Allyson and Verena Snog Marry Avoid?


Allyson and Verena

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# Where are my rock stars? Where are my pop stars? # Welcome to the dark side.

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# We're gonna party like a rock star... #

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Welcome to another podding brilliant episode of Snog, Marry, Avoid,

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the show that boldly goes where no others have gone before.

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We delve into the depths of your makeup bag, take your false tan, false lashes and false hair

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and zap them all into a big black hole. It's our mission to restore natural beauty to the universe.

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It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

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Bonjour, POD. 'ow are we today?

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-Bonjour yourself, Frost. What's with the French?

-I'm showing our European neighbours what we are best at.

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-Cricket. Queuing. Moaning.

-No, it's wearing too much makeup and far too few clothes.

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-Coming up on tonight's show.

-Sexy! Whoo!

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People do take a double look. They see me in a wheelchair, then look again and think, "She's sexy!"

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-A Lancashire lass who needs to act her age, not her dress size.

-Cup of tea, anyone?

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And someone who turns his back on the straight-laced look.

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-Zut alors!

-I couldn't have said it better myself, POD.

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-Ready for another culture shock?

-Mais oui.

-Bonne chance. I think you're gonna need it.

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Whoo!

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Hi, my name's Allyson, I'm 30 years old and I'm from Caerphilly.

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I like everything that's super fake, super glamorous and super sexy.

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I don't care what other people say. I've always worn tutus, fishnet tops and fancy dress.

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And I just like to look a bit different, you know. I'm not a fashion follower.

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If you look nice, you feel nice.

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I love to have my Botox done. I think it's my priority. I couldn't live without it!

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'I don't feel sexy if I've got a wrinkly forehead.'

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Ah!

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'I don't mind being 30, but I don't want to look 30. If I could, I'd freeze my whole face!'

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-Bye!

-Take care!

-You, too!

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'I like to look in the mirror and think, "Phwoar! Look at you."'

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Whoo!

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To the beach!

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'People do take a double look when they see me in the street.'

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They see me in a wheelchair, then look again and think, "She's sexy!"

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Tiny tops, small skirts. I mean...

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She reveals a little bit too much, I think.

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Why should you have to wear bad clothes just because you're in a wheelchair?

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-It would be interesting to see her dress down.

-I'll make an impression.

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Maybe a bit more conservative.

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'I think I'm sending out a positive message that people who are disabled are still people

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'and we still look good.'

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SHE WOLF WHISTLES

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Sexy! Whoo!

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Look, POD, I challenge you to make me look better than this.

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Cos I don't think that you could.

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Whooo!

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-Hello, Allyson.

-Hi.

-How are you today?

-I'm all right, yeah.

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Tell me when your obsession with tutus and wings and all things glittery started.

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I think it started when I was in my mid-20s and I just loved them.

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People stare. First they're looking because I'm in a wheelchair.

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-Then they look at me because I'm just sexy.

-I think people don't expect that,

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-to see somebody in a wheelchair that is openly sexual.

-Yeah.

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I've had men come up to me because I looked like a good girl. Good at being bad!

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You said you recently turned 30. You want to maybe tone down a bit?

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When I was younger, I thought, "When I'm 30, I'll wear a certain thing."

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Maybe I need some guidance to what I should... Not what I should look like,

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-but to look a bit better.

-So you'll meet POD soon.

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-How are you feeling about that?

-I'm hoping we might get on. I'm half-machine, might have rapport.

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I don't think that's going to work.

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-No?

-She's not going to be able to see past the lashes.

-Do you think?

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I am POD. Who are you?

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-I'm Allyson.

-Did POD get you out of bed?

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Hahaha! You DID get me out of bed. How very dare you!

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I thought so. Why else would you look half-dressed? More flesh on show than a butcher's window!

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-Yeah, but my flesh looks good. Everyone should see it.

-The world and his wife can see that orange skin.

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It's not orange! It's brown. It's not even that brown. I want to be darker or more orange!

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-Can you make me more orange?

-No! But I can turn you into a perfect vision of natural beauty.

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-There's no such thing as perfect, but I'm so close it scares me.

-Do you own a mirror?

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-I do. Do you own a mirror?

-You look like you fell into a makeup bag.

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-That's what happened!

-Well, that explains a lot.

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-I think it went quite well, though.

-Incorrect.

-I thought we'd be friends, man. I'm half-machine.

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-I thought we'd have a rapport.

-POD's social network is for natural beauties.

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-Let yours out and I would happily accept your friend request.

-It's just your opinion.

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-You're just one computer. My laptop loves me.

-I am the world's only make-under computer.

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-What reaction do you get in the street?

-I often get double takes.

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They see the wheelchair, then see I'm incredibly good-looking. "She's hot!"

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And obviously very modest. Are you and your ego ready to hear what people in POD's poll thought?

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I was born ready.

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In that case, run Phase One: Public Analysis.

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-POD asked the public if they would like to snog, marry or avoid you. What did they say?

-Snog.

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-Why?

-Because I'm just so snoggable. I'm just...beautiful.

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-And I'm a good kisser.

-There's that modesty again. Play.

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I'd probably avoid this girl.

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'I'd snog her. She looks easy.'

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-I would avoid her. She looks like a nutcase.

-I am!

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Of all the people we asked, 30% said they'd snog you.

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-Right.

-But a staggering 70% said they'd avoid you.

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I'd only snog 30% of the population anyway.

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POD also asked if they thought you were Top Totty, Too Tarty or Totally Trashy.

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Too Tarty, I think they said.

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Play.

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-She's too tarty.

-Too tarty.

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Top totty. She seems pretty cool.

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-Oh, that's sweet.

-It's a good job you're sitting down.

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-60% of the public thought you were Too Tarty.

-You can't be too tarty.

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Tarts are lovely in a cake shop. If you don't want to be on the shelf, natural beauty is always best.

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I think I'm already a natural beauty. I just maybe need a little help.

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-At last we're in agreement. Are you ready for my verdict?

-OK.

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Your short skirts and revealing corsets are far too trashy.

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You will have my Too Tarty to Top Totty Make-under.

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-I hope you achieve what you want to achieve.

-Run the make-under!

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In three, two, one...

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Oh, my God.

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-Look at all my hair.

-What do you think of the natural new you?

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I like the makeup. The hair will take a bit of getting used to, but it's OK.

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-The dress is tragic.

-POD computes you look more grown-up and very sophisticated.

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-Just because I'm 30 doesn't mean I have to dress like I'm 30. A bit tighter there...

-Stop it!

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-Yeah, I'm hiding my bust. You know?

-POD isn't hiding it. POD simply isn't advertising it.

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Hahaha!

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Before, 70% of the public wanted to avoid you. Do you want to know what they say now?

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-I may as well.

-Play.

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I'd marry her. She's attractive, great smile, great eyes.

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'I think I'd snog her. You can't tell about marriage material.

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'By her looks, definitely snog.'

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-Definitely snog, maybe marry. I definitely wouldn't avoid her.

-OK.

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With your new look, 90% of the public want to snog you.

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-You are now a fine filly from Caerphilly.

-I'll take that as a compliment.

-Here is your data.

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Hair - the shorter length shows off your toned shoulders, while flattering your features.

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Makeup - soft golds and bronzes across the top of the lids makes your blue eyes stand out.

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It's different.

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I've never...seen myself dressed like this ever!

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And I don't think I'll ever see myself dressed like this again!

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POD thinks it's time we parted company, on the understanding that this was a partial success.

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-Goodbye.

-Bye!

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I am a bit nervous about Chris's reaction. I'm hoping that he's going to be on my side!

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-Oh, wow.

-Wow?

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-What are you wowing at?

-You look good!

-Really?

-Yeah!

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-Are you blind?

-More sophisticated.

-Thank you. I don't look sexy in it.

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-Yes, sexier, but in a more sophisticated way.

-You're mad.

-No, it suits you. It's a good look.

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I think POD's done a really good job.

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I think that people should have the POD experience. A lot of people get stuck in a rut with their looks

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and the way they dress. My personality will never change.

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You can make me under, make me over, I'm still going to be me underneath.

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I thought Allyson looked gorgeous. Maybe her new look will grow on her.

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First, I've been searching the country for your top tanning tips. No Katie Prices need apply.

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-Don't exercise within a few hours of applying fake tan.

-It gets streaky.

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-Moisturise your elbows, knees, toes and fingertips.

-Or you go orange.

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Also don't use white bed sheets.

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Mix a glass of vodka and lemon juice in a cup, get a cotton wool pad and then wipe it off.

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Next up is somebody who wants to be taken seriously as a businesswoman.

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It might help if she loses a bit of pink and gains a few clothes.

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Hello. I'm Verena Twigg and I'm 32.

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I do what I want, wear what I want, say what I want, whenever I want,

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because I don't believe it is doing any harm to you.

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Who wants to sink into the background? Love it or hate it,

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there's nothing wrong with making an effort with what you look like.

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Would I ever consider going to the shop wearing anything other than pink or glamorous?

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Most definitely not.

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Every day is a fancy dress day and I feel a lot more confident if I've got cleavage showing

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and a bit of leg showing. It just makes me feel a lot more confident.

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It's good to turn heads.

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Cup of tea, anyone?

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And when I go out for dinner, I like to really go for it. Why not? You only live once.

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Hello.

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-Enjoy your sausage and chips.

-Bye!

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Oh, God. Life is too short and girls out there, basically, just enjoy it. Wear what you want.

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It's no big deal.

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Three years ago I set up my own modelling agency,

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just because I am getting a little bit older and it's time to maybe keep the clothes on a little more.

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In my business, there is a lot of younger girls. I love it.

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It makes me feel 22. I'm not ready to feel 32.

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I think POD might scream when she sees Verena!

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She has a lot of work! Cheeky bloody bugger!

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Whoo!

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Let's party!

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# I'll take you there Disco, disco, disco

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# I'll take you there Let's go, let's go, let's go

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# Disco, disco, disco, disco I'll take you there... #

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POD, I'm happy the way I am. Just try and change me.

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Mwah! Bye!

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-Hello, gorgeous Verena. How are you?

-I'm really well, thank you.

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-You're very bright and lovely.

-Pink to make the boys wink!

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-You go out clubbing with girls who are a bit younger than you, don't you?

-I do, yes.

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But you are dressing the same as these whippersnappers.

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I like to be over the top, outrageous, in your face. I just want to have fun.

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Do you think that there is an age when you think it's time to start dressing a bit more age-appropriate?

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You could be right with that. A few of my friends have said,

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"Why don't you start dressing a little bit more for your age?

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-It's nearly time to go into POD. How are you feeling?

-I'm nervous because I'm going to get ripped to bits.

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She might be having an off-day and actually be nice.

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-I don't think so.

-Right, I'm going to wish you good luck in POD now, so I'll see you on the other side.

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# Isn't she

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# Pretty in pink...? #

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I am POD, the world's one and only personal make-under device. Who are you?

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-I am Verena Twigg.

-Just because your name is Twigg, it doesn't mean you have to use wood stain.

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-That's a bit cheeky, isn't it?

-Not at all. I compute your skin tone is close to knotty pine.

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You are being cheeky again. I would say this is the perfect colour of tan. I've only got two layers on.

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We'll get to your clothes in a minute, but two layers of tan is two layers too many.

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There you go again, being cheeky.

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I like to wear something that's colourful because life is dull

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and if you wear brighter colours, you're in a better mood for the day.

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You're like a demented cheerleader, but it's not cheered me up.

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I love pink. It's my favourite colour. I think every day should have some kind of pink in it.

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Pink isn't always a thing of beauty. For example...

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-I know, but pigs are cute.

-They also eat their own poo.

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Here's something else that's pink.

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A teaspoon twice a day will stop feelings of nausea.

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-Is that for the pig or is it for me?

-It's for people who have to look at you with all that fakery on.

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Oh, that is an absolute insult, POD. How dare you!

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POD has to be cruel to be kind.

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Where have they gone?

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The same place as your natural beauty - into the unknown.

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POD can see you were once a naturally beautiful "Twigg-let".

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That is a very natural picture. I didn't wear much make-up then.

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-Why do you slap it on with a trowel now?

-It's just there's so much you can do with yourself nowadays,

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so much options out there for make-up and fake tan.

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-Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

-Well, I think you're wrong.

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-Then why have you come before POD for a make-under?

-Because I should be acting like my age.

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-So you agree that you should be acting your age, not your dress size.

-POD, you are just rude.

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There's only you saying that. Thousands of other people aren't saying that.

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-Only because you haven't asked them yet.

-Well, in my world, in my head, everybody likes me, yes.

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-Time to find out if that's true.

-I'm ready. Give it to me.

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Run phase one - public analysis.

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Based on your current look, I asked the public if they would snog, marry or avoid you.

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What do you think they said?

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I think that the public have said they want to snog me.

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If you were chocolate, you'd eat yourself, Verena. Play.

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I'd avoid her.

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She looks a tiny bit tacky. That's all, really.

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Oh, my God, that is... That is so nowhere near the truth whatsoever.

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I would avoid her. She just looks a little bit too trashy for my liking.

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Well, this actual dress cost a lot of money, so it's definitely not trashy.

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-Verena, you were robbed.

-Avoid that. She looks a bit mannish.

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Oh, my God! I've never had that one before.

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-Of all the people we asked, 10% said they'd snog you.

-OK.

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Nobody said they'd marry you and a massive 90% said they'd avoid you.

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I really find that hard to believe. I really, really do.

