06/12/2012 EastEnders

PHONE RINGS

HE SIGHS

ANSWERING MACHINE: 'Hi. If you want to leave a message...'

Yes, mate, yeah, he said he'd definitely do it for me.

But as long as I can pick it up next week though, yeah?

All right, I'll hold.

Oi, come here, you.

What are you doing?!

-They've put me on hold.

-MOBILE RINGS

It's not your lucky day. It's my dad, I better get it.

Hey, ask if he wants to be Santa in the Christmas market.

He'd be great! Yeah, he wouldn't need much padding...

Yeah, I'm still here, mate.

All right, all right!

-What?!

-I need to speak to Sharon.

-Yeah, well, she's in the shower.

-It's important.

-Yeah, well, it'll have to wait, won't it?

Anything I can help you with?

Tell her not to believe a word Shirley says.

Worried she might talk Sharon out of you two playing happy families?

Cos after what she said last night, maybe Shirley's decided

to put an end to this ridiculous engagement.

Yeah, well, she'd be wrong.

And what if Social Services find out?

-How's that going to happen?

-They're not stupid, are they?

You're saying Shirley's going to tell them?

Someone might.

Oh, well, that someone wants to think very careful about their future.

You threatening me?

You take it how you want. I'm just stating a fact.

You want to be very careful, Phil.

Social Services aren't too keen on grandads who start fights.

Ain't you going to be late for work?

I got the morning off.

You know, you've got a nice little tickle there.

You don't want to lose it.

I'm owed some time...

Nice office, get to go to work all dressed smart...

Nothing wrong, is there?

No.

This ain't about you moving out again, is it?

Dad, it's not about anything.

I'm fine.

Oh, look at you!

I like to look the best for my boys.

Nice! Oh, listen, sweetheart, did you ask Charlie

if he fancied being Santa at Christmas or what?

Two weeks in a grotto? He'll end up freezing his baubles off!

It's all right, he'll have a heater, won't he?

This market's doing my head in. What about us?

Yes, I know, darling. I know, I know, I know.

But once it's all sorted...

You know, give me a chance to get out and get everything we need

to make the best family Christmas ever, all right?

You're going back to Germany?

Stratford. I just need to pick up some bits and pieces, that's all.

-Good, cos we need you here.

-Yeah, is that right?

-Cheap barmen are hard to find.

-Oh, very funny! There goes me ribs.

-Right, cup of tea?

-Yeah.

Ho-ho-ho-ho!

You should be moving on.

Still got to catch up with some old friends.

Don't make life hard on yourself, Shirley.

You should keep out of my business, and move on.

And what business is that, Phil?

You scamming the Social Services to get your grandaughter,

or you moving in on Sharon?

I told you, she's just helping me get Lexi back, for Lola.

Yeah, cos you're all heart, aren't you?

Just don't get in my way, Shirley.

Thought I might stick around.

Don't want to miss the fireworks when they blow up in your face.

So, Joey's finished the milk. Again.

But it's all right. I'll get some on the way home,

and also I'll get something for dinner. What do you want?

Penny worth of scraps...

and ask the butcher for a couple of bones for the dog.

SHE GIGGLES

What?

When we were skint, my mum used to make out we had a dog.

She made beautiful beef soup.

Did your dog like soup?

-No.

-Nah, me neither. It's a bit...

a bit watery.

-I'm going out.

-Yeah, me too.

So... What should I get?

Don't worry about it, leave it to me.

About time I got my life back in order.

OK. Well, erm...

Just don't get soup, yeah?

# I'm a top scrubber, top scrubber, top scrubber... #

Oh, finally, your ambition fulfilled(!)

The Environmental Health said that my kitchen is spotless,

mouse free and ready to re-open.

Oh, so that's what passes for excitement these days,

having your work tops inspected?

Don't knock it!

The bed has got its breakfast back.

Time to start making money again.

Right, so you've come back in here to stock up again?

No, I'll do that at the cash and carry.

Why? Support your local shop.

Yeah, but you don't stock the range that I want, do you?

You see, I like to give my customers choice.

Like Ray said, I am a service industry.

Yeah, well, we're all about the service.

You'd wouldn't have guessed it.

I'm so sorry Mr Beale, what can I do for you?

Gazette. Keep the change. Looks like you could do with it.

Well, you're not exactly rushed off your feet, are you?

It's the mid-morning lull.

You need to jazz this place up a bit, you know, D.

You know, big sign, funky lighting...

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, speaking.

What?

What, today?

Is there...?

Is there something wrong with the application?

Nah, nah, it's not a problem.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-'Hi. If you want to leave a message, please do so after the beep...'

Sharon. Sharon...

Give me a call, yeah? As soon as you get this message. Please.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-All right!

Where have you been? I've been knocking.

Really, that was you?

Who's rattled your cage?!

What do you want, Derek?

There's something wrong with my Alice.

-What do you want me to do about it?

-I want you to talk to her.

-You talk to her.

-I have!

She said there was nothing wrong.

Well, there's your answer.

Ah, but there is something wrong!

I'm her father, I can sense these things.

Well, you modern men...

Oi, oi, oi! I can do feelings with the best of them.

Only, on this occasion, I think a maiden aunt is called for.

Eh, you're not too old for a clip around the ear!

Please, Carol, talk to her.

I can't. I'm busy. Anyway, I'm going to work this afternoon.

Well, you can at least put the kettle on!

You got anything to eat?

No, seriously, you'll make a lovely little Santa's elf, you will.

Who's going to look after all the Christmas functions?

I can't be Santa's little helper and manage everything else.

Yeah, well, Tommy can't wait.

He won't go to bed in case Santa comes early, will he?

That's cos you've got him over excited.

Ah, you want over excited?

My nana, right?

She used to put the decorations up in November.

By Christmas, we were ready to explode.

All kids need their sleep.

Stacey and Sean were in bed by 7pm every night.

Thanks to Brian...

Jean, you know better than anybody. Tommy hates going to bed.

-Well, you should be stricter with him.

-Yeah? Well, I can't.

Do you want to know what works?

Go on.

A story, and one of those scented candles.

Before you know it, he's away with the fairies.

Ask Kat.

He slept like an angel when you were away.

Did you find everything you were looking for today?

Yes, I did, thank you.

Good.

And...would you say that you come in here

because of our good value, we're local, or our product range?

Oh! OK, well... Erm, that one.

I couldn't be bothered to go to the High Street.

OK. OK, I can work with that.

-Business quiet?

-No, it's dead.

Money's tight, Denise.

I specialise in the essentials. I ain't even selling them.

Well, maybe if I... jazzed the place up a bit?

Oi, oi, oi! You sound like Kim now, OK?

You need a... I don't know... A gimmick...?

An angle!

-Now you sound like Alfie.

-Very funny.

Sharon! Sharon!

How can anyone lose a stiletto in a toilet, eh?

-Social services are calling round.

-So?

Well, they suddenly decide to come round and see us?

I reckon they've had a tip off. They're trying to catch us out.

A tip off? We're planning to foster, not the Brink's Mat robbery.

If someone's told them we ain't together, that's it. It's over.

You sure it's not an appointment you forgot to write down?

Nah, nah, nah. Anyway, it's a different geezer.

Why would they send round a new social worker, eh?

I reckon Jack's called them.

No, Jack wouldn't!

-All right, well, Shirley, then?

-Look, it doesn't matter.

She can say what she likes, as long as we stick to our story.

Maybe she's just missing her mum.

Her mum?!

Why?

I was in the nick for ten years and I never missed her once!

Yeah, well, thankfully, Alice don't take after you.

She's talking about moving back there.

Oh, I can't blame her.

I mean, she's in a different house, in a different area,

she's got none of her old mates around her...

She's got me!

-What more does she want?

-Oh, yeah, well, where do I begin, Derek?

All right, I concede that maybe she might need

the influence of another woman, occasionally.

-Move in with us.

-Move in with you?!

Yeah, it makes perfect sense.

Oh, right. Alice gets a mum and you get a cook and a cleaner.

No, Alice can help with some of the cleaning...

-Oh, great!

-Come on, Carol.

No, Derek. I am not going to move in with YOU.

What are you going to do here? I mean, you're only a skivvy here.

Oi! Thank you.

Look, Bianca will be all right.

All she needs is a bit of re-adjusting time.

And what's going to happen to you then?

You must be tired of looking after kids by now?

Yeah, that's why I'm staying away from you, Derek.

-I'll pay you.

-I've got a job, thank you!

Oh, come on, Carol, please. I need you.

No.

All right, all right. We'll sort out a proper wage.

Parenting is not about money, Derek.

And if it was, you couldn't afford me.

Alfie?

-Yes?

-Tommy's being a real grouch, so I'm going to feed him

and see if that cheers him up. Do you want anything?

-No, no, I'm good. Why don't you let him have a nap?

-If only!

-Or you could light one of those candles, couldn't you?

-Candles?

I don't know. Jean was going on about some... What are they?

Scented candles that help him sleep.

I ain't got any more left.

-Tell me where you got them, I'll go and get some.

-I can't remember!

Oh, well, why don't you try and remember?

Darling, it's worth a try if it's going to help him sleep.

-Where was it? The market, the Minute Mart...?

-Yeah, the Minute Mart.

-They were on special offer.

-Right.

Why can't you and Kat just fill out the order forms properly?

Sorry, I beg your pardon, I thought that was the job of the management?

That's very funny. Very funny.

Management might have to look at how many staff we employ.

Come on, Peroxide, you know you couldn't manage without me.

Kat managed all right whilst you were away.

Rox, come on, you know we're not over-staffed.

We are if people aren't drinking!

It was so quiet the first night you left, Kat had to shut early.

First I've heard of that.

Well, it's not just us.

I was talking to Denise, business is bad all over.

I'm telling you, we need a good Christmas.

So, how many people were in, then?

I don't know, I was at Aunt Sal's. Jean told me.

I don't know, maybe Kat was feeling unwell, or...?

Or what?

Oh, nothing. Nothing.

Are you two all right?

Yes, of course we are, darling.

We're solid as a rock. Rock of Gibraltar and all that...

THEY LAUGH

You could have these five oranges for £1, or,

special deal, cos you're my favourite, OK?

You can have 12 for £2.50.

-How's that?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

There you go, love. Wonderful.

-Thank you.

-Thank you. Merry Christmas.

You never forget how to sell.

Oh, that's very hygienic, isn't it?

Picking it up off the floor and then putting it back?

Tell you what, as it's Christmas...

Have one on the house.

Make sure you wash it before you eat it!

If I knew why this social worker was coming, I'd know what to say.

-I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

-I'm trying to do the right thing.

It seems like you're the only one that understands that.

-Phil, it'll be all right.

-Why don't people understand, eh?

The front that we've been putting up,

the lies we've telling, it's for Lexi, innit?

And why would anybody risk her future just to get one over on me?

Look, we don't know anyone said anything.

And even if they had, we'll deny it.

We'll show them we're together, and that we're both here for Lexi. OK?

You having a bad day, Lola?

Get used to it.

You're going to be a lot of those as you go through life.

But you're a mum. That's something special.

Yeah, but what if she forgets me?

What if she forgets what I look like, that I'm her mum...?

Kids know when they're loved.

Look, Shirl, I know you hate Phil,

but Lexi is my baby.

Please, please, don't stop her from coming home.

If there's any justice in this world...

..she'll be back in no time.

Motorbike courier?

Double glazing?

Interesting, but I don't quite see me in either of those jobs.

You have to think outside the box, Cora.

Cora, listen up, sweetheart,

I've got the perfect temporary position for you, OK?

Hear me out.

Uniform supplied, sociable hours and great job satisfaction, darling.

I do not want to be Santa Claus, thank you very much.

All right, elf helper?

Nah. I don't look good in green.

Well, it was worth a try, wasn't it, eh?

Laundrette manager.

Management. Now that's more me...

Isn't this Dot's old job?

Really?

Mr Popa... Popa...

Um, Cora,

I thought you were taking charge, getting in control?

How is sitting here drinking going to pay the rent?

I'm looking for a job! And this is orange juice.

What can I get you?

Oh, nothing. No, thanks.

Cora, you have so much to give,

and you're the sort of person that needs to keep active.

Give me a break, darling. I'm trying to get myself together.

Really, I am.

And I am being active!

I'm making the tea tonight, aren't I?

Remember, you wanted soup.

Did I?

I don't like soup...

Shall I get you something else, then?

Oh, yeah. Do you mind? Thanks. Thank you.

No, thank you.

-See you later, eh?

-Yeah, all right. See you later. Bye.

Well, don't over-do it.

They ain't been tipped off about my dusting, have they?

KNOCK AT DOOR Let me do the talking, yeah?

-We ain't going to be pushed around in our own house...

-Your house.

Remember, happy families, yeah?

Be strong and convince them we're ready to take care of Lexi.

Yeah, yeah. >

You've been expecting me, I'm from the Foster Team... >

This is Sharon. You're Mr...?

Call me Dave. I'm on the Foster Assessment team.

Just covering for Rick.

-Right.

-Excuse me.

So, er.. What do we owe the pleasure of this visit?

Just routine. If it's convenient?

Everything all right?

Why wouldn't it be?

No reason. Cup of tea?

Thanks.

I...I ain't got any milk.

Do you...want something else?

Like what?

I don't know, whatever...

Soft drink, obviously.

Horrible being judged, isn't it?

But don't worry, you do get used to it.

Relax.

We've got nothing to hide, have we?

I'm sure you haven't.

So, why today? Why the sudden visit?

I was just passing. I thought you'd want to keep the process moving...

You do still want to foster, don't you?

-Who have you been talking to?

-Yeah, of course we do!

We can't wait to have Lexi with us, can we?

Good. So let's start with a few questions,

a few things that weren't quite covered in your last interview...

ALFIE TUTS

Sorry, Denise, you can only consume foods

that are bought on the premises, I'm afraid.

The orange. I'm joking.

I'm kidding. What can I get you?

-Glass of white wine, please.

-All right, love, coming up.

Oh, I know what I mean to ask you. You do candles, don't you?

-Yeah, we do candles.

-You know, like, scented ones?

-Scented?

-Yeah, they help Tommy sleep

and apparently you had them on special offer.

No, we ain't got scented candles.

Really? It's just that Kat said that she got them from you...

-We could order you some!

-No, no, no.

Don't worry about it, it's fine.

Cheer up, might never happen.

Tell me something.

How many customers did you used to get a day in the charity shop?

It varied.

It was busiest in the evenings and weekends cos of the students.

And you never advertised?

No money for that.

People came for the market,

then they saw us, and we were cheaper.

You'll need to think about your circle of support.

Everyone's keen to help at first, but after a while,

it will be just the two of you.

You need to think about that when you prepare Lexi's care plan.

So, if I can write a nice plan, I get my grandaughter?

-It'll help.

-And that'll make me a good foster parent, will it?

You can't just think about the first few weeks.

Lexi could be with you for some time. You've got to think about the future.

Can you see what the future holds?

No, but you have to be prepared.

And life's panning out how you expected, is it?

I don't think we need to pry, darling...

I learned years ago that anything is possible,

but the impossible rarely happens.

Yeah, well...

Disappointment goes hand in hand with survival.

You've got to think about finances, too.

Kids are not cheap. You've got a wedding coming up, haven't you?

Yeah, yeah, we have.

But, as we said before, we've both got jobs, so I don't think money's going to be a problem.

Money don't come into it.

So, why go through it all again?

I know I wouldn't.

Kids are such hard work, even for a couple.

-She's family.

-She's a big responsibility.

-Are you sure you can both cope?

-Yeah.

On top of getting married,

could put a lot of strain on your relationship...

Well, kids can make a marriage.

I'm not sure I agree with you.

I've got one kid who refuses to go to school.

The other wants to be in a heavy metal band when she grows up.

You want stress, come round my house.

That's family life. It's what we love.

So, you didn't fancy the mid-life crisis, Phil?

Single life, bachelor pad, no ties?

No! No, he can't wait.

He's great with kids, probably better than I am.

Not everyone would agree with you.

You'll be great.

Some people round here would like to see me screw up.

Some of your friends don't think this is a good idea?

No.

Most people have been very supportive.

Have you thought that maybe they're right?

Maybe they can see things clearer than you two?

Or maybe they're just interfering...

We have thought about this very carefully

and we have the support of all our friends and family.

That's not true though, is it, Dave?

-Pardon?

-Somebody phone you up, did they?

Tell you that things weren't been right between me and Sharon?

You're going through a stressful time...

Well, most couples have their ups and downs.

I don't know what you've heard, but we'll work through it, won't we?

I don't care what you've heard, all right?

I want you to hear the truth from me.

Me and Sharon...

Me and Sharon, we've...

We've decided to call off the engagement.

So Tommy's asleep, then?

You'll be lucky!

He's got his toy tool kit out. He's taking the wardrobe apart.

Kat, he's a growing lad, he needs his kip, don't he?

You try!

So, er... Candles didn't work, then?

Eh?

You know... You know, Kat, the scented candles that he likes.

Look, I told you, I haven't got any more left.

Right. But you said the Minute Mart had them, right?

Yeah, that's right.

I'm going to read him a story. That always sends him off.

That's good.

I'm sorry to hear you guys have spilt up.

It's amicable, and Sharon still wants to be a part of Lexi's life.

Yeah, it... It was the right thing to do.

Well, thank you for your honesty.

I just want what's best for Lexi,

but if you want to know anything about me or my family,

you've only got to ask, and I'll put you straight.

That's good to know.

So, who told you?

-What?

-About me and Sharon?

No-one, and there's nothing in your notes.

But your application will have to be changed and reassessed

in the light of this new information.

So... What happens now?

Well, your application for Lexi

was based on you AND Sharon caring for her.

Obviously, we'll have to rewrite it

and at next week's family group conference,

you can decide how you'll meet Lexi's needs.

We'll be in touch.

Thanks.

-Could you get the door, please?

-Yeah, of course.

It was very nice to meet you.

Hello?

Can I speak to Mr...

Popadopoulos, please?

Why? Why would you do that?

Get in first.

Well, he didn't know anything. He thought we were a couple!

Well, now he's going to believe every word we tell him.

Yeah, and you could lose Lexi.

It was only a matter of time before somebody said something.

-It must have been Shirley.

-Or Jack.

No. No, he's OK with it. He knows why we're doing it, he wouldn't...

This morning, he said it was only a matter of time

before somebody grassed us up. Half an hour later I get the call...

No, Jack is not like that. He'd put Lexi first.

You really don't know him, do you?

Here.

You like to think of yourself as a bit of an entrepreneur, don't you?

Well, I've had my moments.

So, what elements do you think a business needs to succeed?

Well, the right product, right price...

right promotion.

Yeah, but where do you get punters if they're not coming in?

That's the beauty of the free economy. You steal someone else's.

Thanks, Ian. You know, it's good talking to an expert.

Oh, here you are.

You might be needing that.

HE GRUNTS

Sharon's all yours.

Well, she always was.

The engagement's off.

What? You worried Social Services might get a tip off?

No.

Cos they've already been told.

By me.

You? Why?

Because me and Sharon agree that some lowlife might grass us up.

And I don't like people thinking they can have one over on me.

Well, that makes a change, you doing the right thing.

Well, I hope so. For your sake.

Because if my grandaughter ends up in full time care,

I'm holding you personally responsible.

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