Episode 4 Top Gear


Episode 4

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello and welcome to Top Gear.

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On tonight's show,

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we've got a world exclusive on four wheels and on two wheels.

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That's right, we're doing a bike. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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But first, if you like huge horsepower hypercars,

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and if you're watching this it's safe to assume that you do,

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now is a great time to be alive.

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There's not a week that goes by without another 1,000 horsepower,

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million-pound monster appearing on the scene,

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but where did it all begin?

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Well, here's Chris Harris, with a quick history lesson.

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Once upon a time, there was a car called the Bugatti Veyron.

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Volkswagen's passion project,

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it launched in 2005 and promptly rewrote the rule book.

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Not only was it the world's fastest, most powerful production car,

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it cost an unprecedented one million euros.

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This was hypercar 1.0 and, without it, we might never

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have seen the likes of the McLaren P1, the LaFerrari

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or the Porsche 918 Spyder.

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But now it's gone - and been replaced by this.

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The new £2 million Bugatti Chiron.

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Like the Veyron,

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it has an eight-litre, 16-cylinder engine, with four turbochargers.

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And because this is the car to replace the Veyron,

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you would expect it to pack some sort of extra futuristic shove.

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But you'd be wrong, because this is basically a very modified Veyron.

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The same huge petrol engine, four-wheel-drive system, gearbox -

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it's all been tinkered and improved, but this is the old formula.

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So, if the Veyron was revolutionary, the Chiron, I'm afraid, isn't.

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But it does have...

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..1,500 horsepower.

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And that... Well, that's a really long runway.

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ENGINE ROARS

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I'm quite nervous.

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ENGINE PURRS

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I don't really know how you prepare yourself for this,

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so I think you just go, don't you?

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Oh, my God!

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60. That's 100.

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That's 125, that took six seconds.

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That's 190. That's 200.

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215. I'm trying to read the speed and look ahead.

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225. 228.

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231. 233.

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236 and that's the limit to there.

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That is absolutely mind-bending.

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I'm sorry, but that...

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..needs another go.

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This is looking insane.

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You can almost hear it gulping down the fuel.

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The Veyron could empty its 100-litre fuel tank in 12 minutes.

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This thing can do it in nine!

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And the force on those tyres - 3,800Gs!

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Which means at this speed, the 12mg valve caps weigh 13.5kg.

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This is the edge of physics!

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At this speed,

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this Chiron is gulping 1,000 litres of air a second.

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Drink in, Mr Chiron! Get it down you!

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That's a drug. That's a drug.

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I know it's just going fast in a straight line, but...

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just the motive force required to smash you through the air!

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Now, if you're thinking, hang on, the Veyron goes quicker than 236,

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well, you'd be right, but so does the Chiron.

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You see, the Chiron is a two-key vehicle.

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The first key nestles in the dashboard here and that gives

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you 236mph, but down here, there's another one, if I can find it.

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There you go. Look at that.

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Put that and turn it down there and you're allowed 261mph.

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And because Bugatti is still testing the tyres,

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even that speed is still limited. How fast will it go?

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270? Maybe 280?

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I think we can speculate that, at some point during its life,

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the Chiron might well do 300mph.

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300mph.

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It goes like a £2 million car should, then.

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But what about the way it looks?

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When I first saw pictures of the Chiron, I was totally underwhelmed.

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It looked too much like a Veyron, but now I'm here with it in the raw,

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I can get a sense of proportion and the details, and it really works.

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This lovely C that houses the air intakes, then round the back here,

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to this floating light bar, massive diffuser and huge wing.

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It's a stunning-looking thing.

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The only problem is this rather nasty 3 door handle,

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but otherwise, well, it looks every inch the £2 million car.

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As does the interior.

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It isn't complicated by huge screens or rows of unfathomable

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buttons and switches.

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Bugatti intends the Chiron to be timeless...elegant.

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Then again, no-one ever criticised the old Veyron for feeling cheap.

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But they did criticise it for being a bit, well, dull.

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You see, it was admired, but never really adored.

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It was so competent, so stable, it all felt a bit joyless.

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With the Chiron though, Bugatti has started to have some fun.

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To start with, it's got adaptive dampers all round,

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so they can slacken off and make the car comfortable

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when it needs to be, and firm and responsive when it needs to be.

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And the steering is a different world to the Veyron.

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It's now electromechanical, it's into the wrists.

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The car now feels so much more agile, but easier to place as well.

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It's got a front end you can lean on.

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And with the four-wheel-drive system revised, as well,

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there's even mention of the D word.

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Yes, Bugatti says this thing will drift,

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so I suppose we'd better find out, hadn't we?

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This is my "BLEEP don't crash it" face.

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It's like wrestling a shark.

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Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

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The traction is mega.

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All the power goes to the back wheels, then it goes all

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to the front and you have to just grab armfuls of lock.

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Rail breaker bit, get the rear to rotate, then follow the gas on.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Yeah. You can drift the Chiron.

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Now, of course, I'm not saying Bugatti has gone and built

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some P1 918 LaFerrari baiting trap weapon.

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The truth is, the more time you spend with the Chiron, the more

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you get the impression those three upstarts don't even feature

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on its radar.

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What Bugatti has built here is a car with a different purpose.

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Above all else, the Chiron is about straightforward speed.

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And when it comes to speed, it has no equals.

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You can talk about which one of the McLaren,

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the Ferrari and the Porsche you would buy, but you don't

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with the Chiron.

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You either buy a Chiron or no Chiron. There is no competition.

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A class apart, then. Well, the Chiron isn't the Veyron.

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It doesn't rewrite any rule books or change the way we look

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at the automobile,

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but there's something oddly appealing about that.

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This is no longer the Volkswagen group trying to demonstrate

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its technological superiority.

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It just wanted to go really, really fast.

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It wants to win at car Top Trumps and that's

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a pleasingly, pig-headed aim in my book.

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And talking of going very, very fast...

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Come on. If you were me, you would, wouldn't you?

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I'll never tire of this!

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Amazing.

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Amazing!

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I'm a very, very lucky boy.

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That's the fastest I've ever been in a car.

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-OK, now, you hit the limiter at 236mph, right?

-Yeah.

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OK, so I've got to ask you, you had the second key,

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why didn't you use the second key and hit the limiter at 261?

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-I knew you'd ask that.

-Of course I'm going to ask you that.

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Look, this car isn't quite finished yet.

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Bugatti's still working on it. That's the reason it can't go

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-around our lap, by the way. It's not quite finished.

-OK.

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It's so complicated, it's a leap into the unknown.

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They're still developing it and I was, sort of, part of that

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-development process, actually.

-You are so selfless.

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LAUGHTER

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Risking your life for the millionaires of the world.

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-I mean, it's amazing.

-It's not a millionaire's game,

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-this is a billionaire's game.

-Yeah!

-Let me give you some stats.

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-Bugatti tells us the average Chiron owner has 42 cars.

-OK.

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-Two yachts and 1.6 helicopters.

-LAUGHTER

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OK, which 0.6 of that second helicopter do they have, though?

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-The expensive bit.

-OK.

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Anyhow, of all the mind-bending stats,

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I think the tyres might be the most mind-bending part of this car,

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because when Bugatti developed this machine,

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it had to go faster than anything else had gone before, so it

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went to Michelin and said,

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"We need a new tyre," and Michelin said, "OK."

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But they'd never tested a tyre to 300mph before,

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so they had to test it on their aircraft rig to get the tech right

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and that's how you have to think of this car.

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-It's not so much a car, it's like a land-based jet.

-Yeah. All right,

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let's think of it that way. And we're not done with the Chiron,

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because later in the show, this car is taking part in a very,

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very special race. Trust me, you don't want to miss that one.

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-Rory!

-That's right. This has the most horsepower

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of any Top Gear film ever and that's not all, because,

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and I don't think I'm giving away too much when I say that tonight's

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show also features an exclusive appearance from the Smart Fortwo.

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-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Yeah.

-That's right.

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Now it's time to welcome this week's guest. I love this guy.

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This is great. OK.

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He is the platinum-selling, Brit Award-winning, chart-topping

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megastar who loves to go low.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Tinie Tempah!

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MUSIC: Girls Like by Tinie Tempah

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-You all right?

-Yeah.

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-How's it going?

-Pretty good.

-Where do you want me, here?

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Yeah, right there is good. So glad to have you here, right? Come on.

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-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Finally! Finally!

0:13:040:13:07

-Yeah, yeah. This isn't your first time here.

-No, it isn't, actually.

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So, basically, I was supposed to shoot the video for the song

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Girls Like in Dunsfold, I was supposed to shoot it here.

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And as soon as I got here, it was rainy, rainy as hell.

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The light went by, like, 3pm or 4pm, so we couldn't do anything

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and then, by 6pm, the director said it was a wrap.

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-I watched the video back and it was absolutely

-BLEEP.

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It's the worst video I've ever seen.

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The worst video I've ever seen in my life, so then we had to rush

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-over to South Africa, to do Top Gear, where we met.

-Yeah. Right.

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And then, after we finished doing that,

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then I got to reshoot the video in South Africa, so actually,

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Top Gear and Girls Like have a lot of synergy, there's just a lot

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-there.

-Speaking of Girls Like,

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-that kind of became an unofficial Top Gear anthem.

-Oh, yes.

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On shoots, everywhere we go,

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you can always guarantee this man is playing Girls Like.

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-You are in his head 24/7.

-I think he just likes to...

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I'm not sure he even likes the song,

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he just likes, "Go low, go low. Everybody get low."

0:14:070:14:10

-That's what he likes.

-I love it.

0:14:100:14:11

-You're a bigger part of the show than you think.

-I appreciate that.

0:14:110:14:14

-That's on the new album?

-Yeah, it's on the new album, Youth,

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coming out pretty soon and I'm excited.

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I've been working on it for two years.

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I'm like a Londoner, it's an artist from the UK,

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born and bred in London and I wanted to be

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a rapper when I was growing up and everybody said it was naff.

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You could never be a rapper.

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A rapper would never get on the radio or get on a show like this

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and times have changed. Youth is basically a celebration of that,

0:14:340:14:37

you know, just doing something that wasn't really

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a thing before and it's a thing now.

0:14:400:14:42

Speaking of growing up, what was your first car?

0:14:420:14:45

-Oh, OK, so my first car was a Vauxhall Corsa.

-Yes.

-1.1.

0:14:450:14:50

-Humble beginnings.

-Yes.

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Y Reg, I remember that very vividly and I used to...

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Outside my mum and dad's house there was a driveway and I'd, literally,

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because I wanted to listen to my music loud and stuff,

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I'd just keep the car in the driveway,

0:15:010:15:03

invite all my friends, technically, to my house, but to the car,

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so they'd get, "No, no, don't go in there. Come in here."

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And it was, literally, like,

0:15:090:15:11

my little, kind of, like, domain for a while.

0:15:110:15:13

-What do you drive now?

-At the moment I'm driving the Lamborghini Huracan.

0:15:130:15:18

-Nice.

-We talked about this.

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I thought you were going to get a Porsche?

0:15:200:15:23

Yeah, I kind of...

0:15:230:15:24

I don't know, we spent a week together and I realised that you was

0:15:240:15:27

talking a lot, bro, and I was listening to everything

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you was saying.

0:15:300:15:31

You know you're with, like, Matt LeBlanc, it's like, he's a legend.

0:15:310:15:35

I'm just like, "Yes, Matt. Of course, Matt. I will, Matt."

0:15:350:15:38

And I got home and I was like, "No, I don't want the Porsche."

0:15:380:15:40

-"Screw what he said."

-Yeah, "Screw his advice."

0:15:400:15:42

-And how do you like it?

-It's good, yeah. It's a good car.

0:15:420:15:45

I'm quite glad he wasn't the guest two weeks ago, when I was...

0:15:450:15:48

less than kind about the Lamborghini Huracan.

0:15:480:15:51

What did you say about it, bruv?

0:15:510:15:52

I said it was a wonderful car for wonderful people.

0:15:520:15:55

LAUGHTER

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And I went and got it matted as well,

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so I got MATT black colour.

0:15:590:16:01

Oh, thank you.

0:16:010:16:02

OK, what do you think?

0:16:040:16:06

Let's see how you did in your training lap with Chris,

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who just finished his Tamsin Greig school of social etiquette.

0:16:080:16:13

-How did it go out there with him? Good?

-It was good, man.

0:16:130:16:16

I've heard a lot of bad things about you, bro.

0:16:160:16:19

I've heard a lot of bad things about Chris,

0:16:190:16:21

so I wasn't looking forward to it.

0:16:210:16:22

It was raining. It was raining,

0:16:220:16:24

then we started getting a bit of sunlight, but too much,

0:16:240:16:26

so there was glare in the windshield and I was thinking,

0:16:260:16:29

"This is probably all because of Chris, somehow."

0:16:290:16:32

Like, he's just got... There's just something about him.

0:16:320:16:35

He brings misery to the role.

0:16:350:16:36

Yeah, he brings misery, but then I started to get upset

0:16:360:16:39

and then, after that, I started to realise that he has got a soft...

0:16:390:16:43

quite a soft, sentimental side.

0:16:430:16:45

Because as I started to get quite worked up,

0:16:450:16:48

he was immediately there, to be like, "Don't worry, T..."

0:16:480:16:51

-Who has a soft, sentimental side?

-Chris. This guy over here, yeah.

0:16:510:16:54

I'm very giving. Just watch the film.

0:16:540:16:57

Whatever! OK, let's take a look.

0:16:570:16:59

-Right, first gear, please.

-Right.

-First gear, please, Tinie.

-Cool.

0:17:000:17:03

-Handbrake off, please.

-Nice and positive.

0:17:030:17:05

-See, you like that?

-I love it.

-Now just get on with it, come on.

0:17:050:17:08

-It's really slippery.

-Yeah.

0:17:120:17:14

And we both want to go home with all of our limbs, don't we?

0:17:140:17:17

Yeah, nice and safe.

0:17:170:17:18

-Feel that understeer, baby.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:17:200:17:22

-Now feel that oversteer on the exit.

-Yeah.

0:17:220:17:24

-Whoa!

-Got it, got it, got it.

0:17:240:17:27

Now you're alive. Got to go left here at the blue line.

0:17:270:17:29

To the left of the tyres. Brake, brake, brake.

0:17:290:17:31

-Remember, look for the red line now on your right-hand side.

-Yes.

0:17:310:17:34

-It's there. It's there, it's there.

-Oh, spinning out.

0:17:340:17:36

-Understeer, understeer, understeer.

-There we go. Am I within the line?

0:17:360:17:40

-Is that cool?

-That's good, that's brilliant. Up here.

0:17:400:17:42

-Let's go.

-Admittedly, begrudgingly...

0:17:420:17:45

Come on! Come on!

0:17:450:17:46

It's time for some tunes, man.

0:17:480:17:50

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

0:17:500:17:53

Brake, brake, brake, brake, or we're off. Brake or we're off.

0:17:550:17:58

You know, Toyota make an offroader, as well. It's called a Land Cruiser.

0:18:030:18:06

-Is it?

-It's not this one, though.

-Oh, OK.

0:18:060:18:08

I'll bear that in mind for next time.

0:18:080:18:10

-Good Lord!

-I've got it.

0:18:120:18:13

-And over the line.

-Over the line!

-Yes!

0:18:130:18:16

-You nearly braked before the line!

-The pressure's too much, man.

0:18:160:18:20

I don't know if I can deal with this.

0:18:200:18:22

I'm going to get high blood pressure. Come on.

0:18:220:18:24

# I'm a boss... #

0:18:240:18:26

How did you do it? Teach me the dance move.

0:18:260:18:29

Look at this one. Do this one. Just a slow one. Just a slow one.

0:18:290:18:33

This is about my Lamborghini.

0:18:330:18:34

# My Lamborghini... #

0:18:340:18:36

Yeah, just have to dance like a grandad now.

0:18:360:18:38

-That's all you have to do.

-Your Lamborghini looks like a shark?

0:18:380:18:41

Yeah, my Lamborghini looks like Jaws.

0:18:410:18:43

CHEERING

0:18:450:18:47

What was that dance you were doing in the car?

0:18:530:18:56

I don't really understand.

0:18:570:18:59

I was taking some lessons from Tinie about how I should dance

0:18:590:19:02

and he said, very reassuringly,

0:19:020:19:04

"Dance as you want to. Be a grandpa." So I thought, OK, I would.

0:19:040:19:06

I mean, obviously, when my children see that,

0:19:060:19:08

that's just going to be appalling, but I tried my hardest.

0:19:080:19:12

Look, he dealt very well with the conditions, because it was so wet

0:19:120:19:15

it was flooded. The tyre wouldn't deal with the water,

0:19:150:19:18

so we were aquaplaning,

0:19:180:19:19

and then, the sun came out, so he couldn't see where the line was.

0:19:190:19:22

-It was just like a glass surface, wasn't it?

-It wasn't easy, bro.

0:19:220:19:25

-It was tough.

-Yeah, that was wet.

0:19:250:19:27

We'll see how you did in your timed lap.

0:19:270:19:29

-We'll check that out later on.

-Cool.

0:19:290:19:30

Now, usually these two get to hoon about in Ferraris and Lambos

0:19:300:19:34

and such, but a couple of months ago,

0:19:340:19:36

the producers told me there was a new rear engine,

0:19:360:19:39

rear-wheel drive sports car that I should take a look at.

0:19:390:19:43

Maybe a rival for the Porsche 911. So, I went to check it out.

0:19:430:19:47

And this is that rear-engined, rear-wheel drive sports car. Yeah.

0:19:560:20:01

I've been stitched up here, haven't I?

0:20:030:20:05

It's called the Renault Twingo GT.

0:20:080:20:11

And, yeah, like the Porsche 911,

0:20:110:20:13

it does have the engine in the back.

0:20:130:20:15

And, like the Porsche 911,

0:20:150:20:17

that engine does drive the rear wheel.

0:20:170:20:19

But I'm calling foul on the whole sports car thing, I'm sorry.

0:20:200:20:24

What sport?

0:20:240:20:27

What is sporty about this?

0:20:270:20:29

Well, right now, not a lot.

0:20:290:20:31

Even on a dry day, 0-60 takes over 9.5 seconds and it's got

0:20:310:20:36

a top speed of just 113mph.

0:20:360:20:40

Those are not numbers to worry Porsche.

0:20:400:20:42

They're not numbers to worry anyone.

0:20:420:20:44

But according to Renault, this really is a sports car.

0:20:450:20:49

Compared to the standard Twingo, the one driven by your nan,

0:20:500:20:54

the GT has bigger alloys,

0:20:540:20:56

firmer suspension and twin tailpipes.

0:20:560:20:59

And, on the left-hand side only, a small intake, which feeds

0:20:590:21:03

cool air into the three-cylinder, turbo-charged engine,

0:21:030:21:07

which makes 20% more power.

0:21:070:21:09

All right, that still only gives it 108 horsepower.

0:21:180:21:21

But that doesn't actually matter,

0:21:230:21:25

because this Twingo is a different kind of sports car.

0:21:250:21:29

It doesn't need power. It weighs less than a ton. It's light.

0:21:290:21:32

And the GT costs under £14,000, so it's cheap.

0:21:340:21:38

This is a baby hot hatch.

0:21:400:21:42

And that is a very good thing.

0:21:460:21:48

Because unlike a big hot hatch...

0:21:490:21:51

..you're not paying for anything you can't use.

0:21:530:21:56

Ha-ha!

0:21:560:21:57

Your Ford Focus RSes and your Golf Rs and the like,

0:21:590:22:02

great cars, but they're so damn fast.

0:22:020:22:04

In Britain at least,

0:22:040:22:06

you can only use a fraction of their firepower a fraction of the time.

0:22:060:22:10

Not in the Twingo, though.

0:22:100:22:12

You can keep your foot buried for 20, 30 seconds,

0:22:120:22:16

safe in the knowledge that it's not going to kill you.

0:22:160:22:19

It's one of those cars that encourages you to drive

0:22:190:22:22

like an absolute hooligan

0:22:220:22:24

and, yet, you always stay on the right side of the law.

0:22:240:22:27

HE LAUGHS

0:22:270:22:29

It's just a really rewarding car to drive.

0:22:290:22:32

OK, it's not a Porsche, but it is good.

0:22:340:22:37

So, yes, if your name's Chris Harris and you commute to work

0:22:380:22:41

sideways over empty, sweeping moorland B-roads,

0:22:410:22:45

the Twingo IS going to leave you a bit cold.

0:22:450:22:49

But because you're not Chris Harris, and, thank God, neither am I,

0:22:490:22:53

we don't commute to work over empty, sweeping moorland B-roads.

0:22:530:22:57

We spend most of our time...

0:22:570:22:59

..in the city.

0:23:010:23:02

And that is what the Twingo is all about.

0:23:030:23:06

Because there's no oily, petrolly, motory stuff jammed in

0:23:060:23:10

by the front wheels, I can get an insane amount of lock on.

0:23:100:23:13

That means it's a cinch to park. It also means I'm agile, I'm nippy.

0:23:140:23:19

I'm like a big, orange hummingbird on wheels.

0:23:190:23:21

What I'm saying is, you don't need loads of horsepower

0:23:240:23:28

to have a good time.

0:23:280:23:29

Remember the Peugeot 205 GTi from the '80s?

0:23:290:23:32

One of the best hot hatches of all time.

0:23:320:23:35

And yet, the Twingo GT has almost exactly the same power

0:23:360:23:40

and performance.

0:23:400:23:41

This car is retro.

0:23:420:23:45

And I do love a bit of retro.

0:23:460:23:48

The thing is, if you're after a playful little city car

0:23:500:23:54

with that old school appeal, the Twingo does have its rivals.

0:23:540:23:57

And helping find the right car for you

0:23:590:24:01

is something we take very seriously.

0:24:010:24:04

Oh, yes.

0:24:040:24:05

Welcome to what, for legal reasons, I'm obliged to refer to as

0:24:050:24:09

the Top Gear arcade-based maze re-creation challenge.

0:24:090:24:14

Yes, like all classic arcade games, here, the rules are simple.

0:24:180:24:22

There's a big maze covered in dots and me and the Twingo

0:24:220:24:26

have three lives to drive around eating said dots

0:24:260:24:29

without getting got by the ghosts.

0:24:290:24:32

And by ghosts, I do mean similarly-priced city car rivals.

0:24:320:24:36

Ghost number one is the Brabus ForTwo.

0:24:380:24:41

It has the same engine and performance as the Twingo

0:24:410:24:44

but only has two doors, two seats and,

0:24:440:24:48

for tonight at least, is being driven by a speedy German.

0:24:480:24:52

I see you, man pack.

0:24:520:24:54

No, it's not man pack, it's... Never mind.

0:24:540:24:57

Ghost number two is the new Volkswagen Up!

0:24:570:25:01

Yes, it might be five years old, but the king of modern city cars

0:25:010:25:04

now comes with a turbocharger, to give it more zip -

0:25:040:25:08

especially in the hands of Mr Happy here.

0:25:080:25:11

Rory, do you know what corrugated steel tastes like?

0:25:110:25:14

I'm sorry, did they have arcade games when you were growing up?

0:25:140:25:17

Or were you part of the stick and hoop generation?

0:25:170:25:20

Less talky, more smashy.

0:25:200:25:23

'Right, three lives to eat up all the dots

0:25:230:25:26

'and one handy sat nav map, to help me find them.'

0:25:260:25:30

Get ready for an arcade masterclass.

0:25:300:25:32

See you later, suckers!

0:25:350:25:37

He's going left! Follow, Harris!

0:25:370:25:39

Catch me if you can, losers!

0:25:390:25:41

Give me them dots, give me them tasty dots.

0:25:410:25:44

Yummy, yummy, yummy, come on.

0:25:440:25:46

This is good fun!

0:25:460:25:47

One thing I've got on my side is that this is the most

0:25:500:25:53

manoeuvrable car of the bunch.

0:25:530:25:56

A little car. Such a tiny little thing.

0:25:570:26:00

And for this job, just perfect.

0:26:010:26:04

Now, officially, the Up! is the cheapest car here,

0:26:040:26:07

but it has the highest top speed.

0:26:070:26:09

'Which is of no use in an arcade maze.'

0:26:090:26:12

Handbrake!

0:26:120:26:13

Yes! Whoo!

0:26:150:26:17

-That was

-BLEEP

-great.

0:26:170:26:19

Oh, yes.

0:26:220:26:23

This is the best city car, bar none.

0:26:230:26:27

Oh, no, no, no! Come on!

0:26:270:26:30

-Come on!

-SHE CACKLES

0:26:300:26:33

I'm dead. Already!

0:26:330:26:35

OK, two lives left, and with nearly a third of the maze cleared,

0:26:360:26:41

lots of dots still to eat.

0:26:410:26:43

Rory, be a bit less rubbish this time.

0:26:430:26:45

HE LAUGHS

0:26:480:26:49

We're off. Here we go, here we go.

0:26:520:26:54

Don't let them beat you, man. Don't let them beat you!

0:26:540:26:57

I'm right behind you. Right behind you!

0:26:570:26:59

Oh, Harris is quick!

0:26:590:27:01

-He's quick!

-Go, Harris!

0:27:010:27:03

'Immediately, the ghosts were closing in again.'

0:27:030:27:05

Go, go, go!

0:27:050:27:07

'But no retro arcade game would be complete without the odd...'

0:27:070:27:10

Here we go! '..power up.'

0:27:100:27:12

-Ha-ha!

-Whoo!

0:27:130:27:15

-You hit me!

-What are you doing? What's the red light thing?

0:27:150:27:18

The red light means stop, Grandad.

0:27:180:27:21

'And that gave me ten whole seconds...

0:27:210:27:24

'Of ghost-free dot-munching.'

0:27:250:27:27

I am on a dot spree now, baby.

0:27:280:27:32

I think you'll find they're called biscuits.

0:27:320:27:34

Literally, nobody calls them biscuits.

0:27:340:27:36

Well, except old people.

0:27:360:27:38

-Oh, we can go again.

-Let's go!

-Now we're blocked in.

0:27:390:27:43

Whoa!

0:27:440:27:46

Oh, the turning circle! The turning circle!

0:27:470:27:50

I haven't quite got the turning circle of a Twingo, have I?

0:27:500:27:54

Oh, delicious dots. Delicious dots! Mine!

0:27:560:28:01

'And with Harris still halfway through his million-point turn...'

0:28:010:28:05

I'm not going to catch anyone at this rate, am I?

0:28:050:28:07

'..I tried a new tactic. Stealth.'

0:28:070:28:10

Stay under the radar.

0:28:100:28:11

-Off the grid.

-Ah, we're away. Right, come on.

0:28:130:28:16

Where is he?

0:28:160:28:18

Think stealth. Think ninja.

0:28:180:28:20

Rory! Where are you?

0:28:200:28:22

He's hiding. We'll find him.

0:28:220:28:24

I'm right behind him.

0:28:240:28:26

I'm right behind him. He doesn't even know.

0:28:260:28:28

'Yep, my awesome ninja stealth skills let me sneak in

0:28:290:28:32

'a few more dots before...'

0:28:320:28:35

I got him, I got him!

0:28:350:28:36

HE LAUGHS

0:28:370:28:39

Yeah, I can see him.

0:28:390:28:41

Run away! Run away!

0:28:410:28:43

'The city car ghosts were back in the hunt.'

0:28:430:28:45

I'm going to catch you, Reid.

0:28:460:28:49

Which way? Which way? Which way? Which way? Which way?

0:28:490:28:51

-Got him!

-No, no, no!

0:28:510:28:53

Oh!

0:28:530:28:55

Mate!

0:28:550:28:56

HE CHUCKLES

0:28:560:28:58

Dude, it's a brand-new Twingo!

0:28:580:29:00

'You're better than this, Reid.

0:29:000:29:02

'Right, still a load of dots left.

0:29:020:29:05

'Last life, no continues.'

0:29:050:29:08

Rory, just give up. You're not going to win.

0:29:080:29:10

Come on, Twingo, help me out here. Please, please, please.

0:29:100:29:14

You can do this, you can do this!

0:29:210:29:23

'Game time. Hunting out the last of the dots.'

0:29:230:29:25

You're not supposed to wreck all the lights, Reid.

0:29:270:29:29

'The Twingo and I were using every trick in the arcade manual...'

0:29:290:29:33

Dots, dots, I need dots. Come on.

0:29:330:29:35

'..which isn't even a thing..

0:29:350:29:37

Oops.

0:29:380:29:39

All right, we've got to stop him getting these last biscuits.

0:29:390:29:41

I have an idea.

0:29:410:29:42

Come on, Twingo! Come on! Yes, yes!

0:29:440:29:47

The last dots! Come on!

0:29:470:29:48

'We were nearly there, but with the last dots almost within reach...'

0:29:480:29:53

That's them. The last dots. Let's go.

0:29:530:29:56

Argh!

0:29:570:29:59

'..Sabine had set up a dot block.'

0:29:590:30:00

Sneaky German ghost!

0:30:000:30:02

SHE SQUEALS

0:30:020:30:03

Oh, no, you don't, Mr French shopping trolley.

0:30:050:30:08

Ha-ha! Ken Block who?

0:30:080:30:10

Good skills.

0:30:120:30:15

Ah, yes!

0:30:150:30:17

-Oh, no!

-Here we go, here we go!

0:30:170:30:18

Yes! Nearly there, Twingo!

0:30:180:30:21

That's them - the last dots!

0:30:210:30:23

Yes! Yes!

0:30:230:30:24

Go!

0:30:240:30:26

Yes! Yes!

0:30:270:30:30

We did it! We did it!

0:30:300:30:31

Oh, look, he's doing a victory doughnut.

0:30:310:30:34

HE LAUGHS

0:30:340:30:35

In your face!

0:30:350:30:38

It's not really a doughnut, is it?

0:30:380:30:40

More of a kind of crap teacake.

0:30:400:30:42

RORY LAUGHS

0:30:420:30:44

In your face!

0:30:460:30:48

-Victory for the Twingo!

-Victory for the Twingo.

0:30:560:31:00

That was... That was great.

0:31:000:31:02

That was great.

0:31:020:31:04

You know, not a day goes by where I don't find myself

0:31:040:31:07

trapped in a maze of shipping containers and wonder,

0:31:070:31:09

"What would be the best car to help me escape?"

0:31:090:31:12

-Yeah, exactly.

-Now I know.

-Exactly, exactly.

0:31:120:31:14

You know what I like about the Twingo, right?

0:31:140:31:16

It's the fact that all city cars were, kind of, all becoming the

0:31:160:31:19

same, they were becoming clones, but the Twingo is a different way

0:31:190:31:21

of answering the question.

0:31:210:31:23

It's not the front-wheel drive, it's not, kind of, boxy.

0:31:230:31:26

All right, it's not perfect but it's got character.

0:31:260:31:28

And when you want to go somewhere, you just pop it in the boot

0:31:280:31:31

of your real car and off you go.

0:31:310:31:34

OK, now it's time to find out which of these teeny, tiny cars

0:31:340:31:37

is fastest around our track,

0:31:370:31:39

and that means handing them over for testing.

0:31:390:31:42

Not by The Stig, but by The Stig's teenage cousins.

0:31:420:31:45

So, there they all are, standing around Snapchatting,

0:31:490:31:52

photo bombing, looking for Pokemon Go...

0:31:520:31:54

And off the line, the Twingo, rear-engine traction,

0:31:540:31:57

has got a little bit of a march there.

0:31:570:31:59

There's no room up the inside for that particular adolescent lunatic.

0:31:590:32:02

Oh, my God. Imagine what's inside that helmet - all the acne.

0:32:020:32:05

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

0:32:050:32:07

Right, turning in, there's not enough room for you there.

0:32:090:32:13

Oh, dangerous - headphones on.

0:32:130:32:15

What are they listening to? Tinie Tempah, maybe.

0:32:150:32:17

Some cool tunes. OK, this is worrying now because

0:32:170:32:19

there's not room for two of them going in here.

0:32:190:32:22

The Up looking a bit sneaky at the back there.

0:32:220:32:25

A tighter line... This is clever.

0:32:250:32:27

..and he's going to get the march on the Smart

0:32:270:32:29

coming down the back straight.

0:32:290:32:30

They don't look very fast, do they? No, not in a straight line.

0:32:300:32:34

What's he doing there?

0:32:340:32:36

I don't know, talking to his pals on Face Chat thing...

0:32:360:32:39

OK, breaking hard down into the Hammerhead.

0:32:390:32:42

What's going to happen here?

0:32:420:32:43

Well, the Up has got a massive advantage because...

0:32:430:32:47

I think because it's front-engined, it looked better.

0:32:470:32:49

But look at that sneaky git on the inside there.

0:32:490:32:52

Three abreast. I don't how this is going to end.

0:32:520:32:54

This looks like a massive insurance claim in waiting, doesn't it?

0:32:540:32:57

So let's go through the Follow-Through...

0:32:590:33:01

Oh, that's rude! That's rude!

0:33:010:33:02

He's cut him right off at the nose there.

0:33:020:33:05

And that Smart just looks unstable to me... It looks so short.

0:33:050:33:08

So short. OK...

0:33:080:33:09

Oh, that's a buttock-clenching moment there.

0:33:090:33:13

But the Smart's got the run on the Twingo

0:33:130:33:15

heading down towards second-to-last.

0:33:150:33:17

Really unstable under breaks -

0:33:170:33:18

I don't know what they're playing at here.

0:33:180:33:20

I think the Twingo's got this wrapped up.

0:33:200:33:22

Second-to-last, Twingo runs wide. Carry... That's just rude!

0:33:220:33:25

OK, that's rude! So effectively, a moral victory to the Renault

0:33:250:33:28

because he had to get out of the way,

0:33:280:33:30

otherwise he'd have crashed into that Stig.

0:33:300:33:33

All right, now, because that got a bit out of hand,

0:33:390:33:42

we also got The Stig himself to lap all three cars.

0:33:420:33:45

Now, only the fastest one of the three earns a place

0:33:450:33:48

on the leaderboard, and that was the Smart in 1.49.1.

0:33:480:33:54

Which is...

0:33:540:33:56

a way down there. OK...

0:33:560:33:58

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:33:580:34:00

-I told you.

-All right, now...

0:34:050:34:07

Hold on, hold on. I want to talk about the internet

0:34:070:34:09

-for a second...

-Yes.

0:34:090:34:11

..because I hear that you and Chris Harris have the same

0:34:110:34:14

favourite website, which I've got to say, I find hard to believe

0:34:140:34:18

because I know Chris and he's disgusting!

0:34:180:34:21

Oh, we definitely do, then. No, I'm joking!

0:34:220:34:24

No, my favourite website is actually Auto Trader, bro.

0:34:240:34:28

-I love it. Do you love Auto Trader?

-Yeah, I'm addicted.

0:34:280:34:30

I love it. Ever since I've been a kid...

0:34:300:34:32

For me, I grew up in, like, a council estate, south-east London,

0:34:320:34:35

didn't have much, so being able to go online and look at all these cars

0:34:350:34:39

at all these ridiculous prices...

0:34:390:34:41

I used to type in "£200,000, £1 million,

0:34:410:34:45

"let's see what cars come up."

0:34:450:34:47

And you'd see all these rare cars, and I just...

0:34:470:34:49

I was obsessed with it. So, yeah, it's my favourite website.

0:34:490:34:51

-OK. And that's your favourite website, too?

-It is, yes.

0:34:510:34:55

To avoid any confusion, that is my favourite website.

0:34:550:34:58

What's you second...? No, never mind! Let's not do that.

0:34:580:35:02

Tinie, I heard you enjoy an Aston Martin.

0:35:020:35:05

Yeah, bro. I... Oh, God!

0:35:050:35:08

So I... Luckily, when they launched the One-77

0:35:080:35:12

they invited me down to be factory.

0:35:120:35:14

So they said to me, "Do you want to borrow one for a week?"

0:35:140:35:17

So I borrowed the Aston Martin Virage

0:35:170:35:20

and I remember rolling around like just the coolest kid in the world.

0:35:200:35:25

I was like 23 years old at the time

0:35:250:35:27

and I was dating this girl at the time,

0:35:270:35:30

and so when she saw the car, and she was in the car,

0:35:300:35:34

she got really, really giddy and excited.

0:35:340:35:36

And she said, "We should celebrate. We should..."

0:35:360:35:39

LAUGHTER

0:35:390:35:41

-Should what?

-Yeah.

-Should what?

-What? What? What?

0:35:410:35:44

Don't make this harder than it already is, please.

0:35:450:35:48

-But, yeah...

-Is that what you said to her?

0:35:480:35:50

Choose your words more carefully.

0:35:500:35:52

That Aston Martin badge, I told you.

0:35:580:36:00

Yeah, I felt like James Bond for, like, 20 seconds, which was great.

0:36:000:36:04

20 seconds?

0:36:040:36:06

The good thing is, they don't make the Virage any more

0:36:070:36:09

because I don't want to borrow one.

0:36:090:36:11

Yeah, don't ever buy... Like, if you see used one floating around,

0:36:110:36:14

-don't get that one.

-What do you think?

0:36:140:36:17

I think it's time to take a look at Tinie's lap around the track.

0:36:170:36:19

-Who wants to see that? AUDIENCE:

-Yeah!

0:36:190:36:22

-Let's do it. Yeah?

-How do you think it went? How did you think you did?

0:36:220:36:24

I think it was cool. I mean, I don't really know how I did.

0:36:240:36:27

And it was a swamp out there.

0:36:270:36:28

Yeah, the conditions were horrible, but I'm not going to be a moaner.

0:36:280:36:31

-I'm not going to make excuses.

-All right, let's take a look.

0:36:310:36:35

Off the line.

0:36:370:36:39

It's time to make the family proud.

0:36:390:36:41

It's a freezing day in England, but I'm actually sweating.

0:36:430:36:46

It's nerves, I've got gas today.

0:36:460:36:49

LAUGHTER

0:36:490:36:51

OK, well, you're using most of the circuit, that's good.

0:36:510:36:54

Third gear... Look, at the flooding there!

0:36:540:36:59

-Wetter than... What was going on there?

-Whoa!

0:36:590:37:02

That was properly lairy. A bit of understeer here. Get on the gas.

0:37:020:37:06

-A bit of oversteer on the exit.

-Come on, son!

0:37:060:37:09

You're letting it just dance around, aren't you?

0:37:090:37:12

-Braking hard now into Hammerhead.

-It's started to rain again.

0:37:120:37:16

You're really not...

0:37:160:37:18

Really trying to rain on my parade.

0:37:180:37:20

SCREECHING

0:37:220:37:24

Oi, oi! It's all about the smoothness, T.

0:37:240:37:27

It's all about the smoothness.

0:37:270:37:31

Smoother than a baby's bottom. Come on.

0:37:310:37:34

OK, coming down now to the Follow-Through.

0:37:340:37:36

This is going to be tough.

0:37:360:37:38

I think I've just farted out of nervousness.

0:37:380:37:41

I don't know what to say about that.

0:37:410:37:44

That is a massive moment!

0:37:440:37:47

Do you know what that face is? That the new underwear face.

0:37:470:37:50

So we're going to roll into Second-to-last.

0:37:500:37:52

It's slippery here. You got that one right that time.

0:37:520:37:55

Breaking hard, keeping it tight. Do you know what?

0:37:550:37:57

I think that was the toughest conditions so far

0:37:570:37:59

for any of our drivers over the line.

0:37:590:38:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:38:010:38:04

-That face!

-Are you happy with that? What do you think?

0:38:090:38:12

It's weird because it feels a lot faster than it looked on the screen.

0:38:120:38:16

-Yeah, always.

-So while I was driving, it felt way faster

0:38:160:38:19

and there it didn't really look that fast, but, I don't know.

0:38:190:38:21

Who knows, bro? I don't know.

0:38:210:38:23

Yeah, the same thing happens to me in performances.

0:38:230:38:25

It always looks a lot better when I'm doing it

0:38:250:38:27

then what it actually looks like.

0:38:270:38:29

You watch it back and you're like...

0:38:290:38:31

All right, now, the top of our leaderboard is still Max Whitlock,

0:38:310:38:34

the iconic gymnast. You give that guy a foam horse

0:38:340:38:37

covered in suede and he just gives you poetry. Is it not nice...?

0:38:370:38:40

-Incredible.

-But, because it was so wet, you have a wet time,

0:38:400:38:44

so you have to beat James McAvoy's time of 1.47.1.

0:38:440:38:48

Don't say it like, "You only have to beat..."

0:38:480:38:50

Don't say that.

0:38:500:38:52

OK, Tinie Tempah, you went around the track...

0:38:520:38:57

in one minute...

0:38:570:38:59

-50...

-Oh!

0:38:590:39:01

-Point four.

-Good effort.

0:39:010:39:03

That's a good effort.

0:39:030:39:05

Considerably wetter.

0:39:050:39:06

Considerably... Considerably wetter.

0:39:060:39:09

..three seconds slower out there for you. Yes, it was.

0:39:090:39:12

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:120:39:14

Yeah, that's solid. That's solid for those conditions.

0:39:140:39:17

Ladies and gentlemen, Tinie Tempah!

0:39:170:39:19

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:190:39:21

What a hero.

0:39:310:39:32

OK, now, earlier on you remember Chris was driving

0:39:320:39:35

the 1,500 horsepower Bugatti Chiron.

0:39:350:39:38

Which, so long as you have more money than Mark Zuckerberg,

0:39:380:39:41

-is pretty much as fast as you can go in a car.

-Yes, that's true.

0:39:410:39:44

But, of course, if you have more money than Mark Zuckerberg,

0:39:440:39:47

you're not limited to just cars.

0:39:470:39:49

So, since we had a day to kill with the Chiron,

0:39:490:39:52

we decided to have a little race.

0:39:520:39:54

It's the age-old question we've all pondered -

0:39:590:40:02

you're a billionaire oil mogul based in downtown Dubai,

0:40:020:40:06

you knock off work at lunch on a Friday,

0:40:060:40:08

or a Thursday as they do here, so what's the fastest way

0:40:080:40:12

to reach your luxury weekend retreat in the Omani mountains?

0:40:120:40:15

Car or not car?

0:40:150:40:18

-Hello.

-Well, I'm what they call suitably equipped, Matthew.

-Yeah.

0:40:240:40:28

I can't help noticing you have no transport.

0:40:280:40:32

Are you planning on walking to Oman?

0:40:320:40:34

No, no, no. Don't worry. Off you go.

0:40:340:40:36

I'll be the guy at the hotel bar with all the empty drinks

0:40:360:40:38

-in front of him.

-No, you're going to lose.

0:40:380:40:40

It's not possible to get anywhere faster than in this car.

0:40:400:40:44

Yeah, and what a car!

0:40:440:40:47

HE WHISTLES

0:40:470:40:48

Does come in men's?

0:40:490:40:51

You're better than that, you know you are.

0:40:510:40:53

-And, also, what's in that rucksack? Why's it so big?

-This?

0:40:530:40:56

My lunch.

0:40:560:40:59

Three, two, one, go.

0:40:590:41:01

-Oh, hang...

-You're going to lose.

-Wait, wait, wait!

0:41:010:41:04

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

0:41:040:41:06

-You're going to lose.

-I'm already in front of you!

0:41:060:41:09

Now, the winner of this billionaire's commute-off

0:41:160:41:18

would be the first to get from the heart of Dubai

0:41:180:41:21

to a luxury five-star retreat,

0:41:210:41:23

perched high in the mountains of neighbouring Oman.

0:41:230:41:26

And with Chris driving the Chiron,

0:41:260:41:29

I would have to travel by other means.

0:41:290:41:31

No driving.

0:41:310:41:33

I won't be driving.

0:41:330:41:34

Not one bit of driving.

0:41:340:41:37

I have a plan.

0:41:370:41:39

I think I can safely say I'm the only Chiron driving around

0:41:400:41:44

on the public highway in the world at the moment.

0:41:440:41:48

One of us is currently winning...

0:41:480:41:50

and it's not Joey!

0:41:500:41:52

Anyone can take a car.

0:41:530:41:55

A billionaire doesn't take a car.

0:41:550:41:58

So you are actually walking to Oman.

0:42:030:42:06

-Very luxurious.

-You're wasting time you don't have, keep going.

0:42:060:42:10

An angry small man in Dubai,

0:42:150:42:17

rocks up in his Chiron, says, "Hi," What a...

0:42:170:42:19

BEEPING

0:42:190:42:21

Unfortunately, I quickly encountered a problem unfamiliar to most

0:42:210:42:25

billionaires, rush hour.

0:42:250:42:27

There's about 19 lanes and yet everyone's stuck stationary.

0:42:270:42:31

-BEEPING

-Oh, come on!

0:42:310:42:33

Don't drive into me. This is worth 2 million quid.

0:42:330:42:37

'Silly Harris, you see, traffic was not something

0:42:370:42:39

'I needed to worry about.'

0:42:390:42:41

That's right, it's a boat.

0:42:410:42:44

'And this was just stage one of my four stage master plan.'

0:42:440:42:49

This is the frustrating part of the race

0:42:490:42:51

because we have to adhere to this five-knot speed limit.

0:42:510:42:54

Once we get out on the open water, we can pin it.

0:42:540:42:58

The Riva Rivarma is 44 feet long, costs £1 million -

0:42:580:43:02

half the price of Harris's car, which is only a third the length

0:43:020:43:06

of this boat, and he doesn't even have an onboard ice-maker.

0:43:060:43:11

Or a toilet.

0:43:110:43:12

He's in trouble.

0:43:140:43:15

Well, not quite...

0:43:150:43:17

Because when you're a billionaire for the day,

0:43:170:43:20

you can call in the odd favour.

0:43:200:43:22

SIRENS

0:43:220:43:24

Yes, yes, yes! Now, this is what I call a plan.

0:43:240:43:28

I'm being escorted out of Dubai at speed

0:43:280:43:32

behind a Dubai police i8.

0:43:320:43:35

There's a McLaren 570 ahead,

0:43:350:43:37

behind me, a Nissan-GTR - and to my left

0:43:370:43:42

is an Audi R8 V10 Plus. It has 610 horsepower.

0:43:420:43:47

That's 900 less than the one I'm in. 900 less!

0:43:470:43:52

This is cool!

0:43:530:43:54

'Whatever. See, I was now clear of the marina.

0:43:550:43:59

'Fast as you like.'

0:44:000:44:02

Oh, yeah, baby! That's the stuff right there.

0:44:020:44:05

PHONE RINGS

0:44:050:44:07

-Hello!

-Have you located some proper transport yet?

0:44:090:44:12

I can't really hear you too good.

0:44:120:44:14

It's a little windy out here on the sea.

0:44:140:44:17

-What are you on, a boat?

-Yeah.

0:44:170:44:20

Just having a good old time racing you.

0:44:200:44:24

I've got through the Dubai traffic by using a police escort

0:44:240:44:28

and I'm now heading towards the border.

0:44:280:44:31

I can't possibly see how you can win.

0:44:310:44:33

Yes, an hour in and with Admiral LeBlanc bobbing around in his boat,

0:44:350:44:40

I was well on my way to Oman.

0:44:400:44:42

Frankly, this wasn't much of a race after all.

0:44:420:44:45

Maybe I could just spend the next hour conjugating the verb "to win."

0:44:470:44:51

I win, you win, he, she or it wins...

0:44:510:44:55

we win, you win, they win...

0:44:550:44:58

Or you're Matt LeBlanc, and you lose.

0:44:590:45:02

What has Matthew got planned?

0:45:030:45:06

Well, since he asked, it was time for the second stage of my commute.

0:45:060:45:10

OK, here she is!

0:45:100:45:13

Now, that is the Bentley Mulsanne EWB.

0:45:130:45:18

Extended wheelbase.

0:45:180:45:19

Now, of course, I'm not driving.

0:45:250:45:28

'No, no. Like any good billionaire, I have a chauffeur -

0:45:280:45:32

'The Stig's Emirati cousin.'

0:45:320:45:35

OK, vamos!

0:45:350:45:37

Andiamo!

0:45:370:45:40

Allez?

0:45:400:45:41

Go!

0:45:420:45:43

Meanwhile, basking in my comfortable lead,

0:45:520:45:55

I had time to consider some of the Chiron's utter madness.

0:45:550:45:59

Remember when you were a kid and you'd get into cars

0:45:590:46:02

and always look how fast the speedometer read to?

0:46:020:46:05

And you'd assume that if a speedometer said 140,

0:46:050:46:08

the car could do 140?

0:46:080:46:10

Ha-ha! In the Chiron, the game is over.

0:46:100:46:13

This reads to 500 kilometres per hour.

0:46:130:46:17

That's 300 miles an hour.

0:46:170:46:19

How do you out-Chiron a Chiron? What do you do?

0:46:220:46:26

Come on.

0:46:280:46:30

Now, I had hit some traffic, but to be honest,

0:46:300:46:33

in the Mulsanne, it was hard to care.

0:46:330:46:36

Oh... Oh, yeah.

0:46:370:46:39

Yeah, it gives you a massage...

0:46:410:46:43

Oh... That is maybe the nicest car seat that was ever made.

0:46:460:46:52

Let's give him a call, see how old Chris is doing.

0:46:580:47:02

Hello?

0:47:020:47:03

Well, well, well, how are you?

0:47:030:47:05

Pretend you're not going to hear this...

0:47:050:47:07

-Super, please.

-Super?

-Super.

0:47:070:47:09

MATT LAUGHS

0:47:090:47:11

How many fuel stops have you made so far? Is this your second or third?

0:47:110:47:14

It's my first, don't be stupid.

0:47:140:47:16

'Where are you?'

0:47:160:47:17

I, my friend, am sitting in the back of

0:47:170:47:20

a beautiful Bentley Mulsanne EWB.

0:47:200:47:23

So, you've taken a boat to get in the back of a Bentley

0:47:230:47:28

that you know is slower than my car, and now you're

0:47:280:47:31

just going to drive all the way to Oman?

0:47:310:47:33

'I had you down as a clever man.'

0:47:330:47:35

I didn't say anything about driving all the way to Oman.

0:47:350:47:38

OK.

0:47:390:47:40

Oh, do you want some money? Do you want money?

0:47:400:47:43

'Yeah, you have to pay for that fuel.'

0:47:430:47:45

Hey, listen...

0:47:450:47:46

-PHONE BEEPS

-Oh, he's gone.

0:47:470:47:50

HE CHUCKLES

0:47:500:47:51

A small, angry man in Dubai

0:47:510:47:53

Rocks up in his Chiron, says, "Hi..."

0:47:530:47:55

With his mad little grin Cos he thinks he'll win...

0:47:570:48:00

BLEEP!

0:48:050:48:06

OK, my plan to avoid all of Dubai's traffic with the speedboat

0:48:090:48:12

had backfired, and after two hours of racing,

0:48:120:48:16

I was still stuck downtown,

0:48:160:48:18

while Chris was approaching Oman, 100 miles ahead of me.

0:48:180:48:22

Ah. The border.

0:48:240:48:26

Which looks strangely similar to the Mound Stand at Lord's.

0:48:260:48:32

What's going to happen here? Don't we just go through?

0:48:320:48:35

He's got a gun.

0:48:370:48:38

He's got a gun as well, actually, I didn't notice him.

0:48:390:48:42

What's going on here? Come on, let me through...

0:48:420:48:46

Yes! I'm liking the look of this!

0:48:500:48:52

You see...?

0:48:530:48:55

The Bugatti Chiron improves international relations -

0:48:550:48:59

just smile and look as if you are comfortable with what you're doing.

0:48:590:49:03

What's he doing? He wants me to wait here?

0:49:060:49:11

Or what? Wait here?

0:49:110:49:13

Good, OK, OK.

0:49:130:49:15

MEN CHATTER

0:49:160:49:19

So...

0:49:220:49:23

They're all tweeting and taking photos of the car.

0:49:240:49:27

-Hashtag - can I please get on with it?

-How are you, sir?

0:49:270:49:31

-Hello, how are you?

-Welcome back.

-Thank you. Hello.

0:49:310:49:35

-Sir, I've got to change this number.

-What?

0:49:350:49:38

So they're re-registering the car cos we've entered Oman.

0:49:400:49:44

This is a disaster, I've been here 30 minutes now.

0:49:440:49:47

Matt LeSmuggins is going to be...

0:49:470:49:50

I don't know where he is.

0:49:510:49:54

Well, I had finally reached stage three of my plan...

0:49:540:49:57

TYRES SCREECH

0:49:570:49:59

Thanks, Stig!

0:49:590:50:00

'..and really had some catching up to do.'

0:50:000:50:03

How are you?

0:50:030:50:04

Nice to see you. Hello.

0:50:040:50:07

OK. Did not plan on that much traffic.

0:50:070:50:12

Worse still, Chris had crossed the border into Oman.

0:50:120:50:15

'Luckily, stage three... was a good one.'

0:50:170:50:20

Ho-ho! There it is.

0:50:200:50:23

The Honda Jet, as in a jet made by Honda.

0:50:230:50:28

Howdy, boys. Let's go!

0:50:280:50:30

This thing's quick!

0:50:330:50:35

Oh, that's a steep climb.

0:50:370:50:38

Yeah, baby.

0:50:380:50:40

That's what I'm talking about.

0:50:410:50:43

Hey, how fast are we going?

0:50:450:50:46

-About 480mph.

-Maxed out, boom!

0:50:460:50:51

It's like we're rolling up here.

0:50:530:50:54

You know, somewhere down there there's a very small man

0:50:560:50:59

in a very fast car, and though that very small man

0:50:590:51:02

is still talking a very big game...

0:51:020:51:04

..deep down, deep, deep down,

0:51:050:51:08

that very small man knows very well that he is going to lose.

0:51:080:51:11

It's very sad.

0:51:130:51:15

That border check situation... that lost me a lot of time.

0:51:150:51:22

Come on, Mr Bugatti... We might just have to deploy a bit of your speed.

0:51:220:51:27

Meanwhile...at 15,000 feet...

0:51:270:51:31

the Honda Jet, £3.6 million, 20 years in the making.

0:51:310:51:37

Its ground-breaking overwing engine design

0:51:370:51:41

maximises performance and efficiency.

0:51:410:51:43

It comes with snacks too.

0:51:430:51:46

But what it all really adds up to is a great way to overtake a Chiron.

0:51:460:51:51

You're what...? You're in a Honda?

0:51:530:51:54

No, it's not a Civic.

0:51:560:51:58

No, it's not an Accord.

0:51:590:52:01

It's not the NSX either.

0:52:010:52:04

It's the Honda Jet.

0:52:040:52:05

Git! Utter git!

0:52:070:52:10

I can't even boast that I've got

0:52:120:52:14

the fastest, most expensive toy now, can I?

0:52:140:52:16

'The Honda had definitely put me back in the game.'

0:52:180:52:22

Making time, making time...

0:52:220:52:24

'But my one-hour flight would touch me down in Muscat,

0:52:240:52:28

'which was still a good 100 miles

0:52:280:52:30

'from the mountaintop finish line.

0:52:300:52:33

'So, Chris was technically still in the lead...'

0:52:330:52:36

Speed's dropping again.

0:52:360:52:38

'..for now.'

0:52:380:52:40

We're coming into another town.

0:52:410:52:44

It's becoming a pain, this.

0:52:440:52:46

You know when your brain tells you you just have to keep moving

0:52:480:52:51

when the traffic stops, so you dive off and take another route

0:52:510:52:54

and think that keeping moving is the thing...?

0:52:540:52:56

But it turns out to be rubbish?

0:52:560:52:58

Yeah, that's where I am now.

0:52:580:53:00

Matt's going to be quivering

0:53:020:53:03

when he finds out how fast I'm driving through here.

0:53:030:53:06

HE WHEEZES

0:53:070:53:09

This is ridiculous.

0:53:100:53:12

-SENSOR BLEEPS

-No, no, no, no, no...

0:53:120:53:14

This thing is two metres wide!

0:53:140:53:17

-YELLS:

-I hate this!

0:53:180:53:20

A-a-a-a-nd...touchdown.

0:53:210:53:25

Thanks a lot, take care.

0:53:250:53:27

'Stage four, it was time to open up the backpack.'

0:53:270:53:30

Excuse me one second, I'll be right back.

0:53:300:53:32

I've got to take care of something.

0:53:320:53:34

So, the rules said no driving...

0:53:380:53:41

HE CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY

0:53:410:53:43

Nobody said anything about riding.

0:53:430:53:45

This is the new Ducati 1299 Superleggera.

0:53:470:53:52

Hey, Chris, I don't know where you are or what you're doing,

0:53:540:53:59

but I'm pretty confident I'm going to win.

0:53:590:54:01

Now, I know what you're thinking, and, no,

0:54:010:54:03

your average billionaire

0:54:030:54:04

probably wouldn't finish their commute on a bike,

0:54:040:54:07

but that's probably because they haven't tried THIS bike.

0:54:070:54:11

The Superleggera will do 0-60 in about two and a half seconds,

0:54:150:54:19

which is the same as the Chiron.

0:54:190:54:22

The only difference is I don't need 1,500 horsepower to do it,

0:54:220:54:26

just a bit of bravery.

0:54:260:54:27

The top speed is 190-something miles an hour.

0:54:290:54:33

Now, some people will look at that and say,

0:54:330:54:35

"Well, that's just stupid,

0:54:350:54:37

"that's more speed than anyone would ever need."

0:54:370:54:40

To which I say, "Exactly."

0:54:400:54:42

A small, angry man in Dubai Rocked up in his Chiron, said, "Hi"

0:54:460:54:51

With a mad little grin He thought he could win

0:54:510:54:56

But at the bar in the mountains he'll cry.

0:54:560:54:58

That's it, that's the rhyme.

0:54:580:55:00

But as I made short work of my 100-mile ride from Muscat,

0:55:010:55:04

Chris had found his way back onto the open road.

0:55:040:55:07

Are you off the plane?

0:55:070:55:09

-Yeah, I'm on a bike.

-What do you mean, you're on a bike?

0:55:090:55:12

What bike?

0:55:120:55:13

Ducati 1299 Superleggera.

0:55:130:55:16

-You what?!

-Yeah, you better stand on it, buddy.

0:55:160:55:19

That bike is basically a personal teleportation device.

0:55:190:55:25

Thankfully, so is the Chiron.

0:55:250:55:27

Let's get a move on.

0:55:290:55:30

Now we're talking. A little bit of open road here.

0:55:330:55:36

Come on, push, push!

0:55:390:55:41

Come on! Come on! Come on!

0:55:430:55:45

Foot down.

0:55:470:55:49

-This thing's

-BLEEP

-fast!

0:55:490:55:51

Approaching the mountains from opposite sides,

0:55:510:55:53

we were entering the final stage of the race.

0:55:530:55:55

With no way of telling who was in front,

0:55:550:55:57

there was just one road up to the finish line...

0:55:570:56:00

Oh, look at that.

0:56:010:56:02

..and it was a good one.

0:56:020:56:05

This is about to get fun.

0:56:050:56:06

Wow!

0:56:110:56:12

Now this is a proper road!

0:56:140:56:16

Look at it, fantastic!

0:56:170:56:19

Now we're talking.

0:56:220:56:24

This is nice!

0:56:250:56:27

God, it goes left to right so good. It just holds the line perfect.

0:56:290:56:36

And I know this is a car show...

0:56:380:56:41

so you probably want the Chiron to win, but if it doesn't...

0:56:410:56:43

I mean, when... When it doesn't...

0:56:430:56:45

..don't blame the car... blame Harris.

0:56:460:56:48

I don't know if I'm hunting him down and catching him

0:56:500:56:53

or maybe he's catching me.

0:56:530:56:54

I don't see that big gold Bugatti in my mirror.

0:56:570:57:01

Got to be in front. He's got to be.

0:57:010:57:04

-Come on! Come on! Come on!

-Please let me be ahead of him!

0:57:040:57:09

Please let me be ahead of him!

0:57:090:57:12

Come on, push, push!

0:57:120:57:13

Push, LeBlanc!

0:57:130:57:15

Come on, Mr Chiron! We have to win this!

0:57:170:57:21

This is it, this is it.

0:57:230:57:25

OK, thanks, buddy.

0:57:310:57:32

Where is he?

0:57:350:57:37

That's it, that's the spot.

0:57:370:57:39

He's small, but he's not that small, I don't see him.

0:57:410:57:45

I think we have a winner!

0:57:470:57:48

Oh, yes, that's what I'm talking about, look at that view!

0:57:500:57:54

Harris is going to be so mad.

0:57:560:57:58

I can't wait to see the look on his little...

0:57:580:58:01

..bald face.

0:58:020:58:04

There you go... Have a Chiron. And no-one there.

0:58:080:58:12

I think we've got this, boys. I think we've got...

0:58:120:58:15

Oh, come on, no.

0:58:150:58:17

Welcome to Oman! HE LAUGHS

0:58:170:58:20

-No!

-How are you, my friend?

0:58:200:58:22

Why so slow...bro?

0:58:220:58:25

And I'd even thought of my line!

0:58:250:58:27

-MATT CHUCKLES

-Oh...

0:58:270:58:29

What was your line?

0:58:290:58:31

It's like you're always stuck in second gear,

0:58:310:58:33

which looking at it now wasn't very funny, was it?

0:58:330:58:35

-I was stuck in top gear, my friend.

-Yes, well done. Well done.

0:58:350:58:40

-MATT LAUGHS

-Oh!

-Oh, yeah.

0:58:400:58:44

I can't believe I lost.

0:58:440:58:46

You didn't lose.

0:58:460:58:48

If you say I just came second, I'll throw you off that balcony.

0:58:480:58:50

-No, no, no.

-OK.

0:58:500:58:52

No, you lost. CHRIS LAUGHS

0:58:520:58:56

No! Just get me a beer.

0:58:560:58:58

Cheers.

0:58:580:58:59

That's a good beer.

0:59:010:59:03

It never tastes as good as a winning beer, though, does it?

0:59:030:59:05

-You want to try that one?

-Yeah.

0:59:050:59:07

Thank you.

0:59:070:59:09

Oh, yeah, that's better.

0:59:100:59:12

MATT SPITS Oh!

0:59:120:59:15

You just missed the sunset, it was beautiful.

0:59:180:59:22

We could have held hands and everything.

0:59:220:59:24

CHRIS LAUGHS

0:59:240:59:27

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:59:300:59:33

So close. So, so close.

0:59:380:59:41

That was so close.

0:59:410:59:42

You know, I think if it wasn't for that border crossing,

0:59:420:59:44

you would have had me.

0:59:440:59:45

Well, the border crossing and the fact that I had my own jet.

0:59:450:59:49

-Look, I'm gutted, but I made the Chiron look good value.

-What?!

0:59:490:59:54

Well, add up the cost of the boat,

0:59:540:59:57

the limo and then the plane and the bike... How much is that?

0:59:571:00:00

-About £5 million.

-OK.

1:00:001:00:02

Double the price of the Chiron and I only lost by a couple of minutes.

1:00:021:00:05

-You still lost.

-Mm.

-Or, or...

1:00:051:00:08

I maximised my time in the most extraordinary car of the millennium.

1:00:081:00:12

Ah! No, you lost.

1:00:121:00:15

On next week's show,

1:00:151:00:17

a motorsport battle as we find out who's quickest...

1:00:171:00:20

Chris Harris or Sabine Schmitz?

1:00:201:00:22

And an American man drives an American car in America.

1:00:221:00:26

Yes, he does, the Ford GT.

1:00:261:00:29

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-That's right.

1:00:291:00:30

-We will see you then. Good night.

-Night.

1:00:301:00:33

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:00:331:00:36

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