Episode 13 Beat the Brain

Hello, it's me, The Brain.

Once again, our four contestants will endeavour to use

every ounce of their brain matter in order to beat me.

Think you could do the same?

Here's some games to get you in the mood.

Try this next one.

What number plate do you see?

I'll ease the pain by giving you the answers at the end of the show.

Now let's see if our team can show off their mental muscle

as they attempt to...

Beat The Brain.

If the question is, "Who is Britain's best loved host?",

here's the answer -

it's John Craven!

Well, thank you very much indeed, and welcome to the show

that gives your little grey cells a thorough workout.

Let's say hello straight away to the mastermind behind our games.

-How are you today, Brain?

-MISTRESSmind, if you please, John.

And today I feel I could take on the whole wide world.

Well, that's a little overambitious, Brain,

because you just need to take on four people today -

and that's our team.

Please introduce yourselves.

I'm Chris and I'm a project manager.

I'm Ian and I'm also a project manager.

I'm Neil and I'm a physiotherapy student.

I'm Colin, I'm team captain, and I'm a marketing consultant.

Well, welcome, everybody. You are all from Norfolk.

And, Colin, the team captain,

what name have you came up with for the team?

We are Norfolk Victory -

in honour of the great Lord Nelson who reigns from our area,

and we're obviously hoping to be victorious today.

And how do you all know each other?

Well, at some point, we've all kind of played music together.

I suppose you could say, John, we've made sweet music together.

Apart from maybe Neil, who's maybe more of the fan of the band.

-What's their music like, then, as their fan?

-Erm, it's patchy.

They're enthusiastic, which is a good thing,

but the end product maybe needs a little bit of fine tuning.

Maybe a lot of fine tuning, to be honest.

-LAUGHING:

-OK! Well, this is how it works.

The show's Brain is divided into six Zones.

And The Brain will select four of these six Zones for you to play today.

And, Colin, as team captain, it's up to you to decide which member

you think will be best to play in each of those Zones, OK?

You'll be playing for time instead of points,

with every correct answer adding three seconds to your Brain Bank.

And the more time you build up, the more chance you have

of beating The Brain in today's final

and walking away with a jackpot £3,000.

So, Norfolk Victory, you ready?

-Yes.

-We're ready, John.

OK, time to find out which Zone you'll be facing first.

Brain, a Zone, please.

It's Language.

So, Colin, who is going to be best in the Language event?

As captain, I'll be standing up first.

The first man off the ship.

-Captain plays first.

-Absolutely.

Well, come and join me in the Language Zone.

APPLAUSE

Hi, Colin. Nice to see you. Well, you sounded pretty confident there.

Well, let's hope that confidence remains.

I think we can beat The Brain today. I'm looking forward to it.

Let me warn you, The Brain's idea of language is not necessarily yours.

Well, we shall see, shall we? It should be interesting.

So tell me a bit about yourself.

I like to do a lot of sporting adventures.

I'm also a keen kind of amateur musician. So, in my spare time,

I like to write music and play a few instruments, etc.

Right, well, time to put your brain to the test in the Language Zone.

You'll play two games in this Zone.

Both games will have three questions worth three seconds each.

Brain, what's the first game?

-Hello, Captain Colin.

-Hello, Brain.

-So you're a songwriter?

-I write some introspective music, yes.

Could you write a lyric about me, The Brain?

-Oh, you've put me on the spot there, Brian.

-Do it now!

-You're putting me on the spot.

-Do it now.

OK. Brain, oh, Brain, will our love remain?

Brain, oh, Brain, you must be insane.

I think we've found a new musician, haven't we?

Johnny Craven was better.

Here's your first game, Captain Colin.

Rearrange the newspaper cuttings to form a word.

To help you out, have a trial run.

So what word do those three bits make up?

-We've got, "NDI" "CAP" and "HA."

-Yeah.

Erm. The "NDI" doesn't seem like it's going to be

the start or an end of the word, so I'll put that one in the middle.

It looks like H and A will go before that to get "HANDI".

-And then "CAP" on the end.

-Handicap.

-Handicap.

-Yeah.

Is that correct? Let's have a look.

Yep. No handicap to you.

-Fingers crossed.

-So are you ready to play for real?

Oh, I'm ready. Let's do this.

Off we go, Brain.

Captain Colin, you can have as many guesses as you like

but I will not move on to the next question

until you give me the correct answer, or pass.

You only have 45 seconds to answer three questions.

OK.

Your game starts now.

OK. So,

sal...

Salami?

Salami, yes, well done.

-Second one now.

-OK.

-35 seconds left.

-That's rookie.

-Rookie.

Yes, it is indeed. 30 seconds left.

Here comes the last one.

OK, then, a difficult one.

So that'd be... Atast...

20 seconds.

Atastichm... No.

Astic... Ugh.

10 seconds.

Erm. Astathmic?

-Atasthmic?

-No.

Three seconds.

Athmicast? That's not a word.

Never heard of that word!

What is it, then, please? Let's have a look at the right answer.

-Asthmatic.

-Asthmatic.

You were almost there.

-Almost there, weren't you?

-Yeah.

That was two out of three which is not a bad start.

I think there's a song in there somewhere as well, isn't there?

Let's move on to the second game.

Oh, Colin, I so wanted it to be Athmicast.

Here's your second game.

Use one letter from each column to create a word.

The clue will help you to find it.

To get your eye in, Colin, have a trial run.

-OK, so we're looking for...

-It's only one letter from each column.

OK, so... This one looks quite difficult to me.

It is difficult.

So, right...

It's trying to get groups of letters together.

Or do I just think of a four letter herb?

So I think this one... I can see the answer now.

I think the answer is mint.

Mint. M-I-N-T. Let's see if you're right.

You are indeed, yes.

-So, you ready to play?

-Let's give it a go.

Off we go. Let's play the game.

You have 45 seconds to answer three questions correctly.

Please remember I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

Way to cook.

-I'm struggling with this one. I think I'll pass.

-OK.

30 seconds to go.

-That was bake.

-Bake.

Length of time. It's an hour? No.

No, not hour. Week. Next one.

One of the senses.

15 seconds.

I can see this one and the answer is smell.

Let's have a look and see.

You are indeed correct. Well done.

He did well, didn't he, Brain?

Absolutely. Very well, Colin.

You added nine seconds in that Zone.

This means, in total,

Norfolk Victory have nine seconds in their Brain Bank.

APPLAUSE

So time to find out our next Zone, please,

and who is going to take it on.

Brain, a Zone.

Observation. So, Colin, who do you reckon for Observation?

I think we said Chris would give this one a go for Observation.

-Everybody agree?

-Absolutely.

Right, well, come and join me, Chris, in the Observation Zone.

APPLAUSE

-Good to see you.

-You too.

-Do you agree with that?

-Erm...

Yes, I'm going to have to. But, yes.

And tell me a bit about yourself.

I've got a young family, I've got two young boys.

I work as a project manager for a large insurance company.

And you're good at observation?

Having two young boys running around

and keeping an eye on what's happening.

They get into quite a lot of mischief, so, yeah,

keeping an eye on things at home is a big thing.

Well, let's see how you do, because,

-Brain, may we have the first of the Observation games?

-Hello, Chris.

-Hello.

-Is it true you spent a year in Japan?

It is true, yes.

Say something to me in Japanese.

HE SPEAKS JAPANESE

Oh, wonderful. What does that mean?

One beer, please.

LAUGHTER

This is your first game.

Tell me the order the balloons pop.

To give you some practice, have a trial run.

-Three colours.

-OK.

OK. Yellow, white, blue.

Yellow, white, blue, you're saying. Is that correct?

It is indeed.

-Well done.

-Good start.

-Yeah, good start, isn't it?

-So, you ready to take on The Brain?

-I'm ready, yes.

-Right, off we go.

-Please remember I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

-Yellow, white, red.

-Yellow, white, red, you say.

And you are correct.

Yes, well done. On to the next one, please.

Erm... I'm going to go blue, white, red on that one.

Blue, white, red. You're correct.

Well done. On to the last one.

Yellow, white, red, blue.

Yellow, white, red, blue. Well done.

And that didn't catch you out. There were four balloons that time.

It gets harder as it goes along with these games. So, well done.

Let's move on to game two.

Well done, Chris. Full house there.

-You seem very confident.

-Thank you, Brain.

-Almost cocky.

-Oh.

-Anyway, here's your second game.

Tell me which number plate you saw.

Have a trial run.

-Which of those six?

-Eh...

Oh. I think it was number one.

Number one, you're saying. Let's see if you're correct.

-No, it was number five.

-That's not a good start.

And this is a real observation test, this.

Number plates spotting.

You ready to play?

Yes, I'm ready.

Your game starts now.

Which one?

Eh...

-I'm going to go for number three.

-Number three, you say.

Are you correct?

Yes, you are. Good show. Next one, please.

Oh, that was quick.

I'm going to go for...

-number two.

-Number two.

Were you right? Yes, you were. Well spotted. And one more to go.

I'm going to go for...

..number one.

Number one.

Yes, well done.

And it went in the opposite direction that time.

So, you've done incredibly well. You almost got everything right.

-I do feel cocky now.

-Yeah, he's got a right to feel cocky, Brain.

Absolutely.

Chris, you added 18 seconds in that Zone.

This means Norfolk Victory now have 27 seconds in their Brain Bank.

APPLAUSE

Well, that is a very healthy score, so many congratulations.

Chris, if you could go and rejoin the team.

Well, we're halfway through now.

We've seen how our team has done, but what about you at home?

Are you keeping pace with them?

Remember, the more you play, the better you get.

Right, let's find out which Zone is next and who is going to take it on.

Brain, the Zone, please.

Orientation. Captain Colin, who is going to be in the Orientation Zone?

Ian kind of knows his north from his south and his east from his west,

so I would say this might fit in nicely with Ian's skill set.

So, Ian, come on and have a go in the Orientation Zone.

APPLAUSE

So very good to see you, Ian. You too are a project manager?

Yep, certainly am.

And you reckon you might be pretty good at Orientation?

Well, let's hope so. Let's hope so for the sake of the boys.

They've done tremendously so far, so let's not let the team down.

And what are your passions outside work, then?

Music. I'm heavily into my music.

I just started myself a little vinyl collection as well.

That's a big thing now, isn't it? Going back to dear old vinyl.

When I was young, every record was vinyl.

Now it's suddenly back in vogue again, isn't it?

It certainly is, yeah.

Well, let's see how you get on, Ian,

because there's another 18 precious seconds to play for in this Zone.

That's three seconds for every correct answer.

Brain, please reveal the first game that Ian is going to be playing.

-Hello, Ian.

-Hello.

-Here's your first game.

Tell me whether the hands are left or right.

Ian, you can warm up with a trial run.

-Let me get my hands involved here.

-Yeah, please do.

So, one is a left hand.

Two is also left hand

and three is a right hand.

-So left, left, right.

-Yep.

Let's see if you're right.

Yes, you are indeed..

Please feel free, everybody at home as well,

feel free to use your hands in this round.

-Ready to start?

-I'm ready.

Off we go, Brain.

You have a maximum of 45 seconds to answer three questions.

But please remember I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

OK, so one is left.

Two is left.

And I think three is left as well.

Left, left, left, you say.

Left, left and left.

Yes, you're right. 30 seconds left.

OK, so one is right.

Two is left.

And three is a left.

Right, left, left, you're saying.

Yes, absolutely right, with 15 seconds to go.

OK, so one is right.

Two would be a left.

And three would be right.

Right, left, right, you're saying.

Absolutely correct, yeah.

-Full house there in that game.

-Yeah, I'm pleased with that.

-Those hands came in useful.

-They did.

There was certainly some odd shapes there

that should probably be reserved for a dance floor somewhere.

-Ready for game two?

-I'm ready, ready as I'll ever be.

Well done, Ian.

Here's your second game.

Which wheel matches the one on the left.

Here's a trial run.

So I think that's A.

A, you're saying. Are you correct?

Yes, you are absolutely right.

You've obviously got the hang of that one.

Let's find out!

Right, let's play the game.

You have a maximum of 45 seconds to answer three questions.

Your game starts now.

OK, so I think that's B.

You think it's B.

No, it was D.

Second one now.

30 seconds left.

That one is B.

B. Yes, you're right that time.

One last one.

OK.

10 seconds left.

-I think that one's also B.

-You think that's B as well.

Let's see if you're right.

No, it was A.

So, not quite so good on that game

but you certainly pulled out all the stops on the first one, didn't you?

Yeah, I did, yeah.

What do you think, Brain?

Well, Ian, you're not as good as Chris, but much better than Colin.

Don't let this ruin your relationship.

Ian, you added 12 seconds in that Zone.

This means Norfolk Victory have now got 39 seconds in their Brain Bank.

Well, that is pretty impressive, isn't it?

-APPLAUSE

-Thanks, John.

Please rejoin your team-mates.

Neil, you're our final player today,

so why don't you come up and join me and we'll find out

which of the three remaining Zones you're going to be playing?

APPLAUSE

Good to see you, Neil.

By my reckoning, we've got Memory, Logic and Multitasking left.

Which of those would you like?

Crikey... I been left with the dregs here, guys, haven't I?

I would probably go with multitasking, I would hope.

-But I'm fairly confident at all of them, I'd say.

-Oh, good.

-We like confident people on this show.

-Misplaced, maybe.

And you are a bit old, if I may say so, to be student.

John!

-I'm mature, I'm very mature.

-Mature student.

-I'll give you that.

How come?

Well, I used to work in an office with these three gentlemen

and definitely working in an office persuaded me

that office work with these guys definitely wasn't for me,

-so I had to pursue a change of career.

-Is it going well so far?

I'm absolutely loving it, yeah.

It's a bit weird being a student and not having any money, being so old.

I absolutely love it, it's fantastic.

And you're not particularly bothered now, which Zone

-The Brain is going to choose for you?

-No, not really.

I think... I'll just give it my best shot whatever.

OK. Well, let's find out which it is going to be.

Brain, the Zone, please.

-What do you think?

-Yeah, OK.

-Just an OK?

-Just an OK.

So, Brain, please reveal the first game that Neil will be playing.

-Hello, Neil.

-Hello, Brain.

You said that you were left with the dregs.

None of my Zones are dregs. Say, "Sorry, Brain."

I'm very sorry, Brain.

That's better. Here's your first game.

Neil, repeat the order in which the colours flash.

Have yourself a trial run.

Black, blue, white, green.

Black, blue, white, green, you say.

Let's see if you're right.

Yes, indeed. Well done.

-You happy about this, Neil?

-Yes, I am.

-Off we go then.

Your game starts now.

Yellow, purple, green, blue, black.

Let's have a look.

Yes, well done.

Next one, please.

Blue, red, purple, green, white, yellow.

Yes, absolutely correct.

Six there. Well done. And one to go.

Green, white, green, black, red, purple, blue?

Let's have a look.

You got the black

in the wrong place, I think.

You said green instead of black,

didn't you?

But nearly right because an awful lot of colours kept on appearing.

-It's tough, it's tough, yeah.

-Right, on to the next game, please.

-I got you with that last game, didn't I, Neil?

-Absolutely, yes.

Completely confounded me.

Here's your second game.

Remember where the pictures were once they've disappeared.

Here's a trial run to help you get a feel for the game.

Where are the slingshots?

Number one and number five, Brain.

One and five for the slingshots.

Let's see if you're right.

Yes, you are indeed.

-So want to play the game?

-Yes, absolutely. Let's go for it, John.

Your game starts now.

Where are the masks?

Number four and number six.

Four and six, you're saying.

Is that correct?

It is indeed. Well done.

Next game, please.

Where are the cows?

Eight, five and three.

Eight, five and three is correct.

One more to go.

Where are the pigs?

One, seven, ten and four.

One, seven, ten and four.

No. Never mind.

That was two out of three.

So what do you think, Brain?

He did very well. I like you, Neil. I like you a lot.

And that wonderful shirt belies your rampant masculinity.

Thank you, Brain.

Neil, you added 12 seconds in that Zone.

This means, Norfolk Victory,

you have finished with a grand total of 51 seconds in your Brain Bank.

APPLAUSE

-That is a very good score.

-Thanks, John. Thank you.

Nice to meet you, Neil. If you please rejoin your team.

Looking pretty confident now, Norfolk Victory.

Will it be a resounding victory?

We'll have to find out because we've finished the individual Zones

and it's now time for our team to try to beat The Brain

one last time and take home some serious cash in today's final.

Norfolk Victory, you're named after your county's great hero, Lord Nelson.

So, remember what he said at Trafalgar,

"England expects that every man will do his duty."

Don't let him down.

You completed your Zones and added 51 seconds to your Brain Bank.

Now, if each of you answers two questions correctly in that time,

you'll take home our jackpot of £3,000.

If you can't, then you still have a chance of going home

with some money, because The Brain has generously given you

a further two minutes in which to get the answers right.

But, as the seconds drain away,

so does the money, and when the time runs out, so does all the cash.

Well, Colin, as captain, the team leader,

-you've decided the order of play.

-Absolutely, yes.

The great ship Norfolk Victory is still afloat and we are hoping

to set sail to victory today, so what we need is a strong start.

Chris did very well in the Observation round, so we're hoping

for a strong start and then we'll just keep running with the tide.

All very poetic. Now it's time to get serious.

Let's start today's final.

Over to you, Brain.

You will only face questions from the games you've already seen today.

But for every question in the final, I will only accept your first answer.

Norfolk Victory, beat me if you can.

She's thrown down the challenge and, as always,

we'll start with the player on the left, so that's you, Chris.

I need two correct answers from you before I can

pass on to the next player and so on down the line. Good luck, everybody.

Let's play the game.

Revolver.

Nope.

Red, white, yellow.

Yes.

Left or right hands?

Left.

Right. Right.

Yes. Colin.

Remember where the objects are.

Move on.

Where are the Aston Martins?

Two, six, nine.

Yes.

What number plate?

One.

No.

Find the hidden word.

Rome.

Yes. Ian.

Red, green, blue, black, purple.

Yes.

Which wheel matches the one on the left?

OK, so...

A.

Yes. Neil.

Javelin.

Yes.

Move on.

Where are the hooks?

Two, six, seven.

Nope.

One.

Stop the clock!

APPLAUSE

Well done. Eight correct answers and you have won £1,875.

A famous victory indeed.

-Nelson would be proud of you.

-We certainly hope so.

-How are you feeling now?

-Oh, over the moon.

I think we've kind of proven that we can beat The Brain,

-and if we all put our brains together, we can achieve anything.

-LAUGHTER

-What do you say to that, Brain?

-I'm absolutely distraught.

You sunk me, boys, you sunk me.

Well, thank you for watching at home today.

I hope you enjoyed playing along.

For now, though, it's goodbye from Norfolk Victory...

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-..from The Brain...

-Goodbye.

..and from me. See you again soon.

Just before you go, I'll give you the answers to those two questions

I posed at the start of the show.

Use the clue to find the word.

The answer is...

And the second game...

What number plate do you see?

The answer is...

Join us again next time, when you can pit your wits against me

and try to...

Beat The Brain!