Episode 2 Alan Davies Après-ski


Episode 2

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Hello, I'm Alan Davies and welcome to Apres-ski!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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So, we have had the first week of the Winter Olympics in Sochi

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and what a week it's been.

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Lizzy Yarnold has won gold!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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It's been all about the skeleton today. The skeleton

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course in Sochi, one of the toughest in the world.

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The toughest part of the course is the labyrinth,

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the fastest is the long straight

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and the nicest is the Muller corner, especially the strawberry.

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LAUGHTER

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Team GB's Jamie "Woodsy" Woods was

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competing in the slopestyle yesterday,

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the BBC website had described him as a concrete medal hope.

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Turns out that's what you get for coming fifth.

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LAUGHTER

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The week started well for us on Sunday, Jenny Jones won

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Britain's first ever Olympic medal on the snow!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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And, of course, once Jenny had won her medal,

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the cameras ambushed her with her parents.

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They did the same thing with our 18-year-old skier,

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Katie Summerhayes.

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Just what a teenager wants, "Mum, Dad, shut up!"

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LAUGHTER

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Forecasters have predicted high temperatures of 17 degrees

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at the Olympic Park this week, which has got everyone worried.

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Any warmer and President Putin will be getting his shirt off again.

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LAUGHTER

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Incidentally, Jenny Jones is also an accomplished surfer, so

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if it does get any warmer in Sochi she could be up for another medal.

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CHEERING

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Britain has also been doing OK in the curling.

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Although, I say Britain, I mean Scotland, of course.

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Yes, quite right. What would happen if Scotland votes for independence?

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They'll be going, "Bye now, good luck with the curling."

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And we'll be going, "Yeah, good luck with the funding!"

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LAUGHTER

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Two Canadian sisters won gold

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and silver in the women's moguls this week. There they are.

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There were actually three sisters competing in the event,

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Justine, Chloe and Maxime or as their mum

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and dad now call them, gold, silver and the other one.

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LAUGHTER

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The oldest one missed out on a medal.

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I bet she now regrets saying yes when the younger ones said,

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-"Can we borrow your skis?"

-LAUGHTER

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Incidentally, even with three sisters competing,

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Canadian TV didn't feel the need to surprise them

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by bringing out their parents at the end.

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LAUGHTER

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Meanwhile, in a nightclub in Sochi earlier this week,

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President Putin was seen hugging a medal winner who was a lesbian.

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I say hugging, could have been a headlock.

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LAUGHTER

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One step at a time, eh, Vladimir.

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Let the games begin!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Hello, hello, hello.

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On the Apres-ski furs this week, representing Canada,

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comedian Katherine Ryan.

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From Norway, please welcome talk show host Else Kass Furuseth.

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And representing the West Country, it's Bill Bailey.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Now, before we chat to all our lovely guests,

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let's enjoy the hot news from Sochi, we've won a gold!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Come on!

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Team GB's Lizzy Yarnold demolished the field

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in the skeleton.

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-She's going to beat it.

-Come on, Lizzy, last corner.

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Lizzy Yarnold is the Olympic Champion! Oh, my goodness!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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-So, Bill, makes you proud, that?

-It does.

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It's fantastic, isn't it?

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I mean, now people will be taking skeletons out into the streets...

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LAUGHTER

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Going down hills in streets in Britain.

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I mean, it's brilliant, it's fantastic that it'll,

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hopefully, this will inspire a lot of people to get out there

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and get involved in this.

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-Now, you're a keen skier, of course.

-I am.

-Famously. Here's Bill...

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-Oh, yes.

-..as a young man there.

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What he's done there is he's gone down the mud,

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across the mud and stopped at the snow.

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Stopped at the snow, yeah.

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Yeah, that's what you did in the West Country

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in the '70s. That was actually just outside Taunton.

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LAUGHTER

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Yeah, '70s, yeah, '70s fashion's not very sort of...

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a bit counterintuitive with ski-wear, you know?

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-Not what you'd call a breathable fabric.

-No, it's not really, no.

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We had great big flared ski pants.

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Well, you do seem to miss a point in your photo album that skiing

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is largely a winter sport.

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-Yes.

-There is... We have another fine shot of you.

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-LAUGHTER

-Oh, yes.

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Now this was...

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LAUGHTER

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..this was at that well-known ski resort, Bristol...

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on the dry slope.

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I went down on this dry slope a bit and then

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when we got to Italy, I think it was Tremalzo we went to first,

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I had no idea how fast the snow was going to be.

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I'd learnt on this dry slope and I got there and somebody said,

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"Have you learnt on a dry slope?"

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And I went, "Yeah, I can ski, yeah...skied on a carpet.

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And then you get on snow and it's 48,000 times faster.

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It's just aaaargh!

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Marvellous fashions, very good to see.

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Now, Katherine Ryan, it's wonderful that you're here.

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Canadian, of course. They know all about the winter sports.

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Every day is a winter sport in Canada.

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LAUGHTER

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Always doing the skeleton to work, you're skiing.

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I mean, what you see as a train cancellation is

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an opportunity for glory.

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LAUGHTER

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And you were a curler, in your time?

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I was a member of the Sarnia Golf and Curling Club

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and my father told me, "You'd better be good at curling and golf

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"cos that'll help you in business." And I became a comedian, so... LAUGHTER

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I was not very good at either.

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There's a slightly cryptic bit of advice there.

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I sweep a good floor, though.

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You should see my kitchen.

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Come on over. Spotless!

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And also, fantastic to have a Norwegian here.

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Else, talk show host from Norway, in her own country...quite famous.

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Gold medal in your house? Everyone's won one, haven't they?

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Everyone's won one. It's very nice to be here, thank you,

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on Valentine's day.

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I can take the hint. It's very nice.

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LAUGHTER

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I came all the way from Norway to meet you. Erm, but...

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It's true, it's true.

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But, in Norway, all the people are talking about Olympics all the time.

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So, all of them are out skiing as well.

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I'm, actually, the fattest person in Norway.

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LAUGHTER

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You, famously, have very passionate fans, of course, in Norway.

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We have a picture of some of your fans here.

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-Let's see these guys.

-Yes!

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I'm proud.

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Cannot help noticing that everyone has left.

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LAUGHTER

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I don't know what they've done to clear that stand.

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Well, the Vikings arrived, obviously.

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The Vikings arrived and everyone thought, "I'm off!"

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There's a famous saying that all the Norwegians are born with

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the skis on their feet.

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-That's painful, isn't it?

-Yes...yes.

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LAUGHTER

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I've never given birth but, yes, maybe...maybe, yes.

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Oh, I would imagine that would hinder giving birth.

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You'll like this one as well. This is one of your speed skaters,

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Havard Bokko. Have a look at this shot, I like this one.

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There he is!

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LAUGHTER

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Here he is with the flaming Bokko itself.

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-Typical Norwegian humour.

-Flaming Bokko, no, that's dangerous.

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You need to get that checked out, immediately.

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Every tourist to Sochi is going to do that now.

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It's going to be like the Japanese tourists

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and the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

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Well, now, of course, the other big story for Team GB this week

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was Jenny Jones' brilliant bronze in the snowboard slopestyle.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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There's Jenny Jones, there. Well done, Jenny.

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Now, if you were watching the BBC coverage,

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you'll know that joining the commentary team

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of Ed Leigh and Tim Warwood,

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to watch Jenny's run, was her Team GB team-mate Aimee Fuller.

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And the three of them got quite carried away.

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I can feel my pulse in my lower intestine.

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-I feel slightly sick after watching that.

-That's not your pulse, Ed.

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I can't feel my left leg, is that normal?

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I've got pins and needles in the bottom of my hands.

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-I've lost the ability to use my arms.

-I feel like I'm going to be sick.

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-Oh, she's down!

-Ha-ha! Woohoo!

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-We're not one.

-Are we supposed to do that? Probably not.

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I think I might cry.

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You can cry, Aimee, it's all right.

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Well, both Ed and Aimee crying and now I'm going.

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-Oh, my God.

-All professionalism goes straight out the window here.

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LAUGHTER

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There we go. That's how we react to a bronze here.

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LAUGHTER

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I'd like half a pint of whatever they were drinking.

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What were they thinking? Let's find out.

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Team GB snowboarder, part-time commentator Aimee Fuller!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Thank you very much.

2:11:322:11:34

Aimee Fuller is here. Can I say, I'm stoked to meet you!

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-Well, I'm glad you're stoked.

-It is rad!

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It is rad, it's rad to be here.

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You are going to rip the lid off this interview!

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Are you going to huck it, though?

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-Just huck it.

-Oh, huck it! See, that's the thing they say.

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Just huck it, yeah.

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LAUGHTER

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Aimee, pleased for Lizzy Yarnold? I expect you're very pleased.

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Erm, so pumped! I just watched it there in the dressing room and, erm,

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she's the nicest human.

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Again, like, lovely character and I'm buzzing for her,

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she absolutely slayed it.

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She's been killing it consistently just throughout, I think,

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the whole season, so yeah, amazing result!

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You're really pleased.

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This seems to be a bit of a thing amongst the Winter Olympians,

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especially with the snowboarders,

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you do genuinely seem to like each other and want each other

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to do well...apart from perhaps the Austrian girl who fell over and...

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Was that the best bit for you? The Jones winning

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or the Austrian girl falling over.

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I think that got slightly misinterpreted, erm,

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it was a genuine yelp of happiness as Jenny had just won a medal.

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It wasn't the fact that Anna had fallen over.

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Anna's a good friend of mine as well, erm,

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I'd actually picked her for gold.

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So, besides losing the bet that I'd placed with Ed

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and Tim as to who was to win, I was gutted that Anna, erm,

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hadn't won but at the same time my best friend just won a medal.

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So, yeah, kind of...emotions ran wild!

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-Very exciting.

-It was exciting. I mean, why would you not be excited?

2:12:542:12:57

Of course, I was excited, I was watching it on the TV.

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Very exciting.

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Particularly...we don't win medals at the Winter Olympics, normally,

2:13:022:13:05

-it's just fantastic.

-Yeah.

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And we don't get excited either.

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We're much more like the traditional English commentator to be much

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more of the, "Oh, well, probably fall over in a minute."

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Absolutely splendid...well done, Jenny Jones, from the UK.

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You'll make a wonderful parent because

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when a child falls you're meant to go, "Yeah!" And then they don't cry.

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Ok...now, Else, also of course...

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It was a bronze, wasn't it?

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Yes, so it was like...

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No, I'm just kidding.

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It's OK for you to say that cos you're from Norway.

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Come on, you've got mountains and everything.

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People cry when we get bronze, you know,

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-So...

-Do they?

2:13:452:13:47

Yeah, we cry when we get bronze!

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So exciting!

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But we're like four million

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and the four million people are out skiing.

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Of course, now you Norwegians are famously ice-cool

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and calm in commentary.

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-We'll show you a clip now...

-Yes.

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..to illustrate that.

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COMMENTATOR: Lord Nelson!

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Lord Beaverbrook! Sir Winston Churchill!

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Sir Anthony Eden! Clement Atlee!

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Henry Cooper! Lady Diana!

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Maggie Thatcher!

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Can you hear me? Maggie Thatcher!

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Your boys took a hell of a beating!

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APPLAUSE

2:14:332:14:36

Marvellous stuff. Now, Aimee, you got a bit steamed up during the snowboarding,

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when your roommate won a medal, which we completely understand

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but we thought we'd give you another chance at another winter sport,

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-there should be a microphone there for you.

-Oh, thank you very much.

2:14:472:14:50

A bit of curling. Let's see how you get on with the curling!

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Don't know too much about curling but I'll give it a shot.

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Pushing a stone...

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-OK.

-..on the ice.

2:14:562:14:58

-So, he's going in.

-He's going in for the power slide.

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Tongue came out, his tongue was out!

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And there's another stone! Another stone!

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He missed it!

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Does this get your juices flowing, Bill?

2:15:102:15:12

Do you think there are any other options they could go with on the curling?

2:15:122:15:15

Yeah, I always thought, to make curling more interesting,

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they could curl furniture.

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LAUGHTER

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Create a living room scene.

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Yeah, one of the team-mates can be in the chair, like this.

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LAUGHTER

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Then slowly, just slowly slide around.

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Then they're in and they go, "Right, send down the sofa."

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The sofa comes around.

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Then a telly...you could construct a living room.

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The living room that's most effectively arranged,

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you know, wins points.

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That would be very good.

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-The Japanese would be really good at that.

-They would be excellent.

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All feng shui, all flowing, it would be beautiful.

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Would you be the person sitting on the chair or pushing?

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Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

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-Just chilling, laid back.

-That would be the best sport ever!

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-Yeah, I'm an Olympian, yeah...

-LAUGHTER

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I've got a remote here, there we go.

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A couple of fairground people giving you spin on the way down.

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Here it goes, spin it round.

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How is that different from the skeleton?

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They're just lying down.

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It looks like the only sport that could be won by a real skeleton.

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An actual skeleton.

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It's the only sport that you could win whilst reading a book.

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LAUGHTER

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You think you've got to keep your neck up.

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You've got to be very limber, haven't you, to do the skeleton?

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You've got to be limber about the neck.

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You've got to be gnarly to do that, like, there's not many people that

2:16:322:16:35

could hold themselves to that tray at, what, 100 and something...?

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-It's something ridiculous.

-Have you tried it, Aimee? Have you had a go?

2:16:392:16:42

No, I actually randomly met a German and he was like,

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"You have to come ride on my sled."

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And I was like, "Erm, OK..."

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LAUGHTER

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That was chat-up line, I think.

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I wasn't impressed either way.

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But, Else, I wondered

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if you'd like to have a go at a bit of curling commentary.

2:16:572:16:59

OK, I'm not sure but I'll try.

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I want to hear it.

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OK, it'll be something like this...

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Lord Sugar! Nick Clegg! Ant and Dec!

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Joey Essex!

2:17:122:17:14

Alan Titchmarsh! Bob Crow!

2:17:142:17:18

Harry Potter! Gyles Brandreth!

2:17:182:17:23

Mrs Brown! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

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APPLAUSE

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Now, you know, we all love the Winter Olympics on Apres-ski.

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The skill and the commitment of the athletes are so impressive

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but even with all the practice and the training,

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things don't always go according to plan.

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The crashes have begun!

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CHEERING

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We love the falling over.

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Some people couldn't even wait until the action had officially started.

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LAUGHTER

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Somebody wiping out during the opening ceremony.

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The speed-skating...the speed-skating can always be

2:18:012:18:04

relied upon for some thrills and spills, you'll like this.

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There he goes...and, oh!

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He's gone down.

2:18:112:18:13

There's an Australian going, "Oh, jeez, it's cold, mate. Bloody hell!"

2:18:132:18:17

What is this stuff?

2:18:172:18:19

LAUGHTER

2:18:192:18:20

Sometimes the coaches like to get in on the action.

2:18:202:18:22

Aimee, you might recognise this one. See what you think of this one.

2:18:222:18:25

COMMENTATOR: Oh, no. She's got to go back up to the top.

2:18:252:18:28

Someone set her off...she's either set off early or the marshal's

2:18:282:18:30

got it a bit wrong.

2:18:302:18:32

She's got the walk of shame back up here. It's not really the walk...

2:18:322:18:35

Oh, no! She almost goes down.

2:18:352:18:39

-That's so funny, Team Austria...

-He's trying to push her now.

2:18:392:18:43

Oh, my goodness.

2:18:492:18:51

What is going on?

2:18:512:18:53

Quick, Anna, get to the top!

2:18:532:18:55

That was you...that was you, that was one of your bits.

2:18:552:18:57

-That was you?

-That was me, yeah.

2:18:572:18:59

How embarrassing.

2:18:592:19:00

That wasn't me falling, that was me screaming and talking overly loud.

2:19:002:19:04

Screaming and talking very well, though. Very entertaining it was.

2:19:042:19:07

Now, I've been watching the Winter Olympics long

2:19:072:19:09

since...long before Aimee was born, since I was a tiny boy.

2:19:092:19:12

In all that time, there is one athlete

2:19:122:19:14

who has always been my favourite.

2:19:142:19:16

He won the 1976 downhill gold at Innsbruck with the most

2:19:202:19:23

famous ski run of all time.

2:19:232:19:25

Bill, you'll recognise this, I'm sure.

2:19:252:19:28

-It's Klammer.

-Absolutely etched into my memory, 1976.

2:19:282:19:33

I was 11 years old, this is the most exciting run, I think,

2:19:332:19:37

I've ever seen.

2:19:372:19:38

-Fantastic!

-Absolutely fantastic!

2:19:382:19:41

APPLAUSE

2:19:412:19:43

It's the great Franz Klammer and by the miracle of Skype,

2:19:432:19:46

he can join us now.

2:19:462:19:48

Franz Klammer, ladies and gentlemen!

2:19:482:19:50

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

2:19:502:19:53

Franz, thank you so much for joining us.

2:19:562:19:58

It's a great honour to speak to you. Where are you now, are you in Sochi?

2:19:582:20:01

Or at home?

2:20:012:20:02

No, I just came back home.

2:20:022:20:03

I was in Sochi and I was very impressed by the Olympics

2:20:032:20:07

but now I'm back home and relaxing and watch everything from TV.

2:20:072:20:11

Oh, that's fantastic.

2:20:112:20:12

So, now, back in your day, when you were racing the Olympics, you

2:20:122:20:16

were 22 years old, the commentator said you were right on the edge.

2:20:162:20:20

Was that the Klammer way?

2:20:202:20:21

Yeah, the way of skiing, I was waving to the crowd,

2:20:232:20:25

you know, you have to be friendly while you go down.

2:20:252:20:28

LAUGHTER

2:20:282:20:29

So, the Klammer way, do you continue that into other things?

2:20:292:20:32

Do you play golf the Klammer way?

2:20:322:20:34

Usually, I go a little bit wide, that's true.

2:20:342:20:37

HE LAUGHS

2:20:372:20:39

But I slow down later on, yes.

2:20:392:20:43

Now, I read somewhere that you said something about modern day

2:20:432:20:46

downhill, you think of it slightly sanitised.

2:20:462:20:50

It's a bit too businesslike? Is that what you think about it these days?

2:20:502:20:53

Was it more fun in your day?

2:20:532:20:55

I think we had more fun because we were amateurs.

2:20:552:20:58

We were not responsible for anybody but us

2:20:582:21:02

so we had a big camaraderie and we tried to beat each other

2:21:022:21:06

but after that, we were partying together

2:21:062:21:08

and we were hanging out together and we just did everything together.

2:21:082:21:11

That was the fun thing but now it's very much,

2:21:112:21:15

big guys fly in by helicopter and fly out by helicopter.

2:21:152:21:19

They don't share the passion, they don't share the fun of the sport.

2:21:192:21:24

We've got one of the...Aimee Fuller here,

2:21:242:21:27

one of the Team GB snowboarders.

2:21:272:21:29

Do you think if you were a young guy now, might you be a snowboarder?

2:21:292:21:33

Do you think that's where the fun is?

2:21:332:21:35

HE LAUGHS

2:21:352:21:36

I think the snowboarders have a lot of fun

2:21:362:21:39

and the new sports is great to watch and you can see there is a big

2:21:392:21:42

camaraderie, like in the old days in skiing.

2:21:422:21:45

Yeah, but I like my two sticks,

2:21:452:21:49

two boards...I like to be on the two boards and I think I could do,

2:21:492:21:53

or can do much better with skis than with snowboard.

2:21:532:21:56

I tried it and it was not really my sport.

2:21:562:21:59

LAUGHTER

2:21:592:22:00

Speed is very much your thing.

2:22:002:22:02

Can I ask you about Matthias Mayer,

2:22:022:22:04

he's won the downhill gold this time around, the Austrian skier.

2:22:042:22:07

Hasn't won a race for years,

2:22:072:22:09

suddenly produces the performance of his life.

2:22:092:22:12

Gave the Brits hope, actually.

2:22:122:22:14

What did you make of Mayer's run?

2:22:142:22:15

Yeah, I think that was the gutsy performance of the day

2:22:172:22:20

because he was close to being a favourite

2:22:202:22:24

but Matthias Mayer did everything right, he was the most

2:22:242:22:27

consistent guy on the mountain and he was gutsy enough to go for it.

2:22:272:22:32

That's the most important thing in the Olympics.

2:22:322:22:36

Many people, they are up there and they don't dare to go for it

2:22:362:22:39

and that's what you have to do to win.

2:22:392:22:41

People here in the UK still talk about your great win in '76.

2:22:412:22:45

Not the skiing, of course,

2:22:452:22:46

but when you beat Kevin Keegan in the Superstars cycling!

2:22:462:22:50

LAUGHTER

2:22:502:22:51

That was a lot of fun because that was dangerous.

2:22:512:22:54

We did the cycling on clay, on a 400 metre circle.

2:22:542:22:58

So, that was actually very dangerous and Keegan crashed there.

2:22:582:23:01

-So, that's why, probably, I won.

-Yeah.

2:23:012:23:04

Well, he slid on the cinder track and hurt himself quite badly.

2:23:042:23:08

Yes, yes. I do remember.

2:23:082:23:11

LAUGHING

2:23:112:23:12

It was so hot, I couldn't stand the heat

2:23:122:23:14

because I'm used to cold in Austria, the snow and everything

2:23:142:23:16

and I come over there and it was incredibly hot

2:23:162:23:18

and to compete against Keegan but it was a lot, a lot of fun.

2:23:182:23:22

Then he got back on his bike and then you beat him in the re-run.

2:23:222:23:25

So, well done, again.

2:23:252:23:27

LAUGHTER

2:23:272:23:28

Well, Franz, thank you so much for taking the time to join us.

2:23:282:23:30

-You're welcome.

-Franz Klammer, ladies and gentlemen.

2:23:302:23:33

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

2:23:332:23:35

Franz Klammer there.

2:23:392:23:41

Bill and I enjoyed that a little bit, didn't we?

2:23:412:23:43

-The Kaiser!

-The Kaiser Franz.

2:23:432:23:45

It was fantastic! It's true, skiing was like that.

2:23:452:23:47

I remember, when I was skiing and I went on a school trip,

2:23:472:23:49

there was no health and safety, there was no helmets, there was no-one looking out for you.

2:23:492:23:54

You just went in jeans and a jumper,

2:23:542:23:56

you know, and the teachers were all pissed most of the time.

2:23:562:24:00

Fling yourself down!

2:24:002:24:02

Absolutely right.

2:24:022:24:03

Now, look, it's day seven of the Sochi Winter Olympics

2:24:032:24:06

and life in the confines of the village is beginning to get

2:24:062:24:09

some people down a bit.

2:24:092:24:10

One Russian snowboarder, Alexey Sobolev, thought he'd liven things

2:24:102:24:14

up a bit by putting his mobile phone number on the side of his helmet.

2:24:142:24:17

LAUGHTER

2:24:172:24:19

Now, the understanding is he was trying to get some female

2:24:192:24:21

attention or maybe he didn't understand the Olympic rules.

2:24:212:24:24

Maybe he thought it was a vote to save,

2:24:242:24:26

"To keep Alexey in the competition, call 79250...etc, etc."

2:24:262:24:31

Another Russian this week

2:24:312:24:32

broke a ski in the men's cross-country sprint final.

2:24:322:24:36

And the Canadian coach ran out to give him a replacement ski.

2:24:362:24:40

There he is doing that, explaining why he did it.

2:24:402:24:42

The Canadian said,

2:24:422:24:43

"It was like watching an animal stuck in a trap."

2:24:432:24:47

Being Canadian, I'm surprised he didn't club him over the head

2:24:472:24:49

and wear him as a coat.

2:24:492:24:51

-Is that right, Katherine?

-LAUGHTER

2:24:512:24:52

-Yeah.

-It's probably what you would have expected him to do.

2:24:522:24:55

Yeah, I got fired from my first waitressing job

2:24:552:24:57

-for joking about that.

-Did you?

2:24:572:24:59

Yeah, I put on the sandwich board, "Club sandwich is not seals." Fired!

2:24:592:25:03

Fired?

2:25:032:25:05

-LAUGHTER

-That's harsh.

2:25:052:25:07

I know! They take it very seriously.

2:25:072:25:09

Now, he's not the only team coach in the news.

2:25:102:25:15

This is the Japanese coach for the men's moguls. There he is there.

2:25:152:25:20

That is him. That's actually a scarf, I think.

2:25:202:25:23

He's very excited about his team's performance.

2:25:232:25:25

At least, I think he was.

2:25:252:25:26

Either that or he was coughing up a fur ball.

2:25:262:25:28

LAUGHTER

2:25:282:25:29

And here's one for toy, Else, the Norwegian curling team.

2:25:292:25:31

I love this shot, there they are.

2:25:312:25:33

Yes!

2:25:332:25:35

-LAUGHTER

-Wow!

2:25:352:25:37

You didn't know that but they're actually our barbershop group.

2:25:372:25:40

They're just about to sing.

2:25:402:25:42

No, it's the Norwegian look when they see the curling field,

2:25:422:25:45

it's almost like an icy catwalk.

2:25:452:25:48

So, you always have to look the best.

2:25:482:25:50

So, fashion is a big thing?

2:25:502:25:52

It's hard to be cool holding a mop though, ain't it?

2:25:522:25:54

They may look a little embarrassing but none of them is Lee Ryan,

2:25:542:25:57

so they're still winning.

2:25:572:25:59

Well, there they are, there's the Norwegian curling team.

2:25:592:26:02

Now, anyway, it's actually official now,

2:26:022:26:05

forget your downhill skiing, forget your freestyle snowboarding,

2:26:052:26:08

curling is the sexiest winter sport.

2:26:082:26:10

And how do I know that?

2:26:102:26:12

Because I've got my copy of this year's Men of Curling calendar.

2:26:122:26:15

AUDIENCE: Whoop, whoop!

2:26:152:26:17

There's the cover star, there he is.

2:26:172:26:19

Don't you hate that, when you leave your curling man outside over night

2:26:192:26:22

and when you come back, he's up on bricks.

2:26:222:26:25

LAUGHTER

2:26:252:26:26

But even better than the cover man, this is Mr May!

2:26:262:26:30

-Wow!

-Oh, no, no...

2:26:302:26:32

Don't look down, don't look down!

2:26:322:26:34

-He's in quiet good shape.

-Isn't he a Canadian?

2:26:342:26:38

-No?

-No.

-He is Canadian, he is.

-That isn't right.

2:26:382:26:42

It looks like a table decoration.

2:26:422:26:44

LAUGHTER

2:26:442:26:45

Could do with losing a couple of stone...couple of stone!

2:26:452:26:48

LAUGHTER

2:26:482:26:50

Hey, I see what you did there.

2:26:502:26:52

LAUGHTER

2:26:522:26:53

We're nearly out of time. Katherine, thank you so much for coming.

2:26:532:26:56

What do the Canadians make of us Brits

2:26:562:26:58

-and our Winter Olympics efforts?

-We love you.

2:26:582:27:01

I mean, we have a saying in Canada, "It's not the taking part

2:27:012:27:03

"but the winning that counts."

2:27:032:27:05

LAUGHTER

2:27:052:27:07

Ouch, and in Norway, what's the view, would you say?

2:27:072:27:09

Erm, we like the Spice Girls.

2:27:092:27:12

Baby Spice, Ginger Spice, Scary Spice

2:27:122:27:14

but maybe not your skiing but we like Piccadilly Circus in London.

2:27:142:27:18

Yes.

2:27:202:27:21

Bill, if there was one sport you could

2:27:212:27:23

try from the Winter Olympics, anything taken your eye this week?

2:27:232:27:25

Yeah, the one thing I really want to do

2:27:252:27:27

is the skiing and the shooting thing.

2:27:272:27:29

I think that looks just proper. That's brilliant.

2:27:292:27:33

That's like, you know, real, outdoor sports, you know?

2:27:332:27:38

None of this ice dancing.

2:27:382:27:40

-Where would be your ideal venue?

-In the West Country somewhere.

-LAUGHTER

2:27:402:27:44

-Bristol town centre?

-Somewhere like that, yeah.

2:27:442:27:46

Somewhere where you could just ski and then punch an animal.

2:27:462:27:49

LAUGHTER

2:27:492:27:51

Thank you so much! Thank you to all my guests.

2:27:512:27:53

Thank you, Katherine Ryan, Else Kass Furuseth, Aimee Fuller

2:27:532:27:56

and Bill Bailey!

2:27:562:27:57

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

2:27:572:28:01

You know what?

2:28:032:28:04

Seeing Lizzy Yarnold win the skeleton gold has inspired me.

2:28:042:28:08

After all, how hard can it be?

2:28:082:28:10

APPLAUSE

2:28:102:28:12

There we go. I'm so stoked.

2:28:172:28:20

Where's the steering wheel?

2:28:242:28:26

What a week it's been!

2:28:262:28:28

By the way, our best Winter Olympics was back in 1924,

2:28:282:28:30

when we won four medals, including

2:28:302:28:32

ones for one for lighting a pipe in an Arctic wind,

2:28:322:28:34

-calling for help without starting an avalanche...

-LAUGHTER

2:28:342:28:37

Yesterday, British speed-skater Elise Christie crashed out in

2:28:372:28:40

the 500 metres by going straight on, when everyone else was turning left.

2:28:402:28:44

Next week, she'll be going in the 1,000 metres

2:28:442:28:46

and we'll all be rooting for her.

2:28:462:28:48

Just one word, Elise, corners!

2:28:482:28:51

I do love the Winter Olympics but it has struck me

2:28:512:28:53

this week that's a lot of these sports would be improved

2:28:532:28:56

if there was another person involved trying to stop you doing it.

2:28:562:28:59

This would be even more fun if there was someone behind trying to overtake.

2:28:592:29:02

LAUGHTER

2:29:022:29:03

Or in the biathlon, they could have someone shooting back.

2:29:032:29:06

LAUGHTER

2:29:062:29:07

Cross-country skiing, angry bears in the woods.

2:29:072:29:10

Classical music's Vanessa-Mae will be skiing this week for Thailand.

2:29:102:29:14

If she wins, she can play the national anthem by herself.

2:29:142:29:16

If she loses, just a bit of sad violin music.

2:29:162:29:20

LAUGHTER

2:29:202:29:21

In the world rankings, Vanessa-Mae is currently at number 2,253,

2:29:212:29:25

two places above Bill Bailey.

2:29:252:29:27

CHEERING

2:29:272:29:29

On Monday, Jamaica will be competing in the two-man bob and given the

2:29:292:29:33

-weather they're having in Sochi, all of a sudden they're the favourites.

-LAUGHTER

2:29:332:29:37

I'm loving this ride.

2:29:372:29:38

I hear that on the corners in skeleton,

2:29:382:29:40

competitors can experience 4G,

2:29:402:29:43

which means I can update my status on the way down.

2:29:432:29:47

I'm ripping the lid off it!

2:29:472:29:49

LAUGHTER

2:29:492:29:51

That's all from Apres-ski for this week.

2:29:512:29:53

I'm Alan Davies, see you next Friday. Good night!

2:29:532:29:56

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

2:29:562:29:58

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