02/05/2013 EastEnders

BABY GURGLES

JANINE EXHALES AND GROANS

(Stupid shoe!)

Hi.

Hello.

It's OK. Hello.

Oh...

..there it is.

Just breathe.

OK.

ALARM BEEPS

Morning, Princess.

Morning, Pops.

Ah!

-Happy birthday.

-Thank you.

Come here.

You shouldn't have, you know? You really shouldn't have.

(That's great. Cheers. Thanks.)

APPROACHING VOICES

Sharon? Sharon? >

Hi.

You're in early.

Yeah, yeah, got a lot of work to do.

Did Denny get to school OK?

Yeah, yeah, and Tanya's going to pick him up.

Right, well, I said he could have a sleepover with Oscar.

-You two seem to be getting on better.

-Yeah, well, I suppose he...

I suppose he knows I'm going to be sticking around for a bit.

Unlike some people I could mention. So, we still on for lunch?

You sure that's a good idea?

Listen, we're back together, ain't we?

-People are just going to have to get used to it.

-Yeah.

-See you in the Vic, yeah?

-Don't be late!

-No.

-I bought it on the market.

-Yeah?

-If you don't like it, I can always just...

-I love it. I love it.

All right.

Listen, I was thinking. Maybe we could do something special tonight?

-I thought you didn't want to make a fuss?

-Did I?

Well, yeah. If I was you,

I wouldn't want my friends and family knowing how old I am either!

Yeah, I know but, you know,

they're obviously going to want to celebrate it, aren't they?

Yeah, I suppose.

Well, we could just go for a quick drink in the Vic later, yeah?

-Yeah.

-I've got Lexi in the morning and work in the afternoon,

-so I'll meet you here after, right?

-Right!

-Right, see ya.

See you later. Bye. DOOR CLOSES

No, I'm going to work, Mum.

Thank you.

-How are you doing?

-Good. Yeah, good.

I'd stop and chat but I've got to get to work. Later, yeah?

See you, darling.

Let me know if you ever want another game of crib.

You need to let me win my money back.

I just want to get to know my grandson, that's all.

Well, he's managed just fine without you up to now.

Didn't have much choice, did he?

You know what? I'd never come between the two of you.

You know that, don't you?

Which part of "back off" do you NOT understand?

SHE EXHALES

Cup of tea when you're ready, darling.

-I think you should apologise.

-So it's my fault now?

Well, you did take the joke too far.

Come off it, Kat, you was laughing as well!

Coffee, Marie. Strong, please.

I could do without it -

I ain't heard from Liam, I've got Tyler kipping on my sofa...

-Tyler?!

-Yeah, Janine's kicked him out.

Well, look on the bright side. We've still got our stock.

What good is stock without a stall to sell it on?

Right, well, we'll just have to talk Lister round.

What makes you think he'll listen?

Sitting here moaning ain't going to help, is it?

-Michael!

-Kathleen.

How did it go with Janine?

Let's just say I've moved out.

-What about Scarlett?

-What about Scarlett?

-You've got to fight for her!

-She's with her mother. It's for the best.

Best for who?

Have you finished? Can I go now?

You're just going to walk away?

I've moved on. Try to keep up, Kat.

That's what I like to see, a postman with a smile on his face.

You still on for tonight?

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

We could meet at the Vic, about seven? That is, unless you'd...?

No, no, the Vic's all right. I'll see you there.

Shouldn't you be delivering post?

Carol and I get along very well. We're not hurting anyone.

Don't mess it up this time.

Hey, Mr Masood.

Hey...

So, ain't you just a little bit... a little teeny-weeny bit jealous?

-Jealous?

-Yeah.

-Of my dad?

-Yeah.

-Don't you think it's time you got over Afia?

-I am...

-I am over Afia.

-Well GOOD!

Then let's find you some Walford hottie, huh?

-Yeah, why let dad have all the fun?

-Exactly, bruv.

But seriously, all you've got to do is just make yourself available.

-Would you trust me?

-I don't know what that means.

Just trust... Goodness.

All right, bell me a bit later then, at least.

What couldn't wait, eh? I've got a flat to show at ten.

Change of plan.

I need you to look after Scarlett,

-I've got a meeting with the solicitor.

-Eh? No, Janine.

-No...

-LISTEN, I've been kept up all night with her incessant crying!

Well, maybe she's missing her dad?

Look, can't you just put her in the creche for the day?

Yeah. Great, so that all the other mothers can see what a horrible job

-I'm making of everything?

-Look, I know it ain't easy, all right?

Oh, Billy, what is that horrible smell?

All right, I'll take her for a little walk.

I only need an hour, just to get myself sorted. Nappies.

Bye.

Happy birthday, Billy boy.

Jack saw sense, and you came running back to Phil.

-Phil and I are meant to be together.

-Look at you...

wrong side of 40, scared of being on your own.

How long do you think he's going to keep the nice act up for?

-Phil's changed.

-Phil will never change.

I think I know him better than anyone.

Then you know that he's going to let you down.

No matter what you do... how hard you try...

..it's just a matter of time.

What?! Surely Janine had to give you some notice?

-She did. Half hour.

-No...

..no, bruv, that is rubbish.

Nice seeing more of Whit, Fats,

-but you want to see the queue for the bathroom, mate.

-Oh, mate!

Mr Lister, wait up.

Mr Lister! Look, life's too short to bear a grudge.

-Come on, how long have we known each other now?

-TOO long!

See, I told you, there's no talking to him.

What did you expect? With your past misdemeanours?

You've always had it in for me, ain't you, eh?

Yeah, go on, Bianca, you tell him.

-Tamwar, are you going to let him do this?

-Don't drag me into this.

I should have kept up that exclusion order.

Oi, Lister, why don't you give them a break?

-What's it got to do with you?

-Just stay out of it, Billy.

-I'm only trying to help!

-Billy, we don't need you to fight our battles.

If you don't MIND, I have got work to do!

Well, I wish WE could say the same. How am I going to feed my kids?

Bianca, do you know what? You've made this ten times worse!

Someone special?

No, I just thought they might brighten the flat up a bit.

Erm, listen, I was wondering whether you...

whether you fancied meeting me for a drink tonight?

Me and you go out for a drink?

-It's my birthday.

-Oh, happy birthday!

I'm trying to keep it low key, you know? Don't want to make a fuss.

Sorry, Billy, I've got plans tonight.

Right, course. I mean, it's short notice, innit?

-Some other time, though.

-Yeah! Yeah, yeah, of course.

Aye-aye, dressed to impress, Bill!

You know me, always like to make an effort.

-Oh, you were definitely making an effort for Ava.

-Yeah, anyway...

-you two up for a drink tonight, in the Vic?

-No, babysitting, mate.

-You want to tell her who's boss.

-Like the way you tell Janine?

Well, Billy boy, me and Poppy will be in to show our faces,

to brighten up your evening.

Look at you two, all loved up!

When I was your age, I was playing the field.

-I'm surprised you can remember!

-FATS LAUGHS

Hold tight, what is that stink, man?

-Smells like toilet cleaner.

-Anyway, I'll maybe see you later, yeah?

Hold on a minute. Is that you? Is that your cologne?

You're making my eyes water, Bill!

All right, maybe I'll see you later, yeah?

What is that? Destruction for men?

THEY LAUGH

That's the distributor sorted.

Well, any grease monkey could have done that.

-Whatever. You're still making the tea, son.

-All right, heads up!

Gearbox. Valve body needs replacing.

That's going to take me all morning.

Well, you'd better get cracking, then, hadn't you?

Not so cocky now, are you, son?

Listen, mate...

I'm really sorry to hear about Scarlett.

This boxing club scheme of yours, it's nearly over, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to apply for some new funding.

-I wouldn't bother.

-You've lost me?

Your troubled teenagers, Ray, they take up valuable space.

What?!

Mate, you can't just chuck them back out on the street.

I know I can't...that's your job.

Look, it's supposed to be a charity.

I know, I know but, come on, put yourself in my position.

I'm trying to run a business here. I need to make changes.

I need to broaden our clientele.

-Let's see what Jack has to say about it, yeah?

-Jack's not here.

Yeah...

just thinking...

boxercise or something. Spin classes.

Nah, nah, nah, mate, you're going to need to invest in more equipment.

You know, sound system, decent changing rooms.

That might just be your trouble, Ray. You've got no vision.

You might want to let those kids down gently.

-All right, Phil?

-What's up?

Nothing. Just thought I'd pop in...

catch up, you know. Chew the fat.

I'm a bit busy.

Not too busy for a spot of lunch, though, eh?

Yeah, well, I said I'd see Sharon.

Hey, why don't we all go for a drink tonight?

It's been ages since we had a Mitchells' get together.

And who's going to look after Lexi?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Jay? We can make a night of it.

You, me, Lola.

I might try and spend the night with my gorgeous girl, thanks.

Right, another motor done!

Oh, look, that puts us level.

Right, I'm going to go for lunch. Unless you need a hand with that?

-Ta-da.

-See ya.

-So, what's this, then? Competition?

-Jay's idea of a bet.

Hey, how'd it be if I pushed a bit of work your way?

And where are YOU ever going to find me any business?

I've got cleaners on the payroll, ain't I?

You service their motors, you'll wipe the smile off his face.

-And what's in it for you?

-Mate's rates. No hidden extras.

But we ain't mates, are we?

Suit yourself...just trying to help.

Look, I'd need them done by the end of the day, though.

Right, well, I'd better make some calls, then.

All right, Sharon? What can I get you, darling?

-Just an orange juice, please.

-Yeah, make that two, please, Alfie.

-You're bang on time.

-Ah, look, the psycho and the sugar plum fairy.

Don't they make a lovely couple(?)

Oh, you've heard the good news, then?

Yeah, Jack dumped her and no-one else would have her.

-She puts it about a bit, don't she?

-You what?

-Just saying, I can't keep up.

-You want to watch your mouth!

Hardly been playing happy families yourself, have you?

-Here you go.

-Cheers.

-I've been looking for you everywhere.

-Well, you've found me.

I found this in my bag, Scarlett's teething ring.

Very good. And you've brought it to me because...?

-I thought you'd want to give it to her.

-No.

-You can't just act like she doesn't exist, Michael.

-Yes, I can.

Look, I've lost my job as well, because of Janine.

You're a clever girl, Alice. I'm sure you'll find something.

-You OK?

-Yes.

-You still here?

-Yeah, yeah, just doing a bit of business with Dexter.

Servicing motors for Butcher's Joints.

And we've got another two this afternoon.

-That ain't very fair, is it?

-Yeah, well, a bet's a bet, innit?

-And you just lost it, son.

-We're meant to be family.

Well, maybe I don't like being taken for granted?

You know why he's here, don't you? He's only trying to keep you sweet.

-Oi, never crossed my mind.

-He keeps you onside, then he's in there with Ava.

-No, no...

-He told me you fancy her.

-Oi, you've got me all wrong!

-He is playing you, mate.

-You think I don't know that?

You sort him out a few motors

and then you sort him out with your mum.

Bruv, I saw him coming a mile off!

Oh, this is nice, ain't it, eh? You try and do someone a favour...

Just so we're straight - my mum's too good for a loser like you.

So why don't you just back off, innit?

Nice one.

You all right, Ray?

Just give me a shout when you're ready to order, yeah?

-How's Lexi?

-With a child minder. Wanted you all to myself.

She'll be with Lola for good soon, won't she?

It's not too far.

The house is going to seem empty without her.

Not now you've got me and Denny.

Pops...you all right?

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Just another typical day.

I spent the whole morning babysitting...

..got humiliated in front of all the market,

and said all the wrong things to Ava.

Dexter's right...I'm a loser.

Yeah, well, I might have something to say about that.

I try and do right by people and yet everyone takes advantage of me.

Will you cheer up? It's your birthday.

Don't remind me. No-one else remembered, you know?

-Didn't even get a card off Peggy.

-Oh, forget about Peggy.

Come on, we can still celebrate, can't we?

No, no, no, no, it's too late now. The day's nearly over, innit?

Right, so you're just going to sit there like a little boy

and feel sorry for yourself, are you?

I think I might be having a midlife crisis.

Sorry, but I think it might be a bit late for that, don't you?

I'm 54 years old, Lola.

-50... Really?!

-What have I got to show for it?

Two ex-wives, and kids I hardly ever see.

Excuse me, you've got me, you've got Lexi,

and things are finally working out for us, ain't they?

Nothing ever works out for me...

..I'm no use to anyone.

Come here. I need you, don't I?

And I'm always going to need you, don't matter what happens.

What do you always say to me, eh? Don't let people put you down.

Hm-hm.

-Yeah, you're right. I am better than them.

-Yeah.

-Me and you are better than the lot of them.

-Of course we are.

-Yeah.

You know what? I'm going to show this square that I'm not a man...

No, obviously I am a man. I'm a man to be reckoned with.

Nobody makes a mug out of Billy Mitchell.

That's more like it.

-Right, I'm going to go and get ready, yeah?

-OK.

Oh! "Not a man"!

Look like you won, then, thanks to Billy.

Don't have to look so pleased about it.

It was a stupid bet, anyway.

You...

you coming to his party?

Why would I want to do that?

-I've got to be over the Vic by seven.

-You'd better run along, then, son.

Listen, Billy's all right. Just give him a break.

Bruv, you see me and my mum, yeah? We're all right as we are, innit?

It's not going to happen, bruv.

Right-o. Well, you know where I'll be, if you change your mind.

Bye.

OK, how many of these do I have to blow up?

Keep going, Peroxide. You're full of hot air!

Hello, hello, hello! Are we all ready for tonight, then?

Yes, darling, all ready to rock 'n' roll.

Come on, what do you reckon?

-It looks good.

-The cake's all sorted!

Good. And Pops still don't know anything, all right?

No, no, bearing in mind it's a SURPRISE.

Right, I'm bringing him here for seven.

Listen, do me a favour,

-when you get close by, text me or phone, or something.

-Yes, yes.

-But make sure you're ready, all right?

-I will. See you later.

-Tamwar said he wanted a girlfriend?

-Well...not in so many words, babe.

Right, well, it's going to have to be someone local,

cos long-distance relationships never work. I should know.

I went out with a guy from Theydon Bois once.

Theydon Bois? Yeah, you're better off out of that one, baby.

There is always my friend Yasmin.

Ain't that the one that's in therapy?

Oh, yeah, she does have issues...

and TERRIBLE psoriasis.

Yeah, you know what? Maybe this was a bad idea?

Oh, we were lonely hearts once, Fats.

There is someone out there for everyone...

even Tamwar.

Hey, you're doing a good job here.

You see, I'm not just a pretty face, am I?

-All right?

-Yeah.

-Tommy OK?

Yeah, Whitney's looking after him.

Be good for you to get out, won't it?

Kat, look, I'm really sorry. I was out of order.

-Tell Lister, not me.

-He really gets on my nerves.

Yeah. well, he ain't worth falling out over, is he?

-I need a drink.

-We'll worry about the stall tomorrow, yeah?

Yeah. Mum...

I'm really surprised you've got the nerve to show your face!

-It's quite a turnout.

-Let's hope he appreciates it.

All right? Where is the birthday boy, then?

I ain't got a clue.

I'm sure he'll be here soon.

Can I just get an orange juice, please?

So, Alice has a secret crush.

Really?

She won't tell me who, but it's definitely someone unsuitable.

Hey-hey! Hey, Alice! How's it hanging?

Yeah, good.

Babe, I heard about Scarlett...

really sucks.

Come on, we need to catch up.

-I could have had the house to myself.

-Oh, come on, mate,

tonight could be the night you meet the girl of your dreams.

So, come on, any single ladies ringing your bell?

Nothing ringing yet.

A bit of respect, that's all I'm asking for.

Pops, will you just slow down, will you?

You think of all the things I've done for those people -

done dodgy jobs for Phil, I've been a gopher for Janine,

and I took in Jay when no-one else wanted him -

and not one of them, not one of them remembers it's my birthday.

One day in the year, and they all forget.

Well, that's it, Lo, I'm washing my hands of the lot of them.

-Surprise.

-Surprise.

-Surprise.

-Well done, Billy.

Surprise.

-You can't let Janine get away with this.

-She already has.

Then we'll talk to her. Make her see sense.

It's better you keep out of it, Kathleen.

I'm only trying to help.

I know you are, but I don't want Scarlett any more.

I don't want Tommy and I don't want a lecture from you, so...

Fine, suit yourself.

-I knew you all had something planned.

-Is that right?

You won't want your birthday present, now you're washing your hands of us.

I didn't mean that, I was just messing about, joking.

-What do you think of the banner, then, eh?

-Lola ordered it specially, Billy.

Do you know what? I'd like to say a few words about my employee,

Billy Mitchell.

He is exasperating... and infuriating...

and amazingly ungrateful...

SHOUTS: I'm 54!

I'm 54. CUSTOMERS LAUGH

Well, don't look at me.

It's the thought that counts, innit?

Absolutely.

I think, though, it would be fair to say

Walford wouldn't be the same without him.

Lola, I'm going to take Lexi back. She's a bit tired.

-But I just got here!

-Yeah, well, come and see her tomorrow, yeah?

And so, can we all please raise our glass to Billy?

Billy!

ALL: Billy

Oh, and as it's a special occasion,

the drinks are on me for the rest of the night.

THEY CHEER

Not that you deserve it.

So transparent.

-I'll come with you.

-No. No, we're fine. You stay and have fun.

Let Billy make it up to you, yeah?

You could come with me, you know.

We're new to the square, make a bit of an effort.

-Is that why you're all dressed up?

-Oh, what? This old thing?

Mum, stop it. Mum, what's wrong with you?

-You're only going to encourage him.

-What would be so bad about that?

-Mum, he's an idiot.

-Dexter...he helped you out today.

You could give the man half a chance.

Yeah, what, the same way you gave Cora a chance, yeah?

Let's just leave Cora out of this.

No, hold on, check the flavour -

here's the deal, I'll TRY and be civil to Billy

if you spend time with Cora.

You're a crafty little so-and-so, do you know that?

Yeah, well, I learnt from the best.

All right, come on, lovely people, let's get this party started!

-Phil, is Sharon all right?

-Yeah. Why shouldn't she be?

I don't know. She just took off pretty quick, didn't she?

Well, it's past Lexi's bedtime, innit?

Maybe I should go tuck her in?

You're supposed to be throwing this party!

Come on, just ten minutes? Ten minutes.

-Don't keep her up, all right?

-Yeah. Thank you.

(Darling...

(Here we go.)

Oh!

Kat, I'm really worried about him.

It's like he's just given up on Scarlett.

What do you want me to do?

I just thought maybe you could talk to him and make him see sense.

Don't you think I've done that already?

Alice.

-Oi.

-All right?

-I thought you said you had plans?

Well, that's the problem with surprises, innit?

Happy birthday, Billy.

Sharon?

Hello. There's my little girl!

Hey, where's your Aunty Sharon gone, eh?

Where is she?

Shall Mummy go find her?

Yeah? Hang on.

Sharon?

Sharon?!

Sharon?

Sharon!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd