Liberty and Sophie Snog Marry Avoid?

I'm Ellie Taylor.

Snog Marry Avoid is back on the road

and POD is fighting the fakery of Britain.

I'm Joanna.

POD: Joanna Fake-Tanner?

If you can't leave the house without piling on the fake tan

and peeling off your clothes, then you need to get into POD, pronto.

Make-under machine, POD, is the queen of mean,

and she's cattier than ever.

Why do you want to look so cheap and tacky?

How very dare you!

From Birmingham to Bromley, Notting Hill to Essex,

POD will be taking Britain's biggest fakers to task.

POD computes you would make a good 18th-century serving wench.

Bitch!

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery

that's stolen their sons and daughters,

their brothers and sisters.

THEY CHANT Down with fakery!

Down with fakery!

It covers up all her natural beauty, in many ways.

Let the battle against fakery commence.

This is Snog Marry Avoid?

This week, we've come to the home of the sisterhood of fakery.

# Hallelujah! Hallelujah! #

If you see people praying for oranger skin,

or shopping for the tightest, skimpiest outfits,

and POD on the verge of bursting a POD vessel,

you know we must be in Essex.

Shut up!

Hi, POD!

We're in my homeland of Essex today.

In the spiritual homeland of fakery, you mean!

Do you ever give it a rest?

Definitely not. The list of physical abominations here is endless.

Orange tans, big boobs, vajazzles.

Not all of us are like that, clearly!

Ellie, there'll be no vajazzling on my watch!

I've never had a vajazzle! I'm not going to get a vajazzle!

Ellie! I've got my lenses on you!

OK, OK! Right, I'll go out there

and sort out all of the fakery in Essex. 100%.

Coming up on tonight's show, we take on a feisty slap addict...

-I couldn't give a

-(BLEEP)

-what people think.

..I unleash my inner Essex girl...

-Shut up!

-Shut up!

-No, shut up, though.

-No, you shut up.

No, seriously, shut up.

..POD lands herself in double trouble...

SHE GIGGLES Easy, Sophie!

..and fakery goes feral.

She is the queen of canine couture.

DOG WHINES

When it comes to fakery,

Essex is Britain's undisputable artificial jewel in the crown.

You've got those who can't be fake enough.

A bit of bling here, a bit of bling here,

and a bit of bling here.

What more could you want?

Others who aspire to be fake.

If I had the money, I'd probably get my teeth done, my lips,

my boobs, my hair...I do love it!

Fakers in denial...

It's not really fake.

It's just making an effort.

Adding to your looks.

..and some who will fake their way to the dark side.

Are you Captain Jack Sorrow?

-SHE GIGGLES

-You could say that!

POD computes that you should rethink the whole Essex look.

Oh, POD! I thought you'd like it.

-Why?!

-Erm...

You two aren't examples of fakery, are you?

No, not really.

-Not really?

-Not at all.

-What do you do?

-I work in retail.

-Do you sell coffins?

-No!

I think that Essex girls are probably the fakest of them all.

-So nothing like you two, then?

-No!

There's nothing cool about looking like a bag of Wotsits.

They sound a bit desperate to POD.

Definitely. POD is right.

Vicky, I like you.

I like you too, POD.

Now for Liberty, who's freed herself

from the conventions of style and fashion, but not in a good way.

Hi, guys. I'm Liberty.

Number one, please judge me.

Number two, please hate me.

Because, number three, I love it.

SHE BLOWS KISSES

The main factors in my look, firstly,

it's got to be about make-up.

Perfect!

Big hair.

I've been growing my hair since I was 12.

Big nails, big tan.

Tan, times five coats.

Once, she went out and she had fake tan just to her knees.

THEY GIGGLE

What gives me the drive and the urge to do this

-is that I couldn't give a

-(BLEEP)

-what people think.

If I walk down the street and someone dirty looks me,

that urges me on to do more.

I'm like, "Yes! Feed it. Come on, feed it."

She's a really pretty girl, and I've always said to her,

"You're wearing far too much make-up."

When I was little, I was brought up to be very, very girlie.

Like, pristine, clean.

So I took that clean, girlie prettiness and amplified it.

Beau is quite literally the love of my life.

We shouldn't do that, should we? But we do.

Beau is definitely coming into POD with me.

POD better not be nasty to Beau, though.

So today, I'm going into POD,

because people like my mum would really love me...long time.

She might cry.

POD, I would like my daughter back in the way she looks her best,

which is natural.

POD, please, just one thing.

Bite me!

I'm meeting Liberty here to go for a walk in the park,

and apparently, she's bringing her dog, so I'm totally excited.

I bet she's got, like, a big woolly fleece on, massive wellies.

I just hope I'm not overdressed.

Oh, apparently not.

THEY BABY TALK TO DOG

-So pretty!

-What's his little name?

-I've got so many dog voices for him, it's incredible.

-I'm going to stop, cos I want to punch myself.

-So how would you describe your look?

-Girlie, gone a little bit psycho.

So you're quite matchy-matchy with how you dress.

Matchy-matchy, but trashy-trashy and printy-printy.

-You're quite into designer brands, right?

-Yeah.

When I see, like, a new bag somewhere,

nice, designer, expensive bag,

I always have to go for the tackier version of it.

So people are like, "Is that fake? Wait a minute. No, it's not fake."

-Why are you coming to see POD?

-My mum does a lot for me.

Like, a LOT for me, and I feel I owe her this.

I've got a quiz for you.

Do you prefer Manolo Blahnik heels, or high-street pumps?

-Manolo Blahnik.

-Posh under-eye reflective concealer,

or a bit of foundation from the lid of someone else's bottle?

Don't make me sick in my mouth! I'm going to have the concealer.

Straight away!

Armani glasses, darling, or big, NHS massive ones?

-With, like, huge rims?

-Yeah.

Oh, I love a bit of that! No, Armani.

You really are a designer lover.

I think we need to show you how high street can be cool.

Are you ready to come and see POD?

-Ready.

-Let's go.

Come on, then, missus.

Come on, baby.

-Are you ready?

-I couldn't be readier.

POD, are you ready for me?

POD BLEEPS

That is next level bright! Whoa!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

Who are you?

I am Liberty, and this is Beau.

# I want to break free... #

Why have you put a boy dog in a polka-dot dress?

He wants me to put him in dresses every day of his life.

You do realise that, as you're both here,

-I'll make-under the pair of you?

-Beau would like that.

He'd benefit from that. I'm doing it for him.

POD will need to focus on one of you at a time.

-So, for now, goodbye, Beau.

-Bye!

Now, Liberty, about this look.

Did you get it from the £1 shop?

I did most definitely not! That is an in-sult!

And how long does it take to look this awful?

The face in itself takes...

an hour and 45?

-An hour and 45 minutes?

-Mmm.

-To look like you've just head-butted a make-up case?

-Yeah.

Is that a duck's nest on your head?

It could be, yeah.

Please tell POD why you have come for a make-under.

Because I'm really intrigued to see what POD can actually do.

OK, let's run public analysis.

I asked members of the public if they wanted to snog, marry or avoid you.

What you think they said?

I'd say, well, I know, they're going to say avoid,

but it doesn't bother me.

I'd probably avoid her, because she looks like a witch from the '80s.

I don't look like a witch!

I would avoid this girl, because she's wearing way to much make-up.

Well, that person...

can get over it.

I would avoid her, because it's far too loud, what she's wearing,

and her hair is boufy.

Boufy's better than bushy. I'm glad they didn't say bushy.

In fact, 10% of the public

said they'd want to snog you.

Aw, bless 'em!

But 90% said they'd want to avoid you.

Yeah, OK.

POD computes that you are an over-the-top market stall madam,

who's splattered in slap.

You need my...

How do you feel about POD's verdict?

Market stall? Really? Really?

-Liberty!

-Let me be!

It's time to run the deep cleanse.

Why?

First of all, take off those ridiculous shoes.

Stripper shoes!

-Get rid of them!

-They're gone.

Now, please take off all of your accessories.

Ow! Why do I wear so much jewellery?

That's a very good question!

Now, let's have that business off your head.

OK, this might take a little while.

Oh, this is hardcore!

No more glitter, no more black.

So upsetting.

POD is completely amazed

at how beautiful you are under all that make up.

I'm glad you're amazed, because I'm definitely not.

It's time to run the make-under.

In three, two, one!

Oh, my God!

# Oh, if you could see me now... #

Weirdly, I kind of enjoy it.

I'd love a bit more mascara, but I love the hair.

-You look beautiful, don't you?

-Oh, thank you!

How do you feel in this look?

Yeah, I do like it.

My boobs look a bit bigger.

Did POD give me a boob job?

-No, Liberty, I did not!

-Aw!

Now, previously, I asked the public would they snog, marry or avoid you.

What did they say?

Avoid, fine!

-And what you think they say now?

-Marry!

I would snog her, because she has got a great smile and great hair.

Aw!

I'd probably snog her. She's really stylish and natural looking.

I'm loving the compliments, POD!

I would snog her.

She looks amazing. She glows.

She looks presentable. She's nice.

Oh, I AM nice! I AM nice.

-Actually, 40% of the public do indeed want to marry you.

-What?

The rest want to snog you.

Oh, good, OK. At least they want to do something to me.

Before you go, there's one more thing.

Close your eyes.

Open your eyes!

I've got my baby back!

And he's had a make-under too!

Look at him! He's stunning!

Now, are you ready to strut your stuff

-as a natural beauty on the catwalk?

-I am, indeed.

Initiating PODWalk.

Liberty's about to tread the runway at POD's specially created

Essex catwalk. But how confident is she feeling before the big moment?

I can't wait to see what they think.

Particularly Mum. I think she'll love it. Definitely.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

You look fantastic! Do you like it?

-I love the outfit, yeah.

-Wow!

I love the hair, would love some more make-up,

but otherwise, I love it.

What do you think?

Erm, to be absolutely honest,

I think there's a happy medium

between how she was when you first saw her and this.

-Ooh, feisty!

-Oh, no,

I like the mid-route between these two.

But look how nice the outfit is!

Well, it looks kind of like a school thing.

She's cross with me.

-No, I'm not.

-OK, that's fine.

-She is! She definitely is!

No, I really am, yeah.

Not what I expected at all.

I don't know what I expected.

-What do you think?

-I love it, yeah.

I can't wait to borrow the outfit. I really like it.

POD computes that Liberty has gone

from boufy catastrophe to pretty young thing.

Once I was into it, I loved it, and I could have carried on a couple more times.

She could look prettier with a little bit more make-up.

Not fake tan.

And possibly not so buttoned-up in the outfit.

She was honest, that's all I can say. So, yeah.

I don't think she's going to stop dressing the dog up.

Neither do I.

On the whole, the reaction was really, really good.

And obviously, that gives me a little boost.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Essex babes are famed for wearing fakery like a second skin,

and think nothing of going totes over the top.

You've got bleached-blonde hair, fake eyelashes AND orange skin.

It's not orange, though. It's brown.

Why do you want to look so cheap and tacky?

How very dare you!

Orange!

It's brown, definitely brown.

Definitely orange.

Definitely brown, and makes your teeth look whiter.

They obviously pull better when they look orange.

Yes, but WHAT are they pulling?

This level of fakery is unacceptable.

Shut up!

Essex overload! Essex overload!

Recalling Ellie!

Hi, POD!

Oh, thank heavens you're back! But I'm confused.

You're an Essex girl, and you don't look ridiculously fake.

There are some people who choose to dress like that.

The rest of us just like to be well-groomed.

Like a horse, you mean?

No, not like a horse!

In that case, please investigate this well-groomed Essex look, Ellie.

OK, I'll add a sprinkling of an Essex stereotype.

Just a sprinkling.

-Ellie!

-Tiny little bit of stereotype. Tiny.

-IN "ESSEX GIRL" VOICE

-Seriously, though, do you fancy me?

I think you look fit...

Stop it, babe! Honey, oh, my God!

..from the neck down.

Tell me why you love living in Essex.

Because it's fake.

I would not go back to being sort of natural. I love my look.

-Shut up.

-Shut up.

-No, shut up, though.

-No, you shut up.

I see a lot of fakery in Essex.

You've got the blonde hair, like, bright blonde,

white teeth.

Fake tan.

You're a bit...tangerine.

Fake eyelashes, fake nails, short skirts.

-Shut up.

-Shut up.

Does the farmer want a wife like this?

No, no, no!

I was like, "Oh, my God, are you serious?"

And he was like, "Yeah, I'm serious."

And I was like, "Seriously, at the end of the day, 100%, I don't even believe you."

-Shut up!

-Shut up!

Winner, in the arena!

And he was like, "Wah-wah," giving me all the agg,

and I'm like, "I don't even know what you're talking about."

And he was like, "Well, yeah I'm not going to marry you."

# You look reem! #

Hi, POD, you're looking gorge!

Oh, my God, Ellie! What have you done?

I've just gone a little bit, little bit Essex.

Has this ridiculous look helped you find out

why Essex girls love fakery?

I found out that everyone thinks it's very glamorous,

it's very sophisticated, very on-trend,

and generally, Essex girls are doing it...perfectly.

Ellie, POD's heard enough.

Please revert to your natural beauty

and take that silly thing off your head.

All right then, bubs. I'll see you later. Bye!

Now for Sophie, who's flying the flag

for Essex glamour in Manchester.

Hiya, I'm Sophie.

I'm 19, and I'm from Manchester, and I'm a part-time model.

The things that are fake about me are my hair...

I can't just have one set of hair extensions,

because I don't like thin hair.

..my nails...

my lips...

Perfect pout!

..my bum...

It's a foam bum!

..my boobs...

my tan...

The colour I'm going for now is black!

..my eyelashes...

They don't really make eyelashes long enough or thick enough for me.

-..everything!

-SHE GIGGLES

My mum was always, like, always quite glamorous.

Like, she got her boobs done, and as soon as I turned 18,

I wanted my boobs done.

Like, look at everyone's proper staring at us!

-BOYS JEER

-They just want a bit of me!

I think she's a bit, erm, OTT.

She just needs to tone it down

and just be natural.

I love attention, and I'm not going to get attention

if I go out looking like a plain Jane.

It's party time, boy!

Being made under, it'll be quite interesting.

Just to see if I can look pretty and natural.

Plain and interesting.

But I don't think I will.

Under all that make-up,

she is naturally pretty.

POD, good luck changing me.

I'm fit, I'm fake and I love it.

I'm here to meet Sophie. We're going to get our nails done.

But by the looks of her, she's got a bit confused.

She hasn't got many clothes on.

I think she thinks we're here to have another sunbed.

So, tell me about these.

-What, my boobs?

-Your boobs.

I like to make the most of them,

and obviously show them off.

Do all of your friends have fake boobs?

I think a lot of people... most people do, nowadays.

-Have you checked that statistic?

-No!

No, I don't think that's true.

Is there are any particular kind of style

that you're going for, the way that you dress?

Yeah, I do like the TOWIE look.

Like, but I think I'm more extreme than them.

Why are you coming for a make-under?

I just think it'll be interesting, like, to have a make-under,

and see if I benefit from it.

What's your biggest fear about going to see POD?

Probably my hair.

Because I've always bleached my hair, and I do not suit dark hair.

-Sophie, I've got a quiz for you.

-OK.

To work out how in love you are, truly, with the Essex style, OK?

Yeah.

So to these things I'm going to tell you,

-you can either say it's reem or it's wrong.

-OK.

-Fake sunshine tan.

-Reem.

-Pale skin.

-Wrong.

-White stilettos.

-Reem.

-Vajazzle.

-Reem.

-Have you had a vajazzle?

-I have had a vajazzle!

-Have you really had a vajazzle?

-Yeah, I have, yes.

-What did you have on your vajazzly bits?

-I had a star.

-Aw!

-Yeah.

OK, from that, I can conclude...

I think you are a bit of an Essex glamorous lover.

I think we'll need to get you into POD, pronto.

-Ready?

-Yes. Let's go.

All right, Sophie, in you get.

Hiya, POD.

POD BLEEPS

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

-Who are you?

-I'm Sophie.

Why are you dressed like a children's dolly?

I'm a princess!

Sophie, you're not really a princess, are you?

Yeah, I'm a real-life princess.

I've got a little pink crown on.

Yes, I can see that. Well done.

-How much did your boobs cost?

-£3,000.

-Each?

-No, for two.

Why have you added so much fakery?

Because it makes me look fit.

People won't want to look at me for modelling and stuff

if I look like a plain Jane.

-What do you model?

-Lingerie.

What do you REALLY model?

-SHE GIGGLES

-Topless.

POD computes, if you keep adding plastic,

you might end up looking like this.

# Sisters, sisters... #

SHE SQUEALS AND GIGGLES

I hate to say it, but you look similar.

Oh, no!

-Except, you're more orange than the doll.

-I think it looks pretty.

I just wish my waist was as thin as this.

Perhaps the two of you could go on a night out.

Easy, Sophie!

Sophie, POD computes that you're having far too much fun.

Aw, where she gone?!

What would you do if POD proved your natural beauty?

No, I can't see it happening.

Why have you come to POD for a make-under?

I think it's going to be interesting

to see what I look like being "normal".

I think it's time to run public analysis.

I showed the public a picture of you as you are now,

and asked would they snog, marry or avoid you.

What do you think they said?

Snog, obviously!

I would avoid her, because she's trying way too hard,

-and it's not working.

-No!

I'd avoid her, because she looks like a doll, and just too made-up.

Oh, that's nice!

I would avoid her. She looks way too plastic.

Plastic is fantastic!

In fact, 100% said they wanted to avoid you

and get as far away from you as possible.

They're absolutely lying!

POD computes that you are

an orange, peroxide, sequinned, plastic cataclysmic clone.

And you need my...

-OK, then.

-Run the deep cleanse.

Please remove those shoes.

# I knew you were trouble when you walked in... #

Aw, I'm not a princess no more!

Sophie, you never WERE a princess!

Oh, I love my hair extensions!

That's a shame!

Yeah, I've got three people's heads of hair in here.

Get rid of them immediately!

I feel naked without my eyelashes.

Well done.

Hold up that wipe.

-Would you say that's a lot of make-up?

-Not really.

Oh, dear, Sophie!

Let's just run the make-under.

In three, two, one.

Oh, my God!

Put your hands down, Sophie.

I look so white!

POD computes you look utterly stunning.

No, I don't like it.

-What is it that you don't like?

-My hair is horrible.

How do you feel about the colour, though?

Yeah, I like the colour, but it's just really short.

Sophie, the last time I asked the public

if they'd snog, marry or avoid you, what did they say?

-Snog!

-The truth, please, Sophie.

-Avoid.

-And what do you think they say, having seen you now?

Definitely avoid.

I would snog her, because she is very naturally beautiful.

I'm not.

I would snog her, because she is a very good-looking girl.

Yeah, but I work better with loads of make-up and tan!

I would marry her, because she looks very respectable,

-and she's got a very cute face.

-No way!

In fact, 60% of the public want to snog you,

and the 40% want to marry you.

-That's a lie!

-I'm not lying!

Sophie, POD has this awful image of you going home

-and diving into a bath full of fake tan.

-Yeah, it sounds about right!

Oh, Sophie!

-What are you going to do on the catwalk?

-Hide!

Sophie's clearly unimpressed by her make-under.

Will she actually make it onto the PODWalk?

Everyone waits with bated breath.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Oh, my God!

How are you feeling?

I just hate the look.

Do you, really?

I look disgusting.

-You do NOT look disgusting!

-You don't.

Is there anything you like about it at all?

I just feel like a little boy.

You don't look like a little boy, my love.

What do you reckon, Donna?

I really like it. It's nice. Au naturale boy!

POD computes that, despite Sophie's disappointment,

her look has transformed her

from drastic and plastic to stylish and chic.

I didn't like it on the catwalk, because I didn't feel like myself.

I just don't think she likes it at all. Her reaction.

I don't think she likes it! I think she'll be going back to normal.

And I am going to go back and literally

smother myself in fake tan, put my biggest eyelashes on

and the heaviest make-up ever.

It's just going to make me ten times worse.

But it's been a good experience.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Essex girls love blinging, vajazzling

and glamming themselves up,

but it's not just humans who are getting glossy manes.

Why did you put pink on your dogs?

I'm from Essex, and he needs to have a little bit of bling on him.

# What have I, what have I What have I done to deserve this? #

What have you done to that poor dog?

She is the queen of canine couture.

-You look like a natural beauty.

-I am!

-Karen, what's that around your feet?

-My pooch. My babycakes!

Oh, Karen!

I paint their toenails, I furjazzle them...

Excuse me?!

Furjazzle. It's the dog version of vajazzle.

She loves to be pink.

She gets all the attention and all the fuss,

and as many cheesy bites as she...

-SHE MOCK GASPS

-..as she can fit in.

If you want to bling up the front as well as the back,

you've got some nice hair extensions.

It could be worse, she could be orange.

Like the rest of Essex.

I reckon she's going to stop traffic.

She might cause a few accidents!

You have to make the most of yourself.

Earlier on, POD transformed make-up mad Liberty

and plastic princess Sophie into stunning natural beauties.

But have they kept their looks?

No! Kind of, a little bit.

-A little tiny bit.

-What have you kept?

A little bit less eye make-up. Like, not as dark in the day.

The lairy stuff's back.

Yeah. Fur's back. Bigger height is back.

So why have you mostly gone back?

As much as I like what I was wearing,

I really wasn't wearing make-up, and I felt I did look about two.

It was a funny one, because your mum wasn't massively feeling it,

and I've never had that before.

Mum's always like, "Ooh, it's amazing! Thank you!"

-And she was like, "Mmm..."

-That was the biggest shock for me,

because I was like, "I'm doing this for my mum.

"She's going to love it. She'll probably cry."

But, like, it's my opinion that counts, really.

Like, if she'd have liked it, that would've been great.

That would've been a bonus. Like, happy mum, happy days.

But I would have still gone back to putting it on.

What about you, Sophie? What have you kept?

Erm, I've toned the hair down a bit.

And I haven't got as much tan on.

-The extensions are in again.

-Yeah.

Big time!

So how long after you did the catwalk show

did you go back to this look?

Probably about 20 or 30 minutes.

Are you kidding me?!

No, I'm being serious. I was just completely out of my comfort zone.

I just did not feel right. It was not me at all.

Did you learn anything from the experience of going to see POD?

Yeah, I learned that just, like, I suit being more fake.

It proved, really, what I already knew!

It was lovely to meet you both.

-Thank you very much for coming on the show.

-Thank you.

Hiya, POD. That is Essex done.

So it is, and I'm very pleased to say,

not only did I make-under two people, but a dog as well.

You made-under a dog?

Yes, in fact, I'm considering moving into the world of canine make-unders.

Well, I suppose everyone needs to earn a few more dollars

in these hard times.

That said, though, the streets of Essex

still seem to be covered in fake girls.

So let's go out there and give it another go.

If that's really how you want to spend your evening,

then totes go for it, babe.

I, however, am going out for dinner with some girlfriends,

because it's pink wine o'clock. So you can POD off!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd