24/05/2012 EastEnders

THEY GIGGLE

You were doing a good job, then.

HE LAUGHS

What's funny?

It's amazing how you become like your parents, innit?

I was just about to tell you to use a glass.

No.

Good run?

Yeah, yeah, it was good for thinking.

And what d'you come up with?

It might be nice to have dinner tonight.

I'm not doing anything this evening, that'd be very nice, Tyler,

thank you.

Yeah. Yeah, funny.

No, I meant me and Whit - romantically.

Are you saying that my presence isn't conducive to romance?

No... No, I'm not saying that. It's just, it might...

-HE LAUGHS

-I'm only joking!

I'll be out your way, son, don't worry.

Yeah, well, that's my offer. 40 below the asking price.

And I can pay cash.

I'm sure that that will appeal to Mr Beale,

given that he doesn't seem to have any.

Dad.

Shhh!

-How's Mandy?

-She's asleep.

Has she said anything? About yesterday?

No. I think cancelling everything, it was like a reflex action...

So what now?

Well, it's up to all of us to help her get through it, isn't it.

You're not thinking of going ahead with the wedding?

Dad, her mum has just...

Look, it's a decent way to celebrate her life, OK.

And you're going to make a fantastic bridesmaid.

Just don't mention it to her when she wakes up. Let her... You know.

Are you having a laugh? It's 8 o'clock in the morning!

Erm, I'm doing this to pass my exams.

Oh, "Pass my exams." Live a little.

-What, like you?

-Oh, you're so good.

Look at that - Ian Beale. He wants me to put everything back on.

They must have sorted things out, then.

How do you sort out a dead mum that quick?

What?

Well, a bit of consideration. Mandy must be devastated.

Yeah, your best-man speech is going to be a real tear-jerker then(!)

Shut up, Lauren.

You're just put out cos me and Jay won the TV-remote wars last night.

You got exams today?

English and Science.

-Feeling OK about them?

-What?!

Dad, I ain't slept a wink.

Last night, I spoke to Lola,

she was, you know, telling me how Ian had this mad look in his eyes

when he threw her out the chippy.

-You know, like a zombie.

-Well, I'll sort it.

He could send us down for this.

I'll sort it, OK? One way or another.

SHE GASPS Tyler, stop it!

I'm late for work! Don't make me bring the pain.

All right, all right. Guess who's got a free house tonight...

Er... Let me guess. Must be someone I know, or you wouldn't bother asking.

-Oh, OK.

-Tamwar?

-All right, all right.

I guess I'll have to invite someone else

-for a beautiful, candle-lit dinner for two, then.

-Oh, really?

See you later. Don't bring Tamwar.

I won't.

There you are! Have you been avoiding my minions?

Because it's tantamount to avoiding me.

No, I've been busy with work and Tyler.

-OK, so have you given it much thought?

-What?

Moving in!

Billy said that he'd left a message.

I thought Michael would be moving in? He's the dad.

And what is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. Nothing, it's just...

most girls would die to have some sharply dressed go-getter

in the house.

Oh, please, Michael is not moving in!

Look, is this a yes or a no?

Because if it's a no, can you please just say so.

Janine, it's going to be all right, OK?

You're going to cope. Mums always do.

Janine? I didn't mean anything...

No, I'm not accepting 40 below.

Well, this is London, right?

The prices go up. It's simple economics.

Well, you're the estate agent, not me.

Oh, Ian. Are you all right?

Tanya.

I just dropped in to see how Mandy's doing.

Yeah, she's asleep.

Max told me about her mum. It's crazy, we were only talking about her yesterday.

Has she ask you to be bridesmaid?

No. Why? She wouldn't, would she?

She must be distraught, poor girl.

Yeah, it's really knocked her for six.

But it's good that she's got something to focus on.

Oh, right. So, you're still going ahead with everything?

Only Max said she cancelled the venue.

Yeah, it's only a quick phone call. Easily done.

-Right, you think she'll be up to that tomorrow, do you?

-Yeah.

Thanks for coming round. She'll really appreciate it.

OK, well, look, if you need us to take Bobby off your hands...

-Yeah, absolutely. She'll be touched.

-You know where we are...

-See you.

It's not my fault you've ended up the best man!

I told you not to go after him!

Here, look, let me make it up to you. I'll make amends.

Come out with me for a nice drink tonight, just the two of us, eh?

I want to give little Tyler and Whitney space.

-PHONE RINGS

-Hold up, it's the venue. Hang on. Hello? Yeah.

What, the card was declined?

Yeah, well, you said the admin fee was only 50 quid!

And it was still declined, yeah? Hold up, hold up.

I've got to sort this out, Del, sorry.

Hang on, let me just grab the card for you. Hang on.

Well, good luck!

Yeah, I know I'm going to be very, very rich...

Wahey! It's just that I need some money now.

So I was wondering if you might have a word with Billy

and tell him that it was your fault I missed the interview yesterday.

Well, not your fault exactly...

Course I can. It's fine, it's fine.

-Just leave it with me.

-Thanks.

I've seen Million Dollar Baby - the answer's no.

What? No, it's Janine, actually...

-Is she OK?

-Why?

Well, she asked me to move in again earlier and I said no...

This is ridiculous. She'll have Billy living there before me!

-Aren't bridesmaids supposed to get new dresses?

-I'm not sure about the red one, but the green one is OK.

-Can't I wear black?

-No, you can't wear black.

It's not very sensitive, is it? The green one will be lovely.

How you doing, love?

What time is it? Why didn't you wake me?

Cos I thought you deserved to have a lie in, OK?

Now, come on. Come and sit yourself down.

Marie's going to cover the cafe, so we haven't got to worry about that.

Now, you just relax and I'll go and make you a nice cup of tea.

About the funeral...

Ian, you can stick her in the allotment with the cabbages and carrots for all I care.

Right...

What about the wedding?

Ian...

I can't go through with it. Not tomorrow.

Yes, you can.

No, Ian, I just need a little bit of time.

I'm not saying never. I'm not.

Just a couple of weeks.

You're overreacting.

My mum has just died.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

All right, Ian. It's your card, mate, it's been rejected.

What do you mean it's been rejected? I only just got it!

-Ian, it wouldn't go through, mate.

-What?! Oh, come with me.

What do you mean he said no?

All right, well, did you tell him that I offered to pay cash?

KNOCK AT DOOR

OK, in that case, revise my offer down by 10,000.

Yes, down. And then if he still says no,

you can tell him that the money I lent him at the weekend,

I would like back. Thank you.

You're not buying another place, are you?

What did you want?

That's very rude. I heard you were upset, yeah?

-But that was ten minutes ago...

-Must be Whitney.

Yeah. She was worried.

Not worried enough to move in though, right?

Why would you even want her to?

Because I'm not going to let this baby get in the way of my business.

With the genes that baby's getting,

she'll be pulling a hostile takeover in months.

I'm being serious, Michael, all right? I've got to get on.

Well, listen, I'm not moving until you ask me to move in, OK?

Because you've asked every other no-mark in the Square.

So, whenever you're ready. In your own time.

Is that right, Ian?

Well, I guess that's it, mate, innit?

The money for the funeral - it must have come out the account.

Right. Must have been expensive, was it?

Lend it to me.

Come on, Max. Look, you know I'm good for it, OK?

I've got the caff, I've got the chippy, I've got the house...

I'll pay you back, it's just a cash-flow thing.

It's not that, it's not that, all right?

I ain't being funny, but it's Mandy, innit?

-You know, she's the one who's cancelled all this.

-She's grieving!

Yeah, she still is. It ain't been 24 hours, Ian.

-She don't want to get married tomorrow...

-She does want to!

She just doesn't realise it yet, OK?

If you don't want to be my best man, just say,

and I can find someone else.

Ian, I'm not saying that, all right?

Then help me! I tell you what,

we get the smaller room at the registry office,

we're not going to do any food or flowers or anything.

Just me, Mandy, you, Lucy and Bobby. It'll cost a couple of hundred quid.

I thought you said you wanted it to be a magical day?

It will be magical. Just seeing that ring on her finger.

Max, please, in 48 hours' time I could be stood on that deck,

sipping champagne, just watching the sunset go down.

And all this... This stuff with Mandy's mum and the money...

It'll all be in the past.

Please, Max.

You've got to help me get on that ship. With my wife.

Please.

Who else have you tried? Beale, have you tried Beale?

Oh, come on, calm down, please.

No. You're asking all these different people to help you out

and I'm right here.

I've asked someone to help me with my baby,

I need someone to help with the baby, so I offered Whitney a job.

Whitney, that ex-pro...

-Stop. What about meal times?

-What about meal times?

I can do meal times. I am available for meal times.

Yeah, I can come and sit round the table, I can eat dinner.

-What, like happy families?

-Yeah. Just like on the telly, you know.

All sitting round, eating cornflakes.

-Oh, please! Don't you think it's just a bit drastic?

-Drastic?

We're having a baby together and you're talking about drastic?

How about this, look, right...

Let's have dinner tonight. Just me and you.

And then I can stay. How about that?

And I can wake up in the morning, we could have breakfast.

Then I go to work.

But then I'd come back, we could have dinner again.

And then I stay again. See, there's a pattern emerging.

We could just do that ad infinitum.

So, like, you accidentally move in?

Yeah. Yeah, why stop now?

Go on, girl.

You know you'd love it.

I've been looking for you. What's this about you shutting the caff

-and going out in the street, shouting?

-Billy. Buy my car.

Oh, yeah, like I can afford a new motor.

-Oi, oi, I'm talking to you.

-500 quid.

Let me see, I've got... £2.70?

Oi, why are you doing this?

I'm going to do this without Max, or Ben, or anyone else.

-I can do it on my own.

-Max?

Yeah, I'm going to be jetting off to paradise this time tomorrow.

That's not how it looks in the book, man!

Oh, what is that disgusting smell?

What's this? Extreme Cooking?

A couple of lugs of this, a drizzle of that - I've got vomit.

Oh, what are you doing?!

It says, look, the longer you cook it the better,

so I thought I'd start early...

No, what are you doing cooking chilli con carne for a young girl?

This is supposed to be a romantic meal.

Bit of fish. Light pasta dish.

She's a beautiful young woman, not a rugby prop forward.

How do you know so much about it then?

Common sense.

Oh, you amaze me, you really do.

I don't know how you've lasted this long.

Right, bin all this and we'll start from scratch.

Now, what shall we do? Something fancy...

Something she'll respond to.

And you know how to cook, do you?

When it's the difference between sitting in a cell for a ten stretch

or learning how to make lasagne, it ain't long before you're pinnied up

and standing in front of a cooker.

Well, do you want me to help you, or don't you?

I've got a poker game I could be organising.

Please, please, mate. Help me.

Good. Right. Let's get down the shops.

Now, you are the sous chef,

I am head chef,

which means that I am in charge,

and you are nothing but a maggot on the sole of my shoe.

-There's no change there then!

-Well... Come on.

All right, Phil?

This about Jay?

-Ian.

-Oh, right.

Don't bother kicking off, cos I'm done.

That's it. You know, I don't mind helping him out,

but I'm not going to lend him money.

I just want to know what he said to you.

He said he needed a best man. Which is fine.

I don't mind picking up the phone, saying a few words,

but I ain't going to lend him money, Phil, not the state he's in.

Well, the last I heard Ben was his best man.

Well, he told me Ben had exams or something, I don't know.

Still, if Ben wants the job back, that's fine.

Well, how much short is he?

500. Not likely, is it?

Before you know it, you've given him your credit card

and he's flying her off to Disneyland

in a Minnie Mouse helicopter.

Phil, you ain't going to see that money back.

I don't care. I just want you to do your job properly

and then Ben can stop worrying about his brother.

Do me a favour, calm him down before he gets himself sectioned.

You're going to need more than this, Phil. For the car an' all that.

I'll sort the car.

I lost my mum.

So? What, you want to be best friends now, do you?

Dead Mums Brigade?

I was just saying...

-Right, I'm selling the car.

-Stop selling everything!

-No, everything's falling into place.

-I need to get out of here.

No. You can't. I've got a surprise for you, OK? An announcement.

-What?

-It deserves a bit of ceremony, OK.

Everything's got to be perfect, hasn't it?

So, I'm going to go get us a curry and a bottle of wine.

Look, I promise you, everything's got to be perfect, all right?

Just stay there, yeah? Have you got any money?

I thought you'd sold the car?

Make sure she doesn't leave.

Potato rosti. Sounds well-posh.

Yeah, and all you've done is fry up a couple of potatoes.

I'm amazed they had you doing this inside, mate.

Well, I met this guy, fellow con.

Quite a funny story, actually.

Oh, yeah? Go on.

Well, I'd been in about a year, right.

So I get a call up to the warden's office.

I walk in, he's looking at me,

he says, "I'm sorry, Branning, it's a Dear John."

Dear John? What's that?

It's a letter you get from your missus,

when she's informing you it's all over.

Oof! Ouch.

No greater ouch, mate.

There's nothing you can do about it on the inside.

You see, the screws, they all read your mail,

so he knew what to expect.

He's looking at me, he goes,

"Branning, you need the doctor."

Do you know what he gave me?

Three sleeping pills. Three sleeping pills for a broken heart.

Did she give a reason?

Pain of separation, she put it down to.

Should have tried it from my side!

Anyway, couple of days later, a geezer comes up to me.

Heard I'd had a Dear John. He'd had one the week before.

What, this is your chef mate, yeah?

Yeah. We used to sit in my cell, planning our escape.

How we were going to win our women back in an hail of bullets!

See? You can do romance!

And then we realised

that it was easier to have nothing on the outside.

And that's when he taught me how to cook.

Well, thank God for that,

because this salmon and rosti is going to go down a storm.

There you go.

It'll be done soon and then I'm off to the dogs.

Dogs? I thought you was going poker?

Yeah, poker.

-Think I got the shakes.

-Let me do it, then...

I'm joking!

Did you get on it last night?

You are going to look so beautiful.

Tyler's going to do himself a mischief when he sees you.

Shut up!

Don't wiggle about, cos I'm going to ruin it.

Well, hurry up. I know you want a drink at the Vic.

I like it.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

All right, Max?

-You all right, Mandy? Come in.

-Thanks.

Tanya's still at work, I think. She'll be back soon.

I'm... I'm sorry, you know, for your loss.

Have I lost something?

I'm always doing that.

My purse...

car keys...

You know, anything that's not physically attached to me...

-SHE SOBS

-I'm so sorry.

It's all right. Come here. Come here.

Dad, we're just popping out...

-Come on, Mandy, it's all right.

-I'm so sorry.

It's OK, it's all right. Come here.

DOOR OPENS

-How'd they go?

-All right.

I dunno, I missed out a couple of questions.

-Well, at least they're over.

-What about Ian?

Well, Max is best man, so hopefully it'll keep him in line.

-Why Max?

-He trusts him, I dunno.

It's always Max. Everywhere I look.

Well, maybe he'll sort his head out.

Yeah, maybe he can't.

I mean, what if... I dunno...

But what if he makes a call when he's safe on the other side of the world?

Stop making up all these fantasies, will you? You're as bad as Ian.

-Is that mine?

-Yep.

I forgot my wallet, you'll have to stick it on the tab.

You still owe me for the sandwich you didn't let me finish yesterday!

-What was that worth - a quid? Stick it on the tab.

-Oi, hang on!

-It's all right. I'll get it.

Oi!

What's all that about?

She wanted a curry. She hasn't eaten all day.

We need to talk. Cos I ain't having you sailing off and running away.

-I told you. This time tomorrow I'll be gone.

-You ain't going anywhere.

-You ain't going on no cruise, and you ain't selling your house.

-You can't tell me what to do!

-Me and you, we had a deal, yeah?

-Her mum died, OK?

If I can't convince her to marry me,

to come on this honeymoon and make a fresh start, then it is over!

Now, that might suit you,

but if it is over, then I have got nothing to live for, OK?

Do you understand me?

-Ian, mate, just calm down, yeah.?

-Mate?!

-Just take it easy.

You've taken on too much, just put something off...

I haven't taken on too much, it's my life!

-What about our life?

-You haven't got a life, you threw it away!

-Just leave him alone.

You might think I'm the one who's cracking up, but it's not, OK?

It's you two that are cracking up.

So don't worry about me, just worry about each other.

Phil, please! Phil! Please, Phil!

You're just itching to talk, aren't you? It's just bursting out of you!

No! I'm not the one who does that, am I?

Now, Ben... Ben is your brother, yeah?

And me, I'm like a step-dad. So you and me,

we're like family, really, aren't we, yeah?

And betraying your family is the ultimate.

Betraying your family

is crossing the line. Do you understand me?

I won't... I won't.

I just...

want to get married.

It's all I've got left.

Come on, then. I'll walk you round there.

I quite like being a chaperone.

Ha! I'd say more "personal taxi".

Oi!

Look at you, smiling from ear to ear.

Well, I just...

I never thought I'd get here again.

What, Albert Square?

No. You know the...

You know the butterfly feeling in your tummy?

SHE SNORTS

And I have come a long way from all that stuff with Rob.

Yeah, it's about time someone made a fuss of you,

cos you're all right.

Oh, I'm all right, am I?

Yes. You really are.

THEY GIGGLE

Ah, just the man.

If you've come to tell me I'm on washing-up duty, I've clocked off.

No, no, no, I've had a word with her. Won't happen again.

I appreciate that. Thanks, Michael.

That's all right, Billy. I like you. That's why I wanted to have a word.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. When you bring someone in to any business,

everything they do, EVERYTHING, reflects on you, yeah?

If they're great, everybody loves you. If they're terrible...

I know it's unfair, but that's just the deal of being a worker bee.

Now I'm a big fan of you, Billy, like I said.

And that's why I don't want Janine blaming you

if someone else messes up.

You need to ask yourself the serious question,

"Do I feel comfortable having someone like Jean..."

"..represent me?" Yeah?

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm at sixes and sevens today!

Oh! That's better, right, OK.

I'm sorry, I dunno why I came here...

It's all right. Don't be silly, it's fine.

What was it, you didn't want to be alone?

Probably too late for that.

You grow up a certain way, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess you do, yeah.

How can you cry for someone you hate?

Mandy, look it ain't really my place to say but, you know,

maybe all this is, you know, a chance to move on, innit.

I need a lot of time to think.

Well, you know, you'll get that on the cruise, won't you?

-What cruise?

-The honeymoon.

I weren't meant to say anything. Ian managed to sort the tickets out.

I think you're going the day after tomorrow.

Right. So that's what the big announcement's all about.

Yeah, well, sounds like you could do with a break.

And you ain't got to worry about the funeral,

that's all taken care of.

Who's taken care of it?

Well, Ian has.

But I told him, I told him not to bother.

Well she needs burying, don't she?

She's my mum, Max! Not yours.

Not Ian's. She's mine.

And if I say let her rot in them allotments, then just let her rot!

Your rosti does not look like Mussolini.

You don't even know who Mussolini is.

Yeah, but it's a potato, ain't it!

Your boy's been cooking up a storm!

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

Please, madam.

Three plates.

Careful, they're hot, them.

Yeah, I thought there was plenty of food, so, you know, I asked Derek.

Yeah, right, right.

You know what, it's always the way, innit.

You do the cooking and you lose your appetite.

No, there's plenty of food to go round, right, Ty?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean you've done most of the work, mate.

Nah.

I'll grab mine later.

Right, so it's just us then.

Yep.

So, I guess we can switch the romance back on now then, yeah?

-Tell Mandy I'm dishing up. Just got to lay the table.

-She's gone.

What?

You booked a funeral?

It's OK, you haven't left...

When I asked you, I asked you not to?

-He was trying to help.

-Don't!

Lucy, just don't. Not with this, all right?

So what, you think that was going to work, did you?

Put her in the ground.

Just sweep her under the carpet and everything goes away?

No. No, that's not how I saw it in my head, no.

Mandy, what I thought, right, was, I'd get us a nice curry

and a bottle of wine,

I'd set the table nicely, light some candles and then...

Then I'd give you these.

Look, I just thought that if we could get married, OK,

and we can get on the plane,

a couple of hours, you'd be in paradise.

Look, there'd be no more caff, no more chippy,

no more Albert Square, no more being laughed at.

And I thought, once you were on that ship,

you'll have time to relax and think and...

maybe you'd realise then that what your mum said was wrong, OK?

She's the one who couldn't be loved.

She's the one who's messed up.

She wanted it to be you, but it's not you, is it?

It can't be you. Because...

Because I love you.

Look, I just thought that, once we'd buried her, OK...

..you could start to look forward, instead of always looking back.

But I don't know how I feel about what's happened.

You don't need to know how you feel about all that.

You just need to know how you feel about me.

Um...

why don't you set the table for dinner and I'll go and get changed.

Here she is! My new flatmate.

Hello.

Hello. How about a celebratory bitter lemon?

Lovely, thank you.

A celebratory bitter lemon?

We're moving in together.

Michael, that woman is not a nice woman.

She's the mother of my unborn child, Jean.

Well, I've got some news.

Billy gave me the job!

So what you said worked.

He said, us worker bees have to stick together.

I'm in your debt!

-There you go.

-Thank you.

I'm going to need a photo of you.

What for?

My wallet.

SHE CHUCKLES

Well, he certainly knows how to make a girl feel special, doesn't he?

Oh, yeah, he's upstairs, emptying a bottle of aftershave

all over himself, as we speak.

You know, it's going to be so nice,

not having you around on this honeymoon.

I'm not going to let you marry my dad.

Oh, I'm going to marry him.

Just to ruin your day.

All set?

Mm-hm.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd