15/03/2012 EastEnders


15/03/2012

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Tanya?

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Come on.

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Ben! Ben, wait!

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PAGES SHUFFLING

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I can't take this.

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Sit down.

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Sit down!

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I'll tell you a story.

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So what, you come to gloat, is that it?

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-What, no...

-Bringing Ben here? What sort of lowlife move's that, eh?

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-Phil, I'm actually here to try and help...

-I've always thought that he'd be better off living with you.

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Well, congratulations, you're welcome to the little runt.

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-Will you just listen to me?

-Listen?

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-What, to a weasel like you?

-Ben's your son!

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Not any more he ain't.

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What?

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You've never let him be who he is.

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Ben is a sweet kid, all right,

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and you're always trying to toughen him up.

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Making him do boxing when he wants to do ballet.

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Phil, you're making him ashamed of who he is.

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-Then there's this business with Stella...

-Oi, just watch yourself!

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All right?

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You don't scare me.

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Oh, is that right?

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No, you're the one who's scared

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because in here the name Phil Mitchell doesn't mean anything, does it?

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Look at you, you're a sad, pathetic old man.

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Well, at least I've been a man

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cos you wouldn't know about that, would you?

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Cos all you've ever been is a snivelling little weasel.

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An idiot, just like that brother of yours.

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Well, I tell you what, I hope you both live happily ever after.

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Now, we done here?

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Yeah, we're done.

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Lace fingerless gloves...

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little black mini skirt, leather,

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all topped off with a bright orange perm...

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and suddenly this flash of orange comes tearing out of the chemist.

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Tracy, her best mate, legging it behind her.

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The security guard's a big fella and he comes huffing and puffing...

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-So, they were nicking stuff?

-No.

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She was working in a charity shop.

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So, anyway, she realises the security guard

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hasn't got a chance in hell of catching up with her,

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so she jumps on this bench,

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lifts up her top and flashes him right there in broad day light.

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Look on her face, cocky little...

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That's until she clapped eyes on me.

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I gave her a wink just to let her know what she was in for later.

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Should have seen her jaw drop.

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THEY CHUCKLE

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WOMAN LAUGHS

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It's true though!

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I know, she's a piece of work, ain't she?

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What it must be like to have that sort of confidence.

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See, I wouldn't exactly be holding Kim up as a role model, Jean.

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Still, they might get past that slapping stage

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and actually go on one of those "date" things.

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Has she been all right recently?

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All right? Well, I wouldn't exactly describe Kim as, "all right". Annoying...yes,

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-infuriating...yes, inconsiderate...

-All right, never mind.

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You see, the thing is, I've had plenty of steaks before,

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so why would this one be any different?

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Because the way I cook it, you'll think you died and gone to heaven.

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Heaven ain't really my bag, babe.

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Besides, I had a packet of Nik Naks earlier.

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That's why I'm going to have to start from the very beginning with you. Hm?

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Top to toe service.

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What, full body treatment?

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If that's all right with you?

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SHE GIGGLES

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-Can I have a word with you?

-What now?

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-Yeah.

-Hey!

-Slow down!

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What?!

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He actually had hair?

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For about 45 minutes.

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Constantly playing with it...

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Mum?

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Well?

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-It's clear.

-What? Really?

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It's gone.

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Atta girl.

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And Mrs Branning, she's bought me the most amazing wedding dress in the ENTIRE world.

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It's lovely isn't it, Shirl?

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So, hen do, kick off at five o'clock, yeah?

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-Anything else you need to tell me?

-Just final checks, Shirl.

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Eh, eh.

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Man, I have been polishing up my speech, gleaming it is!

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Andrew you're in for a treat, son!

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Our Heather looks a picture in that dress, you know.

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It was very kind of Aunty Dot.

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Actually it was my idea.

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-I'm ever so grateful really.

-Is that it?

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Oh, no, it's bad luck, innit? You know, you seeing the box?

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I've jinxed myself, haven't I? I have, haven't I?

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It's only a dress, Heather, it hasn't got magical properties,

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-it's not going to turn you into a supermodel.

-Mum!

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What?! I didn't mean anything by it, did I, Patrick?

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Sorry, I've got to fly. I've got to go, actually.

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You ain't got a spare parachute, have you, Patrick?

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Oh, you're not going, are you?

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You know, the dress, Hev, it's great. It's really, really great.

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Shirl. Shirl...

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..you and me, we'll be best mates for ever, yeah?

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No matter what happens.

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Course.

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That is fantastic news.

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Yeah, well, look you make sure you give her my love, won't you?

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All right mate.

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What's happened?

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-Nothing.

-Come on.

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-You're not too old to put across my knee. What's happened?

-That was Max.

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Tanya got her scan results back.

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-And?

-All clear.

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HE LAUGHS

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-That's great news!

-Yeah.

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Here, I know, that calls for a get together.

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-Well no, I don't think Tan would be up for that.

-Oh, yes, come on.

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-Oh, come on.

-Come on!

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You'll have to come back to the kitchen later,

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give me some feedback.

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-I've lost my appetite, sorry.

-Hey, what's happened? I thought you liked red meat?

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Look, just let me past, OK?

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What's wrong? What's happened?

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You want your feedback?

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It's grey, flaccid and I'm not interested.

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Kimberly!

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I'm sorry, ignore her, she's probably just having a bad day.

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I wouldn't take it personally.

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Thanks a lot ladies, I don't need a sympathy committee.

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Is that what they call playing hard to get?

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Ben, I've just been talking to your dad who's in prison

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because of a lie you told and you're here baking cakes?!

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-What's going on?

-Didn't rise properly anyway.

-Ben...

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Look, I'm sure they're fine.

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I thought I could remember how to make 'em but I couldn't!

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Tell you what, I reckon if we cut off the burnt bit

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and put a bit of icing on top they'd be gorgeous.

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So you spoke to him then?

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Yeah, yeah.

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He said he was sorry you couldn't stay.

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-He said that?

-Yeah.

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What else did he say?

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Look, Ben, you're going to have to trust me on this, OK?

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As a dad who's had a son turn against him

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and do something so awful that you think you're never going to forgive them, OK?

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But no matter what happens, all right, there's...

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there's this bond, like a thread, linking you together and...

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..it just stops you running away. DOORBELL RINGS

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That's all right, just leave it, will ya? Ben?

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-Ben, did you hear me? Just leave it.

-What if it was never there? That thread?

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What if me and Dad aren't like other people?

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Look, he will forgive you, OK? It's just going to take time.

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So you told him the truth then?

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No.

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Look, I didn't think it was my place to, all right? But you can.

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I mean, Ben you can fix this before it goes too far.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Hello?

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I saw you arrive, so I knew you were in.

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What happened to the door?

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Oh, Max, Max, Max, congratulations, mate!

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Cheers, Derek.

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-Great news, eh?

-What you doing here?

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He was with me when you called, so, couldn't stop him, could I?

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Couldn't stop me? You shouldn't want to. What you like?

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Good news like this.

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-We ain't going to stay long.

-Where is she then? Where is she?

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Ah! There you are, sweetheart.

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Hope you don't mind us popping round like this?

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Nah, course she don't, course she don't. Oh, well done, you, eh?

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Ain't that great? Really good. The all clear, eh?

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Well, it's not really the all clear, it's just that scan was clear,

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-so it's different, but...

-Well, still good though, eh? Yeah.

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Probably why you're looking so peaky, eh? You should go and put some slap on!

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You're going to feel the pain of my slap if you don't button it.

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-So, where's the champagne then?

-Yes.

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-Yeah, come on, Max, you better nip to the shop and get some, eh?

-You all right?

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All right, darling?

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-I'll ask them to go, if you want? I don't mind.

-No, it's all right.

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We're celebrating aren't we, eh?

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Right, I better dust off those glasses.

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I don't want to talk to you right now, Andrew.

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Erm, it's me, Mrs Cotton.

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Look, I just want to say sorry for what Andrew said, you know,

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I mean, he didn't mean it.

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He's just being a bit protective of me

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and then he gets himself a bit worked up and it's...

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You don't have to tell me about Andrew.

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We might fight like cat and dog,

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-doesn't mean he doesn't love his mum.

-No, no, I know that...

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I gave birth to that boy,

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NO-ONE understands him better than me.

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Yeah, well, that's probably why you argue I mean, you're too close.

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TOO close? Rubbish!

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It's what we've been through together, it's what's HAPPENED.

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You'd be very surprised, Heather, my love.

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Sorry, what d'you mean?

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Just that he's my boy.

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We've got a special relationship, just like you and George.

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Yeah. No, I mean...

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what would I be surprised about?

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Mrs Cotton?

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DOOR OPENING

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What you said now?

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This is it, Ben. This is your chance.

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You tell her you made a mistake and that's it. OK, it's over.

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No.

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All right, either you do it, or I will.

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What, like you did to Dad?

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I mean it.

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Here you go.

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Oh, thanks.

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So, Ben, I hear you were at the prison earlier...

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..is everything OK?

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Shirley hasn't been bothering you again, has she?

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Are you sure? You seem a little quiet.

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No, Shirley hasn't been anywhere near us,

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but there is something Ben wants to say to you.

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Well?

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Ben?

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-He's obviously a little bit scared...

-I ain't scared, all right.

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It's only natural.

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What you've done, Ben, it takes guts.

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Your father is a very dangerous man.

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Look, can I have a quick word with Ben in the kitchen?

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No, it's all right, you can do it here. I don't mind.

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Would you like a cup cake? I baked them myself.

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-What?

-D'you know, there is playing hard to get

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and there's being down right rude, Kimberly.

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-I thought you liked Ray?

-Look, it's just not the right time.

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-Why?

-Look, it just ain't. It's a physical thing.

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What?

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Oh, oh, I see. Well, so what?

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-You don't have to jump into bed straight away. Might do you good to wait.

-No, it's not that.

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Then what is it then?

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I've got flaming nits, innit?

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That Roxy Mitchell, she has got a lot to answer for, believe me.

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You see, now that's exactly why I don't want Ray to find out.

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Whatever it is, just, please, tell me.

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-Fine, then I will.

-No.

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He used to wet the bed, right up until he was 20.

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-He was so embarrassed.

-Ohh.

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Why couldn't you tell me that?

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Erm...

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It's just something I'd rather forget.

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Don't see why Mum dragged it up after all these years.

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-You're getting married, shouldn't have any secrets.

-It's not a secret!

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It's just not something I want shouted from the roof tops.

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Yeah, but it's me, Andrew, you know?

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I mean, you can trust me with anything.

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Like I trust you completely.

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Yeah.

0:16:170:16:19

Look, it's just a few more days

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and then Phil Mitchell will be going down for a very long time,

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and you can make sure that kid's raised right.

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You were right about the icing.

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Make a good team, you and me, don't we?

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What d'you say that for?

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To save your bacon.

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Bit of gratitude wouldn't go amiss.

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Gratitude?! You just made me lie to my future wife.

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Like you haven't before?

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Not telling and lying are two completely different things.

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Are they indeed?

0:16:570:16:58

-Are we off then? Cos we need to pick up George.

-Yeah.

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Bye, Rose.

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You've done really well, Tanya.

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Thanks. I'm not sure I actually did anything.

0:17:130:17:16

You showed guts! You fought that cancer every step of the way.

0:17:160:17:19

Oh, hello, Dot.

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Found Dot on the doorstep.

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Well, Derek phoned me, I hope you don't mind?

0:17:220:17:24

-Course not, more the merrier!

-I'll get some glasses.

0:17:240:17:27

Dot, I'll take your coat.

0:17:270:17:28

Spoke to Abi, she's well chuffed. She's going to call you later.

0:17:280:17:32

Great.

0:17:320:17:33

Oh, it's wonderful news, Tanya.

0:17:330:17:37

I prayed to Jesus and he answered.

0:17:370:17:40

Oh, thank you, Dot.

0:17:400:17:41

-Shame he didn't answer our prayers for Siobhan, isn't it?

-Siobhan?

0:17:410:17:45

Don't worry about it, have a seat.

0:17:450:17:47

Oh, ta.

0:17:470:17:49

Listen, mate, I'm sorry about all of that.

0:17:530:17:55

It's all right.

0:17:550:17:57

Our family, it's like the flaming mafia.

0:17:570:18:00

Look, I just wanted to say...

0:18:020:18:04

..well, you know...

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..you know, put it there.

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Cheers.

0:18:150:18:16

Oi, it's all right.

0:18:190:18:21

All right.

0:18:240:18:26

But, you know, she doesn't mean to blow so hot and cold,

0:18:270:18:30

trust me there are there are reasons, you know, valid reasons,

0:18:300:18:34

-which really aren't as bad as they sound...

-What reasons?

0:18:340:18:38

Well, it's really not my place to say

0:18:380:18:40

and my sister's right hook is pretty formidable, which you may remember!

0:18:400:18:44

You know, I'm sorry, Denise,

0:18:440:18:45

but I'm starting to think that life's interesting enough

0:18:450:18:47

without adding Kim to the mix.

0:18:470:18:49

She's got nits...all right?

0:18:490:18:53

Excuse me, everyone. I think it's time for a few words, don't you?

0:18:560:19:00

-Tan, make a speech? Come on, make a speech.

-Eh? Oh, no...

-Come on, Del.

0:19:000:19:03

I suppose you'll leave it down to me then, eh?

0:19:030:19:07

What, is that embarrassing, is it, Max?

0:19:070:19:10

Well, maybe Jack should make the speech

0:19:100:19:11

-he's your number one priority at the moment.

-Leave off!

0:19:110:19:14

-Well, you know what I mean?

-Get on with it.

0:19:140:19:16

Well, well, if you're sure?

0:19:160:19:17

Cos, you know, a man might feel like he's not particularly welcome,

0:19:170:19:21

when all he wants is for his family to be well and happy.

0:19:210:19:23

I'd like to hear what Derek has got to say.

0:19:230:19:25

-Thank you, Dorothy.

-So, that weren't the speech?

0:19:250:19:28

-Come on.

-If you're going to be like that I'm not going to make one!

-THEY LAUGH

0:19:280:19:32

-All right, all right, all right, OK. Well, unaccustomed as I am...

-THEY GROAN

0:19:320:19:36

I'm only joking!

0:19:360:19:39

Let me just say this, right.

0:19:400:19:42

It's at times like this when you really realise how lucky you are.

0:19:420:19:46

You know, Tanya's taken a big step forward.

0:19:470:19:51

-Salut. Salut.

-TANYA MOUTHS

0:19:510:19:54

And I've been lucky enough to be the oldest sibling.

0:19:540:19:57

To watch these three come into the world...

0:19:570:19:59

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:19:590:20:01

Hey, put it on.

0:20:010:20:03

-Why?

-Just put on the headgear, babe.

0:20:040:20:07

I mean, we're going to need grade five level protection.

0:20:070:20:09

-Is this a joke?

-If only.

0:20:090:20:11

-The little creepy crawlies in that lovely barnet of yours.

-Denise?

0:20:120:20:16

I want to kill her! She had no right shouting my bus...

0:20:160:20:19

What are you doing?

0:20:190:20:20

This is not even a fashion garment.

0:20:200:20:22

I look silly.

0:20:220:20:24

You look hot.

0:20:240:20:25

-Do I?

-Mmm-hmm.

0:20:270:20:28

I suppose you've either got it or you ain't, innit?

0:20:300:20:33

You're damn right.

0:20:340:20:35

-Oh, no, no, no. No.

-What?

0:20:350:20:38

I say live dangerously, Raymondo.

0:20:420:20:46

All right.

0:20:460:20:48

Ooh! Halle-flippin-lujah!

0:20:480:20:50

-We're going to have words me and you, later...

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:20:500:20:55

So, we going then?

0:20:550:20:56

You're really checking me out, innit?

0:21:030:21:06

I was looking for nits actually.

0:21:060:21:08

-You mention that again and I will...

-What?

0:21:080:21:12

I dunno, I might hurt you.

0:21:120:21:14

Promises, promises.

0:21:140:21:16

Yeah, knock off your kneecap and put you in a head lock!

0:21:160:21:18

That's if I don't get you first.

0:21:180:21:20

You know what? I like a woman who can hold her liquor.

0:21:200:21:24

It's a sign of class.

0:21:240:21:25

Sign of something.

0:21:250:21:26

I mean, you take these young girls today, eh?

0:21:260:21:29

You know, staggering all over the streets, throwing up?

0:21:290:21:32

Oh, disgusting!

0:21:320:21:35

I bet when you were young you used to go out all night,

0:21:350:21:38

come home in the morning, not a hair out of place.

0:21:380:21:40

See, a different generation.

0:21:400:21:42

What generation's that then, Derek?

0:21:420:21:45

-Well the same as mine, I assume.

-Schmoozer.

0:21:450:21:49

I like a strong woman, Cora.

0:21:500:21:51

-Cheers.

-L'chaim.

0:21:540:21:55

Derek still banging on in there, is he?

0:21:570:21:59

Erm, what's wrong, Mum?

0:21:590:22:01

Nothing. No.

0:22:010:22:03

Is it Carol and Dot?

0:22:040:22:05

Cos you know what people can be like,

0:22:050:22:07

the C word just makes them say silly stuff.

0:22:070:22:09

No, it's not them, it's...

0:22:090:22:11

It's nothing, honestly.

0:22:110:22:14

I'm just being a silly old cow.

0:22:140:22:16

Right, just tell me.

0:22:180:22:20

Oh, I was so convinced that I'd be walking out of that room with a death sentence hanging over me.

0:22:230:22:29

So I should be over the moon, shouldn't I?

0:22:300:22:32

So why am I feeling so frightened?

0:22:350:22:38

The scan was clear, Mum.

0:22:380:22:40

Hm.

0:22:400:22:42

For now. Could come back though, couldn't it? Next month, next year?

0:22:420:22:46

It could just be waiting for me to get comfortable and happy

0:22:460:22:48

-and then it could just...

-No, just don't, Mum.

0:22:480:22:52

The doctors will do checks, they'll make sure that that doesn't happen.

0:22:520:22:56

You can't go through life dreading the worst

0:22:560:22:58

cos otherwise it's just going to, it's just going to always be there

0:22:580:23:02

it's going to be in there.

0:23:020:23:04

It's gone, Mum. It's gone.

0:23:040:23:06

(Why?)

0:23:070:23:09

-Why me, not Siobhan, or...?

-I don't know...

0:23:090:23:13

but isn't that, like, double the reason

0:23:130:23:15

not to live your life feeling sorry for yourself?

0:23:150:23:18

I mean, I'm sure Siobhan would have a few words to say about that.

0:23:180:23:21

Yeah, just a few.

0:23:210:23:23

D'you, er, d'you want to hear a funny story?

0:23:230:23:26

Yeah.

0:23:260:23:28

OK, so there's this girl, she's about 13, gobby as hell,

0:23:280:23:33

we won't dwell on the bright orange perm...

0:23:330:23:36

So, one night, her and her mate Tracy thought it'd be hilarious

0:23:370:23:41

to re-enact The Exorcist for her little sister Rainie.

0:23:410:23:46

They waited till she thought everyone had gone out

0:23:460:23:48

and they started moving stuff about.

0:23:480:23:50

Well...Rainie got so worked up she started screaming her head off.

0:23:500:23:54

Five minutes later the police turned up

0:23:540:23:56

to find the girl with the bright orange perm

0:23:560:24:00

holding a pack of peas to an eye that her sister'd just punched.

0:24:000:24:05

They were not amused.

0:24:050:24:06

-No?

-No.

0:24:060:24:08

"Time wasting is a very serious offence, Miss Cross," apparently.

0:24:080:24:12

THEY LAUGH

0:24:120:24:13

I love you so much.

0:24:170:24:18

I love you too, Mum.

0:24:190:24:21

Come here my beautiful baby.

0:24:220:24:24

You got room for one more?

0:24:310:24:33

Well...

0:24:330:24:34

Is Derek still banging on in there?

0:24:370:24:39

Yeah.

0:24:390:24:41

Still hogging the sofa.

0:24:410:24:42

I've just put Oscar upstairs.

0:24:420:24:44

He's going to play on his own for a bit.

0:24:440:24:46

-What?

-What?

0:24:490:24:51

Just stay here, right? Stay here.

0:24:520:24:54

Just a few more sleeps and then you, and me, and Andrew,

0:24:590:25:04

we're going to be a proper little family!

0:25:040:25:06

How lucky are we, eh? How lucky are we?

0:25:060:25:11

D'you know what?

0:25:110:25:12

We've found someone really good and really kind,

0:25:120:25:16

who's going to take care of us and make sure that we're safe.

0:25:160:25:20

It's just like a dream, innit, eh? Yeah?

0:25:220:25:25

Oh, you scared me!

0:25:250:25:28

Did you hear all that?

0:25:280:25:30

-I picked up the rings.

-Oh! Oh, Andrew!

0:25:310:25:34

Oh, George, oh, George. Look! Look at the rings!

0:25:340:25:37

-Oh, look at those.

-Heather.

0:25:370:25:39

-Heather.

-That's Mummy's, you see...

0:25:390:25:42

Heather! There's something I need to tell you.

0:25:420:25:47

I was telling you...

0:25:470:25:49

-Look, she's got a knife! Tan?

-Oi!

-THEY SHOUT

0:25:490:25:53

Tan, what you doing? That's our sofa!

0:25:530:25:55

No, it's not! This...

0:25:550:25:57

THIS, this is my prison.

0:25:570:25:59

This is where I've been sat for all them months,

0:25:590:26:02

feeling sorry for myself, too knackered to get dressed,

0:26:020:26:04

thinking, "This is it, this is the end." Well, not any more...

0:26:040:26:07

-Rock and roll, Mum!

-This is a perfectly good sofa, you know.

0:26:070:26:10

You can give it to charity if you didn't want it.

0:26:100:26:12

Yes, sorry about that, Dot.

0:26:120:26:15

It was just, erm, just something I had to do.

0:26:150:26:18

Well, don't just stand there. Come on, you lot, get involved, eh?

0:26:190:26:23

-Come on! Come on, I never liked it anyway.

-THEY SCREAM

0:26:230:26:27

Go girl!

0:26:270:26:29

THEY LAUGH

0:26:290:26:31

It's snowing!

0:26:330:26:36

Is it me? Is it us?

0:26:390:26:42

Are you having second thoughts?

0:26:420:26:44

No, course I ain't.

0:26:440:26:45

Then what?

0:26:450:26:47

Look...I don't want you to be scared, I'm still me.

0:26:470:26:53

I'm still your Andrew.

0:26:530:26:55

-You're already married, aren't you?

-No.

0:26:570:27:00

Look, Heather, just listen to me.

0:27:000:27:02

18 months ago I came out of prison for committing GBH.

0:27:050:27:10

Now, look I know that sounds really bad

0:27:100:27:12

and I'm not proud of myself...

0:27:120:27:15

GBH?

0:27:150:27:16

Grievous Bodily Harm?

0:27:170:27:20

-You nearly killed someone?

-No, it wasn't that bad.

0:27:200:27:24

-How bad was it exactly?

-I don't know...

0:27:240:27:26

Oh, yes, you do know. What did you do to him?

0:27:260:27:30

All right, fine, I fractured his skull.

0:27:300:27:33

He had ten stitches in his cheek, had to have four teeth out.

0:27:330:27:37

Ended up in intensive care for a couple of weeks.

0:27:370:27:40

-Is that enough detail for you?

-I knew it.

0:27:400:27:43

I knew it.

0:27:430:27:45

I looked in the mirror wearing that wedding dress this morning

0:27:450:27:48

and I thought, "This ain't real."

0:27:480:27:50

-Just didn't want you to find out the wrong way.

-Just waiting for something to go wrong.

0:27:500:27:54

Heather Trott she never gets that happy ever after, does she?

0:27:540:27:57

Nothing's changed, Heather, nothing!

0:27:570:28:00

Everything's changed!

0:28:020:28:04

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