24/12/2012 EastEnders


24/12/2012

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Transcript


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Are you going to let her get away with this again?

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Mum, I feel like throttling the girl but what can I do?

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She was one drink away from getting her stomach pumped last night.

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Can I have five minutes alone with Tanya, please?

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But we've got to clear all of this up!

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Unless you want your guests to bring a mop and bucket.

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Just five minutes. Please.

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Come on.

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What are we going to do, Max?

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Honestly, I've never seen her like that before.

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We both know whose fault that is, don't we?

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You can't speak to Derek. You know you can't?

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One bad night, Max. That's all it takes.

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I mean, look at Billie.

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That's not going to happen to Lauren.

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How do we know that?

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Because she's got us, hasn't she?

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Abi!

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Right, I'll get it.

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Look at all this.

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-Hiya!

-Come in.

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I can't do it, Max. Not whilst she's in this state.

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What do you mean? What're you saying?

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We'll have to cancel the wedding.

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# Goin' to the chapel And we're gonna get married ... #

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It's Alice I feel sorry for.

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Imagine finding out your dad's a...

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philanderer.

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That ain't the word I'd use.

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So, you all set for later?

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I'm booked on the 7:27 train home.

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What are you going to do?

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What me? What, after the wedding of the year?

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The possibilities are endless, you know.

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I was thinking about having a sound clash with Patrick, you know,

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going tune for tune. And maybe crack open a few cans

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with that Polish guy at number four.

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Don't you worry about me, babe.

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Christmas in Walford is going to be off the chizay!

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-There ain't been any word from Social Services?

-No. No one's answering.

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-You'll have to go down there.

-No point. Office is closed for Christmas.

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-They said she was getting better!

-Since when did they keep their word?

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-So she ain't coming home today?

-Don't look like it.

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But I came back from Blackpool for a family Christmas!

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Well, looks like you've had a wasted journey.

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Listen, Christmas drinks round mine later, yeah? And no arguments.

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What's a few more days, eh?

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Where are you going?

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I thought I'd get a bit of fresh air.

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Maybe go and see Kim.

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Oh no, no, no. I don't think that's a good idea!

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All them people pointing and sneering.

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I tell you what, why don't you go back upstairs, eh?

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Get your head down for a few hours. Save your strength. Hmmm?

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Got a big day tomorrow.

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You know... you, me and Tommy...

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And Alice. We're going to be a proper family.

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Whoa! Whoa, hold on. What are you doing with all that?

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It's all right, it's all right, the wedding's off. Max says bin it.

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Because it's going to spoil anyway, innit?

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-You OK?

-Yeah, yeah. I'm good.

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I've got punters they'd give their right arm for... what is it?

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-Erm, I don't know, something with artichoke.

-OK.

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Alfie, you're not seriously thinking of opening up? Alfie?

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-No one died last time I checked.

-Alfie...

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It's the busiest time of the year. Of course I'm going to open up.

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-No-one's expecting you to be here.

-Where else am I going to be?

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Come on, I'm Alfie Moon!

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To most people round here I AM Christmas!

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No, no, no, Jean. Don't.

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Sorry. I'm sorry. It's just that I love Kat so much.

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She's done so much for me.

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Jean... Jean, Jean, look, it's OK. Yeah? OK.

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It's just that I didn't know. Hadn't a clue!

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Right under my nose.

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I mean, what she's done, Alfie, is absolutely unforgivable!

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OK. OK. Woo! Jean, what is it? What is it?

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-It's Christmas Eve, isn't it?

-Yeah.

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And we open in approximately one hour. I think we need mince pies.

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What else do we need? We need mistletoe...

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-I've got a stash of that!

-Right.

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I bet you have, you dirty mare!

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Right, come on, Mo. We've got a party to organise.

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Jean... do you think you could take the little man over to...

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over to his mum's for me?

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Jean....?

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I'll go with you.

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(Thank you.)

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Come on, let's get you on that sofa.

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I need to get dressed...

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Don't worry about all that.

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Did I do all this?

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Come on, you need some rest.

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I'm really sorry.

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I know you are, darling.

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What about the wedding...

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There's not going to be a wedding, Lauren.

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Because of me?

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Do you know, I never got any of those crackers.

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Or that brandy cream that my mum likes.

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I'm sorry, Dad.

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I've spoken to the photographer and the registrar, OK?

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And I've rung round all the guests.

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Yeah, we think we caught most of them in time.

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Thank you.

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Did they say whether I could have the same venue, different date?

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Well, you're looking at February at the earliest.

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You're kidding.

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It's silly, ain't it?

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I should be too old to get excited about this stuff, shouldn't I?

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It's just it feels like it's been the first thing in years

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that this family could celebrate, you know?

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Well, we can still have a nice day tomorrow, can't we?

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Yeah, course we can, darlin'.

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You going to be coming with Jack? Bring Denny?

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Oh well, I did say I'd go and see Phil.

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How about I try and do both?

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-Yeah?

-Yeah, that'd be great.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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I've packed his rabbit

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and the stocking that he made for Santa.

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How's Alfie?

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How do you think?

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You all right, Jean?

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How could you do that to him?

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It's just as well that your mother ain't here cos she'd die of shame.

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-That ain't fair, Nan.

-I'll tell you what ain't fair, shall I?

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Listening to Alfie sobbing his heart out most of the night.

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Mummy's missed you.

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I know it ain't much fun but we've got to make the best of it, eh?

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How about we go and see Father Christmas in his grotto, yeah?

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Fats, how's it going over there, mate?

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Oh, you know, man, just ticking over.

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-Winner takes the day's takings remember?

-Hey, hey, hey,

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there's only one person going home to an empty stocking, all right?

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-How selfish is that?

-What?

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Cancelling the wedding just as I've bought a new dress.

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So, what do you think happened?

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Chances are it's that brother of his, innit.

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Tyler, you should be ashamed of yourself, working for that old toad.

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Business is business, Kim.

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You know what you need?

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Kimmy, the three wise men themselves could not dig me out of this hole.

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Sex. And I'm just the girl for the job.

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Kim, I'm friends with Ray! I work with Ray!

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Why would you...?

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All right, Kim?

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Who's that from?

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From Dot.

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I've tried to fix this but...

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... Abi's just better at sewing, ain't she?

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Dad, please don't hate me!

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I know I should've told you about me and Joey but...

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Why did Mum lie to me?

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She was trying to protect you from Derek, that's why.

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And I've ruined everything.

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Just like I always do every Christmas.

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It's not always down to you, is it?

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I miss him.

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Yeah, I know.

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Mum was so excited, wasn't she, about the wedding?

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Abi.

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Stick those in water, will you?

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Keep an eye on Lauren.

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-Where're you going?

-I've got to pop out. Sort some stuff out.

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-I can come with you if you want?

-No, you stay here.

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You get some rest, all right?

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Is that my sister under there?

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Well, what do you think? Santa's bootylicious fairy.

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More like Mavis out of Willo the Wisp.

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Come and pull a cracker, boys!

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Kim is here to make sure your Christmas starts off with a bang!

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-That's a bit desperate, ain't it?

-Mate. Sex sells, yeah?

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Come and pull a cracker, gents!

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Kat?

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-How's my little Christmas Elf, eh?

-NEXT!

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You can take him in if you want.

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Come on, buddy. Come on Amy, let's go and see Father Christmas, yeah?

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Yeah, come on then.

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I think Santa's had one too many, to be honest with you!

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We should be getting back to the pub, yeah?

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Yeah. I know, mate.

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Listen buddy, I know - you have a good time tomorrow, yeah?

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Make sure you leave your stocking out for Santa Claus.

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And you leave out some milk and carrots for Rudolph, yeah?

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Or you can even leave him a beer, yeah?

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Kisses? Kisses?

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Thanks, mate. I'm going to miss you, OK? OK.

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Here you go. Come on, let's go.

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Go.

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Didn't that voice message mean anything to you?

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-You better say something you know.

-Yeah, I will.

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It's all right for you. Going to Blackpool.

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-I'm the one that's had to deal with him.

-OK!

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Have you seen who's on the telly? Come and have a look.

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Go. Go.

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We ain't staying long.

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No. Lola's meeting some mates.

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-Is this it?

-Oh, here you go. Help yourself.

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-No tree?

-Waste of money, ain't it?

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Merry flamin' Christmas.

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Listen, Phil... Me and Lola - the thing is, we...

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Why've you brought us here?

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I don't get it.

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Well, I weren't going to bring you here for nothing, was I?

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BABY COOS

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Hello!

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Oh, Merry Christmas, baby girl! Hello.

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Thanks, Phil.

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Hey, look at you!

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Just come and see us, all right?

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Miss you. Come again. Thank you.

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You said it yourself, mate. Sex sells.

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Ladies, we've got a two for one offer. Kimmy! Kim!

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All right. Here. I've got a load of ribbon here, yeah?

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Who wants to tie me up? Or untie me?

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You want to tinkle with my tinsel?

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You want to play with my bauble?

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You know what? Kimmy, Kimmy, just give it up, man.

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Just forget it.

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-No, no, no, no.

-Forget it.

-Who wants to feel up my leg?

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Look at that, eh? Proper little domestic goddess.

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Do us a favour, Angel. Go and wake Kat up for me?

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She's not here.

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I saw her go out a few hours ago.

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Here he is. My brother from another mother.

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-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm great.

-Yeah?

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Right, so, great. Hand them over then.

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Winner takes today's takings.

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That WAS the agreement, wasn't it?

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-That's right.

-OK, lovely. Thank you.

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Right, I better get counting then.

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I wouldn't bother. See, this stud muffin,

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he's had 'em queuing round the block for a bite of his mince pies.

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And the market's being dismantled now, so there's no chance.

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-So, I'm sorry, Alf.

-It's OK. It's not over till the fat lady sings.

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Mo - start warming up!

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Are you still having this stupid wager with Derek?

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Hey, I never go back on my word, Rox.

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After everything he's done to you?

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-You all right, Alf?

-He's fine.

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Alf, we're all on your side, mate.

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Come on. Who wants a glass of Mo's finest Christmas punch, eh?

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Guaranteed to blow your brains out.

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Oh, come on, you miserable lot! Have you've forgotten? It's Christmas!

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It's Christmas. Come on. Kimberley, give us a tune, sweetheart!

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I'll have myself some of that punch, Alfie.

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SHE PURRS

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# Rockin' around The Christmas tree

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# At the Christmas party hop

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# Mistletoe hung where you can see

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# As the couples try to stop... #

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I hate Christmas.

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You want to be careful stood here.

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If people catch you talking to me, they'll have you flogged.

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The problem with people round here, they're all too quick to judge.

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They've got a point though, haven't they?

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I broke his heart.

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That's the good thing about hearts.

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They mend. I should know. I've been trampled on enough.

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Don't make it right though, does it? What I did.

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You want him back?

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Course I do.

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Just give it a bit of time.

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Then what?

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You FIGHT for him.

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I'm frightened, Shirl.

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Here, what you doing out here in the cold, eh?

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Come on, let's get you back inside.

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We've got a big day tomorrow.

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-Two jugs of Mo's punch.

-Where would I be without you, eh, Pe-Roxide?

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-So which one are you? Roasted or mashed?

-What?

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You can tell a lot about a girl by what kind of potato she likes.

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Christmas dinner tomorrow.

0:20:070:20:09

Play your cards right, I might let you pull my cracker.

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-Yeah!

-Oi, oi, oi!

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If I can have your attention please, ladies and gentlemen?

0:20:150:20:19

Here she is. Carol flamin' Vorderman.

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What exactly have you come as?

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A Christmas fairy.

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We'll stick you on the tree in the Square next year.

0:20:270:20:29

OK, it turns out that we have a landslide victory

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-for one of our boys.

-Well done, brother.

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OK, first off we have Fatboy

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with takings of £334.22.

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CHEERING

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And then we have Tyler.

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All right, drum roll, please.

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Lovely Tyler, with a grand total of £276.03.

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Alfie and Fatboy are our winners.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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How did that happen, man? You had that in the bag.

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Hey, listen man, I don't need your charity.

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I didn't do it for you.

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I done it for Alfie.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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There we go, 54 pigs in blankets as promised.

0:21:490:21:52

I'll put them in the kitchen, shall I?

0:21:520:21:54

-Now I don't know what's been going on...

-Let me explain then, shall I?

0:22:010:22:04

You've been blackmailing Tanya. What's wrong with you, Del?

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What? You forcing her to break my daughter's heart so you could get back at Joey?

0:22:090:22:13

Look, we reached an agreement.

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As far as I'm concerned, everyone's a winner.

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Joey's out the picture.

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Lauren's free to find herself a proper boyfriend.

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Preferably one outside the family. What's the matter with you?

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You should be thanking me!

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Get out of my sight, Del.

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Why don't we just let bygones be bygones

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-and all have a nice Christmas dinner tomorrow?

-No, no...

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No, no, Del. You ain't welcome in this house.

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Do you hear me?

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It's a tradition, Max.

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Me as head of the family, carving the turkey.

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Del, have you listened to a word I've said? You ain't welcome to set a foot in this house.

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-Now do one.

-Do one?

-Yeah.

0:22:510:22:55

All right, let's see, shall we?

0:22:550:22:58

What would you rather?

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Christmas with your Lauren behind bars.

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Oh right, here we go.

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And what about Tanya?

0:23:040:23:06

How many more times is that poor woman going to have to forgive you?

0:23:060:23:10

So you're standing there and you're going to threaten me now, are you?

0:23:100:23:14

Yeah.

0:23:140:23:16

All right, Del. Here's what we're going to do, all right?

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You're going to get one more day as head of this family.

0:23:220:23:26

One more day then that's it. We're through.

0:23:260:23:28

You don't mean that.

0:23:290:23:30

Don't I? Me, Jack, Carol. We're all through with you, mate.

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Joey's gone. Alice has had it up to here with you. Kat...

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Don't you dare mention that woman's name.

0:23:370:23:39

I give it a week before she's on the first bus out of here.

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Oh, do you?

0:23:420:23:43

You've got 24 hours, Derek.

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You've got 24 hours and counting.

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HE CHUCKLES

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DOOR SLAMS

0:24:130:24:15

What are you doing? You're supposed to be on the train back home!

0:24:300:24:33

Yeah, I was, but I remembered I left something behind.

0:24:330:24:36

What was it? Do you want me to help you find it?

0:24:360:24:38

She's talking about you, you muppet!

0:24:380:24:40

You were talking about me? Come here.

0:24:400:24:43

CHEERING

0:24:430:24:45

What does this mean exactly?

0:24:490:24:52

I mean, just in case any of these lot ask.

0:24:520:24:55

I think it's what Mrs Branning would call going steady?

0:24:550:24:59

Yeah?

0:24:590:25:00

Right, that's time, folks. Time.

0:25:000:25:03

What, Alfie?

0:25:030:25:04

Time to go home. Goodnight.

0:25:040:25:07

I got here just in time then.

0:25:070:25:11

-Unless of course...

-Unless...

0:25:210:25:25

Jean, close the curtains. We're going to have a lock-in!

0:25:270:25:31

Stick on the lights on the Christmas tree, Shirley! Come on.

0:25:310:25:37

Just call me Mamma Christmas!

0:25:390:25:43

Daddy.

0:26:570:26:59

I don't even like Brussels sprouts.

0:27:020:27:05

No, me neither.

0:27:050:27:07

So why're we having them then?

0:27:070:27:09

It's tradition, isn't it?

0:27:090:27:11

All right, Lauren. How are you feeling?

0:27:210:27:24

What time is it?

0:27:240:27:25

Just gone 11.

0:27:270:27:28

I can't believe I've missed, like, the whole of Christmas Eve.

0:27:290:27:32

That's all right. You ain't missed much.

0:27:320:27:35

Your Nan's had one too many and your mum's stressing about tomorrow.

0:27:350:27:38

Do you remember when I let you and Abi open a present on Christmas Eve?

0:27:390:27:42

Yeah...

0:27:440:27:46

Well, go on then.

0:27:460:27:50

How about that one?

0:28:030:28:05

I don't understand.

0:28:200:28:21

I'm going to marry your mum tomorrow,

0:28:240:28:27

but it's our secret, all right?

0:28:270:28:29

See? You haven't ruined everything.

0:28:310:28:34

We're going to get our Christmas, Lauren.

0:28:360:28:39

Good girl.

0:28:430:28:45

It's me.

0:28:450:28:47

You'll find Max in Albert Square, Walford.

0:28:470:28:52

Call it an early Christmas present.

0:28:550:28:58

I'll even hand him to you myself.

0:29:000:29:02

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:29:090:29:12

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