23/07/2012 EastEnders

This programme contains scenes of He's cutting it a bit fine, though,

Let's not write him off just yet, More of a skirmish.

A bit of an embarrassment, more like.

I'm sorry, boys. This is all my fault, isn't it?

ALL: Yes!

Anyway, mate, is there any chance of maybe overlooking it?

There could be a few free pints in it for you.

We ain't going anywhere, are we?

'The signal's now on red. I've got to wait until we're given permission to proceed.'

And how long's that going to be?

'Could be five minutes. Could be three hours.'

I don't believe this!

Sorry, that was Billy. Billy Mitchell.

You may have heard of him. Cos in about, um...

20 minutes!

In about 20 minutes, see, he's going to be running down Bridge Street waving a torch.

Now, if he doesn't make it...

Well, to be honest with you, mate, might as well just cancel the Olympics.

Yeah. So why don't you stop spoiling things for everyone and get this train moving?!

INTERCOM CLICKS

Yeah, well done, Billy(!) That's done it.

Well done, Billy.

Bravo.

SHE GASPS AND MOANS

You ain't at the poxy zoo.

What shall we do? Make it stop!

D'you know what? I don't think that bruiser's waiting for anyone.

She's waited nine months. Another half hour won't hurt her.

It's just a bit of belly-ache. I'll be all right in a minute.

I'm going phone an ambulance. No, you can't!

Listen, listen, bruv, just do it, yeah?

You don't know what they're like, Fats.

They all stick together, don't they? Social workers. Hospital. The Old Bill.

This is the second time I've missed my curfew. They'll take her.

You just let 'em try. Don't phone an ambulance. All right?

But we can't do it on our own. Who says?

D'you know what? It's like them giblets, innit?

You just gotta grab hold and just pull.

I'm going to go get some blankets. All right. What shall I do?

Boil some water. Right. We're having ourselves a baby.

All right, all right, cool.

I think Denise might have seen our little exchange back then.

Anything to get Joy off the scent.

Why? What did you think it was? The same.

Who cares what she saw? We're friends, aren't we?

Absolutely. That's settled then.

Unless... Unless what?

Oi!

It's an emergency. I'll pay you later.

Not on my watch you won't.

I told you it was just a bit of belly-ache.

Just take a sip of that, all right.

Here you are, I've got 'em. What do we need 'em for, anyway?

I don't know. They use em in the films and that, don't they?

Nicking out a charity shop.

Oh, here we go. We're back to this again? False alarm, everybody.

This ain't some wind-up, Cora. Her waters have broken, and everything.

Yeah, all over Derek Branning's car, as well.

I want to be out there watching my pops.

How far between contractions? About three minutes.

Sort those blankets out.

Please tell me what I can do to make this stop?

It don't work like that, darling.

Pops has been waiting his whole life for today.

I'm sure Billy will understand.

So let's get you relaxed, eh?

No, no, it's not coming out. I'll cross my legs if I have to.

Mum's worried about you.

Well, I've already told her. We're doing just fine. Aren't we, Bobby?

Just fine. I'm looking for an Ian Beale.

Never heard of him.

He owns the cafe across the Square, doesn't he?

Yeah. Yeah, well, he comes and goes. You know how it is.

When did you last see him? Couldn't tell you.

If you happen to bump into him... Which I won't.

Ah. There she is. My sister from another mother.

I'm sorry?

Leave it out, Kim.

I always fancied having a sister I could swap clothes with.

You know? I'm High Street and Dee's more Bridge Street.

What's she on about?

You'll just have to ignore her, Tanya. She's been on the Olympic punch since breakfast.

You just couldn't help yourself, could you?

Are you talking to me?

Making out you were doing it for Jane.

You know what? If Bobby gets taken away, I'm holding you responsible.

What did I do?

Oi, has anyone see Billy?

Not since he left for the match.

Finally a Mitchell to be proud of, and he goes and messes it up.

They're screaming blue murder for him down at the starting point.

Rox! Give us a hand with some stuff, will you?

Is Alfie back yet? If he was, I wouldn't be lugging around 30 jars of Woo Woo, would I?

Get Mo to do it.

Kat's asked her to keep an eye on Tommy.

Come on, I'm here to enjoy myself.

Thought you're supposed to be Alfie's mate? Yeah, course I am.

So what's the problem?

You know what? I think it's got something to do with Kat.

Why do you say that?

Well, one minute she's doing a double shift,

and the next thing you know, her name's scribbled off the rota. With a felt-tip pen.

All right! Why don't you just get back to doing whatever it is you're doing!

Wash my face, quick splash of aftershave, quick rub under my pits...

Going to be one minute. Tracksuit and trainers on...

That'll be two minutes, tops. Last check of me barnet. Keys, camera, ID...

And here he comes. Ready on the outside.

And it's our little hero, Billy Mitchell.

And oh, my goodness, he's fallen at the last.

Funny(!)

Whitney's going to kill me. We're supposed to have shepherd's pie for dinner.

You sap. What? We always have Shepherd's pie on a Monday.

Walford's answer to George Best.

Come on lads, leave the boy alone. He's gone all domesticated now, ain't you?

Warms the cockles of my heart, that does.

Yeah, you would say that.

Meaning what, exactly?

Come on, Alf. We all know who wears the trousers in your house.

Oh, very funny. Well, I love the girl, don't I?

That might be an alien concept to some of you lot, all right,

but she happens to be the Ying to my Yang. All right?

Don't tell me you've never been tempted? All those years, all that talent behind the bar...

Don't judge us by your own standards, Maxwell.

Go on. You've got Kim. What?

Roxy. I reckon Tracey's a bit of goer.

I can vouch for that.

THEY ALL CHEER

Come on, Alfie. Surely one of them's caught your eye?

I reckon it's Roxy.

Nah, me and Roxy, we're just mates.

I've seen the two of you together. There's chemistry.

Yeah. Circling round each other like a couple of randy hippos.

Could've been something there. But some married bloke messed with her head...

so I was just there for her when she needed me. I was a shoulder to cry on.

Just a moment. That's all. It was nothing.

'Ere mate, how much longer you going to keep us waiting?

I'm losing the will to live here.

What about you, Billy boy? Who keeps your bed warm at night?

Billy's got a little thing for our Jean.

That's nice. That's lovely, eh? Two gentle souls finding comfort in each other's arms.

Oi! I ain't interested in Jean, all right?

Look, look. Look how red you've gone!

I used to be married to a model, don't forget! As if I'd interested in going with Jean!

Oi, oi!

THEY ALL CHEER

SHE GASPS AND MOANS

You're barred.

Mate, she ain't going nowhere, all right?

Why? What's wrong with her?

It's your filthy chicken.

It's the baby, ain't it, you muppet!

Now, I'm going to have to take a look down below.

What, down there?

She ain't coming out any other way.

I don't even know you. I can't have you rummaging round my bits.

Believe me, darling, there's plenty of other things I'd rather be doing on a Monday.

Gentlemen?

Right. Sorry.

I was with Heather, you know? Yeah, man, while she was shouting out George Michael's back catalogue,

I was helping myself to gas and air.

It makes you think - how fragile life can be.

Jay? Come over here and hold her hand.

Why hasn't she come out yet?

Because she wants to make you work for it.

That's it. I don't want it. Someone else can have her for me.

Just keep breathing.

You need to face up to your responsibilities, son.

No, no, no, we ain't together.

Knocked her up behind my granddaughter's back, did you?

Listen, Cora, we ain't together.

You think I'd be that desperate?

Jay! Don't leave me, Jay. Don't leave me.

What was all that about?

Some guy's sniffing around. Looked a bit official - like a social worker.

What, and you think I called him? Lucy, I'm on your side.

Well, Zainab reckons I can't cope. So why would you be any different?

Cos I know you're trying to do your best for Bobby.

What are you going to say to Jane?

There's no need to worry her, is there, while she's in Florida.

Look, darling, when I was ill, you know, I shut myself off from the rest of the world.

At first I didn't want any help...

We don't need any help. I just want things to go back to how they used to be.

OK. Fine. Well, let's just find out who this man is, shall we, and leave it at that.

No, you can't go in there...

This is the life, eh? No blokes hanging about, getting under your feet.

Where do you reckon they've got to?

Who cares? Let's just enjoy it.

Here, you got any of that Woo Woo going spare?

Yeah. Come on, fill your boots.

I love the Olympics, me. Especially those divers in their tight trunks.

I represented the county once, in the shot putt. 16 and under.

Kim, she was as wide as she was short.

So these torchbearers, right,they're supposed to be inspirational people from the community, yeah?

So why did they choose Billy Mitchell?

Admin error, I expect.

You can knock Billy all you like, but he's been a good dad to them kids.

Listen, he ain't running anywhere if he doesn't get here soon.

How long's he got?

Ten minutes.

You reckon they're in some sort of bother?

What, with Alfie in charge?

This was supposed to be my special day. I know.

Something to tell the family about after a bit of a Sunday lunch.

"What did you do during the 2012 Olympics, Pops?"

I spent the whole time in Pentonville Prison.

Calm down, calm down. Listen, Officer, it was just a scuffle, you know? No bones broken.

This man here, right, this man is solely responsible for bringing the Olympic torch to Walford.

Now, are you going to deprive the great residents, our community,

the opportunity to witness a one-off event? Eh?

Can I take your name, please, sir?

Alfie, why don't you let me sort it?

I think you've done enough already, ain't you, mate?

Oi! Oi!

Go be a hero. Go. Go on.

Sorry.

'Scuse.

'Scuse.

No, no, no...

Keys, keys...

Lola! Lola, are you in there? Open up, please!

Lo!

Pick up, pick up, pick up!

No, don't answer it.

He should be here.

Not until he's lit the torch.

Can't you keep her quiet?

I swear I'm going to come over there and lamp you in a second.

Don't be put off, ladies and gents.

Tell you what - barbecue bucket, only four quid for the next hour. Yeah?

I never nicked that tiger, you know?

I think we've got bigger things to worry about.

And I'm really, really sorry about the display.

Me and Bobby, we're fine. I just let things slip a little.

Yeah. Sometimes I forget you and Lauren aren't kids any more.

Just promise me, if anything else... If you need...

All right, I'm going!

KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Do you want me to get that?

What if they try and take him?

That's not going to happen.

Mrs Beale?

That's right.

I'm looking for your husband.

He's taken himself off to Cornwall for a few days. On family business. Sorry.

Not so fast, Mrs Beale.

Morgan did Billy in show-and-tell.

Yeah, been banging on about it for weeks.

I made him this sticker.

Did you? Lovely.

I'd keep hold of that, if I were you.

How did you get on?

Not even a quick flash of Mount Olympus did the trick.

So what did they say?

Billy's got seven minutes. What if he doesn't make it?

They got some bloke with a retriever on standby.

Hev would have loved today. OK. This is a celebration, remember?

So come on. Who's up for sponsoring our Shirl for her charity abseil?

You're one brave girl, you know, Shirley.

Stupid, more like.

You said it. Zainab...

What!? The last time someone was up on that roof they fell to their death.

The boys are coming!

Get the banner, get the banner! Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Outside or inside? Out here, yeah. Quick, quick, quick! That's it, that's it...

You got it?

Guys!

Guys?

Round, round, round! It's like the boys coming home from the battlefield, ain't it?

There he is. There's my GI.

Well? Don't keep us all in suspense!

Where'd you two get to?

Well, I caught this one trying to make a swift getaway through the emergency exit.

Think you'll find that's the opposite. But I stopped himand told him to buy you lot a drink.

Oh, there he is. The deserter.

Sorry, boys. Mix up with my steak and kidneys.

Girls, you ain't seen Kat anywhere, have you?

Yeah, she said she had to be somewhere. Left us holding the fort.

Did she say where?

No. Sorry, no-one's seen her.

Here, you checked for 666 on that kid's head? Three hours it's took me to get him off to sleep.

Oh, shut up.

Right. I'm done in. I'm going to make a move, I think.

Yeah, think I'm going to, you know, go and check the gym out.

Seeing as though the kitchen's closed, I'm going to shoot off.

Derek, have a word with everyone, will you? You can't leave Bill in his hour of need, can you?

After that shambolic display this afternoon? You're lucky we're not staging a coup, Alfred.

Billy! Where the hell have you been? Has anyone seen Lola?

I heard there was a bit of trouble with Cora earlier.

You reckon she's been nicked again? So let me get this straight, right?

I've been sacked and my grandaughter's been nicked...

Where's Honey?

Oh, this is just perfect, innit?

I've got me two kids stuck at home watching me on the box.

I've got the Old Bill on my case and I can't even get into me poxy flat.

Is there anything else I've missed off?

Two failed marriages, for a start.

LAUGHTER

Billy, I can help you with one of those.

Cos left abandoned and unloved on the bench this evening. There you go, your key.

Alfie...that ain't mine.

If it's not yours... who's lost a key?

Five minutes, Bill.

HE SIGHS

OK. Here's the plan. We're going to have one more in here

and then we're going to go outside, line the streets and support Billy. All right?

Someone's not going home tonight. OK, what we having? Come on.

Right, well, he's not here. So there's not much we can do about that.

If you're not prepared to pay me in full, I'll just have to recover goods to the same value.

Who's he?

He's just a friend of Dad's, that's all. Go upstairs.

How about we pay off a little bit of the debt now, eh?

How much you got, Lucy?

Just a twenty.

20 - there you go. And...5 That's 25.

Oh, come on, it's better than a slap in the face, innit?

You've got 48 hours.

LOLA GROANS AND SOBS

Is it meant to hurt like that?

This is just the start, son.

I'm just going to step out...

Now, fellas, I want you to take her under the arms. Hold her up.

OK. Over there? OK, come on.

Now, after the next contraction, I want you to pant

and I don't want you to push until I tell you to. All right?

HE PANTS LOUDLY

I'm talking to the mother!

I can't do it.

Course you can.

I can't even look after myself. How am I going to look after a baby?

Maybe she's better off with someone else.

Now you listen to me. Don't you ever let anyone else tell you what to do. You hear me?

You're going to love this baby and you're going fight for her with every bone in your body.

I want my Pops.

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 73 seconds

Oh, you are having a laugh.

Nice one, Pops(!)

CHEERING

Here we go.

Come on, everybody, get your Olympic-sized drinks,

courtesy of the Queen Victoria -official sponsors of the 2012 Games.

Alfie...

And here to help me is my beautiful assistant, Roxanne Mitchell, goldmedallist in the egg-and-spoon race.

Oh, Alfie, I've missed this. Me too, Peroxide.

Alfie? Oh, hello, darling. Roxanne was just giving us a hand, that's all.

I can see that. I'll go Alfie, it's fine.

You stay and play happy families, darling. I'm here for fun.

Bill! What are you doing? You're supposed to be on George Street.

I thought Lola would have shown her face.

Billy, how long have you been waiting to do this, eh?

Come on, get down to that starting line and do Walford proud.

Go on, Billy, go, go, go!

THEY ALL CHEER

All right? So, where did you get off to, then?

Just a wild-goose chase. Nothing worth losing sleep over.

What you gawping at? It's supposed to be a party, ain't it?

Aren't you going to join me?

SHE GROANS LOUDLY

I can't do it. Not with them staring at me.

Right, everybody out, now! I'll go and get Billy.

Right behind you, bruv.

No, you can't!

Not until he's done with the torch.

Just bring him here. Come on, darling, breathe!

One foot in front of the other. Think you can manage that, will you?

It's only a hundred metres, Phil. How hard can it be?

This is Billy we're talking about.

Hey, Billy, I bet Janet and William are watching you on the telly.

Ain't the same, though, is it?

Billy! Billy!

Any chance of a picture with the torchbearer?

Strictly speaking, I should wait for the official photographer,

but seeing as we're neighbours...

I still don't understand why they chose you to represent us.

Zainab!

Come on, look at me. Former manageress of the post office. Esteemed member of the community

Twice divorced, serial bride, checkout girl. The list goes on!

You all set? I think so.

Vaseline? Check.

Matches? I think they take care of that one, Phil.

Billy. Billy, it's time!

CHEERING

You never know, Billy, she might surprise you.

Hey! You all right?

Hiya. Hiya. OK, guys. Just like that, please.

Hold them like that. Smile at the camera.

CHEERING

OK, Billy, if you could just hold it there for a second, please

If you could stand to one side, please.

Right, that's it. Are you ready, Billy? I'm ready. Let's go.

Let's go.

SHOUTING AND CHEERING

Billy! Billy!

Billy! Billy!

I'm a bit busy here, Patrick!

It's important.

And so is this.

Our very own Olympic hero, Billy Mitchell.

Go on, Billy, one last push, Billy. One last push. Go on.

Billy!

Come on, Billy!

Not far now, Bill.

Hiya. If you could hold this higher for me, please.

Smile for the camera.

If you could hold that to the side for me, please.

Good luck, darling.

Let's do it. Enjoy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Billy Mitchell. 39, single and open to offers.

Billy! There's someone here who wants to congratulate you.

Don't lose that!

Three trains, two buses and a quick sprint down the dual carriageway!

You did all that for me?

It's your special day, isn't it?

Thanks, Jean.

Billy!

It's Lola.

What's she done now?

She's about to drop, bruv!

I'm 72 years old. Do I look like a security threat to you?

I wouldn't put it past you.

Did you see him? Did you see my Pops?

Yeah, man. He was as proud as punch.

Come on, darling, now you gotta push.

I can't do it. Not without my Pops.

You don't have to.

He's right here.

All right, all right.

Not so tight, darling. This hand's famous now, ain't it?

Now, I want you to give me a big push.

That's the head.

Now, listen, at the next contraction, I want you to give me the biggest push. OK?

SHE SCREAMS

You clever girl. You're such a clever girl for me.

You are such a clever girl. I am so, so proud of you.

Where is she? Where is she? She's here. Is she all right?

See for yourself.

BABY CRIES

She's beautiful.

Well done, Lo.