Episode 6 The Mart

Farming is a risky business.

And when it's time to make money, the stakes are high.

30,000.

Thainstone Mart - one of Europe's biggest livestock markets.

If you want perfection, there it is.

That is some machine.

Brrrr.

Sheep, cattle and machinery

auctioned to the highest bidder, day in, day out.

Farmers spend months getting ready for their big sales day...

You full brute.

..and buyers need nerves of steel to bag the bargains.

Folk can easily get carried away.

It's a bit of an adrenaline thing, bidding.

Fortunes can be made and dreams can be dashed...

..all in the blink of an eye.

Always expect the unexpected, eh?

Welcome to...

The mart's hitting the road this time.

What do you think they're worth?

Auctioneer Colin Slessor is catching up with an old friend.

Well, if you get that, I'll dance at your silver wedding.

AUCTIONEER CRIES

Charlie Morrison does his best to build up the pension pot

for retiring farmers Gordon and Lorna Hector.

Oh, a big crowd today.

As long as there's plenty of money, that's the main thing.

Stand!

And an obstreperous bull gives his handler a hard time.

Will he behave himself in the ring?

BULL LOWS

Thainstone Mart...

With annual sales in excess of £100 million

and more than 5,000 members,

this co-operative is right at the heart of Scotland's rural economy.

It's late November, but festive preparations

start early at Thainstone.

There's no party for yard supervisor Robbie Cruickshank, though,

as he's getting ready for the Christmas Classic -

a showcase for some of the best livestock in Scotland.

All different types of animals are going in the pens,

like the pedigree bulls and the fat stock and...

..the pedigree sheep.

With pens full of premium livestock to prepare for,

the last thing Robbie needs is a burst pipe.

But that's exactly what he's got.

That pipe's burst.

We'll have to shut off the water.

Robbie and assistant Charlie need to turn the water off.

That's the pump shut off.

Now...

This thread is going, but...

With hundreds of animals due to be hosed down and spruced up,

ready for the sale, Robbie can't afford for the water

to be off for long.

See what I can do there.

The kind of unexpected things coming in your path.

It just makes your day more interesting.

Interesting is one word for it.

With the beasts stacking up...

..turning the water off

is only the first step towards solving the problem.

Away from the mart, head sheep auctioneer Colin Slessor

is on his way to Perthshire to visit an old friend...

Finlay McIntire.

Back a whiley ago, when I seen him,

I thought the first figure would be an eight.

The pair worked together for nearly eight years at Thainstone,

before Finlay left, a year ago,

to manage the estate near Kinloch Rannoch,

where he grew up.

Look here! Look! Come in about here now.

I was born and raised here, my father was born in the glen here,

my grandfather. It's a once-in-a-lifetime, for me,

opportunity to come back home.

Take your time!

Finlay wants Colin to sell 80 of his Blackface lambs.

It's a rare chance for the pair to catch up...

But Finlay's never been at the mercy of Colin's valuation before.

-How're you getting on?

-Welcome to the wilds, Colin.

Jeepers creepers, good to see you, boy.

Good to see you, too. Are you keeping well?

I'm fine, aye. Yourself?

Och, just wearing away.

I've been up here. I was up here on holiday many years ago,

I think. I stayed at the Dunalastair Hotel.

They mind of you, like.

They said when you were here, to go back

-and just get that bill paid.

-You're kidding on.

-The slate's still there.

-There's nae...

I've paid my bill. Dinnae start.

What are we here to see? Your puckle lambs?

They're doon in this... The field doon the bottom side here.

You're the opinion that counts here.

Well, it's no my opinion, it's the buyers' opinion,

you know that better than most.

It's like being on telly here,

-One Man And His Dog.

-Come by.

She's away.

HE WHISTLES

They're looking a bit sorry, today.

They've had a couple of days of hard weather.

-Yeah, they're decent sheep.

-They should be all right.

You'll be getting carried away like you used to be.

There, Colin. See what you think they're worth.

What they're worth, that's the million-dollar question.

What do I usually do? I usually write on the price on here, don't I?

I know, yes. I've not seen that done for about a year now.

Well, that's your fault for leaving.

I've wrote a price on my hand, and we'll see how far apart we are.

I would hope... Somewhere maybe £42 to £45.

Oh! Hold me up, hold me up.

I'm feeling a wee bit... I'm feeling a wee bit wobbly at the knees.

I've gone a wee bit too high, I think.

Well, if you get that, I'll dance at your silver wedding.

Finlay's all smiles at Colin's valuation of his sheep.

-Good to see you, too.

-Nae bother.

-Take care.

-You travel safe. Aye. Will do.

But there's a lot riding

on his return to the Thainstone auction ring.

I'm looking forward to getting some money in for my employers.

You only get one chance to sell them,

and, hopefully, it'll turn them out and they'll take folks' eye.

We'll just have to wait and see.

We're in the hands of the men that know better then me what'll happen.

Aye, it'd be like you to back off!

In Aberdeenshire, the mart's Charlie Morrison has arrived.

He's at this farm in Auchnagatt to prepare

for a very different kind of sale.

She likes her wee birds.

So do you!

Newlyweds Gordon and Lorna Hector, they only married last year,

are retiring and selling up.

They're getting ready for a roup.

I just came in one day and said to Lorna, "I'm fed up of this.

I want to stop. I've just made up my mind I'd like to stop."

Gordon's giving up his lease,

and called in Charlie to sell everything

accumulated on the farm over the last 40 years.

Mower, baler.

-Baler. Combine last.

-Combine last, combine last.

It's up to Charlie to bring in as much money as he can

for each of the lots.

Everything from anvils and road signs to tractors.

Hope we get enough pennies for it.

Hope to get 20 grand plus, hopefully.

The tractor is only seven years old,

but some lots have a bit more history attached.

Well, this is another old-fashioned bit of equipment.

It's for making cheese.

I mind my mother... I've screwed this at home when I was in there,

when I was awa' back when I was a wee boy.

She put the cheese in below,

and then you screwed it and lifted the weight on top.

I wasn't just particularly wanting to sell it,

but Charlie kind of twisted my arm.

It'll be down to Charlie to get a good price.

Gordon and Lorna Hector are relying on him.

But he's never less than confident.

It's going to be a big roup due to...

..good machinery...

..and popularity.

Gordon's very popular.

Definitely. Time will tell, but I think I'm richt.

In fact, I ken I'm richt.

At Thainstone, preparations for the Christmas Classic are on hold

as Robbie Cruickshank tries to get the water back on.

Hundreds of dirty animals and their owners are depending on it.

Are you needing to wash and manure for these here?

I think Jim's needs a wee wash and manure.

Is it cold water or hot water you're needing?

But with a plumber on the way to fix the broken pipe,

a workaround is required.

We'll switch it off at the wash main line and then leaving it...

the bit for inside the boiler on so they can wash the cattle.

That's all right.

The water's back on, and the cattle can be washed

and made ready for the Christmas Classic.

That's his shower gel he's putting onto him.

Get him all sweetened up.

Just like yourself on a Saturday night, try and look your best.

For Robbie, it's all in a morning's work.

It's better if you can put your hand to anything, really,

that's kind of the job here, like, you have to multitask a bit.

I don't like to be stuck to one line job.

Going into a factory would be no use to me.

Preparing for the Christmas Classic at the farm in Fochabers

are Laura Green and Simmental bull...

..Guinness.

They get used to it, they know what it's about.

They know they get outside, stretch their legs.

So I think they probably quite enjoy it.

Laura's training him for the show ring,

getting him used to being led around on a rope.

We can walk him round by hand.

It's just that bit more security -

so if he was to get a spook in the field, he can't run away from me.

Laura's been looking after 20-month-old Guinness

since he was born.

He's just a day old in this photograph,

so he's grown up a lot since then.

He certainly has! Tipping the scales at over a ton,

Guinness is going to be sold at the Christmas Classic.

Good boy. Good boy.

Laura hopes he'll achieve a better price

if he takes a prize in the pedigree bull show.

But he's never been in the show ring before.

You've just got to learn to stay calm.

You can't afford to get nervous when you're handling such an animal

that could pick up on it.

That's the last thing you want to do is make the bull nervous.

You've got to act confident around them

and just go canny with them.

Laura looks after Guinness for her cattle breeder dad Ian.

Hi, Laura. How are you getting on?

-Fine.

-Good. Is he behaving?

Yeah.

He's a hard taskmaster and expects high standards

in the ring from Guinness. And Laura.

-Good boy.

-OK, walk on with him.

Good boy. Come on, then.

Good boy.

Ian's looking for around £4,000 for Guinness

when he goes under the hammer at the Christmas Classic.

I think you've just about done all you can do, Laura.

-Yeah.

-It'll be down to the auctioneer now.

I think he's getting a bit fed up of this.

There's thousands of pounds riding on the outcome,

but Laura won't know until she gets there

if Guinness will be good for HER on his first trip into the show ring.

Good boy. Come on.

A new day at the mart...

And with 3,500 sheep and lambs to be sold, it's going to be a busy one.

In ring two, Colin Slessor is well into his stride

as former colleague Finlay McIntyre arrives.

73. 73...

Finlay's more used to auctioning sheep from the box.

But today, he's selling 80 lambs from the estate farm

he's been running for the last year.

Last night, I went to bed

and I just had to worry about getting 80 lambs sold,

not 1,080 lambs or 2,080 lambs.

But you miss it, too, like.

The pressure is still on Finlay, though.

He's got the boss to keep happy,

and a good price for his Blackface lambs will do that.

A price that's dependent on Colin in the box now.

No, thank you. No, you'll manage just fine.

OK. Good lambs coming in - Dunalastair.

The 79 lambs are being sold in two lots.

-That's a cracking pen.

-But who's estimate will they reach?

Finlay's of £45 a head or Colin's of £47?

43, 44, 45,

46, 47.

47. 47.

I'll take 50. 48 bid.

48 bid. 50. 49 bid.

49.50. At £49.50.

-I'll sell them, sir?

-Yes.

49.50. Anybody else?

Wave out. I don't want to miss you.

Finlay wouldn't let me live it down.

49.50.

£49.50.

Colin Simpson.

A fantastic start - £49.50 a head.

That's better than either of them predicted.

Look at this, boys. What a show of lambs - Dunalastair.

£40, I'm bid. Help the man, here.

41, 42, 43, 44, 44, 44.

You're out again. 44.50.

-Sell away, sir?

-Yes.

44.50. 45 bid.

45 bid. 45 bid. I put them on market.

45 and away. 45, McHardy.

£45 a head, very respectable.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you, sir.

-All the best.

-Cheers.

-I'll see you later, Finlay boy.

-Yes, cheerio.

-Thank you. It's good to see you.

And Finlay's delighted.

It's OK, John. I'm happy with that.

The lambs averaged just over £47 each,

as Colin is quick to point out.

Finlay, Finlay, right again.

I know!

I've known him wrong a few times.

I've marked them on the calendar.

If you ever want to come back, I'll easy show you.

No, no! He knows his job very well and he works hard for his customers,

he always has done. So I'm happy today.

It helps pay some of the winter bills

that we're getting now for feed and suchlike and straw.

So, aye, it's been a good day's business.

I've got a feather in my bonnet today, so I'm quite happy.

-Shall we get a bit of lunch?

-Aye.

At Slampton Farm near Auchnagatt...

-Hello, big loon.

-Charlie Morrison is gearing up

for Gordon and Lorna Hector's roup.

Do your best for me, Charlie.

I'm going on to a pension.

Wait till I get my hankie!

THEY LAUGH

Hundreds have turned up for the sale

that marks the end of Gordon's farming career,

and, hopefully, sets him and Lorna up for retirement.

Great to see a lot of people here.

It's just brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

And Gordon's fair looking forward to his day, eh?

Well, well, we'll just have till.

And Charlie's in the mood for it, too.

Oh, a big crowd today.

A big crowd today. The ground's all sweet.

The farmers cannae get nothing done on the ground,

so they'll be here today.

As long as there's plenty money, that's the main thing.

Right then, first lot.

Right, pound bid. One bid away...

AUCTIONEER CRIES

Charlie starts with the small stuff.

One bid away. One pound to George.

A pound isn't going to get the Hectors a cruise,

but there are hundreds of lots.

AUCTIONEER CRIES

Of course, if you're not bidding,

Charlie's performance is a show in itself.

Number 1334.

Now, look at that. That's before his Coco Pops!

100, 50...

He is absolutely meant for that job.

He really is good.

He's fantastic.

100, 100.

100. 100. And you lose it away. 100!

The lots are going thick and fast,

but not all of them are meant to be sold.

Picking out the good things.

HE LAUGHS

No, that belongs to something that I'm keeping.

-AUCTIONEER CRIES

-£2.00

£2.00, but many a mickle makes a muckle, as they say.

And it's time to move on to the big ticket items...

..including Gordon's tractor.

He's looking for £20,000 for it.

16, 16,000.

But it's turned into a bit of a grind.

You don't know how lucky you are. 16,100.

16,100.

16,200.

16,200.

And the hammer's up. 16,200 once.

16,200 twice.

The last at 16,200.

Charlie's not happy - nearly 4,000 less than Gordon wanted.

Ah, well, I was a wee bit disappointed with my big tractor,

but you win some, you lose some.

It's time for Charlie to pull out the stops

and fill up Gordon's retirement fund.

1,600.

55, 56.

8,000. And I've scratched the paint.

You've stopped!

600.

I'm bid 3,000 once...

600 away.

20,000 twice.

8,000 away.

And the last at 20.

500.

And the big finish,

Charlie's milking the crowd for all they're worth,

selling Gordon's cheese press.

600.

620.

650.

I'm going to sell her. Make no mistake!

650.

650, a great price.

And as the crowds disperse

and machinery makes its way to its new home,

Charlie and Gordon take stock.

Are you happy?

Yes. You did a very good job.

-Thank you very much.

-Just your excellent job.

-Just your usual, Charlie.

-Just speaking rubbish.

-Very good.

-All the best, Gordon.

Right, Charlie, thank you.

In a little over four hours,

Charlie has raised more than £150,000

for Gordon and Lorna's retirement fund.

And they already know how they're going to spend it.

Oh, well.

Oh, well, once we get settled into our new house,

we'd like to do a wee bit of travelling, maybe,

and enjoy ourselves.

Charlie, however, doesn't have that luxury.

No, no, no, I cannae afford to retire.

Times are hard, you ken, and friends are few.

At Thainstone, everyone is getting ready for the Christmas Classic.

Among the sellers are Ian and Laura Green,

with their pedigree bull, Guinness.

Hopefully, we're going to be able to get Guinness sold to a good home

for a good price.

But before the sale, the show.

If Guinness can take a prize, it could boost his price,

but he's never been off the farm before,

and Laura doesn't know how he'll react.

Steady.

Guinness, behave.

Steady.

Stand. Stand.

Stand.

There's only one other bull in the Simmental class,

but the judge is taking his time coming to a decision.

BULL LOWS

Good boy.

Steady.

Despite all of Laura's training,

Guinness is proving to be a bit of a handful.

Stand.

Guinness!

Stand!

Ian's doing his best to put a positive spin on it...

Some judges think if they're too sleepy and docile,

then they haven't got enough action to them,

but you like them to stand, if possible, for the judge.

Just stand, for God's sake.

Guinness!

-ANNOUNCEMENT:

-'This is going to be awarded...'

Despite all his obstreperous behaviour,

Guinness and Laura still manage to take first prize.

Stand!

And Dad's delighted.

Stand.

Yeah, very pleased. Yeah, that's good.

I was happy for Laura.

You were getting a bit flustered, but you didn't worry once.

-I never flustered.

-No, no.

-He was flustering.

-Nah, nah, he was just happy he won.

-BULL LOWS

-Oh, that's a good boy.

But like every other farmer, it's not about the prizes,

it's about the prices.

And if Guinness is going to go for big money,

he'll have to hold his nerve when he enters the sale ring with Laura.

In Dundee, head sheep auctioneer Colin Slessor is on an awayday.

That's bound to be one of the favourites, isn't it?

-The original Oor Wullie.

-The original.

Alongside mart colleague Alan Hutcheon,

he's about to auction off 70 sculptures

of iconic comic strip character

Oor Wullie for charity.

I think that one looks a bit like me.

Aye, I suppose so.

Thick arms like you!

Dinnae be so cheeky!

Thick heid, maybe!

You're some boy.

They're relaxed at the moment, but there's rivalry in play.

-Dungarees...

-Alan sold a dolphin statue at a charity auction

last year for £55,000...

..and he's never let Colin forget it.

That was a golfer...

Mine was a golfing dolphin that made the most money.

What did you get for that, 55,000...?

-55,000.

-For the golfing dolphin.

-So no pressure.

-No pressure!

But there is a serious point behind tonight's auction.

The money Colin and Alan raise

for the great and the good of Dundee

will be used to buy a new operating theatre

for Tayside Children's Hospital.

But the boys are used to valuing beef and mutton, not fibreglass.

Buying an Oor Wullie is a different challenge.

I think... I hope they'll all be making, you know,

a couple of thousand or more.

Among the potential purchasers

preparing to put their hands in their pockets

is lifeboat volunteer Ewan Philp from Broughty Ferry.

And he doesn't want just ANY old Oor Wullie...

He wants this one.

It's been situated in the pier at Broughty Ferry,

and we've really just grown a love for him being down there,

and thought that we'd start a bit of a crowdfunding

with the community in Broughty Ferry

to see if we could buy him.

But it won't be easy -

there's a full house and hundreds more bidders online.

Ewan, Colin and Alan will all have their work cut out.

At Thainstone, the Christmas Classic is well under way,

with head cattle auctioneer John Angus very much in charge.

At 2,008.

Anxious to enter the sale ring are Laura Green and Guinness.

BULL LOWS

Guinness didn't exactly cover himself in glory with his behaviour

during the pre-sales show,

and Laura's father Ian is nervous

that he'll start to act up again.

Keep his heid up. When you go into the box up here,

bide back until the boy shuts the crush.

OK. He's slamming the doors - terrible, it might scare him.

Come on, boy.

Bidding on pedigree bulls is done in guineas...

..that's £1.05.

Nae less than 3,700.

2,000. 2,400.

2,600.

2,600. 2,800.

Bidding is brisk,

but Guinness doesn't seem to be comfortable in the ring.

3,600. 3,800.

3,800. 4,000.

4,200. 4,200.

4,300.

4,400. 4,500.

Show the length of him.

At 4,600 bid.

4,600. 4,700.

At 4,700. At 4,700.

Well done.

4,700. 1,000 guineas more than Ian's reserve and a total of £4,935.

-Good boy.

-Happy, Laura?

-Yeah.

-Good.

-Big hugs for the boy.

He's been a good boy.

But although he's made a good price,

it's time for Laura to say goodbye to Guinness.

I'm sure you'll enjoy all of your new lady friends, anyway.

I am a little bit sad now, I have to say.

Och, you know, you just get on with it,

and there'll be lots of other young bulls coming up in the springtime.

Bye-bye. He might miss me,

but I think he'll be looking forward to seeing lots of ladies.

But, no, definitely a good day at the mart.

5,000. 5,000 bid.

At 5,000...

In Dundee, mart men Colin and Alan

are taking control of a charity auction.

At 14,000.

At £14,000.

Yes, sir. Number 47.

They have to sell 70 statues of Oor Wullie,

squeezing as much cash as they can from the bidders

for Tayside Children's Hospital.

20,000.

£20,000.

And they're doing a cracking job.

At £22,000.

The lots are going for tens of thousands of pounds.

£34,000 goes to...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In the audience, becoming increasingly apprehensive,

is Ewan Philp.

Oor Life-saver. Lot number 44.

The lifeboat volunteer is hoping to buy

Oor Life-saver for Broughty Ferry.

-£5,000.

-The community raised £12,000 to get it.

But the way prices are going...

-7,000. 8,000.

-..it might not be enough.

8,000 bid.

9,000. At 9,000.

9,000 bid. At 10,000, 10,000 bid.

At 10,000. Going to be sold then. 10,000.

£10,000. Yes, sir, 10,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

A sigh of relief from Ewan, and smiles all round in Broughty Ferry.

Don't let the average down, Colin.

Don't let the average down.

It's Colin's turn in the box.

He's determined to beat Alan's charity record of £55,000

for a fibreglass dolphin.

Let's go. What do you say?

Start me...

He thinks he can do it with this original Oor Wullie

he spotted earlier.

10,000 bid.

12,000. 12,000. 15,000. 15,000. 20,000.

And the bidding rapidly escalates.

At 40,000 it goes, then.

All out on the internet.

At 40,000. At 45,000.

45,000. 45,000. 45,000, it goes.

Are you doing it? 50,000. 50,000 is bid.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Don't clap yet, we're not finished!

Last and final call.

50,000, it goes, sir.

Are you bidding? 50,000, away.

50,000, thank you.

It goes to Gareth Wood.

Thank you.

£50,000, the biggest sale of the day.

And by the end of the evening,

Colin and Alan have raised £883,000 for charity.

But the star of the show was the original Oor Wullie.

50,000, you know,

that's by far the biggest figure I've ever sold at a charity auction.

-You know...

-It doesn't beat 55,000.

No, it doesn't beat 55. You're right.

The 55,000 dolphin does beat it.

-It beats it.

-There's always a wee bit of something.

There's a wee bit of rivalry, yes.

It looks like it'll be a long drive home,

and when they get back to Thainstone,

the rivalry will continue...

because the selling never stops at The Mart.