11/08/2011 EastEnders

GREG: There we go.

-Morning.

-Hello.

Where were you last night?

I was just...

Just here.

Thought you'd be packing - we're off later on, aren't we?

Cup of tea'd be nice first.

Cup of tea. Right you are.

There's a tractor.

It's a big day today, baby.

MUSIC: Instrumental version of "Can't Smile Without You"

ALFIE HUMS CHEERILY

-Ssh!

-What's the matter?

-Look at her.

-What am I looking at?

-Well?

-Well, what?

-Don't you see?

-Don't know what you're talking about.

-She hasn't spoken a word for two days.

-Well, she wouldn't, though, would she?

-No?

No, she wouldn't.

-She is taking her medication, isn't she?

-It ain't that.

-No?

-No.

It's a bloke.

-Jean's got a bloke?

-No, she ain't got one - which is why she's gone mute.

-She THOUGHT she had one.

-Yeah, she don't now.

Right, so who's the bloke?

No. You mean, "Who WAS the bloke?"

It's Norman. He's the bloke.

-He ain't NOW.

-No.

Right, so who is?

-It doesn't matter, cos Pat stepped in.

-Pat?

-Yeah, she's got the bloke now.

-Yeah, she's got the bloke.

-That old trout?

-Well, we're not having that.

-Ain't we?

-No, we're not.

And I can't believe you two kept it to yourselves. HE SIGHS

Guess what I did last night.

Go on - have a guess.

I don't think that's the sort of talk we need at the breakfast table.

I bought a car for Lauren. What d'you reckon?

You can buy one for me an' all if you like.

Went down the Vic, saw Darren, did the deal there and then on the spot.

We can put a big ribbon round it, give it to her. She'll get the surprise of her life.

-You didn't have to do that, Greg.

-Well, I wanted to.

-Excuse me, everyone...

-You can't just chuck cars at people.

-Not unless you're really strong.

-Mum!

-Excuse me...

-Hang on. This conversation doesn't actually involve you.

Thanks, Greg, but she's my daughter. If anyone buys her a car, it'll be me.

-She's sort of my daughter.

-And he's a better dad than her own dad.

-Mum, that's enough!

Sorry. Sorry, I'm just tired.

-Shouldn't we say grace?

-Good Lord.

-Shouldn't we?

-Get a grip, girl.

Yeah, we should.

Yeah, that'd be nice, Rai.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I'd like to, actually.

And you would.

Spit it out - my toast's getting cold.

I thank God for this meal...

and for this family...

Us all being here isn't something I've always had...

so I thank you and, er...

I think the word you're looking for is "amen".

Amen.

Amen.

ANSWERPHONE: 'You have six new messages.

'Message one...' RECORDING STOPS

What have I done with it? What have I done with it?

It was there. I know it was there. I know it was there.

It was there. I put it there yesterday.

I'll phone Max. Max might have seen it.

I put it there, while I put my gloves on, then I went back here...

SHE MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY

Max? Max, it's me.

Look, I've lost my engagement ring. I took it off yesterday and now it's gone and I can't find it anywhere.

Look, can you give me a call if you've seen it? Please?

OK, bye. Bye.

Bet you're wondering why I'm in here.

Meeting Greg. Made a sale last night. He's buying a motor for Lauren.

-No, he ain't. That's my job.

-It's a bit late for that.

-I've done the paperwork, deposit... I thought you'd be happy.

-Why would I? It's my kid, not his.

-Jack.

-Max.

-How's things?

-Yeah, good.

-Did you think about what I said?

-Yeah, I did, yeah.

-And?

-Yeah, I took your advice.

-Really?

-Get us another coffee, Darren, please.

-You've still got one.

-I want another one.

It's like you said. Tanya, she don't want to be the other woman.

She tried that before, as you so kindly pointed out.

I'm almost believing you.

Well, believe.

Cos you helped us see the light.

There you go.

-Where's mine?

-Well, you could've said.

-I'm saying now, ain't I?

-Yeah, I know, but you ain't my boss.

Oi! I've got money wrapped up in the car lot, which means you, doughnut, collect the coffees.

Go on.

This better be straight up, Max. Only I'm watching you.

Well, you watch all you like.

You've seen the light - amazing.

Yeah, I saw it all right.

-One coffee.

-Right, I've got to get off.

You're doing the right thing.

Yeah. Don't I know it.

Max, if that was about business I really feel like I should be involved.

Calm down. I'm still getting over you selling a motor to Greg. DARREN SIGHS

Here, couldn't put those in the salon?

-Yeah, yeah, I could maybe put a few round.

-Life-saver.

I've got loads to distribute.

-This what you're doing now? Spreading the word.

-It's helping me so I can help others, right?

You look good on it.

-Do I?

-Yeah. Happier. Much.

I feel it. I do.

Thing is, you never really know where it's going to come from. Happiness.

You just have to keep looking forward till you stumble across it.

Or sometimes it was there already.

Yeah. Thanks.

-See you later, Rai.

-See you later.

-MO:

-It's a diabolical liberty, it is.

Yeah.

Yeah. I understand.

Jean?

So...Norman.

-Who?

-We all know.

Oh, well, it's not worth mentioning. Not really.

Are you going to let that slapper walk all over you?

-Pat ain't a patch on you.

-That's not the way Norman sees it.

Where's your fight, woman? If I'd given up on the first hurdle, I'd be a nun by now.

What you need is to catch his eye, take his breath away.

I'm not really the showy type.

Flaming liberty.

Have you seen this?

They're closing the community centre, just because of a dodgy roof.

The council won't pay out cos of cuts.

What a shame. No more wrestling for the over-90s.

There goes my webcam dream.

Let's have a look at that.

Hey, Nan, you're a beaut. This is it, Jean.

You start a "save our community centre" campaign.

You can spearhead it, get in the papers..

-Not me. Surely...

-Who reads the papers? I bet Norman does.

-I'm not a rebel.

-Well,

-I

-am.

-And all you got to do is follow my lead.

-Iron your leotard, Mo. Wrestling's back on.

SHE BREATHES RAPIDLY

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?!

-'Mum...'

-Oh, Jodie.

-I've been having thoughts right? And there is no way

that me and you aren't getting married on the same day.

I'm a bit busy right now, darling. We'll talk later, yeah?

It wouldn't be right without you by my side. Tell her, Poppy.

No. No, look it wouldn't be right without you.

Mum?

What's happened?

-Hello. Gaynor, would you like to take Ms Cooper upstairs?

-Sure. Follow me.

-All right?

-Hello.

I've just texted the girls - told them to come round later.

-SHE EXHALES DEEPLY

-This is it, then?

-This is it.

I couldn't sleep last night. Everyone's faces kept popping into my head.

Greg, you mean?

-Abs, Rainie. Even my mum.

-Your mum? It's no wonder you couldn't sleep.

-She's going to be your mum again soon. You ready for that?

-Yeah, I don't care. As long as I'm with you.

Did you know Greg's bought Lauren a motor?

You'll just have to let it go, babe. It's probably the last thing he'll ever do for her.

What if she sticks to her word - jumps in it and runs me over?

She's not going to.

Not when she realises it's us.

We're all going to be together again. All of us.

I'm shaking. Look at me.

I'm going to need a drink before we do this.

I tell you what - why don't we meet at the flat? We'll have a couple of drinks, then...

take a deep breath and go and tell everyone. SHE SIGHS

-Max...

-I know.

But we walk in...

hand in hand...

and we'll do what we got to do.

-It's a sign.

-It's a lost ring.

-It's almost like the ring knows something's not right.

Mum, you're getting married.

Max has proposed, you've accepted.

-Yeah. Same day as Jode.

-Yeah, same day as me.

Not so sure about that. Max wasn't exactly happy at the prospect.

-Mum, I'm not doing this without you. Poppy'll drag Max there if she has to.

-Yeah, I'll drag him.

All this panic is just nerves.

-What you really need is to get thinking about your big day.

-BOTH big days.

-Which is the same day.

-I dunno, love.

-I

-do. Now come on,

Jodie's taking charge.

What you need is plans.

Big, amazing plans.

Beep, beep, beep.

That got a chapter about being dumped with grandchildren morning, noon and night?

Thought you was going to be out spreading the gospel.

I'm building up to it.

Not a lot to shoving a leaflet in someone's face.

Bit more than that, Mum.

Really?

OSCAR CHATTERS

-TV, VOLUME INCREASING: 'That's the cartoon done by Topol...'

-Mum!

'..who played the part of Tevye in Fiddler, and he did that and one other one of me,

-'and gave them to me and signed them. There you go.

-Wow! He was a great artist, as well.

'Yeah, it's a good cartoon...'

Patrick?

Do you fancy a drink or three?

What do you mean, you're busy?

Doing what?

What?!

So what made Jean so popular, then?

-Shut up.

-What you doing?

Don't keep hitting me like that, that's abuse that is, darling.

-You're going to have to kiss it better later now, ain't you?

-I would, but...

I got chapped lips.

-This...is a desecration.

-What?

-A desecration.

-You doing that in French?

Zip it, Nan.

Go on, Jean.

Well, er, whatever it is, it's wrong. Because we need the centre

and, um... Well, if we want it, we're going to have to fight for it.

Oh, yes, it's like everything in life, you know.

Exactly, Patrick. Exactly.

So, um, I'm proposing...

Oh, Jean. Oh, yes, I'll marry you.

For me? You shouldn't have.

-Just what every teen needs.

-Shame I haven't got a car to put them in, though.

Well, that's the thing. See, we've got to think about getting you a motor.

Sure your dad can sort you out a deal.

-You think he would?

-Well, there's no point passing your test if you're going to get on a bus!

I'm proposing that we all take up arms together.

Oh, yes, and take up your legs too.

PATRICK CHUCKLES

Patrick, we're supposed to be taking this seriously. Er...

I'm proposing a roof fund.

Ways of raising money to get the roof fixed.

Here, Norm. Over here, mate. (Build it and he will come.)

Heard there was an uprising.

Yes, this is us.

Up rising together.

Ooh, sorry. I got held up.

Budge up, Patrick.

All right, all right, all right.

Ooh, I love a revolution.

We've got enough actually, Pat. Sorry.

Kat, love, you can never have enough. You should know that.

I agree.

Aww!

This bit still makes me cry.

You're supposed to be cheering me up.

This is cheery.

Dead cheery.

-You two!

-So, have you got any ideas yet? Things you might need.

You know, stuff like they had.

-What, like the Royals?

-We've got to splash out, make it spesh.

It'll turn up. It will.

So, how's Darren about all this, eh?

-It is his big day as well.

-Well, me and Pops've got a plan for him.

-We're going to do a pincher movement.

-Pincher.

-Pincher?

Like a crab with his pinchers - come at him from either side.

He tries to go one way, I'll be there. Tries to go the other way, Poppy'll be there.

-Genius, innit?

-Genius.

Gaynor'll be with you in a minute, all right?

I'm sorry if I got a bit ahead of myself earlier on.

You know, with the car and all that.

You didn't need to do that, darling.

Course I did. Don't want you unhappy, do I?

-Not when we're about to fly off.

-I haven't packed yet.

I just got the cases down. I thought we could pack a bit extra - you know, bit of silk, bit of lace...

-Great.

-You do what you've got to do here, hand over the keys and I'll sort the rest out, all right?

TOY BANGS

Stop that racket. D'you hear me?

Stop your noise.

How class is that?

Max and Jack will see that I'm not just the coffee boy.

How many of these have you got?

-A thousand.

-One thousand?

Yep. Mickey did me a good deal. He said you can't call yourself a businessman

unless you've got business cards.

Yeah. It's going to take centuries to hand them all out. Sorry.

Right. Pretend you don't know me.

-But I do.

-Yeah, I know. But you're just pretending, right, Tam? Go with it, all right?

-Pretend we're at a function.

-What function?

Um, golf. A golf day.

I wouldn't be there, cos I don't like golf.

Yeah I know, but this is the bloke you're pretending to be.

-He likes golf?

-He loves it.

Oh, OK. What trousers am I wearing?

-Sorry?

-Cos they wear really weird trousers.

Yeah, anyway, I come over, and we get chatting, and you say...

-"D'you like my trousers?"

-No. You say, what do I do for a living?

And I say, "Darren Miller, sales exec, work in the automobile industry."

-And you say...

-"I've got other pairs."

"How interesting. Really good to talk to you.

"Why don't you take one of my cards and...call me?"

-I've already got one, though, so...

-Well, now you've got two.

OK. I'll call you twice, then.

Yeah. Call me twice.

-Here he is.

-Here he is.

-Oh, look what I've got!

Pincher One to Pincher Two. Are you reading me? Over.

Pincher Two to Pincher One, I am reading you. Over.

-Darren Miller, I am sick of being engaged to you.

-Sick to death.

-So I've decided that we're going to set a date.

-A date to get married.

Cool.

I will see you on the golf course, Darren. OK?

Oh, you should've told me you were having a meeting.

Tell you what, that centre has been a godsend to me. Talking of which...

This is too late for me, my dear. Not enough time left to repent for all the things that I have done.

-That's just it - it's never too late.

-We're talking roof here.

Oh...sorry.

-There's some wise words in here.

-Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, but none of 'em mention a tiler. So come on, Jean, focus.

Right.

I've put together a fund-raising team list.

So Patrick, because you're such a charmer,

I thought you could contact local companies and see if they'd like to contribute to the cause.

Well, then, I'll give it my charming best, my dear.

-Norman and I...

-Yeah?

I thought we could do event management.

Organise some sort of function where we get people to...

open their eyes to what is going on.

I'm all for that, Jean.

-You are?

-Oh, yeah.

-So who's going to do the catering?

W-W-Why do we need catering?

-You always need catering.

-Yeah, I could help you with that Jean. Yeah, you cook, I'll dish out.

-OK, that sounds settled, then.

-It does?

-Yeah.

Hold on. This is JEAN'S scheme.

Yeah, and it's working beautifully. I'll help you manage events. And I hope you've got some good ideas.

-Well, let's discuss it all over a bottle of wine, eh?

-Oh, lovely.

-SHE SHOUTS:

-Brainwave! Brainwave!

I know what will get us some money.

We could have a fete. Yeah. We could hold a fete.

And it could be called the, um...

Fete and Fortune Day.

-I can do me tarot cards.

-You know, we could get Ian to sponsor that.

And we'll need a main attraction, so maybe, Norman, you could do your Pearly King thing.

-You'll need a Pearly Queen.

-I could do that. We could be a right pearly royal couple, Norman.

-Everyone will flock to see us.

-That's a great idea!

-But I've got my own Queen.

-You have?

You'll do it, won't you, Pat?

CRASHING

OSCAR SCREAMS

Oscar?

I'm on my way there now.

Yeah, I'm going to tidy up, yeah. Put everything in boxes.

Yeah all right, I'll see you there.

What you doing there?

-What are we going to do, Max?

-What do you mean, do?

-About the wedding. The double wedding. You know - me, you, Jodie, Vanessa.

-Why? What?

It's still happening. They're in the kitchen, planning it.

They dragged me here and started talking about flamingoes.

I had to escape. You've got to calm them down, have a word.

-I can't - I got to be somewhere.

-What am I going to do?

-Darren, just calm down.

-Calm down? I need to find about 20 grand.

-Maybe you don't need to.

-It's not like I can turn to my parents - they ain't got it.

-I didn't mean that.

-Just slow down, don't panic and things'll take care of themselves, all right?

-Well, how exactly?

Darren, just keep your money in your pocket, all right?

Just keep it there and what will be will be.

Max...

You do realise you're my hero, don't you?

Yeah, I managed to get rid of most of them.

Oh, great. Me too.

Rai, have you read anything yet about forgiveness?

-Loads.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Why?

Just wondering.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

What?

Right, yeah, I'll be straight there.

Tan?

MUSIC: "La Bamba" by Los Lobos

HE SINGS ALONG: # La, la, la, la La Bamba

# Ba-da-ba-da-da, da-da. #

Oh, yeah!

Thank you. How is he?

He's fine, Mrs Jessop. Just a cut and a small bruise.

I'm going for a drink. He's worn me out.

Oh, I'm so sorry, darling. Mummy should've been here, shouldn't she?

-He'll definitely be OK?

-Right as rain.

-OK, well, thank you.

-To be honest, I was hoping to see you.

-You were?

While Oscar's in the play area, can I have a quick word?

My receptionist will look after him.

Yeah, OK.

You all right?

Jodie...I've thought long and hard about this,

and I've decided that I'm not going to marry you.

-Oh, no.

-What?

-Without making it the social event of the year!

-TAMWAR LAUGHS

-I almost ruined my golf trousers.

-I'm going to go now - I got a restaurant to run.

-Well, not yet,

cos I ain't asked you to be my best man yet, have I?

-Are you going to get down on one knee?

-No but come on - you going to do me the honour? Yes or no?

-Yes.

-I can have what I want?

-And more.

-Have you actually got the money, though?

-Yeah, I've got the money.

-Good.

-THEY SCREAM

It's on - the double wedding! Darren said that Max said it's on!

-Forgive me for asking, but did you get a letter recently?

-From?

-The health service.

-I don't know. It's been so manic lately, I...

I did stuff some post in my bag, actually, yeah.

What they writing to me for? It's not one of them surveys, is it?

I don't think it's a survey.

-How did you know I was getting a letter?

-You should maybe open it.

-What is this?

-The results of your smear test.

Your smear's reported as having severe dyskaryosis.

-What's that in English?

-Don't be alarmed, but they're pre-cancerous abnormal cells

that may need treatment.

I heard the C word then. That was the C word.

-The results don't necessarily mean that.

-So, what do they mean?

There's a concern about some of the cells. For the majority of women, however, they won't be cancerous.

-But they might be for me?

-You'll need to call the gynaecology unit to make an appointment.

The leaflets they enclosed tell you more.

I, um...

D'you know, I did have some...

Some bleeding...

you know - after sex. Does that mean something?

It's bad, isn't it? I knew it was. I meant to come in about that...

Well, you'll need to get it checked out.

-It's bad, isn't it?

-We need to get you looked at as soon as we can.

Right, but you're... I mean, you've seen all this before, so you'd know.

We can't make assumptions - not at this stage.

Is this... Is this what I think...

Is this what I think it could be?

Is it? I mean, you can tell me. I'd like to hear.

Obviously... Obviously, I wouldn't but I've got to. So tell me...

-Tell me. Is it?

-Tanya...

It's cancer, innit? Tanya, please...

Hm!

Like father, like daughter.

Let's make this appointment, hey?

He was dead before he was 40.

SHE SINGS ALONG TO RADIO: # Ever since we met you've had a hold on me

# It happens to be true

# I only wanna be with you. #

-Flamingos, Poppy.

-Flamingos, yeah.

-Ice sculptures.

-Ice sculptures!

-THEY SQUEAL

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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