Beti and David: Lost for Words

Could I have some level, please, Beti?

Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six...

SHE SPEAKS IN WELSH

-Is that OK?

-That's lovely, thank you.

This building has played a massive part in my life,

and in David's life.

This is the place where David and I met.

And I've been doing this programme of mine, Beti a'i Phobol,

on Radio Cymru for over 30 years.

David, of course, was a journalist, he worked on the news programmes,

he presented Wales Today, and countless rugby programmes.

And a week ago, Morris was not enjoying

a very good afternoon down in the south-west, at Cornwall.

It's amazing how many people still remember him as

"David Parry-Jones, the voice of rugby in Wales."

Bated breath.

The crossbar!

There's the try!

Roy Burgess is the happy man.

He gets the score up and running after just two minutes of the game.

Roy Thomas does his stuff...

One day, we happened to be watching

the historic game between Llanelli and the All Blacks.

And he was doing the commentary.

History has been made at Stradey Park...

So, I said to him, "Do you recognise that voice?"

And he thought, and he listened.

"No," he said, "But he sounds posh."

Oi.

Everything came to a head when we were at a friend's birthday party.

And I was in another room and he, as usual, used to entertain guests

with his joke telling,

and somebody came to me and said, "David is very upset."

I said, "Why?"

"He's forgotten the punchline of a joke."

David, David, David, David, David!

'He really was distraught.

'And he said, "What's happening to me?

' "What is happening to this brain of mine?" '

On your face now.

THEY CHUCKLE

If I wasn't here, of course he'd be in a care home.

SHE SIGHS

Can I do that?

And really, I can't see him in a care home.

My background was very Welsh, from the West, from West Wales,

and my father was a weaver.

David is a Cardiffian, although he was born in Pontypridd.

He was ever so kind and he was ever so...sort of gentle, really.

'He was very handsome. SHE LAUGHS

'Very handsome.

'But it was more than that.'

Where is it hurting? Is it hurting there?

-Yeah.

-Yeah? I can feel it.

-I can feel it.

-Can you?

'I think it was his sort of gentleness, really...''

'His life was words.'

Phil Bennett, yeah.

Murray...fiel...

He has notebooks now from his childhood days.

Try 5-5.

And he was obviously interested in writing about sport then.

Bobby Windsor...

-Ron.

-Ron.

-Ronaldo.

'It's been since 2009 now that he was diagnosed.'

Rrr-onaldo.

'People would come to this house and, "How are you, David?" '

They're very sad, they're very sad.

' And he would say, "Oh, I don't know,

' "they tell me I've got this Alzheimer's, whatever that means, I don't know."

'So he never admitted to having Alzheimer's.'

THEY SING IN WELSH

'I feel with people of my and David's generation,

'very few of us are actually in the position to be able to complain.

'So I feel that I'm giving the voice to these people

'who can't otherwise be heard.'

We're all together. Together, stronger.

'I think if change is going to happen,

'then you've got to start with medical students,

'and I think it's so important to get the message over to them.'

-Hello, Beti.

-Hello, Tony.

-Good of you to come.

Oh, well... Yes, I'm looking forward to it, really.

-The students are ready.

-How many?

-About 24.

-Oh.

-As many as that?

-Big number. Yeah. They're all ready and waiting.

-OK.

Bore da.

Has it been a good week for you?

Has it?

It's been quite a shitty one for me, to be honest,

emotionally and physically.

Let me first introduce you to David, my partner of over 40 years.

David's life and work had been words, a journalist.

He started on The Times,

before joining the BBC to work in television,

as a presenter, a newscaster and a rugby commentator.

Let me give you a commentary on the happening of one challenging day.

After lunch, he goes off to the toilet. In a while, he comes back

and presents me with a gift that I don't much appreciate.

A handful of faeces. I go berserk.

Which doesn't help at all, I know, but I manage to steer him

back to drop it in the toilet, and again I give him a lecture.

Yes, that's the horrible nature of the disease.

He enjoys our home and the freedom he has to wander around

what is familiar to him, and he does appreciate what I do for him.

He woke up one morning with pain, and distress in his eyes.

A fleeting moment of realising

that this disease had robbed him of normality.

I gave him a hug and he said clearly, "Thank God for you."

Caring for a loved one or caring as a matter of duty, either way,

to thousands, it's a hard, relentless, lonely slog.

There really needs to be, I think, a revolution in dementia care,

and I'd love to see you taking part in that revolution.

Or even starting it. Diolch yn fawr.

APPLAUSE

Medical students have a lot thrown at them

and most of it goes in one ear and out the other.

Interestingly, you speaking to them is one of the things that

they remember. Hopefully it has an impact that is going to

change their practice when they qualify.

My idea of this unit dedicated to dementia,

linked to every health board or whatever, would it work?

There should be a one-stop shop, and it's whoever...

That's where the buck stops. Maybe they don't sort it out themselves,

but they have to know a man who does.

David went to Oxford, he went to Merton.

And if you ask him now about Merton,

he gets very, very excited, and if anybody comes to the house

who's been to Oxford, he or she is accepted.

It's very important to him, Oxford.

Tony Marland is one of David's greatest friends.

They were at Oxford together and although he lives in London

he does come to Cardiff and visits him as often as he can.

But he hasn't seen him for a while.

Oh, oh! There he is.

-Shall I go through?

-Yes, go on.

-I'll go on my own.

He's fast asleep!

-Hey!

-Oi!

-Come on, waken up, man!

BETI LAUGHS

I haven't come to see a sleeping corpse!

Hey...

How are you, fella?

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

-You're looking good.

DAVID CHUCKLES

DAVID SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

Come on, you're better than that. Come on, sit up properly.

-Hey, there he is.

-There's the guy.

-There's the guy.

I've come 150 miles to see you, I don't want to find you asleep!

DAVID SPEAKS

DAVID SINGS

I don't recognise the music.

I'm shocked.

As I say, I saw him 15 months ago,

and he was not well then,

but I suppose...

It's just terrific regret, really.

Medicine only seems to take us so far.

It obviously couldn't do more than it has done for David.

He was a good sportsman, he was elected captain of cricket,

he nearly got a Blue in rugby - not quite, but just unlucky, really.

As captain of cricket in our third year, he had a loyal team,

and no-one questioned that he was the right man for the job.

He was popular because he could make people laugh.

We used to have a...call it a debating society,

but it was an opportunity for people to stand up and make jokes, really,

and David was very good at that.

If you knew David Parry-Jones was on the agenda,

then you'd turn up and listen.

That's Mob Quad. That's where you used to throw parties.

There was lots of beer.

THEY CHUCKLE

Hey, I met an old mate of yours the other day.

Bough.

-Bough?

-Yeah.

DAVID SPEAKS

Yeah. We had a nice session with Frank.

He's got a Welsh wife too. His wife's Welsh. Yeah, great guy.

-He got his Blue at Oxford as well.

-He got his Blue, yeah.

-What for?

-For football.

-Football.

Do you remember Gordon Whittle?

Whittle.

Whittle.

Wyndham Williams! Wyndham Williams, yes...

Lunch is ready, so you can...

Come on, David. I'll give you a hand in.

Come on. I've never seen you so slow going for food before. Come on.

DAVID SPEAKS

-Oh, do you want to go to the toilet, I wonder?

-Eh?

-Do you want to go to the toilet?

-Yeah.

-You want to go to the toilet?

-Yes, definitely.

You would, wouldn't you? Always the same.

Quickly now, because we've got lunch.

'Caring for David is tiring and relentless, but it's not a burden.

'The only thing that gets me down is the toileting issue.'

'And I feel, if there was more support,

'that life would be that much easier.'

There you are.

There you go. That should keep you going for a bit.

-You'll be entitled to have a snooze in the sun after that.

-A snooze.

A snooze. Well, you were fast asleep when I came.

This looks fine, Beti.

-Tony, help yourself to some wine.

-Right. What about yourself?

Oh, I'll manage.

'Never, ever talked about growing old.'

'Because some people, of course, they worry about getting old,

'but he didn't. Well, he didn't talk about it.'

Come on, then.

Come on.

Oof!

I'm not tickling you!

'What we were interested in

'was what we were going to do when neither of us worked.

'We would be travelling, we'd be going abroad to concerts

'and we'd do all manner of things, didn't we?

'But that's never happened.'

SHOWER RUNS

'I've seen the struggle.'

Yeah. Go on, then. It's lovely and warm in there.

'And how people are totally ignored,

'as if, "Right, you're diagnosed,

' "you have Alzheimer's, go home and cope."

'And it's not right.'

OK.

'Politicians, who'd be a politician, I know, but they seem to think

' "Oh, right, this dementia thing is getting out of control." '

Good.

' "So let's just forget about it.

' "Let's just leave it to the next generation to cope with." '

DAVID SPEAKS

-OK? Is that OK?

-Hmm?

-All right?

-Uh-huh.

-So, I'm off to the hairdresser to have my hair cut.

-Mmm!

-OK?

-Mmm.

-Good. I'll see you when I get back, then. All right?

-Yeah.

-OK.

TRANSLATED FROM WELSH:

Right. Not a good start to the morning.

Mmm.

DAVID SPEAKS All right, sweetheart?

THEY KISS

What? What's happened there then, David bach?

-What?

-What happened there?

Where?

Horrible.

DAVID SPEAKS

All right. Come on. Let's take them off.

-All right?

-Yeah.

Come on. Come on, sweetheart.

Wait a minute.

-Yeah, let's change it, shall we?

-Change it.

-Shall we change it?

-Yeah.

There are three houses - two huge ones and ours is a little one,

with a lot of vans outside because we're having a new bathroom.

It's a very big day today.

A social worker is coming for the first time -

this particular social worker is coming.

It's mainly to do with the support that we have already.

Supposed to be eight hours a week.

Hello?

'So, I'll have a lot of questions.

'She probably will have a lot of questions to ask me,

'but certainly I will have a lot of questions to ask her.'

Miss George?

-Hello?

-Hello.

Carolyn here. Can I come in?

-Nice to meet you. I'm Carolyn.

-And you.

-Look at it. The mess!

-Chaotic.

Who do you...?

-Who do I work for?

-Huh?

-She works for the Cardiff County Council.

-Yeah.

-Oh, great.

I'm just coming to make sure

if you need any help or support, we'll do that.

DAVID GROANS, BETI CHUCKLES

-Do you need any help?

-No.

There we go, then. I've got an easy job!

CAROLYN CHUCKLES

Today, I've already got two pairs of trousers to wash today.

The thing is, he's not incontinent,

it's just that he forgets the mechanics.

I have now succeeded to have him to sit down on the toilet,

-because he wouldn't do that...

-Makes it easier.

-Yeah.

But even then, he doesn't want to take his trousers or his pants off.

He just wants to sit down, and then when I go like this, "Oh!"

He objects and he shouts and he hits out, I mean, not nastily.

-Just interfering with his routine.

-Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Because he's always done it standing up, hasn't he?

Of course you can feel for him, you know.

I mean, I was interested to see

and surprised to see that the care package was only eight hours.

-Yeah.

-It seems to me that he's having a lot more care than eight hours.

-Because you're doing it.

-I'm doing it. Yeah.

What would your ideal be? Let's see how close we can get to it.

What I'd like is what is what is written down here,

that is the caring that I'm giving him. Right?

If I'm away for a day. This is perfect what is listed here.

That is. It's meant to be like that.

It's meant to be the perfect, ideal standard of what we want to have.

-You don't always meet that totally, but that's our aim.

-Yes.

That's what we want - those needs to be met.

We'll have a cup of tea in a minute, now.

I'm probably a bit of a control freak.

Standards are high, I suppose.

A bit finicky.

Maybe too finicky, and expect too much of other people, you know.

-You went to The Oval, didn't you, schoolboy?

-Yeah.

-Schoolboy cricket.

Can't remember, did you win?

-Do you remember?

-I don't know.

'There was no need for a dictionary in this house.

'If I had to write anything in English, I'd always pass it to him.

'And this is where I first noticed that there was something going wrong

'because usually they'd come back all red marks, you know,

'and he would have corrected everything.

'And then suddenly I saw that they weren't coming back with red marks.

'And he said to me, "Oh, no, no, your English has improved so much."

'But I noticed then that there was something amiss.'

DAVID SPEAKS

Do you want me to take it?

You want me to take it?

'His mobility is causing concern.

'Bones are rubbing against each other

'because they click all the time.

'And he cries in pain sometimes. And I feel for him.'

-Hey, do you know who's coming this afternoon?

-Eh?

Somebody's coming this afternoon to cut your hair. I've just remembered.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Jane, her name is.

-Good.

DOORBELL Oh, Jane is there.

-Hi! How's he doing today?

-Well, I think he's willing.

I've got the chair.

Sit down now.

Where are you going? David...

Where's he going?

You're going over here, now come this way.

-There you go, you're nearly there. Go on, then.

-Wahey!

-That's it.

-You cheeky...

-Who's cheeky?

I'm not cheeky.

-Same as usual?

-Yes.

-OK.

He's being good. Quiet.

Beti? Busy?

Yeah. I'm just trying to make a note of these things,

which can easily be forgotten,

you know, phone calls and phone numbers and so on.

Yeah, lovely cut.

-OK?

-Yes.

-Smarty pants.

BETI CHUCKLES

You've only got to have one hair

and you'll be itching for the rest of the day.

OK?

Do you want to go back in the lounge?

It's all go.

Have you been? To The Arms Park?

'When he wants to tell me something now,

'sometimes it comes out, clearly.'

DAVID SPEAKS AND LAUGHS

'But other times it's, "Da-da-da-da-da,"

'and he looks at me.'

He's a great, great guy.

'And he's very animated.

'And there'd be one word

'and I must admit I have to pretend that I understand him.'

DAVID SPEAKS

..heart of the rugby.

'And I agree with him, always, which is totally different from the past.

'We had our disagreements. Very much so.'

Oh!

'About a year ago,

'we had a crisis here because David had a urinary tract infection.

'And I didn't know who to turn to.

'So I turned to the Twitter community.

'And oh, the blogs, I learned so, so much from the blogs

'written by people with far more experience than I have.

'And one of them was Ming Ho.' Good.

DOORBELL

-Beti!

-Ming!

-Hello! At last.

How lovely to meet you in real life.

-I feel I've known you for years and years.

-It's strange, isn't it?

You get to know people online and at last, here we are, we both exist.

-Come in.

-Thank you.

-As you can see...

-You're having building work done.

We're having a bathroom. So that it's easier for David,

we're going to have a wet room.

We have a visitor, David.

-So this is Ming.

-Ming?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

I got to know Beti on the internet. We've been chatting.

-Ming is a Chinese name, isn't it?

-Oh, is it?

Yes, a Chinese name, but my mum's Welsh.

DAVID SINGS

DAVID SPEAKS

What's this mood you're in? Eh?

What is this mood you're in?

Nice to sing...

We'll have lunch together.

Oh, come in.

You sit there until we have lunch.

'Ming and her mother were very, very, very close.

'Her mother developed dementia. So Ming cared for her.'

This is one of my favourites.

This is Beaumaris Castle, 1976.

It was that really hot summer, baking. My dad took this photo.

We were just there for the day.

But I just love it because we look so happy and carefree.

I think we both look like we're fully our own selves there

and we love each other, and our little dog...

Exactly. You can see the closeness between you. It stands out, really.

Yeah. And, I mean, to me, that's us.

And that's what I find really sad now,

-is I don't have that sense of us any more.

-No.

I mean, can she sometimes now be...antagonistic towards you?

She can sometimes, yeah. It just depends what kind of mood she's in.

Again, people have all sorts of different symptoms with dementia.

Unfortunately, in her case,

one of the most prominent is paranoid symptoms.

Sometimes if she thinks that I'm not who I am - even if she thinks that

I am a person called Ming, sometimes she thinks that I'm an impostor.

What I'm trying to face up to now is how can I give her the best

last few years, months, weeks, days,

er, so that I remember that kindly for both of us?

I'm going to the bathroom, to the new bathroom.

I would put them that way, on this.

Like that, horizontally, like, on there.

-There.

-On there.

Is that right? We can always take them back off.

I showed him the bathroom and his eyes went...

So we'll see.

I mean, one thing that I feel very strongly about is this division

between the health and social services.

I mean, there shouldn't be.

People come from all different organisations.

I've no idea who they are, where they've come from.

I mean, they must duplicate things, which costs more.

-Yes, yes.

-I mean, it would be much, much better

if they refined everything and sort of made it into a dementia unit,

so somebody like me could ring up

and knowing full well that I'd get a response.

Now, if anything happened here, if there was a crisis,

a real crisis, I've no idea who I'm supposed to ring.

Another thing that is interesting is how people, they say, "How's David?

"How is he? How is he?

"Does he recognise you? Does he do this and that?"

I think, of course he does, at the moment.

But very rarely do they ask, "How are you? How are you coping?"

Until people actually experience it first-hand,

I don't think they appreciate quite how devastating it can be

to the whole family, not just the person themselves dealing with it.

'One of the first things that people told me, the experts who had been

'dealing with dementia, what they said, "Look after yourself." '

'I'm just about coping.

'Sometimes it gets me down, and sometimes I think to myself,

' "Oh, I'm losing grip here."

'And then, what saves me is my work.

'That... Yes, that really is the saving grace, as it were.'

'A lot of my days are filled with

'preparation work for my weekly programme on Radio Cymru.

'It seems such a release, going out

and concentrating on something else.

'I tell people very often, "That's my holiday, that's my respite." '

SINGING IN WELSH

SINGING IN WELSH

SHE SPEAKS IN WELSH

Every evening, we've got different guests coming in,

and most probably this evening we've got, I think, about ten guests.

She meets the contributors and chats with them,

makes them sort of feel at ease, because it is a live programme.

She has told me today that things are not good back at home.

She didn't tell me first thing this morning,

which is typical, really, of Beti, because life goes on,

and she's so professional, and she's here to do her job.

'I love working at the Eisteddfod.

'It's a week of recharging the Welsh batteries,

'and you have everybody here. You don't have to go and ring people

'or try to find people because the Welsh speakers are all here.'

CHOIR SINGS

Oh!

'When I'm away, the biggest part of me thinks of David,

' "How is he getting on?

'This time, family are looking after him, and thank goodness for them,

'or else I don't know what I'd have done without them.

'Sian, his daughter, and then John, his son, and then Iestyn, my son.'

'My case is no different from other carers.

'We do have to rely on family members, and without those,

'I don't know what I'd have done.'

'Of course, David has been on my mind every day -

'well, it's not every day, it's every minute of the day, I suppose -

'but I still wonder whether he misses me.'

'I'm going back tomorrow night.

'It will be interesting.

'I mean, I hope he will remember me. I think he will.

I'm sure he will. I'll give him a great big cutch anyway.

'So, we'll see.'

CLOCK TICKING

Can you do that, then?

No, I can't.

Right, up you get, then.

DAVID GROANS

All your money is there, though.

THEY CHUCKLE

Oh, don't hurt yourself, because we've got to cut those nails.

Look at them.

DAVID SPEAKS There you are.

Good.

Good.

Perfect.

There you are, smart.

Smart!

DAVID SPEAKS Smart.

Come on, then.

BETI CHUCKLES

'I'm very curious to know what's happening in other parts of the UK.

'What are they doing, and what can we learn from them?'

Hello, Margaret. It's nice to speak to you. So, introduce yourself.

My name's Margaret Brown,

I'm a senior lecturer at the University of the West of Scotland,

in the Alzheimer Centre for Policy and Practice.

-Huge title!

-Yeah.

And there's a lot of innovation going on in your department?

I think generally in Scotland we're doing really well.

-Of course I'll be visiting you, won't I?

-Yes.

SHE LAUGHS

And I'm wondering what's going to happen.

Well, what we do is use a variety of equipment.

Very low-key equipment.

Things like glasses that change the way you can see things,

sound systems, we use gloves, we use weights,

and what it does is impair your senses.

What that does then is creates a sense of vulnerability

because you can no longer function in the same way you normally do.

Does that make sense?

Yes, in fact, it would be like...

putting myself in David's shoes, really.

Yes, I think that's exactly what we would call it.

One of our research programmes was called Walk In My Shoes.

That's what we're really trying to do,

just see the world from a different perspective.

But we're very careful with it,

because what we did find is it can be quite an emotional experience.

So we do quite a lot of preparation

and we do a very intensive debrief afterwards.

Well, Margaret, I'm looking forward very, very much to meeting you.

I will see you soon.

-Thank you.

-Take care.

-Bye for now.

'When the social worker came to see us,

'she decided in the end to give us 36 hours of care.

'The difficulty was then to find carers.

'They're in such short supply.'

David, I brought Max along today for company. OK? Keep us company.

'We found two carers, Paul, who's been brilliant,

'and then there was another one who was with us for a few months,

'and then she decided that she could no longer care for David,

'and this is the problem, is the inconsistency of the service.

'Until they pay them a decent wage, the problem will never go away.'

'Paul has so much patience.

'He astonishes me, because, I mean, David can be difficult.'

It's been taking me an hour to get him

-from the bathroom to the kitchen.

-How long?

-An hour.

Normally it's about 20 minutes.

We're going to have to put skates on you, I think.

'Oh, he's marvellous with him, and they're mates.'

Yeah, it took me three hours one night to get him to bed.

I've come to Scotland because I've heard that you're doing

some marvellous things with dementia care in Scotland

and that you're far ahead - well, this is the impression I have -

that you're far ahead of us in Wales.

People with dementia and their families

have been at the heart of driving forward the change.

You know, they were at the heart of writing the charter of rights

and the other political parties came on board, and it's meant that

we have had to look at real fundamentals, like,

"I have a right to a diagnosis,

"I have the right to be treated like an individual."

It's a world first, it says here.

It's a world first, in terms of it gives people an absolute commitment

that they have the right to have the support of an informed link worker.

Sometimes it's link workers employed by Alzheimer Scotland,

and sometimes it's local community mental health teams.

And the nurses on the community mental health teams

do a great deal of that link worker role.

So that referral would go to the team,

and that person would be contacted, they would be assessed,

discussed, collaborated with,

and then asked what they wanted in terms of that year.

So then it's up to the person, what they want from the team.

'A link worker is assigned to a family

'as soon as the diagnosis is made,

'and really holding the hand of...

'the one with dementia and the family.

'The carer.'

-Janice, you're the link worker.

-Yes.

-Linked to Helen?

-I think when Helen's husband went along

to the memory clinic to get his diagnosis,

post diagnostic support

would have been discussed with Helen and her husband.

That's my role, to pick it up when people have been diagnosed

and almost guide them through the one year following their diagnosis.

Because Helen's husband was in denial about the diagnosis,

I haven't met him.

So rather than not provide any support,

the support is getting provided to Helen

in order for her to build up resilience and peer support,

so that she can cope and learn to cope and plan ahead for the future.

-Helen, do you feel that you have lost control of your own life?

-Yes.

Absolutely. I try not to let it get me down, but there are days when...

Oh, you're just, "Please, God help me."

It is my daughter who recognised, "Mum, you're not coping."

"Of course I am, of course I am!"

And I went into her house one day

and she went, "Mum, you're not well."

She lifted the phone and she phoned Alzheimer Scotland.

I was told years ago, you treat life a bit like a bank account -

you don't take out what you don't put in.

And I feel as though this is my bank account here.

You know, Janice, she's been brilliant.

They just take quality time

-to listen to how am

-I

-doing -

-"How are

-you

-today?"

'I think it's a brilliant idea of having a link worker

'to sort of signpost you, I suppose, or hold your hand.

'It's... When you get the diagnosis, it's a traumatic experience.

'So you want somebody who knows about it

'and who can talk you through what's available to make life a bit easier.

'I think a service like that would be ideal for people in Wales.'

'This afternoon is going to be interesting

'because I'm being put through a simulation programme, they call it.

'Basically it means that they'll put me in David's shoes,

'so that I can experience what he's experiencing, I suppose,

'what he's seeing, what he's hearing.

'But they've warned me

'that it's going to be a very emotional experience.

'So we'll see how I get on with that.'

During the exercise, you'll be in that room.

You'll have been asked to complete a range of tasks.

What's important for us is that any time you feel

that you've had enough, that you say, "Stop."

And everything will stop.

-OK.

-So if you could put these in your shoes, please.

Excellent. Jut slip those in like an insole.

Does it matter...how they go in?

Just so that they're resting under your feet.

Do you want to just have a quick look through those

and see how you feel about using those to do the exercise?

-Yeah. Right.

-I'm going to hand you a set of gardening gloves.

If you could just put those on for me.

-If I can see them.

-Mm-hmm.

So, I'm going to tape your thumb and your first two fingers up...

You're going to hear sounds through the headphones now.

It's a very odd sensation, I must admit.

Beti, can you hear me?

-Yes, I can.

-OK.

Find the purse and count out £1.57.

Pick up the mobile phone and call a friend

to say you're going out and you will call later.

Pack a backpack for your day out with bottles...

-Can't hear a thing. So much noise.

-..bottles of water...

-Ooh.

-..a selection of snacks and your sunglasses.

To finish, put on your coat, scarf and gloves, and leave to go out.

Mobile phone, I can remember.

So I pick up the mobile...phone.

She said something about gloves,

which I can't really put on.

Now I can understand why David sometimes

has difficulty putting clothes on.

Whew. And I'm unsteady on my feet.

Why is that happening, I wonder?

What else have I got to do? I can't remember.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, there's somebody ringing me.

No point at all.

So much noise in my ears.

I can't really believe that David would hear all these noises.

I'm like Cyclops, I can only see through one eye.

OK, stop.

OK, Beti.

-Whew.

-Let's take these from you

and I'll guide you out of the room first of all.

Ah, yeah, well...

-The chair is now right at your back.

-OK.

-So, what was that like for you?

-Exhausting, actually.

I feel so tired.

I'm thinking to myself, "If this is the way that, you know,

"David experiences life, these days, I mean, no wonder he's tired."

-It takes an effort.

-Things didn't happen in the right sequence.

The last thing you were asked to do, Beti,

was put on your coat and gloves and leave the room.

You actually put these on quite early,

which then made all the other tasks really difficult to do

because you were trying to do them with a pair of mitts on.

That's a very common experience for people,

to lose the thread in terms of the sequence of doing something,

whether that's getting dressed or getting ready to go out,

-making a cup of tea.

-Absolutely.

If you break it down,

there's quite a lot to the everyday things that we do.

With the chair, for example, is a shining example.

Because I think, "Well, why can't he sit down?!"

I sort of sometimes say, "Come on, sit down, sit down!"

And he'll take about five minutes to sit down in a chair.

Now I'll be able to understand that.

I do think...

..it will make me understand

why David sometimes behaves this way.

'Scotland and Wales have limited resources, but up here,

'they seem to think, "Well, that doesn't stop us from

' "talking about it and doing something about it."

'And I'm impressed with the enthusiasm and the dedication.

'They seem to focus on carers.'

The Blues? Your game? Cardiff Blues?

No, no, no...

What is your club, then?

'When I came out of that simulation exercise, I was a bit confused.

'I suppose that was to be expected.'

Why don't you sit down?

'And I still think about it. And it does help me.'

DAVID SPEAKS

I'm watching this.

'When David, for example,

'finds it sort of hard to sit down on a chair...'

And the Scarlets are winning. Hooray!

'..it takes him ages.

'And, of course, that's what happened to me. And then the feet.

'Of course, David is so, so careful on his feet.

'It really helped me to understand what David must be going through.

'Well, one doesn't know for sure, but it just gives you that idea

'of what might be going through his mind.'

David loves to see regular faces,

and Ruth has been coming to us for 15 years.

And she's one of the family, she's a great friend.

Morning, boss. Mwah. How are you?

-All right!

-Morning.

-Morning.

-Mwah. You all right?

-Good mood today, Ruth.

-Yesterday - horrendous yesterday, with him yesterday.

-Oh. For why?

Wouldn't shave in the morning. DAVID SPEAKS

Not playing the game.

Not playing the game. Wouldn't shave, would not shave.

I gave up.

Then, of course, he wouldn't have a shower.

And then this morning...

-Totally different.

-Like a lamb this morning.

On form today, by the look of it.

By the look of it, yes. Today he's on form.

-All right, boss?

-Huh?

Yeah. Are you coming out?

Ruth is going to do some work here.

Yes, busy, busy. All right down the step now?

Well, it's very interesting, he manages, you know?

Because, you know, I'll be somewhere else.

Or I'll have gone out shopping. He's...

-Showing off now.

-He's performing.

-Yeah.

-He really is.

Aww.

-Right. Coffee, Ruth?

-Yes, please.

Is that a bit of glass or glitter? I can't work it out.

-He had his hair cut.

-Oh, that's good.

But he loves seeing people coming, though.

Not that all his friends now come, do they? You know, only a very few.

The faithful few.

15 years, I've been coming.

Every week - well, nearly every week.

For 15 years, Beti's been a great friend, and...

Yeah, well, they've both been great friends.

But, yeah, I have seen, bless, the decline,

and...the illness taking hold.

And it's been... It's been really hard.

I think it helps her to have a chat,

and helps me to understand what's going on, too.

He's always recognised me.

I think the day he doesn't recognise me, in my mind,

would be another step, another deterioration.

But that hasn't happened.

I can't see her giving up, though. I can't.

She wants him here.

He...will be better here.

I can't see him being in some sort of institution.

It would... Things would take a rapid turn then, I think.

I guess I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it happen myself.

Because I don't want her to feel like she's given up on him.

Because I think... You know, they're partners.

She doesn't want to be without him.

I think that would be...

Sorry.

It's just really sad.

It's all I've ever known, is them together.

When I come here, and...you know, he is happy.

He is happy to be home.

Everything's familiar here.

People come and talk to him.

I just think that...

..it would be worse -

it would be worse for him, it would be worse for her,

and the family as well.

Oh, dear.

It's so sad.

PIANO MUSIC

INAUDIBLE

'The other day, oh, he didn't reach the toilet in time.

'So the floor was wet,

'yes, and his socks and all the rest of it were wet.

'I must admit I said, "Oh, David! David! David! Why?!"

'Then I added - and I should never do this, I suppose -

' "You know, they're going to take you away

' "if you do this all the time,

' "because they will say I won't be able to cope."

'We sat down on the bed and he said to me, "I've been a naughty boy.

' "What's going to happen to the two of us?," he said.

DAVID SPEAKS

-David?

-Yeah.

Just be quiet for a minute, OK?

What?

Be quiet for a minute. OK?

Because I'll finish then, all right?

Shush now for a minute.

In church?

-In church!

-Don't tell me again...

DAVID SPEAKS

David, shush now for a minute.

Less than a minute, OK?

No.

THEY LAUGH

Well, that's just about all from Cardiff Arms Park,

except to tell you that in a week's time

our programme will be the highlights of the West Wales Derby

between Neath and Swansea. Do join us then. Goodbye.