08/03/2012 EastEnders

What do you mean, it's your fault?

-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

-Zainab?

Mum, what are you talking about?

I think I know what she's going to say.

And you probably know too.

Know what?

Someone sent my father back into the fire that night.

Someone told him I was in there.

You wanted revenge, didn't you, Auntie? Tam, take off your shirt.

Show her what she did.

I'm sorry, Tamwar. I'm so sorry.

And this is how God punishes her.

-Af, where are you going?

-Someone needs to get back to the restaurant.

-You can't just walk out of here after that.

-Ali's there on his own.

Afia, no! Just once, do what I ask!

-Excuse me, young man.

-What?

We've been waiting to order for around 20 minutes now.

I'm going as fast as I can.

Nice bum.

-Anyway, I propose a toast.

-Yeah?

-To poverty.

-I'm not drinking to that.

-Come on, when has money ever made you happy?

-Loads of times.

That's cos you're shallow.

Shallow and rich beats poor and deep any day of the week.

Cheers to that.

You know, maybe you should see this as less of a setback

and more of an opportunity.

Yeah, perhaps...

perhaps you were never meant to run a bed and breakfast.

Maybe...

maybe this is your chance to do what you've always wanted to do.

What? Like Britain's Next Top Model?

Settle down. Maybe even get married.

Sorry about the wait. What can I get you?

Tell me, young man.

-You wouldn't be on the menu yourself, would you?

-Sorry?

Only my sister, here, thinks it's time that I settled down

-and you look all right.

-Kim!

-What? You don't ask, you don't get.

Look, I'm all on my own tonight and I'm very busy. What would you like?

That's what we're discussing. I mean, are you married?

Can we just get on with it, please?

-I'll have the pakora to start with, the chicken jalfrezi to follow.

-Of course, madam.

It wouldn't make a difference if you were, you know.

You wouldn't be the first. You bored of her, are you?

I tell you what. Why don't you gimme your number

and I'll arrange a free sample?

-Kim, pack it in.

-What?

-Look, I'd rather just get on with my job.

-What are you saying, babe? Hm?

-What do you want?

The marriage ain't going to last with that tone of voice, I tell you.

Give me a sec. I forgot what I was going to order.

No, I will not hang on a sec. Go to hell!

All of you!

Divorce.

-Right, are we going to go back for the rest?

-Yeah, tomorrow.

When my dad stops giving me the evil eye.

Oh, hello.

My brother know you're wearing one of his shirts?

Where is he?

He's upstairs, he's still asleep.

Has he done something to you?

No.

Look, Tyler, go and make a cup of tea or something, yeah.

I thought we was going to eat.

Right, well, I'll get a takeaway. What do you want? Pizza? Curry?

-Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just go.

-Right, I'll be ten minutes.

-Yes.

So, are you going to tell me what happened, or..?

How am I ever going to look Syed in the face again?

He was torturing me.

Torturing you?

With how he might kill your father.

And he was smiling as he said it.

Like the devil might smile.

And in that moment...

all I wanted was for him to suffer.

The thought that if he were dead...

If he were dead, what?

If he were dead, then it would be over.

But it's not and it never will be.

-Masood, don't.

-Come here.

-No, I don't deserve it.

-Zainab.

How long since we first sat in this room?

-We were going to break all the rules, remember?

-Mmm.

Yeah, you, erm, you kissed me. And you put guy-liner on me.

And you said, "Parents should be treated with complete contempt."

And I remember thinking, "She's wonderful."

And here we are now, 18 months later.

Well, actually, it was the 16th November, 2010.

You know when you said "you knew".

-Did you never even ask the question?

-She's my mum.

-Yeah, but...

what about my dad?

Do you still think he should be treated with complete contempt?

You don't choose your parents. You don't choose who you love.

Why are you not crying?

Why are you not beating down the walls and calling the police?

Cos that night, it wasn't just my dad that died.

Tamwar?

I'd like a word with Afia alone, please.

Nobody leaves, nobody so much as moves

until this stupid, ignorant woman apologises.

You put that away or I won't be answerable.

It's a wooden spoon.

And don't think I won't use it.

-SHE MOUTHS: Help.

-KIM LAUGHS

Shut up!

SHE MOUTHS: OK.

I needed to prove something.

Like what?

Christian said I was fooling myself.

About what?

-About Anthony.

-No.

No, he fancies you like crazy.

It's not about fancying.

Listen, if I was to feel guilty about every stupid thing

that I've done, then I'd have no time for anything else.

I wanted to love.

I wanted to...

I wanted to feel the things you...

..you read about and see in films.

Well, I'm sorry but that's a load of pony anyway.

What?

Well, it's just nature's way of luring you in.

It never lasts.

I thought I'd feel something.

But it just felt wrong.

Empty.

Cheap.

Did you know?

No.

Does make a horrible kind of sense though.

What's happened to Amira?

How are you feeling?

Er, numb. Can't really take it all in.

I mean about your back. The burns.

All that time in hospital.

That's just ordinary pain, you know.

You learn to live with ordinary pain.

Right, the kids are in front of a DVD.

They should be all right for half an hour.

Where's your mother?

Talking to Afia.

Dad. Let her say what she has to say.

I'm not asking you to forgive me.

I don't even want you to forgive me.

It's not as though I didn't know what he was like.

Well, then, you know why I have been the way

that I have been for the last three months.

You got away with it. What's the problem?

You really think that?

You think I got away with it? KNOCK ON DOOR

Masood, don't answer that!

Afia, all I'm saying is please,

please don't take this out on Tamwar, OK.

It is not his fault. None of it.

Please, just learn to love each other again. I'm begging of you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hola.

-Is Syed there?

-Huh?

Something's kicking off down the restaurant.

I've tried his mum and dad, but I ain't getting no reply.

Look, just hang on a minute, yeah?

-Tam and I were talking before you came in.

-Yes.

Remembering how we used to be.

Only I can't.

He reminds me of things I said, things I did.

And I'm left thinking, "Who was that girl?"

She was so full of fun and mischief and now look at her.

Heart of stone. Irritable. A nag.

But you know what they say.

Marry a girl...

..and watch her turn into your mother.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

-Just leave it!

-I'm going to have to get that, Zainab.

-Masood, please.

They wouldn't be knocking like that if it wasn't important.

Look, I hate to barge in but I need to talk to you.

-Not him. Not now.

-What is it, Christian?

A waiter down at the restaurant is going off his nut.

-Christian?

-I don't know the details.

Tyler goes down there, gets a takeaway,

-finds this guy having a complete mental breakdown in front of your customers.

-What?

-Where are you going?

-To sort it out.

-No.

-Was he being violent?

-I don't know.

-Can you guys stay here?

-OK, I'm coming.

-Masood, please.

-No, it's OK, Mum, I'll go with them.

-Syed.

-OK? OK?

Keep an eye on her. I'm afraid she'll do something stupid.

The kids are upstairs watching telly, all right?

-Zainab?

-Just go away, OK? Just...

No. Cos, apparently, you might do something stupid.

Just cos the first time wasn't that great...

You ain't going to believe what was happening...

Sorry.

Look, you haven't done anything wrong.

You haven't failed.

This is about me and how I feel about myself.

I really am invisible to you all, aren't I?

Like I don't have feelings.

-Like you can say whatever you want to me and I'll just take it.

-Ali.

-What do you want?

-Give me the spoon.

Not until this stupid cow apologises.

-Look, I was trying to explain...

-Shut up!

But he wouldn't give me a chance.

Look, I was only having a laugh. I didn't mean it.

Yeah, it's just what she's like.

Look, darling, she didn't mean it. She's sorry, really.

Ali.

OK.

-Come here.

-I do apologise, ladies and gents.

Please, carry on with your meals.

If you can call two poppadoms a meal.

-OK, we will sort this.

-Thank you.

-OK, Ali, what's the drama?

-She kept asking if I was married.

My wife says she's going to leave me.

And take the baby. I can't bear it.

All right, well you're not in any kind of trouble, OK.

Just relax, we're going to look after you.

So, everything you've ever thought about me is right.

I'm a bad person.

-You were just protecting your family.

-No.

No, it wasn't just that.

All right, you did it cos you hated him.

Because he hurt me.

And now Tamwar is hurting.

And Afia is right. God is punishing me.

Is that how God operates?

Well, we were meant to be going to the Khatam.

So, tell me, who - who ever is going to forgive me now?

Look, Zainab, I know it's not much but...

..I do.

-I forgive you.

-PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Masood, everything all right?

Oh, thank God.

Thank God. Everyone's OK, yes? All right, then come home soon.

Love you. Bye.

Couple of seconds ago, God's punishing you

and now you're thanking him.

I tell you what,

I'll put the kettle on, shall I?

Dunno about you, but I could do with one.

-So, what? You were just trying to prove something to yourself, were you?

-I don't know.

I don't know anything. I don't even know who I am.

But you've got so much going for you.

I mean, you're beautiful. You've got a lovely little girl.

-Don't.

-What have I said now?

I'm such a bad mother.

I try to do the right thing.

-I want to love her, I do love her, but...

-But what?

You get the husband, you get the child, you get the nice home

and you expect everything to be perfect.

But it's not.

I'll tell Tyler and Lauren not to say anything, all right?

That's just more pretending. It's the pretending that I can't bear.

-You're just saying that cos you're unhappy.

-I'm always unhappy.

You know, I don't think I've had a genuine moment of happiness

since I was ten years old.

My life is a complete fraud.

But I'm not fooling anyone, am I?

I don't even expect anyone to like me.

The most I can hope for is that they're jealous,

that they envy me, that they want what I've got.

If only they knew.

I like you.

That's really kind of you.

But you know what I think when you say that?

More fool you.

You know what I think.

I don't know if this is true but it feels true.

Life just happens.

You know, we think we're making all these decisions,

all these choices about the people we want to be,

the life we want to lead. But do we?

I mean, did you choose to be Zainab Masood?

You didn't choose to be you any more than I chose to be me.

But here we are.

Muslim woman, gay man.

Neither of us chose that.

I mean, I don't remember any fork in the road saying gay or not gay.

Just...

..just is.

I know that God sets us tests.

And we either pass or we fail.

And why would he do that? I mean, what would be the point?

Well, all I know is that I had a choice.

And I failed.

And here I am with nothing to show for it than,

than my guilt and all that dirty money.

Yeah, well, you can easily get rid of money.

All right.

Here's another question for you.

Yusef.

Did he choose to be Yusef?

Did he decide to do all those...

all those wicked things?

They were wicked, weren't they?

And Sy.

Did he choose to be Sy?

Did I choose to fall in love with him?

No.

Just happened.

Sometimes life just...

..just happens.

And do you?

Do I what?

Do you love my son?

Zainab, how can you even ask me that, eh?

The amount of times you must have heard me say it.

Well, I'm sorry.

But I don't think that I was listening before.

Well, maybe we do have a choice, eh?

Maybe we can choose not to hurt each other any more.

DOOR OPENS

Tam and Afia will be along shortly. Dad too.

Everything all right in here?

Yeah. I don't know about you, but I am getting very hungry,

so I am going to go into the kitchen and heat up some food.

-I've just spoken to his wife.

-Hm.

And apparently it was just a row.

She was never really going to leave him.

I didn't even know he was married.

Well, you didn't ask, did you?

Erm.

How are you feeling?

Ali.

I've just spoken to your wife and she wants to talk.

So, I'm going to get you a cab and the fare's on us, all right?

Anthony? Amira? Can I come in a minute?

Yeah. Yeah, come in. Come in.

Oh, what happened to Amira?

She's gone.

Where to?

Tyler said that there's some drink in here somewhere.

It's just there, babes.

So, are you OK?

Yeah. Just a bit hungry, that's all.

Oh, well, me and Tyler are going to get a pizza if you're up for it.

Well, I've got monkfish in the fridge if you...

OK. Yeah, sure. Why not?

Right. Monkfish it is, then.

So, what? Are you saying we got him all wrong?

We owe your life to Christian, let's not forget that.

Come on, there must be more to it than that.

We just had a chat. That's all.

-Yeah. And?

-And we worked out a few things.

-Like what?

-Ha-ha. Ask your mum.

Hm-huh.

Hiya. Where've you been?

Oh, I've been trying to walk off this headache.

It didn't work. I'm going to go and lie down.

Can I do anything?

I'm OK.

Amira. You're just in time. We're about to eat.

Then, we're heading off to the mosque for the Khatam.

I'm not up to it, I'm sorry.

Christian, are you going to stay and join us for dinner?

If that's all right.

Of course. Could you run me a quick errand first though, please?

-Yeah, sure.

-Thank you.

Let's go and endure this family dinner.

I can get you out of it if you want.

I mean, Mum's hardly in a position to kick up a fuss.

Well, if I can go through what I've been through

in the last three months,

I'm sure I can manage another couple of hours.

And...

what about us? How do you feel about us?

-I'm going to try. And you?

-Yeah.

-It smells nice, you know.

-Yes, I know it smells nice, Kim,

but we can wait until we get in the house.

-Just a little bite. It's going to get cold, you know.

-No! We're going to put it on a plate, tonight.

-You really think you're Mum, innit.

-No, I'm just trying to be civilised.

"Just trying to be civilised." I'm damn hungry, man.

I know, I'm hungry too. And tired. And fed up.

Let's get inside.

-Oh! What's that?

-A letter.

I'll get it, shall I? Yeah.

I could murder a drink right now.

We haven't got any drinks. Can't afford any drinks.

-We can now with £130,000!

-Ah!

-Oh, Zainab, you beauty! Ah!

-Ah!

Let me look, let me look.

Hmm, lovely. So, this is monkfish?

-My mum don't really get past fish fingers.

-It's a hidden talent.

-And how are you, bruv? You all right now?

-Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.

Look, between you and me, all right, she hasn't had much experience.

Only Syed. And you know he's, he's gay. She just got nervous.

That's what all this is about.

So, was there ever a time you was inexperienced, Lauren?

Right, so you're still on then?

Yeah, it just needs a bit of time.

Tuck in.

So, what actually happens at one of these, you know, Khatams?

It's like a group prayer to cleanse you of ill fortune.

It's about forgiveness.

Well, we could all do with a bit of that, eh?

Christian, would you like to come along?

Really?

Yes. I mean, you don't have to take part, obviously.

But if you'd like to watch.

If you'd like to that's all.

I'd like to. I'd like that very much.

What about you, Afia? Are you going to come to the Khatam?

-Actually, Dad, me and Afia, we're feeling really tired. It's been a long day.

-No.

It's all right, Tam. I'd like to go.

Thank you, Afia.

You all right? Come join us.

Can I have a word with you, please? In private.

Sure.

How's the head?

-What's with the bags?

-I've made a decision.

OK?

There's no point pretending.

What do you mean?

You don't love me. You're never going to love me the way that I want you to.

You love someone else.

Amira, I...

It's not fair on me, it's not fair on you. I've got to take control of the situation.

I need you to look after Yasmin for me.

-What?

-Just for a couple of days, just until I sort myself out.

-I need some time by myself.

-Well, you can't leave now.

I've got a taxi waiting outside. Please, don't tell the others.

-I don't want to spoil it for everyone.

-Amira.

Nothing you can say will make me change my mind.

Where you going to go?

Not far.

I'll be in touch.

Just promise me you won't say anything.

Just make up an excuse. Just...

..tell them whatever.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I've got to go.

MASOOD: I would like to propose a toast.

This family has been through so much over the last 12 months.

So much pain.

So much hurt. So much anger.

And, yet, amazingly, we're all still here.

I know it's a long, long road,

but I believe that the love that's round this table,

the love that we share,

the love we all feel, right?

I believe that this love will see us through.

I'm so proud of us all.

Come, Pappu, this is important. Is Amira not coming?

No, she's just had a call from her cousin.

Apparently, Qadim's been taken ill.

She didn't want to leave, but she felt she had to.

She apologises for leaving so suddenly.

Is it serious?

She won't know until she gets there.

Well, we'll keep him in our prayers.

So, raise your glass, son.

To the family.

To Christian.

To us all. Nayi shuruaat aur lambi zindagi.

That means new start and long life.

Say it again.

Nayi shuruaat aur lambi zindagi.

Nayi. Say it again.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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