Episode 10 Snog Marry Avoid?


Episode 10

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Transcript


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Welcome to the dark side.

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Welcome to another blinging episode of the show that asks

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the all-important question - are you a natural beauty?

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And that show is this show - Snog, Marry, Avoid?

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So forget the fake tan, forsake the false eyelashes and forfeit those fake extensions.

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Time to chuck them all out and embrace the naturally beautiful you.

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Welcome to the fake-free world of the make-under.

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Hello, POD. It feels like ages since I gazed into your beautiful purple lens.

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-Well, you know what they say about absence, Jenny Frost.

-It makes the heart grow fonder?

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No, it makes the room smell nicer.

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No, that's incense, you twit.

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If you say so. And talking about things getting up your nose, who have we got on today's show?

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Ah, POD, you're in for a treat today, as all of our slap addicts - how shall I put this? -

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well, they're larger than life.

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Coming up on tonight's show...

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We've got a six-foot Glamazon with some stand-out assets.

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Big is beautiful.

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We'll be meeting a geisha who will be saying sayonara to her old look.

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And we'll be entering the psychedelic world of DJ Funghi.

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And I'm going to show you some fungilicious energy.

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It looks like I've got my work cut out for me today.

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Well, you'd better get going, then.

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These slap addicts won't make themselves under, you know.

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Bring it on, Frost!

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Hello. I'm Zara, I'm 24,

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I'm six foot three, so people call me a bit of a Glamazon.

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I like to look a bit tree-ish, like mahogany.

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Zara is very high maintenance.

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To look like me, it's really not an easy look, but I'm not just saying this because I think I'm gorgeous.

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Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake boobs, fake lips.

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My weekends are really for me and my girls to go out and have fun.

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The apartment we've got tonight, it's a penthouse one.

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Can't wait, should be fun. All fun and games.

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Are they done? Whoo-hoo!

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Me mum actually said to me once, she was like,

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"Zara, is there still anything left on your body that I gave you?"

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No, not really.

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Great.

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Done.

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Me and my girls, we get like an apartment in town.

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Hello, welcome to our pad.

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My mission in life is probably to party, party and party hard.

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It's a good lifestyle. It's good for the girls because we all get ready in the apartments and stuff.

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But it's a waste of money, to be honest.

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Is there any ice?

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-Anything else?

-No, that's it, thanks, Jess.

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At the end of the day, some people call this the celebrity lifestyle.

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Other people call it, I don't know, whatever.

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I call it my lifestyle and that's obviously how I roll.

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POD's definitely got a battle on her hands.

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When I go out with my friends, I always have the best time because their party time is the weekend,

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so they tend to go just a little bit wild.

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ALL: Zara! Whooh!

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# Here come the girls... #

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Don't imitate, innovate.

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Try and change? I don't think you can. See ya.

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Well, hello, Zara, how are you today?

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-All right, thank you.

-Can I just say, you're beautiful, gorgeous.

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-You're like a big Glamazonian.

-Thanks.

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Tell me about the attention you get walking around life like this.

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Every time I walk somewhere, everyone is like...

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It's like walking into a saloon. It's ridiculous.

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Everyone is like, "Look at her!" But I like it, really.

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Being a shy, retiring wallflower, which you obviously are...

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Two boob jobs, and you want them bigger?

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-Yeah, I want massive.

-How can you get bigger than this?

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I want them out there, I want them really big but my mum will probably kill me and might disown me,

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-so I'm not going to get them.

-You look like you're smuggling two little bald old men.

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Now, how are you feeling about meeting POD?

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Don't, no, I'm dreading it really bad. I hope she doesn't cut all my hair off.

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What's the worst thing she could do to you?

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Take me tan off because I just look like Casper.

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-Apart from that, I think I'll be all right.

-Are you going to put up a fight to defend your spray tanning?

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I'm ready to take POD on.

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Right, beautiful Zara, queen of the Glamazonians, I'm going to wish you good luck in POD now,

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and I'll see you, beautiful, on the other side.

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I am POD, the world's one and only make-under device. Who are you?

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-Hi, POD, I'm Zara.

-Do you play for the Harlem Globetrotters?

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-Who are they?

-They're basketball players.

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No, I really don't.

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You seem to have their basketballs stuck under your chin.

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What? They aren't basketballs, they're me boobs.

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How big are those boobs?

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They're a 34 double J.

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How far down the alphabet are you planning to go?

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Maybe Z.

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So you'd be known as Zara with the Z-sized knockers?

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-Do those balls ever give you bother?

-Sometimes I get food stuck down there, like.

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You could fit a three-course meal down that cleavage.

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-Oh, you're funny, POD.

-Not as funny as your skin tone.

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-I'm a beautiful colour, POD.

-Beautiful for a basketball.

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-Basketball? That's orange. I'm not orange.

-POD disagrees.

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Aside from your radioactive glow, what else is fake about you?

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-My hair colour.

-One.

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No need to count them, POD.

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-My weave.

-Two.

-My eyelashes.

-Three.

-I had my lips done.

-Four.

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-And a bit of Botox.

-Five.

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-And my boobs.

-Six.

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-And my fake tan.

-Seven.

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For POD's sake, stop! Before we go into double digits,

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are you not happy with what Mother Nature gave you?

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Well, yeah, I'm happy with what nature gave me.

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But everyone needs a little boost now and then, POD.

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You've been boosted to the back of beyond.

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Why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

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I'd like to set POD a challenge - make me under, then I'll be a very happy girl.

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POD accepts your challenge. But first we need to run phase one - public analysis.

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Based on your current look, we asked the public if they would like to snog, marry or avoid you.

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-What do you think they said?

-Erm...

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Snog.

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-Play.

-I'd definitely avoid this girl because she's orange as a baked bean.

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I don't look like a baked bean.

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I'd avoid this person. She looks a little bit scary.

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I'd avoid her because she looks completely fake, over the top, too much on show.

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In fact, of all the people we spoke to, no one said they would marry you, and 70% said they would avoid you.

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I think you're lying.

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I think you're in denial. POD also asked the public if they woke up next to you,

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would they make love to you, make you a cuppa, make a run for it.

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They'd better not have said make a run for it or else I'll be dead annoyed.

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Make love to her, I'd say.

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If I woke up next to her I'd make a run for it. I think that would definitely be a mistake.

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I'd definitely make love to her, then I'd make her a cuppa, and then I'd probably make love to her again.

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I think I'd be kind and make her a cuppa, and then make a run for it.

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Of all the people we asked, 20% would actually make love to you.

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Only 20%?

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30% would make you a cuppa while 50% would grab their trainers and run.

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Really don't know who you've been asking.

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The truth hurts, and thanks to your skin tone, so does my lens.

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Are you ready for my verdict?

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Go easy on me, POD.

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Your horrendous hair, terrible tan and blown up boobs are causing my fake detectors to go into overdrive.

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So you're going to have my High Rise Horror

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to Penthouse Princess makeunder.

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That sounds quite good, though. I'd like to be that.

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Well, not until you've scrubbed off all that slap.

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Run phase two - deep cleanse.

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Please put on your deep cleanse uniform.

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Now, get wiping.

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You could wipe that onto a fence to protect it for years.

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Whatever, POD.

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One of your puppies is trying to escape.

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You need them on a shorter leash.

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See, I just can't tame them.

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-POD can see your natural beauty is beginning to shine through. Can't you?

-I really can't.

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I don't know what you're looking at.

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Up until five minutes ago, I didn't know what I was looking at, either.

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What will you do once I give you a more naturally beautiful look?

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If it looks better than my old one, I'll keep it.

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POD will hold you to that. Run the makeunder, in three, two, one!

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Oh, my God.

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Zara, you're uncharacteristically quiet.

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I like the outfit but I need some more make-up on. Where's me eyelashes, POD?

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Those lashes have fluttered away to fakery heaven.

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No!

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I do like it. I like my hair, actually. It looks quite nice.

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Previously, 70% of the public wanted to avoid you.

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-Would you like to know what they said now?

-Go on, hit me with it.

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-Play.

-Probably snog her.

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She's not a bad-looking girl if I saw her on a night out.

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-Snog.

-Good marriage material, wife material.

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Marry.

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Of all the people POD polled, a promising 90% said they would want to snog or marry you.

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-How do you feel about that?

-I'm quite impressed about it.

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And so you should be.

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Here is your natural beauty data.

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Hair - use a volumiser when blow drying to add body and weight

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without the need for extensions.

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Fashion - a buttoned blouse is a great alternative to a shirt,

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and it flatters a large chest.

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Choose soft harem pants to flatter long legs.

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So, do you think POD passed your test?

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Look at me! I look like a bit stylish.

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Well done, POD.

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To be fair, I had a lot of natural resources to work with...

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Once I got rid of all the fakery.

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-Cheers, POD, thank you very much.

-You're welcome, and thank you for challenging me.

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It keeps my hard drive active. Goodbye, Zara.

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Thank you, bye bye.

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I'm really, really excited. I can't wait to see the natural look.

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I think my girls are going to be like, "OMG!"

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I'm dying!

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-What do you think?

-I love it.

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Do you love it? Do you love it?

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-Stop laughing!

-Oh, my God.

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I love it, I love it, I love it.

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Have you got me a vodka?

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Thank God for that.

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I didn't think it was her, especially in them clothes.

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You look like a completely different person.

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-Actually I do look pretty good, don't I?

-Fantastic. Well done, POD.

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I'm quite impressed with her, to be fair. She's done a good job. Thanks, POD.

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Cheers, girls.

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I thought Zara looked every inch the lady with her new look, and let's face it, there's a lot of inches.

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There's one thing most of our girls have in common -

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their never-ending love affair with fake tan.

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But they'd better watch out, the tan police are about.

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There's nothing I hate more than a girl with a lovely white dress on

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and false tan marks all over it.

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The worst thing I see is people with fake tan all over their hands

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-and it's bright purple.

-They just look silly.

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The thing I hate most is when you see false tan on clean white bedding.

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Too much fake tan, that's disgusting. They look orange.

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They look stupid.

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Next up is a girl who's a fan of all things Japanese.

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Say konnichiwa to Geisha.

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Hello, I'm Geisha.

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I'm a performing artist and fashion stylist.

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It started off with some white make-up.

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Suddenly I thought, what the hell, I'll just paint

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everything, I'm going to paint my whole face. Then somebody says, "You look like a geisha,"

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and I says, "OK, I'm Geisha."

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I think Geisha is nearly, nearly ready.

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This is Richmond Life Festival. I'm going to be doing a show here.

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It's a buzz, I like it.

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I'm going to sing for you a song today. It's about Humpty Dumpty.

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I used to be really, really shy,

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then one day I thought, "I don't care anymore what people think!"

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I love all my outfits because it just like makes me feel like a superhero or something, or a cartoon.

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I definitely feel animated.

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My insides feel very animated, and I like to show the world, like, that animated feeling on the outside.

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I'm going to show you this T-shirt, because I absolutely love it, because it says, "Break the Rules"

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on it, and that's exactly what I do in art and fashion. I break the rules.

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So, Geisha, this fascination with all things Japanese.

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Have you been over to Japan and fell in love with the place?

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Never been there.

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You've never been, but you decided to turn yourself into a Geisha?

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Yeah, a lot of people, they thought I went to Japan and then come back, but it's just happened this way.

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It's an evolution of...something.

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-Is this a Barbie dress?

-Yes.

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Somewhere there is a naked Barbie, because her dress is on your head.

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-Yes.

-POD's going to have a field day with you!

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How do you think you'll feel when POD takes away top-to-toe Geisha-ism from Geisha?

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I think I might put my face back on. We'll see what happens though!

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Geisha, I'm gonna wish you good luck and I will see you without the Barbie dresses. Good luck!

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I am POD.

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Who are you?

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I'm Geisha.

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You are an 18th century Japanese courtesan?

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I wouldn't quite say that, no.

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-What would you say?

-Well, geisha originally meant artist, yeah?

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Artist of all arts.

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Are you an artist of all arts?

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I could say so, yeah, I do bits and bobs of everything.

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Half fashion stylist, half performing artist.

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And two halves make a total mess!

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What are you covered in?

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Many different colours, fabrics, netting, little Barbie doll dress.

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-Beads.

-Where do you find these bits and bobs?

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-I like to collect things all over the place.

-In skips?

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Yeah, sometimes, I could find some stuff, you might say it belongs in a skip, but I don't.

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One man's junk is another Geisha's gold?

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This is my insides, outside!

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I would call it natural myself.

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-I feel natural.

-Your insides, outside?

-Yeah.

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Is that why your outfit looks like your small intestine has been exposed?

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Mm. That's a little bit cruel of you.

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I might cry, actually. I won't, though, POD.

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How do other people react to your geisha look?

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Mainly people find it fun. I want to make people smile.

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And I'm sure you give some people a right good laugh!

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Yeah, there's been some people.

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-Shall we find out what kind of reaction your geisha style got in our poll?

-OK.

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Run phase one - public analysis.

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We asked the public, based on your current look, if they wanted to snog, marry or avoid you.

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-What do you think they said?

-I think that they said avoid.

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Let's find out. Play.

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Very strange.

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I would avoid. I'm sorry.

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I'd avoid her.

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What she's wearing is very odd.

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She looks like she's escaped from the mental hospital and needs to go back ASAP.

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Ooh, I wouldn't say I'm mental.

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Maybe I'm slightly eccentric.

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Mm. 5% of the public did actually want to lock lips with you.

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Really? They want make-up all over their face then!

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But a hefty 95% said they'd avoid you.

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-Cool!

-We also asked if the public thought you were

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a Gorgeous Geisha, a Wasabi Wannabe or a Minging Manga.

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I think that they said a Gorgeous Geisha.

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-Play.

-She could be a Wasabi Wannabe.

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I think she's a Minging Manga.

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I'd go for she's a Wasabi Wannabe.

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-75% of the public thought you were a Minging Manga.

-Really? Wow.

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-25% said Wasabi Wannabe.

-Uh-huh.

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Sadly, no-one thought you were a Gorgeous Geisha.

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Oh, that's too bad.

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Are you ready for my verdict?

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Yes, I would like to hear POD's verdict.

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Your gruesome make up and bizarre clothes make you look like a cartoon

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calamity, so you'll be redrawn, with my modern classic makeunder.

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Really? So you don't think my artwork is...nice?

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Well, it's certainly very...experimental.

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But I can see that hiding beneath all that haberdashery is a natural beauty.

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Geisha likes to move forwards.

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In that case, run the makeunder, in three, two, one...

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What do you think?

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Very nice. It's cool. I'm going to go out tonight like this.

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The dress is lovely. Great shoes.

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Nice cardy.

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Now we've got rid of all of that paraphernalia, POD computes you're a natural work of art.

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If you say so.

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Previously, 95% of the public wanted to avoid you.

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-Do you want to know what they said now?

-Yes, I do.

-Play.

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I'd definitely marry her. She looks very classy.

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Yeah, definitely a snog.

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I'd definitely snog this girl, she's got a really nice smile.

0:19:100:19:14

Of all the people we asked, 70% wanted to snog or marry you.

0:19:140:19:19

-That's cool.

-Here's how POD achieved the natural new you.

0:19:190:19:24

Hair - create an old school Hollywood look

0:19:240:19:27

with a classic up-do with soft curls at the front to flatter a slim face.

0:19:270:19:33

Fashion - choose shoulder pads to broaden the shoulders and to balance out a petite frame.

0:19:330:19:39

What do you like most about your new look?

0:19:390:19:41

All of it! Especially the hair.

0:19:410:19:44

That's because you don't have a bird's nest in it!

0:19:440:19:49

-I agree.

-POD loves it when a plan pays off.

0:19:490:19:52

-Goodbye, Geisha.

-Bye, POD.

0:19:520:19:55

I've gone to meet my friend Danny.

0:20:030:20:07

He might not even recognise me. Maybe he'll think, "Who's that?!"

0:20:070:20:10

-Hey!

-Hello.

-Awesome! How you doing, darling?

0:20:130:20:17

-You look amazing.

-Really?

0:20:170:20:20

Yeah! You look great.

0:20:200:20:22

-Cool.

-You look great, dude!

-Really changing stakes, man! Cool.

0:20:220:20:30

I got great hair, good make-up, nice new clothes, I think that she's absolutely fabulous!

0:20:300:20:37

I would definitely want to meet POD again. I mean, it was an absolutely life-changing experience.

0:20:370:20:44

I love you, POD. Bye-bye.

0:20:440:20:46

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

0:20:460:20:49

Wow, Geisha looked gorgeous, but will she keep her new look?

0:20:510:20:55

Hope so. We'll find out later.

0:20:550:20:57

But first, here's another cheap and cheerful beauty tip for you, and do try this at home!

0:20:570:21:03

Now, you wouldn't wear the same clothes day in, day out

0:21:060:21:09

without washing them, because that would be gross.

0:21:090:21:12

Well, the same should apply to your make-up brushes.

0:21:120:21:14

You use them every day, dip them in make-up, slap them on your face and they get full of bacteria,

0:21:140:21:21

and bacteria can lead to spots, so you should clean your brushes.

0:21:210:21:25

It's simple to do. All you need is some hot water,

0:21:250:21:29

some washing-up liquid, and give it a good scrub.

0:21:290:21:34

Once the make-up brush looks clean, make sure you have all the washing-up liquid out.

0:21:340:21:38

So there we have it, a nice clean make-up brush.

0:21:400:21:43

All you need to do is pop it on the radiator so it dries naturally

0:21:430:21:46

and tomorrow you'll have a brand new germ-free make-up brush.

0:21:460:21:50

Do you remember the gorgeous Glamazonian Zara from earlier on?

0:21:530:21:57

POD made her into a natural beauty.

0:21:570:22:00

But has she kept it up? Let's find out. Zara!

0:22:000:22:03

Look at you! I have never seen so little of your flesh!

0:22:030:22:07

-I know!

-Come and sit down.

0:22:070:22:09

-You look great.

-Thank you.

-Tell me about your makeunder experience.

0:22:090:22:13

Could you accept you are a natural beauty?

0:22:130:22:15

For about 20 minutes, yeah. Then I was straight on the phone, saying, I want my lashes doing,

0:22:150:22:20

my weave put back in, and I want a spray tan, ASAP! Sort it!

0:22:200:22:26

What did your friends and family think of the toned-down Zara?

0:22:260:22:29

My friend gasped. She'd never seen me like that before.

0:22:290:22:32

She was like, "Where's your hair gone?" I was like, "On the floor!"

0:22:320:22:36

That's where it went!

0:22:360:22:38

The make-up has toned down and you've only got one set of false eyelashes on?

0:22:380:22:43

I've just got individuals on now. I did used to wear five sets, plus individuals to stick on,

0:22:430:22:48

and then I would find them in the bottom of my bath!

0:22:480:22:51

Well, I think it's been quite a success because you've toned

0:22:520:22:55

the make-up down, we've lost about four sets of lashes, we've not got anywhere near as much flesh on show.

0:22:550:23:01

Have you a message for our POD?

0:23:010:23:03

Just thanks, really. I had a good time and I hope to meet you again.

0:23:030:23:07

Watch out, POD! Zara's gonna get you!

0:23:070:23:10

Next up is a colourful character who's a lot of fun...

0:23:120:23:16

in fact, you could say he is a fungi... get it?

0:23:160:23:20

I know, sorry, awful!

0:23:200:23:22

I am POD. Who are you?

0:23:300:23:33

Hello, POD. I'm Funghi.

0:23:330:23:35

You're a fun guy?

0:23:350:23:37

I can be if you want me to be.

0:23:370:23:39

Oh, please! What are you known as?

0:23:390:23:42

-The Funghi Experience.

-What does that consist of?

0:23:420:23:47

Anything that takes this dull world into a bit of colour, and that's what I do.

0:23:470:23:53

-That's where I leave my spores around.

-Don't leave your spores around here!

0:23:530:23:57

So, do you think you have to look ridiculous to change the world?

0:23:580:24:02

No, I don't think you have to look ridiculous.

0:24:020:24:06

But if you have it in you, then why not show it?

0:24:060:24:10

I don't want to see what's been inside you, DJ Funghi!

0:24:100:24:13

If you have a hunch on your shoulder, you have to put a bit of glitter on it.

0:24:130:24:17

POD has a hunch you have something on your shoulder, and it isn't glitter.

0:24:170:24:21

Those are little tattoos.

0:24:210:24:23

This is me, jumping on my mushroom.

0:24:230:24:27

-And this is me when I'm a malevolent creature.

-And are you a malevolent creature?

0:24:270:24:32

I'm somebody who enjoys life, and I'm a free spirit.

0:24:320:24:36

-POD computes these are all very admirable thoughts.

-OK, POD.

0:24:360:24:41

But your style makes you look like a demented Jack-in-the-Box!

0:24:410:24:45

I don't agree, POD. I feel myself free and vibrant like this.

0:24:450:24:52

POD computes without this fakery, you would be a natural beauty.

0:24:520:24:55

And what's inside would then also match the outside.

0:24:550:24:59

Why are you covering it up?

0:24:590:25:00

I am not covering it up, I am the beauty that I am from the inside, coming to the outside.

0:25:000:25:07

I am expressing myself in the way I feel that I have to do.

0:25:070:25:11

POD has heard enough. Are you ready for my verdict?

0:25:110:25:14

-Yes, I am, POD.

-You're firmly of the belief that you look good?

0:25:140:25:18

Yes, indeed, POD.

0:25:180:25:20

POD strongly disagrees.

0:25:200:25:22

OK, sorry for you, POD.

0:25:220:25:24

However, you seem so determined to spread your version of love and happiness

0:25:240:25:28

that POD would not want to get in the way of your mission.

0:25:280:25:31

-Thank you very much, POD.

-So therefore, POD will not be running the makeunder programme.

0:25:310:25:36

Aw, POD. Can I give you a mushroom, though?

0:25:360:25:40

-Please don't wave your little mushroom in POD's face.

-Why, POD?

0:25:400:25:43

Whilst POD appreciates the gesture, I would prefer it if you kept your mushroom in your trousers!

0:25:430:25:49

-I will.

-And since you are determined to live your life as a mushroom,

0:25:490:25:53

there is only one thing for it. You'll thrive better in the dark!

0:25:530:25:58

Thank you very much, POD.

0:25:580:26:00

Earlier on, we met Geisha and POD transformed her

0:26:030:26:07

from a wacky princess into a gorgeous natural beauty,

0:26:070:26:11

one of the biggest transformations we've ever had on the show. Has she kept it up?

0:26:110:26:16

Let's meet her and find out.

0:26:160:26:17

Geisha, you appear to have a moustache!

0:26:170:26:20

-I'm Geisha Chaplin for today.

-Of course you are. And why wouldn't you be?

0:26:200:26:24

Would you say it's a confidence thing that you wear this make-up all the time?

0:26:260:26:31

It's partially that, also I'm an artist.

0:26:310:26:34

I like to wear my paint on my sketchbook, or on my face.

0:26:340:26:39

Now, on the day, it was such a huge transformation.

0:26:390:26:42

Before after, it was like two completely different people.

0:26:420:26:45

Could you see how amazing you looked as a natural beauty?

0:26:450:26:49

Yeah, I liked it as well.

0:26:490:26:50

It was like it was somebody else.

0:26:500:26:52

And this is me now. That was me then.

0:26:520:26:55

Have you got a message for the lady herself, POD?

0:26:550:26:57

Thank you, POD. It was a great experience.

0:26:570:27:00

But I told you that I wouldn't change!

0:27:000:27:03

Well, POD, Geisha looked gorgeous when you finished with her.

0:27:060:27:09

-What happened?

-She clearly misunderstood my instructions.

0:27:090:27:13

I told her to keep up the good work, not to look like a complete berk.

0:27:130:27:17

Not every girl can carry off a moustache.

0:27:170:27:19

I think this one looked like a right Charlie.

0:27:190:27:22

I do agree with you, POD.

0:27:220:27:24

Well, you can't win them all.

0:27:240:27:25

I think it's time for you to POD off.

0:27:250:27:28

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0:27:470:27:50

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0:27:500:27:53

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