09/07/2012 EastEnders


09/07/2012

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Transcript


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Do you mind?!

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Forgive me. I wasn't watching where you were going...

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What do you expect? Standing up in the way doing nothing.

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PHONE BEEPS

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Oi, you're not a forensic scientist are you?

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-What?

-Or know any?

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Plenty. Miami, New York, Vegas...

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A comedian. Just what this place needs...

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-Do I look like a comedian?

-No.

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Actually you look like somebody who doesn't know whether he's coming or going.

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Such a shame Denise can't make this.

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She deserves it more than anyone else.

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I mean, an ingrown toenail - how random is that?

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I know what you're doing...

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What? I'm getting ready to go.

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Looking for a way out. Any excuse not to go.

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Ridiculous. Why would I do that?

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We'll be OK.

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-Kamil...

-Is a little trooper.

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-And Syed...

-Is a big boy now.

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-Tamwar...

-Is stronger than you think.

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You.

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Will be here. Always.

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Come on, Zee. Go and enjoy yourself.

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-You deserve this.

-I didn't even want it in the first place.

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Oh yes, you did. You did. You did, deep down.

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Otherwise you wouldn't have "won". I'll miss you, Zee. We all will.

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-But we'll cope.

-Promise?

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It's just two nights.

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We'll be fine.

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There you go. 100 brushes - just like a princess.

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I'm not a princess. And I'm not a horse either.

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Really. Seems to me you're turning into a right little mare.

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What's got into you?

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I'm growing up. There aren't any real princesses anyway.

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Not like in the stories.

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What'd you mean?

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In books, they're nice.

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These days they've all got eating disorders and having affairs.

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That's what Mum says.

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Why is that?

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-It's called growing up.

-Cool.

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PHONE VIBRATES What's that buzzing noise?

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Ow!

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Sorry! Look, off you go, you're done.

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-Did you hear that buzzing?

-Go on. Get your school bag.

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Shirl. You OK?

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Yeah, I'm fine. Why you asking?

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No reason. So you starting the burger van up again?

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No flies on you, is there, Benjamin?

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D'you want any help?

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Nah... I reckon I've had enough help from you.

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This is something I gotta do on my own.

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OK?

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Hey, Sugar Ray?

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Hey. Been trying to text you, babe.

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Hey. Yeah, I know, I got your messages...

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and thank you for my spa weekend.

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-You're welcome, babe.

-Hey, have you seen what Denise's done to the colour of the B&B while I was away?

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What, she's trying to improve it. Listen, are you busy?

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-No.

-Only, I got a surprise for you.

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-What, another one?

-Meet me here at 11 sharp.

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Wear something comfortable.

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Comfortable?

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Mm-hm. As in, something loose.

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That's my middle name. Mm! Thank you.

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Eleven o'clock. Where's Kat?

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-Easy, Katrina?

-You all right?

-Yeah?

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Another day off? Doing something nice?

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-It's a surprise.

-Oh, is that right?

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Yeah.

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-Well, enjoy yourselves...

-Oh yeah!

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It's going to be explosive.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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You hear that? There's going to be a "bang" today.

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-See ya later!

-See you later.

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She's no princess.

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No? Then why's she got the prince?

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You're going to be late. You've already got an umbrella.

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It's back-up. It's called being prepared, Masood.

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-It's the middle of summer.

-Yeah. The Great British summer.

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Which means I'll need another scarf! Gloves!

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She's bonkers.

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Nah. She's not bonkers. She's just worried.

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About what?

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Us.

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MUSIC: "Weird Fishes" by Radiohead

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All right?

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MUSIC STOPS

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Fine, thanks.

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Any particular reason why you're standing there next to that car?

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What, this car? The 1977 Blue Daimler Sovereign 4.2 litre?

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-Yes. That one.

-I was thinking about nicking it.

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-I beg your pardon?

-It's why I'm standing here.

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Thinking about nicking this Daimler, taking it for a joy ride and then selling it for parts.

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It's the Asian in me, innit?

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Funny(!) You got a lip on you, mate.

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Two, last time I checked.

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Well, next time you check you might have a fat one,

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if you don't jog on right now.

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HE SCOFFS

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Couldn't point me in the direction of number 41, could you?

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-Jog on.

-Yeah.

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All right, Shirl?

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I know what it looks like, Jay.

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-But I'm off to start a business, not join the homeless.

-That's fine. Need a hand?

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Yeah. Open the door for me.

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There you go.

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I think we should help her.

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She don't want help.

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Yeah, making burgers.

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But she didn't say anything about advertising 'em.

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OK. So how many we got? Ten? Ten, OK.

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Brilliant. I'll be there for about one o'clock.

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Nice. I'll call you back.

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Babe, what are you wearing?

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Somethin' loose. Took ages to decide. You like it?

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< Kim!

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Sasha!

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Y-you're here...

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It's my birthday! Didn't Dad say?

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He got me the day off school.

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What are you wearing?

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What did you tell her?

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Babe, I told her to wear something loose and comfortable.

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And not to be late.

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You won't have time to get changed before we go.

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Go where?

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Make sure she gets on the train.

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Make sure she understands that you'll miss her,

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but you'll be fine.

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I'll miss her and I'll be fine.

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Yes. And she's to relax. And have fun.

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Are we are talking about the same woman?

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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-I got it. Tam's got your suitcase.

-OK.

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Mas... Long -

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What are you doing here?

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Kamil needs to have a bath at 6.30.

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And please, can you make sure that your father remembers to feed him this time?

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-We were planning on leaving him outside to be reared by wolves.

-Tamwar, I am depending on you, OK?

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Your father, he means well, but he's prone to distractions.

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-So I need you to be my...

-Spy?

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My eyes and my ears, Tamwar!

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(Spy.)

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-Are you mad?!

-A little peeved, yes!

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What are you doing here?

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What do you think? I've come to see my brother.

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Now? Without any warning?

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What do you think Zainab's going to say when she sees you?

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What Zainab always says when she sees me - "Oh, very bad man, very bad influence", yada yada yada...

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I came to see you, bruv. It's been way too long.

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What? Where are you going?

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No. There's a cafe around the corner. Wait there.

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Wait there!

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No. Follow these rules. OK?

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I knew I could count on you.

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Least it's not too many(!)

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All right?

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Who was it?

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-What?

-At the door, who was it?

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Uh... No-one. Important, I mean.

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-Shall we?

-Yeah.

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I'm taking Mum to the station.

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Nah nah. Doesn't matter... I'll do it.

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Why don't you go to work or something?

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Because I'm not working today, remember?

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Well - go and get some fresh air or...you know.

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I was. By walking Mum...

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Whoever is walking, please, can we go now?

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You will not defeat me, got that?

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I've lived through all sorts, survived too much,

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to be beaten down by a flaming griddle pan!

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Paintball?

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Yep. Me and Sasha do it every year on her birthday.

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It's a tradition.

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Whatever happened to pin the tail on the donkey?

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It's kind of like that - but with guns.

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Guns?

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Big guns!

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MUSIC ON HEADPHONES

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Are you getting anything?

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MUSIC STOPS

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-What?

-Are you getting anything?

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Since you ask so nicely...

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HE CLEARS THROAT

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Coffee.

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Haven't seen you around here before.

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Er, no. It's my first time.

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Oh. An East End virgin? How exciting.

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Welcome to the manor.

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Um...

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Thanks...?

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THEY GIGGLE

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Can I get that coffee to go, please?

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Masood! Jaldi karna! Sara din eh gaya mere paas?

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I don't want to be standing here all day.

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-Come on, then.

-Where are you going?

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Thought you might prefer the bus. Save a couple of pounds.

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Why would I want to spend an extra hour on the bus just to save two pounds!

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Come on!

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Ooh!

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-What is it?

-Nothing...

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I-I just thought I might stop for a coffee on the way back.

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That's a nice idea. I might get something for the journey myself.

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What? No! No.

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You don't want to be late...

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Two seconds ago you were said why don't I take the bus,

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now you're saying I don't have time for a takeaway coffee?

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What is wrong with you?

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Masood!

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What are you doing, Masood?

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Just getting the door for you.

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What, like I can't get the door for myself?

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Ugh.

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Oh, one coffee and one tea to take away, please.

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You all right?

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Now, it's Blues versus Blacks.

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The objective is to get to this helicopter. Inside is a package.

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Get this package to the clearly marked flag.

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What? That's it?

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Without getting shot. Two hits and you're out.

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OK, everyone. You got it?

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ALL: Yeah.

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-Got it?

-Yeah.

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All right. Everyone ready? Let's go!

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SHOUTING AND CHEERING

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Flamin', stupid, worthless... get it to work...

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BANGING AND CRASHING

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Shirley?

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I know you're in there.

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What?

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You've found yourself a hobby! Do you need a hand?

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No. I'm fine. I can handle this by myself.

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OK.

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BANGING AND CRASHING

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Jai.

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Veeru.

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THEY CHUCKLE

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THEY LAUGH AND BANTER

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-Kim?

-You OK?

-Yeah.

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All right.

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SIREN SOUNDS

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GUNFIRE

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SHE SQUEALS

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...she leans over and she goes "East End virgin? How exciting!"

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Seriously, I thought she was going to jump me there and then.

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Yeah, well, with Rose anything's possible. You had a lucky escape.

0:14:430:14:47

Yeah. We both did. What was all that about with Zainab? I know she don't like me, but...

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It wasn't you. Well, it was partly you. She was going somewhere.

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And I knew, if she saw you, she'd stay. That's all.

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And it was important for her to go?

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-Yeah.

-Why?

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Because this trip is the first time, in a long time,

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that Mum can even start thinking about being herself again.

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Who is that?

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Syed? Damn... You ain't changed a bit.

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AJ, this is Tamwar.

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Tamwar, meet my brother Amjad.

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Uncle AJ. Yeah. I've heard a lot about you.

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This is when it all starts to go awry.

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"Awry"! Big words...

0:15:260:15:28

In here, Kat.

0:15:310:15:32

Did Alfie find you?

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Didn't know he was looking.

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He's been trying to call you.

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Yeah, I left me phone...

0:15:390:15:41

Did he say what it's about?

0:15:440:15:46

Seemed a bit hacked off, though.

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Hello.

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All alone?

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-Celebrating.

-Oh yeah? What?

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I don't really know.

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Right.

0:16:080:16:09

Um, if you're not busy,

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there's someone that might be able to use our help.

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GUNFIRE

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Ha! Yeah!

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# What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! #

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SHE SCREAMS

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So, you're Uncle AJ. The black sheep of the family.

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Ooh, black sheep?

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I suppose I can cope with that. We've all got a few skeletons in our closet.

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You can say that again.

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So...why are you here?

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I wanted to see my brother, his family...

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OK. Why now?

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Circumstances...

0:17:130:17:15

No. I mean - why now? And not ever before.

0:17:150:17:18

It's not like I've had that many invitations.

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It's simple, Tamwar.

0:17:210:17:23

Your mum doesn't like me. She really doesn't like my wife.

0:17:230:17:26

-In fact, she called my wife ...

-We really don't need to go into any specifics.

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-Why does she hate him?

-Does Zainab need a reason?

0:17:300:17:32

She has her reasons, AJ.

0:17:320:17:34

We may not agree with them - but she has them.

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Basically, Tam -

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I am a bad Muslim. And I'm a bad influence on your father.

0:17:400:17:44

Your mother thinks that when we...

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get together, we, um...

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y'know, egg each other on. Get into trouble...

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Like sodium and chlorine gas being mixed.

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It's combustible.

0:17:560:17:58

Yeah...

0:17:590:18:01

Anyway, since you've arrived, Dad's lied to Mum several times over,

0:18:010:18:04

he's lied to me several times over

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and no doubt will do it again several times over before you leave.

0:18:060:18:11

So, maybe Mum had a point.

0:18:110:18:12

Why won't you just fit? Why won't you work?!

0:18:160:18:19

-Shirley?

-I can't understand this! I can't make sense of it!

0:18:190:18:23

Don't worry. Help is at hand.

0:18:240:18:27

Shirl, I used to run one of these vans in Southend back in the day.

0:18:270:18:31

Good times.

0:18:310:18:33

And?

0:18:330:18:34

We can make it work. Together.

0:18:340:18:37

AJ...?

0:18:400:18:42

Maybe the kid's got a point. Hell, he has got a point.

0:18:420:18:45

Do I?

0:18:450:18:47

Maybe I have my faults, but I always wanted to be a great uncle.

0:18:470:18:51

And I didn't want to lose my brother.

0:18:510:18:55

-You want to call it? Or shall I?

-Your coin, your call.

0:18:560:18:59

Can someone please explain what's going on here?

0:18:590:19:02

This is my lucky Sholay coin.

0:19:020:19:06

Don't tell me you've not seen Sholay!

0:19:070:19:10

-We never got round to it.

-Brother, I'm disappointed!

0:19:100:19:13

Anyway. Heads I go.

0:19:150:19:17

Tails I stay and we catch up properly.

0:19:170:19:20

Sorry, are you actually suggesting basing such an important decision on the toss of a coin?

0:19:200:19:24

Yeah.

0:19:240:19:26

That's insane.

0:19:260:19:29

-No. It's fate.

-Well...

0:19:290:19:31

Heads it is.

0:19:370:19:39

You lost something?

0:19:480:19:50

No.

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I don't know.

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Follow me.

0:19:550:19:56

GUNFIRE

0:19:590:20:01

KIM SCREAMS

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Run, Kim! Go, go!

0:20:120:20:14

KIM SCREAMS

0:20:140:20:17

KIM CONTINUES SCREAMING

0:20:240:20:27

THEY CHEER

0:20:330:20:35

I haven't even asked. How's Manchester? Aliyah?

0:20:370:20:40

Fine. Great. You know how it is...

0:20:400:20:43

Yeah.

0:20:430:20:44

How's everything been here? It's been three years.

0:20:440:20:49

How's Syed, Shabs...?

0:20:490:20:50

Fine. Great. You know how it is.

0:20:520:20:57

Tamwar's a good kid.

0:20:570:20:59

-Yeah.

-A lot of his mum in him.

0:20:590:21:01

MASOOD CHUCKLES

0:21:010:21:02

Oi! Don't say that.

0:21:020:21:03

AJ LAUGHS

0:21:030:21:05

Oh, come on! The gods are mocking us!

0:21:060:21:11

There's only one God, AJ.

0:21:110:21:13

Fine. The God is mocking us. You thinking what I'm thinking?

0:21:130:21:17

-Don't worry mate. Let me get back to you.

-Alfie, listen. I can explain...

0:21:210:21:25

-Don't worry. She already has, OK.

-I'm sorry.

0:21:250:21:27

What on earth possessed you to let her take it to school, eh?

0:21:270:21:30

The kid got into trouble. You know the rules, all right?

0:21:300:21:32

-Sorry. Won't happen again.

-Come on, young lady. Homework. Let's go.

0:21:320:21:35

Shirl's Burgers?

0:21:390:21:42

Hardly original, is it?

0:21:420:21:44

Jay's the brains of the outfit.

0:21:440:21:46

We just wanted to help ya. Not that you need any...

0:21:460:21:49

No, thanks to Andrew here. He's got experience in the business.

0:21:490:21:53

He had some good news today.

0:21:540:21:56

He's officially no longer a suspect.

0:21:560:21:59

So now the filth can concentrate on the scum that did do it.

0:21:590:22:02

Good.

0:22:020:22:04

-See ya.

-See ya later.

0:22:060:22:08

It looks good.

0:22:090:22:10

Thanks to you. Heck of a mess, weren't it?

0:22:100:22:12

I find cleaning quite satisfying, really. Good spring clean helps...

0:22:120:22:18

clear out clutter. Makes you feel lighter.

0:22:180:22:22

You're as mad as a box of frogs, you, ain't ya?

0:22:220:22:24

Where's my shopping trolley?

0:22:260:22:28

THEY SHOUT AND SING

0:22:280:22:31

I'm the king of the world!

0:22:340:22:37

Oh no!

0:22:400:22:41

Come on. Your bag!

0:22:430:22:45

THEY CONTINUE SINGING

0:22:490:22:51

Don't call me on this phone again. Ever. You got it?

0:23:000:23:02

In fact, don't call me at all. I'm done. This is done.

0:23:020:23:05

I didn't mean that, you know. I didn't mean to shoot you.

0:23:090:23:11

Let's hear it for the birthday girl! Yay!

0:23:110:23:13

I'm sorry I didn't get you anything. I didn't know.

0:23:130:23:17

Seems like we're finding more out about each other all the time.

0:23:170:23:20

-I know!

-Actually, you did get her something...

0:23:200:23:22

You know, I did, you know... My mind's going. I forgot.

0:23:240:23:27

A torch?

0:23:310:23:32

A forensic torch!

0:23:320:23:33

This'll be perfect for when I start my work experience.

0:23:330:23:37

Yeah...!

0:23:370:23:38

Is there a problem?

0:23:380:23:41

There might be.

0:23:420:23:44

I thought this was all sorted.

0:23:440:23:45

So did I.

0:23:450:23:46

Did your friend pull out?

0:23:460:23:48

He pulled out, you know. Something came up. Nothing I could...

0:23:480:23:51

But it's supposed to be happening in the next couple of weeks!

0:23:510:23:54

He can't just leave Sasha hanging like that.

0:23:540:23:56

What's his name? I'll have a word - I'll tell him how important it is.

0:23:560:24:01

He has got a name, hasn't he?

0:24:030:24:05

Yeah...yeah...

0:24:050:24:07

So what is it?

0:24:070:24:08

Grissom.

0:24:090:24:11

Like CSI...

0:24:110:24:12

All right, look, the truth is, yeah, there's no mate.

0:24:150:24:18

And I only lied because I wanted to make Sasha happy. And Sasha, I'm really sorry.

0:24:180:24:22

I'm really trying, Sasha... Sasha!

0:24:220:24:24

-No, you've done enough damage, don't you think?

-But let me explain to her!

0:24:240:24:28

-Explain what? That you lied to a 14-year-old girl. That you got her hopes up.

-I didn't lie...

0:24:280:24:33

She's been telling everyone about this at school for weeks.

0:24:330:24:36

Do you have any idea how humiliating this'll be for her?

0:24:360:24:39

What's wrong with you, Kim, man? Don't you get it?

0:24:390:24:41

I'm starting to think you never will.

0:24:410:24:44

HE SUCKS TEETH

0:24:440:24:45

But Ray, can I just explain?

0:24:450:24:48

Oh!

0:24:480:24:50

SHE SIGHS AND SUCKS TEETH

0:24:510:24:53

We are in so much trouble...

0:24:540:24:55

Victimless crime.

0:24:560:24:58

You don't know whose car that is.

0:24:580:25:00

Why, why, why does this always happen?

0:25:000:25:03

Yeah, but it was fun, wasn't it?

0:25:030:25:06

Yeah. I've missed that.

0:25:060:25:07

THEY LAUGH

0:25:070:25:09

Me too.

0:25:090:25:11

You know, it makes me wonder what happened.

0:25:110:25:14

Three years, Mas. Not one call returned.

0:25:160:25:20

You know, it's not a one way street, Amjad.

0:25:200:25:22

-You've done your own disappearing.

-I wouldn't disown you!

0:25:220:25:26

Disowned? Where'd you get that idea?

0:25:260:25:28

-Inzamam...

-What?

0:25:280:25:30

He said... He said Zainab convinced you...

0:25:300:25:33

-You know...

-Inzamam?! Why, why? He's a liar!

0:25:330:25:36

-Why would you believe anything he says?

-Because it sounds like it makes sense.

0:25:360:25:39

Because it's been three years.

0:25:390:25:41

Because it sounds like something Zainab the Pure would do...

0:25:410:25:44

Oi! That's my wife you're talking about!

0:25:440:25:46

Ow! Ow!

0:25:560:25:58

Ow!

0:25:580:26:00

THEY LAUGH

0:26:000:26:02

I've missed you, Bruv. So much it hurts.

0:26:020:26:06

Yeah. I missed you too.

0:26:060:26:07

MASOOD YELLS

0:26:070:26:09

THEY LAUGH

0:26:090:26:10

It's like Women In Love, only weirder.

0:26:130:26:17

LOUD KNOCKING AT DOOR

0:26:170:26:18

Masood!

0:26:180:26:21

Open up! Come on!

0:26:210:26:23

What now?

0:26:230:26:25

You wait here.

0:26:260:26:28

Boys.

0:26:360:26:37

There has been an incident.

0:26:370:26:40

Someone has knocked the wing mirror off my car.

0:26:400:26:43

Would you know anything about that?

0:26:430:26:45

Yes! Two Asian-looking men ran from the scene but...

0:26:450:26:48

If he speaks again, you'll both regret it.

0:26:480:26:51

Now Masood, me and you - we've never had a problem, have we?

0:26:530:26:57

And as far as I know, you're a very good man.

0:26:570:27:00

So therefore, sort it by tomorrow evening and all of this will be forgotten.

0:27:000:27:04

Yes, Derek. OK. Of course.

0:27:050:27:06

Or else.

0:27:060:27:08

Or else you'll give us a good talking to...?

0:27:080:27:10

Tomorrow evening.

0:27:130:27:14

..or else.

0:27:160:27:18

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0:27:280:27:31

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