06/08/2012 EastEnders

HE COUGHS

Not you, him.

A little birdie tells me you're taking my daughter out again this afternoon.

Who told you that?

-Oh why? Is it supposed to be a secret?

-No...

-Oh lovely! There you are, eh?

-Have a look, it's Usain Bolt.

What happened right? I texted, yeah? I said we'll meet outside the Vic

-for a bit of exercise. What happened?

-He was the only one who turned up!

-If you don't mind, I'm talking to the lads.

-You can barely talk at all!

-You're either in the team...

-If you can call it a team.

-...or you're not.

-Not.

-What?

-Alfie. Three games, three defeats....

-Yeah, hold on.

-If Andrew can make the effort, you guys can.

-He needs the exercise.

-What's he saying?

-Woah, stop!

-This is a nice way to build team spirit!

-Listen, all right we'll talk about it later.

-I don't think so.

No? All right then, let's talk about it now then, yeah?

No, I don't think so. Because me and Anthony

were in the middle of a conversation. So you can jog on. Literally.

All right. Later. We'll definitely talk later. Come on, let's go.

HE LAUGHS

You were saying?

-Was I?

-About Alice?

Oh, yeah. What about her?

-How we don't want a repeat of what happened the last time?

-Probably not.

Certainly not!

See you later.

HE MIMICS GUNSHOT

-I'm all right. I've got it.

-You all right?

-Yeah, I've got it.

I'm good. I'm good. OK, OK that's good.

Call that a day now. That's lovely. We're done here.

I thought we was going to pump some iron down the gym?

I tell you what, let's just

save that for another day. You don't want to overdo it, do you?

-So listen, don't forget, do your stretching exercises, yeah?

-All right.

-Catch you later. Good lad. Catch you later.

-Alfie.

-What?

-Tell me, how can you use the words 'fun' and 'family'

-in the same sentence?

-I know! So anyway, how's the sponsorship going?

-I'm not worried about that.

-Shirley, come on,

you've got to feel the fear and just go for it. How's Ben taken it?

Taken what?

-You know, Ian being back?

-What, from Devon?

What? You don't know?

It's pretty boring, innit?

What about you, Ian?

Maybe you should get that seen to, Ian?

How about we fix you up with a doctor?

Ian?

I'll be back in a sec, all right?

Who you ringing?

-I'm going to call the doctor.

-What? No, hang on!

-Babe, he needs help, don't he?

-And have him end up on a mental ward?

Plus he stinks.

He's had a shower.

-No he hasn't, he stinks.

-Tan, we're out of our depth, aren't we?

What, you're not worried about him? Cos I am.

Plus me and Oscar want our front room back, don't we?

Course I'm worried about him, I've suggested to Lauren that she speak to Lucy.

Lucy? We know what Lucy thinks.

She's had a night to sleep on it, hasn't she? He's her dad after all.

I'd really rather not, Mum.

Please, she'll listen to you.

-Sleeping rough?

-All that stuff

about going to see Peter was a pack of lies. Lucy knew it all along.

He looks like a right dosser, apparently.

So, where's he now?

Max and Tanya's. Alfie said Lucy wouldn't let him in the door.

Well?

-Well what?

-He's your brother, Ben. When are you going to see him?

I will. I will in a bit.

-What, you want me to come with you?

-No...

Give me five minutes, all right?

All right! Don't leave it too long!

You seen them sponsorship forms?

Dad.

Three guesses what you're here for.

Did your dad send you?

Better come in, then.

You can't go. I forbid you.

Work to do, sweetheart, sorry.

Oh. But how many mornings do we get alone together?

-A woman's got needs, you know.

-And a man has limitations.

-What you doing at this time in the morning?

-Wholesaler's.

Just save it up for me, yeah? Laters.

Oh! Really?

Oh, Ray!

Hm!

SHE SIGHS

Uh!

Me and Bobby are doing just fine.

We really don't need this.

Where is Bobby?

At a sleepover.

Thought it would be best to keep him away.

And he doesn't want to see his dad?

I didn't ask anyone to take Dad in, did I?

So you'd rather see him back on the streets, would you?

You've had him for one night and you're already sick of him.

I've had him for a whole lifetime.

Lucy, but you don't mean that.

Morning.

You all right?

Lauren is trying to persuade me to take Dad back.

And what have you said?

I've told her I don't want to.

So what else is there to discuss?

Hiya.

What you doing back? I thought you'd be at least another hour.

Can you believe it, I went running this morning, the only one that turned up was Andrew.

Kat, I don't know why I bother half the time, sweetheart.

-You know what your problem is, don't you?

-What?

-You care too much.

-Hm.

-Hello?

-Oh!

-Up here.

Here he is.

Eh?

-Hey.

-Oh, well done, there you are!

-Sorry?

-Oh, don't give it all the innocent "I'm sorry" bit.

Raymond, I texted everybody about running this morning. What happened?

Look, sorry, mate, phone must have been switched off, mate.

Nightmare. Anyway, how did you get in?

-I got him a key cut.

-What for?

Seemed daft not to, what with him coming and going all the time.

-Bit early, aren't you?

-I needed to get prep out of the way. I got stuff to do later.

That makes sense. You're all right for running tomorrow though, yeah? Training? Come on.

-Actually, Alfie, mate...

-Oh! Don't.

Ray, I feel a bit let down here, buddy.

I mean, you're the only decent player we've got.

How've I got myself into this mess again?

It's not like she's bad-looking.

Ty, she could look like flamin' Tulisa for all I care,

but the fact is she's got Derek Branning as a father.

I just know how it's going to go.

I take her out, you know.

Try and make a clean getaway.

She gives me the old puppy dog eyes and I've got to kiss her, ain't I?

Next thing you know, I'm at the altar with Derek with a shotgun at my back.

-Listen, you're going about this all the wrong way.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yes, you're assuming she's going to like you.

-What?

Well, look, I know it's a big ask, Romeo,

but you gotta bring out the inner minger.

Here, I've been looking for you all over!

Oi, that's Zainab's.

Listen, I've got to talk to you. I've got some amazing news. Come on.

Joey stayed over?

Hm. He's virtually living there.

Oh right, well, yeah, that explains a few things.

That is... No. That is not on at all.

Oh, Mum, please don't.

There's a cup of coffee I made for Ian there.

Take it through to him, will you?

Do I have to?

And when you've done that, will you peg the washing out the back?

TV PLAYS

My mum's just gone out, so she's made you a cup of coffee.

I'll just leave it here, then, shall I?

So Ray's looking for a new flat?

Yeah.

So what?

For us! He wants me to move in with him!

And why hasn't he mentioned it?

Cos it's a surprise, innit!

You see - don't you get it?

All the sneaking around, the phone calls.

I mean, how romantic is that?

Not very.

So why else would he be doing it?

All right, OK?

Let's assume that you're right

and Ray is looking for this bigger place for the three of you.

-Yep.

-Who's going to look after the B&B? Mm?

-Like things weren't bad enough in there this morning?

-We'll work out a rota.

No. No, Kim. That was not the agreement.

Why is it so hard for you to be happy for me, huh?

What is so hard about that?

I'm going to have to get a new cake for Zainab now.

Listen, this is something that I really want.

Please don't spoil it for me.

Just don't say anything, Kim.

If the man wants to surprise you, just let him.

Right. Love ya.

Oh, Lucy, it's not a question of what you want,

it's a question of duty.

Oh, please.

I wasn't talking to you.

If we're talking about duty, where's he been for the last two months?

And where was his duty to Bobby? Or to me?

Yeah, all right I get that. I do.

I understand, but the man's had a breakdown, Lucy.

And I know you're hurting right now,

but you need to try and see past that.

I think Lucy's made her feelings pretty plain.

-I know where you're coming from.

-You what?

Well, you got a nice little set up, here, eh?

This has nothing to do with Joey.

Dad chose Mandy over me, remember.

Just trust me on this, Lucy. One day you'll regret it.

Oh, come on, he hasn't got a stitch to wear.

So I'll get him something.

-You wait till you're a parent.

-I don't want to be a parent.

Well, maybe that's just as well.

-So where is he now?

-Max Branning's according to Shirley.

-Where's she?

I dunno. Doing some sponsorship thing? I dunno, Dad.

All right, all right. Now is not the time to lose it, yeah?

We hold it together. We don't even tell Jay.

We just act normal until we find some way of shutting him up.

And how do we do that?

DOOR OPENS

What are you doing back here?

He's just, uh... he's just been telling me about Ian.

What, you not been over there yet?

He's a bit nervous. It's understandable.

He wants me to go with him, don't you, Ben?

Right, I wasn't good enough for you?

Take it easy on him. He's had a bit of a shock.

Now go on, go and get your shoes on mate, get yourself ready, yeah?

He tells me you've been doing that sponsorship thing.

It going all right, is it?

KNOCKS ON DOOR

You all right?

Two secs. I'll just, um, get my bag.

Anthony! I'm glad to see you've made the effort.

Where are you taking her?

Erm. Vic probably?

Oh, good. That's where I'm going. I'll be able to keep an eye on you.

Don't you dare.

-HE CHUCKLES

-Think she's keen on you...

-Dad!

God knows why though, but women are funny that way.

You treat her special, yeah?

Just stop it, yeah?

Have fun.

Oh, yeah, you look nice.

Thanks.

-So where we going?

-Anywhere but the Vic.

THEY LAUGH

You what? Can you tell Alfie I want to speak to him.

-Like he's not upset enough already.

-Can you just get him, please!

-Alfie!

-All right, Jack?

No, I'm not all right. I'm very far from all right.

Scotch, please.

-Ray's quit the team.

-No?

-So has Anthony and Tyler.

Oi don't, all right, just don't. Kat's just told me.

Bit of a setback but I'm sorting it, OK?

-Apart from me, Ray's our only good player.

-What?

Shut up, will you. How are we going to field a team with eight players?

I'd volunteer myself, but I wouldn't want to show you up.

We're desperate, but we ain't that desperate.

If you're so keen, where were you at 8 this morning?

Well some of us have got work to do, all right?

-In bed with a floozy.

-Shut it!

I tell you what. How about...you'll like this, right,

how about if Derek goes in goal and I take over as striker?

EVERYONE LAUGHS

Yeah, good one. I've heard it all now.

I'll put up a poster outside.

Advertise for three more players. How about that?

Yeah. Good one. Shambles. That's what this is.

You know, Kat, I give up. I am officially defeated.

No, you're not giving up, right. You phone Anthony and Tyler.

You two stay put. I'll be back. That's for his scotch.

-HE LAUGHS

-Oi, what are you laughing at?

So how was it at the wholesalers? I'm interested!

Thanks for your concern.

-You. Bar. Now.

-Eh?

Kim, what you doing in here?

-I'm just talking to my boyfriend.

-What's so important in the bar?

-Team meeting.

-I'm not in the team.

We'll soon see about that. Come on.

All right.

Kat, can I have a quiet word?

Has Ray said anything to you that I'm not supposed to know about?

Why would he tell me and not you?

-I wouldn't've minded queueing.

-Yeah, well I would've.

PHONE RINGS

Go away, Alfie.

So, where do you want to go?

Um... There's that new wine bar on the High St.

Fargo's?

As if. Do you like kebabs?

I've just got this dress back from the cleaner's.

It's all right, you can use a tissue or something.

And if Fat Boy's there, he usually gives me a discount.

Come on then.

Right, there's definitely no chance of a home visit? No, that's fine.

All right, no, I'll bring him over. Yep, 5.15? Thank you.

What have you just done?

I ain't going to leave him like that, am I?

We said if Lucy wouldn't help

I was going to call a doctor. That's what I've done.

-Where are you going?

-I'm going to tell him.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Babe, whoever that is, just put 'em off, will you?

HE SIGHS

Ian. I've just made you a doctor's appointment.

Ian, do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Ian's got visitors.

Ian? There's someone here to see you.

We'll leave you to it, shall we?

TV BLARES

Ian?

Look, if you're going out, will you take Oscar with you?

Babe, I'll do it later, all right? Just give me five minutes.

What? Where?

You lost three games. Is that the spirit that won the war?

What happened to the good old British Bulldog?

He got taken to the vet, didn't he?

Do you think Bobby Moore and the lads had that same attitude back in '66?

-'66?

-'66!

Come on, this is a pub team we're talking about here.

Oi, this ain't just a pub! It's The Queen Vic!

And you listen to the Queen.

I thought it was just going to be a bit of a kick around,

I didn't realise there was going to be training and...

What if we all walked away when it got tough?

You'd be a fool to do different.

That's just the sort of attitude I'm talking about.

All right? Look at you lot, eh.

Five naughty schoolboys in front of the headmistress.

Six naughty schoolboys. Football meeting. Sit down.

Come on, Max. Get involved, get involved.

Yes, miss.

I do like a powerful bird.

You're spoken for.

'Specially when you know it's all a facade.

Deep down inside she's just a needy little girl.

You should remember that you're a father now, Michael.

You'd like a go on that wouldn't you, Del, eh?

I've obviously got more respect for women than you have.

She's out of your league, you mean?

I'm going to enjoy watching you pushing a pram around the square.

I'm looking forward to it, mate.

HE CHUCKLES

Like hell you are.

You can fool yourself, Michael, but you're never going to fool me.

I've had enough. I'm going to the bar.

No. Get down and gimme ten.

-You what?

-Press ups! Come on.

-No.

Right then. Shut up and sit down!

THEY ALL LAUGH

So, what's the latest then?

Ian's one thing, I can't handle Ian and Phil together.

Oi! No talking in class!

Yeah.

Fabulous.

The thing about a conversation, Ian, is, well it takes two.

You know, I say something then you say something.

That's how it works.

So what you been up to these last couple of months?

We went looking for you, didn't we, Ben?

Yeah. Been really worried.

I've missed you.

We all have.

I mean, you're part of this place. It wouldn't be the same without you.

According to Shirley, Lucy didn't want to see you, is that right?

Have you spoken to anyone? Anyone at all?

Phil? Can I have a word?

Lucy might not have been pleased to see you but...

I am.

He don't need any psychological unit.

This is what I said to Max.

But maybe he's got a point.

I mean if it was just me and him, then fine,

but I got the kids to think about, haven't I?

Maybe a psychiatrist would help him to open up a bit.

Cos he's certainly not opening up to us, is he?

What do you think we should do?

SHE LAUGHS

What?

You sure know how to treat a lady.

Yeah, well, take it or leave it. Can't change who I am, can I?

Anyone would think you were deliberately trying to put me off.

You know, if you don't fancy me, you can say.

It's not a question of if I fancy you or not, is it?

So what is it then? Is it my dad?

You know, I am my own person within my own right.

I have my own thoughts, feelings and opinions.

So give me one of these opinions then.

SHE LAUGHS

I think that you're scared.

HE SNORTS

I think we both are.

You're scared?

I've been terrified about this all morning, if you want the truth.

HE LAUGHS

What's so funny?

Not half as terrified as me.

THEY LAUGH AND JOKE

Are you going to wipe your face or do I have to do it for you?

-Any questions?

-Raise a glass to the Queen Vic United.

May we be magnanimous in victory, yeah.

Stuff that. Let's rub their noses in it.

All right. Cheerful in defeat, then.

We've had enough experience at that, ain't we?

Shut up, you big girl. To us!

-To us!

-Lovely.

Class dismissed.

She's a formidable woman, your wife, Alfie.

That's why I love her, Derek.

-I've just seen Alice.

-Oh, yeah?

With that loser out on the square.

-Yeah, I know about it.

-Bet you don't know everything though.

I better go.

I'm off.

Hey, listen, Michael. Listen, good luck tomorrow, mate.

Give Scarlett a kiss from us.

THEY ALL MURMUR IN AGREEMENT

Thanks, fellas.

Thinking of you, bruv.

-Now there IS a nervous man.

-Why d'you say that?

-He's bringing his baby home tomorrow.

-Ah, really?

Yeah, I'm well excited. He's not too excited though.

-Do you like babies then?

-Yeah. I do. I'd love to be a daddy.

Oh.

But not any time soon.

Don't worry, I'm not suggesting anything.

I really should be getting back to work.

Come here. I'll see ya, yeah?

Thank you.

Since when were you prepared to fork out for decorating magazines?

He's a man. When did a man ever have any taste?

I've got to be prepared.

So has he said something then?

-Not exactly.

-So he's said nothing.

He was being shifty in the pub earlier, it's got to be it.

-How much is it?

-3.95.

-How much?

-What do you mean we're back in the team?

-Attacking midfield.

He didn't even think to ask me, Ty?

You want to argue about it, you argue with Kat. Anyway, how'd it go?

How did what go?

You and the siren temptress of Walford.

It was all right, actually.

I thought you wanted it to be a disaster?

We came to an understanding. And, my friend, I think I'm off the hook.

What was the last thing I said to you?

-Have fun.

-Treat her special.

Yeah.

Yeah. Your idea of special is eating a kebab with her fingers,

outside, on a bench, in the middle of the street, is it?

No, Del, we were in the Square.

Oh, we was in the Square.

I don't care where you was!

Now you listen to me, young Anthony.

Up until now I've given you the benefit of the doubt,

because for some strange reason, my daughter has taken a shine to you.

But if you muck her about one more time,

it won't be kebab that you're eating. Understood?

-Yeah.

-Any questions?

-No.

-Good.

I'm just taking five minutes, Marie.

OK, Luce.

So what did you want?

Listen, I don't want us to fall out over all this.

Look, it's not you I'm angry with.

Cos it's not like I don't know what a pain dads can be.

I'm not taking him back, Lauren.

Yeah, and I'm not trying to persuade you to.

I'm just worried about you, that's all.

I've got enough stuff to do, I've got bills to pay,

I've got Bobby to take care of, businesses to run.

And on top of all that, I'm signed up to do a community cook-off.

So, there's only so much a girl can do.

Well, I'm on your side.

I just want you to know that.

But, I better go

because I'm meant to be getting the dinner in, so...

Lauren...

Has he asked about me at all?

Not while I've been around, no.

Good.

DOOR CLOSES

-All right, love.

-All right, babe.

Here, look at this. Look. This is what he was wearing.

-Can you believe it?

-Why you bothering?

Well, cos they're still his, aren't they?

I can't just throw 'em away without asking.

Where is he anyway? Is he upstairs?

-Got to take him to the doctor's.

-Yeah, I've cancelled that.

What?

-And he's not upstairs either.

-Well, where is he?

We weren't expecting guests.

You giving Brian Blessed a run for his money?

I don't like the idea of him talking to Shirley.

He ain't talking to anyone right now.

As long as we keep him away from shrinks, we'll be all right.

We can't keep him here for ever.

We'll keep him here till we can get him onside.

And how do we do that?

He's your brother. We'll just keep reminding him of that.

I've just seen Max. He said something about Ian staying here.

Have you two completely lost your minds?

Just sit down, yeah?

Guess what I'm doing?

Abseiling down the side of the Vic.

Me! Who's scared of heights!

Must be mad.

Well, no, not mad, but...

Must be something.

I'm doing it for charity.

For little George.

You remember little George?

Heather's little boy?

THUNDER CLAP

Remember Heather?

My best mate?

Who was murdered?

Ian?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd