyre comes from nowhere and knocks him off his feet.

A lesson here, always be vigilant.

You never know where attack is coming from.

Here's a guy who drives away from the petrol pump with the nozzle still attached.

Next time he visits a gas station, he'll save time by bringing his own hose.

A gas station shop. Keep your eye on the lady who just paid for her gas.

The guy behind the counter must've said "come again soon", because here she comes.

Maybe she forgot her change, or she wanted to buy a protein shake.

Those things are tasty, but they make you do crazy stuff.

OK, you've seen some clips of craziness at petrol stations,

now listen to this real life story from Slovakia.

If you don't know where Slovakia is, pay more attention in school.

A 30-year-old Slovakian man was driving when he realised his fuel gauge was broken.

Passing a service station, he decided to stop to be on the safe side.

He than realised he had no way of knowing whether he needed any petrol...

it was just too dark to see inside the tank.

That's when he came up with the genius idea of using a cigarette lighter to illuminate the gloom.

To the man's surprise, the fuel tank ignited and the car blew up.

The blast demolished most of the petrol station, but luckily

nobody was hurt and the man escaped with minor burns.

He has been charged with endangering public safety.

All these dumb suckers, going to petrol stations.

I got to say, I pity the fuel.

HE LAUGHS

You best be laughing at my jokes.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I'd love to be a crane driver."

I suggest you abandon that dream right now, cos you never ever gonna be as entertaining as these people.

This is footage from a street in Egypt.

A crane is trying to lift a steam roller.

Lifting is when things go upward.

This is called dropping. Dropping is more of a downward manoeuvre.

I don't advise it.

Boom!

Here's another crane, knocking a building down.

This was this guy's first day on the job.

It also was his last.

You are looking at a crane lifting a slightly smaller crane.

Now you're looking at two broken cranes.

If the goal here was to destroy all the vehicles in the yard,

then this crane driver succeeded outstandingly.

The United States of Portugal.

These guys are lifting their truck down by the docks.

Perfect. That's exactly where I wanted it.

Let's call that lunch.

Here's a crane lifting some boxes.

Again, this is more of a dropping vibe than a lifting vibe.

Why are people finding this so difficult?

Ohio. This smokestack is about to be demolished.

EXPLOSION

Wrong way.

No!

Get out of here! Get out of here!

As you can tell, it was supposed to fall the other way,

but where's the fun in that?

Don't worry, everyone's OK.

This has been a educational day for those school children, and an exciting adventure.

It's an edu-venture. I like that new word.

Help me spread it.

The foreman in the portaloo is about to get a nasty shock.

Poor sucker. Someone needs to give this guy a hug, and then take a really long shower.

Tucson, Arizona. They're laying the foundations for a new block of flats.

Looks like the driver is the first guy to be moving in.

So how do you like your new apartment?

It's nice and roomy, but the view sucks.

The world is fast and furious.

It's hard to keep up with all the latest gadgets, like laptops and mobile phones and time machines.

For those of you who struggle, here's some rules for technology fools.

Rule number one, don't confuse a microphone with a mobile phone.

SPEECH INAUDIBLE

SPEECH INAUDIBLE

Rule number two, don't confuse a microphone with a pepper grinder.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do you do this?

What is this?

It's a microphone.

-What?

-Microphone.

SHE LAUGHS

I thought this was pepper.

Rule number three, never trust your sat-nav on your mobile phone.

This lady did and now she's in a fountain.

Rule number four... don't do this.

BLEEP!

Boom!

Rule number five, be careful when using an escalator.

Make sure you know which end is the entrance, and which end is the exit.

LAUGHTER

Oh, my God!

Fantastic!

-Are you getting that?

-I've got it.

LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Only in Glasgow!

He must think this is the biggest stairs in the world.

Now take a listen to this phone call.

PHONE RINGS

'Please leave a message after the tone.'

That's the end of the show. Some of you are going to off your TVs and go to bed because you're good people

and you appreciate the benefit of an early night.

But before you do, here's my final thought.

Whatever you do, make sure you've got a plan.

If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail.

See you next time. So long, suckers.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd