06/04/2012 EastEnders

Shirley...

Can I see George?

You murderer!

I swear that was cheaper last week.

Yeah, tell me about it!

Eight pounds.

You're the one with the price gun.

(I know she agreed to a blind date the other night but she was drunk.)

(So what? Drunk, sober, she's still desperate for a man!)

(Yeah, but a blind date? Anyway, I'm not sure he'd be keen.)

(Of course he'd be keen, he's a man!

(It'll appeal to his vanity, to his carnal lusts.)

-(But what if Denise has got...

-You leave Denise to me.)

(Just make sure that you get him there for six.)

Yeah, yeah, so you put these prices up any more

-and I'll be going elsewhere.

-Yeah, you do that.

You know it's a free country.

I mean, you're paying for the convenience aren't you, Tanya!

What's all that about?

Ah, she's moaning about two pence on a can of beans.

Have you seen what she charges for a permanent wave?

'Are you kidding?!'

'What, just for one car?'

'No!'

'No, this ain't happening!'

Thought you was going over the park.

He's out there, ain't he?

The murderer.

-Wanting to see George.

-Who was that on the phone?

The undertakers!

The coroner's releasing Hev's body.

Four grand, they want.

Four grand for a basic funeral!

They're releasing her body?

They've said if I can't afford it then she'll have to go in a public grave with all the others!

It's like she's nothing!

I'll pay for it.

Call them back, tell them whatever you want, yeah? I'll cover it.

You'd do that for Hev?

And for you.

Rita, I promise you, darling, they will fly off the optics.

Yeah, eh, eh, that's the girl. Good girl.

Are you all right for delivery tomorrow morning, darling?

No, no, it won't be me.

No, thank you, I'm a happily married man, thank you for asking.

All right, take care, sweetheart, bye-bye. Randy old mare.

-Who's that?

-Rita Castle, runs the Mortician's Arms.

Must be 70 if she's a day. She makes Mo look like a devout nun!

Anyway, she has got herself 12 cases.

-Look, you all right to do delivery, yeah?

-Yeah, course I am.

-Brilliant.

-Janine's out of town, so I'm my own boss. Here?

Who's this pair on the back of these 50s, eh?

-Look a right miserable couple, don't they?

-ALFIE CHUCKLES

Right, is there any chance of a bit of help down there?

-Cos Kim reckons she's too traumatised to work.

-Oh, she cut off Ray's finger.

-No!

-The tip! They've sewed it back on.

They're all over each other like spotty teenagers. I told you they were right for each other.

-See, you should trust me when it comes lurve.

-Is that right?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Right then, something is going on and I want to know what. Now.

Blimey, give her a black wig and some safari roadkill, could be Kat, couldn't it? Ow!

You've got guilt written all over your face, OK,

-and there's more money here than I've ever seen in the till.

-Well...

Remember when we had the idea to fleece Derek?

-My lips are sealed.

-Right.

I can't see Phil Mitchell nicking from you.

-He ain't that stupid, is he?

-Course he is.

That lot's got no respect.

I'm moving out.

What? Where did that come from?

Mitchell's been running this manor for too long.

Needs a change in management

and I won't be doing that from your sofa, will I?

I need bricks and mortar around me.

Well, if you say so. Where you going to go?

I've been thinking about that.

Carol and Bianca are always strapped for cash, aren't they?

Big house like that, no man on the premises.

Ain't right, is it?

Well, good luck if you think Bianca's going to agree to that.

Oh, here she comes.

Thinks she's the Queen of Hearts.

Oi, she's good for Max.

Jack, we're Brannings, we don't need women to be "good for us".

-You can get that.

-Yeah, course.

(Oh, stop it.)

Charming, your brother, ain't he?

Yeah.

I'm glad I've caught you. I've got something to put to you.

What?

Well, I have got a friend...

-HE SIGHS

-..a female friend...

-Nah.

-What?

I don't need fixing up!

I'm not trying to fix you up!

All right, I'm trying to fix you up but...

Oh, look at you, spending every night in with Derek

fighting over the remote -

and I can guess who wins every time.

It'll do you good to get out, won't it?

And who knows what it might lead to?

What's she like then?

She's funny, bubbly, great figure. You're going to love her.

Is that meant to be a joke?

Oh come on, when was the last time that you had any fun?

He's a lovely man. He's very tall, very dashing...

Is he very psychotic?

Are you my friend or are you not?

Well, sometimes, you know, I do wonder.

Believe me when I tell you that this man is perfectly sane.

Ah, well, if he's so perfect, why is he single?

That is a very good question!

And one that you can ask him tonight over dinner.

Well...

I suppose it does give me an excuse to get out the house.

-Yes!

-Kim's nursing Ray.

Well, by that I mean playing doctors and nurses.

Well, you see! Why should she have all the fun?

-But you're loaded.

-Oi, I gave you a score on Monday, didn't I?

Yes, and I spent it! It's not the 1950s any more, you know.

-20 quid's fish and chips twice!

-Has she got to be here?

Er, chill out, will you?

He's told me all about you ripping off old man Branning.

-What?

-It's all right, Alf, you can trust her.

-Another 20 quid then?

-Look, Lola!

'Billy boy...'

I thought I could hear your dulcet tones.

You all right, Derek?

No, I'm not, as it happens.

-Did Alfie tell you what happened last night?

-Yeah, I filled him in.

Yeah, yeah, nasty business.

Oh, and that's the first you've heard of it, was it?

Yeah, course.

Really?

Cos my instincts are telling me...

that that had a Mitchell's finger prints all over it.

-Honestly, it's got nothing to do with me.

-I told you, it's not down to Billy.

So, remind me, hm?

Where was you that meant you wasn't with us last night, eh?

Oh, I can tell you that.

Cos he wouldn't shut up about how me being pregnant

was SO inconvenient for him.

It's not my fault I have to go to stupid hospital appointments and classes, is it?

It's bad enough having a sarcy midwife making comments

without this one banging on in my ear about letting you down.

"What will Derek think?"

I just told him to grow a pair...

or don't family matter?

No, family does matter.

That's a clever girl you've got there.

Oh, yeah.

Very clever girl.

That's gotta be worth another 20 quid, right?

RACING COMMENTARY ON RADIO

I wondered what was keeping you quiet. Perhaps...

on this occasion, you could forego your gambling,

seeing as today is the day that Jesus was crucified for your sins.

(Yes!)

Hello, kids, how are you?

Oi, don't be rude! Say hello to your Uncle Derek.

I've got a surprise for you two, hm? Now, close your eyes...

Close 'em. Close 'em.

Nice and tight.

-Now open them.

-BOTH: Thank you so much!

You can't open them till Sunday - you know that, don't you?

Take them in the kitchen, I can keep my eye on them.

No trust, is there?

Take them football boots off! You'll ruin them!

-Thank you.

-My pleasure.

So, what you after?

Oh that's nice, innit? Can't a man buy his great nephew and niece

a bit of chocolate at Easter, eh?

Oh, and that reminds me, this is for Liam.

I thought he was a bit too old for...

Oh, all right, all right, all right!

I've been thinking...

-You've got problems, right?

-I have not got problems, what...

Financial problems, hm?

And that's where I can help...you know?

-That's what families are about.

-I am not a charity.

Look, see, I've got a new telly. I don't need your money.

Yeah well, you did a few weeks ago and you do now, so drop the act, OK?

It's common knowledge round the Square that you're...

finding things a bit tight, yeah? And that's where I can help.

Actually we could help each other.

How?

I'm moving out of Jack's, I was thinking Pat's old room.

No, my mum's there.

Surely you've got another room free, eh?

-It's what you need, a man around the house...

-I don't need...

-..a man of means.

-I don't need a man. No, sorry.

-Why not?

Do you want me to say it? Really?

It's Pat, innit?

If you move so much as your Brylcreem in that room,

she would turn in her grave.

I'm sorry.

But thanks for the Easter eggs.

You know, it's the first time in days that I feel clear in my head.

Did it help?

All that staying up all night praying, starving yourself?

It's called fasting, Cora, not starving, and yes it did.

I feel much more myself now.

I'm pleased for you.

Just for the record, I'm not mocking it.

If it helps you, it's good enough for me.

On the night that Jesus was betrayed, he stayed awake all night praying.

The vicar came round yesterday. He washed my feet.

What for?

On account of Jesus washing the disciples' feet on Maundy Thursday,

-it's a tradition.

-And he come round here?!

I didn't want him to do it at first. I didn't feel worthy.

If you're not worthy, Dot, I don't know who is.

Anyway, he prayed with me

and after he'd gone I felt something was lifted from me,

and I realised that I'd been trying to deal with everything.

You know, what happened to Heather, by myself,

and not letting Jesus in because of my anger about what had happened

to that poor dear girl.

-Course you were angry.

-And so I decided to give it all over to him.

All my hurt, and confusion and my anger...

and listen to what He wanted me to do.

-And has He told you what He wants you to do?

-Yes...

Yes, He has.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Ohh.

Oh, Bianca, I'm so sorry, I'm just going out.

That's all right, Dot, I was just quickly popping in to get my wages.

Your wages? What wages?

-For the laundrette.

-Oh.

I thought you was just helping out, I never realised you wanted paying.

No.

Of course I was just helping you out.

Course I was, Dot. I was only, erm...

Well, I was just popping by just to say, er...

I just don't think I'm going to have time to do it again. Sorry.

Look, George, I'm sorry.

I know you don't understand but...I am sorry.

-Where's Shirley?

-She's having a shower.

-Dad, I can't ignore him.

-Well, you're going to have to, ain't you?

He won't be here for much longer, anyway.

-You spoken to Darren?

-I'm working on it.

Shirley needs to move on and you need to keep your mouth shut.

She's going to kill you, you know that, don't you?

You can't tell her. She can't find out.

-You all right, Bianca?

-All right, Jack.

-Oh, look, you've missed a bit there!

-Yeah, very funny.

What are you two doing out here gossiping?

You wouldn't think you got a new telly in there.

Morgan's ripped his football boots!

What?! Oh, you can't have! You've only had them two minutes!

I told him to be careful but he never listens to me.

-I bashed my foot! It hurts.

-Well, good!

Look! Do you know how much they cost? Do you?

Well, you can forget about joining the team as well

because I can't afford to buy you another pair!

Boys...no respect!

Didn't think I'd see your face around here again.

Not after what happened in the Vic.

Yes, well, I'll come straight to the point.

I've come to offer my services. You know, with the funeral.

-You know, when Heather's...

-Yes.

-They released her this morning.

-Oh...

Oh, well, of course they would've done

cos that's why He told me to come.

-Who?

-Jesus.

-JACK LAUGHS

-What are you doing?!

-I'm sorry.

-I'm drenched!

Listen, I didn't see you.

-Oh.

-Oh, right, you think this is funny, do you?

-You did this on purpose!

-No!

-Just because I poached your builder!

-No, I swear, all right, I didn't see you.

-I've just had my hair done!

-HE LAUGHS

You know what? You're going to pay for this.

I swear to ya!

I didn't know George Michael wrote so many songs.

I mean, we don't want nothing jazzy.

Although, I suppose there's nothing to say

that a funeral shouldn't be joyous

but not when you're walking the coffin in.

I should know what she would've wanted.

I should've known what she'd have wanted without thinking.

Well, maybe you're thinking too much, Shirley.

Let's leave it, eh?

And then chances are that it'll come to you in the middle of the night.

That's what happens, I lose something, I wander round looking for it

and then three o'clock in the morning I sit bolt upright in bed

and remember where I put it by mistake -

in the fridge.

You know, there was one.

Not that you'd know of it, but...

she used to say that the words, they spoke to her.

I'm supposed to be her best mate!

She would've known what I'd have wanted!

Yes, well that's cos she cared.

Well, that ain't to say that you didn't care...

but she was interested.

I mean, she used to buy me squashed fly biscuits for my birthday

cos she knew they were my favourite, you know.

Every year without fail.

And then she'd sit down and scoff the lot.

She'd hardly leave me one to dunk in my tea!

Everyone knows how much you cared for her.

You got it from Tamwar?

Yeah, just now.

I suppose that leaves it to me to break the news.

What are you going to say?

I don't know, but...

Well, once we get the funeral out the way

and George goes to live with Darren things will get back to normal.

They won't.

They will.

Darren? Darren, yeah, it's Phil Mitchell.

Yeah.

Listen, mate...

The thing is, we've been trying to ring for the last few days only...

Yeah, there's...

Well, there's a bit of bad news.

You need to get back to England.

Now.

You could have used your key.

I, erm, didn't want to.

I just wanted to pick up the last of my stuff

and leave before Auntie Dot gets back.

How are you?

Been better.

Thanks.

What for?

Talking to me.

Most people don't.

They shout stuff at me but they, erm...

they don't talk.

It's a mess!

How's your mum?

She thinks we should go back to Southend...

but I ain't running away.

Is that Auntie Dot?

-Dot?

-I've just been over to Shirley's...

Andrew...

Auntie Dot.

I don't want no rows.

I'm just picking some stuff up. I ain't going to stick around.

How did you get on with the funeral?

We didn't get very far.

Shirley couldn't think of a George Michael song that Heather would want.

You Have Been Loved.

It's on the Older album.

"It's a cruel world...

"..we've so much to lose...

"..and what we have to learn...

"..we rarely choose."

I'll just get my stuff and I'll be out of your hair.

-Ooh, look at you, making an effort! To try and look nice!

-"To try"...?

Where is he, then?

Oh, he hasn't arrived yet. Please.

I tell you what, Z.

If I get stood up tonight you'll never hear the end of it,

I'm warning you.

OK, relax.

Here, have some chutney.

Rather have some vodka.

All right, just the one.

We don't want people thinking you're dependant on alcohol.

Oh great, that's all I need, innit?

-Jack Branning sat opposite me when I'm on a date.

-(Yes.)

-I'm here to meet someone.

-I know.

Here she is! Jack, this is Denise. Denise, this is Jack.

You are kidding me, aren't you!

Well...

Hell no!

Ow, stop kicking, will you?

It's all right, you don't have to go.

Yeah I do. I ain't being battered to death in the middle of a laundrette.

Oh, "charming," you said! "Kind hearted," you said!

Why don't you sit down...

-He's about as charming as a great white!

-HE LAUGHS

-I was told she had a, "sunny disposition"!

-She has her moments.

Yeah, not to mention, "witty", "playful"...

-Oh, really? Playful?

-Yeah.

I bet that's the one that got you to come tonight, innit?

What, you think I was some teenager

that you could talk into bed like my daughter?

I don't need to talk women into bed, sweetheart.

So you want playful, do you?

How's that for playful?

You've got a lot of explaining to do.

Really good.

-Sorry.

-No, excellent.

All right, you having a break?

Little one. Been shopping?

Oh, I certainly have, yes.

I've managed to pay Phil off his rent and...

I bought this.

What do you reckon, eh?

I reckon it's not your colour.

Yeah, very funny. Well done. Go on, try it on.

-Me?

-Yeah, yeah, go on, try it on.

Listen, I'll stand out on the landing,

give me a shout when it's on, all right? Good girl.

Yeah?

-Surprise!

-Oh, what!

I had to guess his size

but I can always take them back if they're wrong.

-No.

-Oh, I saw him this morning, with his poor little torn boots, B.

I've told him he can't have new boots.

And you can't buy your way in here with a pair of football boots!

No!

Oh, what a mess!

Who's there?

We don't keep no money in there!

So you come on out or I'll call the police!

What are you doing in here?

I, er...

I just needed to feel close to Heather.

I'm sorry.

HE SOBS

He asleep?

I've just had the Social Worker on the phone.

-What about?

-Darren.

He's coming back to England.

He's going to take George.

What am I going to do?

(Come here.)

Come here, come here.

I need to tell Dot.

-Yeah.

-You decent?

-Da-da!

-Wowa, wowa, wow-wee! Yes! Wow.

It's good, it's good...it's a little bit big

but it doesn't matter cos you can't tell.

It needs to be a bit bigger, but I think she's going to love it.

Do you think she'll like the colour?

Kat? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's perfect.

Yeah, that's what I thought, you see. I wasn't 100%, but I am now.

Listen, thanks for trying it on, darling.

That'll put a smile on her face. Right, do you want a cup of tea?

She should be here, now...

fussing about George...

telling me about her day.

Same old Heather...

..only with a wedding ring on her finger.

-A ring that I put on her.

-Yes, well...

Yeah, "well" what?

What?

You might think I killed her.

I don't care.

I don't care about anything.

My life's over.

No, it isn't.

Heather's is.

Yeah...

..and she was my life.

You only knew her five minutes.

She was my life after five seconds!

You don't get it, do you?

I've never been like other blokes.

I've never...

I've never had much success with women.

Never even know what to say to them.

Then she comes along and she gets me...and I get her...

And we know...

..we understand...

we have to be together. We both knew that.

Now we can't...

..cos she's gone...

..and I don't care that people think I killed her.

I don't, really.

Because whoever did kill her...

killed me too.

That's just silly talk.

What do you know about it?

You've never had love like that, have you?

My dad treated you like a door mat.

-What do you know about it!

-I know that he left you for your sister.

Shows you how much he thought of you.

And you told Mum you only married Jim for companionship.

Well, that ain't true. She's wrong! I love Jim!

It breaks my heart that we can't be together no more!

Yeah?

If that was Heather in a home I'd be there every minute I could be!

I'd sleep on the floor of her room just to breathe the same air as her.

What am I going to do without her, Auntie Dot?

What?

It breaks your heart, doesn't it?

When you love someone and you can't be with them.

Oh, yeah?

Very cosy.

What are you doing with him?

I can go where I like, the police released me.

Yeah, well, don't kid yourself,

-you'll be back behind bars soon enough.

-Shirley.

-What?

I believe him. He didn't kill her.

I mean, look at him, he loved her too much.

-You what? Yes, he did!

-No, he didn't. I know it, I feel it.

He loved her as much as you and me loved her. Perhaps more.

No, he never, Dot!

Don't fall for his pack of lies.

They're not lies!

He's innocent.

I know he is.

I don't care what you think any more, Dot.

But one thing is crystal clear -

you believe him and you were never Heather's friend.

You keep away from the funeral. You hear me?

Both of you!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd