Mel and Luke Snog Marry Avoid?

Shake it, shake it, shake it!

I'm Ellie Taylor. Snog Marry Avoid is back on the road,

fighting the fakery of Britain.

POD computes that you two have no natural beauty.

-These are very natural.

-What's not natural about this?

Oi! You! Orange-faced one!

Put down the fake tan, because POD has had enough.

POD is fiercer than ever and back with a vengeance,

fighting fakery fanatics up and down the country.

Oh, shut up, you big hard drive.

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery that's stolen

their sons and their daughters, their brothers and their sisters.

ALL: Down with fakery!

Down with fakery!

We haven't brought her up to look like this.

From Bromley to Liverpool, Nottingham to Essex,

she'll be stripping the fakery sinners

and creating more beautiful saints.

I look like a badger now.

Scary hair alert! Scary hair alert!

POD also wants me to see what all the fuss is about

with the latest trends strutting off the catwalk

and stumbling onto our streets.

Whoo! I make it look pretty hot, though, right, yeah?

Stop doing that. It's not helping.

We are chiselling away at fakery.

This is Snog Marry Avoid?

All right, our kid, this week, we're in the home of many inventions,

including the Liver Building, the first European skyscraper,

the football goal.

WHISTLE BLOWS AND CROWD CHEERS

The first intercity passenger railway.

And Scousers.

POD's hard drive has gone into overdrive scanning the North West

and fishing out all the baked, caked and fake-obsessed in Liverpool.

-Hiya, POD.

-Hello, Ellie.

Today, we are in a very soggy Liverpool.

Ah, yes. One of the great battlegrounds on my war on fakery.

I think you're right. The sights I've seen this morning!

I've seen massive hair,

I saw someone with massive pencilled-in eyebrows,

and that was a bloke.

So it's time for you to tackle them one WAG at a time.

All right, maybe I could give a rousing speech, like,

we will fight them in the nail salons,

we will fight them at the counter to buy blusher.

We will...do things like that.

-Ellie, just get on with it.

-OK. Sorry.

Coming up in tonight's show, POD meets a girl whose face

would make the metal detectors at Heathrow explode.

I think my look is very intimidating.

I couldn't care less what anyone says about me.

I hit the streets of Liverpool

and fish out what Scousers think is hot when the rest of us say not.

They're like daggers!

I finally get to take a nap from all that running around I do

as I test out a look popular with Liverpool lads and lasses.

-The onesie.

-I've got one just like it.

-Onesie twins!

-I know!

And we hunt down a northern cheeky chappy

who wants to be more rude boy than nice boy.

I'm Boyanna, the male Rihanna.

Liverpudlians are in a world of their own

when it comes to street fashion,

but are they still on the same planet as the rest of us?

Liverpool style is glamorous and sexy.

It's all about the fake. Fake tan, fake eyebrows.

-Fake hair.

-Fake boobs, fake bum.

-What have you got that's fake?

-Eyebrows, eyelashes, nails.

They're like daggers!

Some people go dead orange and some people have Scouse brows.

I love the Scouse brow.

They look like a walking Wotsit with slugs on their head.

Mine aren't that bad, are they?

-We love Liverpool!

-We love Scouse girls!

We love Liverpool!

Now for Mel, whose Mohawk is causing misery

for her long-suffering mum.

Hiya. My name's Mel. I'm 20 and I'm the only punk in the village.

The thing I love most about my style is the studs and the tattoos

and the leather. If it's not ripped, rip it.

And dye your hair the brightest colours ever.

Some people look at her as if she's scum.

I think my look is very intimidating.

Everyone just, like, moves away.

It just makes me feel ashamed sometimes.

I couldn't care less what anyone says about me.

She's gone way too far on her piercings.

Too many piercings in her face.

That jackets stinks.

It's got every meal she ever eats all down the front of it.

It's attached to her. It's like she was born with it.

I'm proud of my leather jacket.

When I was younger, I was definitely shy.

I was that little geek that sat in the back of the classroom

always getting bullied.

It were just miserable.

I must've just been an easy target.

The picking on Melissa was the foundation of her extremism now.

It's like a defence mechanism

because she was bullied quite a lot when she were younger.

It's just her way of saying to people,

"Don't look at me, I'm going to raar!"

I keep telling her she's beautiful and she's a lovely person,

but she's just so insecure.

Melissa's look at the moment is stopping her

from getting a job or getting anywhere in life.

She attracts the wrong kind of boys.

It's like I'm a loner again.

I'm actually quite a bit scared

about POD getting rid of all my fakery.

I've never known anything about being not fake.

Please, POD, bring my pretty little girl back

because she's scaring away all the nice boys.

POD, if you think you can change me, you can get the punk out of here.

Mel's asked me to meet her here.

And unless there's a swarm of bees nearby...

BUZZING

No-o-o-o-o-o-o! Stop!

Tell me about your tattoos. How many have you got?

I'm not really sure.

It's like all my legs just seem to be getting more and more full.

-Just turning into one giant tattoo?

-Yeah.

Ooo! That's...Ow!

Do you always dress like this, or do you ever just put on normal clothes?

It's more embarrassing than when I go out like this.

I just feel insecure. I feel like everyone's staring at me.

-You feel like that when you're in normal clothes?

-Yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah.

So, Mel, I know you're a punk, but I want to try and work out

if you really are an anarchist at heart.

So, sale for 50% off sign, lovely pair of shoes maybe,

or a down-with-the-political-classes placard?

Down with the political classes!

Create Twitter mayhem with a campaign against politicians,

or create a Twitter campaign with your love for Justin Bieber?

Against politicians, definitely.

-Not the Biebs?

-His voice is broken. He's not what he used to be.

Oh, did you like him before? You did!

# Baby, baby, baby, oh. #

His song were right catchy.

Mel, from my quiz, I've gathered that there's actually

quite a bit of a conformist inside of you with the Bieber reveal.

This is amazing. I think it's time for you to go and meet POD.

-Are you ready?

-Yes, I am.

-Let's go.

Brace yourself. Onwards.

POD, let me in.

Argh! Scary hair alert! Scary hair alert!

-It's not that bad.

-It really is!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-I'm Mel.

-Mel from hell?

No, Mel from heaven.

Why do you have hair like a cockerel?

It's not like a cockerel.

Well, my mum keeps saying I look like a chicken, but I don't see it.

Please can you talk POD through your look.

My look's all about brightly-coloured spiky hair,

piercings, black makeup,

studs and leather and ripped clothes.

Just punk.

How much do you think POD would get taking you down the scrap yard?

Let's talk about your piercings.

I've got 30. Most of them are in my ears.

I had my cheeks done, but it leaks when I drink water.

-So, you've got leaky cheeks?

-I have.

POD computes you have become a human pincushion.

What do you think your look says about you to the general public?

That everyone thinks I'm cool and trendy?

What's cool and trendy about a look from the 1970s?

-Shall we find out what the public think?

-Yes, POD.

Run phase one - Public Analysis.

I asked the general public, would you snog, marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

I think they said avoid.

I'd avoid this girl because her face is covered in metal

and she looks like the third member of Jedward.

-I don't even like Jedward.

-Who does?

I would avoid her because

there's just too much metal going on in her face.

It's all about the metal.

I would avoid her because I think the dog collar

is a little bit too heavy-duty.

Do you like to be led?

Well, you know, if it's by the right man, yeah.

Hm. Interesting.

100% of the public said that they would avoid you.

You're obviously asking the wrong people.

POD computes you are a poultry-headed punk in a bunk

and you need my punk-rocker-shocker

to gorgeous-inner-frocker make-under.

It is now time for the deep cleanse.

Oh, no!

First of all, get rid of the jacket.

Oh! My jacket!

Off it comes, Mel.

Remove the cutlery.

I might be here a while.

I feel naked.

De-punk the face.

Oh! Seriously?

Oh, Mel!

Run the make-under in three, two, one.

Oh, my God!

I've never seen myself like this before.

It's like someone else is in the mirror.

I feel like a lady.

POD computes you do look shockingly beautiful.

I really like the hair. I love the dress!

-I feel sexy.

-You look sexy.

Thank you.

Would you like to hear what the public think of you

-with this new look?

-Yes.

I'd snog her, like, because she's naturally good-looking

and I'd find her attractive, yeah.

You are very attractive, aren't you, Mel?

I am now.

-I'd snog her because she looks friendly and approachable.

-Aw!

As opposed to scary, like you were before.

I was never scary, I was just misunderstood.

-I'd definitely marry her.

-Oh, wow!

She looks like the type of girl I'd like to take home to my mum.

That's never been said before.

70% of the public now said they want to snog you

-and 30% said they'd marry you.

-Oh!

I feel like I'm on top of the world.

Are you ready to show the world your fabulous new look?

Yeah, I can't wait.

Initiating Podwalk.

The Podwalk's been beamed down in one of Liverpool's hottest bars.

Will Mel's long-suffering friends and family love her new look?

I'm really excited about walking down the catwalk.

My mum's definitely going to cry.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-She looks amazing!

-Isn't it incredible!

She's a young lady.

I told you you were beautiful.

I've been telling you for years.

Do you really hope she keeps it?

Yeah. I want her to stay like this.

See, you can get a proper boyfriend now.

-Do you feel like you've got your daughter back?

-I do, yeah.

-Yes.

She's beautiful!

I've got loads of tears and I love it. It's amazing!

POD computes that Mel has gone from scary metal-faced punk rocker

to natural-beauty goddess.

I was so shocked when I saw Mel.

I never expected her to look so pretty.

It's a total transformation.

Her confidence has boosted.

It's going to change her life completely.

I'm feeling quite elated.

I can't believe, like, everyone says how nice I look.

I think it's changed how I feel about myself.

I don't feel like everyone is staring at me for the wrong reasons.

It's a nice feeling, to be honest.

There's a new army marching through the streets of Liverpool,

but their uniforms are usually found in baby shops.

You do see a lot of girls walking around with onesies on.

What are you wearing?

We're wearing onesies!

Oh, I love onesies, got three, with ears and tails and everything.

How on earth do you go to the toilet in a onesie?

I'd wear my onesie indoors, outdoors, anywhere.

Onesies? Think they look stupid.

We love our onesies.

Everyone in Liverpool loves a onesie!

Hi, POD.

Ellie, POD is worried that Liverpool

has been overrun by adults with babygrows.

Oh, I know what you mean - you mean a onesie.

Sounds like a wrongsie if you ask me.

I've never had a go, actually. I love pyjamas.

OK, let me check my database. Ahh, yes, here you go.

Don't make me look stupid, though, right?

Too late.

Oh, my God, what is that?

Now get out there and find out what all the fuss is about.

What is up with the saggy gusset?

I'm going to have to hold that.

-Do you think I'm sexy?

-I think you're rocking it. It's very Milan.

'POD didn't want anybody to feel left out of the onesie love,

'so she got me a couple of extras.

'One for the girls...'

-I love it. I've got one just like it, actually.

-Onesie twins!

-I know.

'..and one for the boys.'

Boys, what are the benefits of wearing a onesie?

You can go anywhere and be an animal. Neigh!

Do you want to take me to bed, or do you want to put me to bed?

Put them to bed, because I do not like them at all.

I make it look pretty hot, though, right?

Stop doing that because it's not helping.

Do you ever, when you see a man in a onesie,

immediately look at the crotch area to see if there's any whackage?

-Know what I'm dealing with here?

-Yes.

-See what's going on.

Is this the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your life?

Everything about it is ridiculous, I'll be honest with you.

How about this one, though?

That's probably big enough for you, actually.

I'll do that for you, my friend.

Don't worry.

-What about if I started doing this to you?

-Don't, I don't know.

-ALL:

-Onesies!

-Hello, Ellie.

-Can I take this off now?

Ah, I see you're still wearing that thing.

Yes, I am, I've had enough

and there's a pack of hounds outside ready to rip me apart.

What did you learn about the onesie, Ellie?

I've learnt that a lot of people have them,

not a lot of people would wear them outside, though,

so, I look like an idiot, thanks very much for that.

-We'll have that off you then, shall we?

-Yes, please.

That's a bit better, not quite as embarrassing,

but I do kind of miss the tail to I'm honest.

-Ellie, just get back out there.

-All right, then.

Rihanna might think she's the only girl in the world,

but Luke knows that he's the only Boyanna from Harrogate.

I'm Luke, I'm 20, I'm Boyanna,

the male Rihanna, and I'm from Harrogate.

My style is Wannabe G, because I like chunky chains,

I like sports brands and mixing it up with feminine stuff.

G is like gangster.

Looking cool, you can have G in your clothing, G in yourself.

Like, it just rolls.

I do love a little bit of bling, I love my gold, chav chains, rings.

Sparkles up everything and makes you look a bit, like - sick.

He's really over the top about everything.

Personality, outfits, hair, make-up, he's completely out of the box.

Stands out and seems to get lots of looks

and he's got mixed colours and mixed patterns going on, very tropical.

And weird.

My style icon is Rihanna.

I'm just obsessed with her, like, everything about her.

Dance moves, clothes, everything.

I'm a boyanna, I just want to be her.

I live in a little village in between Leeds and Harrogate,

where no-one else really lives except grandmas.

I'd probably say I'm a little bit of a celebrity in Harrogate -

I'm like "boom" compared to everyone else.

I volunteer in Oxfam.

I give some advice to the grannies for a little bit of bling.

A bit of pink to make the boys wink, polar-bear chic. That looks sick.

I bring a bit of glamour and a bit of bling and I just work it.

Luke has always been very different to a lot of others,

even at school, he always wanted to wear things he wanted to wear.

Probably when I came out gay at 16-ish

I started experimenting with tan, make-up, clothes.

And then it just kept getting worse and worse and worse,

and by last year, I looked like a man in drag, so I calmed down a bit.

I don't push it to the boundary of being a girl.

My getting-ready routine is putting my foundation on first,

then I'll probably put a bit more foundation,

so it covers my spots a bit more

and then I'll put my bronzer on

and put some more bronzer on.

The darker, the better, because I'm ugly as hell.

I love going out.

The weekend is my life. It's just a good time to let your hair down.

I do dance like Rihanna, probably better.

Pod, please help me out here.

I want my best friend to wear less make-up than I am.

I mean, I'm the girl in this.

Pod, I would love you to get rid of Luke's orange look

and also his flamboyant dress sense.

Pod, I love the way I look.

Why you getting up in my grill?

OMG, I've just heard that a major celebrity,

Luke from Yorkshire, is here!

-There he is.

-SHE SQUEALS

Maybe he'll sign my boobs.

Oh, I need a brown paper bag.

Oh, jeez, Louise.

It's like a '90s disco. Dude, put that down. Enough.

So, Luke, is it true that you're a bit of a celebrity in your hometown?

I'd say I'm very well known in my hometown.

There's no gay in Harrogate, except me.

You're the only gay in the village?

-I'm the only one that's jazz-handing round the street.

-Hi!

-You've got quite a fierce dress sense.

-Yeah.

-It's like Mr T meets the jungle, meets the '80s.

-Yeah.

I define my style as Rihanna-esque.

So, in regards to the love life, how is this look working out for you?

I'm just a failure in love life.

Do you think it's because of the way you dress?

-Maybe, or because I'm a bit of a psychopath.

-You're a bit intense?

-Yes, I'm intense.

-Coupled with quite an intense look,

-could make you quite a thing to take on.

-Probably, yeah.

Do you think if you change your look, you'll get positive reaction?

Yeah, hopefully. All boys, any boys.

I'd just like to see me stripped down

and see what people's reactions are to me.

Luke, I think it's time that we did a little quiz to find out

how much you really are like Rihanna.

If you go out on a rainy day,

do you bring a pack-a-mac or an umbrella, ella, ella?

Umbrella.

-Do you like to take a curtsy or take a bow?

-Take a bow.

-I love that song.

-Totes emosh.

-Totes emosh?

They did it on Glee.

Tears. Are you looking for a nice, polite boy or...

-SHE SINGS "RUDE BOY"

-a rude boy.

-Everyone wants a rude boy.

-OK, enough.

On that note, I think it's time that we get you into POD, my friend.

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Right, let's go.

It's going to be totally G.

Hello, POD.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device, who are you?

I'm Luke.

Luke, POD computes you are completely blinging!

Yep, I suppose I am.

But your blinging is minging.

That's tight.

What on earth do you mean about being tight?

Don't be tight, don't be mean.

Luke, what language are you speaking?

Leeds slang-ish.

Well, POD would like you to teach me some Leeds slang-ish.

G Cool, that's sick, decent, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

-Thank you, Luke, good advice.

-Cheers.

POD would like you to talk through your look.

It's like Rihanna, Boyanna - meets!

Don't hate, appreciate.

You are in fact one of the orangest people I've seen in a while.

Oh, shut up, you big hard drive.

I just like to put a few layers of fake tan on,

maybe three or four.

Normally, I do a full sha-bang.

-A sha-bang tan?

-Sha-bang tan.

-Amazing.

Sha-mazing.

It's now time to run your public analysis.

Aah!

I asked the public, would you like to snog, marry or avoid this boy?

What do you think they said?

Avoid, probs.

I'd avoid him because

he looks like something out of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Luke, take your fingers out your ears!

It's tight and I don't want to hear people abusing me.

I'd avoid him because the patchy fake tan looks rough.

Rough. Yeah, that's cool - rough.

I'm not sure that's the meaning they meant, Luke.

I'd avoid him because his choice of clothes is too effeminate for me.

I don't like these public. Who are you asking?

100% of the public I asked said, indeed, they would avoid you.

-100%?

-I'm afraid that's everyone, Luke.

Ey, they're proper cranks, them.

POD computes you look like a bad '80s boy band throwback,

who's more ping than bling.

And you need my brash-boyanna to boy-next-door make-under.

To you too. Apply the deep cleanse.

I think this is going to take a while.

And finally, that ridiculous crown of bling.

I look like Dopey off Snow White.

Remove all your make-up.

You're going to see all my spots.

Let's have a look at that wipe?

Run the make-under in three, two, one...

I like the outfit, outfit's cool.

I like it cos it's quite Essex-y and dapper.

The bling has gone.

Now the natural look is shining like a diamond in the...

-Sky.

-..sky

# Shine bright like a diamond... #

Natural beauty has been achieved - whoop, whoop!

Whoop, whoop.

-You look sick.

-Cheers, mate.

Shall we find out what the public think of you looking like this?

Yeah.

I would snog him. He looks hot and trendy.

Yeah, John, cool, yeah.

I'd snog him. He looks really smart and attractive.

Ah, thanks.

I'd probably marry him, because he looks like marriage material

and he looks really sophisticated.

Yeah, I definitely need that person's number.

In fact, 70% of the public want to snog you

and the rest want to marry you.

Whoo!

Are you ready to show yourself to the world,

like a stunning natural beauty?

I'm ready.

Initiating Podwalk.

Luke's mum and friends are waiting anxiously

to see if their rude boyanna

is a more sophisticated, dapper young man.

Will they like the change?

I'm excited to see my family and friends

because I want them to see the new me, and I'm ready to go.

Mum, what are you thinking?

-Looks gorgeous.

-Were you surprised?

Surprised by his hair and what you've put him in.

Thought he'd look handsome. No orange, perfect.

What do you think, Lauren?

Suits it, really, really nice. I like it a lot.

-Tick, VG, very good.

-Yep, very good.

Group hug.

POD computes that Luke has gone from a boyanna wannabe,

to sophisticated chappy.

When I saw him walk down the catwalk, I felt really proud of him.

He looks really handsome.

I could have just kissed him, and I did.

I was really impressed with his look.

I thought he looked dapper, proper gentleman. Really improved.

It was good, crazy, everyone was clapping.

I'm going to keep the natural look because it's nice. I like it.

I'm feeling happy.

Liverpool gals and guys are all about making a good first impression

but everything needs to be big, big and bigger!

Liverpool invented big hair. Bigger, the better, as you can see.

Liverpool girls like big everything.

-Oh, yeah?

-A bit of quiff.

Instead of having flat, boring hair like a librarian.

Are you going to supersize her hair?

It's all about getting your hair up,

giving it a good backcomb, loads of hairspray.

That is going to help the ozone layer.

-Extensions.

-They don't come cheap, you know, POD.

Why do they look so cheap, then?

We've got something called the Scouse Bun, where you wear

a hair doughnut and it makes your hair bigger.

I'd definitely wear it if I was a girl.

-Do you like it, though?

-No. Eject, eject!

You're only jealous.

Mel was the only punk in the village and Luke worshipped Rihanna so much,

he crowned her the Queen of his wardrobe.

They left POD looking very ladylike and dapper.

But have they kept their looks?

Yeah, I think so, apart from your face full of piercings.

I know, I couldn't live without them.

I'd like to be girly and then also so punk.

Because you said that you really liked to scare people

when you were in your whole punk regalia.

Usually people would just stare at you

and everyone keeps wolf-whistling me now.

-Do they? Really?

-Yeah.

And, Luke, what about you?

Yeah, I liked my look more with fashion instead of against fashion.

-You're still a bit of a crazy cat though.

-Cheers.

-You've got your fringing.

-Work it.

Do you think your idol, Rihanna, would approve of this?

Yeah, 100%. She'd love it.

What do you guys think you learnt from coming to see POD, then?

I've learnt not to be as extreme as I was.

I can always tone it down a bit.

Instead of being grotty all the time, I can look pretty as well.

I feel more confident walking in the street

without everyone looking like, is that an alien or a person?

POD has made me a new man.

-So, overall, have you enjoyed your experience?

-Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, I've loved it. It has been totes amaze.

-Can you make me one promise?

-Yeah.

-That you don't go anywhere near fishnets, either of you.

-We'll try.

Yeah, not promising anything though.

-Hello, Ellie.

-Hiya, POD.

How's your day been?

I'm exhausted.

Me too. I've spent all day scraping the orange off of their faces

and slapping down their manes.

It's a hard battle to win.

You're going to have to chill out with the aggressive chat.

Ellie, Ellie, beauty is pain.

What does that even mean, who are you, Lady Sovereign?

Anyway, you can carry on as much as you like, because I'm a lover,

not a fighter, so you can POD off!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd