31/10/2013 EastEnders


31/10/2013

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HE VOMITS

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"Well," said the wolf, "I'll go and see her too.

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"I'll go this way and you can go that" -

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and the wolf ran as fast as he could,

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taking the shortest path, and the little girl took a roundabout way,

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entertaining herself by gathering nuts

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and running after butterflies

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and gathering lots of bouquets of little flowers.

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And it wasn't long before the wolf arrived at the old woman's house.

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And he knocked on the door - tap tap tap. Who's there?

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12 hours.

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I know.

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Want to go through the plan again?

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So... I make a date with Janine...

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RUNNING FOOTSTEPS

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Oh, you're back, then!

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That's nice, that is, Al.

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I mean, you just come and go as you please.

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Don't worry about me, will you? Sorry.

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I thought something had happened to you.

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Well, it didn't. So you can phone him but you can't phone me, no?

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I think you'll find my name is Michael.

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I was going spare, Alice.

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Sorry.

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You done?

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What?

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Because before you interrupted us, we were in the middle of something.

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Look, Joey, I get it. You've made your point, I understand.

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It'll never happen again. I promise.

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There, see. You are done.

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Well, at least you're back, anyway.

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SHE SCREAMS

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What the hell?! Say hello to my little friend. Luce?

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She thought it was a real head. No, I didn't.

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You fell for that one?

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Ugh! What's that? You've been slimed.

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"You fell for that one?"

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Someone's smeared something really disgusting on the - Oh, right.

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Halloween's here. Yeah?

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So have you all got your costumes ready for later?

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Later? The party at the Vic.

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Yeah. I have. Except I'm going with Patrick.

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You are?

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We thought cos Dad's working tonight, you could take Cindy.

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Sorry, he's gone and hired himself a cape an' all that.

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Well, us three can still go.

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Uh, yeah, I'm not going.

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Me either. Not really my thing.

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I can't go on my own.

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You should ask your little friend.

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Oh! Stupid...

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I'll get a dustpan. All right, darling.

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I'll have a ticket. I'll have two tickets.

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What if I said no? Are you going to?

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OK. I'm happy to sell you two tickets. Here's the deal, right...

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please don't be coming in, gobbing off and starting any trouble. Got it?

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What could be more agreeable?

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One, two...

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Still no sign of the loot?

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Nope. That's great, that. Well done, Dan. Don't look at me.

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How do I know one of you lot didn't take it?

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Because we are all honest, and we wouldn't do that to each other.

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Remember when Jay came back from holiday with some money missing?

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Think that's a coincidence, do you? I didn't touch that money and I didn't touch this one either

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so don't go pointing the finger at me... Boys, boys, boys.

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Squabbling and blaming each other is not going to find the money.

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What we need to do is put our heads together. Yeah? The way I see it, we've got two options.

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Neither of which I like. I don't like 'em either.

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You ain't heard them yet. Oi, Jay. Men talking.

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Shush. Option one...?

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Option One. We round up Joey and Peter

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and we all agree to make up the four grand between us.

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Yeah, and the three bears(!) Why should we do that? You're the one that lost the money.

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I didn't lose it, Jay, it was stolen.

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Look, look, look, whatever - Dot needs that money today

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so we need to sort it out, yeah? Option Two?

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Option Two is one of us has to go round there and break the bad news.

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You're joking, ain't ya? She'll go mad.

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Told you I wouldn't like any of these options.

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But there is, however, a third option.

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Go on.

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We all move to Pakistan and live out the rest of our lives there.

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Well, that's it then, ain't it -

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one of us has to bite the bullet

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and go and tell Dot face to face.

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Isn't that right, Danny?

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Are you serious? Yeah. Be a laugh.

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A laugh.

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Dressed up as a witch while trying desperately not to look embarrassed?

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Go as a fairy, then. This is me.

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I'm trying to make up for the other day.

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Oh, so you can run off again? Leaving me to wonder why I ever, ever bother with you.

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No, no. It's different this time. I promise.

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I'm trying to make amends, you know.

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This is me trying to claw way back a semblance of decency between us.

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I ran the other night, I know I did. But that's because I had a momentary lapse.

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Thank you so much for the thought, but Halloween for me

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is just Christmas with fangs.

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Right, come on, stash these away.

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Ugh! What is that?

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It's Cindy. Sorry, here you go.

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Thanks.

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Have you got anything non-alcoholic for me, Cindy and Lola?

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Yeah, you two are having orange juice

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and we need to find a way to get rid of Cindy.

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We've got Bobby staying at a mate's house. Halloween sleepover thing.

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And Dex? He said he's not up for it.

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But he's going to miss out.

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We're watching scary movies. If he gets too scared and jumps up, his stitches'll come out.

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Then there'll be real blood on Halloween. Nice.

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If you're that worried about him, go to his instead.

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Look, main thing is we're partying tonight, aren't we?

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That leaves one problem - what are we going to do about Cindy?

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I was kind of hoping that one of you guys had an idea.

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This is winding me right up.

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Paid a small fortune for this, an' all.

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No, you haven't. You don't pay a small fortune for anything.

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Which is why it's not working. Yes, but it has to work, OK.

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Cos people are paying ten pound a head and we need to have fog.

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Fog... Fog!

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All right? All right, Rox? Hello, Michael.

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Can I get a refund on these? Janine don't fancy it.

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Janine? Janine. What were you bringing Janine for?

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Did you not get the hint? If someone calls the police on you,

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it kind of means they don't like you.

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I thought we were getting on better. We had a bit of a detente.

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Wouldn't be too surprised. She hasn't exactly been herself lately.

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To be honest, I think she's getting worse, you know.

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She's barricaded herself in there. She's quiet and lost.

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Look, keep 'em for later. She might perk up. I have my doubts.

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You know what woman are like, they change faster than Superman, don't they?

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Except you, of course, love of my life.

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You are constantly wonderful and beautiful.

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Look at that. Thank you. Halloween is now happening.

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Yeah. Not for Janine.

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See, I like witches but wizards - no. They scare me.

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Right... Werewolves I like cos, you know, they're basically just

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overgrown puppies, ain't they?

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But Dracula, no. No, no.

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Well, he does bite you in the neck so...?

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I don't think it's that, I think it's more the, like,

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slicked-back hair.

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I used to have a scary grandad with slicked-back hair.

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Not the sharp teeth though. His were false.

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Hello. All right?

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Have you thought of anything yet?

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No. But I'm working on it.

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I spoke to Jay and Abi. They can't come up with a plan either.

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Why don't you want Cindy there anyway?

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It's adults... and I want to do adult stuff.

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Yeah? Yeah.

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What are you doing? Hungry. What's all this booze?

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It's Dad's. For the restaurant.

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So why's it over here?

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I dunno. Uh - got any plans for later?

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Nope. Just staying in.

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You should go to the Vic. There's loads going on there.

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On my own? I think I'll just stay in, thanks.

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You OK?

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No.

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What's wrong?

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Don't worry, it's fixable. Michael.

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Janine doesn't want to go out tonight. So it's off?

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No, it isn't off. What do you mean, off? This is just a sign.

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OK. It's telling us it's not right. It's wrong.

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Alice...

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this is happening.

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But how? She doesn't need me to go over there and babysit.

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So am I meant to just break in - shove the pills down her throat?

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You have to be in that house tonight.

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Yeah, but how? You'll think of something. C'mon baby, I need you at your best.

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You mean my worst. No.

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All we're doing is convincing that monster to show up

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for a date which she never shows up for.

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It's doubly tragic.

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It's so horrible. No, it's not. And life's horrible.

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And it never gives you what you want.

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And Janine is worse than that.

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So that's why I'm doing this, I'm doing this for Scarlett.

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I'm doing it for you.

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So...

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to reiterate -

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that one goes in her drink.

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That one...?

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Goes in her bedside cabinet.

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Simple.

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You're not the one doing it.

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When she's gone - as in dead - you ring me

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and you say you were late for babysitting and you found her.

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How are you so calm?

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I'm not calm. Inside, I'm a raging sea. We can't stop now.

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We can't stop now. We've gone too far.

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You can see that, right?

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And I want to be with you so badly.

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Tell me what I have to do.

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What do you think? Oh, you're going, then?

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Well, I managed to get a babysitter.

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She's just split up with her boyfriend

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and wants to mope in peace at mine, so...

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to be honest with you, I'm a bit nervous. I'll hardly know anyone.

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Well, they'll want to know you. Especially if you wear that hat and nothing else.

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That'd be a talking point. Come on, then.

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You need to tell me who to avoid.

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Apart from the obvious one?

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Whitney.

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Oh, yeah of course. Anyone else?

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Well, there's AJ.

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He's harmless enough, but you'd better not let him

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catch your eye, else he'll think you fancy him.

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Got it. Oh, then there's Billy.

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Don't want to find yourself propping up the bar with him,

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because he talks for England, and none of it will make any sense. OK. Who else?

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Michael. People think he's handsome and mysterious,

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but I think that's another way of saying he's a bit weird, you know.

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Is there anyone I will like? Put it this way.

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If you like monsters, you're going to have a ball.

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Hi. Hi.

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Come in.

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I've got an idea.

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We all go in and we all say it at the same time.

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Like a choir. She'd like that. She'd think it's religious.

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I can't do it. I can't tell her.

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Can you imagine the look on her face?

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You big wuss.

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What if the shock's too much for her and she just keels over?

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Never thought of that.

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No -

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she wouldn't do that...

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Would she?

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Hello. Nice lunch?

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Yeah, lunch was great.

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But...? But I've just been stood up.

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My babysitter just got back with her boyfriend.

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Aw, that's so sweet.

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Not really. I almost got myself a social life.

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Oh, yeah. But, you know, it's nice that they got back together.

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Whoever they are.

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Yeah. I was just really looking forward to going tonight, you know.

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I'm going to be stuck in now.

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Maybe not.

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I think I might know someone who can help you.

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Well? I tried.

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I really tried, but Janine was just having none of it.

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Maybe it's for the best. It's all right. Don't worry about it.

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Don't think about it.

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I'm not sure it'd have worked.

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Take that. Just drink it, will you?

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All of it.

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Course it would've worked. It's perfect.

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It's not going to happen now, is it? And I'm glad.

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PHONE RINGS

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Janine. Listen...

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maybe I was a little bit hasty. Wasn't really feeling myself.

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If you want to go to the Vic, then we can do that.

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But no costumes. Yeah.

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Good. All right, well, I'll give Alice a call.

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As soon as I've got hold of her, I'll call you back. Cool.

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Life is death, Alice.

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It has to end that way -

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all we're doing is just moving it forward a little.

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Danny! Danny, what are you doing?

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What do you think I'm doing? I'm going to confess, ain't I?

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But she might keel over. What choice have I got?

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Well, could always give her this instead.

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Where'd you get this?

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Found it in one of the football socks.

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I was clearing away the kit, and there it was.

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Looks like it's all there! Billy, you're the hero.

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Just got lucky, didn't I? I'll text the others. We owe you. You are the man.

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So you want to do the honours?

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Nah, mate, should be you. You saved the day, after all.

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Yeah, I suppose I did, didn't I?

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I can't stop shaking. I know, I can feel you. Listen, don't worry. Don't worry.

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Just a few more minutes, a few more minutes. That's all.

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Yeah? We don't even have to run away. We can stay here.

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Me, you and Scarlett.

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OK.

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OK?

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Happily...

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..ever after. Yeah.

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SWITCHES CLASSICAL MUSIC ON

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Did I just hear Alice go out?

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You did, Joseph.

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But let me allay your fears. I've tied a rope to her,

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so you can yank her back any time you like.

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Michael, you know when my dad used to beat you up...

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What about it?

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I can sort of see why now.

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How do you think he's doing?

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Hmm?

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Down there. Think he's settled in yet?

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I'm going clubbing.

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Seals?

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TURNS UP MUSIC: "Schwanengesang" by Schubert

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MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

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Come on girls, it's cold. Get inside.

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Billy, you made an old lady look young again.

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Dot couldn't have been happier. I thought she was going to jump on me at one point.

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So, drinks all round, yeah?

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Nah, I can't, I'm babysitting Lexi. Come on, mate, it's your big moment.

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It was nothing. But at least you can rest easy now.

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What have you lot come dressed as, eh? Ain't it obvious? A sex object.

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Yeah. He asks women for sex... ..and they object!

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Come on, get inside. See ya later.

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Nice one, mate. Cheers.

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No, seriously. Nice one. Like the way you played it.

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Tactically very aware. Coming in on the blind side like that.

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I've got no idea what you're talking about.

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Billy, I know. I know you took the money. I found it in a sock.

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You're seriously telling me you found it in a sock?

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What was it? You want to be the hero?

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I've got to go. I'm seeing you in a different light now, Billy.

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Oi-oi. Someone's keen.

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Yeah, don't want to miss the party, do I?

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So how do I look?

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Gorgeous as ever. Come here.

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You, don't wait up.

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And you be good, madam.

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I will!

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So what happened to Cindy in the end?

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She is at the cinema with Bella, thanks to me.

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She never does anything nice for anyone.

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Did have to promise her a free makeover, so...

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TAPPING What was that?

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Ooh, what do you think, eh? Boo!

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Scared already, Jay?

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You're not too scared to watch a horror film, are you, Jay? No, course I'm not.

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Right, come on, phones off. It's time to enter the house of horror.

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Be still, my pounding heart. There's bad girls everywhere.

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All right? No Janine? I'm meeting her here.

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Lovely. Cheered her up, then? Yeah, I hope so.

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Well. Have a good night, yeah?

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We cool, yeah? We're mates?

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Yeah.

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Just stay out of trouble, all right.

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You always were my favourite Moon.

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OK. There you go. Enjoy.

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SCREAMING ON TV

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Thought you said this film was scary. Shh.

0:22:190:22:21

Only saying. You're only talking because you are scared. Shh! I ain't scared.

0:22:210:22:26

BANG!

0:22:260:22:27

What was that?

0:22:280:22:30

Who's not scared now?

0:22:300:22:33

Lucy, I think you should go check it out. Why me?

0:22:330:22:36

Yeah, go on, Luce.

0:22:360:22:37

It'll just be kids.

0:22:400:22:41

You OK?

0:22:430:22:45

BANG MAKES THEM SCREAM

0:22:450:22:47

I know it's wrong, but I wish it was Halloween every day.

0:22:540:22:58

You do? I've been stood here wishing it was anything but.

0:22:580:23:01

That's because you ain't had one of these yet. What is that?

0:23:010:23:04

I dunno, but you'll soon want one.

0:23:040:23:07

Been stood up?

0:23:160:23:18

Eight o'clock. So presumably she's en route.

0:23:180:23:21

You know what, I really hope it works out between you two. I do.

0:23:210:23:26

That's kind. Me too.

0:23:260:23:27

Jay... Jay! You're hurting my hand. Sorry.

0:23:540:23:58

You sure there was no-one outside, Luce?

0:24:000:24:03

Wuss. I checked twice.

0:24:030:24:05

Maybe we should turn the lights back on now. What do you think? Mate, man up.

0:24:090:24:13

THEY SCREAM

0:24:130:24:16

What was you saying, Peter?

0:24:160:24:17

BANG!

0:24:220:24:23

What was that? Seriously, what was that?!

0:24:230:24:25

Seriously! Luce! You go!

0:24:250:24:28

Right, for goodness' sake. Probably just didn't shut the door properly.

0:24:320:24:35

ALL SCREAM

0:24:370:24:40

Has it gone yet? What is it, has it gone?

0:24:400:24:43

Happy Halloween! Cindy, what are you playing at?

0:24:430:24:46

Cindy, where's Bella?

0:24:460:24:49

We got the film time wrong. Hi, everyone.

0:24:490:24:51

So what are we watching? Ugh. Better switch that over.

0:24:520:24:58

What are you doing? Well, Lucy said you weren't doing anything tonight,

0:24:580:25:02

so we thought we'd come and do nothing with you.

0:25:020:25:05

Well, we were watching a film. And you thought you'd leave me out?

0:25:050:25:08

But that is never going to happen.

0:25:080:25:11

Me and Jay are going to go to the Vic. If he's not too scared.

0:25:110:25:13

I don't do scared.

0:25:130:25:14

I'd best go with them, eh? I'll get my coat...

0:25:160:25:19

You can't leave us. We might get scared.

0:25:190:25:22

I'm not looking after them.

0:25:250:25:27

Better luck next year, eh.

0:25:310:25:32

Will you hold still?

0:25:470:25:48

Come on. I haven't had a drink yet, you know. Ow, they're a bit sharp.

0:25:480:25:54

They're not real, are they?

0:25:540:25:57

This beats book club.

0:25:590:26:01

You're in a book club? Was. It's finished.

0:26:010:26:05

How come? No-one could read.

0:26:050:26:07

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the depths of hell,

0:26:230:26:26

to the Queen Vic and Alfie Moon's Monster Ball!

0:26:260:26:31

PHONE RINGS

0:26:310:26:34

Alice?

0:26:340:26:35

And if you need to believe there's life after death, just stand next to Patrick Trueman.

0:26:370:26:42

I'm only joking! What? What?

0:26:420:26:44

Calm down, calm down... calm down!

0:26:440:26:49

I'm on my way, I'm coming now.

0:26:500:26:54

I'm coming now.

0:26:540:26:55

Michael?

0:27:260:27:27

Michael....

0:27:490:27:51

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