17/01/1978 The Good Old Days


Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS


17/01/1978

Leonard Sachs chairs the old-time music hall programme. With John Inman, Lyn Kennington, Ray C Davis, Tudor Davies, Keith Harris, Norma Lunbar, Salvano, Jenny Kenna.


Similar Content

Browse content similar to 17/01/1978. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

MUSIC: The Honeysuckle And The Bee

0:00:020:00:04

# You are my honey, honeysuckle

0:00:060:00:10

# I am the bee

0:00:100:00:14

# I'd like to sip the honey sweet

0:00:140:00:18

# From those red lips you see

0:00:180:00:21

# I love you dearly, dearly

0:00:210:00:25

# And I want you to love me

0:00:250:00:29

# You are my honey, honeysuckle

0:00:290:00:33

# I am the bee. #

0:00:330:00:38

FANFARE PLAYS

0:00:420:00:47

CHEERING

0:00:470:00:49

Once again,

0:00:570:00:59

good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

0:00:590:01:04

-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

0:01:040:01:06

Kinetiscopically...

0:01:070:01:10

Ooh...

0:01:100:01:11

..cosmopolitan...

0:01:110:01:13

LAUGHTER

0:01:130:01:14

Our kaleidoscopic carnivalia...

0:01:140:01:17

CHEERING

0:01:170:01:18

That means "hurly-burly".

0:01:200:01:23

LAUGHTER

0:01:230:01:25

Formidable, farouche, frenetique -

0:01:250:01:30

the Players' Theatre!

0:01:300:01:33

MUSIC: Offenbach's Can Can

0:01:400:01:44

# I'd like to go again

0:02:220:02:24

# To Paris on the Seine

0:02:240:02:25

# For Paris is a proper pantomime

0:02:250:02:28

# And if they'd only take the 'Ackney Road and plant it over there

0:02:280:02:32

# I'd like to be in Paris all the time

0:02:320:02:34

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

0:02:360:02:39

# Paris is a pantomime

0:02:390:02:42

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

0:02:420:02:44

# I'd like to be in Paris all the time

0:02:460:02:49

# The continon, the continon

0:02:490:02:51

# That very, very place, Marie

0:02:510:02:53

# And I'm so glad that dear old Dad

0:02:530:02:54

# He took me there to see

0:02:540:02:56

# The madames all sweet with pretty little feet

0:02:560:02:58

# They smile as you trip along

0:02:580:03:00

# I didn't know what he was doing for me

0:03:000:03:02

# When he took me to the continon

0:03:020:03:03

INSTRUMENTAL

0:03:030:03:06

# I didn't know what he was doing for me

0:03:140:03:15

# When he took me to the continon

0:03:150:03:17

# Parisienne

0:03:220:03:26

# It's a lover's dance And I'll find romance

0:03:260:03:29

# Parisienne

0:03:290:03:33

# Oh, I love it so I don't want to go

0:03:330:03:34

# We won't stop to take a rest

0:03:360:03:39

# I know you can stand the test

0:03:390:03:40

# Watch the couples slide

0:03:420:03:44

# See them as they glide

0:03:440:03:45

# While they're swaying they are saying

0:03:450:03:48

# Parisienne

0:03:490:03:52

# Watch the couples slide See them as they glide

0:03:520:03:55

# Parisienne

0:03:550:03:59

# Hear that sweet refrain There it goes again

0:03:590:04:02

# You can have your turkey trot and grizzly bear

0:04:020:04:05

# If you love Parisienne I won't care

0:04:050:04:08

# Most everybody's dancing it

0:04:080:04:12

# Everybody's dancing it. #

0:04:150:04:18

MUSIC: Offenbach's Can Can

0:04:220:04:24

APPLAUSE

0:04:500:04:51

Now will you go home and practise?

0:05:050:05:07

LAUGHTER

0:05:070:05:08

Impudent ambiguities,

0:05:080:05:11

disarming dubieties,

0:05:110:05:14

incorrigible innuendo incarnate!

0:05:140:05:20

Who, but the one and only

0:05:200:05:22

Mr John Inman?

0:05:220:05:24

CHEERING

0:05:240:05:26

MUSIC: With My Little Wigger-wagger

0:05:280:05:30

# There's one thing about me There's no doubt

0:05:380:05:41

# I look a masher when I'm walking out

0:05:420:05:45

# People stare and I don't know why

0:05:450:05:47

# Perhaps it is because I wear a collar and a tie

0:05:490:05:51

# No joke, my poke Though a trifle red

0:05:520:05:56

# Doesn't make them look at me a lot

0:05:560:05:58

# But there's one thing people seem to think quite funny

0:05:590:06:02

# And I'll tell you what it is Just what

0:06:020:06:05

# It's me...

0:06:070:06:09

# Little wigger-wagger in me hand

0:06:090:06:11

# That makes me such a dandy

0:06:130:06:16

# It's not my strut Nor my face, tut tut

0:06:160:06:19

# Nor me brand-new cady Like a pimple on my nut

0:06:200:06:23

# Maidies and the ladies

0:06:240:06:27

# I meet when I am walking in the Strand

0:06:270:06:29

# They all look at me And I shout "I'm free"

0:06:310:06:33

# Cos I've me little wigger-wagger in me hand

0:06:340:06:39

# Dee da...

0:06:390:06:40

# While down on the beach in Margate way

0:06:450:06:47

# I took a swim in Pegwell Bay

0:06:490:06:53

# Left my clothes on the sandy beach

0:06:530:06:56

# I put them where I reckoned that the water wouldn't reach

0:06:560:07:00

# Long stroke, side stroke I began to swim

0:07:000:07:03

# Bobbing in the water like a boat

0:07:030:07:07

# And on my cane I tied a pair of bladders

0:07:070:07:09

# Just keep me up and make me float

0:07:100:07:12

# With me... #

0:07:150:07:17

Wait for it, wait for it!

0:07:180:07:19

# With me...

0:07:210:07:24

# Little wigger-wagger in my hand

0:07:240:07:25

# I left the salt seawater

0:07:270:07:31

# I felt a jay cos to my dismay

0:07:310:07:35

# The tide had carried all my toggery away!

0:07:350:07:37

# I there felt a pie there

0:07:380:07:42

# For all the girls were standing on the sand

0:07:420:07:45

# As I left the sea They all shouted, "Are you free?"

0:07:450:07:48

# Cos I'd me little wigger-wagger in me hand!

0:07:480:07:52

# With my little wigger-wagger in my hand

0:07:520:07:56

# By George, I'm such a dandy

0:07:560:07:59

# It's not my strut Nor my face, tut tut

0:07:590:08:03

# Nor me brand-new cady Like a pimple on my nut

0:08:030:08:05

# Ladies and the maidies

0:08:070:08:10

# I meet when I am walking in the Strand

0:08:100:08:12

# They all look at me And I shout, "I'm free"

0:08:130:08:16

# Cos I've me little wigger-wagger in me hand. #

0:08:170:08:20

I promise you, you will have Mr John Inman later on in the programme.

0:08:340:08:38

But now,

0:08:380:08:40

continentally contributory,

0:08:400:08:41

implementing implausibility with...

0:08:420:08:45

Ooh...!

0:08:450:08:46

..implausibility with immaculacy,

0:08:460:08:49

a transcendent tour de force,

0:08:490:08:52

of prestidigitational...

0:08:520:08:54

Ooh!

0:08:540:08:56

..legerdemain.

0:08:560:08:59

Tricks!

0:08:590:09:00

LAUGHTER

0:09:000:09:01

From Poland,

0:09:010:09:02

Salvano!

0:09:020:09:04

FANFARE AND APPLAUSE

0:09:040:09:07

BAND PLAYS INSTRUMENTAL

0:09:130:09:17

APPLAUSE

0:10:150:10:17

APPLAUSE

0:10:320:10:35

APPLAUSE

0:10:510:10:54

MUSIC BECOMES MORE UPBEAT

0:11:130:11:15

APPLAUSE

0:11:370:11:38

Voila.

0:11:440:11:46

Another way.

0:11:460:11:47

Another way, now.

0:11:470:11:48

A special way.

0:11:490:11:50

DRUMROLL

0:12:400:12:44

Cheers. Zum wohl.

0:12:490:12:51

A votre sante. Salute.

0:12:510:12:52

Na zdrowie.

0:12:520:12:54

This, here.

0:12:540:12:55

Horrible.

0:12:570:12:58

Want to try it? No?

0:13:030:13:04

Sedulous celebrant of seasonal festivities...

0:14:470:14:53

Ooh!

0:14:530:14:54

Palpably pneumatic

0:14:550:14:58

in amplitudinous principal-boy plumaciousness.

0:14:580:15:04

Hooray!

0:15:040:15:06

Miss Norma Dunbar!

0:15:060:15:09

APPLAUSE

0:15:090:15:11

MUSIC: Daisy Bell by Harry Dacre

0:15:110:15:13

-OPERATIC TONE:

-# There is a flower within my heart

0:15:240:15:29

# Daisy, Daisy

0:15:290:15:34

# Planted one day by a glancing dart

0:15:340:15:38

# Planted by Daisy Bell

0:15:380:15:42

# Whether she loves me Or loves me not

0:15:430:15:48

# Sometimes it's hard to tell

0:15:480:15:53

# Yet I am longing to share the lot

0:15:530:15:58

# Of beautiful Daisy Bell

0:15:580:16:05

-BELTING IN COCKNEY ACCENT:

-# Daisy, Daisy

0:16:060:16:11

# Give me your answer, do

0:16:110:16:13

AUDIENCE JOINS IN

0:16:130:16:15

# I'm half crazy

0:16:160:16:21

# All for the love of you

0:16:210:16:25

# It won't be a stylish marriage

0:16:250:16:30

# I can't afford a carriage

0:16:300:16:35

# But you'll look sweet upon the seat

0:16:350:16:40

# Of a bicycle built for two

0:16:400:16:44

-OPERATIC TONE:

-# I will stand by you

0:16:490:16:53

# In wheel or woe

0:16:530:16:54

# Daisy, Daisy

0:16:540:16:59

# You'll be the bell which I'll ring you know

0:16:590:17:04

# My beautiful Daisy Bell

0:17:040:17:08

# You'll take the lead in each trip we take

0:17:080:17:14

# Then if I don't do well

0:17:140:17:18

# I will permit you to use the brake

0:17:180:17:23

# My beautiful Daisy

0:17:230:17:27

# Bell...

0:17:270:17:35

-BELTING IN COCKNEY ACCENT AGAIN:

-# Daisy, Daisy

0:17:380:17:43

# Give me your answer, do... #

0:17:430:17:45

AUDIENCE JOINS IN

0:17:450:17:46

Mr Chairman!

0:17:460:17:48

# I'm half crazy... #

0:17:480:17:52

Hello, darlin'!

0:17:520:17:53

AUDIENCE CONTINUES TO SING

0:17:530:17:54

Here, Mr Chairman, look at this lovely daisy I found! Ooh!

0:17:540:17:58

# It won't be a stylish marriage

0:17:580:18:02

# I can't afford... #

0:18:020:18:04

Coo-ee!

0:18:040:18:05

# ..a carriage

0:18:050:18:07

# But you'll look sweet upon the seat

0:18:070:18:12

# Of a bicycle built for two... #

0:18:120:18:15

Altogether now!

0:18:150:18:17

# Daisy, Daisy

0:18:170:18:22

# Give me your answer, do... #

0:18:220:18:25

Well, let's hear you!

0:18:250:18:27

# I'm half crazy... #

0:18:270:18:30

Lovely!

0:18:300:18:32

# All for the love of you

0:18:320:18:36

# It won't be a stylish marriage

0:18:360:18:41

# I can't afford a carriage

0:18:410:18:46

# But you'll look sweet upon the seat

0:18:460:18:50

# Of a bicycle built for two. #

0:18:500:18:58

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:18:580:19:01

You see...

0:19:130:19:15

LAUGHTER

0:19:150:19:17

Principal boys aren't born.

0:19:170:19:20

LAUGHTER

0:19:200:19:21

They're built!

0:19:210:19:22

LAUGHTER

0:19:220:19:23

Verisimilitudinous...

0:19:260:19:28

Ooh...

0:19:280:19:30

It just means life-like.

0:19:300:19:31

LAUGHTER

0:19:310:19:33

Like you.

0:19:330:19:34

..ventriloquacity.

0:19:360:19:38

Engagingly endearing ornithological anthropomorphism.

0:19:380:19:45

LAUGHTER

0:19:450:19:47

A talking bird.

0:19:480:19:50

LAUGHTER

0:19:500:19:51

Mr Keith Harris!

0:19:510:19:54

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:540:19:56

Thank you very, very much indeed. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

0:20:060:20:09

I found...

0:20:090:20:11

Yes.

0:20:110:20:13

Believe it or not, I found this little bird, here,

0:20:130:20:16

outside the stage door and he said can he come in because, you see,

0:20:160:20:19

he wants to be in showbusiness.

0:20:190:20:20

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

-Yes.

0:20:200:20:22

I think he's rather shy,

0:20:220:20:24

but I'll get him to turn round and have a look at you. Just a minute.

0:20:240:20:26

Will you turn round and have a look?

0:20:260:20:28

I can't.

0:20:280:20:29

LAUGHTER

0:20:290:20:30

You can't?

0:20:320:20:33

I can't.

0:20:330:20:35

Why not?

0:20:350:20:36

They...they're laughing at me.

0:20:360:20:39

No, they're not laughing at you.

0:20:390:20:41

I heard them.

0:20:410:20:42

Look, it's all right. Come on, turn around and have a look.

0:20:420:20:45

He's a little bit shy. Turn around.

0:20:450:20:46

-I'll have a look, then.

-Have a look.

0:20:460:20:48

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

0:20:480:20:49

They're laughing now!

0:20:510:20:53

Oh, come on, come on.

0:20:530:20:55

He's very shy, very shy.

0:20:550:20:56

Look, it's all right. Come on. You see?

0:20:560:20:58

Now, what's your name?

0:20:580:20:59

-Pardon?

-What's your name?

0:20:590:21:01

-Orville.

-Orville?

-Yes.

0:21:010:21:03

I see. And what are you going to do, Orville, for all the ladies and

0:21:030:21:06

gentlemen, now you're here? What would you like to do?

0:21:060:21:08

I-I'm going to do some impressions.

0:21:080:21:10

Impressions?

0:21:100:21:12

-Yes.

-Yes, I see.

0:21:120:21:14

Erm, who...

0:21:140:21:15

-They're laughing with us.

-Yes, we know.

0:21:160:21:18

Who are you going to do your impressions of?

0:21:200:21:23

Percy Edwards.

0:21:230:21:25

LAUGHTER

0:21:250:21:26

Yes...Percy Edwards.

0:21:260:21:29

All right...

0:21:290:21:30

You mean you're going to do some bird impressions, are you?

0:21:350:21:37

-I'd like to.

-You would?

0:21:370:21:39

-Yeah.

-Yes, all right. Well, you can.

0:21:390:21:41

-Thank you.

-Yes.

0:21:410:21:44

Ladies and gentlemen, Orville will now do his bird impressions.

0:21:440:21:47

-Go on, then.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

0:21:470:21:49

-First one.

-First one.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:21:490:21:51

LOUD GULP

0:21:520:21:53

LAUGHTER

0:21:530:21:55

-Is that it?

-Yes.

0:21:550:21:56

What was that?

0:21:570:21:58

A swallow.

0:21:580:21:59

A swallow?

0:22:020:22:03

Yes, that was a very good impression.

0:22:080:22:09

-Did, did you like it?

-I liked it, yes.

0:22:090:22:12

W-where's my prize?

0:22:120:22:14

LAUGHTER

0:22:140:22:16

Where's what?

0:22:160:22:17

Where's my prize?

0:22:170:22:18

-Your prize?

-Yes.

0:22:180:22:20

Well, you don't get a prize for doing that.

0:22:200:22:23

I...I-I thought you did.

0:22:230:22:25

LAUGHTER

0:22:250:22:27

Oh, no, sorry. No prizes.

0:22:270:22:30

-Oh...

-No, no.

0:22:300:22:31

Aww...

0:22:310:22:32

You see, you see...

0:22:320:22:34

-What?

-You see,

0:22:340:22:35

if you want to do something better...

0:22:350:22:38

Why don't you do some flying? That would be marvellous.

0:22:380:22:40

You could fly around the theatre, here.

0:22:400:22:42

You could fly all around here, you see? You could do some aerobatics,

0:22:420:22:45

and that would be fantastic...

0:22:450:22:47

-No?

-I can't.

0:22:470:22:48

You can't?

0:22:490:22:51

-I can't.

-You can't...you can't what?

0:22:510:22:53

Fly.

0:22:530:22:55

Aww...

0:22:550:22:57

I can't!

0:22:570:22:58

I can't!

0:23:020:23:03

-You can't?

-No.

0:23:070:23:09

But how did you get here from London?

0:23:090:23:11

-I walked.

-Did you?

0:23:110:23:13

Walked!

0:23:130:23:15

Where's my prize?

0:23:150:23:16

-You don't get a prize.

-No.

0:23:160:23:18

But I'll tell you what I can do. I can't give you a prize, but listen -

0:23:180:23:21

I can teach you how to fly. Would you like to?

0:23:210:23:23

-I'd like that.

-OK.

0:23:230:23:24

-Thank you very muchly.

-All right.

0:23:240:23:26

All you've got to do - it's very simple -

0:23:260:23:28

you just flap your wings. Go on, flap your wings.

0:23:280:23:30

-I will.

-Go on, then. That's it.

0:23:300:23:31

Aww!

0:23:310:23:32

-You see, Orville?

-Yeah?

0:23:320:23:34

You've got to do it faster.

0:23:340:23:36

-Faster?

-Yes.

-I will.

-Go on, then. That's it.

0:23:360:23:39

That's it, go on!

0:23:390:23:40

Faster, faster!

0:23:400:23:42

ORVILLE PANTS

0:23:420:23:44

-What?

-I'm out of puff now!

0:23:440:23:46

LAUGHTER

0:23:460:23:48

Out of puff!

0:23:480:23:49

-Yeah.

-Look, it's all right.

0:23:490:23:51

Come on - look, you flap those wings. I've got hold of you.

0:23:510:23:53

I've got hold of your, your...

0:23:530:23:54

Well, I've got hold of you, anyway.

0:23:540:23:56

I'm going to take my hand away, OK?

0:23:560:23:58

-OK.

-That's it - flap those wings and I will take my hand away.

0:23:580:24:01

Are you ready? Here we go!

0:24:010:24:03

Waa...

0:24:030:24:04

Wahey!

0:24:040:24:05

Yeah, I flew!

0:24:130:24:16

Yes, and I took my hand away.

0:24:170:24:18

It's a good job you didn't take your other hand away, wasn't it?

0:24:180:24:22

Ha-ha! You flew.

0:24:220:24:25

Where's my prize now?

0:24:250:24:27

Listen, you must be very pleased -

0:24:270:24:29

you can go home now and you can tell all your friends you can fly.

0:24:290:24:32

And you can tell your mummy and daddy you can fly,

0:24:320:24:34

-and just think how happy they'll be, won't they?

-Aww...

0:24:340:24:37

No.

0:24:370:24:39

But, but...

0:24:390:24:40

-Why not?

-I can't.

0:24:400:24:42

You can't tell them?

0:24:420:24:43

No.

0:24:430:24:45

And why can't you tell your mummy and daddy that you can fly?

0:24:450:24:48

Cos I ha-haven't got a mummy or daddy...

0:24:480:24:51

Aww...!

0:24:510:24:53

You, you...

0:24:550:24:56

You haven't got a mummy or daddy?

0:24:560:24:59

No.

0:24:590:25:00

No?

0:25:000:25:01

No.

0:25:010:25:03

-No friends?

-No.

0:25:030:25:05

-No.

-Aww...

0:25:050:25:07

I-I-I've got no-one to phone.

0:25:070:25:10

-No-one to pho...?

-LAUGHTER

0:25:100:25:13

No.

0:25:170:25:19

-And no friends?

-No friends.

0:25:190:25:22

No mummy.

0:25:220:25:23

-No mummy.

-Aww!

0:25:230:25:25

No daddy.

0:25:250:25:26

Aww!

0:25:260:25:28

-In fact...

-Yes?

0:25:280:25:30

..I'm nobody's child.

0:25:300:25:32

Aww...

0:25:320:25:33

You tell us all about it.

0:25:340:25:37

-I will.

-Come on.

0:25:370:25:38

# I'm nobody's child

0:25:400:25:44

# I'm nobody's child

0:25:440:25:47

# I'm like a flower

0:25:490:25:52

# I'm, I'm just growing wild

0:25:520:25:55

# Oh, no daddy's kisses

0:25:560:26:00

# And no mummy's smile

0:26:000:26:04

# You see, nobody loves me... #

0:26:040:26:07

Don't they?

0:26:070:26:08

# Cos I'm, I'm nobody's child. #

0:26:080:26:12

Listen, come on.

0:26:120:26:13

I tell you what - look, we'll all try and sing it...

0:26:130:26:15

We'll all sing it with him, eh?

0:26:150:26:17

Make him feel better.

0:26:170:26:18

# He's nobody's child... #

0:26:210:26:24

ORVILLE WHIMPERS

0:26:240:26:26

# He's nobody's child

0:26:260:26:29

Just like a flower...

0:26:290:26:30

# Just like a flower

0:26:300:26:33

I'm growing wild.

0:26:330:26:34

# He's growing wild

0:26:340:26:37

Nobody loves me.

0:26:370:26:39

# Nobody wants him

0:26:390:26:42

And nobody's smile.

0:26:420:26:44

# And nobody's smile

0:26:440:26:46

You see, nobody loves me.

0:26:460:26:48

# Nobody loves him

0:26:480:26:50

Cos I'm...

0:26:500:26:52

# He's nobody's child. #

0:26:520:26:55

ORVILLE WHIMPERS

0:26:550:26:56

It's all right now, Come on.

0:26:560:26:58

I'm sure everybody here - you all love him, don't you?

0:26:580:27:00

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

0:27:000:27:02

-Did you hear that?

-Well...

0:27:020:27:04

# Somebody loves me

0:27:040:27:08

# I'm somebody's child. #

0:27:080:27:14

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:140:27:17

Thank you.

0:27:180:27:19

Superlatively sophisticate

0:27:340:27:37

in a sartorial...

0:27:370:27:39

Ooh...

0:27:390:27:41

(Clothing.)

0:27:410:27:42

..spectacle of synchronised

0:27:420:27:46

simultaneity.

0:27:460:27:47

CHEERING

0:27:470:27:48

That dashing duplicity,

0:27:480:27:51

Messrs Ray and Tutor Davies!

0:27:510:27:55

APPLAUSE

0:27:550:27:57

MUSIC: Elegance by Jerry Herman

0:27:570:28:00

# Have you noticed when I doff my hat my air remains quite bold?

0:28:030:28:09

# Have you noticed when I check my cuffs the studs are made of gold?

0:28:090:28:15

-# Have you noticed?

-Yes I've noticed

0:28:150:28:18

# We have no need to be told that...

0:28:180:28:23

# We've got elegance

0:28:230:28:25

# We've got built in elegance

0:28:250:28:28

# And with elegance, elegance

0:28:280:28:32

# We're gonna carry it off!

0:28:340:28:35

# Here we are The two of us

0:28:410:28:43

# Won't be long Before you're through with us

0:28:430:28:46

# We live life in the vernacular

0:28:460:28:49

# Every day is quite spectacular

0:28:490:28:52

# What a thrill To be with us

0:28:520:28:55

# People queue just to have tea with us

0:28:550:28:58

# We've got elegance

0:28:580:29:00

# Without style and elegance

0:29:000:29:03

# You will never ever carry it off

0:29:030:29:07

# All who are well-bred agree Little Ray

0:29:120:29:17

# Has pedigree

0:29:170:29:18

# Even though our father drives a bus

0:29:180:29:21

# Silver spoons were used for feeding us

0:29:210:29:24

# We have got What's known as chic

0:29:240:29:27

# Do it all on three and six a week

0:29:270:29:30

# We've got elegance

0:29:300:29:32

# Without style and elegance

0:29:320:29:35

# You will never ever carry it off

0:29:350:29:39

# Have you noticed when I hold my cup my finger never moves?

0:30:330:30:38

# And the way I keep my pinky up indubitably proves

0:30:380:30:44

# That...

0:30:440:30:46

# We've got elegance

0:30:460:30:47

# We've got built in elegance

0:30:480:30:50

# And with elegance, elegance Elegance, elegance, elegance

0:30:510:30:56

# We're gonna carry it

0:30:560:30:59

# Yes, we'll even marry it

0:30:590:31:02

# If we can get it retail We're prepared to cash and carry it

0:31:020:31:08

# We can carry it

0:31:080:31:11

# Off! #

0:31:110:31:17

Perambulatory...

0:31:360:31:38

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:31:380:31:39

..peripatetic peregrinatory...

0:31:390:31:42

Ooh!

0:31:420:31:44

..pedestrianism.

0:31:440:31:45

LAUGHTER

0:31:450:31:47

Hiking. LAUGHTER

0:31:470:31:49

Once again,

0:31:490:31:50

Mr John Inman!

0:31:500:31:53

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:530:31:55

MUSIC: Who's Your Lady Friend? by Robert Stolz

0:31:550:31:58

LAUGHTER

0:32:050:32:08

HE BELCHES

0:32:180:32:19

Oh, no - I think there's one or two more of them...left in there.

0:32:230:32:28

Ee, I've had a time, do you know? I have.

0:32:280:32:30

I haven't passed one pub from here to Batley.

0:32:300:32:32

Straight in, I was.

0:32:320:32:33

I'm the daddy of all the hikers, you know? I'm 82.

0:32:370:32:40

HE LAUGHS

0:32:400:32:41

82. I would have been 83, but me father were a bit shy.

0:32:430:32:46

How can you look so clean and laugh so dirty?

0:32:560:32:58

LAUGHTER

0:32:580:33:01

APPLAUSE

0:33:010:33:05

HE BELCHES

0:33:110:33:12

I went in the pub. I said to the landlord, I said,

0:33:140:33:17

"That beer's a bit thin." He said,

0:33:170:33:18

"Aye, you'd be thin if you'd come up same pipe as this has."

0:33:180:33:24

Ee...

0:33:240:33:26

Oh, he were a grand fellow, my dad, though, he was.

0:33:260:33:28

95 when he went.

0:33:280:33:30

Should be here by now.

0:33:310:33:32

He got married when he was my age.

0:33:360:33:38

He did!

0:33:380:33:40

Nice girl - 18, she was.

0:33:400:33:41

Well, she wanted a baby, you see?

0:33:440:33:45

He went to the doctor's - he says, "How do I stand?"

0:33:490:33:52

He said, "It's a miracle."

0:33:520:33:53

He says, "Well, I...

0:33:580:33:59

"I've got this young wife. She wants a baby. What shall I do?"

0:33:590:34:02

He says, "Well, you'd better get a lodger."

0:34:020:34:06

You know, two months later there was a baby on the way?

0:34:060:34:09

He was thrilled by that. He went dashing back to the doctor.

0:34:090:34:12

He says, "Hey! My wife's having a baby!"

0:34:120:34:15

He said, "Did you get a lodger?"

0:34:150:34:16

He says, "Aye, and I think she's having one an' all!"

0:34:160:34:19

Oh, I tell you...

0:34:300:34:31

I've just been in a pub, now. I was in a pub now. I was standing there,

0:34:320:34:36

I said to the barmaid, I said, "It's three years since I came in here."

0:34:360:34:40

She said, "Well, I'm serving as fast as I can!"

0:34:400:34:42

I said, "Mine's a light,"

0:34:510:34:53

and she chucked a bucket of water over me head.

0:34:530:34:55

I felt a bit, you know...

0:35:060:35:07

I got taken short in there cos I'd had one or two of...

0:35:070:35:10

HE BELCHES

0:35:100:35:11

Ooh, I felt one coming on, then. It surprised me.

0:35:120:35:16

I went to the doings and I, I'd just got a pint, you see?

0:35:160:35:20

LADY IN AUDIENCE CACKLES

0:35:200:35:22

She'll be off to the doings an' all in a minute!

0:35:230:35:26

I'd just got a pint.

0:35:310:35:32

I put it on the bar. I wrote a note in it -

0:35:340:35:37

"I have spit in this ale."

0:35:370:35:39

When I came back somebody had written underneath "So have I."

0:35:420:35:48

I'm going to a funeral in a minute.

0:35:480:35:49

I were at one the other day.

0:35:560:35:58

I were standing by the graveside, the vicar came up to me.

0:35:580:36:01

He said, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm 82."

0:36:010:36:04

He said, "Well, it's hardly worth you going home, is it?"

0:36:040:36:07

MUSIC: I'm Happy When I'm Hiking by Ralph Butler and Raymond Wallace

0:36:080:36:11

# I'm happy when I'm hiking

0:36:110:36:15

# A pack upon my back

0:36:150:36:17

# I'm happy when I'm hiking

0:36:190:36:22

# Off the beaten track

0:36:220:36:25

# Out in the open country

0:36:260:36:30

# Going all o'er the road

0:36:300:36:33

# With a real good friend To the journey's end

0:36:330:36:37

# 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 miles away... #

0:36:370:36:41

Now, on!

0:36:410:36:42

-# I'm happy when I'm hiking... #

-AUDIENCE JOINS IN

0:36:450:36:49

# A pack upon my back

0:36:490:36:53

# I'm happy when I'm hiking

0:36:530:36:56

# Off the beaten track

0:36:560:37:00

# Out in the open country... #

0:37:000:37:04

-AUDIENCE CONTINUES

-Very nice!

0:37:040:37:07

# With a real good friend To the journey's end

0:37:070:37:11

# 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 miles away. #

0:37:110:37:15

Hey!

0:37:150:37:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:37:180:37:20

Ineffable for your ineluctable...

0:37:380:37:43

Ooh!

0:37:430:37:44

..effulgance, enchanting..

0:37:440:37:47

..in aural...

0:37:480:37:51

LAUGHTER

0:37:510:37:52

..and ocular edification,

0:37:520:37:56

your own Miss Lyn Kennington!

0:37:560:38:00

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:38:000:38:02

MUSIC: My Hero by Oscar Straus and Stanislaus Stange

0:38:020:38:05

# I have a true and noble lover

0:38:150:38:20

# He is my sweetheart All my own

0:38:200:38:25

# His like on Earth who shall discover?

0:38:250:38:30

# His heart is mine and mine alone

0:38:300:38:37

# We pledged our troth Each to the other

0:38:370:38:41

# And for our happiness I pray

0:38:410:38:46

# Our lives belong to one another

0:38:460:38:54

# Oh, happy happy wedding day

0:38:540:39:01

# Oh, happy happy wedding day

0:39:010:39:10

# Come, come

0:39:120:39:16

# I love you only

0:39:160:39:20

# My love is true

0:39:200:39:26

# Come, come

0:39:260:39:29

# My life is lonely

0:39:290:39:33

# I long for you

0:39:330:39:39

# Come, come

0:39:390:39:43

# Naught can efface you

0:39:430:39:47

# My arms are aching

0:39:470:39:51

# Now to embrace you

0:39:510:39:57

# Thou art divine

0:39:570:40:03

# Come, come

0:40:030:40:07

# I love you only

0:40:070:40:12

# Come

0:40:120:40:14

# Hero mine. #

0:40:140:40:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:40:240:40:27

MUSIC: In The Gloaming by Annie Fortescue Harrison and Meta Orred

0:40:370:40:41

# In the gloaming

0:40:530:40:57

# Oh, my darling

0:40:570:41:01

# When the lights are dim and low

0:41:010:41:07

# And the quiet shadows falling

0:41:070:41:15

# Softly come and softly go

0:41:150:41:21

# When the winds are sobbing faintly

0:41:210:41:27

# With a gentle unknown woe

0:41:270:41:36

# Will you think of me and love me

0:41:360:41:46

# As you did once long ago?

0:41:460:41:52

# In the gloaming

0:42:070:42:10

# Oh, my darling

0:42:100:42:14

# Think not bitterly of me

0:42:140:42:20

# Though I went away in silence

0:42:200:42:27

# Left you lonely Set you free

0:42:270:42:33

# For my heart was crushed with longing

0:42:330:42:38

# What had been could never be

0:42:380:42:47

# It was best to leave you thus dear

0:42:470:42:57

# Best for you and best for me

0:42:570:43:05

# It was best to leave you thus

0:43:050:43:13

# Best for you

0:43:130:43:17

# And best

0:43:170:43:22

# For me. #

0:43:220:43:28

APPLAUSE

0:43:300:43:33

In happy homage to Mr Bobby Howes,

0:43:570:44:01

those exhilarating harbingers of halcyon harmonies...

0:44:010:44:06

CHEERING

0:44:060:44:08

..the Players' Theatre!

0:44:080:44:10

MUSIC: Spread A Little Happiness by Vivian Ellis

0:44:100:44:13

# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

0:44:210:44:25

# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry

0:44:250:44:28

# Just spread a little happiness as you go by

0:44:280:44:33

# Please try

0:44:330:44:36

# What's the use of worrying or feeling blue?

0:44:360:44:39

# When days are long keep on smiling through

0:44:390:44:43

# And spread a little happiness till dreams come true

0:44:430:44:48

# Surely you'll be wise to make the best of every blues day

0:44:500:44:56

# Don't you realise you'll find next Monday or next Tuesday

0:44:570:45:03

# Your golden shoes day?

0:45:030:45:07

# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

0:45:080:45:12

# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry

0:45:120:45:15

# Spread a little happiness as you go by

0:45:150:45:21

# Spread a little happiness

0:45:210:45:23

# Got a date with an angel

0:45:350:45:38

# Going to meet her at seven

0:45:380:45:40

# Got a date with an angel

0:45:420:45:45

# And I'm on my way to heaven

0:45:450:45:48

# She'll be sweet when I meet her

0:45:490:45:52

# She'll be sweet when I greet her

0:45:530:45:55

# I just feel proud like St Peter

0:45:570:46:00

# Cos I'm on my way to heaven

0:46:000:46:03

# Soon I'll hear the bells ring out

0:46:040:46:06

# And the choir will sing out

0:46:080:46:10

# And the pearly gates swing out

0:46:110:46:14

# She'll beckon to me

0:46:140:46:18

# I've been waiting a lifetime

0:46:190:46:23

# For this evening at seven

0:46:230:46:27

# Got a date with an angel

0:46:270:46:30

# And I'm on my way to heaven

0:46:300:46:33

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:46:360:46:39

# Don't be mysterious

0:46:390:46:41

# Life's far too serious

0:46:410:46:43

# You work, you slave You worry so

0:46:430:46:47

# But you can't take your dough When you go, go, go

0:46:470:46:52

# Keep repeating it's the berries

0:46:520:46:55

# The strongest oak must fall

0:46:550:46:59

# The sweet things in life To you are just loaned

0:46:590:47:03

# How can you lose what you've never owned?

0:47:030:47:07

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:47:070:47:10

# So live and laugh at it all

0:47:100:47:13

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:47:150:47:18

# Don't be so serious

0:47:180:47:20

# Life's too mysterious

0:47:200:47:22

# You work, you slave You worry so

0:47:220:47:26

# But you can't take your dough When you go, go, go

0:47:260:47:30

# Keep repeating it's the berries

0:47:300:47:34

# The strongest oak must fall

0:47:340:47:38

# The sweet things in life To you are just loaned

0:47:380:47:42

# So how can you lose what you've never owned?

0:47:420:47:46

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:47:460:47:49

# So live and laugh at it all

0:47:490:47:53

# When the darkest clouds are in the sky

0:47:540:47:58

# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry

0:47:580:48:02

# Spread a little happiness

0:48:020:48:04

# As you go by. #

0:48:040:48:11

And now, there's just time

0:48:300:48:33

to ask Mr John Inman to lead the company and yourselves

0:48:330:48:35

in the last chorus for tonight - Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:48:350:48:38

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr John Inman, the entire company,

0:48:380:48:41

Mr Bernard Hermann and the entire and indefatigable orchestra!

0:48:410:48:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:460:48:48

But, this time, chiefly,

0:48:480:48:51

-yourselves! AUDIENCE:

-Yourselves!

0:48:510:48:53

MUSIC: Down At The Old Bull And Bush

0:48:530:48:57

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me

0:48:570:49:01

# Down at the Old Bull And Bush Da, da, da, da, da

0:49:010:49:05

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:49:050:49:07

# Down at the Old Bull And Bush

0:49:090:49:11

# Hear the little German band

0:49:130:49:15

# Da, da-da-da, da, da, da

0:49:150:49:16

# Just let me hold your hand dear

0:49:160:49:20

# Do, do, come and have a drink or two

0:49:200:49:24

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush.

0:49:240:49:28

# Bush, Bush! #

0:49:280:49:29

Leonard Sachs chairs the old-time music hall programme, first broadcast on 17th January 1978. With John Inman, Lyn Kennington, Ray C Davis, Tudor Davies, Keith Harris, Norma Lunbar, Salvano, Jenny Kenna and members of the Players' Theatre, London.