How to Write


How to Write

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I write most of my stories in the first person,

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and I put myself centre stage

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in almost all of the stories that I write.

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Sometimes I call the main character Michael

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because I can't think of anything else, I'm that pathetic.

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I do put myself at the heart of a story,

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particularly if I have to feel that I'm there.

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For instance, I wrote a book called Private Peaceful.

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I wrote this book because of one thing I came across in a museum.

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I went to a place called Ypres in Belgium,

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which is the site of a terrible battle in the First World War.

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There's a wonderful museum there called In Flanders Field.

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I was walking out of the museum in tears,

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because it's such a powerful evocation of the futility of war,

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as Wilfred Owen called it.

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So, you come out feeling wretched,

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and the last thing I saw was a little letter in a frame on the wall,

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and it said "Dear Mrs so-and-so,

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"we regret to inform you that your son, Private so-and-so..."

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with a number,

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"was shot at dawn for cowardice, on such and such a date, 1916."

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Just above the little letter was an envelope ripped open.

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And as I saw the rip, my mind went straight to the mother,

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I could see her standing there,

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knowing that it was bad news, and then discovering,

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not only was her son dead, but the manner of his dying.

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How terrible that must have been.

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And then I thought "Hang on, it's not just good enough to feel this, find out more about it."

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I went to the man at the museum and said, "How many soldiers were shot for cowardice

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"in the First World War?"

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And he said "Over 300, and that's just on our side."

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And you just,

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you just can't imagine a world where that sort of thing could happen.

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I found it shocking, and then what I discovered was

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that all these years later this country had not pardoned them.

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I thought "Write a story about it." How do you write a story about it?

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Somehow you have to find the voice that shines the camera,

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if you like, at the story in the most powerful way you possibly can.

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In this particular case, what I decided to do

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was to tell the story from the point of view of one soldier.

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There were two soldiers in my story, brothers,

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and you don't know in the story which of them is going to get shot.

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What you do know is that in the morning, at six o'clock,

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when it always happened, something terrible is going to happen.

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And you are with one of the soldiers, and I tell it in the first person.

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I'm going to read you just half a page.

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This was my attempt really to become a 17-year-old young man,

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writing, speaking in 1916.

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It begins...

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Five past ten. They've gone now, and I'm alone at last.

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I have the whole night ahead of me,

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and I won't waste a single moment of it.

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I shan't sleep it away, I won't dream it away. I mustn't,

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because every moment of it will be far too precious.

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I want to try and remember everything, just as it was,

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just as it happened.

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I've had nearly 18 years of yesterdays and tomorrows,

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and tonight I must remember as many of them as I can.

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I want tonight to be long, as long as my life,

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not filled with fleeting dreams that rush me on towards dawn.

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Tonight, more than any other night in my life,

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I want to feel alive.

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It's tumbling upon things, you know. I was lucky enough,

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privileged enough, 35 years ago to meet, in my pub at home,

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in Devon, a soldier who'd been to the First World War.

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I knew he was an old bloke, he was in his 80s by then.

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I knew he'd been there, but I didn't know any more about him, and I hardly knew him, really.

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I sat down, and had half a pint with him, and I asked a question.

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I said, "What regiment were you in?"

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He said "I was in the Devon Yeomanry."

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And then he said something wonderful, which I never forgot, he said "I was there with 'orses."

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I said "What do you mean, with horses?" He said "Well, cavalry."

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And then he started talking, and we started talking.

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He told me what it was like to be 17, to leave these shores, to go across

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with the Yeomanry, and find himself in this appalling, appalling war.

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How he felt petrified,

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and how he found comfort in talking to his horse each night

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when he went to feed it.

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And he would talk to that horse as if it was his best friend, because it WAS his best friend.

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And he meant it.

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I felt, "This is the most extraordinary thing I've ever heard."

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Someone who talks to a horse.

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Then I thought "I'm not sure anyone has told the story of a horse,"

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and maybe if you told it through the horse's mouth,

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you could tell the story, not just of the British side,

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or the German side, or the French side,

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but a story of the universal suffering of the First World War.

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You have to forget, when you're sitting in front of an empty page, I think, that you are writing.

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What I've discovered is the best way to do it

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is to do what most kids like doing, which is to talk a story.

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You talk it, from your head, where the dreamtime has been,

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down your arms, through your fingers and onto the page.

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You let it flow, mistakes and all.

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You don't worry about the spelling, you don't worry about punctuation.

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I'm sorry, but you don't. You just get the stupid thing down there.

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I think it's rather like an artist sketching.

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When an artist is sketching, it's letting the line flow,

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capturing somehow the image of it. That's what I do when I first write.

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I tell it down onto the page, and then craft it afterwards.

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What I want to talk about this morning in this circus tent,

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outside a big castle, is happiness.

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In relationships, people go, "Oh, I just want to make you happy."

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Or "Why are you dumping me?" "I don't know, I just want to be happy.

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Right? Or, as I read in the paper yesterday,

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"Excuse me, sir, why are you kayaking off this 30-foot waterfall?"

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"I don't know, it just makes me happy."

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I want you to do one thing - write, it might be a lie,

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but write "I am happy."

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That's all you need to do. "I am happy."

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Now, I want you to cross out the word happy, because it's rubbish.

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OK, I want you to replace the word "happy"

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with something that means happy.

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For instance, I am a golden pinball machine,

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or I am a diamond toilet seat, or I am a huge roast dinner,

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or I am a paper bag full of lights,

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or... What's your favourite thing in the world?

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I am Pokemon. Is that your favourite thing in the world?! In the world!

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Oh, my God!

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A lot of the time in school, poetry is presented as something

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that is studious, or something that you have to decipher,

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like a crossword, or something that belongs on dusty shelves, in the past.

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So, that's perfect. I am a Dorito. I am a pizza, with what on top?

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-Pepperoni.

-Bubblewrap, amazing.

-Tomatoes.

-I am a shoe.

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A few more. A few more. Father Christmas. Moo cow.

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Say eating hamburgers makes you happy, you wouldn't say

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"I'm eating a hamburger."

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You would just say "I am a massive hamburger." Do you understand?

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Yeah, cool.

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Because a lot of the time, especially in poetry,

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people think it's a bit like, it has to mature, like cheese,

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and you can't really be taken seriously until you're 40, and you've got a beard.

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I am money in a bag, it feels better than, I am money, doesn't it?

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Like a sculptor, you need a block of stone in order to carve

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something out of it, you know?

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You don't want to be afraid of writing rubbish.

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Just get rid of the empty page, just write whatever comes into your head.

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-Chips to the power of two. It's all in the details.

-And ketchup.

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And, is happy cows part of it? Or is that a second one?

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Of course, of course, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot.

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Nothing is right or wrong, you know?

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We wrote as many images as we could, and made a big poem out of it.

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I'm an annoying spot on someone else's nose.

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It was electrifying.

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I am a Dorito, I am bubble-wrap I am music, I am mass destruction

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I am pizza with pepperoni I am money in a bag

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I'm a shoe

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I'm a kite I am the annoying spot on somebody else's nose.

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LAUGHTER

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I'm a red lava lamp

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I'm snowy days, I'm George Clooney in a leather Italian suit

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I am a chipmunk I'm high-pitched singing voices

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I am a turtle, I'm a piranha I'm an empty house thick with peace

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I'm a strawberry I'm a candy unicorn, I'm a carrot!

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LAUGHTER

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I'm Spongebob, I am Pingu I am Father Christmas

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I am a plethora of tall mountains I'm a rubber duck

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I'm a Mexican moustache I am a Lego man

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I'm a moo cow

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I AM THE TUNA THAT YOU FIND IN SANDWICHES!

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APPLAUSE

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Woo! That's you, that's you, I didn't write any of that.

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I'm a novelist, and that means I have to write something long,

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and continual, continuous, and I have to do it every day.

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I think poets work in a slightly different way.

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This may be why there is such a lot of First World War poetry,

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but no First World War novels.

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You can't write a novel in the trenches. You can't guarantee

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you're going to be there the next day, never mind being able to finish chapter 3, or whatever it is.

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Because writing a novel is not a sprint, it's not something you do in a hurry,

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it's something you do over a long time. So, if you get discouraged,

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when you're doing a long piece of work, don't worry, accept it.

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That's part of the job. That's part of what writing is,

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this feeling that you don't know what to write next, and you're bored, and you're fed up,

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you hate it, you wish you'd never begun.

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Good, you're doing the right thing, that's what it's like.

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I write about fantastical worlds because I'm lazy.

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I can't be bothered to go and do the research about the real world.

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It's much easier, much less effort, to sit at my desk and make it up.

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I never pick a plan for a novel when I'm writing.

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But I do look forward to bits that I'm going to write.

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I do think that when those two characters meet up,

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I will enjoy that that bit.

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Put yourself into the scene, what would you see if you were there?

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What is important about what you would see if you were there?

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The story is always the governor.

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In the book I'm holding here, The Amber Spyglass,

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which is the third part of His Dark Materials,

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there was a passage I was looking forward to writing.

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It's a passage when two important characters meet for the first time.

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The two characters that I'm talking about in this case were the boy Will,

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and the bear, Iorek Byrnison.

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Now, Will is a boy from our world, a very ordinary boy,

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there's nothing special about him.

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He hasn't got a special destiny, or, or special powers, or anything like that.

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He's discovered a weapon, a knife. It's called the Subtle Knife,

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a knife that can cut through anything.

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Now, Will and the bear have never met,

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they've never come face-to-face, but this is when they do.

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Will put his rucksack down and hoisted the helmet up on its end. He could barely lift it.

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It consisted of a single sheet of iron, dark and dented,

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with eyeholes on top, and a massive chain underneath.

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It was as long as Will's forearm, and as thick as his thumb.

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"So, this is your armour," he said.

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"Well, it doesn't look very strong to me.

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"I don't know if I can trust it. Let me see."

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He took the knife from the rucksack,

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and rested the edge against the front of the helmet,

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and sliced off a corner as if he was cutting butter.

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"That's what I thought," he said. He cut another, and another,

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reducing the massive thing to a pile of fragments in less than a minute.

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He stood up, and held out a handful. "That was your armour,"

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he said, and dropped the pieces with a clatter on the rest by his feet.

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"And this is my knife, and since your helmet was no good to me

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"you'll have to fight without it.

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"Are you ready, bear? I think we are well matched.

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"I could take off your head with one blow of my knife, after all."

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Utter stillness. The bear's black eyes glowed like pitch,

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Will felt a drop of sweat drop down his spine, and the bear's head moved.

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He shook it, took a step backwards. "Too strong a weapon," he said.

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"I can't fight that. Boy, you win."

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Will knew a second later that people would cheer and whoop,

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so even before the bear had finished saying the word "win",

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Will have begin to turn and call out to keep them quiet.

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"Now, you must keep the bargain, look after the wounded people,

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"start repairing the buildings. Let the boat tie up and refuel." The bear spoke quietly,

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in a voice that seemed to throb as tightly as the ship's engines.

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"What is your name?" He said. "What do you seek?" "I'm Will Parry.

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"You're going up the river, and I want to come with you.

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"I'm going to the mountains, and this is the quickest way. Will you take me?"

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"Yes. I want to see that knife."

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"I will only show it to a bear I can trust.

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"There is one bear I've heard of who's trustworthy,

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"he is the king of the bears, a friend of the girl I'm going to the mountains to find.

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"Her name is Lyra Silvertongue, the bear is called Iorek Byrnison."

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"I am Iorek Byrnison," said the bear. "I know you are," said Will.

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Write whatever you like to read.

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If you're interested in writing professionally,

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don't think of the market for one second.

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Publishers always want to say,

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write something that was like the bestseller last year. We want another bestseller,

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therefore you write one like the one that is gone before.

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I'd say the opposite, write only what you think.

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Nobody else will be interested in the world but you, but write that,

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as that'll be the thing that will come deeply and truly out of you,

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and what will make the most impression on other people.

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I think one of the most useful things that anyone ever said to me

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was a literary agent, and she said, "We wouldn't expect

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"a violinist to pick up a violin

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"and start playing a Bach sonata, and yet we do expect

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"writers to write this peerless prose without anything."

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You're allowed the nuts and bolts,

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just in the same way that a musician will have to practise their scales.

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With writing, as well, you can write about things,

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you can write about familiar things before you make yourself

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go off and do the really scary, difficult stuff.

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Even just getting home from school, and getting straight on the phone to friends,

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if that's something that gives you pleasure, and is an important part of your life,

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then that's something you can use to write about.

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That's a starting point.

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Some writers like to plot it out, and know where they're going, have a lot of the stuff filled in.

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I remember Hilary Mantel saying that when she first started writing

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she used to have a yellow Post-it notes on the wall, saying what was going to happen at each stage.

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And some writers just like to dive in, start swimming,

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and hope they don't sink, and that's what they like.

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I think it's horses for courses.

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I wouldn't want to say you've got to do it this way,

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it's all about giving people permission to find the way to write that works for them.

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Go off, and in the next two days, just note down a bit of conversation

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that you've overheard between two people,

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and then use that as a starting point for a story or a play, or, you know, something.

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There's material all around us, all the time.

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Dive right in to the character you are writing about,

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or the situation you're writing about.

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That's the only way to forget you as the author, as the writer.

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So, you think to yourself "OK, what is this character?

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"How does this character eat? How does this character think?

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"How does this character tie their shoe?"

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Or whatever, that was just an example.

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The only way to escape from yourself,

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is to lose yourself in whatever you are writing.

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Some people write because they want to be heard.

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Some write because they have something they really want to say,

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and some write because they just can't stop themselves.

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Some people write because they want to change the world,

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and they're all really valid reasons.

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You only need to know why YOU want to write,

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you don't need to know why anyone else wants to write.

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We're going to concentrate on holidays, a holiday that you've been on.

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It might be like the holiday when you were three years old,

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or one when you were ten. Any kind of holiday.

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It could be a terrible holiday, or a really great holiday,

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it doesn't matter.

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The idea was to get the children writing some stories,

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it's as simple as that.

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-Hey, Daniel, what are you doing?

-Belgium, innit.

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-What did you see in Belgium?

-Trees.

-There?

-Yeah.

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You see trees and houses.

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We tried to start by giving them quite structured tasks to do, which would then lead in

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to an exercise where they literally had to sit down and write out a story.

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We went into the village, and we were in the shop,

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and it was really strange because they had all these puppets,

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and randomly one of them started going "I love you,"

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and then started laughing in an evil accent. It was so weird.

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That's fantastic, that's great. Often there's real gems there.

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You wouldn't necessarily get one with a beginning, middle and end,

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but you might get a great phrase or image,

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or something funny, or a great little character observation.

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I could feel the comfort softness of the ground below

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and taste the barbecued food through the hallway.

0:18:260:18:29

The idea of what they could see, feel, hear and taste.

0:18:290:18:32

I remember smelling the fresh mountain tops,

0:18:320:18:34

so pure it reminded me of peace.

0:18:340:18:35

And then we gave them a genre. It's a comedy, or whatever you get given.

0:18:350:18:39

And your celebrity, your celebrity is your main character in your story.

0:18:390:18:43

Simon Cowell was one, Beyonce was another, and they had to put

0:18:430:18:45

those three elements together -

0:18:450:18:48

their memories, the genre, and the famous person, and turn it into a story, simple.

0:18:480:18:53

-Right, what do we think? Kissing.

-You could have people being tragic.

0:18:530:18:57

-Tragic. Death.

-We're going to do a tragic love story.

0:18:570:19:04

A tragic love story, that's what we're thinking.

0:19:040:19:08

You can write about anything. There are no no-entry signs.

0:19:080:19:11

It's not like this really complicated thing,

0:19:110:19:14

that only famous people can do.

0:19:140:19:16

Simon Cowell sped down the gloomy, menacing streets

0:19:160:19:20

of San Juan, Ibiza, looking for that pathetic, greasy villain,

0:19:200:19:25

Louis Walsh.

0:19:250:19:26

Louis was happy dancing the Macarena with a teacher called

0:19:260:19:29

Miss Hughes, who yet just met at Oceania.

0:19:290:19:32

LAUGHTER

0:19:320:19:34

I don't know why that's funny!

0:19:340:19:37

LAUGHTER

0:19:370:19:40

OK, calm down. "Oh, look!" exclaimed Miss Hughes, "There's Simon Cowell."

0:19:400:19:45

Louis took one look, turned, and ran to Simon's Roller outside.

0:19:450:19:49

Swiftly, he hotwired it, and raced off into the night,

0:19:490:19:53

and crashed the car.

0:19:530:19:54

"Got you now," smiled Simon, and quickly texted his mum

0:19:550:19:59

the news that Louis was being done for drunk-driving

0:19:590:20:01

knowing that the News Of The World would be reading the text

0:20:010:20:04

within minutes, and he would get his popularity back for a start.

0:20:040:20:09

Now, what I want you to do, I want you to think of the two sides of your personality.

0:20:170:20:21

One side of you might be pretty helpful, really want to just...

0:20:210:20:26

The other side you might just want to stay in bed for ever.

0:20:260:20:31

One side of you might really want to be kind to people,

0:20:310:20:33

and really care whenever you see anyone else in pain.

0:20:330:20:37

The other side might feel angry, and aggressive and

0:20:380:20:42

"Oh, these people are so annoying!"

0:20:420:20:45

OK, so, I want you to give a name to the two sides of your personality.

0:20:450:20:48

It might be something simple like Jack and John,

0:20:480:20:50

or something more complicated. Don't think too much about names,

0:20:500:20:54

and write me a poem, each, telling me what they get up to.

0:20:540:20:57

Go. There might be a moment when the two sides of you have to meet,

0:20:570:21:02

or they come into conflict, or something happens,

0:21:020:21:06

or there is a situation where one of them has to take charge.

0:21:060:21:10

If any of you are really trying to rhyme it, and your getting this thing

0:21:100:21:14

where you get "dog, log, fog..." just break out of the rhyme, because otherwise

0:21:140:21:18

the rhyme ends up controlling you. I generally say don't bother rhyming.

0:21:180:21:22

If you've finished, you can just sit there and stare into space, and think about how cool you are.

0:21:250:21:30

OK, cool. Let's hear some.

0:21:300:21:32

Charlie likes to sing in the rain And dance away yesterday's tattooed pain

0:21:320:21:36

but Ron likes to pick people up And dangle them 70,000 feet from a purple crane.

0:21:360:21:40

-Right.

-Oh God.

0:21:400:21:42

Bill looked in the mirror Ben stared back, giving each other glares

0:21:420:21:46

Bill liked talking to carrots

0:21:460:21:49

Ben liked wrestling bears

0:21:490:21:51

Bill loved riding his unicorn along the sea

0:21:510:21:53

Ben liked using a plant pot as a head.

0:21:530:21:56

Woo!

0:21:560:21:57

APPLAUSE

0:21:570:21:59

It might not be perfect poetry,

0:21:590:22:01

but actually it's poetry you can't write when you're older.

0:22:010:22:05

This isn't the best poem I've written.

0:22:050:22:07

Sorry, you must never apologise before you read anything, ever, ever.

0:22:070:22:11

I'm not sorry for anything, OK?

0:22:110:22:13

LAUGHTER

0:22:130:22:15

Yeah, this poem says quite a lot about me, it doesn't rhyme,

0:22:150:22:18

but yeah, don't expect anything too much.

0:22:180:22:20

I'm sorry.

0:22:200:22:22

LAUGHTER

0:22:220:22:24

I take all that back!

0:22:250:22:27

My soul is burning fiercely, never connected

0:22:280:22:31

The embers are burning the metaphorical bridge

0:22:310:22:33

the gateway of separation

0:22:330:22:34

I'm bathed in a dark loneliness Yet I'm surrounded by friends and loving family.

0:22:340:22:39

It was just lovely to see them all laughing,

0:22:390:22:42

whilst writing really quite serious, and funny, and poignant stuff.

0:22:420:22:48

My voice projects to you this very moment

0:22:480:22:51

To say our blueprint is the same Let's put a full stop to the hate

0:22:510:22:54

And let's put a full stop to the fighting.

0:22:540:22:56

You know when you close your eyes, just before you fall asleep,

0:22:560:22:59

and you have that kind of cinema rolling on your eyelids? Yeah? We all have a different cinema,

0:22:590:23:04

a different film playing,

0:23:040:23:07

and all of those pictures and memories, and dreams, and kind of,

0:23:070:23:12

mad thoughts that you personally link stuff together,

0:23:120:23:15

that's your material, what you use to write.

0:23:150:23:17

What's the point of feelings otherwise?

0:23:170:23:20

We're full of this stuff, but where do we put it?

0:23:200:23:23

Poetry gives us a place to put it. Thank you very much.

0:23:230:23:27

APPLAUSE

0:23:270:23:30

You've been amazing.

0:23:300:23:31

One of the things that happens when you are a writer,

0:23:390:23:41

and you kind of say to yourself that you are a writer,

0:23:410:23:44

is that you get more faith in your own process.

0:23:440:23:46

You think that after I've tackled this rubbish idea a few times,

0:23:460:23:51

and after I've applied all of my best tricks to it, it will get better.

0:23:510:23:55

There isn't any point in rattling around with the idea

0:23:550:23:58

that you might be a writer one day, it might suddenly happen. You've got to start writing.

0:23:580:24:03

What I wanted to write about is,

0:24:030:24:06

we've all been today in this amazing castle.

0:24:060:24:10

It's quite a strong place, with a strong personality,

0:24:100:24:13

it's something that's worth writing about.

0:24:130:24:16

We're going to be writing a poem, and for me,

0:24:160:24:19

the basic unit of what a poem is, is an image.

0:24:190:24:22

When you use a picture out of your senses,

0:24:220:24:27

out of your concrete information about the world, to bring your idea alive.

0:24:270:24:31

The other basic unit of a poem is a comparison, an analogy,

0:24:310:24:33

when you say something IS something else, or is LIKE something else.

0:24:330:24:38

We're going to be thinking about the things that this castle is like.

0:24:380:24:44

If this castle was an animal, what kind of animal would it be?

0:24:440:24:51

Try and be really specific.

0:24:510:24:53

If this castle was a kind of food, what sort of food would it be?

0:24:550:25:00

If it was a pudding, what kind of pudding?

0:25:000:25:03

If it was a joint of meat, what sort of meat are we talking about?

0:25:050:25:09

I want it very specific. I want the adjectives in there.

0:25:090:25:12

I want the colour, I want the smell.

0:25:120:25:14

If this castle was a time of day, what time of day is it?

0:25:140:25:18

Is it a late-night place? Is it the middle of the night?

0:25:180:25:25

Is it noon, is it late afternoon? Is it stormy?

0:25:250:25:29

Is it a tranquil afternoon? Is this castle spring? Is it midsummer?

0:25:290:25:37

Late autumn? Is it in its winter?

0:25:380:25:40

It is the dusk, just before the sunset, about 6pm,

0:25:500:25:54

and the wedding cake looks like a rusty old bus.

0:25:540:25:58

Honey badgers roam the gravel driveways amongst the Ford Kas

0:25:580:26:02

with their leather smell, and Rolls-Royces,

0:26:020:26:04

parked up calm as sloths.

0:26:040:26:07

The turkey has been thoroughly stuffed, the curry is thick

0:26:070:26:11

with raisins, and if you listen hard,

0:26:110:26:14

the castle is breathing like a dragon,

0:26:140:26:16

and whispering, "off with his head,"

0:26:160:26:19

and, "Save me, I'm going to collapse."

0:26:200:26:23

Nothing is real, and the English breakfast tea tastes cold but sunny.

0:26:230:26:28

A silver plate crammed high with mussels,

0:26:280:26:30

chips and lamb chops is carried past by an old, deaf butler.

0:26:300:26:34

His hearing aid isn't arriving until Tuesday.

0:26:340:26:38

Everything is covered in dust, but the dust is clean,

0:26:390:26:43

clean as the silver back of a gorilla.

0:26:430:26:47

Clean as the slice through the meat of a wild boar,

0:26:470:26:51

when it's bleeding with red wine sauce.

0:26:510:26:54

Darlings, let's sit here together, and smell the cigars.

0:26:540:27:00

Cos nobody outside can reach us, and we can stay

0:27:000:27:04

until the sun goes down, wearing old cardigans, eating sherry trifle.

0:27:040:27:10

APPLAUSE

0:27:120:27:13

I think if you are a writer, you have to live a really interesting life.

0:27:160:27:21

You have to talk to people, listen to people, go places,

0:27:210:27:25

read books like crazy, fiction, non-fiction,

0:27:250:27:28

watch telly, watch movies.

0:27:280:27:30

Simply drink the world into your head,

0:27:300:27:33

so that you have this huge well full of the events of your life.

0:27:330:27:37

One of my favourite stories when I was a kid was about

0:27:370:27:40

two siblings who shared a bedroom. They hate each other,

0:27:400:27:43

and they put a skipping rope down the middle of the bedroom.

0:27:430:27:46

So, one of them gets the window, and one gets the door, which immediately raises problems.

0:27:460:27:50

I've never been able to find it again, but it's really stuck with me.

0:27:500:27:53

Memory is very important. And the memory of what we felt like at a particular age.

0:27:530:27:59

Memory of what was the first kiss you ever had,

0:27:590:28:02

the first time you ever heard a piece of music

0:28:020:28:04

that later came to mean a great deal to you, things like this.

0:28:040:28:08

If you keep those memories fresh you will be able to draw on them.

0:28:080:28:11

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:510:28:57

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:570:29:01

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