Natasha and Laura Snog Marry Avoid?

# Go ahead and look at me

# Cos that's what I want

# Cos that's what I want...#

I'm Ellie Taylor.

And Snog Marry Avoid? is hunting out fakery wherever we land.

At the moment, quite frankly, you look like a drag queen.

SHE LAUGHS

If you love fake, but want to give the spray tan a break,

you've come to the right place.

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery

that's stolen their sons and daughters,

their brothers and their sisters.

ALL: Down with fakery!

Down with fakery!

The world's only makeunder computer, POD,

has modified her motherboard and is ready to kick some artificial ass.

Oh!

From Birmingham to Bromley, Cardiff to Liverpool,

she'll be flushing out fakery and unearthing natural beauties.

I have got taste, POD.

I think it looks all right. I get compliments.

And I've accepted POD's mission

to explore uncharted fathoms of fakery. I'm going native.

-Whoo-hoo!

-You can't go out dressed like that.

-Why?

-You might get arrested.

POD's nails are back and they're sharper than ever.

This is Snog Marry Avoid?

This week, POD's arrived in a port that's home of the Mersey

and rain and the Albert Dock.

But there's still not enough water to wash off all the fake tan.

Tonight, POD has crossed the Mersey

and has detected a tidal wave of fakery spreading across...Liverpool!

-Hiya, POD.

-Hello, Ellie.

LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT: All right, POD. Hell-aaaaa.

I take it we're in Liverpool again.

Yeah. Can you not tell from the accent?

To be honest, I can't do the accent.

I don't know if you've noticed, I just put la on the end of words.

Yes, I was getting that.

It was rather extreme, though,

which brings me onto the problem with Liverpool.

Everything is just too extreme.

That's why I love it here.

The girls look immaculate.

The amount of effort they go into just being perfect.

Love it!

I want you to get out there and just tone things down.

Including your accent.

Sorry. OK, I absolutely will.

I'll have a word with myself. See ya-la.

Coming up on tonight's show -

I meet a tanorexic with a phobia for all things white.

I think everyone looks so much better with a glow to their skin,

instead of walking around like milk bottles.

I'm out on the pull vintage style.

-Would you maybe come and buy me a gin and tonic?

-I certainly would.

And at last, the au natural penny has dropped. Well, almost.

I think the only thing that's natural about me is my complexion.

Finally, I get a makeover with a shovel and trowel.

What is that?!

It might once have held the title of City of Culture,

-but when it comes to fakery...

-Hello, POD.

..the lads and lasses of Liverpool are strong contenders in that, too.

In Liverpool, the fashion's all about the Scouse brow,

the big hair, onesies.

# Bring the action...#

-Most girls in Liverpool wear...

-Fake eyelashes.

-Lots of fake tan.

-Big bouncy curls.

-Scouse brows.

-Big backcombing.

Bigger the better.

Liverpool invented big hair.

You're not a real woman if you don't have hair extensions.

-Sleep in your rollers overnight.

-It takes a day to get ready to go out.

Sometimes longer than a day.

Depends on where you're going.

Fake tan on a Thursday, fake tan on a Friday night.

We go to different cities a lot of the time,

but no-one is like a Liverpool girl.

# Bring the action. #

Even if we're going to a shop to get a pint of milk,

we always look nice and look after ourselves.

That's why we're the best city.

BOTH: We love our makeup!

There are three colour palettes in Laura's life.

There's pink, there's pink and there's pink!

And there's orange.

Hi, I'm Laura. I'm 18 years old,

I'm a pink princess and I'm from Manchester.

# She thinks she's made of candy

I love pink. It's gorgeous. It looks dead girly.

My whole room is pink.

If I was Prime Minister, I would make everything pink.

I'd make that tree pink.

I'd make that bench pink.

I'd make this swing pink.

I'd make everything pink.

You should cut back a bit on some of your pink.

I think it is a little childish, Laura's look.

Because she images herself on like a Barbie look.

My fakery is my backcomb,

my eyelashes, me fake tan, me nails.

Everything.

# Now tell me, hey ho, here she goes...#

My mum's bought me a spray tan tent for doing mobile spray tans.

# She thinks she's made of candy...#

I think everyone looks so much better with a glow to their skin

instead of walking around like milk bottles.

I worry about Laura's look because the way she dresses,

she's going to attract the kind of blokes

that want like a trophy on their arm

rather than somebody who cares about who she is inside.

I started wearing makeup because I started getting picked on in school.

I just started adding to my look, adding more fakery

and everything, I felt better about myself.

Then I started actually getting compliments.

I feel like I look better like this.

My fake tan, my makeup and everything is like a mask, really.

It hides who I am, so it makes me feel better about myself.

She doesn't need that makeup

And it's heartbreaking to see your daughter think

that she's got to wear all that to go out.

I think POD will be able to sort Laura out.

POD will take away the tan, the hair extensions and just the fakery.

Hi, POD. You might think I'm orange, but I'm not, I'm brown.

Good luck trying to change me,

but you won't take the Pink Princess away from her crown.

I'm here waiting for Laura.

She's still getting ready, so I'm going to have a drink.

Wait a bit, kill some time. Might as well.

# Da ba da dan dee dee dee da ne na na na

# Be my baby

# Da ba da dan dee dee dee da ne na na na

# Pretty baby. #

Oh, my goodness! I've been waiting for ever. What have you been doing?

I was just sorting me tan out in the bathroom.

You are unbelievable, woman!

Your face is an incredible colour.

It's like crazy brown.

-I like it, though. It looks reet.

-It looks reet!

It looks something, I tell you.

So, Laura, how long does it take you to get ready?

-About six hours.

-No way!

-Yeah.

-Seriously? You could nearly fly to New York in that time.

-Probably.

Do you think blokes like this kind of look?

Well, they seem to go for it, don't they?

Right. I've got a little quiz for you

to try and work out how princessy you really are.

Would you prefer a night on the town or a knight in shining armour?

A knight in shining armour.

-Does he have to wax his chest?

-Yeah.

You are high maintenance. Definitely!

Would you prefer a glass of lager or a glass slipper?

-A glass of what?

-Lager.

I don't like lager, no.

Seven dwarfs or seven days in Ibiza having it large?

-Ibiza.

-Have you been to Ibiza?

-No. I want to.

-You would fit in beautifully.

It's cheap there, as well, for drinks, innit?

Cheap for drinks, cheap fake tan, sorted.

So from my quiz, I think you are a little princess

and you're blummin' high maintenance.

-Are you ready to come with me?

-Yeah.

-Let's go.

-Are you psyched?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Let me in, POD.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

I'm Laura.

Hello, Laura. Why do you look like a child's dolly?

-I don't think I look like a child's toy, POD.

-Really?

It looks like you should come in your own box with accessories.

Oh, you're cheeky, you, POD.

And why are you wearing fluro pink?

You look like a highlighter pen.

What are you trying to highlight - the fact you've got no taste?

I have got taste, POD.

I think it looks all right. I get compliments.

If you're not sporting the dolly look,

then perhaps you look too much like a princess.

In fact, you look like a blancmange Rapunzel.

Blancmange? I don't even know what that is.

It's a disgusting pink dessert.

Tell you what, shall we test to see if you really are a princess?

OK, then, POD.

A frog, POD?

Give it a kiss, then, and see if it turns into a prince.

POD computes you'll never get a prince looking like that.

Oh, well.

Laura, what would be some of the benefits

of seeing and liking yourself as a natural beauty?

To be able to go out and enjoy myself more.

I guess you wouldn't guess I like getting dirty,

looking like this, but I actually do.

Really? You like getting dirty? Doing what?

I like quad bikes and stuff, POD.

I went on holiday and I enjoyed it,

but I was too worried about me tan

and getting mud splashed all over me going through puddles.

No look is worth you not living your life.

-I know, POD.

-Especially one this ridiculous.

It's time run Phase One - Public Analysis.

OK, then, POD.

I asked the public, would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl.

What do you think they said?

I'll say avoid because that's what everyone says, innit?

Well, 80% of the public do want to avoid you.

80%? I didn't think it'd be that bad.

I would avoid this girl because she looks too high maintenance.

Well, I guess that's true, then, POD.

I would avoid her because her hair is a bit too much for me

and the pink doesn't work for her.

Oh, my God!

I'd avoid her because the hair extensions make her look too false

and not natural at all.

That's the whole point, innit, anyway, POD?

-What - to look fake?

-Yes, POD.

POD computes that you are a tanorexic pinkaholic

who needs to go to fakery rehab,

where you'll get my preposterous-pink plonker

to perfectly-put-together-princess makeunder.

A pink plonker, POD?

It is now time to run the Deep Cleanse.

Time to remove all those jingly-dangly bits.

And those Pat Butcher earrings.

Hand over those straggly extensions, too.

Ooo, it's stuck.

There now, already you look better.

-No, POD.

-Remove your eyelashes.

POD can see your natural skin underneath.

It's so much nicer a colour.

No, POD, this isn't good.

Now I want you to hold up your hands by the side of your face.

Oh, Laura!

Run the makeunder in 3...2...1.

Oh, my God!

Wow! I don't know what...I don't even know what to think.

I like the eye shadow.

I'm not sure if I'm keen on the dress, though.

Do you not think this dress is a bit funky?

It's OK for someone else, but it's just not me.

Exactly, Laura. We're trying a new you.

Wow!

RIBBIT!

-Look, Laura, it's the frog again.

-Yeah, so I see.

Ooo! A handsome prince.

I know, I can see.

Well, the least you can do is give him a kiss.

OK, then, POD.

Laura, previously, I showed the public

a picture of you in your old look. What did they say?

80%, POD.

-Yes, 80% avoid, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

What do you think they said this time?

-Probably avoid.

-Let's find out.

I would snog her. She's pretty fit.

Really? Oh, my God.

I'd definitely marry her because she looks like a classy girl.

She's got nice hair and she's not over the top.

Yeah, I'd snog her. She's very pretty, very attractive.

No, POD.

Do you not think you are very pretty and attractive?

No. Not without me tan, anyway.

This time, 60% want to snog you.

And the other 40% want to marry you.

That means 100% of the people we asked

now want to snog or marry you.

No-one wants to avoid you, Laura.

No, POD, I don't believe that one bit.

POD computes you look absolutely stunning.

OK, then, POD, if you say so.

Are you ready to strut your stuff on the catwalk?

-Yes, POD.

-Initiate Podwalk.

The Podwalk's been beamed down into one of Liverpool's hottest bars.

Will Laura's long-suffering family and friends like her classy look?

I think they'll like my look, but not me outfit.

I think they'll like me hair out of everything,

but I don't like it meself.

CHEERING

# Such a good feeling, this feeling

# This feeling, this feeling

# I can't stop myself feeling

# Feeling, feeling

# Such a good feeling, this feeling

# This feeling, this feeling...#

-What do you think?

-She looks absolutely stunning.

It looks really nice. It looks really, really nice.

-I look a mess.

-You don't!

-Do you not like it?

-No.

ALL GROAN

It's turned into a pantomime! They don't believe you!

Do you not believe it when a whole room of people

are telling you you look amazing?

And your mum and dad, the people who love you the most?

You do. You look absolutely stunning.

Gordon, are you glad to see the fake tan go?

I am. I'm just upset she doesn't realise.

It's a shame she doesn't realise that she looks better like that.

Honestly. For what it's worth, apparently nothing,

I think all of us here think you look blummin' knockout, sister.

-Whoo! Whit-whoo!

-Yeah!

-Yeah! Yeah!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Laura's been transformed from potty princess to perfectly pretty.

Oh, she looked stunning when she walked through on the catwalk.

Absolutely amazing. The hair suits her like that.

They all said they liked my look, but I don't believe them.

It's my opinion that matters, not everyone else's, so...

I think I'll stick to my look

because it makes me happier how I was than like this.

Once the City of Culture,

Liverpool's streets have become contaminated

with a deluge of fogy fashion outlets

appealing to those in search of the vintage vixen look.

Every other shop is a vintage shop.

There's more vintage shops than fashion shops.

I love vintage. I absolutely love vintage.

The top I've got on today, for example, was 99p in a charity shop.

BOTH: We like vintage.

Don't your clothes smell of mothballs and old people?

Sometimes they smell like churches,

but I wash them and put lots of perfume on them.

SIREN WAILS

Hiya, POD.

My detectors have spotted a worrying growth

in young people dressing up in the clothes of old biddies,

or even the dead.

You don't mean old biddies, you mean vintaaage.

Whatever it is, POD computes it's ugly

-and wants you to investigate matters further.

-Yeah.

To help you fit in, I've bought you these.

Oh! Thank you.

How long have these been knocking around?

Not as long as the clobber you'll be wearing, I'm sure.

Spiffing! I'll go and get my vintage on.

It's the attention to detail that's very important

when you're doing housework!

Do I look like the kind of person you'd like to have tea with?

Yes.

-Would you maybe come and buy me a gin and tonic?

-I certainly would.

-Smells like an old woman.

-Housewife.

It just looks a bit frumpy.

Lavender? Lavender cupcake? Anyone? Earl Grey?

-I do like that smell.

-Do you?!

-Yeah.

-You're basically saying I look like I'm good at dusting.

-Yeah.

You remind me of Betty Boop, which is my little heroine.

Harry? Harry, wait for me!

-You're looking very elegant tonight.

-Thanks very much.

-I like this.

-Oh, yeah, I like it!

-I like the top of your hair.

I just like doing that.

-I took you out in 1953.

-Did we have a good time?

Yes, we had a fabulous time.

It looks innocent.

Do I look innocent, like a lady in the street, but a freak in bed?

Yeah. You do, yeah.

-Anything you don't like about the outfit?

-Too red.

-That's fine, we can sort that out.

-That's better, yeah. Absolutely.

OK.

UPPER CLASS ACCENT: Oh, hello, POD? Marvellous!

Oh, hello, POD. How are you?

Ellie, this outfit is not vintage, it's charity shop.

And what clothes do you find in a charity shop?

Dead people's clothes.

Well, I think I look very nice.

The only thing you'll pull in that outfit is an octogenarian.

I have, a few, actually, today.

But you'd be surprised, a lot of the young blokes like it, as well.

I'd prefer you looking like a stunning natural beauty

of the 21st century,

not like some deranged old biddy from the last one.

-Do I look like an old bat?

-Battleaxe.

Now, get back to looking fabulous.

Roger that. Tally ho!

Natasha loves dressing up in a bit of a Katy Perry look.

Unfortunately, her style is creating...

# Fireworks. # ..for her family. Sorry.

Hiya. I'm Natasha. I'm 20 years old and I'm a pinup girl from Cannock.

# I know a place...#

Some people often call me the Blue Bombshell of Cannock.

I was about 14 when I first started experimenting with my hair colour.

# California girls we're unforgettable...#

It makes me stand out from the crowd because it's blue.

I may be a little bit to blame about the makeup

because I've loved it myself since the age of 14.

My fakery is my hair, eyelashes,

my eyebrows,

my drawn-on lips, my tattoos.

I think the only thing that's natural about me is my complexion

because I don't wear fake tan.

It would be nice if I was born in the 1950s.

I think I'd fit in a little bit better than where I do now.

# I met him out for dinner on a Friday night...#

I wear three sets of eyelashes on a normal day to work.

I do add an extra couple of pairs on a night out

just to make me look a bit different.

I find them all over the house. They're like insects.

Usually in pairs. I'm not sure if they're breeding.

THEY LAUGH

I worry about Natasha, how it's affecting her health.

Because her hair's falling out terribly

with the bleach and the colours.

And also, with the piercings, it's worn away her gums.

I've missed out on job opportunities just because of the way I look.

# California...#

Please, POD, give me back my daughter.

I want my daughter to know she's beautiful on the inside and out

and she can look beautiful naturally.

POD, you're never going to pin down this pinup girl.

I'm here to meet Natasha. I'm very excited and I think...

Oh, my God! Panic attack! Hang on!

I think there's one of her false eyelashes on the floor!

She's probably out of her mind and crying and shaking and...

Oh! My mistake. It's just a big spider.

Dude, what is with the lashes?

I love my lashes too much.

POD's going to whip those off as soon as you like. Wow!

-And certain things are really out and about.

-Yeah.

-Are they always out and about?

-Not when I'm at work, no.

-OK. They're on day release today?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

So, have you got any idols, then?

I'd probably say I like Katy Perry's style.

-Any nipple tassels?

-No.

I have a quiz to discover if you are more Katy Perry or more Natasha.

-Are you ready?

-Yep.

OK. Have you ever kissed a girl and liked it?

-I kiss my friend all the time.

-That's a yes.

Do you like being hot and cold?

Hot. Yeah?

Favourite night of the year.

ELLIE HUMS A TUNE

Oh, bonfire night. Fireworks.

Yes! You're getting it now, you're getting it.

There's a question about talking about your teenage dreams.

But frankly, I don't really want to know.

-Are you ready for POD?

-I'm ready.

Right, let's do this.

# Oh, when we are rocking through the roof...#

Welcome to POD, my friend.

Hi, POD.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

-Who are you?

-Hi, POD. I'm Natasha.

And what's inspired this look?

-I like Katy Perry.

-You're not kidding.

POD computes you need to give her hair back.

No, I'm keeping it.

Then I think perhaps there's something missing from your outfit.

What's that, POD?

This!

Even though I don't necessarily agree with the granny blue rinse,

here's some accessories to go with it.

I love it, POD, thank you.

And your shopping trolley matches your hair.

I think it looks quite good on me, to be fair.

Generous, aren't I?

Yeah, very.

POD computes that natural beauty would make you look fabulous,

because quite frankly, at the moment you look more like a drag queen.

SHE LAUGHS

It's time to run Phase One.

Yeah, OK.

I asked the public whether they wanted to snog marry or avoid

-this girl. What do you think they said?

-Erm... Hopefully snog.

I'd avoid her because she's got too much make-up on

and I prefer things more natural.

That's why I'm here, POD.

I would avoid her. She's trying to get too much attention with her hair

-but she wont get any.

-OK.

SHE LAUGHS

I would avoid her because her hair is just too loud and blue.

-There's nothing wrong with blue. POD.

-There is.

Apparently.

In fact, 80% of the public want to avoid you.

Oh, God. That's quite bad isn't it?

But 20% did want to snog you.

Oh, well. 20%. Still there.

POD's verdict is that your excessive slap

and blue rinse have turned you into a geriatric cartoon pin-up.

And you need my blue movie to movie star makeunder.

Sounds quite good to me.

It is now time to run your deep cleanse.

Piercings first.

You already look more like a pin-up and less like a pincushion.

It's time to literally pull your hair out.

I'll get there eventually.

Now remove those whopping great eyelashes.

Oh, man.

Keep scrubbing!

I can literally see each of your features on that.

Run the make under in 3,2,1.

Oh, God!

That's different.

I don't think I've looked like this since I was about 12.

I'm a bit in shock. I like the colour.

It's nice. The clothes are nice.

-POD computes you look cool.

-Thanks, POD.

Previously I asked the public whether they want to snog,

marry or avoid you. What did they say?

80% said 'avoid'.

Would you like to hear some of the public's comments?

Yeah, go on then.

-They weren't very nice last time, were they, Natasha?

-No.

I'd definitely snog that girl.

-She's got really nice eyes and a lovely smile.

-Ah, that's nice.

I would snog because she's very natural and she's very fit.

I would marry her because she has a great figure, great smile

and it looks like you could have a great laugh with her in life.

Yeah, that's true, POD.

Now, 70% of the public want to snog you and the rest want to marry you.

I'm quite surprised by that.

Now no-one wants to avoid you.

Are you sure about that?

Maybe it's because now you look like a real person

-and not a cartoon character.

-Maybe, yeah, POD.

Are you ready to strut your stuff on the catwalk

and show yourself off as a natural beauty?

-I am ready, yeah.

-Initiate Podwalk.

'What will Natasha's family

'and friends make of her old lady to rock chick look?'

I think they will like it. Be quite shocked, though.

# Standing in the way of control

# Go and live your life

# Survive the only way that you know, know. #

CROWD CHEERS

# I'm not doing this for you. #

What about me? Here. You look amazing!

-How are you feeling?

-I think I need some eyelashes.

SHE LAUGHS

Have you learnt nothing from this experience, Natasha?

I've got photos like that, when she was ten.

-That's good.

-OK, I think there's a compliment in there somewhere.

And her mum will love it.

I can't wait to see what you'll look like in a few weeks.

-Don't let me down.

-I won't.

POD computes that Natasha's been transformed from a bonkers blue rinse to a beautiful babe.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed now that I've seen my family.

I'm glad that they liked what they saw and it was a good reaction.

I think it would be good for Tasha because she's very confident

but I think it will give her more confidence now that she doesn't

have to put that much into her image and she can just be natural.

MALE VOICE: Warning, warning, nuclear attack!

'Attack, attack! It's lipsticks at dawn.

'Liverpool lads and lasses pride themselves on their war paint.'

Hi, POD!

All girls in Liverpool where a lot of makeup, it's just how it goes.

Scouse girls leave a lot of fake tan on the sheets.

Or so I've heard, any way.

How much makeup do Liverpudlian ladies wear?

They're loads at the minute, and big, fake lashes.

They put, like, two or three lots of eyelashes on.

And then the big, red lips or the big, pink lips.

-So quite a lot, is the answer.

-Yeah, quite a lot.

Do you reckon you can show me?

# Lipstick

# On her face. #

I would do contouring. Scouse brows.

You dye your brow and then you fill it in with pencil.

It looks scary on most people. Really scary.

You're laughing over there.

SHE LAUGHS

I love Liverpool and I love slap!

Hello, POD.

-Ellie?

-What is that?!

Is the circus in town?

Looks like I've been punched! Like a really... A camp punch.

Pwohh, glitter.

Ellie, I sent you out to investigate Liverpool's obsession for slap,

and you've come back looking like Frank-n-Furter

from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

It is a bit, isn't it? I'll do the Time Warp again or something.

Quite frankly, I think you should go out there

and wipe face on first person you see.

OK. If I'm arrested it's your fault. Bye. Urgh!

Earlier we met Laura,

pretty in pink but who'd taken orange to a whole new level.

And Natasha whose pinup look was potty.

POD peeled back their layers of slap to reveal their natural beauty.

But have either of them kept their looks?

# Ba-da! #

No. Kind of.

Laura, I think this is one of the biggest failures we've ever had.

Really?

What happened?

I didn't like it and I was worried that everyone was just

looking at me the way I looked cos I looked angry

so I just had to wear my bad on my head.

I find you do frustrating, because I thought your makeunder was

brilliant, but you just totally didn't see that.

No, I didn't like it.

I feel a lot better being how I am cos it makes me feel more confident.

I'd go out of the house like this, but my old look,

I'd probably would never go out of the house like that, ever.

-Those eyebrows are back, big time.

-They're smaller than before.

-Are they?

-It's the first time I've had hair that matches my eyebrows.

-But you have only got one pair of eyelashes.

-I have.

I look back now, I think, "Why did I wear so many?"

So how do you feel now compared to before you had your makeunder?

I do miss my look before in a way, but I do feel confident in myself

more now, just for the fact that I feel like I can

walk down the street and nobody's staring at me like they did before.

I'm definitely going to keep the hair colour.

Shall we have a celebratory slurp from our heart-shaped straws?

It's pink, Laura, you'll love it. Go for it.

# Sucking too hard don your lollipop

# Oh, love's going to get you down. #

Hello, POD!

-Hello Ellie. How's your day been?

-I'm exhausted.

And I'm filthy, I've got Scouse slap all over my lens.

SHE BREATHES ON LENS

-OK.

-That's better.

Now go and find me some more fakers to makeunder.

I'm afraid you can't. It's that time of the day

when all the Scouse girls are getting ready.

Curling tongues are going off all over the city.

You'll just create a power outage!

You, my friend, are going to have to POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd