17/02/2012 EastEnders

Whitney!

Whit!

You can get 'em in a variety of shades so you can match 'em to your colour theme.

Oh, Hev, just imagine. You and Patrick going down the aisle on one.

And me going down the other with baby George.

Hello?

Yeah, just a sec.

-BIKE ENGINE REVS LOUDLY

-I'll pick you up at seven.

-What?

-Seven!

Shirl. Shirl!

What do you mean you're not well?

Look, we've been cooped up in here all morning.

Let's go out and get some fresh air.

Wait, let me just see if she was two-timing him

with her brother or her ex-con lesbian lover.

Since when did you watch this kind of rubbish?

Since I wasn't allowed to go to work, Afia!

Tam! Honestly, sometimes you're worse than Kamil!

C'mon, get that off and changed.

Yeah, OK. I'll catch you up.

Go ahead.

I dunno what you're getting so worked up about.

I'm not getting worked up. S'just. she seemed a little bit upset.

She's not your problem anymore. She's with Fatboy, remember?

Your best mate. Who you live with.

I thought they were supposed to be in Paris?

Maybe they're leaving tonight.

Is this really what you want to talk about right now?

Maybe this weren't such a good idea.

OK.

I've got a bit of a headache, to tell you the truth.

Yeah, I've got somewhere to be actually.

I'll call you back.

-Please tell me you didn't.

-I didn't.

I sit on that sofa, Tyler. Half of this sofa is mine.

You just can't help yourself, can you?

Fats, you got a minute?

Now's not really a good time, babe.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, course.

I wanted to talk to you about... about Tam.

I'm worried about him.

He's only just started to acknowledge my existence again

but, well, something's still up and he won't talk to me about it.

I don't suppose you could, you know, take him out for a drink or something?

I don't really think I'm the right guy.

He's still getting dressed in the bathroom.

With the door locked. Please, Fats.

He could really do with a mate right now.

A Harley Davidson! I thought you'd be a bit more excited.

I know your mum can be overbearing but that...

You do know that Thelma and Louise went off a cliff?

-What's that gotta do with anything?

-All that feminist clap trap. They leave their men.

-They die.

-I think you're missing the point.

No, you are.

I thought you said tonight was going to be all about us.

Course, it's just that...

I'll speak to Shirl. I promise.

All right.

Beautiful, ain't it? Keep pinching myself.

Ain't never been loved like this before.

I hate letting Shirley down, though.

I mean, she ain't said nothing, but, you know,

all this stuff with Phil, it must be eating her up inside.

I know I'm not his biggest fan but you can't help who you love, can you?

Didn't you come for your washing?

Ain't you two supposed to be sipping Champagne in gay Paris?

-Yeah, all right, none of my business. You want to make yourself useful?

-What?

Marie is ill, I'm half-cut and Bianca's gone gallivanting who knows where.

So if you don't want me to give her job away get in that kitchen pronto.

Oi!

You're all right, you'll be covered in sick for the next year. Get used to it.

I'll send you the dry-cleaning bill.

Be cheaper to buy a new one. Oi, come on then!

-OK, what is it?

-What's what?

The very important thing you needed to talk to me about? Fatboy?

Yeah... No...

I just wanted to know how you was feeling, you know,

after all the...

-Did Afia put you up this?

-No! No. No, all right.

Afia? Afia who? Who's Afia?

I just wish she'd stop fussing and leave me alone.

Hey, Mr Lover Boy! No arm candy, eh? Losing your touch, ain't ya?

Just a pint please, mate.

Nothing to talk about here really is there?

It was just a ruse to get me to "express my feelings".

Which isn't going to happen, by the way. So you can drop the mean and moody act.

-Unless that's got something to do with him?

-No.

-Whitney?

-No.

He... He makes her heart thump.

This coat is not from a charity shop unlike most of Shirley Carter's wardrobe.

Well, it won't fit you for much longer.

If I saw a pig, I would actually run after it with a knife and fork.

Boy. Gotta be. And he's going to be a whopper.

What are you doing here, Michael?

I got you...that.

How thoughtful.

You're welcome. How was your Valentine's gig?

Oh, so you did remember that it was Valentine's Day?

Oh, don't tell me you go in for all that, do you?

We didn't break even.

Well, I'm hardly surprised. Loads of teenagers looking to cop off. Yuck!

And a waddling, pregnant bird on the door - that was a joke. Passion killer.

Shut the door on your way out. That was not a joke.

Is he all right? He's hardly said anything since he got here.

They're so much more attractive when they don't speak.

Maybe we should just go to the caff?

Yeah. Cos that'd help, wouldn't it? Tea and a biscuit.

Fatboy, confrontation's not a good idea, cos he used to box, remember?

All right, Fatboy?

Shouldn't you be on your way to Paris by now?

Yeah, I should.

-Well, where's Whitney?

-Is that a hickey?

-Think about something else.

You dirty dog! Who was it this time, eh?

Alfie! That could have been someone special?

It weren't. It weren't.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fats, what are you doing?

-You're supposed to be mates.

-I thought so too. No-one special?

We broke up cos of you! You waste, man!

Fats.

Well that was fun. We should do it again some day.

Fats, I'm sorry, all right?

It was a stupid spur-of-the-moment thing.

My fault. Not Whit's. It didn't mean nothing.

-Please don't break up over a silly kiss.

-You don't realise.

She left ME. For YOU.

My best friend. And you knew how I felt about her, bruv!

But that didn't matter. She's just another bunny in the bed, eh?

You didn't even have enough decency to get her out the Emporium.

What?

OK, I'll just go.

Fats. Bruv, you know earlier. You know I weren't talking about Whitney, right?

Listen, don't chief me off. I heard you...together.

Bruv, you've got it twisted, OK. That weren't Whit in the Emporium.

-She did come but we didn't speak because...

-Cos...cos of what, bruv?

Cos I was with Lucy.

-Lucy Beale.

-But even if I weren't, it wouldn't have meant nothing cos me and you are mates

and mates don't do that.

-You already said you kissed her.

-Once!

Once, man, I lost control, OK? I don't know how. My head has been all over the place.

You said you didn't have feelings for her.

I lied.

So... So all the other girls.

Were just me wishing that I didn't.

Cos me and you, we're brothers, all right?

And if it ain't cool with you then me and Whit...

It ain't cool.

So it ends here.

Good.

You know what? You can keep your guilt money, bruv.

Whit. Always turning up when I least expect to see you.

Black coffee to go, please.

Sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to embarrass you.

You didn't.

Well, it's not usually my style. But you know Tyler.

Yeah. Well if I were you, I'd get myself down the clinic.

I asked for coffee.

Don't worry. I've got all day.

You have been here less than an hour

and already you've mucked up three orders.

Just go home. I'll cover till I can find a waitress

-that does come from planet earth.

-No!

-I wasn't asking you.

-Please, Shirl. I'd rather be here.

-It's not my fault that you've split up with loverboy.

-Yeah, well, I dumped him.

My best mate for a cheating pig.

Which cheating pig?

Tyler Moon. He'd been chasing me for months.

They're always the same.

You give them a chance and then they just go.

No, we actually haven't got together.

So who is he actually cheating on?

-I didn't know Fatboy had it in him.

-You'd be surprised what people do when they're pushed to the limit.

So you're not with Whitney?

No.

Well, he was. Sort of. Ages ago.

Then Fatboy's with Whitney, then she broke it off.

-Because you kissed her?

-No, it was because she...

-Oh, dear.

-These things happen.

-Not unless you let them.

-Jean, not now, eh, sweetheart?

-I'm worried about Lauren.

What's she going to think when she finds out?

Lauren's ancient history. Do you want to keep up, darling?

Nice one.

I would offer to even you up

but I'm busy all afternoon shifting boxes, ON MY OWN.

-Get me a bottle please, Alfie.

-No, Alf, let me get this.

I'm sorry. I've been acting like a right muppet.

That depends, don't it? What Muppet you're talking about.

You're like the one on the drums that chases after women and thumps people.

Only difference is, looks like you who's getting thumped. Cheers.

Afia said to say sorry.

She's probably feeling bad for making you do your bit for care in the community.

C'mon, man. It weren't like that. You should go easy on her, you know.

You should probably stay with us tonight.

No, I mean it. You dunno how lucky you are. Afia's crazy about you.

She's crazy anyway.

C'mon. I know what everyone says. Look at her. Look at him.

-And that was before the fire.

-D'you think she's that superficial?

OK, I've got skin from my thigh grafted to my back.

I'm a freak!

She ain't going to see it like that.

She's not going to see it at all.

That ain't fair. It's not just about what you want.

You got to think of her.

And all this time I'm like, "Fatboy, Tyler? Tyler or Fatboy?"

What if neither of them are right?

You're 19 years old. Do something about it.

Find a fella that you fancy, makes you laugh

and don't smell too much and then enjoy every minute of it.

Shirl? Can I have a word, please?

We have got exactly three hours and fifteen minutes

before our date with Mr Pitt and some cheesy nachos.

The thing is...

What is the thing, Hev?

-Y'know how much I love the cinema and it's been such a long...

-Yeah, spit it out.

We've spent so much time together lately that Andrew feels a bit left out.

Should get some mates of his own then.

-It's just that I promised I'd do more stuff with him, you know, make an effort.

-What sort of stuff?

I dunno. You know, a meal or something.

I mean, nothing fancy.

OK.

You sure?

Mmm. Whatever makes you happy.

Anyway, Brad Pitt - he ain't all that.

Thanks. See ya.

CROCKERY BREAKS

Sorry.

I refuse to conform to a holiday dreamt up by a card company

designed solely to extract cash from gullible teenagers.

"Happy Belated Valentines" might have just done.

SHE SCREAMS

-Oooh!

-Yeah. Huh?

-That ain't from no charity shop.

-Well, I can tell.

Yeah, feel the quality. Check out inside. Open it. Open it.

Michael...

is this a baby-changing bag?

Yeah, yeah. Look!

You just wouldn't know, would you? All the stuff going on inside -

it's so intricate.

SHE SIGHS

I...

Come on. I thought a woman like you would appreciate something practical.

And who ever thought... that romance was dead?

-Will you be all right on your own for a bit? I got a few things to do.

-Yeah, course.

You must really miss him.

Phil, I mean.

That's what your mates are for - get you through the rough times.

-You still got whatshis-Moon, ain't you?

-Tyler.

-You do still want him, don't you?

Whit...nobody ever choked to death swallowing their pride.

I, er... I spoke to Shirl and, er, Mrs Branning.

She's agreed to have George for the evening, so...

I'm all yours.

-For mademoiselle.

-Oh!

I'm sorry. It's all they had the day after Valentine's.

Oh!

What did I do to deserve you, eh?

KNOCK AT DOOR

-SHIRLEY:

-You in there, Hev?

-Go on, Tyler, you can't stay here all day.

-I can make my own decisions.

-Oh, yeah.

That's been good for you, ain't it(?) Just go home, yeah?

Things always look brighter in the morning. Rosier, even.

-Fats, enough now, mate.

-Hey.

Alfie, I ain't come here to make no trouble, all right? I swear.

-D'you love her?

-He don't even know what love is.

-Hey, hold your mouth, man. I ain't even talking to you.

-I just want her to be happy, Fats.

-Well...

this ain't never going to be cool, all right?

But as long as you look after her...

You won.

Shirl, what kind of surprise?

-Well, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it, if I told you?

-This better be good.

Da-da!

MUSIC: "Young Guns" by Wham!

I, er... I was going to book a table for the three of us, but...

I thought this would be more cosy.

Well...I done the right thing. Now it's your turn.

-I dunno what you're talking about.

-Yeah. You do.

All right, Whit?

Er...Emin'll take your order.

No, it's you I wanted to... to speak to.

-Oh, right. Well, listen, if it's about this morning...

-No, look.

-Nothing happened this morning. It nearly did but...

-It doesn't matter.

See the good news is... I spoke to Fatboy.

He told me how you two split up cos of me,

and he's cool with it. Well, he's not cool with it. But he's not NOT cool with it, so...

I was thinking - it's probably best to stay at yours first.

I mean, we don't want to rub his nose in it.

-'Specially while it's nice and quiet with the kids away.

-Hm.

You arrogant pig!

-I can't believe you, Tyler.

-What?!

Whit...

So let me get this straight. Fatboy gave you permission, so now we're just together like that?

-OK, maybe it's come out wrong. I have sunk a few...

-Listen to me, Tyler.

No-one - and I mean no-one - decides who I see and who I don't.

Just...

You think you're so irresistible, don't you? Look. Well, you ain't.

You're just jealous cos of this morning.

Jealous of who? Lucy Beale? Yeah, all right(!) I'm worth ten of her.

-Now who's being arrogant?

-Yeah, well, if you like her so much, then why are you chasing after me?

-Or is that what it's all about? The chase?

-Yeah, cos this is great. I'm loving this(!)

-Yeah, well, go away and leave me alone, then!

-Well...

If that's what you really want... I will.

Yeah, it is.

You want a prawn cracker?

-No, thanks.

-Hev?

Nah. He don't like the way they fizz on his tongue. Ain't that right?

Hmm. Here, your mum pulled it out bag, didn't she, with that Harley?

Mm.

Look, are you going to make an effort?

Only Hev here, she thinks we should be spending more time together.

What - the three of us?

Well, no, she never used those words but I got the idea.

-Yeah. Well, I think you got the idea wrong.

-Andrew...

Look, I know Hev like the veins on the back of my hand.

I know what she's thinking before she even thinks it

and right now, more than anything, she wants us to get along -

almost as much as she wants to finish off these spring rolls. Ain't that right, Hev?

She's kind.

She knows you're lonely and she don't want to let you down.

She's a good person, and I respect that.

But you abuse her good nature. Take advantage.

That ain't friendship.

-What are you on about?

-I'm not very hungry.

-Now look what you've done!

-I'll deal with this.

And if I was you, I'd find some other mug to bully.

Cos once me and Hev are married, nothing's going to get between us.

Went well, then(?)

Oh, who did that? Whitney?

-Fatboy.

-So you told her how you felt?

Ish.

You didn't mention that caravan in Wales, did you? Cos that was a bit weird.

Oh, dear. Come on. Let's get a beer in you, son.

It's OK - I'm here.

Look, I tried to explain but it's like everything I say, she twists round.

And you're surprised? That's how birds roll.

-They always say the opposite of what they want. That's basic, Tyler. It's basic.

-You reckon?

Yeah. And more than "reckon". I know. So, what did she say?

-Stay away, yeah?

-Mm.

Get over there, then. Get over there.

Yeah, but how? What do I do?

Oh, dear, oh dear. Got it bad, ain't you?

This is what you do. Get up, dust yourself down.

Turn around. No guts, no glory, yeah? Remember. Go!

FRONT DOOR OPENS

I saved you the orange ones.

What d'you think came first - the colour or the fruit?

You're such a geek.

Well, we all know who I got that from. How's Fatboy?

Er, yeah, he's putting on a brave face.

Afia?

Yeah?

Oh, you don't need to take it off... SHE WINCES

Tam!

JANINE: Well, I can't see you anywhere.

Michael... This had better be good, or...

Or what?

Eh? Come on.

Any treatment you like.

And what would you recommend?

Oh, maybe a foot rub for my soon-to-be-swollen ankles?

-Nah, full body massage.

-Ooh!

What sort of a massage parlour is this?!

Mm!

I hate you.

I hate you, too.

I know you told me to leave you alone...

but I can't.

It don't work, cos you're in here.

And I cannot get you out of my head, no matter how hard I try.

I'm sorry I got ahead of myself earlier. But the thing is, I have rehearsed this moment

so many times in my head, sometimes I forget it ain't happened yet.

I love you, Whit.

Now, I can't pretend I haven't said them words before

but for the first time,

I understand what they mean.

See, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And if you give me another chance,

well, I can't promise I won't mess up,

but for the first time in my life...

I really, really, don't want to.

You're the most annoying person I've ever met in my whole life. You're...

full of yourself. Lazy.

You always say the wrong thing.

Well...nearly always.

You know, half of me wishes I never met you.

And the other half?

Well, the other half's in shock.

-Why?

-I dunno.

Cos for the first time in my life...

..I feel exactly the same.

And this time, I ain't scared.

-That's a good thing, yeah?

-Yeah.

You just said you loved me.

I do.

I suppose you want me to say it back.

Nah, you're all right.

Well I do...

..Tyler Moon.

I love you.

I always have.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd