23/09/2013 EastEnders

Morning, my love. Morning.

I should find out today.

So if you get lucky and you ARE a match, then...?

Then, we ALL get lucky.

What?

"What?" he says. Alice staggered in gone midnight

and then spent the rest of the night throwing up in the bog. Oh.

Is that all you can say?

Is she all right?

A gent would go round and see how she is.

I've just started work.

You're a little love, ain't you?

Are you serious? Mm-hm.

You could've said your dad was that ill.

Yeah, well, I was looking after YOU, weren't I?

This is a bit different, Dex.

Look, relax, I've got it covered.

I've been tested, and it might just be I can help.

I don't play around. Someone needs me, I'm on it.

And your mum agreed?

I haven't actually told her yet, so keep that one zipped, yeah?

You can't not say anything.

I will! Just closer to the time.

Oh, yeah, because that's going to go really well(!)

"Hi, Mum, you see this big hole in my body?

"Well, guess what?" Yeah, top plan, Dexter.

Look, she'll just be happy enough Sam's not ill any more.

So you would actually go through with this operation?

I ain't gone this far not to.

He's lucky to have you.

Only if I'm a match.

Even if you're not.

Dexter Hartman. The man to go to for a kidney.

No, you can surprise me if you want. ..No, really, Jack.

I want to see you cook dinner, I really do.

Yes, you can wear an apron if you like.

SHE GIGGLES

Listen, I've got to go. I'll see you later.

SHARON CLEARS HER THROAT Yeah, OK, me too. Bye.

This is not what I do.

Well, someone's got to do it.

We've got cleaners for this sort of thing. Yeah, who are off sick today.

YOU do it. I'm presuming you're free after your little phone call.

No, I'm busy. Yeah? Planning dinner?

Actually, I've got loads of receipts that I need to sort out for the accountant.

Yeah, well, I can do it.

I was doing it before you came back, and I can do it now.

What is your problem? I know what I'm doing.

I used to run this place.

And being part-owner, I'm telling you I'LL do it.

Really? Do you want to go down that route?

I have got 41%, thanks to Phil.

That's twice as much as you've got,

which puts me at the top of the tree.

I've to go to the school to talk about Denny. He's a star pupil -

and that's because I'm there for him.

My value to him, and this club, is immeasurable.

So don't ever try to undermine me again, please.

It was just a phone call, Sharon.

Hi, er, I'm Kirsty - Jack's sister-in-law.

Oh, hello. Hi. I'm just wondering if you've got any work?

A few hours here and there?

Oh, no, sorry, we're covered.

Yeah, but I'll do anything. Literally.

We've already got someone who does that.

Fair enough. But if anything does come up...

Yeah. No, definitely, definitely. I'll let you know.

See ya. See ya.

So this is how it's going to be, is it?

You weren't around. Jack was fair game.

Alice?

Hello?

You under there?

Earth calling Alice.

SHE GROANS I think we've established signs of life!

Not helping.

Hello, Alice, how are you?

Have a guess.

OK. I'm not a doctor, but I think you've probably seen better days.

Yeah. Thanks.

But worry not, sock puppets to the rescue!

Seriously, Tam, please. Another time.

OK.

Here, girlie, take these.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

I was just trying to take her mind off it, so...

What, with a pair of socks?

Yeah. Yeah. You should take them off, really, shouldn't you?

Go on. Yeah. Yeah.

There you go.

Dex, you got a second?

Yeah, come on.

Your mum. She's...scared.

Yeah, well, you're lucky you've got me as your back-up, then.

Dex, she's scared that she won't be a match.

Then she's scared that she WILL be.

She's also scared that I won't get what I need,

but above all she's scared that you might try and help me.

That's four kinds of scared right there.

Did you tell her that I got tested? You can let that go, Dex.

I'm not taking your kidney from you.

Yeah, well, you know what? That's not your call.

I'll take my chances - something will come up.

I've got around a year. A lot can happen in that time.

Why can't you just admit you could be looking at your best chance?

Even if I am, I won't accept.

What? If you're a match, I'll turn you down.

Are you crazy?

Oi. Sam, come...

What? Were you going to tell me? Look, can you just leave it?

It's all sorted now, and besides, I'm on top of it, all right?

Do you want to die? I'm not going to die! You ain't going to have much of a life with one kidney!

How do YOU know? Are you a kidney expert now?

I've read books. You've read nothing.

It's not as though you owe the bloke.

Jay, why are you even being like that? Why?

I'm trying to save someone's life and all you can do is stand there being negative.

Can you just be happy for me?

HE WHISTLES

You all right? Finished already?

Yeah, certainly have. You ain't going to recognise that kitchen.

Nice one. Listen, you know, working here,

it's not doing your head in or anything, is it? No, it's fine.

Oh, OK. Right. I get it.

You're scared I'm going to drink all your booze.

No, no, darling, no. I didn't say that.

Cos I'm here to work, Alfie.

And you're doing a great job. I just wanted to make sure you're all right.

Well, I am fine. I promise.

Good. See you later, sweetheart. See ya.

You know, I'm not really that happy about her,

not after what her dad did to Phil.

Whoa, it's got nothing to do with her. She's trying to get by. PHONE BEEPS

It's Phil. Got no food.

That's a good sign. Means he's getting better, don't it, eh,

getting hungry? And he can use his fingers to text now, can't he?

Yeah, he's got it all going on, ain't he?

I'll see you soon.

Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're going over there NOW?

I need to get some shopping for him first.

Right...

What?

No, nothing. Alfie...

Is SHE going to be there?

No! The text's from him, not HER.

I'm sorry, don't know what I'm thinking. I'm being stupid.

Alfie... Look, I won't be long, I promise, all right? Don't worry.

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just being stupid, that's all.

Someone's got to feed Phil, that's all.

You be careful you don't poison him. Oi!

Give him my love, won't you? I will. All right. See you soon.

Maybe you should've washed them first, man.

Wouldn't have made a difference.

First time I tried the sock trick, my wife left me.

Mate, Alice is not Afia, OK?

Yeah, but Alice isn't Alice right now either.

She turned up last night looking like a cross between Barbarella

and Dr Frank-N-Furter.

Who and who?

I'll send you a link.

OK, good times. Well, I don't know what you're worried about, bro.

OK, the way I see it is this girl is embracing her sexual side,

and what you need to do is embrace her while she is embracing herself.

Well, yeah, but I can't really go over,

now I've made her feel worse, can I?

Did Sir Bradley Wiggins give up on that bike-cycle thing?

Did he, huh? What? No. No, he didn't.

He took it all the way.

He didn't care whether he crashed or he fell.

This is not remotely relevant.

I'm saying, get back on your bike, bro, all right?

Spin round there and let her know.

Tell her, "I'm your man, you're my woman and I'm here to embrace you."

I don't know how to ride a bike.

Tam, women need to know that they are loved, OK?

It's a small thing, but it goes a long way.

Like a bike.

OK.

Well, is it true?

Flipping heck, some secret I've got. Everyone knows it.

Yeah, well, I just bumped into Jay.

Now you're going to tell me I'm stupid. Go on. No.

Whatever, Lola. Dex, I'm your mate, all right?

If you need advice, I'll give it to you,

but if you've made your mind up, then I'll just have to respect it.

So why did you come looking for me?

Cos if you're like me, you're going to need someone's hand to hold.

If it happens, I'll sail through it.

You won't even notice I'm a kidney down.

All right. I tell you what.

You tell me where and when, and I'll be at that hospital for you.

Look, Dex, this is a big op - you know that, right?

Ahh. So why didn't Auntie Peggy stop by the Vic?

Flying visit, apparently.

Here you go.

Ronnie wrote it all out for you.

What, she's not here?

She had to go to the accountant.

But I thought the text was a secret message to meet her.

She used my phone, in case of Alfie.

Right, OK.

Ain't you going to ask me how I am?

Sorry, yes. How are you? Hungry.

Yeah, OK, thanks, but just let me know if anything comes up, yeah?

Come on, Kirst.

How much do you need? I told you, I'm sorted.

Yeah. Don't need my help, do you?

Look, what's wrong with lending you a few quid?

The interest payments.

That will have your husband trembling with desire, that will.

There won't be any interest payments - you're my friend.

Oi! If she don't want that dress, I'LL have it.

My fella'll go crazy for me in this.

So will yours too, once he spots me in it.

I'll take it. That's 20 quid please, darling.

Here you go. Thanks.

I haven't sold one of them all month.

You want to sell more? I'll help you. I'm good, thanks.

Yeah, well, Bianca's away. Yeah, but she'll be back soon enough.

Yeah, but you're on your tod. It must be tiring. What is this, a job interview?

Give me one day on the stall. If it goes well, we'll talk money.

Kirsty, you've already got a job. But I really need another one.

Look, I dunno. Come on, it's not just for me, it's Max's kids as well.

Listen, I'll even fetch your coffees for you.

What, you think I drink coffee all day?

Well, you do now.

Please, Kat, I really need it.

Yeah, all right. Better change your shoes, though, cos your trotters take a right old battering.

So, you being looked after? Yeah. Ronnie's taking care of that.

Seems like Ronnie's taking care of everything.

Wanted me to clean the toilets earlier. HE LAUGHS

Here, it ain't funny. The power's gone to her head.

She's just trying to stay on top of things.

You'd better tell her not to push her luck. If you want my advice,

don't go to war with her. And you're going to stop me? How, exactly?

If you don't like the way things are, you can always sell your share of the club.

Walk away with a few quid and start being a proper mum to that kid of yours.

I'm a great mum, thank you. Well, when do you get to see Denny, eh?

He's at school all day, and you're running a nightclub in the evening.

I'm only thinking what's best for you.

It doesn't matter how tired I get, I still find time for him.

And we both know what you do when you're up against it.

I'm off the pills, Phil - you know that.

Don't put yourself in a place where that could change.

I tell you what, stop spouting nonsense, and tell Ronnie

if she wants a war, she's got one.

I'll tell Ronnie that she's in charge.

And that that ain't going to change.

They're all wrinkly already. Look at 'em, Abs.

I told them I needed to wear gloves.

Told who?

Er, Alfie and Roxy. I've started cleaning for them now.

You're around all that alcohol? Yes, and grease and filth,

which makes you want to get out of there as soon as you can.

But it's a pub, Lauren. Yeah, it's a smelly one, Abi.

DOORBELL I'll get it. Yeah, you will.

Hey, you all right, Abs? What's this?

It's dinner for a week.

It's all microwave, but it ain't harmed ME,

so I'm sure you'll be all right. You don't need to do that.

No, I know, Lauren, but I want to.

Well, I won't say no.

Yeah, well, thank you.

DOORBELL You two are popular!

Lauren... Mmm? I really want to do my bit.

To help. Yeah, well, thanks again. Anything you need, just let me know.

Yeah, I will do.

Listen, I'm not working tonight, if you fancy doing something, actually,

if you want a bit of company.

I was going to tell you, but I didn't know if Dexter wanted me to or not.

Come in here.

Jay, he'll be all right.

What do YOU know? You're not a doctor. Anything could happen.

He just wants to help his dad.

Listen, go on the internet and find me some horror kidney stories.

And we'll show him what can go wrong.

No, I am not going to do that.

Just one report.

Look, why are you so against this?

Because. That is not an answer.

Because...that's what friends do. They step in and help each other.

He's made his decision.

He owes Phil money. How's he going to pay him back if he's in hospital?

Phil will just have to wait. Oh, yeah, like that's going to happen.

He might not even be a match, all right? The chances are slim.

All I'm saying is, right,

Dex ain't thinking clearly at the moment, so we need to do it for him.

PHONE RINGTONE

Hello? ..Yes, yes, Ava Hartman.

Uh-huh.

Oh.

OK.

Mm-hm.

Thank you. Bye.

What's this, rude girl? Oh, that? It's a present from Lexi's great... Great...?

Phil's mum, Peggy. That's nice.

Guess what, I've been doing some reading and... You've been doing reading?!

Oi, shut up! Listen to this, there's a chance I could get some compensation off this, you know.

What, in case the op goes wrong?

No. In case, like, I have to take time off work, innit?

How much time off work? Look, who cares?

Look, if I had a cape on right now, they'd call me Superdex.

I'm paying debts, I'm saving lives, I'm on this Mother Teresa stuff.

So I thought we could go for lunch. My treat.

Please don't mention food.

OK, well, I'll eat, and then you can...just sit and...

Watch?

Yeah.

No. We'll sit and talk.

You know, we'll chew the breeze.

Fat. You shoot the breeze.

Yeah, I know. I just...I like mixing it up.

So I'll be in the caff.

Right, let's go. Go?

Yeah. We're doing stuff.

I want to do stuff. Come and do stuff WITH us.

Really? Bring your socks. Yeah...

What about tomorrow? What ABOUT tomorrow?

I'm talking to Alice. And I'm saving you from a potentially humiliating conversation.

Yeah. See you later.

Now, a very interesting thing just happened there.

Because you could have said something but you chose not to.

So that proves that Michael is right, doesn't it?

I don't know. Does it? Yeah, it does.

Alice, there's a whole world out there,

and they want to come between us.

But I won't let them come between us.

(It's just you and me.)

KNOCK AT DOOR

I'm so sorry. It's OK.

I really thought I'd be a match.

It was a slim chance.

It wasn't meant to be, that's all.

I don't know where we go from here.

Sorry. Have I come at the wrong time?

Yeah, you are a bit early.

Right, well, I'm here now.

Er, I'll...go and do some shopping, make us a big dinner.

Celebration?

See ya. ..Come in.

Right.

Well, I presume we can talk in a civil manner. Yes, of course.

Unfortunately for Denny, the other school can't fit him in,

but he's on the waiting list. Right. I'll just go and get his report.

Oh. You don't have it?

You are the one that's early, OK?

I thought you wanted to see me, I thought that's why you texted me.

No, I was just looking out for Phil. Though, obviously I want to see you.

You caught me on the hop, Ron. I went racing over there.

What are you saying? That I can't even text you?

No, no, no, no. Well, what, then?

I just really thought I was going to see you at Phil's.

Well, that's a good thing, isn't it? No, it's not a good thing.

I was too excited to see you.

I can't do this any more. Me neither.

You know, I walked past R&R three times before I could slide in undetected.

It's like I'm in a spy movie all of a sudden.

Ron, I miss you so much.

I miss you too.

The Square is the one place I shouldn't be.

I only came back here for you.

What do we do?

I don't know. But I've done my time, haven't I?

I've BEEN punished.

Right. He plays with his phone a lot.

It shouldn't even be in school.

And some of the work in his workbook looks like it's been copied from someone else's.

No, that's rubbish. People would have copied Denny's work.

Well, Denny's work was late in. What is this? A witch hunt?

No. I'm also worried... Yeah, I'M worried now.

You can't go throwing accusations around.

I'm worried that Dennis is not a positive influence

on the rest of the class.

I'm sorry?

Look, I'm sorry. I'm not having a very good day.

Can we do this at another point? There's no need.

Because this - this is rubbish.

You get a child with a bit of spirit, a bit of character, and what do you do?

You crush him. I don't think... You have no idea how to bring out the best in my Denny,

and now you're blaming HIM for that.

Now, he only plays with his phone because I text him

to make sure he's having a good day.

His homework is in on time because I do it with him

and I make sure it's done.

Oh, and as for not having a positive influence,

look in the mirror.

Go on, your wife will love you for ever.

Here, I'll try it on. I'll show you.

Here, what do you think about that? There you go.

Snug fit, innit? It's cut on the bias.

I don't want to take it off now. Interested?

I'll take her - I mean, it.

25 quid, please. Cheers, darling.

Here you go. Hurry back, yeah?

I will. See you later. See ya.

Blokes, eh? I know. They're all the same.

A smile and a flash of cleavage, and their brains turn to slush.

I love em', I do, but they fall for it every time!

Yeah, because we want them to. Then they end up just annoying me.

Have you ever added up how many have disappointed you or let you down?

I can't. I have.

Really? Yeah, but I had a calculator.

I think Michael's hypnotised her. He's, like, brainwashed her.

It's like a sect, but with two people.

You want my advice?

Does it involve bikes?

Just keep pedalling, man. What is it with you and bikes?

OK, then, strip it all back.

Take it to where it's all at - the heart, man.

That's where you're going to find her. The heart?

You've just got to point the way.

Fats, I literally don't know what you're talking about.

Come on, man.

HE LAUGHS

Mum?

I tried.

Mum...

Mum...

I dunno what we do now.

So, what? What's the odds? What did they say?

Look, Mum, listen... No. I didn't say anything yet.

You don't have to. You're not putting yourself forward.

You're not the only one who wants to help. I am not having you anywhere near this.

How do you know I ain't done it already? What?

Look, Mum, I can't just sit here and do nothing.

Dexter, what have you done?

I had a test as well. No. No. No, no, please don't do this to me.

Look, Mum, relax, I haven't heard anything yet, but I'm ready, Mum.

I am.

Please, please let me pop it. No.

Please, brother, go on, let me pop it.

It's the path to her heart, OK? It's symbolic.

But it's really not, brother.

Alice, uh...

The balloon stall amazingly had a sale on today, and...

I know I'm rubbish at all this, and I'm just...

Come on.

Alice.

You can just tell them to ignore the results,

tell them we don't even want to hear it.

I ain't doing that, Mum. You absolutely will.

Mum, I'm an adult, yeah?

You think you can just make all these decisions for me,

you have no power over me.

I'm your mum. I love you, OK?

And I care about you.

Yeah, and I'm making us a family - the family that we should've been. Please, Dexter, don't do this.

Look, can't you see it?

Can't you see what we could all have?

I mean, you must have, if you put yourself forward for the testing. You want a positive result, Mum.

And I can give that to you. I can give it to you.

D'you know what I want?

I want YOU, OK?

I am not prepared to lose two people. Mum, I'm not going to die.

Yeah, I know, because this ends right here and now.

You think I'm just going to sit back and let you risk everything?

But I was about to. I was about to sit back and watch YOU go, Mum.

You think I weren't scared? Frightened to lose you?

I didn't even do this test for Sam, Mum, I did it for you.

To save YOU.

See, now that just makes me love you more.

Baby, you are too precious to lose.

So what about Sam?

We'll just have to tell him that the test came back negative.

Mum! I know. I'm sorry. I know what it sounds like, but...

Just do this one thing for me, OK?

I could've been a hero.

You ARE a hero. You're MY hero.

Yeah.

Yeah, I, uh... I got carried away, Mum.

I thought it'd be so easy. But you're right.

What's the chances anyway?

Thank you.

HORROR FILM PLAYS ON TV

Fats said it was a classic. What do YOU think?

What, about the film?

About anything, really.

I might go upstairs.

Yeah? Hm.

Have a bath, read a book,

get an early night.

There's...there's not a lot of jokes, is there?

SQUELCH, SCREAMING

You know that stuff you were saying earlier? I get it now.

Someone listens to me for the first time. My man.

I'm going to phone the hospital, and I'm going to tell 'em that is long.

Yeah, do it, mate. Sam'll be happy.

Guess he will be - in a strange enough way.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

I was just about to ring you lot, you know.

Wait. Say that again?

What's the matter?

Sorry?

Dex?

I'm a match, Jay.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd