10/01/2013 EastEnders

Honestly, Max, the way she looked at me!

You tried to pay her off! What do you expect?

If she thinks she's getting better of me...

-Tan, she don't think that.

-How do you know?

-Breakfast at the caff?

-I can't, babe. I'm skint.

You're not skint enough for this. Come on.

I know women like her.

-Er, you were supposed to be bringing me a coffee?

-It's there.

I know exactly how they think.

It's not like I have a Chemistry exam or anything, is it?

Ab!

Deal with it, Max. I want her gone. Today.

-So, B, where is she then?

-Look, Alfie, I'm not psychic!

-All I know is, Kat definitely isn't here, is she?

-OK, OK.

Hey, what do you say we go out for breakfast?

I'm sure Jean will look after Amy.

-Jean might be busy.

-Jean, sweetheart...

Now she's got nothing to clean.

Come on. Please, listen, listen... No Kat, no kids.

Just you and me, yeah? Before anyone else gets a bit of you.

It's just...I need to pop out, all right.

-This better be good.

-I need to see a man about a delivery.

I promise I won't be long.

THEY LAUGH

Oi. They're only doing community service. They're not monkeys!

They don't do tricks.

Cheers for that.

All right?

All right?

You all right, darling?

HE LAUGHS

Lovely day, innit?

Something funny?

Triangles. Proper complicated, or what?

Has Zainab been talking?

You know, I saw this film once, my mam had it on,

where this woman fell in love with her sister's husband.

I don't know what you've heard but it was nothing like...

The whole village got together and drove her out.

She had to go and live in a cowshed. Romantic or what?

I'm sorry, Alfie. I thought I could do this.

But I just can't.

Yeah. Kirsty! Max is here for you.

Can't keep you away, can I?

-Babe, please, this has got to stop.

-What has?

All this. You playing games. Mucking about.

Me? You're the one who just walked through the door.

You're winding Tanya up!

Wouldn't want that now, would we?

She wants it all sorted out, all right?

And what do you want? I know you, Max.

Kirsty, I'm going to marry Tanya again.

Well, then you're just going to have to get a divorce.

Yeah, well, I can't do that on my own, can I?

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come round tonight, all right? Dinner. We'll all discuss it.

Please?

-Where's Alfie? I want the rent.

-It's not due, Phil.

That weren't a question, I want the rent.

PHONE RINGS

I've finished the barrel store, do you want...?

You know it's not Alfie's fault

Sharon and Jack are getting married, don't you?

-Roxy, shall I start on the toilets?

-Alfie's out. He's with a buyer.

So you can whistle for your money for all I care.

Eh...I think Alfie went over to see Kat.

Shall I just start on the toilets?

I've let Bianca down and I've let you down.

You haven't let me down.

You didn't have to give me that job.

ALFIE SIGHS

I bet Roxy weren't happy with you but you just went ahead

and done it anyway, didn't you?

-Kat, Kat, she gave you that job herself.

-Course she did.

It had nothing to do with me. Ask Bianca.

Is she trying to rub my nose in it? She takes my pub, my husband...

Woah, stop.

Now she wants me to scrub her khazis?

Woah, woah, Kat, please.

I know you need the money and she knows you need the money.

You don't have to be scared of her, you know.

Don't I?

Well, she's not going to want me to do it now, is she?

Letting her down on the first day.

Listen, I can talk to her. She knows how hard it is.

I don't want her sympathy. I'm not having her thinking I'm charity.

No, it's nothing to do with charity, all right?

Why don't you start next week, yeah?

What about Bianca?

She won't want to do it on her own, will she?

I can talk to Bianca. I can sort it with Rox.

It's no problem.

Why are you always so nice to me?

You know, you're always welcome in the Vic.

You know that, don't you?

And you and me.

We're OK.

Excuse me.

Oh... Well, don't push yourself too hard, will you(?)

Right. 14 caulis, nine red cabbage, seven pounds of Maris Pipers.

And it's only just gone 10.00 in the morning!

Oh, you've heard the fat lady singing, have you? Have you?

You know, if I'm going to be gossiped about...

I was not gossiping! Ayesha must have overheard.

Well, I may as well be gossiped about and be successful.

Morning, Mrs Masood.

Yes, morning, morning.

Regional Manager.

-SHE SCOFFS

-You?

Yes, me. Applications close next week, so...

DENISE GIGGLES

Move!

Nah, nah, nah, you want the raspberry and the passion fruit.

-Orange one's for sheep.

-Dexter. What are you doing here?

I owe you a fiver, remember.

-You all right?

-Yeah. All sorted?

-Yeah, yeah.

They messed up with the order so I just had...

-Don't lie to me.

-You what?

-I said don't lie to me, Alfie!

OK, hear me out. I just didn't want to upset you, OK?

Well, you didn't do a very good job, did you?

Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't know it was meant to be a secret.

No, no, no, it's not a secret.

No, it's not. It's just something Alfie lied about.

OK, so it's a secret.

Where is Kat anyway? Still putting her make-up on?

-Bianca!

-Don't take it out on Bianca.

-I'm not!

If you want to go and see Kat, then go and see her.

-Rox, I don't want to see Kat!

-Er, you've just been round there!

Yeah, because she didn't turn up for work!

So why can't you just tell me that?

I-I-I don't know! You wanted me all to yourself.

-But you chose Kat, didn't you?

-You want me to turn my back on her?

-Don't make this about me.

-I'm not.

Yes, you are. And you are the one who lied. Not me.

Rox, stop. Now, why...?

I'm so sorry.

It's all right.

He looked like he was going to explode!

I don't care what Phil thinks.

He's still got a bit of a thing for you, hasn't he?

New Year's Day, he proposed.

No! You're kidding me. What happened?

I've just had Max round.

Right. All sorted then?

All sorted.

Good.

I'm coming to dinner this evening.

Discuss the whole situation properly.

Max did tell you about the dinner?

It was my idea. So we'll see you about 6.00 then?

Max invited Kirsty to dinner?

Can you believe that?! Well, you're going to come an' all.

Babe, I can't, Tan, I'm working.

Really? I want everyone there. I want the whole family there.

Come on, are you sure that's wise?

Yeah. Yeah. She wants dinner? She can come and have dinner.

She can come round and see exactly what Max has got.

Then maybe she'll give up.

I still don't see why we needed to get another cleaner.

Jean, Jean, please, darling.

It's just that Roxy thought you needed a break, that's all.

Nobody asked me if I needed a break! I mean, at least I turn up.

-Same time tomorrow?

-And will Kat be joining you?

Drop it. Drop it now, OK? Stop.

HE SIGHS

Sorry, B. I've spoken to Kat. It's fine. She can start next week.

Oh, yeah. Cos it isn't half hard work,

trying to clean this whole pub all on your own.

I know, I'll make it up to you with the extra hours.

-Yeah? Is Roxy all right about that?

-Yeah, she's fine. She's good.

-Oh, good. See you later then. Thanks.

-Yeah. See ya.

It isn't easy, is it?

No, I get that, I do. It's just, I don't know...

You've got to give them space.

Let them work it out, make their mistakes.

Yeah, but what if every time...is he always going to choose her?

Who does he live with? Who does he wake up next to?

They've got a kid together, haven't they?

You don't want it all to end up in a custody battle

like some idiots, do ya?

SHE LAUGHS

No. Why couldn't we do this years ago? Just sit and talk.

I think back then you didn't know how to listen.

Ah, that's very funny.

Oi. Congratulations.

-Will you just be there, OK?

-I've got my exam!

It's not tonight, is it?

I thought we were going to the cinema.

You can go tomorrow. 6.00. Dinner. More the merrier.

I thought you had an exam?

I'm on study period. Final revision.

They are doing my head in out there, I tell you.

I've um...do you remember when the other day I dropped that tenner?

Do you know how hard it is trying to get chewing gum off the pavement?

Look, Jay...

Right. Printed off my application form

so I've just got to get these filled in now.

-Put these up there.

-How about here, Aunty?

OK, some here some there. Up, down.

-It doesn't matter. Put them...

-What are you doing?

-Retail theory.

-It's a corner shop.

I saw this programme on television, right.

They said that people shop in an anti-clockwise matter.

Which means you should put everything that they need

at the end of their trip.

That way they have to walk through the whole shop.

So people start shopping at the till then, do they?

Right, I have sold 14 big bags of carrots

and I think you've sold one small sweet potato.

Things getting desperate now, are they?

Retail theory!

Well, I'm sure the people at Head Office

will be very pleased with my ideas.

-Oh, yeah?

-SHE LAUGHS

You're going after my job, aren't you?

-You going to help her revise?

-You're being so embarrassing.

I'm not hitting on your girl, you know.

-You didn't tell me he was back.

-It didn't seem important.

-Have you got fluff in your ears or something?

-Hang on, hang on.

You're going out with another boy and it don't seem important?

-We're not going out!

-We're having a coffee.

-Am I talking to you?

-You don't own me.

If I was going out with another girl, would you be happy?

We're not going out!

Would you stop being such an idiot! I'll see you later.

We're due at mum's at 6.00. Dinner. Remember?

-You might be. I'm not due anywhere.

-Jay!

No. "You don't own me." Why don't you take one of your new pals?

Maybe I will!

What is his problem?

-Brave man, Jack.

-Yeah?

Ditched the last geezer at the altar, didn't she?

You're no stranger to that one yourself, are you?

Husband before that got murdered.

Yeah, and the last person who proposed to her got a knock-back.

That what she told you?

Yeah, well, there's no secrets between me and Sharon.

Let's be grown up about this, all right? Let's move on.

Mum, I said I wanted them cubed! Cubed I wanted.

Sliced, cubed, whatever.

No, not "whatever", Mum.

Cubed! Is there anything at all going on in that head?

-Babe, you told me to sort it out.

-That woman? Here, for dinner?

Right, fair enough. I'll call her, cancel.

No! No, you're not getting out of it now.

You and Nan are cooking?

Oh, yeah, your dad's wife's coming for dinner.

She isn't my wife!

All right, well, she is my wife. But not like that.

-It wasn't worth coming back here, was it?

-No.

Eh, no, no. You're not going anywhere.

You can't honestly think we're staying?

-Yes. You're having your dinner here.

-I'm not really up for that.

-She wants a war, she can have a war.

-No-one wants a war.

Then after dinner, the three of us will sit and plan your divorce.

But before that, she can have some nice food, nice drink.

And she can get to see what she's taking on.

-The whole family. Warm and united.

-Pushing your luck on that one.

Mum, would you just cube them?

-I need this job, Zee.

-What, and I don't?

To show Kim I'm not just hiding away.

-You did jump her boyfriend.

-I didn't jump him!

I responded.

-Maybe it was on the rebound.

-From who? Lucas?

It doesn't matter.

That's all I get, isn't it? The wrong people. At the wrong time.

Yes, because you look in the wrong places.

-So I need to focus on my career.

-And if I want to focus on mine?

My sister isn't speaking to me. I've got no family.

My kids never visit me. You, you've got everything.

What have I got? Just me.

I need this job, Zee. Please?

Oi, I want you two opposite ends of the table tonight.

-You're just cousins, all right?

-What, no footsie?

-Lauren!

No, she's all right. She's only messing around, isn't she.

-And no drinking either.

-What? Drinking? Me?

You heard her.

-Hiya.

-You all right, Abs?

Another 30 seconds, I was going to call out a search party for you.

Oh, the exam went fine. Thanks for asking.

-I'm so sorry, Abi. I forgot.

-DOOR CLOSES

Jay is that you, darling? Hello. I'm sorry.

Abs, this is a really bad time.

Well, this is my friend. Dexter. The more the merrier, you said.

Mrs Branning...

Hello, darling. It's Miss Cross, actually.

-Mrs Branning soon, again.

-FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Course you are. Funny how dinner parties grow, isn't it?

Phil! Phil, look, last night.

I didn't mean you to find out like that.

-Don't bother me.

-No, I wanted to tell you myself, you know.

Save it, Sharon! Cos I'm not interested.

Never did do feelings, did you?

Oi, oi, mush.

All right, mate?

Tell us, what's it like being in love with someone you can't have.

I'm not in love!

We're just talking about Denise's...you know, situation.

I actually wasn't talking about anything.

Home.

Please tell me that's not an application form.

Yes, it is. Now.

-You told me you would back out.

-I told you I would think about it.

And I have thought about it and may the best woman win.

Right, that's one stall, completely sold out!

And you have sold... two sweet potatoes. Loser!

I'd rather that you did not speak to Ayesha about your private life.

I'm not the one talking about my private life though, am I?

-I'm not judging you, Denise.

-Not much, you're not.

-People are gossiping.

-Like you, you mean?

And seeing as I'm Ayesha's chaperone...

I think it is best for everyone if you find somewhere else to stay.

Tough day at the office?

Oh, is that what you think, is it? Tough day at the office?

Well, it sounded like...

My sister thinks I made a move on her boyfriend.

-Which I didn't, he kissed me.

-I didn't know.

And I shouldn't have responded but I did and I'm sorry.

And I've said I'm sorry but she's treating me like

I'm some sort of a marriage wrecker, which, quite frankly,

if it takes one little kiss, then it can't have been

much of a marriage to wreck.

So, no, I'm not living there any more, am I?

I'm living at Zainab's, who's meant to be a friend.

Yeah, but she...?

And like any true friend, she looks down her nose at me

and she judges me and she gives me that look.

And it's not like she's ever done anything wrong, has she?

Oh, no. I'm a bad influence and, Ian, she's after my job.

My new job.

You know, a teeny bit of happiness. A little bit of something, you know.

Just for me.

She wants that too, and she wants me out of the house.

So, I tell you what, I've got no sister and I've got nowhere to live.

And you! You come in here all smug about a tough day at the office

and carping on about two poxy sweet potatoes!

I was going to ask if you wanted someone to talk to.

ALFIE CLEARS THROAT

Oi. You're such a big softy.

Listen, sweetheart, I just want to say about this morning,

that I'm really sorry, all right?

It's all right. I don't need big gestures, all right?

Has someone died?

So you two, you're at Sixth Form together, are you?

-She's very clever, my Abi.

-Mum!

Well, you are, aren't you? She's going to be a vet.

-Maybe a doctor.

-Anything but a hairdresser!

Actually, we just met on the street.

What's that mean, you met on the street?

They're just friends, Max!

That's Max. So protective.

No, I'm not being protective, I'm just making conversation, aren't I?

A boy and a girl can just be friends, you know?

Er, we are still here.

You never had any boys that were just friends at that age.

Yeah, thanks, Mum.

SHE SNIGGERS

She was very popular...my daughter.

I can imagine.

Were you?

Do you want some more potatoes, Kirsty?

No, thanks. I don't eat portions that size.

I'll have some. I think these are sick.

You can come again.

Didn't realise it was going to be such a big do, Tanya.

Thought it was just going to be the three of us.

Oh, well, you know what it's like.

One big, busy, happy family, you know. Everyone in and out.

You got a family to get back to?

No-one who'll miss me.

GLASS CLINKS

Oscar!

Don't worry, darling. Never mind. It's all right.

You get used to it, don't you. This sort of thing.

When you've got kids.

-Sorry.

-Good boy.

DOORBELL RINGS

-You wet?

-No.

You, erm...

Look, there's a spare bed upstairs if you need it.

Thank you.

I came to say something to Abi.

I didn't realise you were all having...

-Just a friend, is he?

-Jay!

Sorry, I thought you two would have met?

-You told her to bring me.

-Why don't you shut your mouth?

-He's my friend. Leave him.

-You're sat next to my girlfriend.

-Yeah. What?

-You're sat next to my girlfriend!

What you doing? Out!

-I'm going! I bought you flowers!

-You can take them with you an' all.

Let's get you something for that eye.

HE PANTS

All go here, isn't it?

About what you said yesterday.

You going to clean my money?

I've got a better idea.

OK, OK, this is civilised.

-Lovely.

-Yeah, lovely.

You want to come and read Tommy a story?

Alfie's working tonight.

That your name above the door is it, Essex?

-Kat.

-You're not his boss.

-Actually, I am.

This isn't very nice, is it?

You always loved reading Tommy stories, didn't you?

Always made me laugh.

You know what, I'm just going to go and collect some glasses, yeah?

-Lying in bed, making up stories.

-You don't have to do that.

Come over, he said. "You and me. We're good."

Woah. That's not how I said it, darling.

Alfie's always right. Saint Alfie.

Why don't you just come in Monday, Kat, and do your job, yeah?

Yeah? Why don't you do your job? I don't need your charity!

This is not a charity!

You come in here, standing in my shoes, stealing my husband?

-And you look down that at me.

-Is that what you really think?

-That's enough! That's enough!

-Don't you dare defend her!

I'm not talking to you! I'm not...I'm talking to you.

That's enough, all right?

What you going to do, are you going to throw me out my own pub?

No, I'm not going to have you sitting in here talking to Roxy like that.

You understand me?

Let's get you home, eh?

DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get it.

Joey, he ain't coming back in here, all right?

DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN

Never like this when you lived with me, was it?

Ava!

Oh, hello. We were just having a little family dinner.

I can see.

-This is my sister.

-Half sister.

-Ava.

-Can I get you a drink?

I'm not stopping.

This is my... Oh, this is my... This is Max.

-He's my husband.

-Soon to be mine again.

This is Lauren, my oldest. In fact, you've almost met. Sort of.

Is that what this is all about? Let's play happy families?

This is Abi. This is my youngest daughter.

Hello. We've met.

-You had no right.

-Sorry?

-Why don't I get us all a drink, huh?

Did you think I wouldn't find out?

Oh, it was just a spur of the moment thing.

I didn't even think to invite you.

-Another time, yeah?

-I said when the time was right.

You think I'm missing a moment?

This is all just a game to you, isn't it?

Why are you always going behind people's backs?

-That's what it's like round here.

-Lauren, will you shut up!

Look at you, Tanya! Your husband isn't even your husband.

So don't come trying to mess up my family as well.

No, look, I'm not. How have I messed up your family?

-Leave it, Tanya.

-No. I'm really sorry...

I am really sorry that I didn't think to invite you....

Is that what you think this is about?

You think this is about me wanting an invite

to your silly little dinner?

Well, if it's not, then I don't know what this is about.

-I found this address. On his laptop.

-On who..? Who's he?

You all right, Mum?

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