Calling George Doctors

Hello?

PHONE RINGS

Yeah? Where are you?

Just arrived outside Park House.

Enter freely, and of your own free will.

Thought you were going to say, "No rest for the wicked."

House for sale, one careful owner.

The power's still on. I haven't checked upstairs.

You might want to take a look around.

If you happen to come across a flashlight on your travels,

that's the second one I've lost this week.

So, what kept you?

Took me a minute to find the place.

You'd think it'd be hard to miss.

Yeah, so, er... What, you usually up on the main campus?

-Yep, this is terra incognita.

-Yeah.

-When's it coming down?

-Day after tomorrow.

They'd pull it down now, if it was up to me.

Listen, can I give you a piece of advice?

Take a quick look round.

If you find a couple of flashlights, that's a bonus, eh?

I'll be keeping an eye on it till I finish.

I'll be popping back later.

Er, maybe just stay inside the car, eh?

That's not how we're meant to do things.

Look, Gary...

Barry.

Sorry, Barry. I'm Gareth. Barry...

what I'm trying to say is...

maybe just forget how we're meant to do things, eh?

You know the demolition guys won't come up here?

I've had flashlights go missing, I've...

OK, I'm done.

You go up there, you'll scare yourself. I'm not joking.

And I'm not the sort of bloke who's easily scared.

That's just the point, though, isn't it, Barry?

Neither am I.

Hey, Gareth. I've just found both your flashlights.

Give me a call if you need them.

Otherwise, I'll leave them by the stairs.

They say if you leave something behind, mate,

it means you don't really want to go.

LOUD BANG

Hello?

CRUNCHING

Hello?

Whoa, Sheriff! Friendly! Don't shoot.

You just gave me the fright of my life!

I didn't think there was anybody up here.

And, strictly speaking, there shouldn't be,

Teresa McKenna.

I teach fashion design, very badly.

I know who you are.

You're Barry, right?

Don't panic, I've seen you on campus.

OK, so I am also that woman standing in your garden at 3:00 am.

Joke. No, seriously, I used to teach here.

I'm looking for a box of VHS tapes, about so big.

I hope it got missed when everything moved.

Best resource I had on haute couture.

Right, well, also seriously -

I'm afraid this site's restricted under health and safety.

I'm going to close up that window, have a look round upstairs, then,

haute couture or not, I'm afraid I'll need to ask you to vacate.

I'm surprised you're up here all on your own, to tell the truth.

I think a colleague of mine downstairs was trying to tell me

he'd seen a ghost.

What's on the tapes?

Coco Chanel.

Ah, inventor of the little black dress.

Hey! Check out Mr Fashion Knowledge!

Not many guys from security would know that, let alone come up here.

Yes, well, some of us have got jobs to do and also have enquiring minds.

So, how are you with the smell of pipe smoke?

Honestly. There's a smell of pipe smoke.

Why do you think I opened the window?

You're saying there's a ghost who smokes a pipe?

I've got one more place to look.

You give me ten minutes, I'll tell you the story.

I promise that I'll make it worth your while.

How about we just settle for the trailer?

OK. So...there is a ghost.

I suppose you could say Park House is haunted.

We call him George.

It's haunted?

Mainly this room, those back stairs, especially the top room.

-And that's the story?

-That's the start.

The story's on the other side of that door.

LIGHT KNOCKING

So, how do you feel about a chat with Georgie Boy?

A student I used to teach said I should talk to him.

I used to hear his footsteps, coming down there.

You'd brace yourself, open the door,

absolutely zip.

Chatting to him seemed to help.

It calmed things down, lightened the mood.

Made it feel a bit less sad.

It was like he didn't want to be here all on his own.

So, what's the story?

So, we got this new cleaner a couple of years back.

Only, it didn't work out.

Her first day, we're all downstairs grabbing a coffee,

she comes in and says she's just had a chat with the caretaker.

She describes this young guy, quite pleasant, 20s,

dark hair, darkish jacket.

Says they talked for about a minute,

but she came back up a minute later, and he'd gone.

Only the caretaker's a grey-haired guy in his early 60s,

who was away that day doing jury service.

So, the theory is she'd just met George?

Well, the theory is George died here.

So, quirky building and, for some odd reason, until we got it changed,

the door to the top room would close and lock from the outside.

I got stuck there myself once.

We think George got trapped there,

maybe after an accident, and died before anyone found him.

So, he doesn't like being alone.

Can you imagine what that must have felt like?

He could have been up there for days.

DISTANT THUD

Where did she see him?

The cleaner? Up in the top room.

George's Den.

Hashtag - "Spook Central".

She said she was standing just where you are.

George was roughly over there.

The other thing about George is, he likes to move things.

He likes you to know he's still around.

My student said things sometimes turn up, if you ask.

As if anyone's going to catch me talking to a ghost!

I thought this belonged to the university?

They bought it off Letherbridge Council.

It's been all sorts over the years.

These look like a set of doctor's notebooks.

Any mention of Coco Chanel?

OK.

George. This is Teresa.

Can you hear me?

I've got to go now. I really need that tape.

Please?

Doesn't always work.

THUD

What's that?

-HE CLEARS THROAT

-Coco Chanel.

Is this what you were looking for?

All we need now is pipe smoke.

Er, hi, Gareth, it's Barry. I, er, may need a little bit of backup.

I'm at Park House. I can hang on till somebody gets here,

but, er, to tell you the truth, I've lost those keys.

Can you call me?

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

ENGINE STARTS, THEN RATTLES

Oh, my horoscope said I'd get some unexpected news

from a man in uniform!

Make sure you don't get stopped for speeding on your way home.

Erm, I was wondering if I might grab a word with one of the doctors.

It's something I'd rather discuss discretely, to tell the truth.

Not sure everyone need know.

All right, listen up, you lot - this is my new best friend, Barry,

because Barry spent last night in a haunted house!

I never said that. I said I was intrigued.

Intrigued by what, Barry?

Come on, don't be shy. We're all ears now!

BARRY SIGHS

There's a building called Park House,

over on the far side of campus. It's being pulled down in the morning,

so I was over there last night.

I met a woman inside who said she used to work there.

Better than Ghost Adventures, this!

Basically, she's called Teresa, she teaches fashion design,

and she thinks Park House has a ghost called George.

So she's hunting high and low for this VHS tape,

and she tells Barry that George likes to move things.

So, she asks George where it is, like, into thin air, and,

the next second...

I found it.

Proving what?

So, we're saying there's a ghost who finds things?

-"More things in heaven and earth."

-Sid has got a point. I mean,

Hamlet tells Horatio there are "More things in heaven and earth

"than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

He doesn't mean "philosophy" in the sense we do.

He means "natural philosophy," which is what we'd call science.

Have you ever thought that you're wasted as a security guard?

Of course, it's Rene Descartes who takes this process of

systematic doubt to its logical conclusion,

suggesting our minds exist separately from our bodies.

Of course, there's no actual proof of a split between ourselves

and the physical world, but

our consciousness could, at least in theory, occupy

a physical space outside our bodies and carry on after we're dead.

So, what are you saying? You believe in ghosts?

There are more things in heaven and earth.

All I know is I'm back there tonight. Oh, I nearly forgot.

I found a doctor's handwritten notebook,

relic from before the NHS.

Let's have a look. What's the condition?

"Costiveness"?

Archaic medical term for constipation.

Oh, clever!

There's a whole box of them where that came from.

Hey, do you know who'd like to see those? Al.

I was thinking someone ought to take a look before tomorrow.

I'll go. You can't chuck this out! This is history, this.

Listen, if you catch up with this Teresa woman,

you could ask her maybe a bit more about George.

Yeah, assuming she wasn't a ghost herself.

Listen, I'm serious! Where's fashion design?

-It's in the McMillan Building.

-Right.

Hang on!

Hi, is that Teresa?

Teresa, it's Ayesha Lee from the Mill Health Centre.

I've got someone here who wants to talk to you.

Yes, hello, this is Barry Biglow, the security guard from Park House.

-I, erm...

-(Hurry up!)

I think I'm supposed to check whether or not you're real.

Park House last night?

Yesterday evening.

No, that couldn't have been me.

Relax, Barry. I'm pulling your leg!

I mean, apart from the fact that I don't cast a shadow.

BARRY SIGHS

You know they say haunted houses are always cold.

You should take a thermometer.

Or a movement sensor, or a thermal camera.

I could just go wired for sound!

Right, who wants to see him?

This is from Teresa's iPhone. George Malone.

This is really him?

According to Teresa. She's been doing some research.

We could get on one of those websites, do a bit more.

Listen, I've got to go.

I'm due back there at five o'clock.

-I'll swing by at quarter to and pick you up.

-Cool.

Say hello to George!

You say this gets demolished tomorrow?

Tonight's its last night.

I can't find those keys.

-Where exactly did you look?

-All over.

All right. Downstairs. I see you brought reinforcements.

Yes, this is Doctor Vere.

-I'm just a mate of Barry's.

-So, what do you think?

I do wonder whether this place is really haunted.

That's exactly what I said.

So, where do you think you put them?

If I knew that, I wouldn't be looking.

It's two degrees Celsius colder than it is outside.

Then again, there is a north-facing aspect.

So, where's Spook Central, then?

-Five degrees.

-Poor insulation.

Something else going on, though, isn't there? A sort of feeling.

Like he was up here, all alone, when something bad happened.

-I take it these are them?

-Mm-hm.

These are from more than just one doctor,

and they're not just from Letherbridge.

1922! Tell you what, if we've got some antique shelves,

we could start a little library!

It's a good job you mentioned these, Barry.

It'd be a sad end to it all, wouldn't it?

All those patients, all that care - just dumped in some old box,

like you were nothing.

When I was in Mexico City, I heard this story - the Ironed Lady.

She's this nurse who gets rejected by some young doctor

she fell in love with and dies from a broken heart.

She appears and heals the sick, always in this immaculate uniform.

Was she any good at finding keys?

Can I ask you something, Barry?

Why did you come to the Mill?

To tell someone about those.

It wasn't because, you know, you just needed to talk?

It's just the way you were speaking.

It seemed like you'd really thought something through.

I don't know, like this place had got to you.

Yeah. Well, all that earlier on wasn't the whole story.

The full version is he was trapped up here and that he died,

and nobody noticed.

And that bothered you, did it? Him being trapped, feeling lonely.

-Nothing's bothered me.

-It's OK to talk, you know, Barry.

It doesn't make you ill.

All very well for you to say.

I mean, I'm not having a go, but people like listening to you.

You're gregarious. Funny.

You know how to grab people's interest.

I'm Barry Biglow, ten-a-penny security guard from Letherbridge.

What was it Karen said? "Wasted"?

She meant the way that you were talking about Hamlet.

That was meant to be a compliment.

Yeah, well, maybe Karen's different. Most people just glaze over.

I think you underestimate how people see you.

Maybe that way, I'm not disappointed.

Can I give you some advice, Barry?

Why would you want to do that?

As a friend.

It's not your fault that you're the soul of a philosopher,

trapped in the body of a bloke with a torch.

If people don't get you, then just forget them.

Just value the things that you believe in,

and say more of what's on your mind.

Because, when you do talk, Barry,

people don't actually glaze over, you know.

-Do you know what they really do?

-What?

They really listen.

DISTANT THUD

Wait there.

Hello?

MOANING

SHE SHRIEKS, HE YELPS

Oh, your face!

You could've given me flaming heart failure!

It was her idea.

Sorry, Barry, it was HER idea.

You do know you're not supposed to be up here?

Ah, yeah, but we've found something.

We've been on one of those genealogy sites.

Turns out there was a George Malone.

-Last address, what?

-Er, Hartford Road.

Yeah, over by the campus.

We don't know what he did, he didn't have any kids.

But given when he was born, he could have worked here.

There's only one problem.

If this is right, then that photograph's wrong.

Your mate Teresa said he died when he was young.

Somewhere in his 20s.

This guy was aged 73 when he died.

MOONLIGHT SONATA PLAYS

You are kidding me!

I'm not the only one hearing that?

You scared us half to death.

Nothing to be frightened of.

Is this where you found the box of tapes?

Right where Karen's standing.

This might be something for the Historical Society, you know,

or even the uni.

Is it me or is it cold?

No, it's not cold. It's absolutely freezing.

It's half a degree colder since you two came in.

You want to know the coldest spot?

Right over by that door.

MUSIC STOPS

So this is its last night...

-Right, OK, that's it, I've had enough. Come on.

-Yeah.

-See you.

-Get a move on!

-Thank you.

-Any time. I mean it.

-What time do you finish?

-Just after 10:30.

I know where we can grab a beer. Just about make last orders.

OK.

CREAKING, DOOR CLOSES

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

Have you got any jump leads?

No, but I've got some spray stuff. Pass me that. Ta.

Try again, Barry.

Shift over. My car's a wreck, I'm good at this stuff.

Try it again.

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

CREAKING

George?

Listen,

I don't normally do this, but there's something I need to say.

I do know what it's like to feel ignored, to feel lonely.

Taken for granted.

All on your own, not waving but basically drowning.

If there was something I could do to help you, mate, I would do.

But thing is, I've got to go.

And if you wouldn't mind finding me those keys, George,

-I really, really...

-JINGLING

..would be very grateful.

MOONLIGHT SONATA PLAYS

George?

ENGINE STARTS

Rob's bought you a deluxe model. Flashing lights, everything.

Well, I hope the two of you will be very happy together.

I hope you are actually planning on buying something.

Excuse me?

This is a shop, not an activity playground.

I am sorry, dear lady.

He's been staying with me as a lodger, and he's a trainee nurse.

And he's here legally, if that's what you're getting at.