Where You're Meant to Be


Where You're Meant to Be

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This film contains very strong language

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# Kind friends and companions come join me in rhyme... #

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Kind friends and companions, come join me in rhyme.

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# ..And lift up your voices in chorus with mine

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AUDIENCE JOIN IN # Let's drink and be merry All grief to refrain

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# For we may or might never all meet here again. #

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For we may or might never all meet here again.

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I've had that song in my head a lot since you died, Sheila.

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I've been thinking about what it meant to you and means to me now

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and how those meanings change.

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We only met a couple of times

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but I think about you driving down to the city for your final performance.

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And I wonder how fast you drove,

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if you stopped for a smoke...

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..what was on the radio.

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RADIO: 'And now on the show, songwriter and indie pop raconteur

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'Aidan Moffat.'

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Did you know you didn't have long?

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Were you scared we'd forget you?

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Or did you just want the song sung right?

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You've been on my mind a lot, Sheila.

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But before we met...

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I was just hoping for a good laugh.

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# Fin I was aff to leave the ploo I said to Fairmer Broon

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# The money that I hae workit for Will you kindly lay it doon?

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# This very day I mean to be in Glesca toon by half past three

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# I've been a o'er lang a gackie in the country

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# Wae ma big Kilmarnock bunnet As I ran to catch the train

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# I'll never forget the trick that was played on me by Sandy Laing

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# Says he, "Mind, Jock, when ye get tae the toon

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# "Speir ye for Katie Bain, ma Loon,

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# "She bides at number eichty street in Glesca."

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OVER LOUDSPEAKER: 'Ahoy there, shipmates,

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'and welcome to our maiden voyage.

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'Uh, you may be wondering why we're on a boat that isn't moving.

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'If you look to the front of the ship, you will see a bridge

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'which we can't get past due to some technical difficulties.'

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# Oh, my ship lies in harbour

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# She's ready to sail... #

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Our ship had barely left harbour before we hit trouble.

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# ..God, grant her safe voyage

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# Without any gales... #

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Maybe you would have seen it as an omen,

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a warning from the gods to leave these songs alone.

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But I've never believed in that stuff.

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# In ma big Kilmarnock bunnet on the train fae Falkirk High

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# I'll never forget the trick was played on me by John McKay

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# He said if I was efter thrills just ask wee Kate that sells the pills

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# She knocks aboot... #

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Can we slow it down a wee bit?

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'When I started out,

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'I didn't know anything about you or ballads you sang.'

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Maybe... Maybe get a wee...

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'I just wanted to take old songs from Scotland that made me giggle

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'and rewrite them for fun.'

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Just dinnae play full-on in the verses, that's all you need.

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# The train pulls intae Queen Street so I stop a laddie there

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# I says, "Here, mate, d'ye happen to ken the way to Blythswood Square?"

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# The boy squares up for all to see and stuck the fuckin' heid on me. #

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You could say I was exploring the roots of my country.

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So I wanted to sing the songs outside of my usual comfort zones,

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in towns and villages that had never heard of me.

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And there's plenty of those.

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I probably shouldn't be looking at you, should I?

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I should be looking off into the distance,

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wondering where I'm going to go next.

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Aye, aye, I'm a very interesting person.

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I like Star Wars.

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I'm into... I quite like music, occasionally.

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No' that modern pish.

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I like the good old days. You know, when music had a tune.

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THEY LAUGH

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Ah! There we go.

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OVER LOUDSPEAKER: 'The technical difficulties being that

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'there's no-one there to open it.

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'But rest assured, someone is on the way and we'll get sailing ASAP.'

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Fuck's sake.

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Oh, aye, aye. Oh. Yo!

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I'm not quite sure what happens in the original.

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There's a guy who's travelling down from the north to go for a night out

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in Glasgow and his mate tells him to go and meet this girl called Kate.

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We don't quite find out who Kate is or what she does

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but he does end up in the Clyde minus his trousers.

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# In ma big Kilmarnock bunnet on the train fae Falkirk High

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# I'll never forget the trick that was played

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# On me by John McKay

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# He said if I was after thrills

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# Just ask fae Kate, she sells the pills

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# She knocks about the Blythswood Square in Glasgow... #

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So, there I am, bloody, wasted, don't know where I am.

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This is before Google maps, incidentally.

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# We should meet again

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# Be it on land or on the sea

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# I will always remember

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# Your kindness to me. #

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I wanted to bring new perspective to the songs,

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to adapt them to my own life.

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At first I loved the smut and the humour,

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but then I found myself being drawn into the darker stuff.

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And that was the path that led me to you.

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BIRD CHEEPS

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# Friends, I have a sad story

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# A very sad story to tell

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# I married a man for his money

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# But he's worse than the devil himsel

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# For when Mickey comes home I get battered

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# He batters me all black and blue

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# And if I say a word I get scattered

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# From the kitchen I ben to the room. #

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The people abroad, what they know Scotland for is, er...

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..tartan, the swing of the kilt...

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..er, shortbread.

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That isnae what Scotland's all about at all.

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There is a culture other than that, which is far older than that.

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# Ah, but whisky I ne'er was a lover

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# But what can a poor woman do?

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# I'll go and I'll drown all me sorrows

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# But I wish I could drown Mickey too

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# So I'll go and I'll get blue bleezin' blind drunk

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# Just to give Mickey a warning

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# And just for spite I will stay out all night

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# And come rollin' home drunk in the morning. #

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When I listened to you sing those old songs,

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I thought I could hear similarities with what I do

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in the storytelling and everyday language and maybe even the singing,

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where the feeling means more than the notes.

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And then I found out you were a Traveller.

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I remember when I was wee, I'd see the Travellers' caravans

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by the graveyard where my grandad took me for walks.

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The kids at school called them gypsies and tinks and mocked them,

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but I thought their lifestyle, your lifestyle, sounded pretty cool,

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roaming around and settling wherever you fancied.

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My mother was born in a bough tent at the River Tay near Perth.

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I was born into a stable where they kept the horses.

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We lived in a bubble of our own and we had songs that had died

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many centuries ago.

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We didn't want to blend in with society

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because if you blend in with the society,

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being a tinker or a Traveller...

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..your culture's lost.

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I'm the last in the line of my family

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to keep this culture alive and I'm very adamant to keep it intact,

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the way it was handed down to me.

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And anybody that doesnae appreciate that, well...

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UPBEAT RHYTHM PLAYS

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I still havenae worked out how many versus or choruses

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I want in this one.

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Because some of them are a bit shit.

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I thought it would be good to tell the story a bit quicker.

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These fucking songs go on and on and on.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Folk music needs a good editor, I think.

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Yeah.

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So I'd rewritten the songs, we'd arranged and rehearsed them

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and it was time to give them a road test.

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The first person I thought of was you.

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I thought you'd maybe understand.

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I hoped you might even like them.

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This folk thing was all new to me, but if I could impress you,

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I knew I'd be all right.

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A ballad is just a story, so you listen to the story of the ballad.

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But there's long ballads that can be boring.

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There are a few, I think, that wear on a wee bit too long, aye.

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Aye. My ballads arenae like that.

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With a lot of the old folk songs,

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they fall out of fashion because they don't really...

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There's not a lot of common ground for modern listeners.

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So what... Instead...

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And the part of the song... Obviously, the part of the song

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is about going out to sea and being separated, you know,

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there's that... You know, the ship lying,

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lying in harbour and such.

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No, but that... You see, you've got the wrong context to that.

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My ship lies in harbour -

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it's no' a ship.

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My ship lies in harbour means he's lying dying,

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and that ship's going to carry him to heaven.

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Really? Aye.

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Ah, right. It's no' a ship.

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Oh, I didnae know that. My ship lies in harbour.

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He's ready to sail, he's ready to die.

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I want to hear your version on it.

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OK.

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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# Now the sirens are wailing

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# The taxi rank grows

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# There's another wee ned with another burst nose

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# They're puking their rings

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# And they're shouting their song

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# And right here among them is where I belong

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# So here's a health to the company

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# Likewise to my lass

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# Let's drink and be merry all out of one glass

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# Let's drink and be merry

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# Auld grief to refrain

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# For we may or may never all meet here again. #

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Now you've taken the context and blootered it.

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Well, I know that now, yes.

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You didn't investigate that song. I did.

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I did look into it, but I couldnae really find much that...

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No-one really mentioned the metaphor that...

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You changed the verses, that's not on.

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I mean, that's the tradition of these songs where,

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you know, they often add bits, take away bits, make them your own.

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Never heard of that.

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THUNDER RUMBLES

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"Know your history," you said.

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You've got to know your history.

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But I've never really been into it.

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I hated it at school.

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But maybe that's because the teacher was a prick.

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HE SHOUTS

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GAELIC CHANTING

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Pardon the language, Sheila.

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And don't get me wrong, history's fine.

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And sometimes it's fun.

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But I prefer the chaos of now...

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..and the uncertainty and potential of tomorrow.

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GAELIC CHANT CONTINUES

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DOG BARKS

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She gave me a fucking roasting in the car

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because I'd changed the words to one of the songs.

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Was it Parting Song? Yeah.

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Apparently, it's...

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She says there's a metaphor in it about the ship lying in harbour.

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I thought it was about a guy leaving,

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but apparently it's about a guy dying.

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And I was like, "What? "How am I expected to understand

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"your stupid old religious metaphors?"

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Do you know what I mean?

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I guess she's probably quite protective over it all,

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as well, you know? She's spent her whole life in that tradition

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and then you come along and she assumes

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that you're young whippersnappers.

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Well, I was explaining that to her, as well.

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Look, the reason I'm doing it is to introduce the songs to folk

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who wouldnae normally listen to them and that way...

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You know, you have to adapt them in some way.

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And I think I talked her round by the end it.

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I was disgusted.

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I'm sorry to say that, but my...

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My songs and my ballads are so precious to me

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that we don't change them.

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If it's good enough for our forbearers, it's good enough for us.

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Why change an unaccompanied traditional ballad?

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He needs to listen a lot more.

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And no' do what he wants to do,

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because he'll never get out of the bit, singing the way he's singing.

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And disrespecting the songs.

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# I'm no' really into this, I'm doing it for you

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# The butcher was... #

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I fucked that up there, sorry.

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I'll start that one again. I should actually just read it,

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but I'm trying to be cool.

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# The butcher gave my wife a wave and gave her a surprise

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# When she saw the pretty beef that was protruding fae his flies

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# Oh, who's in you this time?

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# Who's up you noo?

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# I'm no' really into this, I'm doing it for you. #

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SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE

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So, it's raffle time, then.

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Everybody got a ticket?

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Oh! Sorry.

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'It never used to be like this.

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'I don't expect you'll remember Britpop, Sheila, back in the 1990s.'

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Shit. Was that your guitar? Yeah.

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'Well, if Britpop was a party, then my first band, Arab Strap,

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'were a bit like the hangover.'

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So, that was the first big weekend of the summer.

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There was only one car going, so some of us had to get the train.

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We got through quite late and we went to a pub to take the gear.

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There was no problems getting in, still others waiting

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in the front of the queue, so we skipped in.

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It was a good night. Everyone was naughty.

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I ended up dancing with some blonde girl.

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I thought she had been quite pretty until last night when Matthew

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informed me she had in fact been a pig.

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# It went for a weekend, it lasted forever

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# High-weather friends, it's officially summer

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# It went for a weekend, it lasted forever

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# High-weather friends, it's officially summer

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# Went for a weekend, it lasted forever. #

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'But hangovers don't last forever.

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'I've always sung songs about cities and suburbs,

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'but folk music's your world.

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'I was just passing through.'

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Fuck!

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Fuck that.

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Oh, no! Fuck off!

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It's fucking freezing!

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Oh!

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Why is it that whenever you have somebody with you, disaster strikes?

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I've just broken my headphones.

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Does it not click back on?

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No, it's now broken off completely.

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Right, OK. I don't know what to do with this now.

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Argh...

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Anyway, good afternoon to Mr Aidan Moffat.

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Hello, hiya. How are you doing?

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Mildly hung over, but struggling on.

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How long now since Arab Strap?

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It's nearly, what? Ten years?

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But it's a tour with a difference.

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It's more about the...

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It's more about the country than it is about the music, I think.

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It's a tour. It's a Scottish tour

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and it's called Where You're Meant To Be.

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See my good lady, I might put them on there.

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You're going to Drumnadrochit at Nessie the monster.

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Where else are you going?

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We're doing a place just outside Oban called Lerags.

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Which is in...

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Excuse me. There was a man we met, Liam,

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whose back garden is an ancient graveyard

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that he's been restoring and renovating.

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Oh, no, her hair gives it a nice 3-D effect, Moira. I like it.

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# Scots be a nation right proud of our heritage. #

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And then it all ends in Glasgow again in the Barrowlands.

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The Barrowlands is such an important part

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of certainly Glasgow's musical culture.

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That was the first gig I ever went to

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and it was the first venue I ever saw a band playing.

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Do you think that in an independent Scotland,

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marriage between English and Scots can be legal?

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Why wouldn't it be?!

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HE LAUGHS

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I don't know.

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Nessie says yessie!

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No!

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Bugger to hell.

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ECHOING VOICE: You've blootered.

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'With your review still ringing in my ears,

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'I was beginning to have doubts after that first gig.'

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Fucking hell.

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'But you can't expect everyone to like you.

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'And I've never really cared about being popular.'

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This is Falkirk, the band's hometown,

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a place they've branded rundown and boring,

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where they claim local folk are violent alcoholics

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whose main pastime is fighting.

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In fact, it's got nothing going for it at all.

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And that controversial view of Falkirk

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has outraged the people of the town, all the more so

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because it comes from members of a home-grown pop group.

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An outrage that these individuals,

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who are unknown in the field of modern music,

0:26:110:26:15

can come and just take a swipe at Falkirk.

0:26:150:26:18

There's two ways to get on in show business -

0:26:180:26:20

one is to be outrageous, the other one is to have talent,

0:26:200:26:22

and obviously they have nothing of the latter.

0:26:220:26:24

So I'm no stranger to criticism, Sheila.

0:26:250:26:28

But maybe you were a bit quick to judge.

0:26:290:26:31

I love these old songs, their stories and their morals.

0:26:330:26:36

But the words don't make much sense to the modern ear.

0:26:370:26:40

# Ma big Kilmarnock bunnet as I ran to catch the train

0:26:400:26:45

# I'll never forget the trick that was played on me by Sandy Laing

0:26:450:26:50

# Says he, mind, Jock, when you come to the toon

0:26:500:26:52

# Spare ye for Katie Bain, ma loon

0:26:520:26:55

# She abides in number eichty street in Glesca

0:26:550:26:59

# Now I met a wee lassie dressed in a strippet frock

0:26:590:27:04

# She says to me richt cheerily, hello, is that you, Jock?

0:27:040:27:08

# Your big Kilmarnock's awfy plum

0:27:080:27:11

# Come on and staun us a doddle o' rum

0:27:110:27:14

# We'll show you the muckle sichts o' Glesca

0:27:140:27:18

# Wi' my big Kilmarnock bunnet as I ran to catch the train... #

0:27:180:27:22

'Instead of hills and heather, why not sing of glass and neon?

0:27:220:27:28

'Instead of hard graft at the plough,

0:27:280:27:30

'why not a bad day behind the counter?'

0:27:300:27:32

Could you get me two sausages?

0:27:320:27:35

'Instead of birdsong, why not sirens?'

0:27:350:27:38

Perhaps the Isle of Lewis, with very strict Christian principles,

0:27:490:27:53

is not the best place to be swearing at people for half an hour

0:27:530:27:57

and singing about orgies. Yeah, yeah.

0:27:570:27:59

They'll understand where I'm coming fae here.

0:28:000:28:02

This is the place to do it.

0:28:020:28:04

# I will do the best I can

0:28:130:28:18

# For I'm bound to go a roving way

0:28:180:28:25

# My nice, young gentleman. #

0:28:250:28:31

APPLAUSE

0:28:310:28:34

# There's sludgie and there's dredger boats

0:28:400:28:43

# To keep the river clean

0:28:430:28:46

# Put up your hand, pull the chain

0:28:460:28:49

# You ken fine what I mean

0:28:490:28:52

# But why in the hell has the Holy Loch

0:28:520:28:55

# Been left oot o' that scheme?

0:28:550:28:58

# For we are the Glasgow Eskimos

0:28:580:29:02

# Hello! Hello!

0:29:040:29:07

# We are the Eskimos

0:29:070:29:10

# Hello! Hello!

0:29:100:29:12

# We're the Glasgow Eskimos

0:29:120:29:15

# For we'll gaff that nyaff called Lanin

0:29:150:29:19

# We'll spear him where he blows

0:29:190:29:22

# For we are the Glasgow Eskimos

0:29:220:29:26

# Now it's on and aff and roon

0:29:280:29:31

# Everything on the pier

0:29:310:29:34

# There's cooncillors, collaborators

0:29:340:29:37

# Pimps and profiteers

0:29:370:29:39

# Noo the hairies jock the polis

0:29:390:29:42

# The polis, they're in tears

0:29:420:29:46

# For we are the Glasgow Eskimos. #

0:29:460:29:49

Now, we are going to have a short interval.

0:29:510:29:54

It's a comfort break,

0:29:540:29:55

but it'll gie you a chance to share news with your neighbour

0:29:550:29:58

and replenish your glasses and that.

0:29:580:30:01

Fuck, I'm shitting myself.

0:30:010:30:02

Cheers.

0:30:040:30:06

Here. No, I... Well, I will.

0:30:060:30:10

Aye, exactly.

0:30:100:30:12

Me and Sheila. Yeah. Best, best pals. Oh, really?

0:30:140:30:18

People like Sheila, they come from a different environment, walk of life.

0:30:180:30:21

We're going to have a couple of songs now from a lad I met last year

0:30:210:30:25

at the Kerry Festival for the first time.

0:30:250:30:27

Would you, please, give a big round of applause to Aidan Moffat?

0:30:270:30:31

Hi.

0:30:350:30:37

Do you know The Parting Song?

0:30:370:30:39

That the Stewarts used to sing?

0:30:390:30:41

A lot of these songs that I've been doing tend to take the old songs

0:30:410:30:44

from the country and relocate them to the city.

0:30:440:30:47

So, that's what I've done with The Parting Song, as well.

0:30:470:30:51

# Now the sirens are wailing

0:30:510:30:55

# The taxi rank grows

0:30:550:30:58

# There's another wee ned with another bust nose

0:30:580:31:04

# They're puking their rings and their shouting their songs

0:31:040:31:10

# And right here among them is where I belong

0:31:100:31:15

# So here's a health to the company

0:31:150:31:19

# Likewise to my lass

0:31:190:31:23

# Let's drink and be merry all out of one glass

0:31:230:31:29

# Let's drink and be merry

0:31:290:31:32

# All grief to refrain

0:31:320:31:35

# For we may or might never all meet here again. #

0:31:350:31:42

Thank you.

0:31:420:31:44

APPLAUSE

0:31:440:31:45

They seemed to quite enjoy my version that night,

0:31:500:31:54

up in the land of the plough,

0:31:540:31:56

where the old ballads are still close to the people.

0:31:560:31:59

Well, at least they liked the bits I didn't tamper with.

0:32:000:32:04

I even met some friends of yours...

0:32:050:32:07

..and they had lots to tell me about you.

0:32:090:32:12

What Sheila is, is a folk singer.

0:32:200:32:23

What these other people is are singers of folk songs.

0:32:230:32:28

And there's a subtle difference.

0:32:280:32:30

And Sheila and the Stewarts,

0:32:300:32:32

they were not subjected to television and media

0:32:320:32:36

or radio or nothing.

0:32:360:32:37

They kept the old styles.

0:32:370:32:39

Great ballad styles,

0:32:390:32:41

which are hundreds and hundreds of years old.

0:32:410:32:43

Not only did they sing them, but they worked the life.

0:32:430:32:46

I think in some ways, she's the end of an era.

0:32:530:32:56

Oh, absolutely. She kens that.

0:32:560:32:58

But it wasn't their songs.

0:33:000:33:02

They would tell you that.

0:33:020:33:04

I also heard that maybe you weren't always quite so sure

0:33:040:33:07

about how the old songs should be sung.

0:33:070:33:10

Sometimes I put in words that I didn't put in the last time.

0:33:100:33:14

Through the years, they develop and they change.

0:33:140:33:18

Maybe ten years, ten years, say, "Oh, whose version was that?"

0:33:180:33:22

It's just like everything else.

0:33:220:33:24

It's inevitable that it's got to change.

0:33:240:33:26

You used to accept that singers need to make a song their own.

0:33:290:33:33

So, why shouldn't I do it?

0:33:340:33:36

Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the ways that the more pagan people

0:33:390:33:44

would have gone about sorting out some of their problems,

0:33:440:33:47

if they were having problems with each other.

0:33:470:33:50

CHEERING

0:33:500:33:53

# Oh, the midges The midges

0:33:590:34:01

# I'm no gonnae kid yous

0:34:010:34:03

# The midges are really the limit. #

0:34:030:34:07

I would just like to say a quick couple of words of thanks before

0:34:070:34:11

the famous Aidan Moffat arrives in front of this microphone,

0:34:110:34:14

who's from Dennyloanhead and went to the same school as my son.

0:34:140:34:19

And they've both been very successful in their lives.

0:34:190:34:22

One sings near a graveyard

0:34:230:34:25

and the other one climbs up trees and cuts them down.

0:34:250:34:28

So, that's what Scottish education does for you.

0:34:280:34:31

Hello.

0:34:400:34:41

How you doing? You can move in if you like.

0:34:410:34:44

So, the next song is an old bothy ballad

0:34:440:34:47

called I'm A Rover, which I decided I liked,

0:34:470:34:49

because it sounds very romantic -

0:34:490:34:51

until you get to the chorus and it transpires the man is only feeling

0:34:510:34:55

romantic when he's a bit drunk.

0:34:550:34:56

So, I thought, what would be...?

0:34:560:34:59

How would that manifest itself in the modern world?

0:34:590:35:01

How would a drunken man annoy someone for love in the 21st century?

0:35:010:35:07

This man isn't me, incidentally.

0:35:070:35:10

I may be singing in the first person,

0:35:100:35:12

but I would never endorse this sort of behaviour.

0:35:120:35:14

And you'll understand why when I sing it.

0:35:140:35:16

# The other night... #

0:35:180:35:20

Whoa, sorry.

0:35:210:35:23

Just keep going, Stevie, I'll start that again, sorry.

0:35:230:35:26

Technical issues with my hand.

0:35:260:35:28

OK, as I was saying.

0:35:310:35:34

# The other night I was on the rand

0:35:340:35:37

# And when I clocked this wee fucking pump

0:35:370:35:40

# I sat beside her and said I'd ride her

0:35:400:35:44

# But she just took the fucking hump

0:35:440:35:47

# And I'm a rover Seldom sober

0:35:470:35:50

# I'm a rover of a high degree

0:35:500:35:53

# It's when I'm drinkin' I'm always thinkin'

0:35:530:35:56

# How to gain my love's company

0:35:560:36:00

# I saw her cc'd into an e-mail

0:36:000:36:03

# We'd been sent by a mutual mate

0:36:030:36:06

# So I wrote to her to try and woo her

0:36:060:36:09

# Still she did not reciprocate

0:36:090:36:13

# And I'm a rover Seldom sober

0:36:130:36:16

# I'm a rover of high degree

0:36:160:36:19

# It's when I'm drinkin' I'm always thinkin'

0:36:190:36:22

# How to gain my love's company

0:36:220:36:25

# I got her number off her wee sister

0:36:250:36:29

# She exchanged it for double gin

0:36:290:36:32

# I started texting Soon I was sexting

0:36:320:36:36

# So her sister kicked my cunt in

0:36:360:36:39

# And I'm a rover Seldom sober

0:36:390:36:41

# I'm a rover of high degree

0:36:410:36:46

# It's when I'm drinkin' I'm always thinkin'

0:36:460:36:48

# How to gain my love's company. #

0:36:480:36:52

Well, good morning, folks.

0:37:040:37:05

My name is George Edwards

0:37:050:37:06

and it's my pleasure to welcome you aboard the Nessie Hunter.

0:37:060:37:10

I, personally, have had several sightings over the years.

0:37:100:37:14

There is no doubt at all in my opinion about their existence.

0:37:140:37:17

Belief is good at starting fights, Sheila.

0:37:200:37:23

Everyone thinks that their way's the right way.

0:37:250:37:28

I know a singer called George up at Loch Ness.

0:37:290:37:33

Around the time of our tour,

0:37:330:37:35

he found himself in the same sort of bother.

0:37:350:37:39

Photograph number six is the zoomed-in version

0:37:390:37:42

of photograph number three.

0:37:420:37:44

But I have to tell you, that is not a genuine picture.

0:37:440:37:49

I actually faked that picture myself

0:37:490:37:51

just to have a little bit of fun.

0:37:510:37:52

Over the years, a few people have had a go at me

0:37:520:37:55

about having done that picture.

0:37:550:37:59

So, does the lake creature actually exist?

0:37:590:38:02

Well, if you ask one man,

0:38:020:38:03

he'll tell you it is in fact no myth.

0:38:030:38:05

Well, I'm convinced that I was looking at one of these

0:38:050:38:08

creatures in the water.

0:38:080:38:09

If you don't speak Scottish, he's saying, I have proof.

0:38:090:38:13

George Edwards said he took the photograph last November,

0:38:140:38:17

but another Loch Ness Monster enthusiast has come forward claiming

0:38:170:38:21

the image shows a fibreglass model.

0:38:210:38:23

Now, Mr Felson says he has new evidence blowing the photograph's

0:38:230:38:27

authenticity out of the water.

0:38:270:38:30

Steve, you've come out and attacked this photograph,

0:38:300:38:33

but are you not pleased that this has brought publicity

0:38:330:38:35

to the search for Nessie? Because this is something you believe in.

0:38:350:38:39

I'm here to solve this world-class mystery.

0:38:390:38:44

And this doesn't help, at all.

0:38:440:38:46

Today, Mr Edwards declined to be interviewed on camera,

0:38:460:38:49

but he told me that he denied knowing anything about a fake hump.

0:38:490:38:54

You know... There is a... There's not just a cynical side to it,

0:39:080:39:12

I suppose what I'm saying. There is a...

0:39:120:39:14

There is a genuine side

0:39:140:39:16

in keeping the myth alive.

0:39:160:39:18

When people then look and say, "Oh,

0:39:180:39:20

"it's actually a boat operator that's made a fake picture of Nessie

0:39:200:39:22

"to try and get people in, therefore the whole lot is bullshit."

0:39:220:39:27

If we all stood back and ignored what he'd done,

0:39:270:39:30

then we'd be complicit in his cynical behaviour.

0:39:300:39:36

But whose side would you be on?

0:39:500:39:53

Would it be Steve holding out for something real and true?

0:39:530:39:57

Or George, doing whatever it takes to keep the myth alive

0:40:040:40:09

and the money coming in?

0:40:090:40:12

There they are, fighting over a fable,

0:40:140:40:17

just like you and I fought over a folk song.

0:40:170:40:19

And here I thought music was meant to bring us all together.

0:40:250:40:28

Does anyone know the Ball Of Kerrymuir?

0:40:300:40:32

Yes. The Ball Of Kerrymuir is an old song about an orgy.

0:40:320:40:36

I mean, I don't know about you,

0:40:370:40:39

but I am not socially equipped to deal with that sort of thing.

0:40:390:40:43

So, what I did was I thought I'd write a version

0:40:440:40:48

of the Ball Of Kerrymuir from the perspective of someone...

0:40:480:40:51

And possibly lots of people I know and how we would actually

0:40:510:40:55

react to be being at a mass orgy in a town hall.

0:40:550:40:58

So, here we go.

0:40:590:41:01

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:41:010:41:03

# So the wife said will you take me to the famous Kerry ball?

0:41:050:41:09

# I said I'll do anything for you, my darling doll

0:41:090:41:12

# But who's in you this time?

0:41:120:41:15

# Who's up you now?

0:41:150:41:17

# I'm not really into this I'm doing it for you

0:41:170:41:20

# The Butcher gave my wife a wave and gave her a surprise

0:41:200:41:24

# When she saw the pound of beef that was protruding from his flies

0:41:240:41:27

# So who's in you this time?

0:41:270:41:30

# Who's up you now?

0:41:300:41:32

# I'm not really into this I'm doing it for you... #

0:41:320:41:35

I forgot who's next, give me a second, hold on, it's a girl.

0:41:350:41:38

# The Lassie from the baker's said Do you want to have a try?

0:41:380:41:42

# I'm hot just like an oven so get stuck into my pie

0:41:420:41:46

# So who's in you this time?

0:41:460:41:48

# Who's up you now?

0:41:480:41:50

# I'm not really into this I'm doing it for you

0:41:500:41:53

# The birthday party clown says will you suck this for a laugh?

0:41:530:41:57

# I said show me that again, you cunt, I'll fucking rip it off

0:41:570:42:00

# Aye, who's in you this time?

0:42:000:42:03

# Who's up you now?

0:42:030:42:05

# Get to fuck, your fanny, there's no way I'm touching you

0:42:050:42:08

# So that was me I'd had enough

0:42:080:42:10

# I couldnae take nae more

0:42:100:42:12

# I went to get the wife I couldn't find her anywhere

0:42:120:42:15

# Aw who's in her this time?

0:42:150:42:17

# Who's in her now?

0:42:170:42:20

# I'm not really into this

0:42:200:42:22

# I'm doing it for you. #

0:42:220:42:25

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:250:42:28

Hello, again, how are you?

0:42:470:42:49

CHEERING

0:42:490:42:51

So, our next act for the evening is someone I expect quite a few of you

0:42:510:42:55

will know already.

0:42:550:42:57

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr George Edwards.

0:42:570:43:00

APPLAUSE

0:43:000:43:03

# And it's murder, mighty murder in the jail

0:43:030:43:07

# When they feed you bread and water frae a pail

0:43:070:43:11

# If they catch you with a jimmy they'll send you to Barlinnie

0:43:110:43:16

# It's murder, mighty murder, in the jail

0:43:160:43:20

# Singing I'm no hairy Mary I'm your maw

0:43:200:43:30

# Singing I'm no hairy Mary, cos I'm your father's fairy

0:43:300:43:34

# I'm no hairy Mary I'm your maw. #

0:43:340:43:38

Thinking about the...

0:43:380:43:39

We both love being here, doing what we do here.

0:43:390:43:42

Exactly. Aye, aye, aye. And so coming here tonight is the first

0:43:420:43:46

time I've seen George since all of that media stuff.

0:43:460:43:52

He says, "You're a shit and..." Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:43:520:43:54

To be fair to him...

0:43:540:43:56

My friend. Well, exactly, aye.

0:43:560:43:58

What I'm saying is, right,

0:43:580:44:00

is I haven't seen you since the start of your campaign to convince

0:44:000:44:06

the world that that plastic hump was the real thing.

0:44:060:44:09

And the whole... Stevie!

0:44:090:44:11

Stevie! Chill, man, chill. No. Chill.

0:44:110:44:15

This is an old song that...

0:44:150:44:17

Does anyone know who Sheila Stewart MBE is?

0:44:170:44:20

She's and old folk singer, very well respected.

0:44:200:44:23

And I had to sing this to her in a car recently.

0:44:230:44:26

And this is my version with new words,

0:44:260:44:28

and she told me it was fucking shit.

0:44:280:44:30

One of the concerts that I was ever at and Sheila sang at,

0:44:380:44:42

that was the climax to her performance.

0:44:420:44:45

That was her climax.

0:44:450:44:47

It's frustrates her when she hears the old songs as we call them,

0:44:470:44:52

which have been passed down... Fucked about.

0:44:520:44:55

# Kind friends and companions

0:44:570:45:01

# Come join me in rhyme

0:45:010:45:04

# And lift up your voices in chorus with mine

0:45:040:45:10

# Let's drink and be merry all out of one glass... #

0:45:100:45:16

Oh, I've got it wrong.

0:45:160:45:19

Thank you much, good night.

0:45:220:45:25

It was her mother's Parting Song before her and Sheila feels she...

0:45:270:45:31

..has ownership of that.

0:45:310:45:33

I suppose she thought it was being tampered with

0:45:330:45:37

and maybe something was lost.

0:45:370:45:40

# She smiles on me proudly as she sits on my knee

0:45:400:45:48

# And there's none in this wide world as happy as me

0:45:480:45:54

# So here's a health to the company

0:45:550:46:00

# Likewise to my lass

0:46:000:46:03

# Let's drink and be merry all out of one glass... #

0:46:030:46:10

Let's drink and be merry

0:46:120:46:15

all grief to refrain,

0:46:150:46:18

For we may or might never...

0:46:200:46:24

# ..all meet here again. #

0:46:240:46:27

I love the sentiment of that song.

0:46:270:46:29

A surrender to the unknowable.

0:46:290:46:32

I'm leaving and I don't know what's next.

0:46:320:46:35

An eviction.

0:46:410:46:42

The local council and local residents

0:46:420:46:44

wanted the travelling families off the land,

0:46:440:46:47

on which they had camped ever since anyone could remember.

0:46:470:46:49

But there's that sadness, too, of leaving something behind,

0:46:510:46:56

of knowing you have to keep moving...

0:46:560:46:58

..until there's nowhere left to go.

0:47:000:47:02

That's our van. Our van just about started then.

0:47:080:47:11

Yes. OK.

0:47:110:47:14

Thank you. Thanks. I'll give you a call when I get home.

0:47:140:47:18

Pump it, big man. OK, bye-bye. James.

0:47:180:47:21

Come on. Up, up.

0:47:340:47:37

As long as it's not an engine problem, because that could...

0:48:060:48:09

That could... That's an overnight fix and tomorrow's Sunday,

0:48:090:48:12

so we'd be fucking screwed.

0:48:120:48:14

So, where did you get engaged? Glasgow.

0:48:190:48:21

In Glasgow? Aye.

0:48:210:48:22

You both look really happy.

0:48:220:48:24

I will, aye, aye.

0:49:090:49:11

Maybe not quite as much as that for me.

0:49:110:49:13

Oh, right, wow.

0:49:170:49:20

Wow.

0:49:200:49:21

And she was just...

0:49:210:49:23

# Let's drink and be merry all grief to refrain

0:49:290:49:35

# For we may or might never all meet here again

0:49:350:49:39

Oh, is it the same? Oh, I see!

0:49:430:49:45

It's an old melody, aye.

0:49:450:49:47

# They searched the playground dead

0:49:470:49:51

# And bare but never found my baby... #

0:49:510:49:55

You're too high. Aye, aye.

0:49:580:50:00

# I left my baby...

0:50:000:50:03

Yeah, yeah, but I changed the words.

0:50:030:50:05

# Lying there, lying there. #

0:50:050:50:10

Will ye go, lassie, go?

0:50:230:50:26

# Oh, the summer-time has come... That's better, Jenny, my God.

0:50:310:50:35

ALL: # And the trees are sweetly bloomin'

0:50:350:50:40

# And the wild mountain thyme

0:50:400:50:45

# Grows around the purple heather

0:50:450:50:50

# Will ye go, lassie, go?

0:50:500:50:55

# And we'll all go together

0:50:550:51:00

# To pull wild mountain thyme

0:51:000:51:04

# All around the blooming heather

0:51:040:51:09

# Will ye go, lassie, go?

0:51:090:51:13

# If my true love, she were gone

0:51:150:51:20

# I would surely not find another

0:51:210:51:27

# Where the wild mountain thyme

0:51:270:51:34

BOTH: # All around the mountain thyme

0:51:340:51:40

# Will ye go, lassie, go?

0:51:400:51:45

# And we'll all go together

0:51:450:51:50

# To pull wild mountain thyme

0:51:500:51:54

# All around the blooming heather

0:51:540:51:59

# Will ye go, lassie, go? #

0:51:590:52:05

There you go. That was lovely.

0:52:100:52:12

She was the wind under my sails.

0:52:240:52:26

Aye.

0:52:430:52:45

Maybe you were right, Sheila.

0:53:010:53:04

Maybe these songs don't need me.

0:53:040:53:07

Maybe people just want to hear the comfort of something they know.

0:53:070:53:10

These songs are in our soil, they're a gift from our ancestors.

0:53:140:53:19

Maybe I should just shut up.

0:53:190:53:21

My mother's one's weather-beaten.

0:53:290:53:31

I'll have to get another photograph for that.

0:53:310:53:34

This is Jock Stewart.

0:53:360:53:38

That famous song that's known to...

0:53:400:53:43

Everybody knows it.

0:53:430:53:45

And this was the great Jock Stewart, my grandfather.

0:53:450:53:48

A great piper.

0:53:490:53:50

This is all my folk, too.

0:53:530:53:55

When I look at these graves, every ballad goes through my head

0:54:110:54:16

and I'm young again

0:54:160:54:18

and remembering what they told me

0:54:180:54:21

and the torture and punishment I went through to learn them all.

0:54:210:54:26

At that time, I was only young and I thought it was torture

0:54:280:54:31

because I couldn't go out and play with the rest of the kids and that.

0:54:310:54:36

I had to be in there, learning the ballads.

0:54:360:54:38

It's a legacy that dies with me.

0:54:490:54:52

It's going underground when I go underground

0:54:530:54:56

because there's nobody come to take the legacy from me

0:54:560:55:00

to continue.

0:55:000:55:01

Hello, hello, hello. How are you?

0:55:210:55:25

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:55:250:55:27

# Dae you see all the taxis

0:55:340:55:38

# Wi' the mad, massive queue?

0:55:380:55:41

# They'll take hame all the steamers

0:55:410:55:45

# But they'll no' take you, too

0:55:450:55:49

# Don't go, bonnie lassie

0:55:490:55:53

# Just haud my hands tight

0:55:530:55:57

# And we'll sing and we'll dance through the city tonight. #

0:55:570:56:04

I thought I used to be able to relate to The First Big Weekend,

0:56:060:56:09

but I think I can relate to every fucking one of those songs there.

0:56:090:56:12

It's in the Barrowlands.

0:56:190:56:20

# Aberdeen, Aberdeen

0:56:570:57:01

# You're beautiful to me! #

0:57:010:57:03

What I discovered on our travels is I'm very much a city sort of person.

0:57:340:57:39

I mean, I like the countryside.

0:57:390:57:41

It's nice for a visit, right?

0:57:410:57:43

Fuck that. I mean... Ah...

0:57:430:57:47

I like comic shops and wi-fi and things like that, you know?

0:57:470:57:51

LAUGHTER

0:57:510:57:52

# Dae you hear the train whisper

0:57:550:57:59

# As the doors slide apart?

0:57:590:58:02

# As she's taking you hame

0:58:020:58:05

# She should just take ma heart

0:58:050:58:09

# Come back, bonnie lassie

0:58:090:58:13

# Your boyfriend's pure shite

0:58:130:58:17

# And we'll kiss and we'll laugh through the city tonight. #

0:58:170:58:24

Uh-huh.

0:59:020:59:04

Is he going to use his own drums?

0:59:050:59:08

TELEPHONE RINGS

0:59:080:59:10

Good afternoon. Barrowland.

0:59:100:59:12

It's Aidan Moffat, and I'm not really too sure who he is.

0:59:120:59:15

You'll get tickets on the door, sir, yes.

0:59:150:59:19

We're an independent company. A family business.

0:59:210:59:24

We do the best we can.

0:59:240:59:27

And the floor makes it, as well.

0:59:270:59:28

If you look at the condition of that floor,

0:59:280:59:31

I get rattled when people say...

0:59:310:59:33

Maybe a journalist will say something, "sticky floor" or something like that.

0:59:330:59:36

I defy you go out and find a sticky spot on that floor just now.

0:59:360:59:40

You know, and to think that that floor was laid in 1960

0:59:400:59:44

and it still looks a million dollars.

0:59:440:59:47

"Know your history," you said.

0:59:510:59:54

Well, there's history here in this ballroom.

0:59:560:59:59

Where my grandparents danced the foxtrot

0:59:591:00:01

and American GIs stole the local girls.

1:00:011:00:05

Destroyed by fire in the late '50s and rebuilt in time for the '60s,

1:00:071:00:12

it had fallen out of fashion by the '70s and lay idle

1:00:121:00:15

until Simple Minds first used it in 1983.

1:00:151:00:19

The first gig I ever went to was here.

1:00:201:00:22

David Byrne in 1989, by which time the room was already a legend.

1:00:221:00:27

Bowie, Dylan, Blondie, The Kinks, REM, New Order,

1:00:291:00:35

The Fall, Nick Cave, PJ Harvey, Oasis,

1:00:351:00:39

Public Enemy, The Stone Roses,

1:00:391:00:42

Pulp, Grace Jones, Katy Perry.

1:00:421:00:45

This room's seen just about everything, Sheila.

1:00:551:00:58

But it hadn't seen you.

1:01:001:01:03

AIDAN SINGS DURING SOUND CHECK

1:01:061:01:09

See under this floor, there's lots of springs,

1:01:271:01:29

so when people are on it, it bounces.

1:01:291:01:31

Can you see Nessie? Can you see Nessie?

1:01:361:01:39

SONG PLAYS ON COMPUTER

1:01:451:01:47

Is that him singing, Aidan Moffat?

1:01:471:01:49

The music's nice, you know.

1:01:541:01:57

I'm going to cut him off. Awful sorry.

1:02:001:02:02

No, I'm just... Don't know if I'm a fan, at all.

1:02:021:02:06

Thank you for coming to

1:02:151:02:17

the last night of the Where You're Meant To Be Tour.

1:02:171:02:21

To the lady over there,

1:02:211:02:23

I decided against the kilt because I look like a bit of a fanny.

1:02:231:02:26

First of all to sing to you, unaccompanied, two guys.

1:02:261:02:29

I think they've been tanning the whisky already.

1:02:291:02:32

We've got Joe Aitken here and Geordie Murison.

1:02:321:02:34

They're going to do you a couple of songs.

1:02:341:02:36

CHEERING

1:02:361:02:37

Well, Geordie, what are we doing here the night?

1:02:391:02:41

I've nae idea, Joe.

1:02:411:02:44

I think we're are wee bit out of our comfort zone here.

1:02:441:02:47

LAUGHTER

1:02:471:02:49

WHOOPING

1:02:491:02:50

Right.

1:02:501:02:51

# Tae Glasgow town I came one night

1:02:511:02:55

# Tae spend my penny fee

1:02:551:02:58

# A bonnie lass consented there

1:02:581:03:00

# Tae bear me company

1:03:001:03:03

# Aye, hoo-hon, lenky-doo Lenky-doodle-eh

1:03:031:03:08

# Hoo-hon, lenky-doodle

1:03:081:03:10

# Too, rai, eh

1:03:101:03:13

# Well, she kent I was a ploughman's chil'

1:03:131:03:16

# A stranger tae the toon

1:03:161:03:18

# She said that neednae hinder ye

1:03:181:03:21

# Tae jog it up and doon

1:03:211:03:23

# Ho!

1:03:231:03:24

# Aye, hoo-hon, lenky-doo Lenky-doodle-eh

1:03:241:03:28

# Hoo-hon, lenky-doodle

1:03:281:03:31

# Too, rai, eh

1:03:311:03:33

# They took my watch They took my chain

1:03:331:03:36

# My spluken and my knife

1:03:361:03:38

# It's a wonder that they didnae take

1:03:381:03:41

# My wee bit spark a' life... #

1:03:411:03:43

Those old ballads warned us about the city.

1:03:461:03:49

They saw it as a pit of peril and vice.

1:03:491:03:52

But that's why I love it.

1:03:521:03:55

The lure of its lights, the secrets around its corners.

1:03:551:03:59

Every avenue and new adventure.

1:03:591:04:01

Every open door a temptress.

1:04:011:04:03

Things happen in the city.

1:04:061:04:08

And when I think about your last trip,

1:04:191:04:21

I wonder what you saw as you drove through strange streets.

1:04:211:04:25

Did you see my world?

1:04:301:04:32

Did you hear my language?

1:04:361:04:38

So this is a song about gay marriage,

1:04:461:04:48

or rather the opposition to gay marriage from gay cardinals.

1:04:481:04:52

It's called Ode To O'Brien.

1:04:541:04:57

# The cardinal, he wonders where we will all be heading

1:05:061:05:11

# Society will crumble if two laddies have a wedding

1:05:111:05:18

# But soon the truth was told and now that pious prick has flown

1:05:181:05:24

# That fucking fake had many a gay union of his own

1:05:241:05:30

WHOOPING

1:05:301:05:34

# Some people have a fanny and some people have a cock

1:05:341:05:40

# But I'll never understand whit makes some people want tae bowk

1:05:401:05:47

# At the need for human beings tae express a wee bit love

1:05:471:05:53

# Oh, you'd think that grumpy bastard would be happy up above. #

1:05:531:05:59

CHEERING

1:05:591:06:01

So this is going to be the last song me and the band play.

1:06:131:06:15

It might be the last song we play together in this line-up,

1:06:151:06:19

so before we do, thank you.

1:06:191:06:21

Ladies first, I do apologise, to Jenny here.

1:06:211:06:24

Stevie here.

1:06:241:06:26

James and Michael John.

1:06:261:06:28

This is called The Parting Song.

1:06:341:06:36

The original is actually better, I have to admit that.

1:06:361:06:39

Anyway, The Parting Song.

1:06:391:06:41

I think Sheila would like to present her side of the story

1:06:421:06:47

and do the song the way she thinks...

1:06:471:06:52

Or she knows it should be done.

1:06:521:06:55

Simple as that.

1:06:561:06:59

Aye... She'll be here.

1:06:591:07:01

I dinnae think she'll be here.

1:07:021:07:04

# Now we've all heard the hits and we know how this ends

1:07:081:07:14

# Though once we were lovers we'll never be friends

1:07:141:07:20

# As Scott Walker, Nina and Dusty did say

1:07:201:07:26

# My world will be empty if you go away

1:07:261:07:33

# So here's a health to the company

1:07:331:07:36

# Likewise to my lass

1:07:361:07:39

# Let's drink and be merry All out of one glass

1:07:391:07:45

# Let's drink and be merry

1:07:451:07:48

# All grief to refrain

1:07:481:07:51

# For we may or might never all meet here again. #

1:07:511:07:57

CHEERING

1:08:201:08:22

This is the original version!

1:09:001:09:03

LAUGHTER

1:09:031:09:06

# Oh, kind friends and companions

1:09:091:09:13

# Come join me in rhyme

1:09:131:09:17

# And lift up your voices in chorus wi' mine

1:09:171:09:25

# Let's drink and be merry All grief to refrain

1:09:251:09:32

# For we may or might never All meet here again

1:09:321:09:42

# Oh, my ship lies in harbour She's ready tae sail...

1:09:481:09:55

That's the bit I got wrong.

1:09:551:09:56

# God grant her safe voyage without any gale

1:09:561:10:05

# And if we should meet again

1:10:051:10:08

# Be it land or on sea

1:10:081:10:13

# I will always remember

1:10:131:10:19

# Your kindness tae me

1:10:191:10:24

# So here's a health to the company

1:10:241:10:28

# Likewise to my lass

1:10:281:10:32

# Let's drink and be merry

1:10:321:10:35

# All out of one glass

1:10:351:10:39

# Let's drink and be merry

1:10:391:10:43

# All grief to refrain

1:10:431:10:48

# For we may or might never

1:10:481:10:53

# All meet here again. #

1:10:531:10:59

Yoo!

1:10:591:11:01

CHEERING

1:11:011:11:03

Thank you. Thank you.

1:11:051:11:07

We never met again.

1:11:461:11:48

And I don't know where you've gone.

1:11:521:11:54

I can't say where I'm going.

1:11:561:11:58

So here's to where we are right now,

1:12:011:12:05

to all tomorrow's travels.

1:12:051:12:07

And all we leave behind.

1:12:101:12:12

# The cocks are crowing

1:12:161:12:18

# Love, I must be going

1:12:181:12:23

# The cocks are crowing

1:12:241:12:27

# Love, I must away

1:12:271:12:33

# The cocks are crowing

1:12:331:12:37

# Love, I must be going

1:12:371:12:43

# For we are both servants and I must obey. #

1:12:431:12:52

Right. Get a bit of gaffer tape on it.

1:13:271:13:31

Oh!

1:13:381:13:40

Oh, I've... It's broken.

1:13:401:13:42

Should still be all right, I think.

1:13:421:13:45

Right, drop. Go.

1:13:451:13:48

Oh.

1:13:481:13:50

Ah! It will pull over, though.

1:13:501:13:52

Bugger.

1:13:521:13:54

Just try and get rid of the wood altogether.

1:13:541:13:57

# Somewhere unseen and deep inside

1:13:571:14:00

# The lucky sperm and egg collide

1:14:001:14:03

# The zygote's little cells divide

1:14:031:14:06

# The morula goes for a ride

1:14:061:14:09

# This tiny tryst makes blastocyst

1:14:091:14:12

# And soon the mind and heart exist

1:14:121:14:17

# And then you arrive... #

1:14:171:14:20

John, is that yourself?

1:14:241:14:27

Robert? Aye, aye.

1:14:271:14:29

What you doing here? I came to speak to you, big man.

1:14:291:14:33

About what? I want you to back me as king.

1:14:331:14:35

I want you to come with me.

1:14:351:14:37

Back you as king? Balliol's the king.

1:14:371:14:39

Aye. He's a knob, though.

1:14:391:14:41

And plenty of people will try and tell you where we came from.

1:14:491:14:52

But we can only ever know what we can see.

1:14:521:14:56

So tonight, look up to the sky.

1:14:561:15:00

There's at least a hundred billion galaxies with a hundred billion stars

1:15:001:15:05

and every single one could be a sun just like ours.

1:15:051:15:10

You see, we're all just links in a chain and all life is finite.

1:15:121:15:18

Ah, you bastard!

1:15:181:15:20

Oh, we've knocked the table down. Sorry.

1:15:221:15:25

Bruce! Oh, aye. What you doing, man?

1:15:251:15:27

I just wasted these two guys. Are you sure?

1:15:271:15:30

Not quite, no.

1:15:301:15:33

Take that. Go to Scone.

1:15:331:15:36

I've got my own. What time's the train?

1:15:361:15:40

So use your time wisely, look after your teeth,

1:15:401:15:45

and try not to hurt anyone.

1:15:451:15:48

And remember - we invented love.

1:15:481:15:52

And that's the greatest story ever told.

1:15:541:15:57

So what kind of material do you sing, then?

1:16:001:16:02

Indie music? Kind of, aye.

1:16:021:16:05

I dinnae ken what indie music is, though.

1:16:051:16:07

I thought it had come fi' India.

1:16:071:16:09

The idea of having hot running water and inside toilets -

1:16:201:16:22

you know, it was really exciting.

1:16:221:16:24

Growing Up In Scotland continues...

1:16:241:16:26

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