03/09/2012 EastEnders

And make an effort. You've got to make an effort.

And put your hand up and say please and thank you, yeah?

And don't be nervous. First impressions are very important.

Oscar. Oscar,

you want to look good for your first day at school, don't you, eh?

People remember the first impression.

Right, come on, then.

And you cannot be late.

Because that would be a very bad start.

-And if any of those kids give you grief...

-Yes. Yes.

I'll tell a teacher.

SHE SPEAKS SHARPLY IN URDU

I got you this for your break. I was thinking

-I could give you a lift as well, yeah?

-Yeah.

No. I have said no. I can manage. And I will take him.

Then I have to go to school

and tell them I don't have time to go back next year,

then call the solicitors, then meet the woman doing this Fine Cafe blog

and then I have to try and work out

-why the chippie fryer won't go hot.

-Just give me a break.

OK? I'm trying here. I'm not...

I'm getting back to normal, aren't I?

Lucy, no, please. I can help, can't I?

How you going to know if you don't give me a chance?

Come on.

One chance.

Don't blow it, Dad.

Come on, then, mate.

Kat? Kat!

Problem.

Oh, look.

I know, darling. You'll just have to paint him a little picture.

You can draw him a picture of your first day at school so it feels like he was here, OK?

Go on, then. Good luck.

-You don't understand. He's had a headache...

-Yeah, OK.

Parents this side of the gate. It's school policy, nothing personal.

Promise me, if he tells you he has a headache,

make sure he drinks plenty of water. He gets dehydrated.

-I make sure he drinks lots at home.

-You know they've got taps here?

Yeah, yeah. Or call me!

And I put on the form that he was mildly lactose-intolerant as a baby,

so any problems, just...

Oh, Ian...

-Coffee.

-Huh?

We need coffee. Everyone goes for coffee.

It's like first day at school for the parents,

only we go to a cafe and it's cliquier.

Every single other dad is here. Even Ian Beale is here.

Even I'm here, Max.

That's not something we could've guaranteed a year ago, is it?

No, all you had to do was pick the car up

and then show up here on time.

Yeah? Well it's too late now, isn't it?

You might as well stay stuck on the M25.

Kat, listen, I know it looks bad, sweetheart,

but you can't go throwing accusations, all right?

-It's becoming an habit with you. You just can't throw the woman...

-Out!

But I invited her.

-Now.

-Now? But I've just found her some apple crumble.

We let you stay here, yeah? He give you a job...

-Kat, she's hardly done it on purpose, has she?

-Done what?

Tommy is covered in little red bumps, and it's not measles or chickenpox.

-I know cos I've looked online.

-It's bed bugs.

-She's infested the whole of upstairs with bed bugs.

-I ain't got bugs.

-To be fair, she hasn't got a bed.

-No, you ain't.

Did you not get my message on Friday?

-You're not welcome here, Shirley.

-Kat, Kat, stop!

Sorry, Shirley, she's just a bit upset.

That's bang out of order, by the way, all right?

Listen, maybe I think it's best...

Thank you for your hospitality.

Can't she just have a little bit of apple crumble before she goes?

Can't she just have a little bath first? That's just common decency.

No! Jean, look!

No, no. This morning instead of this afternoon is...fine.

We're very grateful for your time, Ms Hickey.

"Service" industry. The clue's in the name.

I don't know why I didn't stay at home and have a bacon sarnie,

these prices.

-Because I am treating you.

-Urgh!

No. I can meet you at the tube station. My pleasure.

Well, the Fine Cafe Guide can either make or break a place, Ms Hickey...

Bethan.

Yeah, well, we at Cindy's Cafe look forward to welcoming you

when you can get here.

Service. Come on!

-Service!

-Just go away!

So there I am, waving at the gate. Not even a backward glance.

Still, Oscar's always been quite independent, you know.

Yeah, I think it comes from having older siblings.

I think if Denny's nervous, it's cos he's a little bit sensitive.

Most intelligent boys are.

Still. It's hard with your first, isn't it?

Sort of a big wrench, isn't it? Letting go.

It's easy to get paranoid.

-I beg your pardon?

-Sorry?

I'm paranoid?

Um, no, but...

It's natural, innit?

They do say recognising the problem's half the battle won, so...

-And is it difficult to see where Oscar gets it from?

-Pardon?

Well, attitude.

You're probably not aware, but they pick it up from their parents.

You know, this flippant, disrespectful attitude, and...

No offence, Tanya, but it greatly reduces Oscar's future prospects.

-There's plenty of research to show for it.

-What, from America? Is it different in America?

Is everything perfect in America?

Oh, I'm sorry. One of us has to rise above it.

I will not have my only son's first day at school ruined by you.

Don't worry, his mother'll do that, like she does everything else for him.

See? Even your best friend finds you embarrassing.

And where exactly is your husband

on the most important morning of Oscar's life?

-Actually, Max isn't my husband.

-No?

Sensible man.

SEAGULLS CAW

SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY

(Quick, quick!)

Right.

Mission accomplished. Right, get your kit off.

Luce?

She needs help.

Here we go. Mr Bleeding Heart.

What she needs is a clip round the earhole

-and a lesson in customer service.

-Oh, have some compassion, ooman.

The poor girl doesn't know whether she coming or going.

Oh, if that's the case, why is she off inviting cafe guides

to have a look at her dirty little kitchen?

Because she's a kid,

out of her depth.

Didn't you ever mess up at her age?

Oh, do me a favour!

How do you even know this Bed Bugged company is legit?

You want to go DIY. I've got a crate of hairspray in the basement.

Shut up. Anyway, the good news is they can start straightaway.

-The bad news is, it's going to cost you a ton an hour.

-No, Nan.

The bad news is, we've got to shut the pub down

and lose what? A week of takings?

And move out. All of us out of our own home.

No, no. No. Not all of us.

One of us has got to stay behind, to act as bug bait.

Yes, hello, mate, I'm still here. Yeah, it's Alfie...Alfie Moon. Yeah.

Oh...!

For goodness' sake!

Does washing do it?

Does washing everything we own make a blind bit of difference?

This is Phil's fault.

Beer, telly, feet up, eating one of those chocolate bars

-with the crispy bits. I won't even feel the pain.

-Alfie!

For once, can you fight for us?

What you on about?

-How is this Phil's fault? I'll be fine, all right?

-He'll be fine.

-They'll eat you alive.

-No. If he wears his going-out aftershave,

there isn't a bug around that'll touch him.

-I'm not leaving you, Alfie.

-Kat!

Come on, sweetheart.

Hang on to your hormones. I know how you feel about me, darling.

It's only for a couple of days!

-What can we do that Phil hasn't done already?

-Take responsibility.

Face up to what he's done to Shirley, for what he's doing to us.

This is not your fault. It's not right that you're paying for it.

How can I have the love of my life looking like a pepperoni pizza?

HE LAUGHS

Tell you what, how about this? Let's see.

You take this with you.

That's me, you and little Tommy.

Put it by the bed, give it kisses every night before you go to sleep.

No. No, I can't go, Alfie.

Why?

Cos I want to stay with you.

I feel a song coming on.

I know, sweetheart, and I'd love you to stay, but you know...

I'm going to go and do me own packing.

You do that, darling.

Look...

Listen, I know you want to go, all right? Giving me the old flannel.

Tell you what - why don't you take the Christmas money?

OK? What is it they say? Yeah, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

-Come on, take it.

-TOMMY CRIES

Kat, will you stop turning this into a drama, right?

Please, get yourself a room. It's there.

All right, Tommy, I'm coming. Stop scratching. Tommy, I'm here...

SHE SIGHS

He didn't want to know.

Darren.

He didn't even pick up when I called.

WASHING MACHINE HUMS

I find the world looks a lot brighter

with a cup of tea and some toast.

He's moved on.

Heather would've loved to have taken little George

to his first day at nursery, wouldn't she?

You know, I've been where you are, Shirley.

Before I came to Walford.

Hardly recognise myself now.

When Stacey rescued me, she had to break in.

I'd boarded up the windows.

She brought two bags of shopping with her

but couldn't find anywhere to put them

because there were empty wine bottles everywhere.

DOOR HANDLE RATTLES

MO: Jean? What you doing? You need to start packing.

-(I didn't want to be rescued.)

-Who you talking to?

To myself, Maureen. Thank you very much. Won't be long.

Flaming talking to herself again.

I think what you've got to try and hang onto is hope.

Yeah.

That's cos you're a nutter, Jean.

Well, yes.

It does have its advantages.

Eat your toast.

I didn't know where to look. Making a show like that.

Sharon? In the school cafe?

In the school cafe.

She doesn't realise that will be with her for months.

-Years, probably.

-Elephants. Some of those mothers are like elephants.

They'll still be talking about it when he's in year six.

That poor Dennis...Denny child. Honestly, some mothers

-don't know when to step back, do they, Tanya?

-They don't.

Well, they don't.

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Oh, you do love him, don't you?

All that snapping and putting Alfie down.

I can read your face like a book, Kat.

Look at you. You're missing him already.

Go on.

What?

Get Alfie some of that chocolate with the bits in.

Well, go on, hurry up.

Me and Fleabags'll meet you over the B&B.

Marie's got a doctor's appointment. We usually share the cleaning,

and meeting you at the train station, I couldn't just leave the place...

..open.

Good morning, madam. Would you like to see our lunchtime menu

or would you prefer to take a seat

and soak up the ambience with a coffee?

Service - that's how it's done, girl.

(You left the keys in the door.)

AND you need a new toilet brush.

What?!

Yeah. Shut until further notice. Not seen the sign on the door?

No...

-OK, OK...

-Masood, make sure Bobby knows!

Ian, you can't park your car outside the school, look at the sign!

I forgot, OK? I...

I didn't forget.

I didn't blow it. Please.

Please, Masood, just make sure Bobby gets that.

It's just an apple, Ian. We've...

There's a bowl in the canteen.

Ian, look, just come in for a while, all right?

Or...or why don't you come over ours later?

Zee's cooking a "surprise" dinner, huh?

Come over. Eat dinner.

-VOICE BREAKING

-Don't be nice to me.

I'm just a waste of space.

Ian?

Come on, Alfie, man, no-one's perfect.

-I held my hands up on Friday night, didn't I?

-Ray, I couldn't see

-for the flying glass and blood everywhere.

-Yes, I admit, all right?

Me playing for the Old Lions was not the best move.

Yes, you playing for the Old Lions got us disqualified. All right?

Yes, yes. But a boycott?

A boycott?

What do you mean? Boycott what?

Michael told me. He said to me

that Derek and the lads are planning on boycotting the Vic because of me.

That is why you're shutting down the Vic, right?

He told me that I'm probably going to have to take a wage cut,

and that's if I even have a job to hang onto.

All a bit extreme, ain't it?

-He's certainly on fire today, my cousin.

-Huh?

OK. Now. The truth is, Ray, you put a lot of noses out of joint.

OK? Which means I have to shut down the pub for a few days...

Whoa, listen, hear me out.

Only till the dust settles, and whatever else needs to settle.

Now it's known as the mighty power of the punter. All right?

So. We'll leave it a week, and we'll say no more.

But...your job's still safe, all right?

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Thank you, mate.

-Feel the love.

-Appreciate it.

-One love. Least I could do, all right?

Listen, I'm really sorry about...

SPRAY HISSES

-What's this?

-OK. Now...

Between me and you - goes no further, keep it schtum -

I'm having a few problems with some creepy crawlies,

little buggy things. But I've got it sorted.

-Yeah.

-Talk to you later. One love, Raymondo.

-Yeah!

-Yeah.

I'm here. I'm here right now, yeah?

CHILDREN SHOUT FROM PLAYGROUND

Just a coffee, then?

I know Zee can get on your nerves. She really gets on my nerves.

FLOORBOARD CREAKS

Ian...

I should leave.

Yeah.

Go inside. First day and that.

Yeah.

As long as you're, uh...

You are all right?

Yeah. Yeah, course.

You should, um...

Have you, er, talked to anyone?

About what?

I don't know.

Your feelings and that?

Well, I don't know, do I?

I'm just saying, that's all. It's...you, your...

your whole "on the streets" thing.

And Mandy.

And Ben...

It's enough to send anyone a bit bonkers.

If this classroom assistant thing doesn't work out,

-you should try counselling.

-Yeah, counselling,

if that's what you need, Ian, there's no shame in talking...

or medication...

or someone to go with you to the doctor's.

It was just an apple!

You just had a fit.

Shouldn't you be laminating a timetable or something?

Fine! Fine. Just...

I know. That's all.

Feeling like a waste of space, lying like it's all right.

Scared to death...

I know how much I would have given

for someone to talk to last Christmas.

And listen.

And your wife...

Your ex-wife, sorry...

..Jane, she was the only one.

HE SIGHS

Because I was that close to giving up.

Yeah, we all know how much you fancied her.

SHOWER TURNS ON

-TV:

-'It's got the garden, bedrooms, reception.

'I think it's hot stuff, basically.

'And then, for the wild card, I've got...'

HE LAUGHS

'Are you ready? Here it is.'

ALFIE: I'd pay for that.

-'What a lovely colour.

-Isn't it?'

Masood! Masood, please, just... please, just wait.

You're right.

She was a kind woman, my fourth wife.

I don't...

I don't feel...

I know it's not right, OK?

I just don't know how to stop it...

Please...please, help me.

'Help me, please.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd