10/07/2012 EastEnders

< VACUUM CLEANER

Gah!

SHIRLEY: # Somehow I made it through the heartache

# Yes, I did

# I escaped

# Made my way out the darkness... #

Shirley! Shirley!

-# Kept my faith... #

-HE TURNS VACUUM OFF

-Oi!

-It's 7.30. You'll wake Amy up.

She's already up. She's gone out with Roxy.

I've got to do some spring cleaning, get rid of some of this clutter.

-In July?

-Yes.

Oh, it stinks in here. Look at it, it's disgusting.

Organised chaos, innit?

Yeah, just cos Roxy got out of it don't mean to say that you can.

Either love it, use it or chuck it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

HE CHUCKLES

What you laughing at?

-Morning.

-Hiya, I got a package for you.

Yeah, hang on.

Mas. It's not that bad. I could fix it.

I think you've done enough damage as it is!

Hello? I am a mechanic.

Yeah but you are gonna need a new mirror.

It's a classic car. It needs to be done properly.

-Look at me.

-Ow!

Sorry. You know I think he let you off lightly.

-I'm not scared of Derek Branning.

-Oi. You should be.

You all right?

Ah yes, I need you to sign for this. Oh. And this.

Not one of mine. Sign there.

-There you go.

-Cheers.

Kat? Kat, you all right sweetheart?

We come down, I got him some orange juice.

I know you've been up half the night, ain't ya?

Yeah, he kept waking. I think his back teeth are coming through.

Yeah. Listen, why don't you take the rest of the day off, eh?

No, it's all right. Wanna be with you.

Wow. Did you hear that, Tommy? C'mon then.

Oh, look, we got a parcel as well, you wanna carry that for me?

C'mon then. Say "C'mon, Mummy."

Ray! Ray! Look, please, look. Please don't go, yeah.

I'm sorry, it was stupid. I was stupid.

Number one rule, Kim. No lies. Especially not to Sasha.

Phil's renting me the flat above Jack's place.

I'll grab the rest of my stuff later.

Kim, Kim. What's going on? The guests all heard you arguing!

Sasha's work experience, innit?

Well, why did you have to lie?

Why d'you think? Look.

You know what? I'll sort it. Yeah. I'll find her something.

Like living with Kim and Aggy, innit?

Do you think Shirl will ever be normal again?

I don't know, mate.

Double or quits. Heads you pay, tails I pay.

Mum, I'm fine. Dad's fine.

Kamil's fine. We're all fine.

-Where is she again?

-Shh!

What tone of voice?

-No, nothing wrong. Yep. OK, bye.

-Yep. Bye.

-See you tomorrow. OK, bye.

-Bye.

HE LAUGHS

I'm starving!

-She nearly heard him!

-Huh?

OK. He has to go. Today.

Because if Mum comes back tomorrow and finds him here, she'll kill him.

And then you. And then me.

If Derek Branning hasn't done it already.

HE SIGHS

AJ, we agreed, loser covers all costs right?

Agreed. Heads you lose?

Won't be a problem, will it?

Course it won't.

Couldn't lend me 20 quid could you just for a couple of hours?

Finished.

I don't even know what that is.

Right, well I'm going to work then.

Is that all you're chucking?

-Love or use all the rest, don't I?

-I've got to get to the burger van.

Oi. Don't pay you to work part time you know that!

-Yeah, I know, I was erm...

-He's helping me. Spring clean.

Well, you can help me spring clean. The both of you.

Listen, when you getting rid of that stock car?

Well, I haven't raced it yet.

C'mon, Ben, you know that's never gonna happen, is it.

-Only need a bit of practise.

-Give 'im a break, Phil.

Get rid of it, will ya. Today. Get whatever you can.

Knowing your luck, you'll probably only get a fiver.

SHE SIGHS

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Only me! Still OK for me to have the day off?

Yeah, Nan's got Tommy. She's taken him to the dogs.

He'll learn some interesting words when she loses.

Sorry.

Tamwar! Couldn't lend us 20 quid, could you?

20 quid? Is that so you go now and never come back?

