28/05/2012 EastEnders

Dad.

Dad!

-Dad!

-Shut up, will you?

-DAD!

-He's in bed.

No, he isn't.

I thought I heard him come in last night.

Well, he didn't wake me up. So where is he?

-Has he gone off with Mandy?

-'Course not.

-Is this because you shouted at him?

-Don't be stupid.

He's probably just had an early start.

He'll be in the cafe taking his foul mood out on Marie.

Either that or he'll be on the stall.

He's most likely on the stall.

SHE GROANS

What's the matter with you?

I've got images of Ian Beale stuck in my head going round on a loop.

You poor thing.

He still owes me a grand. And then there's Jean!

What about Jean?

She's late...

for a cleaning shift.

SHE SIGHS

Did you hear about Ian? Oh, hang on. Hang on, Alfie.

Alfie, I've got another call. Just wait there. Wait there.

Yes, Janine?

Oh, Alfie! Sorry. Sorry. I haven't done it. Wait there. Wait there.

She's actually just hung up on me.

Can you believe that?!

Why is your Uncle Derek just staring?

Dunno.

-Do you need some binoculars, Uncle Derek?

-Oi, watch it, you.

Joke.

Excuse my granddaughter.

She thinks insulting someone

then saying joke constitutes a sense of humour.

Joke.

-Kids, hey?

-Yeah.

Rude, selfish, inconsiderate

and a blight on society.

I take it Alice hasn't been in touch then?

Did you call her?

Fat lot of good that'd do me when she won't even pick up her phone.

Why'd she take off like that?

Dunno.

My guess is, somebody's been dripping poison about me.

Who?

Good question.

If she won't answer your calls...

why don't you write her a letter?

Last letter I wrote was in 1969.

Dear Aunt Bess. Thanks for the socks.

Derek.

I see.

Well, let's hope Alice took telepathy at school.

This is not a good start, Jean.

Yes, yes, Your majesty.

-Excuse me?

-Nothing.

Sorry. I'm here.

All right, Jean?

Need to have a word.

-Is there a problem?

-No, no. It's the opposite.

-But not here, yeah. Come and see me at the gym?

-Yeah.

Actually, can I just call you back? Thanks. Michael?

Yeah?

-Not again?

-Not again what?

-You and jelly brains. Should I be worried?

Yeah, yeah. Sex is out of this world.

He didn't come in this morning.

But he wasn't on the stall. So where is he?

Well, it's obvious, isn't it? He'll be at the chippy.

How's your old man? Managed to find his trousers yet?

Just picking up the keys for the chippy. Ian's left them for me.

-He did what?!

-Said he was going on honeymoon and to open up.

Honeymoon?!

Yeah, so if you've got a problem, take it up with him, yeah?

Dad's on honeymoon?

Yeah, of course he is. That's why I couldn't get in touch with him.

There's not going to be any reception on a boat, is there?

I should have known Dad wouldn't let an expensive holiday go to waste.

-Do I still have to go to school?

-Don't push it.

Andrew? Andrew!

So good to see you. Boy, what you doing back here?

Sorry, if it's your mum you're looking for...

-Mum? No, I don't want to see her.

-What I was going to say...

is that she's gone out for the day. I've just seen her leave.

So if you're not back to see your mum, why are you here?

I dunno.

I was on the tube...

Uh huh.

Heather's headstone...

They put it up yesterday

so I was...

I was on my way to take these.

And then the train stopped...

..but I didn't move.

I just sat there.

And the doors was closing...

and the announcer was saying,

"Next stop, Walford East."

I suppose...

here I am then.

Hey, come and have a drink?

Come on!

It's all right. The drink is on me.

So, how've you been keeping, brother?

I have, like, good days and bad days, you know.

Well, when you have bad days, you take a deep breath.

-Beale?

-Oi!

-Where's your dad?

-Excuse me, this is my house.

-Yeah, I need to see him. Is he in?

-No.

-Where is he?

Right about now, I'd say he's in the middle of the ocean somewhere.

He's gone off on his honeymoon. OK?

What do you want?

Your dad's OK then.

And we're all right, aren't we?

Come on. You've had a terrible shock, I get it.

Talk to me cos that's what I'm here for.

Listen, anything that your dad's done, my dad's topped. I promise.

Oh, that's right, Lauren. Make it all about you, as always.

Maybe you should you be celebrating?

Oh, yeah. My dad's been humiliated, again.

Whoop-de-doo.

Yeah, but Mandy's gone. It's what you wanted.

Spent long enough devising plans to get rid.

Remember when you were texting that L Stephens

and then her hag of a mother turns up?

It's not that funny to mock the dead.

Just lighten up, Lucy.

Don't you see what this is?

This is what they call a golden opportunity.

How so?

The wicked witch has flown off on her broomstick

and if I hear you correctly, Lucy, then you have a free house.

Why don't I scour the streets, round up a few fitties, hey?

Maybe.

Right, so we're cool then, yeah?

What gives you that idea?

Well, this. The party.

Yeah...

Shame...

cos you're not invited.

DOOR SLAMS

Are you sure?

That's what she said.

Are you worried?

Well, it's better than him hanging round Walford nick.

You don't sound convinced.

Ian's unpredictable at the best of times but...

I've never seen him like this before.

-What d'you mean?

-Just stay close to blondie.

If he's going to contact anyone, it'll be her.

Michael.

Is my money OK?

OK? That's one word for it!

Another word...is booming.

-Really?

-Yeah!

Yeah, we're looking at 40% returns, Jean.

You know what that means? That means in a couple of weeks,

we can start withdrawing funds.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yeah. Yeah, it's great. So, you know, all this...

cleaning for Janine malarkey, you don't need to bother.

Well, I have to earn a living in the meantime.

I don't think you understand, Jean.

We keep on the way we are,

you won't have to do another dogsbody job in your life.

In that case...

I want to invest more.

More?

£10,000.

-That's a lot of money, Jean.

-I know!

Strictly speaking, it's not my money.

It's the government's. Well, it's the Vic's VAT money.

But it's sitting in a piddly little account,

-not earning any interest.

-You need to slow down, Jean.

Slow down?! It's wasteful.

Especially when the Vic's barely breaking even. I mean...

if the investment is doing as well as you say it is,

-why not invest it?

-I don't know. I don't know.

Why not?

If it's VAT money, it needs to be paid back in June.

Two weeks, you said.

40%!

Unless you're not being straight with me...

No, no. 'Course I'm being straight with you, Jean.

It's just that I don't know if I can add to the investment right now.

I can get you cash by the end of the day.

Can you?

I tell you what...

..let me look into it.

Oh. I nearly forgot.

I've bought you a little thank you something.

Don't open it now cos I'll get embarrassed.

I'll just, um, put it...

..there.

So tell me, man. What have you been doing with yourself

in sunny Southend?

Nothing really. Just...

keeping my head down.

Hey, man. The flowers look beautiful, you know.

Was planning on paying a visit myself during the week.

Oh, Trace. Um...

Whiskey

and the usual for me, please.

Oh, and some crisps. What flavours do you have?

Cheese and onion, salt and vinegar...

I tell you what, let me have a look a the menu.

OK. You feeling a bit peckish, Andrew?

Ooh!

Derek, the point of the game ain't to take holes out the wall.

-Re-match? Round the clock.

-Gym ain't going to run itself.

All right. Go on. One more.

Thing that gets me is that brother of ours.

Here's me and you, gorgeous specimens of mankind...

..lustrous thick hair, dark brooding looks.

And there's him, bald and ugly

with three kids all living under the same roof.

I mean, how does that work, hey?

You ever asked yourself why he's bald?

Eh?

Something to be said for not living with your kids, innit. Look at that.

Get in there.

Stop feeling sorry for him, Mum.

The man has spent the last 18 years

-not even thinking about his daughter.

-How do you know?

Just cos he's getting on a bit,

doesn't suddenly make him father material.

Anyway, the person we need to feel sorry for is Ian.

I don't know how you come back from something like that.

He'll probably have another dolly bird on his arm this time next week.

The point is, every man has a right to know their children.

Why? Cos they provided a bit of DNA?

That is not what being a dad's about.

You really hate him, don't you?

Yeah.

Ask me, Alice is better off without him.

Give him five minutes, he'll have moved onto something else.

-Something illegal most likely.

-It was you, wasn't it?

You warned Alice off.

What if I did?

Oh, hey, guys. Party of the year at mine.

-Are you going?

-Apparently not, no.

What's it in aid of then?

Mandy's exorcism party.

Marie, can I have a cup of tea, please?

-Er, Janine. There is a queue?

-Er, I'm pregnant.

So have you got your dad's blessing for a booze up, have you?

No, but seeing as he selfishly decided to take off,

-don't think it matters, does it?

-Take off?

Yeah. Honeymoon for one.

But in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy myself.

So, what did you say to him?

Nothing. Nothing at all. Didn't get a chance before he ran off.

So, what's the plan?

Are we just going to shout his name like a lost dog?

Come on. He can't be that hard to find.

You do realise this city we live in, yeah? It's called the capital.

It's big, like well big.

There he is.

Well, unless Andrew is a shape shifter,

I'd say that your eyes were playing tricks on you, Patrick.

Hey. Andrew.

Well, it's not my usual tipple, but why not?

You don't mind do you?

Come on, shufty up.

Jean.

Oh! You frightened the life out of me.

We need to be quick. It's about your investment.

-Great cos I've managed to get the money out. It's over at the Vic...

-No, no, no.

I can't let you do it, Jean. We've got to be sensible about this.

I don't want you to do it until we see another significant return.

It's the chain, isn't it? I overstepped the mark.

No, it's not about the chain.

The chain's lovely. It's nothing personal, Jean.

Just need to give it a couple of weeks.

-Whatever you think best, Michael.

-You've just got to trust me.

Oh, sorry.

Were you two having a moment because

-I can always leave you to it?

-Don't be silly, Janine.

What?! You know she's got a crush on you and you're encouraging it!

-I do not have a crush.

-Oh, come on, Jean.

We all know what your obsessions are like. You practically stalked

my Uncle Norman and then Michael's dad and now you're pitching in for the younger model.

-How dare you.

-That's out of order. You've got to apologise.

-I beg your pardon?!

-I'm

-out of order?

-Just say sorry.

-You don't need to defend me.

Why are you taking her side?

Please don't tell me you've suddenly taken a shine for crazy people?

What?!

Come on. What did I say?

It was a joke.

What?

I think you know.

So the thing is, Andrew, I'm sorry.

I should never have believed that you were capable of doing

something like that to Heather.

You weren't the only one.

Yeah. Sorry for them as well.

I mean, it's just that...

we all wanted answers so badly.

It's OK. I want them too.

All right! Easy. Easy. Woman-shaped human to your left, yeah?

-Where're you going?

-I've got to see her.

I mean, a letter! Who does she think I am?

Can you imagine me getting all Dear Deidre?

Best I could manage was a birthday card to Joey

and look where that got me.

So, what? You're just going to leave it then?

-I've tried, Jack. I've tried.

-Oh, yeah. 'Course you have(!)

Anyway, what's a few words on a piece of paper going to do, eh?

-And what would I say? I'm sorry...

-I don't know.

..that I didn't know how to be a dad,

that I did think about her every day of her life...

what it would be like...

I mean, she's my flesh and blood, Jack.

She's a part of me.

You know how I feel about family.

But I'm not one of them men who could do a weekend here

and a weekend there.

Besides, their mother wouldn't have let me.

What are you doing?!

See this? Paper, yeah?

And this is what they call a pen.

You write letters with it.

Just get on with it, will ya?

Let me past, please.

He thinks you're idiotic, you know.

He even does impressions of you at home. Sausage surprise!

It's hilarious.

-I don't believe you.

-Why's that?

Because you're friends?

Yes, actually. I listen to him because that's what friends do.

Yes, yes, Jean. You and your imaginary conversations.

You do realise it takes two people in order for it to be real, right?

I know when feelings are real

and I know my heart isn't empty.

Ouch, you're really touching a nerve there.

In fact, I think I might cry.

Where are your family, Janine?

Where your friends?

The people who stick up for you when things go wrong?

Stacey always had friends.

Loads and loads of them,

always there, ready to help her, support her.

She was so loved around here. On her wedding day,

that church was jam full of friends and family...

Not forgetting her father-in-law...

Oh, I'm not saying she's perfect.

She's human.

And she'll never be like you...

hated and alone.

I have got Michael

and a baby on the way in case you hadn't noticed.

You can't force a child to love you, Janine.

And Michael...

..you know you're just using him.

Right, yeah, cos I really need his money.

You know,

we had a good long chat the other day

about faith.

Faith?!

That St Christopher that he carries around with him everywhere...

..do you know who gave it to him?

You don't, do you?

That's because he doesn't trust you enough to tell you.

So what does that say about your relationship?

It says you're lying.

His mother gave it to him, that's who.

The day that she committed suicide the light went out in him.

Now, I think deep down he is a good man,

but he's too good for you, Janine, because you're nothing but darkness

and you'll never know the real Michael.

-Who are all these people?

-Tyler, I ain't got a clue.

I only came here cos Lauren wanted me to watch out for her.

What's happening, Luce?

I don't recognise anyone. Do you know 'em all, do you?

Not yet.

Luce, when's your dad coming back?

Another week. And when he gets back, I'm going to make sure

there's not a single trace of that money-grabbing cow in this house.

So if you see anything that looks like it might have belonged to Mandy,

put it in here.

What is going on with Jean?

Nothing.

It's stupid. You've wound yourself up.

I feel sorry for her.

So sorry for her that you pour your heart out?

-Excuse me?

-She told me all about your mum struggling

with her faith and how you carry round that stupid St Christopher

because she gave it to you.

Come on, she is talking rubbish, right?

You know, making it all up?

Oh, talk to me, Michael!

'Course she is. 'Course she's making it up.

She's just a sad, delusional, little woman.

Why would she say that?

To get you to react like this. Come here.

Come on.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I know I shouldn't let her get to me, I just...

I thought maybe she might be right.

About what?

Nothing.

It's stupid. Nothing.

-You can talk to me though, yeah?

-Yeah. 'Course.

OK.

Look, look. It's rubbish. I'm not even going to send it.

Yes, you are.

May not be the greatest piece of literature I've ever read,

but it's honest

-and that's what's going to make your daughter listen.

-Really?

Really.

Going to join us, Tan?

Oh, um...

I was going to meet Max for a drink.

I see.

Company not up to your standards?

No, I just don't want to interrupt, that's all.

You look like you're having a good chat.

What's her problem?

Why do you keep avoiding me, Tan?

-I'm not.

-Yes, you are.

What's Mum said to you?

Nothing.

Oh, I get it.

It was you, weren't it?

You scared Alice off.

No, Derek.

You did that yourself. I just told her the truth.

What did you say?

Just told her a couple of facts. Do you know what they are?

-Statements that actually mean the truth.

-Like?

Like the man you really are.

Derek!

No, no. Lucy, I don't think you should do that in here, babe.

Matches, that's what I need.

Are you OK?

Everyone get out. Now! You all need to leave. Go!

-Come on. We just got here, Luce.

-Let's just go.

-No. You sure you're OK?

-Just get out! Go.

Leave me alone!

Stupid, stupid, silly woman.

Bought the biggest bunch I could find.

Didn't know the names...

..so I just said to the woman...

make sure you put lots of pink ones in there...

..pink's her favourite colour.

"Cheery", she said.

"Who's the lucky lady?"

"My fiancee", I said.

Got a bit lost on the way.

Ended up at the launderette, of all places.

I guess...

..I wasn't quite ready for this yet.

Love you, Heather...

..and I always will.

Look, you're welcome to come and stay with us, you know.

Don't want to see Mum.

You can't put it off for ever.

Come on.

Don't think I can live without her, Patrick.

The Lord giveth and he taketh away.

And the worst feeling

is knowing that people are laughing at you behind your back.

-I was angry, Jean.

-You think I'm a sad, delusional, little woman.

-No, I don't.

-Then why did you say it?

To hurt you.

You told Janine about my mother.

Telling you that...

That's a big deal for me.

I didn't intend to break your confidence, Michael.

Janine cornered me...

and she just kept...

..picking, picking

and she wouldn't leave me be.

I know.

I'm sorry. She can be cruel.

You're too good for her.

The chain I gave you... Did you like it?

Very much.

Can't just keep it in your pocket, silly.

So, are we friends?

On one condition...

You let me invest the VAT money.

He's in debt.

He's up to his eyes and he's been bottling it up.

Now he's just vanished, he's just disappeared

and he hasn't even told me.

I thought Ian was on his honeymoon?

He's having a breakdown, isn't he?

He's losing it and I can't help him

cos I don't know where the hell he is.

Thank you, Michael.

You're very welcome, Jean.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd