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This film contains very strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:09 | |
FOOTSTEPS | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
BIRD WINGS FLUTTER | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
Good evening. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:38 | |
I'm from Essex, in case you couldn't tell. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:47 | |
My given name is Dickie. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:50 | |
I come from Billericay, and I'm doing... | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
..very well! | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
# Had a love affair with Nina in the back of my Cortina | 0:01:00 | 0:01:04 | |
# A seasoned-up hyena could not have been more obscener | 0:01:04 | 0:01:09 | |
# She took me to the cleaners and other misdemeanours | 0:01:09 | 0:01:13 | |
# But I got right up between her Rum and her Ribena | 0:01:13 | 0:01:18 | |
# You ask Joyce and Vicky | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
# If candyfloss is sticky | 0:01:22 | 0:01:26 | |
# I ain't a blinking thicky | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
# I'm Billericay Dickie | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
# And I'm doing very well | 0:01:31 | 0:01:35 | |
# I bought a lot of brandy | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
# When I was courting Sandy | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
# Took eight to make her randy | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
# And all I had was shandy | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
# Another thing with Sandy | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
# What often came in handy | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
# Was passing her a Mandy | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
# She didn't half go bandy | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
# You ask Joyce and Vicky | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
# If I ever took the Mickey | 0:01:59 | 0:02:04 | |
# I ain't a common thicky | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
# I'm Billericay Dickie | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
# And I'm doing very well | 0:02:08 | 0:02:13 | |
# I rendezvous with Janet | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
# Quite near the Isle of Thanet | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
# She looked more like a gannet | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
# She wasn't half a prannet | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
# Her mother tried to ban it | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
# Her father helped me plan it "Go on, son" | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
# And when I captured Janet | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
# She bruised her pomegranate | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
# You ask Joyce and Vicky | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
# If I ever shaped up tricky... # | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
Tell him to shut that racket up! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
# And I'm doing very well! | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
# You should never hold a candle | 0:02:49 | 0:02:54 | |
# If you don't know where it's been | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
# The jackpot is in the handle | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
# On a normal fruit machine | 0:03:03 | 0:03:07 | |
# So, you ask Joyce and Vicky | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
# Who's their favourite brickie | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
# I ain't a common thicky | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
# I'm Billericay Dickie | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
# And I'm doing very well | 0:03:21 | 0:03:26 | |
# So, you ask Joyce and Vicky | 0:03:26 | 0:03:30 | |
# About Billericay Dickie | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
# I ain't a fucking thicky I'm Billericay Dickie | 0:03:35 | 0:03:40 | |
# And I'm doing very well. # | 0:03:40 | 0:03:44 | |
One, two, one... | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
MUFFLED MUSIC | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, hold on, hold on. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:13 | |
-Your timing's off, mate. -Well, you're out of tune. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
This ain't jazz. Learn to play drums and I'll learn to sing in tune. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
-Let's be nice, lads. -How can you tell if a stage is level? | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
Cos the drummer dribbles out of both sides of his mouth! | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
-Yeah, very bleedin' funny. -Not as funny as this, mate. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
-You're fucking fired! -What? | 0:04:26 | 0:04:27 | |
-Oh, not again! -Oh, yes! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
-Oh, I'll take the equipment, then. -All right. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
Your body odour smells like a fucking orang-utan on heat. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
You smell like your mother's cock and balls. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
Two fucking cymbals, mate. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
-Come on, then. -Who wants him out? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
BABY COOS | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
I've just given birth. Any chance you could keep the noise down? | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
Oh! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
It's a boy. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
You are so clever. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
I'll be in the kitchen, all right? | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
Now look what you done. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:12 | |
We're all on our own now, son. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
Now listen, you monkeys. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
Stories are what we tell ourselves | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
So, never let the truth get in the way of a good story. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:44 | |
Once upon a time, | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
in a mystical land far, far away, | 0:05:48 | 0:05:52 | |
well, Southend-on-Sea, | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
a young prince holidayed. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
His name was Ian Dury. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
He was handsome, healthy, highly intelligent. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:04 | |
And brilliant at swimming. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
AUDIENCE: Oh! | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Look at me. Weren't I a lovely little chap? | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
But in the pool, evil lurked. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:32 | |
Its name was polio. A waterborne contamination. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:42 | |
A virus, and when it gets into your system, you've had it. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:46 | |
Pay attention, chaps! | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
The polio virus, AKA, the crippler. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
It attacks the nervous system here, here and here. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
Makes you bloody nervous cos it can bloody well kill you! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
It inflames the brainstem, fucks with the spinal cord, | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
leading to paralysis and muscular wasting. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
Lock up your children. No-one is safe! | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
A monstrous epidemic. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
Daddy! | 0:07:24 | 0:07:25 | |
Bloody hell. It's the Muppets! | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
We are the band. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
You've got to be joking. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
We was going to call ourselves Cripple, Nigger, Yid, | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Chink and Dead Fish, | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
but we didn't get any bookings. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
Could you direct us to the artistes' dressing rooms? | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
Oh, you are so going to miss all of this. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
When we've made our millions and we're playing Hammersmith Odeon... | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
Why? Don't they have three inches of piss in the dressing rooms? | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
Nah, it's all shagpile carpets and extraordinary acoustics. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
# For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow... # | 0:08:57 | 0:09:02 | |
Oi. Did you hear the one about the dyslexic pimp | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
who set up a warehouse? | 0:09:04 | 0:09:05 | |
Go on, my son! | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
# And so say all of us. # | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
Yay! | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
Is Dad coming? | 0:09:14 | 0:09:15 | |
'Hey, what do you call a man with paper trousers?' | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
Russell. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
Hope you don't mind me saying so, Russell, but you are being a | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
rather miserable old cunt. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:24 | |
What do you think we should spend our money on? | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
I don't know. Birthday presents? Birthday hats? Birthday cards? | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
Hey, everyone! Let's give him the bumps! | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Let's give him the bumps! | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Well, I'd just like to say | 0:09:40 | 0:09:41 | |
that you've been a monumentally atrocious audience tonight, | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
apart from the faithful few at the front, it's the worst gig... | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Yes, a big hand for you lot. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
It's the worst gig we've ever played since Sidcup Crematorium. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
But we'd like to finish anyway with a song called Blackmail Man. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
-One! Two! -One, two. One, two, three, four! | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
Three! Four! | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
# I'm an Irish cripple, a Scottish Jew, | 0:10:04 | 0:10:05 | |
# I'm the blackmail man | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
# A raspberry ripple, a buckle my shoe, | 0:10:08 | 0:10:09 | |
# I'm the blackmail man | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
# A silvery spoon, a bubble and squeak | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
# I'm the blackmail man | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
# Well, I'm the blackmail man and I know what you do, every one of you | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
# I'm the blackmail man | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
# You make me sick, make me Tom and Dick | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
# Blackmail man, blackmail man... # | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
I wouldn't have booked 'em if I'd known. What a load of shite. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
Can't hold a tune. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:31 | |
