19/11/2012 EastEnders

SHE SIGHS

How come I'm doing all this on my own?

Because your Mum's in there, ain't she?

It's women's work, innit?

SHE LAUGHS

-Oh, is that right?

-Yes.

Oscar!

Get a move on, mate! Sharon and Dennis are waiting for you.

She's through there.

SHE LAUGHS

Oi!

Children...

Yes, child, calm yourself down.

Right, give me two minutes, I'll come with you.

Er... I was going to give you the day off, actually, Joey.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Give you a chance to find somewhere else to live.

What?

All right, OK.

-Dad! It's only washing-up liquid. I'm going to clear it up.

-It ain't that, Lauren, all right?

Look, it ain't me, all right, Joey? It's...

If it was down to me, you could stay as long as you want. It's just... not everyone's happy, so...

What, Mum?

Derek.

Are you serious?

Lauren, it's complicated, all right? SHE SIGHS

What, his dad doesn't want him to live in our house?

Has he got any thoughts on what I might have for my breakfast next? What..?

Are you going to ask Derek's permission the next time you need to go to the toilet, Dad?

-It's nothing personal, all right?

-Yeah.

There's bedsits and all that, ain't there?

Yeah... yeah, course.

It's not a problem. There's loads of places.

DOOR SLAMS

Lauren!

Oh, Tan, you ought to have a little cushion though, you know?

For your posture.

And peppermint tea. For a bit of energy.

And also a light on.

Cos my Auntie Karen almost went blind from reading under the duvet.

Is that all right?

Sorry.

Keys.

Um...Hair, hormones, or, um...

just the whole maths thing?

-TANYA CHUCKLES

-Yeah.

I would honestly rather go to the dentist

than start moving decimal points about.

No, it's family.

And lies. I mean, you think you know someone, Poppy...

And then you don't.

Yeah, I know.

Right, my friend, Jessica Dodds,

found out her dad was gay the night before her NVQ level one in beauty.

Yeah? My other friend, Charlotte Hickey,

her mum got pregnant at 45, on purpose.

And I'm not being rude, but that is an horrible shock.

And this is just down my street, yeah?

My Mum says it's a good job we're normal.

POPPY CHUCKLES Yeah, right.

If she actually knew anything about my sister...

Well, put it this way, she would not be giving Tansy a pound every Friday

for her supermarket trolley.

SHE SIGHS Thing is...

I can't say anything.

You know...

You leave a secret buried for a long time,

it's really hard to just...

casually slip it in the conversation, you know?

Is my mum up?

Um...

Five minutes -

she'll be on her second cup of coffee and have her hairnet off.

-I don't know how long I'm going to be.

-It's not a problem.

Thank you, Poppy.

-Where did I put...

-It's down here.

-See ya, then.

-See ya.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! You want to slow her down a little bit, Max.

-Lauren, let's just leave it, yeah?

-Let's go.

-No!

No, come on, Uncle Derek! I'm waiting.

Look, who or what Joey does is hardly any business of mine, is it?

So why can't you keep your sticky beak out of it, eh?

My...my...my sticky beak?

-My sticky beak?!

-All right, Del. Leave it.

Derek...

he's my cousin.

Look, this boy is a man of some 20-odd years

with an very unsavoury reputation, eh?

It's no wonder that your father wants him out the house.

-What, you...you actually think I fancy your daughter here?

-Dad!

Dad, I would rather snog Ian Beale back in the tramp days. Seriously.

-Yeah. And that is a mutual feeling, actually.

-Joey, don't be stupid.

-Course I don't think you fancy her. I'm not that sick, am I?

-How could you, eh?

How could you?

Eh? Any pretty girl, is that what it is, Joe?

Doesn't matter if you're related?

Eh?

Some men - they're like dogs.

I hope you've kept your paws off of her this long.

But, like I said to Max,

as sick as it is, it's not illegal.

I mean, it's not like a proper crime, is it,

like murder, or robbery, or fraud.

I mean, they are proper crimes, ain't they Max, eh?

You're disgusting perverts.

No.

I think you want to rein her in a little bit.

What's your problem, Del, eh? What's going on in your head?

Making out like this is my call.

Eh? And in fact, what's your problem with Joey staying at mine, all right?

-I thought we'd sorted all this out!

-He ain't your son.

Now, I'm willing to back off here, Max,

and let you sort your problems out yourself.

-Right, well, Del, you know I can't just get hold of a grand just like that.

-Well then kick him out!

It's as simple as that.

It's either one way or the other, Uncle Max.

And don't forget, your friends are getting restless.

Mm?

Two o'clock in the Vic. Make the right decision.

OK?

I just thought it would cheer you up.

What with losing your job and Rainie and everything.

Well, you were in a foul mood the whole of last week, really,

-weren't you, so..?

-You got any make up on?

Your eyes look puffy.

I do understand that it was because of the birthday.

Of your little daughter that died. Wasn't it?

My sister that died.

Yeah, OK, thanks.

Ava.

-She does have a name.

-Yeah, does. Exactly. Does.

Not "did." Not past tense.

Are you...

are you sick again?

No.

-I just...

-What you yakking on about, then?

I want to visit her grave.

Yeah, I was thinking...

I was thinking, what with Ava being dead and everything, isn't she?

OK.

So...

I thought, um...

Well, you must have been laying flowers on her grave

on your own for 48 years, haven't you?

Right.

So I thought I could come.

We could go together. And talk about Ava.

Honestly.

At her graveside.

Just you and me. Sitting by the grave.

Where exactly is her grave, Mum?

Tanya...

Please tell me.

Er...I don't know how to say this...

But...

you're a very demanding,

interfering nosey parker, and you always have been.

Please don't try and cheer me up again.

Gives me such an headache.

That's a lovely motor, innit?

All right, I tell you what I'll do, all right?

And I'm being an absolute idiot here.

If you give me cash today, I'll knock 500 quid off the price, yeah?

Want to think about it?

I mean, all you've got to do is speak to your bank.

HE SIGHS

He's a freak.

In fact, they're both middle-aged, sex-obsessed freaks.

A girl and a boy can just be good friends, can't they?

They can.

Yes, course.

-SHE SIGHS

-You know, all my dad does is just give me grief.

Mm.

Well, and food and clothes...

hot water, internet access, little telly in your bedroom...

-OK.

-SHE CHUCKLES

You know what, Lauren, I know you're unemployed and everything,

-but you're going to have to stop having a drama all the time, you know?

-What?

It ain't a big deal, all right? I mean, yeah, Mum's is too far away, but like your dad said,

-I can cover a bedsit if my hours don't go down at the club.

-No, just because I'm not working,

-what, you reckon I'm looking for a drama?

-Mm.

Right, come on, max 140 a week, and if it says "compact" don't even bother,

cos it means your shower's in the kitchen and you sleep with your feet up on the fridge.

SHE CHUCKLES

Well, come on. Pull your finger out, you drama queen.

Sorry.

HE LAUGHS

MAX SIGHS

Er, yeah. Max Branning.

Yeah, a business loan, please.

Business.

No, my name.

No, just my name for the business, please.

Oh, right, yeah, that's exactly the sort of thing I was thinking about.

What, slow down, what,

you want me to work out the costings, and then what?

Set a date to go through the business plan?

Er, no, it's all right. I'll call you back, yeah?

Cheers.

Yeah. Yeah, I realise it's a long shot, but it would be, um...

Ava Hart, so that's A, V...

Er...

Oh, right.

No. No, that won't be her.

OK.

No, no, thanks very much. Bye.

SHE SIGHS

Yeah, any odd jobs, you know. Spot of window cleaning.

Yeah, well, thanks, anyway.

In fact...

in fact, now Syed's definitely not coming back,

you could tell Tanya that I'd even consider

being trained up as a massager.

I mean, just birds, though, you know.

Only time I get oil on my hands with a fella is when I help Phil out down the Arches.

Well, I will pass that on, naturally.

Thank you.

Pops. POPPY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

-Bill...

-Hey, Fats.

-You all right, man? Yeah.

Right, listen to this.

Hair, hormones and her family,

and suddenly, I am Tanya's temporary assistant manager for the morning.

-What? Check you! High five, babe.

-Yes!

-Nice.

-OK. So you've done the mouthwash.

-Check.

And you've thought about five interesting things to talk about

that aren't football, online games or the time you trumped a tune.

Yeah, check.

Right. Well, you're ready.

Yeah, yeah, I am ready.

-And I...

-CLEARS HER THROAT

..am Sylvia.

And I am just casually at the bar.

On a stool.

I always come here on a Monday,

cos it cheers you up when you have to wait a whole week until Saturday.

And I have to have a stool,

cos I get really bad foot ache from standing in that chemist.

And then you stroll in.

And Sylvia is surprised.

SHE GASPS

-That's my surprised face.

-Oh, right.

So...stroll. Stroll in.

OK, all right, stroll.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, Fats!

Fats, listen, right?

-You are lovely.

-No, no.

-Yes. Yes.

OK...

So...

So you come over here, and you woo Sylvia with all your loveliness.

Because she is the woman of your dreams.

And...

-I have a bikini wax at half past, so...

-What?

-SHE LAUGHS

-So hurry up!

THEY LAUGH

-Come on, Phil, I only need a couple of motors without their MOTs.

-No, no. No chance.

Right now, I'm straight. I've got to be seen to be totally legit.

What, you in it?

Yeah, seven kinds of it.

Just need to find a bit of cash, you know, on the quiet.

-Tanya's put a padlock on the purse strings, has she?

-Phil, Tan don't know nothing about this.

Yeah, why spoil a good relationship by talking, eh?

Right, if you change your mind, we'll chat about how we split the profits, yeah?

-MOBILE RINGS

-Yeah, if I change my mind, I'll let you know.

Cheers.

Ritchie.

Are you serious?

Well, does that mean Lola'll get Lexi back?

Well, find out, because I'm telling you, that girl ain't up to it.

Well, not if Billy disappears, she won't.

Leave that to me.

Max!

Max!

Max!

It's your lucky day.

Er...

Cos you see, um...

I've been watching you,

er, for a while, you know, from a distance,

and, er...you know, I just can't help it... and, um...

You know, I just wanted to say I... I really like you.

No.

Yeah.

So...

Anyway, er...

Sylvia...

Yeah, um...I was, you know, wondering, hoping...

er...if you'd like to go out, you know...please.

Sometime. You know, if you're free... erm...you know, if you'd like to...

erm...you know, maybe we could go for a drink?

Or not a drink, you know?

or maybe we can go for, er, spaghetti bolognese,

or...or however you roll.

You just...you just let me know and I can make that happen, you know?

So, er...what do you say?

No.

-No?

-No!

-What you talking about, no?

-No. Too desperate.

-What?!

-Too needy.

And if a man's been watching me for weeks, I'm going to call the police,

because that is an arrestable offence, Fats...

Right, just keep it simple, yeah?

"Oh, what a surprise, I've seen you around, can I buy you a drink?"

Oh! Oh...

What a surprise, you know what?

I've seen you around, you know, can I buy you a drink?

Mm...bit better.

I very nearly said yes then.

HE SIGHS AND SHE LAUGHS

Mm...Yeah well, my mum might like it,

but if it's going to be me with the 30 grand worth of debt,

then it's going to be because I've spent it all on...

..on expensive clothes or a trip to Barbados or something.

Not university fees.

I'm just saying I'd get bored, that's all.

Oh...see?

Ah...you're not very bright, are you, Joseph? No...

Oi!

No, see...

If I'm going to be bored anyway,

then I'm going to be doing it at home.

With the telly on.

Full drinks cabinet.

Not working some nine-to-five minimum wage job in a garage.

Really? No.

All right, fair enough.

You know...

Getting drunk all day on your own,

watching Cash in the Attic.

You are living the dream, babe.

D'you know what, I do not do nothing all day, "babe."

Oh, really?

Really.

I do something, as it goes.

I can't. I mean, I've got responsibilities.

I have to call Janet and William of a Monday, don't I?

Bill, your phone'll still work in Blackpool, innit?

Yeah, but I've still got a couple of shifts to do at the R&R.

We've run out of electricity credit, and... Well, what about Lola, Phil?

-I ain't a baby-sitter, Billy.

-No, I know. But we've got one of them access visits today, haven't we?

-That woman, Trish, is bringing Lexi round at half one.

-Look, Billy, it's your choice, all right?

You know, meet a few people, move a few motors.

Four weeks' paid money, take it or leave it.

-Think of the money, will you?

-Oh, just go. I would.

No, I'm just saying, it's not like you're going to miss anything, is it?

What, me giving Lexi a bath for 20 minutes

with that smug cow watching our every move.

I'll be fine on my own.

No, I can't leave her.

Come on, Phil, she's family.

All right, all right, all right...

No, I'll be fine on my own.

Just stop moaning like an old woman, will you? You know...

-Lola can stay with me while you're gone away, all right?

-Hello?!

Has someone pressed my mute button? I will be fine on my own.

No, you won't, all right?

Phil is family, and we've got rent due on Thursday.

OK, boys.

-Got yourselves a deal.

-Oh, smashing.

-Right choice.

-Safe journey, all right? Thank

-you.

-Speak to you later.

-Yeah.

Right, you, come on...

-Be good, yeah?

-Yes.

I'll bring you back a stick of rock.

I'll get Lexi one of them dummy things.

And a lot of candy floss.

Oh...

-And a big, thick wad of cash.

-How thick?

About as thick as Phil is for paying me to go on holiday,

and putting you up in his house at the same time. Must be losing his grip.

-Muppet.

-LOLA CHUCKLES

Right, be good, all right?

-I love you.

-Yes. Love you.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-CAR HORN

-Billy!

Bill...

-Look at that for timing, will you?

-What?

That was Ritchie.

-What was?

-Ritchie. On the blower just now, er...

-Alexa's dropped all the allegations against you.

-What?

Yeah, she's dropped all the allegations,

and all the charges have been dropped against you.

He did it! Pops told her, Phil!

Yeah. Typical Billy, eh? Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

-Well, you'd better call him, eh?

-Yeah, yeah. I'll call him. He's going to be so pleased!

Maybe wait until he's got there, though, yeah?

You know, with a baby in the house,

he's going to need every penny he can get, ain't he?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, I'm going to get Lexi back!

I don't know. I expect there'll be a bit of paperwork, but yeah.

She's coming home? Lexi's coming home?

I can't wait to see the look on that smug Trish's face.

I'm getting my baby back home, ain't I!

Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, that's right, that's right.

Ava Hartman.

She works with you.

SHE SIGHS

Thank you.

Thanks, that's great.

That's great, thanks.

SHE SIGHS

Right, it's not the winning or the losing, yeah? It's the taking part.

-Oh, no...no, sorry, that's netball.

-You know, I'm going to...

No, no.

Twinkle, yeah?

You have got to twinkle, Fats.

Go.

Um...

I've seen you in the chemist.

Twinkle. Twinkle, Fats. Come on, come on, twinkle, twinkle.

So, erm...

Listen, could I buy you a drink?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

Yeah? OK! All right!

All right, great.

-What you drinking?

-Orange juice.

Orange juice, great...

No...

No, I don't get lonely.

I...I like being on my own, so it ain't lonely.

I'm just saying that sometimes, if I'm going out anyway, then I...

You shoplift, don't you?

-SHE CHUCKLES

-No.

No, I just...I walk instead, or I sit on a tube...

Pickpocket.

Look at people.

HE CHUCKLES

All right, weirdo.

SHE CHUCKLES

I know.

No, it's...I just...

I just see if I can get them down.

It's only for myself.

Little scribbles, really. It's nothing.

Oh, what, like the ad stuff your dad had you doing?

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Well, go on, show me then.

-No!

-Why?

-No way!

-Why not?

You can trust me.

-Can I?

-Yeah.

How many girls have you said that to the past week?

HE SIGHS

Erm...

None.

All right?

You're different.

Yeah, you are. I mean, I know it's the way you were trained and everything,

but seriously, five sentences just to say, "Oh, don't hold her upside down."

Oh, and by the way, while we're on it, am I thick?

Have you ever seen me hold her by her toenails? No, Cos you haven't got a kid, have you?

But if you're ever lucky enough to get knocked up by some bloke,

you might find out how offensive it is. It does my head in.

What she means is, er...

Thank you. And I'm sure we'll be seeing you around.

Yes, well, now Lola's living here, you certainly will, Mr. Mitchell.

-I could give you a copy of our schedule, if Lola's misplaced...

-You what?

Oh...

What?

There is a neglect case against Lola, you do know that, Mr Mitchell?

So?

So...

the fact that the latest charges against you have been dropped

doesn't affect Lexi's care order.

You're not going to give me back my baby?

Still, we've got...23 minutes left, haven't we?

-You're not going to give me my own kid?

-No...

No, listen...

I'm sure that the fact that you'll no longer face legal proceedings

will ultimately stand in your favour.

23 minutes,

then you're going to take her away, again, and get her fostered, and...

And I ain't even done anything wrong.

Let's modify our behaviour, shall we?

For the sake of baby?

Right...

And if you and Granddad would like to give Lexi a bath

in your new home, Lola, well...

I'll go and get it started. Upstairs, is it?

Yeah.

Come to Granddad. Eh?

Here we go! Yeah.

Give you a nice bath, eh?

And, er...

just so as you know,

this ain't your new home.

You're just visiting.

Yeah, I knew you'd see sense.

It ain't as if I've got anything against the boy per se,

I mean, he is my flesh and blood after all...

not that you'd know it.

So you're going to give them a grand of your money, Del,

if I show him the door.

Kicking him out is the smart move, Max.

No.

That's a down payment...

You tell 'em they'll have the rest on the 11th, yeah?

Like we talked about.

FATBOY CHUCKLES

I like him, Del, all right? He's a good kid.

All he needs is somewhere to put his head

where he ain't got anyone gunning for him.

You're playing with fire, Max.

Yeah, well...

I'll take that risk, Del.

Cheers.

OK. Well, aren't you meant to be calling that letting agency, yeah?

Joey!

I thought you wanted to see the flat above the kebab shop. Come on.

These are really good.

Yes, OK, thank you very much...

-No, no, no! Don't, don't, don't!

-Lauren...

HE CHUCKLES

HE LAUGHS

What...

What can I say? You have an ugly face.

Yeah, and you're a stalker.

An interesting ugly face.

Well, that is the, er...

That's the main difference between you and me, ain't it, Lauren?

Cos at least my face is interesting.

SHE CHUCKLES

I love them.

We're not doing this.

We're not doing this.

THEY LAUGH

-Because... because some things are private...

-Oh, see...

My head is that all over the place, I've left my keys at home.

Tanya, listen to me now, man.

It's up to your mother to tell you in her own time. It's nobody else's business.

Ava Hartman is my business, Patrick.

-And I've found her.

-Yeah. All right, yes, I know this is a big deal, but...

My sister is alive and breathing, and I've found her,

and she's living, according to the sat nav, 18 minutes from here.

Patrick, I could have been passing her every day on the way to the supermarket.

She could be the one at the wholesalers with the same hair as me.

Come on now, man. all I'm saying is, look...

Let's have a drink and let's think about this.

Huh?

48 years, Patrick.

My mother has been lying about my sister,

hiding her away from everyone, for 48 years.

She's not going to change that habit now, is she?

I mean, for all I know, Patrick,

I could have given her a treatment in my salon.

We could have been at the same school.

I mean, for God's sake...

I have to know.

-And I've got an appointment with her.

-Mm?

-3pm. Ava Hartman.

-Today.

And I'm going, Patrick, with or without you.

I'm going to meet my sister.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd