Twisted Doctors

CLOCK CHIMES

SHE SIGHS

Er....what will it be?

I'm going to go for the Wolf Moon, please.

Yeah, me, too, please.

Really? I thought you might prefer something a bit more pure.

-JIMMI CHUCKLES

-Mineral water, perhaps.

You're wrong because I've been gagging for a pint, so...

Wow! Thank you. So there is something left of the old Jimmi.

I haven't changed, mate, I just, um... I just needed some time out.

Yeah, so you keep saying.

Are we going to put this thing behind us, like we agreed?

-No, we agreed on having a pint and putting that behind us.

-Thank you.

All right, then, cheers to whatever it is that we're putting behind us.

Cheers.

So, what are you going to go and see?

SHE CHUCKLES

How did you convince him to see that?

Yeah, well, it's still a love story, with or without vampires.

-SHE YAWNS

-I know.

No, I am exhausted. Yeah.

I will pick you both up in the morning, OK?

Yeah, I love you, too.

All right, night.

Oh! Where are you off to?

Oh, I, er... I thought you had left already.

Oh, no, no such luck. I had some test results to call through.

-Ah.

-That's nice. Is that from Jimmi?

Yes. Yes, I thought I would wear some colour.

So, where are you going?

Well, just, er...for a drink, with a friend.

It's nice, isn't it, to have a bit of girl time?

I was hoping Ayesha might be around this evening,

but, er...she's got plans, so I'm on my own.

Well, enjoy.

I will lock up after you.

Right. OK.

Night.

Yes, good night, Dr Reid.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Quick! They're after me. I need somewhere to hide.

THEY CHUCKLE

You look nice.

Well, er...thank you.

It would help if I knew where we were going.

I thought it'd be nice for you to meet some of my mates.

MUSIC: No Angel by Birdy

# Remember once the things you told me

# And how the tears ran from my eyes... #

DOORBELL

# They didn't fall because it hurt me

# I just hate to see you cry. #

SHE HUMS A TUNE

-Hello.

-Is Shak there?

Er...no, he's, um...he's staying at a friend's tonight.

Oh. OK, I'm sorry.

Hey! You don't have to run away. Um...

Are you a friend of Shak's?

I'm Zoe.

Hey.

Are you all right?

Come on in. What's happened?

I'm, er... I'm Shak's mum, Ruhma.

My mum's just kicked me out of the house!

Oh! Come on.

I was fearing you coming back in an orange robe with a shaved head.

Hm! I might still do that.

No. You've got to be really cool to pull off the balding look.

You'd just look weird.

Oh, right, OK. Yeah, well, I haven't gone in for the whole package,

just, um...I get a lot from the teaching.

It helps, especially when nothing else has.

Oh, right. So, I'm not help, am I?

Oh, come on, you know I didn't mean you.

I just have to take responsibility for my own life,

which I think I'm finally doing.

Right. As long as you don't become some tambourine-banging hippy,

I'm pleased for you.

-Good.

-AL SIGHS

You missed me, then?

I'm sorry for dumping on you.

You're not.

Look, Zoe, whatever's happened between you and your mum,

you...you need to call her because she'll be worried.

No, she won't.

She said she never wants to see me again.

There must be other family that you can stay with.

Look, um...

I want to help you. Honestly, I do, but this is awkward.

Shak hasn't told you about me, has he?

Sorry?

I'm his girlfriend.

We've been seeing each other for a bit over a month.

He kept saying that he was going to talk to you, but...

Look, sorry, can you just... go back a bit, please?

You are talking about my Shak?

No, because... No, his sister would have told me.

She doesn't know. No-one knows.

He...

You know what? Just tell him that I was here, OK?

-At least then he'll have to talk...

-Would you just wait?

I... I'm sorry, I'm not...

I'm not saying just go this very second, I just...

I am trying to understand. It's a bit of a shock. OK?

It is for me, too.

I'm pregnant.

ROCK MUSIC BLASTS

I am not sure we will be able to talk in here!

What? My hearing's not so good!

Well, you will not be able to hear your friends!

I wouldn't worry. That's them onstage!

-How you getting on?

-Pacing myself.

You're getting old.

Yeah. Well, there is nothing like the death of a parent

to get you thinking like that.

I was young when I lost my mum.

I've been thinking about what it's going to be like when I lose my dad.

I think I'm...fairly sure I'll be relieved.

I'm not sure what I thought.

Definitely not this.

A kind of weird emptiness.

It'll be different for me.

That's what I'm saying.

The reality of going through it, it's...it's far different.

My reality's not the same as your reality, so...

My father was abusive. I should have been in foster care.

We don't have to compare, I'm just trying to make a point.

TEXT ALERT

-It's Emma. She's at a loose end.

-Mm. Good for her.

Hang on, you're not inviting her?

Why not? She needs the company.

Well, she needs good company.

Zoe, can I ask how old you are?

16.

And you know Shak from school?

I work in a takeaway around the corner.

Shak comes in every day for a shashlik. Extra spicy.

Can I ask, why do you think you're pregnant? Have you done a test?

I got one from the chemist.

When did you do it?

A couple of weeks ago.

And you've been going out with Shak for about a month?

Over a month, I said.

Why are you asking me so many questions?!

Because I'm Shak's mum and because I am a midwife, that is my job.

-I'm really sorry.

-It's OK.

We are... We're going to work this out, OK?

Can you just excuse me for a minute? I'll... I'll be right back.

ROCK MUSIC BLASTS

SINGING

WHOOPING

-Hey, Ghost, where you been?

-It ain't been that long.

-Six months!

-No way!

Six, man! I missed you!

THEY LAUGH

Shak, um... I know you're in the cinema,

but when you get out, can you please call me?

A friend of yours is here. Um...

Sorry. I spilt my tea.

Er...are you OK?

Yeah.

Er... I'll... I'll just get a cloth.

-Hi.

-Hey.

Um... I'm not, um...interrupting anything, am I?

No, of course not. Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

-Oh, thanks.

-It's my round.

Oh, um... Well, I think I, um...I fancy a red.

I'll, um... I'll grab the wine list. Here we go.

Oh. Thanks.

Every time I think I know what I want, they've changed it.

Take your time(!)

I will have...a Malbec.

One glass of Malbec.

Actually, do you know what? I'm going to get a bottle.

-What do you want?

-Two pints of Wolf Moon, please.

Coming up.

What do you think?

Well, it was interesting.

You don't like it?

It was probably a little too loud for me.

Then we'll go. No problem.

No. No, you stay with your friends.

I can always get the bus home.

Look at the two lovebirds!

Stevie, this is, er...

-Winifred.

-Winnie.

-Winifred.

-THEY CHUCKLE

-And this is Matt.

-Pleased to meet you.

-And Snake.

-Very pleased to meet you, too, Mr Snake.

It's an absolute pleasure.

-We're Twisted.

-Excuse me?

It's the name of the band.

Oh, right, I see.

OK, look, we're going to make a move.

Come on, we ain't seen you for ages. Stay for at least one more drink.

I don't mind staying a little longer.

-Are you sure?

-Mm.

Thank you. I was starving.

You're feeling better?

I just felt a bit...I don't know, faint.

When had you last eaten?

Er...I don't know.

I didn't go to work today.

And you don't have any food at home?

We do, but...

My mum's punishing me. She's really strict.

She goes to church every day,

she doesn't even like me talking to boys,

let alone having a baby with one.

I thought she just found out about that today?

-She guessed.

-What...

guessed that you were pregnant, or guessed that you had a boyfriend?

-Has she ever met Shak?

-No!

I said we were keeping it a secret from everyone.

From both families? From your friends, his friends?

That's... That's hard, Zoe.

Not for us.

What about phone calls? How did you arrange to meet each other?

He came into the shop.

What, and left his friends outside every day?

Why are you hassling me?

I'm trying to understand what's happened.

I'll need to have your mum's number.

-She doesn't have a phone.

-Right. OK.

-I'm going to have to call Social Services.

-No!

ZOE SIGHS

I lied.

I'm sorry.

I haven't been seeing Shak every day.

I wanted to, but he didn't.

We did it once. That's all.

Then he wouldn't see me again.

It was my fault!

He used to come in the shop and I liked him, so...

I invited him round the back and we got...

..you know, physical.

Afterwards, he just left.

Said that he didn't want to talk to me.

And then afterwards, when he found out that I was pregnant,

he got so angry!

He told me to get lost.

Is that why you came around here tonight?

I just wanted to talk to him.

And when my mum threw me out, I didn't know what else to do!

-Look, I'm... I'm not... I don't...

-Look, I know.

And I am so sorry.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

It's just...

Why is he being like this?

It's his baby, too. Doesn't he care?

JJ and I go way back.

Right through school and then hanging around like a bad smell.

He was even our roadie for a while.

Sounds like a great deal of fun.

It was. Recently, though, no JJ.

You've got to wonder what's going on in that head of his.

Well, I know that his work keeps him very busy.

That's another thing.

Old JJ wasn't really one for working.

He liked his beer too much, and the ladies.

He always made a point of having at least one on the go,

if you know what I'm saying?

-Can I ask you something personal?

-Um...it depends...

I'm not going to ask your bra size, if that's what you're worried about.

I'm just wondering how, because you're kind of straight

and JJ's always been a bit wild, like a wolf. I don't get it.

Refreshments!

-Everything OK?

-Winnie and I have been getting to know each other.

-Winifred.

-Winifred?

I'm sorry, I am going to go. I will pay for that.

It has been a great pleasure meeting YOU, Mr Snake.

-Hang on!

-Please, just go back to your friends.

-What did Stevie say to you?

-Nothing.

Now I know something's wrong because Stevie can't say nothing.

He's one of them people that just says whatever comes into his head,

but it don't mean nothing, OK?

-Fine.

-Let me take you somewhere else.

-Dinner!

-No. No, I am not hungry.

Please! I don't want to stay with these guys.

I live around the corner,

let me at least spoil you with one of my Moroccan coffees.

Just one cup. Come on!

(All right.)

Are you OK?

Sorry, er...what?

Could I use the bathroom, please?

Yeah. Um...just by the front door.

No! Er...the light's not working.

Um...go upstairs, on the left.

So I was left with the possibility of having Hep C or HIV.

Those were my choices.

You're forgetting the obvious one.

That one of after you get pricked

and choosing not to suck your finger!

It can happen, can't it, in the pressure of the moment?

No, he's right. Come on, I mean, we're professionals.

There's no excuse. It was my own stupidity.

Yeah, well, it's human to make mistakes.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of that.

That's a very positive way of looking at it.

It sounds a bit ridiculous to me.

Mistakes teach us where we're vulnerable,

and they also show us our strengths.

-I wish I could think like that.

-Well, you can.

When I was in Cornwall, I almost started to think like that.

I was sitting just looking at the view and I thought,

in 100 years from now - even a million -

the view will be the same.

The waves will just keep crashing and the oceans churning.

But that's like you, isn't it?

Despite everything that's happened, you just keep carrying on.

Sorry, time-out. Can we at least try to moderate

the psychobabble, please?

I mean, you didn't need to go to Thailand.

You could have gone down the local corner shop

-and regurgitated all their greeting cards!

-Come on!

No. He's sat there like some kind of guru. You're not.

You're an ordinary bloke

who went on an expensive holiday and lost his phone.

You're not wise, you're not enlightened,

you're the same mess you were before you went,

except now you've got a tan.

Come on, that is enough!

Al, we know you've got your problems,

but there's no need to take it out on the rest of us.

You're right, that is enough.

Come on! Stay, will you?

No, thank you. I bid you good night!

Oh!

EMMA SIGHS

He's been impossible lately.

He's hurting, that's all.

That's no excuse, though, is it?

No reason to use you as a personal punching bag.

If that's what he needs, I don't mind.

RUNNING WATER

Zoe?

PHONE RINGS

Just wait until you try my Nous Nous coffee.

Oh. Well, er...well, as long as it does not take too long.

You really are in a hurry. Here, let me.

Oh, no, I am fine. Thank you.

-Well, make yourself at home. I'll be right back.

-Hm.

Hm.

I had a quick bath.

I hope that's OK, but I was feeling a bit, er...

I don't know, crampy.

You've obviously made yourself at home.

-Is that OK?

-Is it OK?

You've come in here and...

Actually, I don't even know what it is you're trying to do.

I've been sitting here, trying to figure it out.

I've just spoke to your mum.

Here we go.

That's them, all right.

They did pretty well when they first started out.

Bad Loving. That is the one they played in the pub?

Yeah. A real crowd-pleaser, that one.

-READS:

-When I love you, I hate myself.

-Who wrote that?

-Can't you guess?

-Hm-hm!

DOORBELL

Sorry.

-Stevie.

-Surprise!

-I thought we'd have a proper session.

-I've got company.

I can see that.

Seriously? Don't tell me you're a fan?

Well, I have not decided yet.

My mum's a liar. You can't believe a word that she says!

Funny, she said you'd say that.

She says you're seeing a psychiatrist.

She'd say anything!

Oh! You're just making it up as you go along, aren't you?

Are you even pregnant?

I would never lie about that.

I think you would.

Well, let's find out. Let's do another test.

-I've got some kits in my bag.

-ZOE SOBS

Oh, please, Zoe, not the tears again.

Do you know...if you were pregnant,

then maybe I would be sympathetic, but you're not, are you?

I might be. RUHMA SIGHS

Why have you come here?

What are you hoping to achieve?!

Shak is going to call any minute now and confirm he doesn't know you.

He does know me!

I just need him to notice me.

There's a difference, OK?

Look, he does come in the shop every day.

But to him, I'm just this girl behind the counter.

And all he ever says to me is, "One shashlik, please. Extra spicy."

But then this one time, he made a joke.

And that's it?

-Nothing's ever happened between you two?

-It could have!

The next day, it was just back to, "One shashlik, please".

So I followed him home.

When did you follow him?

Last week.

And the week before that.

Then, when I had this argument with my mum,

I thought, "Hey, tonight could be the night".

I never expected to like you so much, though.

-READS:

-When you kiss, I draw blood.

When you give, it is never enough.

This is bad loving.

You know, this really is a form of poetry.

-Yeah. Sick poetry.

-Oi!

No, there is real honesty here.

Would you mind if I brought this to my book club?

-HE LAUGHS

-You're joking?

-You're not joking!

-Stevie?

Oh, come on, you can't take her seriously. I mean, look at her!

OK, get out. We don't need you here.

-It is fine, I will leave.

-No, I've had enough.

You were wondering why I don't see you any more.

Because of her. Because of Miss Book Club.

No, because of you! Winifred's got nothing to do with that.

-I apologise.

-There is no need.

This ain't you. You can't... You can't lie.

I saw you in the pub, you were well into it!

For one night.

I've grown up, Stevie. Why can't you?

Pfft! Stuff you.

That's what I thought you'd say. Hey, next time, call!

There won't be a next time.

I look behind me and there's a pile of bodies.

Literally.

And I've probably ruined Lena's marriage.

Well, Lena's responsible for her own relationships,

so you can't take that on.

Well, the outcome's the same, though, isn't it? I'm alone.

I think alone is underrated because I don't find it so bad.

THEY CHUCKLE

-You keep doing it, don't you?

-What?

Turning every negative into a positive.

-You're not seriously complaining?

-No.

Well, it's annoying, but... you make me feel better.

I try.

Er...

What? We've done it before.

Yeah, but that was different.

-Why?

-You're not in a very good place right now.

I think I'd be taking advantage.

I don't mind.

Right.

-Sorry, I...

-I'm sorry.

Er...

I should go.

I'll, um... I'll see you at work.

Do you need help getting home, or...?

Sorry.

DOORBELL

-Hello.

-I'm Zoe's mum. I'm sorry.

It's all right.

No, actually, it's not all right.

Hi, Mum.

Ruhma.

I was just saying to your mum that...

Zoe, I really hope you get the help that you need.

Huh! Me?

I'm not the one who needs help.

-You believed me!

-Come on!

I can take you home.

Oh, no. No, there is no need.

Next time, it'll be dinner, or something normal, at least.

I had a good time tonight.

Me, too. I just wished Stevie would've behaved better.

Hm. Well, it was... It was nice that you wanted me to meet your friends.

Maybe I can meet yours sometime.

I mean, when you're ready, that is, I mean.

Hm.

Well, I, er... I had better go.

DOORBELL

Stevie!

Hm!

SHE VOMITS

MUSIC: Francoise by Sharleen Spiteri

# I'm tired of it

# But not to one's self

# I'm tired of it

# But not to one's self. #

Jimmi! Welcome back!

It's been eat, sleep, think breast cancer for the last year.

All right. End of.

I'm surprised that you haven't realised how serious this is.

Sorry?

-What the hell...?!

-Please, I'm not weird or anything!

-I just wanted to talk to you!

-Get out!