15/11/2011 EastEnders


15/11/2011

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Transcript


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"Ho, ho, ho."

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-Are you joking?

-What?

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That's foreign!

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It's Dutch, innit?

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That's all right. There's a lot of Dutch speakers in Walford(!)

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Apparently the Amish community are setting up on George Street.

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And they'll be into singing Santas?

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-Come on, darl. You know how much we love a challenge.

-Living with you is a challenge.

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-That's the spirit.

-Why are they here anyway?

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Tyler needed somewhere to stash them, that's all. Ah, talk of the devil.

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-You are out of order.

-Look, I was doing you a favour, all right? I was just doing what comes naturally.

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Shut up now, you pair of tarts. You ready for a brisk day's trading?

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Yes! Listen.

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TOY SPEAKS CHRISTMAS MESSAGE IN DUTCH

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Give us a full English, please, Shirl.

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-That'll be 4.50.

-Right.

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-You got a problem?

-Yeah. Sure I had a 20 in here earlier.

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-Yeah. Don't pull that old stroke.

-No, really. I did. I swear.

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All right, pops? Check out my new Fuggs.

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-Don't put 'em on the table.

-Whatever. £20 on the market. What a bargain.

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Guess that's your mystery solved.

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-Do you like them?

-Yeah, seeing as how I paid for them.

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I didn't think you'd mind. Look on them as an early Christmas present.

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-What have I told you about taking things without asking?

-All right, sorry.

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If you're off school, you'll have to pull your weight more.

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I could just get a job.

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-What, just like that?

-Yeah. Why not?

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-You cannot let a girl...

-Or girls.

-Or girls, thank you, Tyler. ..come between you two.

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Because no girl is worth it.

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Cheers. Is that right?

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No, hold on, except my beautiful wife who is an exception to the rule.

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Come on lads, own up. Jodie and Poppy, they're nice enough.

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-No, Alfie, they're more than nice.

-And to be fair, mate, when it comes to relationship advice, you suck.

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Thank you, Tyler. They're not exactly...

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-They're not exactly marriage material, are they?

-Who wants to get married?

-You two, one day.

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You can laugh all you want, but all this jumping from bed to bed with different birds,

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one day you'll meet the right girl and realise this argument is hot fuss over nothing.

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-He is like a dog on heat.

-He's too sensitive.

-Come on!

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Girls, girls, shut up. There's only one way to decide this, right?

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This is by Moon mortal combat.

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Or better still, who gets rid of the most of these at the end the day.

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-You are toast.

-Yeah? Well, you're burnt toast.

-That don't even make sense.

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I don't care how you shift 'em, just get them out the front room.

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Come on, you heard the lady. Let's go, chop, chop. Let's move it. Go, go, go.

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There you go, take that with you. That's it.

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-She wouldn't.

-Why not? It's just her style.

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She was only a little kid at the time.

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-As far as she knew, it was an accident.

-Yeah, well, we'll soon see what she knows.

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Phil...don't do anything hasty.

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As if.

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Get your Santas, singing Santas! All right, Mrs Beale? Anthony Moon, at your service.

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It's Ms Clarke, actually. But just call me Jane.

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All right, Jane, Tyler Moon. How about some Christmas lights?

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-How about a singing Santa?

-I'll even put 'em up.

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I bet you say that to all the girls.

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I'm offended, I thought we had something special. Right, two packs do you?

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-Oh, all right, then.

-I hope you've got an adaptor.

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These lights have got that European plug on 'em.

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Oh, right. I think I'll just leave it.

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-How about a singing Santa?

-It's not really my thing.

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-They're down with the kids at the moment.

-Really?

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-Yeah. Little Bobby would love it. Be a great present.

-Go on, then.

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Long as he speaks Dutch.

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Just a little minor technical hitch, that's all.

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"Ho, ho, ho".

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D'you know, it's OK, really. I think I'll pass.

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-Hello, boys. You having a nice day?

-What do you want?

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-A job.

-You can forget about that, can't you?

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-I could flog this gear, no problem.

-Might be worth giving her a go.

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-What, so she can just set fire to everything again?

-Forget it.

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She can't be doing no worse than you.

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-Let's see by tonight who's sold the most then, yeah?

-Deal.

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-Loser. Loser.

-You're hired.

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Right, they got European plugs on 'em, right? Don't show the customers...

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Oh, what a pleasant surprise.

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You're lucky to have caught me in, I only just got back from the launderette.

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Oh, that is fortuitous.

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I was just passing and I thought I'd pop in

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and drop off the advent rotas.

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Oh, how very kind. Would you like a tea and a slice of my jam sponge?

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Actually I'm just on my way to a Mayoral banquet.

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Oh, how very grand.

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Yes, indeed. And I was wondering if maybe you might like to accompany me.

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Well, I'm not sure about that. Sounds a bit stuffy to me.

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Nonsense.

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It's an honour to be invited to such an important occasion.

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Oh, well, in that case I'd be delighted.

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Perhaps you'd like to come as well, Mrs Branning?

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Me?

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Of course. As my most cherished parishioner.

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Oh, well, if you put it like that, I can hardly refuse, can I?

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The same price as the last lot. Just drop 'em at the club.

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Make sure she's not there when you do. Yeah. Cheers.

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Surprise!

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-Jane!

-Hello!

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Hello, you.

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Tan, are you all right? You don't look too well.

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Yes, of course I am. No, I've had this flu thing. I can't shift it, that's all.

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Look, if you're that ill, I can always come back a bit later.

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No, don't be silly. Don't be silly. Come on in. Hello!

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So you didn't hear anything she was saying to him?

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Since when does anyone ever listen to what Janine has to say? What's this all about?

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I think it's Janine who's behind these photos and everything.

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-Janine?! Why would she do that?

-Why does Janine do anything?

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-I still reckon it's one of your ex bunny boilers.

-Give it a rest!

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I reckon it's Janine and I'm going to prove it.

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-All right, calm down, Sherlock. I'm just saying.

-I just don't need any earache on top of all this.

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You still coming down The Vic later on?

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Nah. I've got some business to sort out down the club.

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Suit yourself.

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What you looking at, freak?

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So can you do it?

0:08:000:08:01

Can Fats fix it? Yes, he can, bruv!

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Sweet!

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Here we go, Mrs Moon. Nice and tidy for you now?

0:08:060:08:09

-Yeah, you've done well.

-Thank you.

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Girls, girls, your lunch is in the kitchen, let's go.

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Kat, please can Tiff have a sleepover tonight?

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-Yeah, course she can.

-We need to make cakes for Children in Need.

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-You are talking to an award-winning chef, all right?

-Yeah, right(!)

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-I can make the best beans on toast this side of Walford.

-Can you make cup cakes?

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Yes, I can make cup cakes. I can make cup cakes, tea cakes. All sorts of cakes.

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Come on, listen, never mind talking. Eat your lunch, next door. Let's go. Chop, chop, chop! Go, go!

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-They're great, aren't they?

-Wait till they're a bit older and their hormones kick in.

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I know, they don't stay young for too long, do they?

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That's why we should make the most of Tommy before he grows up.

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Santa... Talking Santa?

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A-ha, Mrs Evans. You're looking particularly lovely today.

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-What are you after?

-Can I interest you in some Christmas lights?

-No, thanks.

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Come on, they match your earrings.

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Why don't you save the patter for someone who weren't born yesterday?

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Well, you certainly weren't born yesterday. What are you, 102?

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Old enough to have seen a stream of gobby little mares like you

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pass through this manor over the years.

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All of them thought they were something special and you know what? None of 'em were.

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-Hey.

-Hey.

-What are you doing?

-I told you I'd get a job.

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Did you nick 'em?

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Why do you always think the worst of me?

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I don't, all right? I'm just looking out for you.

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All right, see ya.

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And I've had the police on the phone.

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Woah, that's terrible.

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Seems there's a shipment of dodgy Dutch Christmas goods doing the rounds.

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Oh. That's really bad.

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Yeah, exactly. And the police are planning a clamp down.

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They're very keen on arrests.

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Yeah, well they would be, in their line of work.

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And in your position as landlord, you obviously hear things.

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Mr Lister, you'd be amazed at some of the things I hear.

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Enough to make your hair curl. Sorry, no offence.

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None taken. So, I was wondering if maybe you could keep your ear to the ground.

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Course I will, listen, my eyes and my ears are well and truly peeled.

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And if I hear anything, Mr Lister, I promise you'll be first to know, my friend.

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OK, you take care.

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Don't worry about it.

0:10:240:10:26

Anthony, it's Alfie. Listen, change of plan.

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Then Zainab forgave Yusef and let him stay.

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And when Mas found out, that's when he walked out for good.

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Right into your arms. How's it going with you two?

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Great. Apart from never really getting much time alone.

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What with Mas at the B&B and me with Syed and Amira.

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Yeah. How is the princess?

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Secretly glad to have got rid of Christian.

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And generally...challenging.

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Yeah, see, that's it.

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I have visions of her making Syed scatter rose petals wherever she walks.

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And peeling her grapes.

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Filling her bath with asses' milk.

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-Ian tried that once, you know.

-Stop it.

-No, no. But he was so tight, he used semi-skimmed instead.

0:11:050:11:10

-I've missed you.

-Me too.

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And I've really missed having someone to talk to.

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So, Tanya, how are you coping without having a man in your life?

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Oh, I'm fine.

0:11:220:11:24

-Yeah. Really?

-Yes. Men are overrated, ain't they?

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Well, when you're ready to have a relationship again,

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you'll have them queuing up. Just like always.

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So...any other gossip I should know about?

0:11:320:11:36

No. Same old, same old. You know what it's like round here.

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No, no, I can't. I've got to get home.

0:11:410:11:43

-I promised Bobby I'd bake cakes for school.

-Oh, right.

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Tell you what, why don't we go for a drink tonight?

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Yes, I'd love to.

0:11:520:11:53

Well, that passed the time a little bit.

0:12:230:12:25

-You fancy a bit of lunch?

-No, I can't, got to get back to work.

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-All work and no play.

-Yes, makes Janine a very wealthy woman.

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Although, I might be able to schedule a little bit of time in tonight

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for some meaningless escapism if you fancy it.

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Yeah? I'll check my diary.

0:12:380:12:40

-You do that.

-All right. Vic, drink first? I know how to treat a bird.

0:12:410:12:45

Oh, come on, what, like a proper date?

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Maybe.

0:12:480:12:49

OK. Could be fun.

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All right.

0:12:520:12:54

I said to him, it might say bed and breakfast above the door,

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but honey, if you want feeding, get yourself out of my bed and make your own breakfast.

0:12:570:13:01

-Sounds like you've got a keeper there(!)

-Please!

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One day your prince will come.

0:13:050:13:07

-If Bealey can bag wife number five, there's hope for all of us!

-You're not wrong.

0:13:070:13:11

-Alfie, can I have a word?

-Yeah, course you can.

0:13:110:13:14

What's all that stuff doing back in the living room?

0:13:140:13:16

Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry, just that Lister was sniffing around

0:13:160:13:20

-so we had to get it shifted, that's all.

-I want it moved. Now!

0:13:200:13:23

Tell you what, why don't you and Kim get your gladrags on,

0:13:230:13:27

go and have a night out. When you get back it'll all be gone.

0:13:270:13:30

-Now we're talking.

-What about the kids and their cakes?

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-I can take care of them.

-Nah, I'm not really in the mood.

-Well, I am.

0:13:340:13:38

Count yourself lucky your man is giving you a night off.

0:13:380:13:40

-That's right, sister, can I have an amen?

-Amen!

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I am known as the epitome of the enlightened model male.

0:13:430:13:46

Regular Mary Poppins, eh? Practically perfect in every way.

0:13:460:13:50

-Yes, thank you. Don't get my missus into any trouble, all right?

-Me?

0:13:500:13:54

-Enjoy your chat with your journalist mate?

-Did you break in?

0:14:080:14:12

-I suppose you think you're clever.

-You'll pay for the damage to that door.

0:14:120:14:16

That door is the least of your worries, trust me.

0:14:160:14:19

-What do you want?

-You've been a naughty girl, Janine.

0:14:210:14:24

Philip, I never had you down as the role-play type.

0:14:240:14:28

Don't mess me about, all right?

0:14:280:14:30

You think this is funny, do you, eh?

0:14:300:14:33

Think it's funny dragging up the past? So what are you after?

0:14:330:14:37

Some sort of revenge for your old man? Because don't think he was innocent in what happened.

0:14:370:14:41

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-I told you, don't mess me about. I know it was you.

0:14:410:14:46

So what did you say to that journalist pal of yours?

0:14:460:14:48

Oh, yeah, I told him everything. All about your dodgy swan roast.

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But it seems like the dodgy swan roast is the least of your worries.

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Why exactly are you getting so worked up about this?

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And what did you mean when you said my dad wasn't innocent?

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You stay out of my business. You hear me?

0:15:080:15:11

And the results for the Christmas stock selling bonanza are in.

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And the winner is...drum roll...

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Tyler.

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Yes! Which means you don't get to mention the girls again.

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No, no, but...

0:15:320:15:33

Oi, oi, a bet's a bet, all right, mush? Ah, Mr. Lister. How are you, sir? Any joy in your search?

0:15:330:15:37

Sadly not. It seems as if they got wind and moved on.

0:15:370:15:41

At least you saw 'em off one way or another. Fancy a drink? On the house.

0:15:410:15:45

-Very kind.

-What would you like?

-Bitter top?

-Us law-abiding citizens should stick together.

0:15:450:15:50

Hey, check this out, bruv!

0:15:500:15:53

And where did you get that from?

0:15:530:15:56

This? This...

0:15:560:15:59

This...I got...

0:15:590:16:01

live and direct from the mean streets of Brixton, bruv.

0:16:010:16:04

-Is that right?

-Uh-huh.

0:16:040:16:05

In that case, you don't mind if I take a little look at it?

0:16:050:16:09

No...not at all. Go for it.

0:16:110:16:14

TOY PLAYS JINGLE BELLS

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"Ho, ho, ho, this is your MC Fat wishing you a jingle-icious Christmas!"

0:16:190:16:24

That certainly isn't Dutch.

0:16:240:16:26

Mind you, I'm not sure it's exactly English, either.

0:16:260:16:30

It's not, bruv, it's 100% fluent Fats, you get me?

0:16:300:16:33

All right, Fats. Good to see you.

0:16:340:16:36

-Bitter top?

-Yes, please, thank you.

0:16:360:16:38

"Ho, ho, ho..."

0:16:400:16:42

-Right, we all set then?

-Yeah.

-PHONE BEEPS

0:16:420:16:45

Everything all right?

0:16:500:16:51

Yeah, yeah. Just Masood.

0:16:510:16:53

Kim and Denise are out for the evening and he's got the place to himself.

0:16:530:16:57

You should go.

0:16:570:16:59

No, what about our night out?

0:16:590:17:02

No. We can go out anytime.

0:17:030:17:05

You should go. Just go.

0:17:050:17:07

I insist.

0:17:070:17:09

Thank you.

0:17:090:17:11

-I will make this up to you, I promise.

-Have a good one.

0:17:120:17:16

Where's Jane gone?

0:17:230:17:24

She got a better offer.

0:17:240:17:26

-That's a bit out of order, ain't it?

-No. Can't be helped, can it?

0:17:260:17:31

Did you...tell her about..?

0:17:340:17:36

No.

0:17:380:17:39

Why not?

0:17:390:17:40

I was enjoying having a laugh and a chat.

0:17:420:17:44

Tell you what, why don't I come out with you instead?

0:17:460:17:50

Oh, you don't have to do that.

0:17:500:17:51

No, I want to.

0:17:510:17:53

Besides, shame not to now you've gone to all that effort.

0:17:530:17:56

All right.

0:17:580:17:59

So I came out on top. Thanks to you. Good work.

0:18:010:18:05

-All right?

-All right.

-What was all that about?

0:18:070:18:11

That's who I was flogging the gear for. Told you I didn't steal it.

0:18:110:18:14

Oh, right. Sounds like you did good.

0:18:140:18:17

-Yeah. I sold out.

-So what you going to spend the money on?

0:18:170:18:20

-Already have.

-Lo, you were meant to be earning to pay me back for them boots.

0:18:200:18:25

Yeah, I know, but I saw this and just had to get it.

0:18:250:18:29

Think of it as an early Christmas present.

0:18:290:18:31

Not that you deserve it.

0:18:310:18:32

-Eh?

-Go on, open it.

0:18:320:18:35

For when you carry the Olympic flame.

0:18:410:18:44

Couldn't have you running around like a canary in that horrible yellow thing.

0:18:440:18:48

Going to buy me a drink to say thanks?

0:18:480:18:51

Don't push it. Go on. Get yourself home.

0:18:510:18:53

And Lo, thanks.

0:18:550:18:56

You're a good kid.

0:18:580:19:00

-Now go on, hop it.

-See you later.

-See ya.

0:19:000:19:02

Yes!

0:19:020:19:04

Oh, thank you ever so much, Vicar, for the delightful dinner.

0:19:040:19:09

Even if some people did take advantage of the free bar.

0:19:090:19:12

Got to get it while you can, haven't you?

0:19:120:19:14

Here, what about your announcement?

0:19:140:19:17

Oh, yes, right. Of course.

0:19:170:19:20

Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please?

0:19:200:19:25

Quiet, please!

0:19:250:19:26

I've just come from the Mayor's dinner and I have some very exciting news.

0:19:280:19:34

-You ain't been defrocked, have ya?

-Shirley Carter. Show some respect.

0:19:340:19:37

-Perhaps you should make the announcement, Mrs Branning.

-What, me? No, no, it ain't my place.

0:19:370:19:42

Well, someone tell us what's happening then.

0:19:420:19:45

The Olympic flame is coming to Walford!

0:19:450:19:48

CHEERING

0:19:480:19:50

-And you know who's going to be carrying that bad boy, don't ya!

-Yeah.

0:19:500:19:54

Me.

0:19:540:19:55

GIRLS GIGGLING

0:19:550:19:58

Girls, what are you still doing up, eh?

0:20:010:20:05

-This is well wicked.

-Can I have one?

0:20:050:20:07

-They're not really...

-Can I have one as well?

0:20:070:20:10

Ah, here she is. Ready for your night out?

0:20:100:20:12

I don't have to go out, if you don't want me to.

0:20:120:20:14

-No. You enjoy yourself, my princess.

-Princesses don't wear leopard-print dresses.

0:20:140:20:18

-Excuse me, young lady, princesses come in all shapes and sizes, all right?

-Like in Shrek.

-Exactly.

0:20:180:20:25

And while some people might think Princess Kathleen is a bit of an ogre...

0:20:250:20:31

-Charming!

-..she is, in fact, the most beautiful princess in the whole world

0:20:310:20:35

and she has the biggest heart in the land.

0:20:350:20:37

When I grow up, I want to marry someone just like you.

0:20:370:20:40

Ah, thanks, Tiff. Right, go on, both of you! Bed. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

0:20:400:20:45

All right? Janine been in?

0:20:540:20:57

Psst. Oi, cloth ears!

0:20:590:21:01

Still giving me the silent treatment, are you?

0:21:010:21:04

Fine. Would have been boring anyway, I suspect.

0:21:040:21:07

Service is slow tonight, innit?

0:21:100:21:12

Should you even be drinking with your treatment?

0:21:120:21:15

Tell you what, I'll do you a deal.

0:21:150:21:17

You don't mention my treatment and, umm...

0:21:170:21:19

And, umm..?

0:21:190:21:21

Can I have two G&Ts, please? Make 'em doubles.

0:21:210:21:24

I think you've got yourself a deal.

0:21:240:21:26

All right?

0:21:280:21:30

All right?

0:21:300:21:32

Something I should know?

0:21:350:21:37

Nope.

0:21:370:21:39

I must apologise for my sister, Vicar.

0:21:420:21:44

-For butting in like that and stealing your thunder.

-That's perfectly all right.

0:21:440:21:48

The important thing is that we spread the word.

0:21:480:21:51

Well, I know Jesus said spread the word, but it's hardly the same thing.

0:21:510:21:56

Rose, it's time we went.

0:21:560:21:58

I'm fine here. You do what you like.

0:21:580:22:01

Arthur, would you be so kind as to escort me home?

0:22:020:22:06

Absolutely, Mrs B.

0:22:060:22:07

Here... and whatever Patrick's having.

0:22:130:22:17

Not for me, thank you.

0:22:190:22:20

Come on, have a drink with me.

0:22:200:22:22

I know Phil's been a berk to you, but he's a berk to everyone.

0:22:220:22:25

OK then, if you put it that way... I'll have a rum.

0:22:260:22:29

That's the spirit. Forgive and forget. Oi, Vicar.

0:22:290:22:33

What's it say in the Bible about forgiveness?

0:22:330:22:36

Well, there are many bits in the Bible about forgiveness.

0:22:360:22:39

But my personal favourite is from Colossians...

0:22:390:22:42

"Bear with each other

0:22:420:22:45

"and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.

0:22:450:22:51

"Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

0:22:510:22:56

Nah, that's not it. But it'll do.

0:22:560:22:59

To forgiveness.

0:23:010:23:02

ALL: To forgiveness.

0:23:020:23:04

Wow, it is ram-jammed with talent in here tonight. Hello, boys...

0:23:410:23:47

Now, I just need to decide who is going to be the lucky recipient of some unadulterated Kimberley.

0:23:470:23:56

Oh, hello, come to mama. Cooee!

0:23:560:24:01

-Get off!

-What you doing here?

0:24:310:24:32

Don't worry, I haven't come to ask for my job back, all right?

0:24:320:24:36

I just...thought you might need a bit of company.

0:24:360:24:40

Yeah, well, I don't. So clear off.

0:24:400:24:43

You about to have a drink, were you?

0:24:460:24:48

What's it to you if I was?

0:24:480:24:49

I care about... I care about you drinking, that's what.

0:24:490:24:55

-You don't care about anyone but yourself.

-Is that what you think?

0:24:550:24:58

Just go, will you?

0:24:580:25:00

What's wrong?

0:25:030:25:04

Look at our history. You can tell me.

0:25:060:25:09

-Why won't you just tell me?

-Cos it's in the past and that's where it should stay.

0:25:090:25:14

If it's got something to do with my dad, I've got a right to know.

0:25:140:25:17

-You're better off not knowing. Trust me, please.

-This is just so typical of you.

0:25:170:25:22

Y'know, lording it over me as usual. Keeping me in the dark.

0:25:220:25:26

You are still trying to drive a wedge between me and my dad

0:25:260:25:29

even after all these years.

0:25:290:25:30

OK, fine. I'll tell you.

0:25:320:25:35

But you won't like it.

0:25:350:25:37

Yes, yes, you can both have a Fatboy Santa, all right?

0:25:370:25:40

-Now go to sleep, you two.

-Night, Alfie.

-Love you, Alfie.

0:25:400:25:43

-You're back early!

-Yeah, I'm a bit old for all that lark.

0:25:460:25:49

Listen to you, Kat Moon, party girl extraordinaire,

0:25:490:25:52

hanging up her party shoes.

0:25:520:25:54

Yeah, that'll be the day. Anyway, the two horrors are in bed.

0:25:540:25:57

And Tommy Moon is fast a-kip, all right?

0:25:570:25:59

-Mary Poppins strikes again.

-You better believe it.

0:25:590:26:02

Tell you what, why don't you go next door, put your feet up.

0:26:020:26:06

I'll bring in your knitting and a lovely hot cup of milk.

0:26:060:26:10

-I'm not quite there yet.

-We will be one day. And you know what I reckon?

-What?

0:26:100:26:14

Be the best days of our lives. Can see it now, me in my West Ham slippers, smoking a pipe like that.

0:26:140:26:20

You in your leopard-print support tights with a zimmer frame.

0:26:200:26:23

-Sounds perfect.

-And we'll be old and wrinkly, but we won't care cos we'll have each other.

0:26:230:26:28

And obviously Tommy Moon taking care of us.

0:26:280:26:31

And maybe other little Moons running around. Obviously not straight away. But that...

0:26:310:26:35

Alfie...

0:26:350:26:36

That'd be more up to you...

0:26:360:26:38

-Alfie.

-While the kids are asleep, me and you can start practising, eh?

0:26:380:26:42

I cheated on you.

0:26:500:26:52

I've been with someone else.

0:26:590:27:00

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