Come on, Russell, get it right, you doughnut. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
-You're fucking shit! Get off! -Fuck off! | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
Russ! Where are you going? Russell, wait. Wait! | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
# Fraser and Nash pony and trap | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
# Up your 'arris, in your mince | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
# Hamptons don't leave fingerprints I'm the blackmail man. # | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
MIC FEEDBACK | 0:11:00 | 0:11:01 | |
Call that singing? You're shit! | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
Fuck off! | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
I'm more of an Emerson, Lake and Palmer man myself. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
I thought you were fucking great. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
Really? | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
Great as in celebrated, | 0:11:30 | 0:11:34 | |
illustrious, famous? | 0:11:34 | 0:11:38 | |
Or great as in large, fat, bloated? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:45 | |
Something you do to a nutmeg, perhaps? | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
Great as in great! | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
And I should know. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
I saw Jimi Hendrix before anyone. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
-Really? -Mm-hmm. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:57 | |
Tell me. Was Jimi... | 0:11:57 | 0:12:01 | |
nice? | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
Yeah. He was extremely polite. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
So, do you always wear those glasses? | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
For your protection, my dear. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
I am very, very good with women. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:18 | |
I used to live with me mum and her two sisters. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
I like women so much, | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
I used to think I was a repressed homosexual. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
But I'm not. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
Fortuitously, I am gorgeous to look at. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:38 | |
Can I tickle your tonsils, please, miss? | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
-Maybe. -Mmm. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
You have to be extremely polite. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
Oi, sling your hook. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
Just pay up what was agreed. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
I didn't agree to a bunch of spazzers from the mental home. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
You see, that's just not a very spiritual thing to say! | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
Well, have a look at your drummer! | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
What's the problem? | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
He can't leave the stage at the interval. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:06 | |
-So? -Well, it don't happen to fuckin' Pink Floyd, does it? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
And as for Long John Silver... Oi, mate, you puttin' it on? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:12 | |
-You didn't limp like that on stage. -Oh, no. On stage I try to hover. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
Look, I'm sure we can come to some friendly agreement. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
Yeah, we can agree you can't sing, you're past it | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
and you look like a Potato Jesus. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
-No offence. -None taken, you fat-ankled fucker. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:27 | |
Fat ankles? | 0:13:27 | 0:13:28 | |
I might be a fucking cripple, mate, but I'm dangerous, all right? | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
You want to sort out your inner calm. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
Nice one, Davey, go on. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
Go on, my son, get in there! | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
Russell. Russ, we need to talk about this. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:53 | |
There you are. There's your millions. Joke money, joke life. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
It's over, mate. We're going nowhere. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
-Russ, why do you have to say things like that? -I quit. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
Nobody quits. Quitting is not in the vocabulary. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
Yeah? What about "Fuck you, Ian"? Is that in the vocabulary? | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
-What did you say? -Nothing. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
Go on, then. Go on. I don't fucking need you. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
What do you mean? I write the music, I drive the van. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
I carry you up the stairs when you're pissed. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
I make the fucking sandwiches. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:23 | |
Can you drive? Yeah, see, she can drive. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
And I bet she can make fucking sandwiches and all. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
Russell, come on. Look, we're talking, mate. We're trying to talk! | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
Russell! | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
Right, you're fucking fired. You are, you're fired. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:35 | |
You didn't quit, you were fired! | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
-Yes? Do I know you? -No. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:57 | |
Well, do us a favour and fuck off, will you? | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
Hey, Ian, you know that geezer's a keys player. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
-That's not very polite, is it? -It's like being back at school. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
-Are you a groupie? -No, musician. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
-What do you play? -Oi. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:13 | |
Sorry about that. Where do you think you're going, you little monkey? | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
That was out of order back there. It's the drink, you know, so... | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
It's like bad breath for the mind. Someone said that you play keyboards. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:22 | |
-Yeah. -I play a little piano and guitar. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Oh, wow. Well, we don't have any little ones, only the big sort. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
-What's your name? -Chaz. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
-Chaz. -Chaz Jankel. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
Chaz Jankel? Very avant-garde. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
Tell you what. Why don't you come over tomorrow, hey? | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
After all, you know what they say. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
"The more interesting a man, the greyer his trousers." | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
But they also say, "You're never alone with schizophrenia." | 0:15:40 | 0:15:44 | |
So what the fuck do they know? | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
But it's true, we are all on our own, aren't we? | 0:15:46 | 0:15:50 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Oh, no, you're not! | 0:15:50 | 0:15:51 | |
Oh, yes, I am! | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Oh, no, you're not! | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
The young prince was. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:56 | |
He was going to die. Death was his bedfellow. | 0:15:56 | 0:16:01 | |
Some whispered, "Oh, it might be better after all. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
"I mean, what sort of quality of life?" | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
A cripple? A raspberry ripple? | 0:16:08 | 0:16:12 | |
COCKEREL CROWS | 0:16:12 | 0:16:16 | |
But in the morning, he was still there! | 0:16:16 | 0:16:21 | |
You see, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
but the size of the fight in the dog! | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
Magnificent! | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
Trouble is, there's no cure for it. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
Just like love. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:36 | |
There's no cure for that, neither. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
CAR HORN BLARES | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
Oi! Oi! Daddy's home! | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Your dad's here. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
And now, then, let's see what the old clot has got. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:18 | |
For you, Jemima darling... | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
Boing! | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
And for you, my son... | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
For your birthday. Better late than never. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
# Pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, PUM! # | 0:17:31 | 0:17:35 | |
So powerful no man could stop him. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
Rubbish. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:56 | |
DOOR CLOSES | 0:17:59 | 0:18:00 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
Don't make me angry. You won't like it when I'm angry! | 0:18:06 | 0:18:12 | |
Dr Banner, you're changing! | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
But with pain comes power! Hulk is strong! | 0:18:17 | 0:18:21 | |
..He doesn't need you turning up out of the blue bringing gifts. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
-He needs a father! -He's got a father. I'm his father. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:36 | |
He needs a father who's around! | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
I'm around! I mean, well, I come around. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
I was here when he was born, wasn't I? Just downstairs, I mean, | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
not a lot of fathers can say that! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
Found a couple that survived. There's only two left. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
He's been missing school. And stealing. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:57 | |
Well, that's all right. All boys do that. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
It's a boy thing, isn't it? A packet of fags, dirty magazine. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:05 | |
In fact, it's good. A sign of intelligence. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Shows a sensitivity about the world. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
-And he's being bullied. -By who? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
I told him not to retaliate. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
You don't want to do that. He wants to give 'em a bloody good smacking. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
Yeah, well, that's why he needs to come and stay with you for a while. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
No, no, no. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
He needs you at the moment. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:22 | |
Look, I'm on the verge of something, things are happening. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
I've been offered some work at the Academy. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
Good. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
One of us needs to earn and I can't do it stuck out here in the country. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
I've always encouraged you, Ian. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
Now it's your turn. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:47 | |
-Is Dad gone? -Left about an hour ago. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
Looks all right. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
Blimey! How many more steps? I'm not Sherpa bloody Tenzing. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
It's Oval Mansions. We get to live in a mansion together. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:28 | |
Catshit Mansions more like. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:31 | |
All right. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
What colour for the walls? Would you say white? | 0:20:58 | 0:21:02 | |
Nah, that's too institutional. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
-Blue, then? -No, too constitutional. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:09 | |
It should be...claret. Yeah. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:12 | |
Yeah, the colour of blood. Passion. And a sort of booze. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:17 | |
-You up for it? -Mm-hmm. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
I... | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
I can do anything. If you teach me. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
What's wrong? | 0:21:45 | 0:21:46 | |
Erm, we're going to have to switch places | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
cos I'm struggling to undo your buttons here with my dodgy left hand. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
Or you can do it, that would be very helpful. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
# I come awake | 0:22:11 | 0:22:12 | |
# With a gift for womankind | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
# You're still asleep | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
# But the gift don't seem to mind | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
# Rise on this occasion... # | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
Not too bad. Have you done this before? | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
# Halfway up your back | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
# Sliding down your body | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
# Touching your behind | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
# You look so self-possessed... # | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
Aw! | 0:22:44 | 0:22:45 | |
# I won't disturb your rest | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
# It's lovely when you're sleeping | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
# But wide awake is best | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
# Wake up and make love with me | 0:22:57 | 0:23:01 | |
# Wake up and make love | 0:23:01 | 0:23:05 | |
# Wake up and make love with me | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
# I don't want to make you | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
# I'll let the fancy take you | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
# And you'll wake up and make love | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
# You come awake | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
# In a horny morning mood | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
# And have a proper wriggle | 0:23:32 | 0:23:33 | |
# In the naughty naked nude | 0:23:35 | 0:23:39 | |
# Roll against my body | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
# Get me where you want me | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
# What happens next is private. # | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
What are you doing? | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
This is Denise. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:02 | |
Hello, Denise. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:04 | |
That's Baxter. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
Hello, Baxter. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Your door's unlocked. Mum's putting the kettle on. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:12 | |
Nice. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
Go on, then, off you pop. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
Thanks so much for this. So kind. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
-Takes quite a lot to make a home. -Yeah. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
"Home is the place, no matter what you've done, | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
"they have to let you in." That's what Ian says. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
-So you're a bass player? -Bass player, | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
sandwich-maker, personal manager. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
Sole driver of a van full of nutters. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
We're looking forward to having Baxter stay. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
Any time you need help we're here. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:47 | |
Yeah, um... | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
He's a little fussy, he doesn't like tomatoes, | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
-fruit of any kind, potatoes... -Like father like son, eh? | 0:24:53 | 0:24:57 | |
How old are you, Denise? | 0:24:59 | 0:25:02 | |
Erm, I'm almost 20. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
Oh! | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
-I'm sorry about that. -It was always heavy for me, too. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
DRUMS PLAY | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
-HE SHOUTS: -Is that Elvis Presley? | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Don't they teach you any classical history at school these days? | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
That's Gene Vincent. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Scramble-egged his leg in a bike accident. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
Him and Eddie Cochran | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
were the brightest stars in the firmament | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
when they climbed into a cab outside the Savoy, April 16th, 1960. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:55 | |
Two hours later, they hit a hairpin bend. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
Crash! | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
Eddie Cochran is lying dying in his own blood. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:09 | |
And who hands Sweet Gene his guitar that night outside the hotel? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:16 | |
A 14-year-old Marc Bolan, | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
who marries Pink Floyd's management secretary, | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
who signs me to Stiff Records. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
Shake my hand. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
You're only five steps away from greatness. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
-Stiff? -Stiff, yeah. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
Their motto is "If it ain't Stiff, it ain't worth a fuck!" | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
How's school? | 0:26:49 | 0:26:50 | |
Headmistress is a bit of a stuck-up old cow. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:52 | |
Oi, language. Bit of respect. Education's important. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:56 | |
Delacroix, French, Frenchman he was, painter, he said, | 0:26:57 | 0:27:01 | |
"Inspiration is getting to our studies at 9am." | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
Go on, hit it. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:07 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
You know what I'm talking about, | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
you barely said two words to the woman. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
You can't treat people like that. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:33 | |
Don't give me that load of old bollock. Bet and I have got | 0:27:33 | 0:27:34 | |
-a special relationship. -Exactly, she's your wife. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:36 | |
Yeah, based on love and trust and understanding. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
What, and taking the piss? You were really fucking rude, Ian. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:42 | |
It was the past, all right? It's a separate existence. | 0:27:42 | 0:27:45 | |
Anyway, I asked you to marry me, you keep saying no. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
This isn't a joke. You've got children. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:51 | |
You are never going to be separate. Do you understand that? | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
Excuse me, I'm trying to sleep. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
HE HUMS | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
# My old man was fairly handsome | 0:28:27 | 0:28:30 | |
# Later on he drove a Roller | 0:28:34 | 0:28:37 | |
# Chauffeuring for foreign men... # | 0:28:37 | 0:28:39 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:28:41 | 0:28:43 | |
Daddy! | 0:28:47 | 0:28:48 | |
# Perhaps he had to keep his distance | 0:28:50 | 0:28:53 | |
# My old man was fairly handsome. # | 0:28:57 | 0:28:59 | |
You all right, boy? | 0:29:03 | 0:29:05 | |
Come on. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:11 | |
Boxers always touch themselves on the side of the face to remind them | 0:29:11 | 0:29:13 | |
to keep their guard up. | 0:29:13 | 0:29:15 | |
That's it. Move your feet, come on. Move your feet, move about. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:19 | |
That's it. Keep moving about. | 0:29:19 | 0:29:22 | |
You're too square on. Move around the side. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
Good, orthodox, lovely. | 0:29:24 | 0:29:26 | |
All them southpaws should be buried at birth. | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
Where are you going? That's it, stand up. All right. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:30 | |
Now move about, on the balls of your feet if you can. | 0:29:30 | 0:29:32 | |
That's it. Plenty of that. Plenty of leg movement. | 0:29:32 | 0:29:36 | |
When you're ready, I want you to take a swing at me. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:39 | |
All right? Give me your best shot. Come on. | 0:29:39 | 0:29:41 | |
'All the best, mate, from your son.' | 0:29:44 | 0:29:46 | |
THEY CHANT: Turtle! Turtle! Turtle! Turtle! | 0:29:46 | 0:29:51 | |
WHISTLE BLOWS | 0:29:51 | 0:29:53 | |
What's all this? | 0:29:53 | 0:29:54 | |
You have to get up on your own. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:03 | |
That's the rule here, isn't it, children? | 0:30:03 | 0:30:05 | |
CHILDREN: Yes, Mr Hargreaves. | 0:30:05 | 0:30:06 | |
I'm not staying here. My daddy's coming to take me away. | 0:30:06 | 0:30:11 | |
Oh, your daddy, eh? Good for you. | 0:30:11 | 0:30:13 | |
'Shape up. You got to be brave, all right? | 0:30:19 | 0:30:21 | |
'No-one's taking liberties with you, boy. | 0:30:21 | 0:30:23 | |
'Give me your best shot, come on.' | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
All right? | 0:30:29 | 0:30:30 | |
No, you gotta stand on your own. | 0:30:33 | 0:30:35 | |
All right. | 0:30:39 | 0:30:41 | |
All right. Well done, son. You did good. | 0:30:41 | 0:30:45 | |
But no-one out there is going to help you. | 0:30:45 | 0:30:47 | |
Now that's seems harsh, I know, | 0:30:47 | 0:30:49 | |
but you're born on your own, you die on your own. | 0:30:49 | 0:30:52 | |
And in between, you earn your own respect. | 0:30:52 | 0:30:56 | |
Never give up, never. | 0:30:56 | 0:30:57 | |
And never step into a dead man's shoes. You know what that means? | 0:30:57 | 0:31:01 | |
It means you gotta do it for yourself. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:07 | |
Being the underdog with nothing to lose is the best place to start. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:11 | |
I'm doing pretty good at the moment, you know. Yeah? | 0:31:11 | 0:31:14 | |
I got one or two proper deals on the go. Money owed. | 0:31:14 | 0:31:18 | |
I got a nice penthouse in Old Victoria, I'm happy with me digs. | 0:31:18 | 0:31:21 | |
You should come and see me. Would you like that? | 0:31:24 | 0:31:29 | |
Would you? Yeah, I'd like that. | 0:31:29 | 0:31:31 | |
# My old man... # | 0:31:41 | 0:31:43 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:31:44 | 0:31:47 | |
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING | 0:31:54 | 0:31:57 | |
Dad? Dad? | 0:32:07 | 0:32:09 | |
-What time is it? -Lunchtime. | 0:32:11 | 0:32:14 | |
-Is that your mum? -It's the school on the phone. | 0:32:23 | 0:32:25 | |
It's the headmistress. | 0:32:25 | 0:32:27 | |
'Hello? Hello?' | 0:32:30 | 0:32:32 | |
Hello? | 0:32:32 | 0:32:33 | |
'This is Baxter's headmistress. Is that Mr Dury?' | 0:32:33 | 0:32:35 | |
Yes. Mr Dury speaking. Yes. | 0:32:35 | 0:32:37 | |
-'Are you aware that Baxter had school today?' -Mm-hm. -'Do you understand?' | 0:32:37 | 0:32:40 | |
Yeah. No, no, I do understand, yes. Yeah, of course. | 0:32:40 | 0:32:42 | |
'I'm sure I don't need to tell you how important it is...' | 0:32:42 | 0:32:45 | |
Yeah, no, I do understand, yes. Yes. Okey-dokey, yes. | 0:32:45 | 0:32:48 | |
'Well, it's all very well saying you understand, | 0:32:48 | 0:32:50 | |
-'but this is your son's future we're talking about.' -Mm-hm. | 0:32:50 | 0:32:52 | |
-'Your wife told me about...' -Mm-hm. Well... | 0:32:52 | 0:32:55 | |
-'And I want you to know that I'm not...' -You know what? | 0:32:55 | 0:32:56 | |
He was right. You are a bit of a stuck-up old cow. | 0:32:56 | 0:32:59 | |
-'I beg your pardon? How dare you!' -Tiddley poo, madam. | 0:32:59 | 0:33:02 | |
Snotty old maggot, she is. | 0:33:04 | 0:33:07 | |
Get the kettle on, will you? | 0:33:07 | 0:33:09 | |
Ta. | 0:33:18 | 0:33:19 | |
-Where's Denise? -She's gone out. | 0:33:23 | 0:33:26 | |
You're going to have to help me put me leg on, then. | 0:33:29 | 0:33:32 | |
Right, if you could... Come here. | 0:33:34 | 0:33:36 | |
Let me swing round, I'll put my arm round you. After three. One, | 0:33:36 | 0:33:41 | |
two, three. | 0:33:41 | 0:33:44 | |
That's it. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:46 | |
See me new leg? Look at that. | 0:33:46 | 0:33:49 | |
Phwoar. | 0:33:49 | 0:33:50 | |
Been waiting for that for ages. Beautiful. | 0:33:50 | 0:33:53 | |
You do that one, I'll do this one. | 0:33:53 | 0:33:56 | |
Get this underneath. | 0:33:56 | 0:33:57 | |
I'm still getting used to it myself, actually. | 0:33:57 | 0:34:00 | |
See what your old man has to go through every day? What a palaver. | 0:34:00 | 0:34:04 | |
"Dear Jemima, I've been working with a man called Chaz. | 0:34:06 | 0:34:10 | |
"If we do well, we will have disgusting ice cream. | 0:34:10 | 0:34:14 | |
"If we don't, we will cry. | 0:34:14 | 0:34:16 | |
"Boo-hoo! I can't wait for you to meet Denise. | 0:34:16 | 0:34:19 | |
"You should come up and visit sometime. | 0:34:23 | 0:34:25 | |
"Baxter's turning into a right little geezer. | 0:34:25 | 0:34:28 | |
"Always keep a strong heart in case of sadness. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:31 | |
"Love, your charming father, | 0:34:31 | 0:34:33 | |
"Dad, Nebbish, Clot." | 0:34:33 | 0:34:36 | |
-RADIO: -'I'm going to disagree with Nigel. | 0:34:36 | 0:34:37 | |
'The real shock here is the whole Sex Pistols | 0:34:37 | 0:34:40 | |
'swearing on television, Bill Grundy being sacked, | 0:34:40 | 0:34:42 | |
'it all turning into some sort of moral panic. | 0:34:42 | 0:34:45 | |
'I mean, these boys are the future. | 0:34:45 | 0:34:46 | |
'They're the voice of a young generation.' | 0:34:46 | 0:34:49 | |
Fucking Sex Pistols. Bollocks. | 0:34:49 | 0:34:51 | |
And he nicked my razorblade-earring idea and all, didn't he? | 0:34:51 | 0:34:54 | |
Turn it off, Den, will you? | 0:34:54 | 0:34:56 | |
'I'm sorry, Nigel, I'm sorry.' | 0:34:56 | 0:34:58 | |
If you get bitter, you have a strong heart. Remember? | 0:35:01 | 0:35:05 | |
Never let it be said that my failure went to me head. | 0:35:05 | 0:35:07 | |
"Swearing on the television | 0:35:09 | 0:35:12 | |
"is not funny and not fucking clever!" | 0:35:12 | 0:35:16 | |
Language. | 0:35:16 | 0:35:18 | |
First words my sister ever said were, "Fuck off, Dad." | 0:35:18 | 0:35:20 | |
Must be inherited. | 0:35:20 | 0:35:21 | |
Does she sack drummers, too? | 0:35:21 | 0:35:23 | |
Incredible Hulk doesn't swear, does he? | 0:35:23 | 0:35:25 | |
-He's got a moral compass. -That's right. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:27 | |
Moral compass? I'm an entertainer, not Christopher bleeding Columbus. | 0:35:27 | 0:35:29 | |
Oi, what do you think of that? | 0:35:29 | 0:35:31 | |
Nah, that's too, uh, too romantic. Here you go. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:33 | |
Is that all? | 0:35:33 | 0:35:35 | |
-It's been a slow week. -Ian? | 0:35:35 | 0:35:37 | |
Uh, too satanic. | 0:35:37 | 0:35:39 | |
Oi, oi, what's wrong with that one? | 0:35:39 | 0:35:41 | |
-You're always giving me that one. -Yeah, and? | 0:35:41 | 0:35:44 | |
We know all about that, Ian. | 0:35:44 | 0:35:46 | |
Oh, no, no, Chaz, Chaz, Chaz. That, | 0:35:46 | 0:35:48 | |
that is a riddle. It's a love song. It's a questioning. | 0:35:48 | 0:35:51 | |
It's a striving of the human soul. | 0:35:51 | 0:35:53 | |
It's just... It's called Sex, Drugs & Rock & Roll. | 0:35:53 | 0:35:56 | |
That's good. | 0:35:56 | 0:35:57 | |
-Mmmm, it's too obvious. -Tell him, Denny. | 0:35:57 | 0:35:59 | |
Look, it's a celebration. It's... | 0:35:59 | 0:36:01 | |
It's an anthem for all the outsiders, for all the uglies, | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
for all the freaks, you know, | 0:36:04 | 0:36:05 | |
who are slaving away every day in their shit shirts | 0:36:05 | 0:36:09 | |
and their shit shoes, trying to fit in. | 0:36:09 | 0:36:13 | |
"Is that all there is to life?" they ask. | 0:36:13 | 0:36:15 | |
And then, lo and behold... | 0:36:15 | 0:36:18 | |
HE HUMS | 0:36:18 | 0:36:22 | |
-Can you dance to that, Denny? -Yeah, if you dance with me. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:26 | |
You nicked that. | 0:36:26 | 0:36:27 | |
God, everyone's a critic these days, aren't they? | 0:36:27 | 0:36:30 | |
The immature artist plagiarises and the mature artist steals. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:33 | |
And I am about to grow up. | 0:36:33 | 0:36:35 | |
Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. | 0:36:41 | 0:36:43 | |
OK, how about... | 0:36:45 | 0:36:46 | |
See? Blue's your colour, you know that? | 0:36:48 | 0:36:51 | |
That's it. That's it. | 0:36:51 | 0:36:52 | |
# Grey is such a pity... # | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
Yeah! Look at you all! Look, look. | 0:36:58 | 0:37:00 | |
-You're magnificent! -You are going to be | 0:37:00 | 0:37:03 | |
-just like your dad. -No, no. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:05 | |
-A proper little geezer. -No. | 0:37:05 | 0:37:06 | |
-Baxter, come on. -Don't. | 0:37:06 | 0:37:08 | |
Baxter, stop fidgeting. | 0:37:08 | 0:37:09 | |
-Bax... -Stop it. | 0:37:09 | 0:37:11 | |
-Don't be such a baby. -Get off. | 0:37:11 | 0:37:12 | |
Who did that? | 0:37:16 | 0:37:18 | |
Boys. | 0:37:18 | 0:37:19 | |
Bigger boys. | 0:37:20 | 0:37:21 | |
They said I was posh. | 0:37:23 | 0:37:25 | |
Are we posh? | 0:37:26 | 0:37:27 | |
No, we're arts and crafts. | 0:37:29 | 0:37:31 | |
That's what we are. We're arts and crafts. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:34 | |
There. That's handsome, isn't it? | 0:37:40 | 0:37:42 | |
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS | 0:37:47 | 0:37:52 | |
Baxter! | 0:38:04 | 0:38:06 | |
There he is, here's my son. | 0:38:06 | 0:38:08 | |
These are all my friends. Say hi to Baxter, everybody. | 0:38:08 | 0:38:10 | |
Big round of applause for my son. | 0:38:10 | 0:38:12 | |
Baxter Front, I like to call him. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:14 | |
Listen, we haven't tried this one before. | 0:38:18 | 0:38:20 | |
It's a little experimentation. Oi, Chaz, let's start this up. | 0:38:20 | 0:38:22 | |
We'll go for the rock. We'll have White Face, Black Shirt, White Socks. | 0:38:22 | 0:38:25 | |
One, two, three, four. | 0:38:25 | 0:38:26 | |
# Who, who, who slapped John? | 0:38:26 | 0:38:28 | |
# White face, black shirt White socks, black shoes | 0:38:32 | 0:38:34 | |
# Black hair, white Strat, bled white, died black | 0:38:34 | 0:38:37 | |
# Sweet Gene Vincent | 0:38:37 | 0:38:40 | |
# There's one in every town | 0:38:40 | 0:38:43 | |
# And the devil drives | 0:38:43 | 0:38:44 | |
# Till the hearse arrives | 0:38:44 | 0:38:46 | |
# And you lay that pistol down... # | 0:38:46 | 0:38:47 | |
Just keep singing that last verse. | 0:38:47 | 0:38:49 | |
# Sweet Gene Vincent | 0:38:49 | 0:38:51 | |
# There's one in every town | 0:38:51 | 0:38:54 | |
# And the devil drives till the hearse... # | 0:38:54 | 0:38:56 | |
Keep singing! | 0:38:56 | 0:38:58 | |
# Sweet Gene Vincent... # | 0:39:00 | 0:39:02 | |
I hope you don't mind me saying, | 0:39:11 | 0:39:12 | |
but you are being a bit of a right old moody. | 0:39:12 | 0:39:14 | |
-We said we'd look after him, Ian. -Yeah, I know. He's my son. | 0:39:14 | 0:39:17 | |
-I've got him a driver and everything. -What, someone reliable? | 0:39:17 | 0:39:20 | |
-Yeah, yeah, of course. -Really? -I mean, the man was | 0:39:20 | 0:39:23 | |
a roadie with Led Zeppelin, for fuck's sake. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:25 | |
All right, Baxter? | 0:39:25 | 0:39:27 | |
I've got a little surprise for you. | 0:39:27 | 0:39:30 | |
Oh, speak of the devil, and he will appear. | 0:39:30 | 0:39:33 | |
Can you feel him slouching ever nearer? | 0:39:33 | 0:39:36 | |
Ooh, has Santa Claus come early this year? No... | 0:39:36 | 0:39:39 | |
No, it's the Sulphate Strangler! | 0:39:39 | 0:39:43 | |
# The sons of the prophet were brave men and bold | 0:39:54 | 0:39:58 | |
# And quite unaccustomed to fear | 0:39:58 | 0:40:01 | |
# But the bravest by far in the ranks of the Shah | 0:40:01 | 0:40:04 | |
# Was Abdul Abulbul Amir | 0:40:04 | 0:40:06 | |
# One day, this bold Russian | 0:40:06 | 0:40:09 | |
# He shouldered his gun | 0:40:09 | 0:40:11 | |
# And donned his most truculent sneer | 0:40:11 | 0:40:14 | |
# Downtown he did go where he trod on the toe | 0:40:14 | 0:40:18 | |
# Of Abdul Abulbul Amir. # | 0:40:18 | 0:40:21 | |
-Watch it! -Oh, shit! Oh, sorry. | 0:40:24 | 0:40:26 | |
Lovely. | 0:40:30 | 0:40:31 | |
You all right, Dad? | 0:41:32 | 0:41:33 | |
'I'm doing pretty good at the moment, you know. | 0:41:53 | 0:41:56 | |
'You should come and see me. | 0:41:56 | 0:41:59 | |
'Would you like that?' | 0:41:59 | 0:42:00 | |
ENGINE REVS | 0:43:08 | 0:43:09 | |
# The sons of the prophet were brave men and bold | 0:43:12 | 0:43:14 | |
# And quite unaccustomed to fear... # | 0:43:14 | 0:43:16 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:43:16 | 0:43:18 | |
Your mum told your dad to tell me to make sure you went in. | 0:43:20 | 0:43:23 | |
-Now, go on. -I look like a prick. | 0:43:23 | 0:43:26 | |
Well, that went well, then. | 0:43:45 | 0:43:48 | |
Come on. | 0:43:48 | 0:43:49 | |
-Did you? -Don't shout at me! | 0:43:57 | 0:43:58 | |
I'm not shouting. Who's shouting? | 0:43:58 | 0:44:00 | |
Did you or did you not try and sell my typewriter? | 0:44:01 | 0:44:03 | |
How would you know? Cos it says in here, | 0:44:03 | 0:44:05 | |
"For sale, Ian Dury's fucking typewriter"! | 0:44:05 | 0:44:08 | |
All right, I did it. | 0:44:08 | 0:44:09 | |
-I admit it, all right? -Hello? | 0:44:09 | 0:44:11 | |
Ian, we need to work. | 0:44:12 | 0:44:14 | |
But you know what, Ian? No-one fucking wanted it. | 0:44:14 | 0:44:16 | |
I am not your fucking pet, all right? | 0:44:16 | 0:44:19 | |
-That's what it's about, is it? -I'm as hungry for this as you are. | 0:44:19 | 0:44:21 | |
Oh, boo. The green-eyed monster's coming out, is it? | 0:44:21 | 0:44:25 | |
The world doesn't revolve around you! | 0:44:25 | 0:44:27 | |
Oh, I think you'll find it fucking does. | 0:44:27 | 0:44:30 | |
How was school? | 0:44:30 | 0:44:32 | |
OK. | 0:44:32 | 0:44:34 | |
-Fuck you! -Feeling left out, are you? | 0:44:34 | 0:44:37 | |
-Double fuck you. -Oh, fucking hell, that hurt. | 0:44:37 | 0:44:40 | |
Write some lines! I will show more respect! | 0:44:40 | 0:44:43 | |
And I'm doing all this fucking work, all this work | 0:44:43 | 0:44:46 | |
for the family, right? You and me. You and me, it's for us. | 0:44:46 | 0:44:49 | |
Oh, God. | 0:44:52 | 0:44:54 | |
Bloody hell, you fight like a bloke, Denny. | 0:44:54 | 0:44:56 | |
Oh, great. Broke me new leg. | 0:45:00 | 0:45:02 | |
Can you help me take it off, please? | 0:45:04 | 0:45:06 | |
Ian? Hello? | 0:45:06 | 0:45:08 | |
Everything you do is for the family, is it, Ian? | 0:45:10 | 0:45:12 | |
-Yeah, yeah. -Right, that's fucking bollocks. | 0:45:12 | 0:45:15 | |
Everything you do is for you, on your terms. | 0:45:15 | 0:45:18 | |
And if the rest of us happen to fit along, | 0:45:18 | 0:45:20 | |
then that is a fucking bonus. | 0:45:20 | 0:45:22 | |
Is that what you think, is it? | 0:45:22 | 0:45:23 | |
-Yeah, that's what I think. -Yeah? Is that what you really think? | 0:45:23 | 0:45:26 | |
Cos if that's right, | 0:45:27 | 0:45:29 | |
well, you better fuck off, then, because do you know what? | 0:45:29 | 0:45:31 | |
I can't handle this. I can't handle this. | 0:45:31 | 0:45:32 | |
I'm on a flow at the moment, right? I'm right in it. I'm right inside it. | 0:45:32 | 0:45:36 | |
And you're getting right inside my brain, | 0:45:36 | 0:45:37 | |
when I'm on one, and I won't have it, all right? | 0:45:37 | 0:45:39 | |
So if you can't handle it, then fuck off. | 0:45:39 | 0:45:41 | |
You think you can do without me, do you, Ian? | 0:45:43 | 0:45:45 | |
-Yeah. -Really? | 0:45:45 | 0:45:47 | |
Walk away. | 0:45:50 | 0:45:52 | |
Can I have me leg back? | 0:45:52 | 0:45:55 | |
Oi, don't leave me on the floor. I'm a raspberry. | 0:45:55 | 0:45:57 | |
Nice throw. | 0:46:03 | 0:46:04 | |
Just... | 0:46:07 | 0:46:09 | |
Got it! | 0:46:09 | 0:46:11 | |
Fuck! Fuck! | 0:46:13 | 0:46:14 | |
We can rebuild him. | 0:46:16 | 0:46:18 | |
Woo-hoo-hoo! | 0:46:18 | 0:46:19 | |
He just needs a bit of distance. | 0:46:24 | 0:46:26 | |
I'm either too close or not far enough away. | 0:46:26 | 0:46:28 | |
Denise, what... | 0:46:30 | 0:46:31 | |
What happened to him, happened a long time ago. | 0:46:33 | 0:46:36 | |
There's nothing we can do about it now. | 0:46:36 | 0:46:38 | |
Everyone has their weakness. | 0:46:40 | 0:46:42 | |
It's just that his weakness is so obvious, | 0:46:43 | 0:46:47 | |
he doesn't need to worry about it. | 0:46:47 | 0:46:49 | |
But what about me? | 0:46:50 | 0:46:52 | |
What am I supposed to do? | 0:46:53 | 0:46:55 | |
My weakness is loving him. | 0:46:55 | 0:46:57 | |
Dad's home. | 0:47:08 | 0:47:09 | |
I'm knocking 40. | 0:47:13 | 0:47:15 | |
I'm a bit of a shorty. | 0:47:16 | 0:47:19 | |
Little bit haughty, a bit nutty, a bit naughty... | 0:47:19 | 0:47:22 | |
Enough with the rhyming couplets. | 0:47:22 | 0:47:24 | |
Look, I will pay front money for the room, | 0:47:24 | 0:47:26 | |
proper wedge. You can be the stern landlady, | 0:47:26 | 0:47:30 | |
with the surgical stockings and the twinkle in her eye... | 0:47:30 | 0:47:32 | |
-This is serious. -I will be generally a domestic god for the duration. | 0:47:32 | 0:47:36 | |
I promise. Please. | 0:47:36 | 0:47:38 | |
Oh, come on, Bet, just this once. | 0:47:38 | 0:47:40 | |
I've got work. | 0:47:40 | 0:47:42 | |
All right? | 0:47:47 | 0:47:48 | |
Faster. Cured. | 0:47:52 | 0:47:56 | |
Healthy. | 0:47:56 | 0:47:58 | |
WHISTLE BLARES | 0:47:58 | 0:48:00 | |
Up, up, up! | 0:48:00 | 0:48:03 | |
Sliders out first, then walkers. Legs and hands on! | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
Come on! Come on, let's be having you. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:10 | |
Oi, get a move on. | 0:48:10 | 0:48:11 | |
Up, up, up! | 0:48:14 | 0:48:16 | |
Oi, Dury, get on with it. | 0:48:17 | 0:48:19 | |
Oh! Oh! | 0:48:30 | 0:48:32 | |
Shitter! | 0:48:32 | 0:48:34 | |
-THEY CHANT: -Shitter, shitter, shitter! | 0:48:34 | 0:48:37 | |
-Faster. Cured. -Shitter, shitter. | 0:48:37 | 0:48:40 | |
Shitter, shitter. | 0:48:40 | 0:48:42 | |
-Faster. -Shitter, shitter. | 0:48:42 | 0:48:44 | |
-Cured. -Shitter, shitter. | 0:48:44 | 0:48:46 | |
-Shitter, shitter. -All right, all right! | 0:48:46 | 0:48:48 | |
Get a move on! | 0:48:48 | 0:48:49 | |
Where's your daddy now? | 0:48:54 | 0:48:56 | |
Healthier. Improving. | 0:49:03 | 0:49:07 | |
Greenness, cured. | 0:49:07 | 0:49:09 | |
Frustration. Stagger. | 0:49:09 | 0:49:12 | |
Stun! | 0:49:12 | 0:49:14 | |
Knock one down | 0:49:15 | 0:49:18 | |
with a feather, clever... | 0:49:18 | 0:49:21 | |
Clever Trevor. | 0:49:21 | 0:49:23 | |
See, the English language | 0:49:23 | 0:49:25 | |
is a gloriously sophisticated smorgasbord of words and phrases. | 0:49:25 | 0:49:30 | |
Songwriting's really not that complicated. | 0:49:30 | 0:49:32 | |
It's all about the verbals. I'll go first. | 0:49:32 | 0:49:36 | |
Cock. | 0:49:36 | 0:49:38 | |
Your turn. | 0:49:38 | 0:49:39 | |
-Willy. -Dick. | 0:49:39 | 0:49:41 | |
-Knob. -Love truncheon. | 0:49:41 | 0:49:43 | |
-Dong. -Meat and two veg. | 0:49:43 | 0:49:46 | |
Um... | 0:49:46 | 0:49:48 | |
Come on, keep them coming. | 0:49:48 | 0:49:50 | |
-Rhythm stick. -Chopper. | 0:49:50 | 0:49:52 | |
-Old man. -Pork sword. | 0:49:52 | 0:49:55 | |
One-eyed trouser snake. | 0:49:55 | 0:49:56 | |
Ah! | 0:49:56 | 0:49:58 | |
Look at you all, look. Bloody marvellous. | 0:49:58 | 0:50:00 | |
I love being in the warm bosoms of my family. | 0:50:00 | 0:50:04 | |
You know why? | 0:50:04 | 0:50:06 | |
Because... | 0:50:06 | 0:50:08 | |
I love warm bosoms. | 0:50:08 | 0:50:09 | |
Dad... | 0:50:09 | 0:50:11 | |
Come on, dinner's on the table. | 0:50:11 | 0:50:13 | |
Come on, then. Touch me again and I'll punch your head in. | 0:51:20 | 0:51:24 | |
Kick your head in. Kick your head in! | 0:51:24 | 0:51:26 | |
Touch me again and I'll kick your fucking teeth | 0:51:26 | 0:51:29 | |
so far down your Gregory Peck, | 0:51:29 | 0:51:31 | |
you'll be able to eat out of your Khyber Pass! | 0:51:31 | 0:51:32 | |
-Fuck me, look who it is. -Fuck off! | 0:51:32 | 0:51:34 | |
Dreary Dury, the Dancing Durex. | 0:51:34 | 0:51:36 | |
-Don't get snotty on me, posh boy. -Leave me alone. | 0:51:36 | 0:51:39 | |
Yeah, walk away! Fuck off! | 0:51:39 | 0:51:41 | |
Going to get your Spazzy Joe dad to come and save you? | 0:51:41 | 0:51:42 | |
Cos guess what? We don't give a shit who he is. | 0:51:42 | 0:51:44 | |
-Fucking spaz. -What's his name again? | 0:51:44 | 0:51:46 | |
-Captain Cripple the Raspberry Ripple! -Fuck off. | 0:51:46 | 0:51:48 | |
Who the fuck do you think you are? | 0:51:48 | 0:51:50 | |
You learnt some words, have you? Proper little villain. | 0:51:50 | 0:51:52 | |
All right, Bax? | 0:51:57 | 0:51:59 | |
All right, Strang? | 0:51:59 | 0:52:01 | |
You know you've got blood coming out of your nose? | 0:52:01 | 0:52:03 | |
"Who awoke the sleeping tiger? | 0:52:11 | 0:52:14 | |
"It was thee. | 0:52:15 | 0:52:17 | |
"The dormant devil did no harm... | 0:52:18 | 0:52:22 | |
"..except to me. | 0:52:24 | 0:52:26 | |
"The writer sat, scratching his arse... | 0:52:28 | 0:52:33 | |
.."wishing he wasn't middle class..." | 0:52:34 | 0:52:37 | |
I've met someone else. | 0:52:54 | 0:52:56 | |
What, around here? You want to be careful. | 0:52:56 | 0:52:59 | |
He's Welsh. | 0:53:01 | 0:53:03 | |
-He does ceramics. -Oh, pottery sheep? | 0:53:03 | 0:53:06 | |
We should think about getting a divorce. | 0:53:08 | 0:53:10 | |
No. | 0:53:10 | 0:53:12 | |
No. | 0:53:12 | 0:53:14 | |
It would be better for you, better for the kids, better for Denise. | 0:53:14 | 0:53:17 | |
That's far too logical. | 0:53:17 | 0:53:19 | |
No, Bet, that would be just like tossing everything away. | 0:53:21 | 0:53:26 | |
-Don't do this, Ian. -I love you. | 0:53:26 | 0:53:28 | |
I know you love me. | 0:53:28 | 0:53:30 | |
But you don't need me. | 0:53:32 | 0:53:34 | |
There's someone else who needs me. | 0:53:39 | 0:53:41 | |
HE KNOCKS | 0:54:01 | 0:54:03 | |
Hello. | 0:54:07 | 0:54:09 | |
Welcome home. | 0:54:09 | 0:54:11 | |
-I missed you. -Oh, I missed you, too. | 0:54:11 | 0:54:14 | |
You have painted. | 0:54:31 | 0:54:34 | |
Mm-hm. Freshen it up. | 0:54:34 | 0:54:36 | |
I thought it was looking a bit jaded. | 0:54:37 | 0:54:39 | |
-You don't like it, do you? -I didn't say that. | 0:54:45 | 0:54:48 | |
But you don't. | 0:54:50 | 0:54:51 | |
It's all very... | 0:54:58 | 0:55:00 | |
..white. | 0:55:02 | 0:55:04 | |
CROWD CHEERS | 0:55:07 | 0:55:10 | |
Knock, knock. | 0:55:22 | 0:55:24 | |
Who's there? | 0:55:28 | 0:55:30 | |
We got some great tunes. | 0:55:35 | 0:55:36 | |
Now all we need is a band with a drummer I can't sack. Hit me! | 0:55:36 | 0:55:40 | |
-One. -Two! -Three. -Four! | 0:55:40 | 0:55:41 | |
# You must have seen parties of Blockheads | 0:55:47 | 0:55:50 | |
# With blotched and lagered skin | 0:55:50 | 0:55:52 | |
# Blockheads with food particles in their teeth | 0:55:53 | 0:55:55 | |
# What a horrible state they're in | 0:55:55 | 0:55:58 | |
# They've got womanly breasts under pale mauve vests | 0:55:58 | 0:56:01 | |
# Shoes like dead pigs' noses | 0:56:01 | 0:56:04 | |
# Cornflake packet jacket Catalogue trousers | 0:56:04 | 0:56:07 | |
# A mouth what never closes | 0:56:07 | 0:56:10 | |
# You must have seen Blockheads in raucous teams | 0:56:10 | 0:56:13 | |
# Dressed up after work | 0:56:13 | 0:56:16 | |
# Who screw their poor old Eileens | 0:56:16 | 0:56:19 | |
# Get sloshed and go berserk | 0:56:19 | 0:56:21 | |
# Rotary access watches | 0:56:22 | 0:56:25 | |
# Hire-purchase signet rings | 0:56:25 | 0:56:28 | |
# A beauty to the bully boys | 0:56:28 | 0:56:31 | |
# No lonely vestige clings | 0:56:31 | 0:56:33 | |
# Blockheads Oi! | 0:56:33 | 0:56:35 | |
# Blockheads Oi! | 0:56:35 | 0:56:36 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:36 | 0:56:38 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:38 | 0:56:39 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:39 | 0:56:40 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:40 | 0:56:42 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:42 | 0:56:44 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:44 | 0:56:45 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:45 | 0:56:46 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:46 | 0:56:48 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:48 | 0:56:49 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:49 | 0:56:51 | |
# Blockheads Oi! Oi! | 0:56:51 | 0:56:52 | |
# Blockheads | 0:56:52 | 0:56:54 | |
# Blockhead, Blockhead, Blockhead, Blockhead, Blockhead! # | 0:57:09 | 0:57:15 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Ian! Ian! Ian! | 0:57:15 | 0:57:18 | |
BLOWS WHISTLE | 0:57:18 | 0:57:19 | |
Oh, this is it. Just on the right. Pull in here. | 0:57:22 | 0:57:25 | |
Oh, my life! God, it hasn't changed one little iota. | 0:57:35 | 0:57:38 | |
Right, then, Chris. | 0:57:54 | 0:57:56 | |
-Let's get this done before we attract too much attention. -OK, Ian. | 0:57:56 | 0:57:59 | |
-Nice. -Oi! What are you doing? | 0:58:04 | 0:58:06 | |
-I'm bored. -Only boring people get bored. | 0:58:06 | 0:58:09 | |
Go on, off you go. | 0:58:09 | 0:58:10 | |
Baxter, I'm not going to tell you again. | 0:58:13 | 0:58:15 | |
Couple of more poses. | 0:58:17 | 0:58:18 | |
Come on, Baxter, I'm working. | 0:58:22 | 0:58:23 | |
Hold it. Hold it there. | 0:58:25 | 0:58:27 | |
Got it. | 0:58:29 | 0:58:30 | |
Go on, off you go, son. | 0:58:31 | 0:58:33 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, | 0:58:36 | 0:58:38 | |
please welcome the jewel in the English crown, | 0:58:38 | 0:58:40 | |
Mr Ian Dury! | 0:58:40 | 0:58:42 | |
One, two, three, four! | 0:58:48 | 0:58:50 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 0:58:50 | 0:58:52 | |
# Are all my brain and body need | 0:58:54 | 0:58:56 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 0:58:58 | 0:59:00 | |
# Is very good indeed | 0:59:05 | 0:59:07 | |
# Every bit of clothing ought to make you pretty | 0:59:07 | 0:59:11 | |
# You can cut the clothing Grey is such a pity | 0:59:11 | 0:59:15 | |
# I should wear the clothing of Mr Walter Mitty | 0:59:15 | 0:59:19 | |
# See my tailor, he's called Simon I know it's going to fit | 0:59:19 | 0:59:24 | |
# Here's a little bit of advice | 0:59:27 | 0:59:30 | |
# You're quite welcome, it is free | 0:59:30 | 0:59:32 | |
# Don't do nothing that is cut price | 0:59:32 | 0:59:34 | |
# You know what it'll make you be | 0:59:34 | 0:59:36 | |
# They will try their tricky device | 0:59:36 | 0:59:38 | |
# Trap you with the ordinary | 0:59:38 | 0:59:40 | |
# Get your teeth into a small slice | 0:59:40 | 0:59:43 | |
# The cake of liberty! | 0:59:43 | 0:59:45 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:01 | 1:00:05 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:05 | 1:00:09 | |
AUDIENCE: # Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:09 | 1:00:14 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:14 | 1:00:18 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:18 | 1:00:22 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:22 | 1:00:26 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll | 1:00:26 | 1:00:30 | |
# Sex and drugs and rock and roll. # | 1:00:30 | 1:00:36 | |
AUDIENCE CHANTS: Ian! Ian! Ian! Ian! | 1:01:03 | 1:01:06 | |
-Ian! -Ian! | 1:01:10 | 1:01:12 | |
See, people imagine people like me want all of that, | 1:01:16 | 1:01:22 | |
to be popular and famous, but I don't. | 1:01:22 | 1:01:26 | |
I prefer being a lurker, cos I like being naughty. | 1:01:26 | 1:01:30 | |
Paul McCartney says when he gets recognised, | 1:01:30 | 1:01:32 | |
he just walks brusquely away. | 1:01:32 | 1:01:34 | |
Well, if I walk brusquely away, I fall over and down I go a-tumble. | 1:01:34 | 1:01:39 | |
Did I say you could laugh? | 1:01:39 | 1:01:40 | |
-Touch me, Ian! Touch me! -I ain't the fucking Pope, am I? | 1:01:40 | 1:01:44 | |
Now you can laugh. | 1:01:44 | 1:01:46 | |
-Ian! -Ian! | 1:01:48 | 1:01:50 | |
So, how's the new gaff? Is it keeping all you guys productive? | 1:02:00 | 1:02:04 | |
Well, you've got to pace your life, lie fallow for stages, | 1:02:04 | 1:02:08 | |
so that's what I'm doing. | 1:02:08 | 1:02:10 | |
Biding me time till I'm ready to pounce. | 1:02:10 | 1:02:13 | |
Bax? Bax? Don't you want to swim? | 1:02:14 | 1:02:19 | |
-You sure? -Yeah. | 1:02:19 | 1:02:20 | |
You yourself, have you lost that common touch people said you had? | 1:02:22 | 1:02:26 | |
Oh, well, that all depends on where I'm touching them, doesn't it? | 1:02:26 | 1:02:28 | |
Well, is it possible to maintain a uniqueness, do you think? | 1:02:28 | 1:02:32 | |
Well, we're all unique, aren't we? Eh? | 1:02:32 | 1:02:34 | |
Yeah, but if you wish to package that uniqueness, | 1:02:34 | 1:02:39 | |
well, then you take risks. | 1:02:39 | 1:02:41 | |
Don't we, Denise? Eh? | 1:02:41 | 1:02:43 | |
Even with things in love? | 1:02:43 | 1:02:46 | |
Love. Mmm. | 1:02:46 | 1:02:48 | |
Well, there are people in this world who act purely out of love. | 1:02:48 | 1:02:51 | |
Whereas, me, I'm a wanker being interviewed by a cunt and I love it. | 1:02:51 | 1:02:56 | |
Am I making a bit of a kipper of meself, Denny? | 1:02:56 | 1:02:58 | |
I think this little squirt wants to know... (how we're getting on). | 1:02:58 | 1:03:03 | |
Well, I'd like to be at home. | 1:03:03 | 1:03:04 | |
Oh, would you? Well, this is home. | 1:03:04 | 1:03:06 | |
No, this is rented for a small fortune, actually. | 1:03:06 | 1:03:09 | |
Oh, well, you know, we've gotta be here | 1:03:09 | 1:03:10 | |
cos we've got to work, haven't we? | 1:03:10 | 1:03:12 | |
It's industrial relations now. No time for real relations. | 1:03:12 | 1:03:15 | |
Yeah, I'd noticed. | 1:03:15 | 1:03:17 | |
All right, goose? | 1:03:28 | 1:03:29 | |
Amphetamines. Speed, Billy Whizz, | 1:03:33 | 1:03:36 | |
Black Beauties, sulphate. Righteous stuff. | 1:03:36 | 1:03:39 | |
Originally a nasal decongestant. | 1:03:39 | 1:03:41 | |
Used during the war. It keeps you awake. | 1:03:41 | 1:03:44 | |
Basically, speed won the Battle of Britain. | 1:03:44 | 1:03:48 | |
They were flying very high, those boys. Literally. | 1:03:48 | 1:03:50 | |
-That's a lot. -Don't want to withdraw. Here you go. | 1:03:53 | 1:03:56 | |
Go on, son. Give it here. | 1:04:02 | 1:04:04 | |
-FILM: -Your lives are to be spared. | 1:04:09 | 1:04:11 | |
The terrible penalty of crucifixion has been set aside... | 1:04:11 | 1:04:15 | |
-What's this? -..on the single condition | 1:04:15 | 1:04:18 | |
that you identify the body or the living person | 1:04:18 | 1:04:22 | |
of the slave called Spartacus. | 1:04:22 | 1:04:24 | |
-I'm Spartacus! -I'm Spartacus! | 1:04:26 | 1:04:28 | |
Ow! | 1:04:28 | 1:04:30 | |
-You spilled me nuts. -Oh, sorry. | 1:04:30 | 1:04:32 | |
They're gone now. | 1:04:32 | 1:04:34 | |
I'm Spartacus! | 1:04:34 | 1:04:36 | |
-We should work. -Sshh. | 1:04:36 | 1:04:38 | |
-Kirk Douglas is just about to get crucified. -Yeah, I know, | 1:04:38 | 1:04:40 | |
but I've just written a brilliant riff, right? | 1:04:40 | 1:04:42 | |
-I promise you, it's a brilliant.. -Just relax, will you? You doughnut. | 1:04:42 | 1:04:45 | |
Ian, listen, it's fantastic. We should go and work on it. | 1:04:45 | 1:04:48 | |
What are you? Some kind of mad nutty professor? | 1:04:48 | 1:04:49 | |
Will you shut up? I'm trying to watch the movie. | 1:04:49 | 1:04:51 | |
-Chaz, you're standing in my way. -I've got to get the guitar. | 1:04:57 | 1:05:00 | |
Will you get me some more nuts? | 1:05:00 | 1:05:02 | |
Actually, can you get me some olives, as well? Stoned. | 1:05:02 | 1:05:04 | |
EVERYONE GROANS | 1:05:04 | 1:05:07 | |
Take a month. | 1:05:11 | 1:05:12 | |
Come on, Baxter, what's wrong with you? | 1:05:17 | 1:05:19 | |
-Scared of a bit of water? -Leave him alone, Ian. | 1:05:19 | 1:05:22 | |
-Just jump in, it's the only way. -No, I don't want to. | 1:05:22 | 1:05:24 | |
-Look, he doesn't want to, Ian. -Go on, I dare you. | 1:05:24 | 1:05:27 | |
-It's bloody freezing. -Go on. | 1:05:27 | 1:05:28 | |
-Let him off. Go on, Bax. -No, no. | 1:05:28 | 1:05:30 | |
70% of the world is covered in water. It's a very dangerous place. | 1:05:30 | 1:05:34 | |
-Go on, Bax. Go on. -Where are you going? | 1:05:34 | 1:05:37 | |
-Oi! -Why don't YOU jump in? | 1:05:37 | 1:05:40 | |
Actually, I was a brilliant swimmer. | 1:05:40 | 1:05:43 | |
Don't you think how lucky we are? | 1:05:43 | 1:05:46 | |
Very big house and a pool | 1:05:46 | 1:05:48 | |
and a record at number one in the hit parade. | 1:05:48 | 1:05:51 | |
-Don't that make you happy? -You need sleep, Ian. | 1:05:51 | 1:05:53 | |
Yeah, plenty of time for sleeping when you're dead. | 1:05:53 | 1:05:57 | |
The last chicken in the shop, | 1:06:03 | 1:06:06 | |
the juicy golden goosey... | 1:06:06 | 1:06:09 | |
..and I am cooked. | 1:06:11 | 1:06:12 | |
# In the deserts of Sudan | 1:06:40 | 1:06:44 | |
# And the gardens of Japan | 1:06:44 | 1:06:49 | |
# From Milan to Yucatan | 1:06:49 | 1:06:53 | |
# Every womans' every man | 1:06:53 | 1:06:58 | |
# Hit me with your rhythm stick | 1:06:58 | 1:07:00 | |
# Hit me Hit me | 1:07:00 | 1:07:02 | |
# It's good, c'est fantastique | 1:07:02 | 1:07:04 | |
# Hit me, hit me, hit me! | 1:07:04 | 1:07:06 | |
# Hit me with your rhythm stick | 1:07:06 | 1:07:08 | |
# It's nice to be a lunatic | 1:07:08 | 1:07:11 | |
# Hit me! Hit me! | 1:07:11 | 1:07:13 | |
# Hit me! | 1:07:13 | 1:07:15 | |
# Hit me. # | 1:07:20 | 1:07:22 | |
Turn your fucking mic down! I can't hear myself think. | 1:07:24 | 1:07:26 | |
-# Hit me! # -Stop fucking me around! | 1:07:26 | 1:07:28 | |
Oh, come on, man. | 1:07:28 | 1:07:30 | |
I already told you once. | 1:07:30 | 1:07:32 | |
INCOHERENT SHOUTING | 1:07:35 | 1:07:38 | |
Forget it! | 1:07:47 | 1:07:48 | |
# Jingle bells | 1:07:51 | 1:07:52 | |
# Rudolph smells | 1:07:52 | 1:07:54 | |
# Santa shagged an elf | 1:07:54 | 1:07:57 | |
# Tiny Tim plays with his crutch and thinks it is himself. # | 1:07:57 | 1:08:00 | |
Happy Christmas! | 1:08:07 | 1:08:09 | |
I'm...the husband. | 1:08:09 | 1:08:12 | |
So, where'd you get your black eye from? | 1:08:16 | 1:08:18 | |
Well, it's funny you should say that, actually, because, erm... | 1:08:18 | 1:08:22 | |
-Sorry, what's your name again? -Clive. | 1:08:22 | 1:08:25 | |
Anyway, so we were at this posh restaurant... Where were we, Strang? | 1:08:25 | 1:08:30 | |
-Oh, Caprice. -Caprice. | 1:08:30 | 1:08:32 | |
Fucking I look over, right? And I say, | 1:08:32 | 1:08:36 | |
"Look, it's Omar fucking Sharif. It is!" | 1:08:36 | 1:08:39 | |
So I go all the way over. And I go over and I says to him, | 1:08:39 | 1:08:43 | |
"Your first film was great and the rest were shit." | 1:08:43 | 1:08:45 | |
And he said, "I don't give a fuck what you think." | 1:08:45 | 1:08:48 | |
And I said, "Oh, you're a cunt." And he said, "Fucking come on, then" | 1:08:48 | 1:08:52 | |
and then he fucking smacked me right in the face. | 1:08:52 | 1:08:54 | |
I mean, talk about overreacting. | 1:08:54 | 1:08:56 | |
Fucking nice fighter. | 1:08:56 | 1:08:59 | |
That's the most expensive fist you'll ever have in your mouth. | 1:08:59 | 1:09:02 | |
Do you want stuffing with that? | 1:09:02 | 1:09:04 | |
Ooh. | 1:09:04 | 1:09:05 | |
Not too much for me, darling. | 1:09:22 | 1:09:25 | |
That's too much. Thanks. | 1:09:25 | 1:09:27 | |
IAN LAUGHS | 1:09:43 | 1:09:45 | |
"Home improvement expert | 1:10:14 | 1:10:18 | |
"Harold Hill of Harold Hill | 1:10:18 | 1:10:21 | |
"Came home to find another gentleman's kippers in his grill | 1:10:22 | 1:10:28 | |
"So he sanded the geezer's winkle off with a Black & Decker drill." | 1:10:31 | 1:10:36 | |
You're all right, Clive. You know that? | 1:10:50 | 1:10:53 | |
Merry Christmas. | 1:10:53 | 1:10:55 | |
Quite finished now. Get on with the fucking thing. | 1:11:00 | 1:11:02 | |
Something wrong with you, man. "Stand up, sit down." | 1:11:06 | 1:11:08 | |
-I can't keep up with you. -Oh, whinge, whinge, whinge. | 1:11:08 | 1:11:10 | |
I'm going to be keeping my eyes on you. | 1:11:10 | 1:11:12 | |
Come out of my face with that thing, man. | 1:11:12 | 1:11:14 | |
And my name is Desmond, not Sparky. | 1:11:14 | 1:11:17 | |
Desi. Desi-ray. Desi-ray... | 1:11:17 | 1:11:20 | |
-Desmond. -All right, Desi-ray. | 1:11:20 | 1:11:23 | |
Like your shirt, by the way. | 1:11:23 | 1:11:24 | |
I used to have one like that in the 1970s, you know. | 1:11:24 | 1:11:27 | |
Oi, come on, give us a smile. What's wrong with that? | 1:11:27 | 1:11:30 | |
Come inside and close the bloodclaat door, man. | 1:11:30 | 1:11:32 | |
Fucking Strang, Strang. | 1:11:32 | 1:11:34 | |
-Now we get on with the show. -Right. Time is money. Money is time. | 1:11:35 | 1:11:37 | |
This is expensive equipment. Can we do this? | 1:11:37 | 1:11:40 | |
Come on, then. | 1:11:40 | 1:11:41 | |
# Noel Coward was a charmer | 1:11:47 | 1:11:51 | |
# As a writer he was Brahma | 1:11:51 | 1:11:55 | |
# With... MUSIC STOPS | 1:11:55 | 1:11:56 | |
I can't be dealing with this thing, man. | 1:11:56 | 1:11:58 | |
What was wrong with that? That was perfect. | 1:11:58 | 1:12:00 | |
Do it again. Do it again. | 1:12:00 | 1:12:01 | |
Sorry. Sorry, guys. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. | 1:12:01 | 1:12:03 | |
Please forgive me. Please, please, please. All right. | 1:12:03 | 1:12:06 | |
They've got no fucking sense of humour, that lot, I tell you. | 1:12:06 | 1:12:10 | |
# Noel Coward was a charmer... # | 1:12:10 | 1:12:13 | |
-Try pitching it up a little bit. -What? | 1:12:13 | 1:12:15 | |
-Pitch it. Pitch it. -Listen to the white boy and add pitch. | 1:12:15 | 1:12:17 | |
-Pitching? They want pitching. -OK, we're going to do one more. | 1:12:17 | 1:12:20 | |
-Fuck 'em. -This is ridiculous, man. | 1:12:20 | 1:12:22 | |
It sound like a bad version of Barry White. | 1:12:22 | 1:12:24 | |
-What the fuck did he just say? -You better... | 1:12:24 | 1:12:26 | |
Chaz. What did he say? | 1:12:26 | 1:12:28 | |
All right. One more time. | 1:12:28 | 1:12:30 | |
Just... Just cool the fuck down, man. | 1:12:32 | 1:12:34 | |
Get me up! Get me fucking up. You cunt! | 1:12:46 | 1:12:49 | |
Look at my drums! Look at my drums! | 1:12:49 | 1:12:52 | |
You don't touch one of my instruments, you... | 1:12:52 | 1:12:54 | |
That's it. | 1:12:56 | 1:12:58 | |
-Get out of my studio. -Look, look. Look. | 1:12:58 | 1:13:00 | |
See, I've got egg all over my fucking face and all, right. | 1:13:00 | 1:13:04 | |
Jesus. I'll kill you! | 1:13:04 | 1:13:06 | |
-Just calm down. -Fuck off, mate. | 1:13:08 | 1:13:10 | |
-You is a dead man. -Where's my fucking manager? | 1:13:10 | 1:13:13 | |
You're a dead man. You're a dead man. | 1:13:13 | 1:13:15 | |
-Here are your eggs. -You're a dead man! | 1:13:15 | 1:13:18 | |
The only thing a manager is good for is doing up your fly | 1:13:18 | 1:13:21 | |
after a good fucking wank. | 1:13:21 | 1:13:23 | |
Barry White. I'll give you Barry fucking White, you cunt. | 1:13:23 | 1:13:27 | |
..never try to teach a pig to sing | 1:13:39 | 1:13:42 | |
because it wastes time and it annoys the pig! | 1:13:42 | 1:13:45 | |
# Do re mi so far so good! # | 1:13:47 | 1:13:53 | |
Aaaaah! | 1:13:53 | 1:13:56 | |
Police brutality! | 1:13:56 | 1:13:58 | |
I'm sorry. | 1:14:25 | 1:14:26 | |
I know. We all want to escape ourselves. | 1:15:01 | 1:15:05 | |
Best to learn your place. | 1:15:05 | 1:15:07 | |
Accept your cripplage. | 1:15:09 | 1:15:11 | |
Denny. | 1:15:18 | 1:15:19 | |
It's good to see you. | 1:15:22 | 1:15:23 | |
I think I need a bit of saving. | 1:15:26 | 1:15:27 | |
Where you been? | 1:15:28 | 1:15:31 | |
Coming and going. | 1:15:31 | 1:15:32 | |
-Oi, oi. -Oi, oi. | 1:15:36 | 1:15:37 | |
Ian, I, um... | 1:15:43 | 1:15:45 | |
-I need some time off. -Yeah, don't we all? | 1:15:45 | 1:15:48 | |
Yeah, I need to, um, get away and do my own stuff. | 1:15:48 | 1:15:53 | |
Don't be a doughnut. There's plenty of time for all that | 1:15:53 | 1:15:55 | |
-when you've had a proper shave. -I'm serious. | 1:15:55 | 1:15:57 | |
-Is there a boozer round here? -Yeah, round the corner. The Feathers. | 1:15:59 | 1:16:03 | |
So, Baxter. | 1:16:13 | 1:16:15 | |
I understand you've found it difficult | 1:16:15 | 1:16:18 | |
to fit in at other schools. | 1:16:18 | 1:16:20 | |
Well, our motto here is Ex Corde Vita. | 1:16:20 | 1:16:25 | |
Out of the heart springs life. | 1:16:25 | 1:16:28 | |
Baxter? Baxter? | 1:16:30 | 1:16:33 | |
Tell me, what would you like to achieve here? | 1:16:33 | 1:16:35 | |
What would you like to do? | 1:16:35 | 1:16:38 | |
Hmm? | 1:16:38 | 1:16:39 | |
Baxter? | 1:16:40 | 1:16:42 | |
I'll tell you what. | 1:16:46 | 1:16:48 | |
I'll leave you alone for a moment, just to have a little think. | 1:16:48 | 1:16:51 | |
# Arseholes, bastards, fucking cunts and pricks | 1:17:03 | 1:17:08 | |
# Aerosol the bricks | 1:17:11 | 1:17:16 | |
# A lawless brat from a council flat Oh, oh. # | 1:17:20 | 1:17:24 | |
Come on, Baxter. | 1:18:17 | 1:18:20 | |
That's it. Come on, sit up straight. It's all right. It's OK. | 1:18:20 | 1:18:23 | |
Big, deep breaths. Big, deep breaths. That's a good boy. | 1:18:23 | 1:18:27 | |
Come on, you can do it. Fatten your lungs up. | 1:18:27 | 1:18:30 | |
In and out. In and out. | 1:18:30 | 1:18:35 | |
In and out. In and out. | 1:18:35 | 1:18:40 | |
That's it. That's it. | 1:18:40 | 1:18:42 | |
I'm sorry. | 1:18:50 | 1:18:52 | |
-You're always saying you're sorry. -Am I? | 1:18:54 | 1:18:57 | |
Yeah. | 1:18:57 | 1:18:58 | |
Well, that's cos... Well, that's cos I am. | 1:19:02 | 1:19:04 | |
OK. | 1:19:06 | 1:19:08 | |
You don't want to be like me, Baxter. | 1:19:11 | 1:19:14 | |
Please don't try and be like me. | 1:19:14 | 1:19:16 | |
You want to be like you. | 1:19:19 | 1:19:20 | |
We're all on our own, remember? | 1:19:23 | 1:19:26 | |
No, Dad. I'm here. | 1:19:26 | 1:19:28 | |
What's been going on? | 1:19:47 | 1:19:49 | |
Just the same, you know. | 1:19:49 | 1:19:51 | |
How are you? | 1:19:51 | 1:19:52 | |
Sometimes it doesn't work out, OK? | 1:19:55 | 1:19:57 | |
Sometimes you have to save yourself. | 1:20:04 | 1:20:06 | |
Did you have a nice time, Bax? | 1:20:26 | 1:20:28 | |
How's your dad? | 1:20:32 | 1:20:33 | |
"I'm fine, Mummy. Thanks for asking." | 1:20:36 | 1:20:39 | |
Mum? | 1:21:00 | 1:21:02 | |
Mum? | 1:21:02 | 1:21:04 | |
Mum! | 1:21:04 | 1:21:05 | |
Christ almighty. | 1:21:24 | 1:21:27 | |
Language. | 1:21:27 | 1:21:28 | |
You look terrible. | 1:21:43 | 1:21:44 | |
Thanks. | 1:21:46 | 1:21:47 | |
Grapes. | 1:21:52 | 1:21:53 | |
-I blame myself. -For the grapes? | 1:21:59 | 1:22:01 | |
I've not been particularly full of the joie de vivre. | 1:22:03 | 1:22:07 | |
All the colours have gone. | 1:22:10 | 1:22:12 | |
Wanted the world to go away, too. | 1:22:15 | 1:22:17 | |
It almost did. | 1:22:21 | 1:22:22 | |
Count the blessings in the here and now, eh? | 1:22:24 | 1:22:26 | |
Tired, Ian. | 1:22:32 | 1:22:35 | |
Will you stay? | 1:22:35 | 1:22:36 | |
Of course I will. | 1:22:39 | 1:22:41 | |
-OK, everyone. So, this is Ian. -Hello. | 1:22:55 | 1:22:58 | |
Ian used to be a student here a few years back. | 1:22:58 | 1:23:01 | |
And everyone's very excited about you being here, aren't we? | 1:23:01 | 1:23:05 | |
Well, thank you very much. It's nice to be here. | 1:23:05 | 1:23:06 | |
Ian, I think you said it's OK if people ask you questions. | 1:23:06 | 1:23:09 | |
Yeah, go on, pile them in. | 1:23:09 | 1:23:10 | |
Don't all rush at once. | 1:23:13 | 1:23:15 | |
-OK, so... -Who'll go first? | 1:23:15 | 1:23:18 | |
Finished? Is that it? Right. Well, I'm off, then. | 1:23:18 | 1:23:20 | |
Oh, I don't know why they've gone so quiet now. | 1:23:20 | 1:23:22 | |
They were really noisy before. | 1:23:22 | 1:23:23 | |
Oh, yeah. Cortez, you wanted to talk to Ian, didn't you? | 1:23:23 | 1:23:26 | |
-Hello. -He says hello. | 1:23:27 | 1:23:30 | |
Oh, hello, mate. Hello. How you going? You all right? | 1:23:30 | 1:23:32 | |
What you been up to? | 1:23:32 | 1:23:35 | |
Did you always | 1:23:35 | 1:23:38 | |
want to be a singer? | 1:23:38 | 1:23:42 | |
-Did you always want to be a... -Singer. | 1:23:42 | 1:23:44 | |
Er, well, I don't really think of myself as a singer, | 1:23:44 | 1:23:47 | |
as it happens, I think of myself as more of an entertainer, really. | 1:23:47 | 1:23:50 | |
You know, I always wanted to get up on a stage, you know. | 1:23:50 | 1:23:52 | |
Give it all that, you know. | 1:23:52 | 1:23:54 | |
I don't know how much longer I can get away with it, really, | 1:23:56 | 1:23:58 | |
cos I'm a bit of an old chap. | 1:23:58 | 1:24:01 | |
Anybody else? | 1:24:01 | 1:24:03 | |
Do you believe in God? | 1:24:06 | 1:24:08 | |
What's that? | 1:24:10 | 1:24:11 | |
Do you believe in almighty God who created us in His image? | 1:24:11 | 1:24:15 | |
I believe in good, which I think is the same thing. | 1:24:16 | 1:24:21 | |
But do you believe in God? Up in heaven? | 1:24:21 | 1:24:24 | |
Oh, I used to, but, erm... | 1:24:24 | 1:24:26 | |
-..but not any more. -Why not? | 1:24:28 | 1:24:29 | |
Because I think that down here on Earth, I think that's... | 1:24:32 | 1:24:36 | |
that's where you got to get your nut together. | 1:24:36 | 1:24:39 | |
Typical. | 1:24:39 | 1:24:41 | |
Did you just say "typical"? | 1:24:41 | 1:24:43 | |
He's a cheeky little bugger, isn't he? | 1:24:44 | 1:24:47 | |
You're going to help me write a song, OK? | 1:24:49 | 1:24:51 | |
You're going to help me with the rhythm, right? | 1:24:51 | 1:24:53 | |
Now, rhythm. Who's tricky with rhythm? Eh? | 1:24:53 | 1:24:55 | |
Right. Rhythm, I'll have you know, | 1:24:55 | 1:24:57 | |
is the longest word in the English dictionary | 1:24:57 | 1:24:59 | |
without any vowels in it, right? | 1:24:59 | 1:25:01 | |
It's very, very special because you can feel it right here. | 1:25:01 | 1:25:04 | |
I'm going to give you a rhythm, all right? One, two, three, four. | 1:25:04 | 1:25:08 | |
One, two, three, four. Wait for it. | 1:25:08 | 1:25:13 | |
One, two, three. One, two, three. | 1:25:13 | 1:25:17 | |
One, two, three... | 1:25:17 | 1:25:18 | |
All right, louder. Everybody louder. | 1:25:23 | 1:25:26 | |
Louder! | 1:25:26 | 1:25:29 | |
Louder! | 1:25:29 | 1:25:31 | |
Go crazy! Go crazy with it! Come on. | 1:25:31 | 1:25:35 | |
Louder! | 1:25:35 | 1:25:37 | |
I think that went really well. Thank you so much. | 1:25:44 | 1:25:46 | |
I had a fight with a guy called Jimmy Coghill behind that tree. | 1:25:46 | 1:25:50 | |
Did you really? Did you win? | 1:25:50 | 1:25:52 | |
No, he knocked seven tons of shit out of me. | 1:25:52 | 1:25:55 | |
There was an orderly here by the name of Hargreaves. Is he still going? | 1:25:55 | 1:26:00 | |
I'm sorry, Ian. It was a while ago, but Mr Hargreaves took his own life. | 1:26:00 | 1:26:05 | |
He hanged himself up in one of the attics. | 1:26:05 | 1:26:08 | |
It's very sad. | 1:26:08 | 1:26:10 | |
That has made my day, that has. | 1:26:19 | 1:26:21 | |
-See you. -Yeah, thanks again. | 1:26:29 | 1:26:31 | |
I don't know who you are any more. | 1:26:43 | 1:26:44 | |
But you know what I really can't take? | 1:26:47 | 1:26:49 | |
It's the hope. | 1:26:52 | 1:26:53 | |
The hope that it's going to get better. | 1:26:55 | 1:26:58 | |
It's not, is it? | 1:27:03 | 1:27:04 | |
Everything's out of joint. | 1:27:11 | 1:27:13 | |
I don't really know if I've got the bollocks to stop it. | 1:27:15 | 1:27:18 | |
You've got to get out of here, Denny. | 1:27:25 | 1:27:28 | |
Run away, and you got to do it all by yourself. | 1:27:30 | 1:27:33 | |
You'll still be my gracious, my family. | 1:27:36 | 1:27:40 | |
And if you ever forget that, | 1:27:42 | 1:27:45 | |
act sorry for yourself, | 1:27:45 | 1:27:46 | |
I'll come back and I'll bleedin' well haunt you. | 1:27:46 | 1:27:49 | |
You understand? | 1:27:49 | 1:27:52 | |
Hello, it's Graham, from the Spastics Society. | 1:27:52 | 1:27:55 | |
We spoke on the phone. | 1:27:55 | 1:27:56 | |
"Full participation and equality for all." That's the motto. | 1:28:18 | 1:28:22 | |
This United Nations Year of the Disabled | 1:28:22 | 1:28:24 | |
is a tremendous opportunity, you know, | 1:28:24 | 1:28:26 | |
to make people really sit up and think. | 1:28:26 | 1:28:30 | |
Of course, we're going to need all the help we can get, so... | 1:28:30 | 1:28:34 | |
Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could get back on top again? | 1:28:34 | 1:28:36 | |
Maybe a new song, maybe another hit single. Who knows? | 1:28:36 | 1:28:40 | |
-The UN are very keen. -Are they? | 1:28:40 | 1:28:42 | |
I understand you've been dabbling in a spot of acting. | 1:28:45 | 1:28:48 | |
Oh, yeah, I've played a few villains in me time. Typecast. | 1:28:48 | 1:28:52 | |
Well, here's an opportunity to introduce yourself all over again. | 1:28:52 | 1:28:55 | |
You know, a new fan base, new beginnings. | 1:28:55 | 1:28:58 | |
Oh, dear. Your friend seems to have gone. | 1:28:58 | 1:29:00 | |
Well, look, you seem to be in a spot of trouble. | 1:29:00 | 1:29:02 | |
May I give you a lift? | 1:29:02 | 1:29:03 | |
Yeah. That'd be great. | 1:29:07 | 1:29:09 | |
It's really, er... It's really great to have you back. | 1:30:16 | 1:30:20 | |
The prodigal son returns. | 1:30:20 | 1:30:21 | |
To be a geezer like me, you... | 1:30:23 | 1:30:27 | |
you've got to be a bit of a selfish loony, really. | 1:30:27 | 1:30:29 | |
Can't bother too much about day and night | 1:30:29 | 1:30:32 | |
and right and wrong and so forth. | 1:30:32 | 1:30:34 | |
And occasionally... | 1:30:34 | 1:30:38 | |
one's behaviour | 1:30:38 | 1:30:41 | |
makes one ashamed of oneself. | 1:30:41 | 1:30:44 | |
Well, I'm glad to hear it. | 1:30:46 | 1:30:49 | |
Anyway, this Year of the Disabled... Got a chance now to get back on top. | 1:30:49 | 1:30:54 | |
Proper deals going down, so... | 1:30:54 | 1:30:57 | |
So, what, er... what have you got? | 1:30:57 | 1:31:01 | |
# When Tessie Trouble's on patrol | 1:31:01 | 1:31:06 | |
# And Suzie Sadness makes you blue | 1:31:06 | 1:31:11 | |
# When Lennie Love comes through the door... # | 1:31:11 | 1:31:15 | |
HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY | 1:31:19 | 1:31:21 | |
Well, it's not Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, is it? | 1:31:31 | 1:31:34 | |
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. | 1:31:34 | 1:31:36 | |
Fucking Year of Disabled. | 1:31:37 | 1:31:39 | |
I mean, it's like, what? Like, last year we was fine | 1:31:39 | 1:31:41 | |
and next year is going to be great, but this year, just this year, | 1:31:41 | 1:31:44 | |
oh, we're all going to be a right bunch of fucking cripples, | 1:31:44 | 1:31:46 | |
aren't we, eh? Why don't we just form a band? | 1:31:46 | 1:31:49 | |
I know, I know, we can call ourselves Spastic and the Autistics. | 1:31:49 | 1:31:52 | |
Oi, oi! You dribblin', wibblin', scribblin', cripplin' little | 1:31:54 | 1:31:58 | |
fucking hobblin', wobblin', bobblin' fantastic spastic! | 1:31:58 | 1:32:02 | |
I like it. | 1:32:05 | 1:32:07 | |
-RADIO: -And welcome back. Well, we all like a bit of jazz, don't we? | 1:32:07 | 1:32:10 | |
And so, turning to our next item and that's the continuing controversy | 1:32:10 | 1:32:13 | |
surrounding the United Nations Year of the Disabled. | 1:32:13 | 1:32:16 | |
We're going to hear from Ian Drury, | 1:32:16 | 1:32:17 | |
the housewife's favourite punk rocker, | 1:32:17 | 1:32:19 | |
the man who put the phrase "sex and drugs and rock and roll" | 1:32:19 | 1:32:22 | |
into the English language, | 1:32:22 | 1:32:23 | |
and whose new song Spasticus Autisticus | 1:32:23 | 1:32:26 | |
has been labelled outrageous and offensive. | 1:32:26 | 1:32:29 | |
We also have with us Graham Hart from the Spastics Society | 1:32:29 | 1:32:32 | |
to talk about full participation in the Year of the Disabled. | 1:32:32 | 1:32:35 | |
-Hello, there. -So, turning to you first, Ian Drury. | 1:32:35 | 1:32:37 | |
First of all, it's not Drury or Dreary or Doory, it's Dury. | 1:32:37 | 1:32:41 | |
But I would like to say that, yeah, I think we should all fully participate | 1:32:43 | 1:32:46 | |
in holding Graham down and chopping off his tiny little bollocks | 1:32:46 | 1:32:49 | |
-for being a spineless little shit. -Right, Ian, thank you. | 1:32:49 | 1:32:52 | |
I don't think this is the time or the place. | 1:32:52 | 1:32:53 | |
No, it's not the time or the place. You're right. It never is, is it? | 1:32:53 | 1:32:56 | |
-I'm terribly sorry. -Will you excuse me, please? | 1:32:56 | 1:32:59 | |
-Bandit! -No, nobody has banned anything. | 1:33:00 | 1:33:03 | |
No, you. You're a bandit. You're a chiseller. | 1:33:03 | 1:33:05 | |
Well, they don't ban cripples, either, do they, eh? | 1:33:05 | 1:33:07 | |
They just make it difficult for them to function. | 1:33:07 | 1:33:09 | |
The song is still being played on current affairs programmes. | 1:33:09 | 1:33:11 | |
Great! Yeah, that's great! | 1:33:11 | 1:33:12 | |
Late at night when all the raspberries are tucked up in bed, | 1:33:12 | 1:33:15 | |
-oh, not doing any harm to anybody. -Yes, well, it was found offensive. | 1:33:15 | 1:33:19 | |
How could I go up to somebody, right, | 1:33:19 | 1:33:20 | |
who's got the same disabilities as me and be offensive? | 1:33:20 | 1:33:22 | |
No, not disabled people so much, no. | 1:33:22 | 1:33:24 | |
Well, it wasn't written for you, was it? Eh? The walkie-talkies! | 1:33:24 | 1:33:28 | |
It's a war cry type of item, like "Spartacus!" | 1:33:28 | 1:33:31 | |
Yes, well, if I remember correctly, Spartacus was crucified. | 1:33:31 | 1:33:33 | |
Yeah, I'll be in good company, then, won't I? | 1:33:33 | 1:33:35 | |
Look, it was felt that what you've written just isn't very sympathetic. | 1:33:35 | 1:33:39 | |
Sympathetic? Life ain't sympathetic, right? | 1:33:39 | 1:33:42 | |
I'm not Tiny Tim. I am Ian Dury. | 1:33:42 | 1:33:44 | |
People like me do not want sympathy. They want respect. | 1:33:44 | 1:33:47 | |
It's a waste. OK? | 1:33:47 | 1:33:49 | |
People felt you had the opportunity to do something remarkable. | 1:33:49 | 1:33:52 | |
Your crowning glory, to be remembered after you've long gone. | 1:33:52 | 1:33:55 | |
I do not give a shit. | 1:33:55 | 1:33:58 | |
I don't care if I'm as popular as a Chinese pig in a synagogue. | 1:33:58 | 1:34:00 | |
I am not here to be remembered, I'm here to be alive! | 1:34:00 | 1:34:05 | |
So you take your DisUnited Nations, right, | 1:34:05 | 1:34:08 | |
and your Year of Dissembling | 1:34:08 | 1:34:09 | |
and stick it right up your fucking Harris. | 1:34:09 | 1:34:12 | |
Cunt. | 1:34:14 | 1:34:15 | |
Keep your body strong, keep your guard up. | 1:34:33 | 1:34:36 | |
Ian, I need a rest. Oh. | 1:34:36 | 1:34:37 | |
Clive and I want to be together. | 1:34:45 | 1:34:48 | |
You don't want to rush into that. Look what happened last time. | 1:34:48 | 1:34:50 | |
Some blokes turn out to be an absolute nightmare. | 1:34:50 | 1:34:53 | |
I want a divorce, Ian. | 1:34:54 | 1:34:55 | |
I still love you. | 1:34:59 | 1:35:00 | |
It's not about love, silly. | 1:35:02 | 1:35:04 | |
It's not your choice. | 1:35:06 | 1:35:07 | |
Let me go. | 1:35:15 | 1:35:16 | |
Go on, then, you're fired. | 1:35:23 | 1:35:24 | |
Darling. | 1:35:27 | 1:35:29 | |
Getting better. | 1:35:31 | 1:35:33 | |
You're not going to shout at me again, are you? | 1:35:36 | 1:35:38 | |
You actually been in yet? | 1:35:55 | 1:35:57 | |
Oh, easy, tiger. | 1:36:02 | 1:36:04 | |
-How's Mum? -She's fine. She's going to be fine. | 1:36:07 | 1:36:11 | |
Look, er... it's done. | 1:36:11 | 1:36:14 | |
We had to let Strangler go, | 1:36:16 | 1:36:18 | |
cos, er, well, the dramas backstage | 1:36:18 | 1:36:20 | |
were getting better than the actual show. | 1:36:20 | 1:36:23 | |
Son, I'm sorry. | 1:36:23 | 1:36:25 | |
Close your eyes. | 1:36:28 | 1:36:30 | |
Go on. Go on. Close your eyes. | 1:36:30 | 1:36:32 | |
Can you feel that? | 1:36:35 | 1:36:37 | |
That's my hand. | 1:36:38 | 1:36:39 | |
From now until for ever, I will always be there. | 1:36:42 | 1:36:47 | |
Just above your shoulder. | 1:36:48 | 1:36:51 | |
All right? | 1:36:51 | 1:36:52 | |
I'll tell you what, though. | 1:37:12 | 1:37:14 | |
I've just been offered a part in a film. | 1:37:14 | 1:37:16 | |
To play an undernourished villain who wins in the end through love. | 1:37:16 | 1:37:20 | |
You could come with. Be my assistant. If you like. | 1:37:21 | 1:37:25 | |
-Don't you want to watch me swim? -Nah. You'll be all right. | 1:37:31 | 1:37:34 | |
Just remember - keep your head up, | 1:37:34 | 1:37:38 | |
keep kicking, try not to drown. | 1:37:38 | 1:37:41 | |
"When a free man dies, he loses the pleasure of life. | 1:37:54 | 1:37:58 | |
"A slave loses his pain. | 1:38:00 | 1:38:02 | |
"Death is the only freedom a slave knows. | 1:38:04 | 1:38:09 | |
"That's why he's not afraid of it. | 1:38:09 | 1:38:11 | |
"That's why we'll win..." | 1:38:13 | 1:38:15 | |
Sit properly. | 1:38:42 | 1:38:44 | |
-Eat your fish. -No! It's horrible. | 1:38:46 | 1:38:51 | |
What did you say? | 1:38:53 | 1:38:55 | |
You do as you're told. | 1:38:55 | 1:38:56 | |
I said, I ain't eating that, it's fucking horrible! | 1:39:04 | 1:39:08 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Ian! Ian! Ian! Ian! | 1:39:40 | 1:39:43 | |
One, two, three... | 1:39:46 | 1:39:48 | |
# I'm Spasticus, Spasticus | 1:39:48 | 1:39:50 | |
# Spasticus Autisticus | 1:39:50 | 1:39:52 | |
# I'm Spasticus, Spasticus | 1:39:52 | 1:39:54 | |
# Spasticus Autisticus | 1:39:54 | 1:39:56 | |
# I wiggle when I piddle cos my middle is a riddle | 1:39:56 | 1:40:01 | |
# Swim! | 1:40:01 | 1:40:02 | |
# Get up! Get up! Get up that dive board! Over! | 1:40:16 | 1:40:20 | |
# Whoo! | 1:40:20 | 1:40:21 | |
# So place your hard-earned peanuts in my tin | 1:40:24 | 1:40:29 | |
# And thank the Creator you're not in the state I'm in | 1:40:29 | 1:40:33 | |
# So long have I been languished on the shelf | 1:40:33 | 1:40:35 | |
# I must give all proceedings to myself | 1:40:36 | 1:40:39 | |
# Ha-ha! | 1:40:39 | 1:40:41 | |
# I'm Spasticus, Spasticus | 1:40:41 | 1:40:43 | |
# Spasticus Autisticus | 1:40:43 | 1:40:45 | |
# I'm Spasticus, Spasticus | 1:40:45 | 1:40:47 | |
# Spasticus Autisticus | 1:40:47 | 1:40:49 | |
# 54 appliances in leather and elastic | 1:40:49 | 1:40:53 | |
# 100,000 thank-yous from 27 spastics | 1:40:53 | 1:40:58 | |
# Spasticus | 1:40:58 | 1:40:59 | |
# Spasticus Autisticus | 1:40:59 | 1:41:01 | |
# I'm Spasticus, Spasticus | 1:41:01 | 1:41:03 | |
# Spasticus Autisticus | 1:41:03 | 1:41:05 | |
# Dribbling, wiggling Fiddling, nibbling | 1:41:05 | 1:41:07 | |
# Fiddling, diddling Widdling, diddling Spasticus... # | 1:41:07 | 1:41:12 | |
-I'm Spasticus! -I'm Spasticus! | 1:41:12 | 1:41:15 | |
# I'm Spasticus! # | 1:41:15 | 1:41:18 | |
Dad! | 1:41:18 | 1:41:20 | |
I'm Spasticus! | 1:41:20 | 1:41:22 | |
I'm Spasticus! | 1:41:22 | 1:41:25 | |
I'm Spasticus! | 1:41:26 | 1:41:27 | |
# One, two, three, four | 1:41:27 | 1:41:29 | |
# Spasticus! # | 1:41:29 | 1:41:31 | |
CROWD CHANTS: Ian! Ian! Ian! Ian! | 1:41:31 | 1:41:33 | |
And the moral of the story is... | 1:41:56 | 1:41:59 | |
..don't go looking for morals in stories. | 1:42:02 | 1:42:03 | |
If you want a message, fuck off down the post office. | 1:42:03 | 1:42:06 | |
Someone once asked me if I'd missed anything. | 1:42:08 | 1:42:13 | |
Well... | 1:42:13 | 1:42:14 | |
If I'd never had a good-looking girl, a great job, great haircut, | 1:42:16 | 1:42:22 | |
then I could complain, | 1:42:22 | 1:42:23 | |
but the only thing I've ever missed is a few buses. | 1:42:23 | 1:42:26 | |
One last time, Chazanova. | 1:42:30 | 1:42:32 | |
# Blue Gene baby. # | 1:42:36 | 1:42:38 | |
Now, there are a couple of ways to avoid death. | 1:42:41 | 1:42:44 | |
And one of them is to be magnificent. | 1:42:46 | 1:42:52 | |
And this is my favourite way. | 1:42:52 | 1:42:53 | |
# Skinny white sailor The chances were slender | 1:42:57 | 1:43:02 | |
# The beauties were brief | 1:43:02 | 1:43:04 | |
# Shall I mourn your decline with some Thunderbird wine | 1:43:06 | 1:43:11 | |
# And a black handkerchief? | 1:43:11 | 1:43:13 | |
# I miss your sad | 1:43:15 | 1:43:17 | |
# Virginia whisper | 1:43:19 | 1:43:21 | |
# I miss the voice | 1:43:24 | 1:43:26 | |
# That called my heart | 1:43:28 | 1:43:31 | |
# Sweet Gene Vincent | 1:43:34 | 1:43:40 | |
# Young and old | 1:43:43 | 1:43:47 | |
# And gone. # | 1:43:51 | 1:43:53 | |
# Why don't you get back into bed? | 1:44:42 | 1:44:43 | |
# Why don't you get back into bed? | 1:44:43 | 1:44:46 | |
# Why don't you get back into bed? | 1:44:46 | 1:44:48 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:44:48 | 1:44:52 | |
# Some of Buddy Holly The working folly | 1:44:52 | 1:44:53 | |
# Good Golly Miss Molly and boats | 1:44:53 | 1:44:56 | |
# Hammersmith Palais The Bolshoi Ballet | 1:44:56 | 1:44:58 | |
# Jump back in the alley add Nanny goats | 1:44:58 | 1:45:00 | |
# 18-wheeler Scammells Domineker camels | 1:45:00 | 1:45:02 | |
# All other mammals plus equal votes | 1:45:02 | 1:45:04 | |
# Seeing Piccadilly Fanny Smith and Willy | 1:45:04 | 1:45:06 | |
# Being rather silly and porridge oats | 1:45:06 | 1:45:08 | |
# A bit of grin and bear it a bit of come and share it | 1:45:08 | 1:45:10 | |
# You're welcome, we can spare it Yellow socks | 1:45:10 | 1:45:12 | |
# Too short to be haughty too nutty to be naughty | 1:45:12 | 1:45:14 | |
# Going on 40, no electric shocks | 1:45:14 | 1:45:16 | |
# The juice of the carrot the smile of the parrot | 1:45:16 | 1:45:18 | |
# A little drop of claret anything that rocks | 1:45:18 | 1:45:20 | |
# Elvis and Scotty days when I ain't spotty | 1:45:20 | 1:45:22 | |
# Sitting on the potty curing smallpox | 1:45:22 | 1:45:24 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:45:24 | 1:45:27 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:45:28 | 1:45:31 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:45:32 | 1:45:35 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful One, two, three | 1:45:36 | 1:45:40 | |
# One, two, three | 1:45:50 | 1:45:52 | |
# Health service glasses Gigolos and brasses | 1:45:52 | 1:45:54 | |
# Round or skinny bottoms | 1:45:54 | 1:45:56 | |
# Take your mum to Paris lighting up the chalice | 1:45:56 | 1:45:58 | |
# Wee Willie Harris | 1:45:58 | 1:46:00 | |
# Bantu Stephen Biko, listening to Rico Harpo, Groucho, Chico | 1:46:00 | 1:46:04 | |
# Cheddar cheese and pickle the Vincent motorsickle | 1:46:04 | 1:46:06 | |
# Slap and tickle | 1:46:06 | 1:46:08 | |
# Woody Allen, Dali Dimitri and Pasquale | 1:46:08 | 1:46:10 | |
# Balabalabala and Volare | 1:46:10 | 1:46:12 | |
# Something nice to study Phoning up a buddy | 1:46:12 | 1:46:14 | |
# Being in my nuddy | 1:46:14 | 1:46:16 | |
# Saying okey-dokey Sing-along-a-smokie | 1:46:16 | 1:46:18 | |
# Coming along a chokey | 1:46:18 | 1:46:20 | |
# John Coltrane's soprano Adi Celentano | 1:46:20 | 1:46:22 | |
# Bonar Colleano | 1:46:22 | 1:46:24 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:46:24 | 1:46:27 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:46:28 | 1:46:31 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:46:32 | 1:46:35 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful One, two, three | 1:46:36 | 1:46:40 | |
# Yes, yes, dear, dear | 1:46:48 | 1:46:49 | |
# Perhaps next year or maybe even never | 1:46:49 | 1:46:52 | |
# In which case | 1:46:52 | 1:46:56 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:47:28 | 1:47:32 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:47:32 | 1:47:35 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:47:36 | 1:47:39 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful One, two, three | 1:47:40 | 1:47:44 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:47:44 | 1:47:48 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:47:48 | 1:47:51 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful, part three | 1:47:52 | 1:47:55 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful One, two, three. # | 1:47:56 | 1:48:01 | |
Johnny! | 1:48:01 | 1:48:03 | |
# Reasons to be cheerful One, two, three | 1:48:36 | 1:48:40 | |
# Oi, oi, oi! | 1:48:43 | 1:48:44 | |
# One, two, three. # | 1:48:46 | 1:48:48 | |
Oi, oi. Oi. Oi. Oi. Oi. Oi. Oi. | 1:49:18 | 1:49:22 | |
Now, fuck off all of you. You're fired! | 1:49:22 | 1:49:25 | |
And go and be magnificent! | 1:49:25 | 1:49:26 |