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POD also asked Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills if he'd snog, marry or avoid you. Play.

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I would avoid like the plague just because it's all wrong.

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Well, he can get lost basically because I don't know him,

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so his opinion really doesn't count to me, it doesn't affect me.

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-Are you ready for my verdict?

-Yes, POD.

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Twiggy, you need to branch out and turn over a new leaf

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with my Forrest Gump to Blooming Marvellous Make-Under.

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I'm in your hands now, so I'm trusting you to make me look absolutely stunning.

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POD won't let you down. Run phase two - deep cleanse.

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No!

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-My detectors are picking up a lot of fakery.

-My, what a big lens you've got, POD!

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All the better to see those horrid hair extensions. Please remove them.

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This is so embarrassing.

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Now I'd like to see that Twigg get stripped back to its natural look,

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so please put on your deep-cleanse uniform and get wiping.

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-I'm beginning to see a marked improvement.

-We'll see, POD.

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Run the make-under in three, two, one...

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Oh, my God!

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I actually love it.

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Oh! I love it.

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I don't even look like me. It's weird.

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It's the all new, improved, natural you and you look stunning.

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I feel like I look younger. I'm really shocked.

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Wiping off all that make-up and tan has wiped away the years.

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-Your skin looks more radiant.

-Thank you very much, POD.

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Previously, 90% of the public wanted to avoid you. Shall we see what they said now?

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I hope it's good news. I can't take any more avoiding and not marrying.

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-Play.

-Marry her because she's pretty, she's nice.

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-The sort of girl you'd want to snog.

-I'd snog her cos she's quite fit.

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Of all the people we asked, a resounding 100% said they'd either snog or marry you.

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Thank you, the British public. That's what I needed to hear.

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Here is your natural beauty data.

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Hair - copper-brown will make your skin tone look flawless and your eyes sparkle.

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Clothes - a chiffon sleeve is a suitable way to show skin while staying sophisticated,

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whilst a scoop neck is flattering on a large chest.

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I am going to definitely take away a few of the tips I've learned today.

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-That would be music to POD's ears, if I had any.

-Thank you very much for having me.

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-Thank you for being made under. POD proclaims it's been a massive success. Goodbye, Verena.

-Bye!

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# How you choose to express yourself

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# It's all your own and I can tell it comes naturally... #

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We are feeling really excited.

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-Super-excited about seeing Verena.

-I can't wait to see what she looks like.

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-She'll pull it off.

-She pulls everything off.

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I've seen her in some shocking outfits and she always pulls it off.

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THEY SCREAM

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Hiya, babe!

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What do you think?

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Oh, my God, Verena!

0:21:580:22:01

Thank you. Cheers!

0:22:010:22:03

-My God, you look amazing!

-Thank you.

0:22:030:22:06

I think Verena should keep the fringe, definitely keep the fringe.

0:22:060:22:11

I think fringes make you look younger and your face look softer. I really like the fringe.

0:22:110:22:17

But the dress is gorgeous. Really nice.

0:22:170:22:20

It's not "everyday Verena". It's an aspect of her life.

0:22:200:22:23

It's the "office Verena".

0:22:230:22:26

POD, I'm happy that I've made you happy by dressing like this today,

0:22:260:22:30

but I can't 100% promise you that all of it is going to stay.

0:22:300:22:34

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

0:22:340:22:37

If you'd rather spend money on a new frock than expensive face masks, here's how to make one at home.

0:22:420:22:47

You need half an avocado mashed up because that's full of potassium which is great for youthful skin,

0:22:470:22:53

a tablespoon of honey which kills germs because it's anti-bacterial,

0:22:530:22:58

a tablespoon of natural yogurt because it contains lactic acid

0:22:580:23:02

which is in all the expensive face creams - it's nature's exfoliant.

0:23:020:23:06

Right, so you mix that all up

0:23:060:23:08

and there you have one gorgeous, gloopy face mask.

0:23:080:23:14

Now for the messy bit. I have to put it all over my face.

0:23:140:23:18

All there is to do now is sit back and wait.

0:23:190:23:22

Let's see if this has worked.

0:23:280:23:30

So once you've got it all off, my skin feels much softer.

0:23:340:23:38

That is a brilliant home-made treat,

0:23:380:23:40

I've saved loads of money to buy a new outfit and what's left over I'll have for my tea.

0:23:400:23:45

Earlier on, we met the beautiful Allyson and turned her into a natural beauty.

0:23:480:23:53

We took away her tutus, but has she gone back to her naughty fairy ways?

0:23:530:23:58

-Hello, Allyson.

-Hi.

0:23:580:24:00

-Now, the tutus are back in town.

-Yeah.

0:24:000:24:04

I loved your make-under. You looked so beautiful. How did you feel?

0:24:040:24:08

It wasn't tight enough, it wasn't low enough and it wasn't short enough.

0:24:080:24:12

-What reaction did you get?

-There were quite a few people looking.

0:24:120:24:16

It made me feel good about myself, but I still felt a bit covered up.

0:24:160:24:20

-Overall, did you enjoy your make-under?

-Yeah, I enjoyed it all. It was new and interesting.

0:24:200:24:26

Have you got a message for the lady herself - POD?

0:24:260:24:28

I'd like to thank you. You've made me realise I don't want to be anything other than what I am.

0:24:280:24:34

So there, POD! You've been told by Allyson.

0:24:340:24:37

Next up is a guy who from the front looks a little bit wild and wacky,

0:24:400:24:44

but from the back looks rather strait-laced.

0:24:440:24:48

This one is not for the faint-hearted. You'll see what I mean.

0:24:480:24:52

# Goodbye, cruel world

0:24:520:24:55

# I'm off to join the circus

0:24:550:24:57

# Gonna be... #

0:24:570:24:59

I am POD.

0:24:590:25:01

Who are you?

0:25:010:25:04

-I'm Kitty, POD.

-You don't look like a cat.

0:25:040:25:08

-I'm not a cat. I can be a cat some days.

-Your hair tells me you should be in a circus.

0:25:080:25:13

Yeah, obviously, the blue hair kind of doesn't allow much leeway

0:25:130:25:18

with not looking like a clown.

0:25:180:25:21

Aside from looking like a right blue tit, what else is fake about you?

0:25:210:25:25

Well, I've got a fair few piercings,

0:25:250:25:27

big, fake eyelashes, fake nails, fake duck.

0:25:270:25:31

-Everything pretty much.

-Everyone has a high level of natural beauty.

0:25:310:25:36

-Why are you rejecting yours?

-Because I think it's a little bit more interesting and colourful.

0:25:360:25:42

-I bring a little bit of sparkle into people's lives.

-Incorrect.

0:25:420:25:45

-Have you told me everything that is fake about you?

-Yes, POD.

0:25:450:25:50

-POD computes you're hiding something.

-Is it my back, POD?

0:25:500:25:53

-What in POD's name is that thing?

-It's called a corset, POD.

0:25:530:25:58

No, it's called unnatural and unnecessary. Why have you done that to yourself?

0:25:580:26:04

It's kind of mixing clothes and art and fashion and skin and piercings and being different.

0:26:040:26:10

-It's being completely crazy.

-I thought you'd appreciate it, POD.

-Incorrect.

0:26:100:26:16

POD could never appreciate something that is so wrong and dangerous. How did it get there?

0:26:160:26:21

It was pierced in ring by ring and then laced up.

0:26:210:26:27

POD does not compute. You make it sound like a cosy needlework job,

0:26:270:26:32

rather than the body butchering it really was.

0:26:320:26:35

Oh, squeak!

0:26:350:26:37

You should come with a public health warning that continually flashes, "Don't try this at home!"

0:26:370:26:43

I've had it in before and it did grow out. I woke up and I had rings in my bed.

0:26:430:26:48

-So your body has rejected fakery once already.

-It's only because I was sleeping on my back, POD.

0:26:480:26:54

Don't you think your body was trying to tell you something?

0:26:540:26:58

It's no laughing matter. You're clearly obsessed with extreme body modification and that is no joke.

0:26:580:27:05

-I do love it, POD.

-You've walked so far down the road of fakery, you must have blisters on your feet.

0:27:050:27:11

-I do agree, POD.

-This makes you a fakery addict of the most extreme nature.

0:27:110:27:16

-A make-under could send you cold turkey.

-It would.

0:27:160:27:19

Therefore, you're rejected from my make-under programme

0:27:190:27:23

-until such time that you can give up your fakery for good.

-I'll try, POD.

0:27:230:27:27

I don't want to see that back back here. Goodbye, Kitty.

0:27:270:27:31

Bye, POD.

0:27:310:27:33

It was a mixed bag tonight. You win a few, lose a few.

0:27:360:27:40

Remind me to lose corsets from my database. I will never be able to look at another one ever!

0:27:400:27:45

I know. Eugh! Imagine what we'll do when they invent body-zippers.

0:27:450:27:50

Don't even joke about it. In fact, zip it!

0:27:500:27:53

Don't get your corsets in a crease. It's time for you to POD off!

0:27:530:27:57

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2011

0:28:180:28:23

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0:28:230:28:27

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