-Well...

-Well, then no. Listen, Mum's gonna be back home tomorrow.

You can't be here when she comes back. Please.

Ta-ta.

You worry too much. It's very bad.

You should relax.

Syed? Little Syed? It's me. Your Uncle AJ.

Uncle AJ?

Last time I saw you you were this high, look at you now, huh?

All handsome and wavy hair! How are you?

Your father's told me nothing.

Yeah. Good. I got a daughter and I live with...

Well, next door to Dad.

Yeah, your mum, she must love that!

Yeah. What happened to your...?

You wanna get some ice on that.

Will you excuse us please, gentlemen.

Now I am a very patient man.

I waited for you to knock on my door all morning.

I want my car fixed.

Today.

HE BURSTS OUT LAUGHING

DEREK CHUCKLES

It's really nice that you can still physically do that...

Laugh.

Now I'm a fair man.

You have got till 4.00 to sort it.

Do we understand each other?

-Yeah.

-Good.

Thank you.

Coo-ey! We made such a good team yesterday.

I thought I'd join you again today!

Well, you really don't have to.

Oh, I want to!

You know, you really shouldn't do that in here.

Fire, and health and safety.

'Scuse me.

There. It's going to be such fun!

Right.

-Only needed a bit of practice.

-Only a bit?

Yeah, just get the hang of it.

Listen, if you went on a race track, you'd be dead.

And so would half the other drivers.

Why have you got to be like that, Jay?

You and Dad, you're both the same, ain't ya?

I ain't that bad!

Look. Listen, soppy.

Maybe it's not such a bad thing us getting rid of this car.

Ain't done us any good, has it? Think about that for five minutes.

There's a number of times I've tried to impress Dad.

It's just embarrassing now.

Just wanted one more go at it, that's all.

Here, Kat...

Tell you what, mate, why don't we just call it a straight two quid.

-Is that all right?

-Cheers.

-Cheers, buddy.

Landlord?

All right, mate, it's Alfie Moon.

Amjad Jahangir Ahmed.

-Bit of a mouthful. Call me AJ.

-All right, AJ.

-I've got a proposition for you.

-Oh, yeah?

If I make these matches disappear, how about you give me a free drink?

Yeah, go on then.

HE BEATBOXES

THE MATCHES RATTLE

Just checking. Forgot myself then.

ALFIE LAUGHS

So where are they, the matches?

Oh, well, let's see. There.

THE BOX IS SILENT

Well done. Good stuff.

Pint of lager please, Alfie.

Coming up.

-I've gotta sort it out, Kat.

-What, for Sasha?

No, for Ray. If I want to keep my Raymondo,

I've gotta get that girl two weeks work experience!

You've really got it bad, ain't ya?

It's Sasha too, you know. I like her.

I'm not being funny or anything, but, she's not like a normal girl.

I mean, blood and gore, that's all she's interested in.

I dunno what I'm gonna do, you know.

Hello, darlin, you all right?

Mrs Moon. I'm here later as a guest.

Just wanted to check... The mix up. About your cousin. Very awkward.

-Are we...?

-Yeah, course, I've forgotten all about it.

Good, good. Many thanks. I'll see you at 3.00.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

-Here, ain't that that funeral bloke?

-Yeah.

-What's he doing here?

Some old bloke from the market, it's his wake.

-What? At the Vic?

-Where else, you dozy mare?

How about I give you a second chance? Make it more interesting.

Tenner says you can't find the matches.

Go on then, AJ. Tenner it is.

HE BEATBOXES

So where are they? The matches?

Where are the matches, let me think.

C'mon, I need to concentrate, all right.

The matches are there. There you go, AJ.

Never try and kid a kidder, all right, buddy. Thank you.

THEY LAUGH

-Ah, well. You're good.

-Thank you.

-Very good.

You ever heard of a bloke called Derek Branning?

AJ, listen. Do yourself a favour, all right, buddy.

Never ever try and scam Derek Branning. Never. Excuse me.

Yes, mate, what can I get you?

I could do this every day, you know.

Working in the fresh air.

Well, I'd hardly call it fresh.

We could be permanent. You and me.

We'd be like the Hairy Bikers!

SHE GIGGLES

Only not so hairy. And certainly not on bikes!

Yeah, well, don't get carried away, it's only been two days.

Course. It's just the right thing for you, this. Keeping you busy.

This time of life, it's not easy.

I just want you to know that I'll be with you every step of the way.

Now. I've had some ideas about some themed recipes...

It's Tuesday, innit? I got to be somewhere.

Oh. Well, I'll look after the...

Andrew? I've got a proposition for you.

How much you asking for it?

450 or 400 in cash.

How she run? Last one I got didn't make it out the garage.

Well, this is an absolute legend, my friend, and it runs like a dream.

-Yeah? I ain't never heard of it.

-Well, come see for yourself, we're taking it out later.

Course you ain't the only bloke who's interested.

Got a fella coming down this evening.

Call me. Let me see it in action.

I will do. Thank you.

What d'you say that for?

What? Well, he wants to see it run and you want another go, didn't ya?

Me?

Yeah, why not?

Hello, it's Jay.

Yeah, you got the recovery truck free?

Can I help you?

Uh...

Was wondering if you had any...

Sticky toffee pudding?

Sticky? Um...

Well, I'll just check out back for you.

This ain't a library y'know, dear!

Hey! You! Stop!

What? What's going...?

She grabbed them soon as you went.

I knew it! She had a dodgy look in her eye.

-Oh, thank you.

-Happy to help.

-Hey. Come in here. C'mon.

-Eh?

I want you to take this.

-Nah!

-It's a thank you. A reward.

I respect that. Getting involved.

There's not many people gonna do that.

Too scared what's going to happen to them.

What kind of world would we live in if everyone was like that, eh?

Exactly. I'm very lucky to have CCTV.

It was me.

HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to you.

Why else would a beautiful woman talk to a man with one of these, eh?

An' I got this fella threatening me. S'making my head go funny...

Beautiful?

Totally out of my league. Three leagues ahead.

-Premier League.

-Yeah?

HE SIGHS

So...who is this fella then?

Local bloke. Derek Branning?

-You sold it?

-We found a bloke who's interested.

He wants to see it in action.

Oh, what, and you thought you'd show him?

Phil know about this?

Good, cos he'd kill ya.

You got room for one more?

-I ain't half missed this, ain't you?

-Yeah.

HORN BEEPS

< C'mon!

Hey. What're you doing here? You're not invited.

Look, I'm here for Sasha, innit.

-You see him?

-Mmm.

Know who he is? Work experience.

Kim, you can't. If Ray finds you here, you know he's gonna...

I'm doing it for Ray! And Sasha! Obviously!

Listen, Ray is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I gotta sort this out.

Sausage, darlin'?

Ray, I'll take that.

-You sure, mate? I can...

-Yeah. I got it, I got it.

Listen, you couldn't cover for ten minutes, could ya?

Just, I got to get to the market.

No problem at all, man, you take as long as you want. OK?

I miss Walt so much.

Never been the same round here without him.

You remember him? I'm surprised you were even born when he left.

Was his biggest regret, leaving Walford.

I wonder if I could have a word with you about a young lady, I know.

She's got an interest in your profession.

Sy.

Look, I'm sorry, but I've met your uncle...

Yeah! We met! Me and Christian. Your l...

I can't say it.

I can't say the word, Syed. Your...

Look. Uncle AJ. I'm not going to apologise for it.

I should have told you. I'm gay.

Me too.

THEY LAUGH

Gotcha! I thought I was the bad Muslim!

What about your mum? She must have gone mental!

Well, yes...

Until she realised what a gorgeous couple you both are.

Boys.

Listen.

Any chance you can lend me 200 quid. Just for today?

Ben. C'mon. You both got to have a go.

You go first.

I don't mind. It don't matter.

Course it does! This could be your last chance to drive it,

the pair of you. C'mon, after three.

One. Two.

-THE ENGINE REVS

-Three!

Pretty good at this, ain't he?

TYRES SCREECH

I reckon you ain't gonna do too bad either.

I promise Sasha won't let you down.

It's a good thing that we met, isn't it?

It's like Alfred, I mean Walt, brought us together.

No doubt he did! You send Sasha to me.

It'll be a pleasure.

Thank you very much. I will be in touch.

I didn't know you knew the guy.

I didn't. I just did what I had to do.

Work experience is sorted! She's doing it with him.

Hold on. So...you gatecrashed a wake?

Is everything a joke to you?

No. Actually. I took this very seriously.

-I thought you'd be pleased!

-What?

-Well let's ask Sasha what she thinks. Sasha!

-What?

Two weeks work experience with the busiest undertaker in East London?

No way! Awesome! That would be amazing!

You can thank me an' Mr Coker!

Thank you, Kim!

That's all right, my love. I knew you would like it.

High five. Yeah. What you having? Orange juice?

Yes, please.

Alfie. Shenice's at Bobby's. Did you wanna slip off for an hour?

Just you and me.

Yeah! Lovely. Yeah. C'mon.

What was my time?

Better than his.

Go on, how rubbish was I then?

Mate, you absolutely smashed it.

What? I beat you?

Really?

You're the winner.

Well done, champ.

Cheers, Jay.

400 we said, right?

420 and we got a deal.

You done a good job. Shame about that business yesterday.

If you hadn't taken the Michael I might've quite liked you.

Bit late for that though, ain't it? Hmm.

Shame

Alfie? Tracey said she'll be fine for an hour.

All right, sweetheart, Shenice had a bit of a fall out with Bobby

so, I said we'd watch a film together.

Yes, that's right, don't do that to me.

Don't you do that to me. Ohhh!

Hello, Mummy. Hello, Mummy.

Kisses. Where's my kisses?

You and me. Are we...

OK?

Look I know I can be a bit... You know.

But that's just me though, innit? And you? You're...

I don't wanna mess things up, that's all I'm saying.

You are something else, you know that, Kimberley Fox?

And is that a good thing?

But you know you got some serious making up to do tomorrow.

SHE GIGGLES AND PURRS

THEY LAUGH

So it's all fine then?

Yep, yep. Well... Car's sorted so.

I've been terrified all day. I mean.

Oooh...Derek Branning.

HE TUTS

Zainab's not back until tomorrow. Why don't I stay?

We can celebrate? Heads I go.

Tails I stay, we party!

I don't need to toss a coin to answer that.

Partaaay!

THEY LAUGH

Hey, your uncle's staying another night!

No! No that's not really a good idea, is it?

We need pizza. This is a lads night. Nobody goes in the kitchen!

Pizza!

Oh, and call Syed, my favourite oldest nephew

and Christian, of course!

Mas? Beer!

You having a glass?

Tamwar, my favourite middle nephew?

No. Thanks.

HE CHUCKLES

Such a good Muslim! Ah well, more for me!

Yeah, thick crust.

You know, where you put the cheese on the outside.

-Bacon.

-Yeah. Chillies.

-Pepperoni.

-Extra chillies.

What's that? What's that? Look. Funny.

HE LAUGHS

That's a funny man on the telly.

Where you going? Get up here.

Aww, it's your favourite programme, look!

-Aw, this is my favourite bit.

-Kat, hurry up, love, you're missing it.

Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.

It's me.

SONG: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

-Thanks, babe.

-I'm supposed to be at work now.

Well, go. We'll keep an eye on them.

Why have I never met this guy before?

DOOR CLOSES

What the hell is going on in here? Tamwar?

Now it makes sense.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Sold the stock car.

Yeah? How much you get? Tenner?

420!

Ben sold it to a bloke all by himself, didn't you, mate?

I tell you what. 200 quid each.

Thanks a lot. I'm gonna go and put mine somewhere safe.

Yeah, yeah. Put mine in my tin.

You done well, son.

I sold the burger van an' all. To Andrew.

He seems to like it. Jean, she was getting on my wick.

How much you get?

Fiver.

SHE LAUGHS

A fiver?!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd