09/08/2011 EastEnders

'You have one new message.

-KAT:

-'Billy! Where the hell are you?

'You've got five minutes to get round here or you're sacked!'

What if we were seen?

They'd have said something. You know what it's like here.

Meet me later. You free?

Could be.

-One o'clock?

-I'll be there.

Hold on. Just straighten your fingers, all right?

I'm going to kill that Billy.

-We're lucky he stepped in at the last minute.

-Now he's stepped out again.

-Ow!

-Sorry.

My back hurts, my knees hurt, and now my hands hurt.

Sit down and I'll make us a cup of tea. Sit down.

And I hate these deckchairs and all!

CLATTERING

-Ow!

-You all right, darling?

-I want Billy killed and I want my sofa back!

-Yep. Course.

You all right? Come on, come on.

I've got you, I've got you. There. All right?

Is that a new perfume?

No.

Something's different.

What's got into you?

-Just woke up happy.

-Oh. Makes a change.

So what you doing today?

-SHE SIGHS

-Not a lot.

Why, you got something in mind?

Yeah, I might have.

Really?

What? Tell me.

Just, I've got to be somewhere in a bit,

so...I need you to look after Oscar for a bit.

I'm busy.

-Sorry, babe, you just said you weren't.

-Well, I am now.

Go on, babe, please?

Get flipping Tanya to do it!

-She's up to her eyes, ain't she?

-What are you doing anyway?

I'm off to Essex.

Car dealership's going under, might be able to pick up a few bargains.

Right. Why don't I come with you?

We could make a day of it. Haven't done that in a while.

Nah, it's a bit of schlep. And it don't solve the Oscar problem.

-He could come with us.

-What would that look like?

Me turning up with a kid? That's not very professional.

Babe, please. Go on.

Go on, I won't be long.

Oh, you won't? I thought you said Essex was a "bit of a schlep"?

Hello, love. You all right?

-My guts are hurting.

-Are they? Why?

It's my driving test today.

Darling! I'm sorry, I forgot.

-I've had so much on my mind lately.

-So we noticed.

-Try not to run over anyone.

-KNOCKING ON DOOR

All right, Tan? Vanessa can't look after Oscar.

-Cora, you couldn't look after him, could you?

-I'm tied up today.

-Doing what?

-Girlie stuff.

-Come on, Mum.

-For a minute I thought you'd come to wish me luck.

Why would I do that?

-Forget it.

-Driving test. Not that you'd care.

Of course I care! Sorry, Lauren. Good luck and all that.

-Whatever.

-Cora, here y'are. One grandson.

-You know you're my favourite...

-CAR HORN HONKS

-That's Greg! He's giving me one last lesson. Wish me luck.

-Good luck.

See you later, little man. Cheers, Cora, appreciate it.

Tan...

Just get Rainie to help you, Mum.

She's off with God somewhere.

Bye bye, darling. Be good.

-Where you going?

-I'm going to work, where d'you think I'm going?

When are you going to grow up?

-Last time we put these on!

-I've gone completely blank, I don't know what to do.

-Relax. Seatbelt on, adjust your mirrors.

-Oh, yeah...

You know what, you're going to be the best driver in the world.

Think she'll pass?

Hitler's got her beady cataracts on us.

Good luck.

Have you got any money for breakfast?

-I'm starving.

-Bit of toast do you?

That all you got? Go ask Alfie for an advance.

-What?

-Didn't go in, did I?

-Pops!

-I forgot! Then when I remembered, it was too late.

We're broke.

Right, you've got two options. Number one, you get my sofa back,

or number two, you buy me a new one.

-How much is a new one?

-A grand.

-Yeah, right!

It's a grand, Eddie. A grand.

You're lucky, Eddie. I talked her down, mate.

You'll have your old one back by the end of the day.

-My guarantee.

-You make it three o'clock.

-Any later and I'll come looking for my money.

-Sorted.

-Life is beautiful. Want a drink, Ed?

-No, he ain't got time for a drink.

Sorry, mate, she loved the sofa.

Go a bit gentle! That's family.

Alfie, I've got a twisted spine cos of that lot.

Course you haven't got a twisted spine!

-Oh, William.

-All right?

I got your message.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry,

from the bottom of my heart, and it won't happen again, I swear.

My soppy alarm didn't go off, did it? But don't worry.

I'll be in tomorrow morning. Dead early.

I'll even sleep on the floor in here. That is how dedicated I am.

I'm so dedicated that I thought you might like to give me...

-a little advance on my wages.

-Ain't you got the message? You're sacked.

Come on, Alf, I'm going hungry here!

-Here you go. Don't eat them all at once.

-Don't give away crisps!

It was funny though, wasn't it?

Sorry, sorry.

Tyler!

-Where is it?

-What?

Kat's sofa.

It's right here, Dad. £200.

-And I even got to test drive it.

-Test drive it?

You know. Checking out the springs.

You sold it?

More like part exchange. My loving, her money.

That was not for sale. Strictly not for sale!

Oi!

-Where you going?

-Is this a bad time?

Oi, mind my feet!

Stay back. Well back.

Listen, we kind of got off on the wrong foot the other day.

And?

KNOCKING It's open, babe.

Nice.

Yeah, very nice.

-I didn't do nothing!

-You were here, you could've stopped him.

-I tried my best, Dad.

-Story of your life.

-Give us the keys to the pick-up.

-It's being serviced, you're on foot.

-What?!

-All right, anyone know Wilson Crescent?

-Yeah.

-About half a mile away.

-You know it?

-Yeah.

-You can come an' all.

Come on, Eddie. It's got to be worth a score, ain't it?

-I'll give you a quid.

-A quid?

It's got a lot of sentimental value, this!

-My Julie bought it.

-Tell you what.

Show them where Wilson Crescent is, and I'll give you a fiver.

Hold on to that. I'll be back.

You are the bloodhound on this one.

-C'mon, Ant.

-I still don't see why I've got go anyway.

-Move!

-I've got a business proposition.

-I've got customers waiting.

-This should be a teenage magnet.

But you've only got old folks and fat people.

I have a diverse range of clientele, yes.

-I can put a word out. My kind are always looking for a good hangout.

-Your kind aren't welcome in here.

And we're always hungry, eating and eating.

Nothing on this planet eats more than a teenage boy.

They're like whales. Eating and eating and eating.

All day, every day.

I don't want no thugs in here.

Look, she's after a bag of chips and he only wants a pickled egg.

He can only suck, he can't chew.

I'll get it so packed in here, you'll need a helper.

As in me.

MUSIC: "What A Difference A Day Makes" by Jamie Cullum

Do you hear that?

People singing about love.

Makes the world go round, you know, love. Makes it spin, Max.

Only sometimes it spins a little too fast, and people get all giddy, don't they?

Light-headed.

Do all the wrong things. Make huge mistakes.

Do they?

I ain't made any mistakes, so I don't know what you're talking about.

Snogging in the alley.

Back at school, are we?

This ain't really your business, Jack. Why don't you go home, mate, forget about it?

Listen, bruv, I don't care what you do.

It's a shame for Vanessa and Greg

but all I really wanted was to see your face when I walked in here.

That's great. You've seen it now, ain't you?

Off you go.

So what, you renting?

Why, you want to sublet?

You've always got a line, ain't you?

-Well, you know, can't help myself.

-No, that's pretty evident.

Because you know what you are, Max?

You're a dirty ginger mutt who can't stop sniffing around.

I take exception to that.

Yeah, right(!) You wear it like a badge of honour.

-I've got other qualities.

-Oh, yeah?

You name one good one.

I'm kind to animals. JACK LAUGHS

What do you want me to say?

-I am what I am.

-Yeah?

Tanya, what's she?

I guess she's just me with boobs.

How about Greg?

What if Greg finds out?

-He ain't going to find out.

-But what if he did?

-Am I expected to come steaming in here, save your neck?

-Greg...

he's thicker than Cora's waistline.

He don't know anything. In fact one time, I had Tanya in the office,

under the desk, he thought it was Vanessa.

He was about a foot away.

I had her lipstick on my lips, her perfume on my clothes.

He didn't have a clue.

Yeah, well, he's not supposed to, is he?

It don't mean he's dumb, just means he wouldn't think like that.

-There's a big difference.

-So what, are you defending him?

No, I'm not. I'm just saying you've got to go careful.

If I saw you, others will.

And Vanessa ain't Greg. She'll sense something, women always do.

Vanessa's not a worry.

That's a big mistake, Max, if you believe that.

What I mean is, I don't really like her. Not any more.

Can you go to Leroy Street?

MAX: 'It's not her fault, is it? No-one's to blame.'

Just that the person in here is a cute little blonde with an attitude.

Not Miss White in the lounge with ten litres of hairspray.

Just keep schtum, yeah? Don't go bugging Tanya.

We've already had one close call, we don't need another one.

What d'you mean?

-What happened?

-Nothing, it's sorted.

-Just lucky it was Lauren, that's all.

-Lauren knows?

-Half a mile? More like 20.

-How heavy is this thing anyway?

Too heavy. Watch the wheels, watch the wheels!

We're going to have to put it down for a sec.

What's your footy team then, Billy?

There's only one club round here, mate.

Ah, another Orient man.

Shut up. I'm a Hammer. West Ham till I die.

-Oh, my...

-I knew it. I knew you was one of us.

BOTH: # I'm forever blowing bubbles! #

Yeah, we're about to meet you as you come plummeting down the leagues.

That great big stadium's going to be empty.

No-one's going to want to see you play Torquay United.

You boys are living on past glories.

Whereas the Orient haven't got any to live off, mate, have they?

-HORN HONKS

-What d'you want?

-You're in our way.

-We're having a rest.

-We want past, you monkey.

-Five minutes.

-I've got a test coming up!

-Reverse and find another route, darling.

-I don't like reversing.

Some teacher you are!

Maybe we should move, if she's got her test coming up.

This is part of it. Question 12, there's a sofa blocking your road.

Do you A) back up?

-B) sound your horn angrily?

-C) set fire to said sofa?

Or D) shut the hell up and wait like a good little girl should?

And Lauren did nothing?

She moved out, made a couple of threats.

She would though, wouldn't she?

What sort of threats?

If she caught us again she'd get in a car and run me over,

and this time she was going to finish the job.

Still standing though, ain't I?

Who's taking lessons, who's about to sit her test? How stupid are you?

Nah, she don't suspect anything. Too clever for that.

Clever? Grubby and cheap is what I'm getting.

-Don't start! I could spend weeks talking about your behaviour.

-I ain't done nothing wrong.

This ain't my love nest, that ain't my cheap wine,

those are not my stained bedsheets.

-Tanya takes them home and washes them.

-Don't get smart with me.

-Are you done? Tanya, she'll be here in a sec.

-Who says I'm leaving?

What, you want a ringside seat?

-Want to learn a couple more moves?

-You're sick.

What are you doing here?

Seriously, you just at a loose end? What do you care what I get up to?

-Do you know what you're risking?

-That's half the fun.

No. It ain't, mate. It's no fun.

Cos where you'll be, where you'll end up, is like me.

On your todd, wondering where your family's gone.

Can't believe you don't see that.

I get this now. Just lonely old Jack, ain't it?

Heaping all of your worries onto me. Touching.

-I'm welling up.

-You've got no idea what it's like.

And I never will have.

Cos unlike you, I've still got everything I ever wanted.

More, in fact. And you want to know why that is?

Because I'm deserving of it.

-Oh, this I've got to hear.

-No, it's true.

You, Jack, you've got Penny in France who you never see.

You've got a kid in Roxy's flat that you never see,

you got Richard with Sam Mitchell who you never see.

-I'm there for my lot.

-I take care of mine, I don't brag about it.

I'm there to give 'em love.

But you haven't the first clue about any of that.

Cos you're selfish, Jack.

-Always have been, always will be.

-What you're doing in here, that ain't selfish?

-No.

No, no, no, it's bigger than that.

Me and Tanya, we're soul mates. We can't keep away from each other.

It's a love story.

You know what that is, love?

Do you remember? You and Ronnie?

Mind you, that weren't love, was it?

No. That was just plain mental.

Max. You're getting very close to a good kicking, I'm telling you.

That's right, Jack, resort to what you know. Coming in here,

giving me a telling off. You want to smell yourself.

You and Tanya, I want it over, right? Done with.

-Who are you, the Pope?!

-It ain't love, Max!

-It's just some seedy little fumble in your seedy, unacceptable life.

-Pot and kettle.

You were boffing Rainie when things went up the spout with Ronnie.

-That was a one-off. Caught me off guard.

-How did that nutcase manage that?!

-It ain't about me.

-It's always about you, Jack.

It's always about you, mate, ain't it?

Always about you. Standing there wondering where it all went wrong.

Not realising you probably caused most of it.

Ronnie probably pleaded guilty to get away from you.

-I came round here to give you the heads up.

-You never. Don't give me that.

You came to see if you could have another go on Tanya. That's how lonely you are.

Hope your brother gives up his woman for you?

-I'm warning you...

-You were going to run away together!

Maybe set up your own little love nest.

-So all you are, Jack, is a big fat hypocrite!

-Jack!

Oi, Eddie! I think you'll find you owe me a fiver, mate.

One day I'll work out what you see in him.

-Where are you going, Jack?

-Home.

-And?

-And what?

-Are you going to tell people...

-Babe, he ain't going to say nothing.

-Says who?

-It's sorted.

It ain't, mate. Not remotely. Look at this place.

Shabby little shack that stinks of all the wrong things.

-You're going to put 'em right.

-What does that mean?

-I'm not going to let you hurt people any more.

They don't deserve it. How many have you two racked up over the years?

-You say one word...

-We didn't mean for this to happen...

-Tan, give it a rest.

I expected more from you. Him, par for his grubby course.

I always had you down for half decent. But all I'm getting

is that evil little 18-year-old that stole my brother off Rachel.

You remember her? Lovely woman who you two ruined.

-Jack, that was a whole other me.

-Then Stacey...

-I get why you hated her so much now. Just you hating yourself.

-Oi!

-He's right.

-No!

-What else would you call me?

-Here's what you do.

-We ain't going to do nothing!

-You're going to stop this now!

-Go home, sort yourselves out, and you pretend this never happened.

-We ain't going to do that.

Look at yourself, Tanya. Look at yourself real close,

and you ask yourself, is that really what you want to be?

-Tan...

-Max, no.

I caught that fish myself. Ta.

Um, if you want to get paid at the end of the day,

I suggest that goes in till.

Excuse me! This is my finder's fee.

Thank you.

So how am I doing then? You're loving me, right?

That's not the words I'd use.

Look, more teenage boys. I'm on everyone's lips, me.

-Since when did you start working here?

-Since now.

What can I get you?

Picked up this e-mail for Billy. It was sent to my account.

-I'll give it to him.

-No, I'll do it.

-What's in it?

-None of your business.

-You've read it!

-Are you going to order anything?

Not from her, no.

Want to keep your job? That's a customer walking out my door.

Jay! Jay, look...

Babe, we can't just give up because he says so.

Tan...

-I don't know, Max.

-Listen to me, babe.

What am I? Eh? What is this?

It's just us , it's all it is.

It doesn't feel right.

I need to go home.

Tan, look at me, will you, babe?

When you think about it, this can't go anywhere. Can it?

It just can't.

You're not Stacey.

It's nothing like that, Tanya.

I want you.

-Maybe in another life.

-In this one.

Maybe we've run our course. Maybe that's it.

Jack coming here, it was a sign,

it was a wake up call.

I love you, Tanya.

Let me go.

Tan!

-I shouldn't even be here.

-You got free chips, didn't you?

So what's in the e-mail that's so important then, eh?

It's from the Olympics.

-Billy's competing?

-Yes, in the hundred metre moan. Course he's not!

So what's it about then?

Huh? Come on.

Tried to get rid of it but I couldn't.

-What?

-You're going to the Olympics.

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

-Kat, it'll turn up.

-I hope not.

-You what?

-What's happened to you?

There's a grand here if he don't turn up.

I've a good mind to lock the doors so he can't get in.

Your turn, sweetheart.

What a gent.

Won't be long, mate.

GREG LAUGHING AND CHEERING

Where's Mum? I passed! Can you believe it?

Course I can. Chip off the old block.

-See, told you! You were brilliant.

-So brilliant you can have Oscar.

He's driving me round the bend.

-Is Tan not here? Bit weird, I'll give her call.

-No need, I'm here.

Oh, darling! Oh, well done!

-Well done, I'm so proud of you.

-OK, Mum, you're crushing me.

Good.

-What's that, a smile?

-It's a big one an' all.

I think I'll join you.

-Kat, upstairs. Now.

-Caveman!

-No, no. I mean, just come with me.

-I'm busy.

-Kat, please! Come on.

-A quick one, my treat.

-Make it a large one.

Yeah, me too.

-Abi should be here, shouldn't she?

-It's about time someone else looked after Oscar.

-ALFIE:

-Kat!

-All right, I'm coming.

-She passed.

-First time, mate. First time.

Well done, Lauren. That's brilliant.

Hey! Well done, Eddie!

-That's impossible, I was downstairs the whole time.

-Except when you changed the barrels.

-We're back in sofa heaven!

-I'd have preferred a grand.

-No pleasing 'em!

Ohhh!

Not a minute too soon.

Ow, ow, ow...

-Hi.

-All right?

-How'd it go?

-Yeah, all right.

Got a couple of bargains.

Your life's in there. Trust me.

I've been shortlisted to be an Olympic torchbearer.

-Me?

-Can I have your autograph?

Says I'll find out for sure in December.

See? And you thought it was going to be a rotten day, eh?

Julie put me up for this.

Then I guess she's still around then. You know, in a way.

I'll be with you in a minute.

I need you now.

All right, Tan.

Wait. Wait.

I've tried.

I tried to walk away,

and I just can't.

It don't feel right.

It just don't. Not without you.

I love you, Max.

With everything I've got, I love you.

So this is what we're going to do.

We're going to do it right.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow, we tell everyone.

-I don't want you to feel...

-I'm not the other woman.

I'm the only woman.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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