0:00:00 > 0:00:03It's Edinburgh, it's August, it's raining.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05I am so excited I'm going to have to twirl my umbrella.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Don't worry about it, though, if you're not here,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12cos we've got a huge selection of brilliant shows on the...
0:00:12 > 0:00:14on the...on the... Yes, the BBC iPlayer.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17All right, we're going to try and get backstage now?
0:00:17 > 0:00:19- Yes. - Sure. With that face?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21With THAT face!
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Welcome to my dressing room. It looks like a ladies' toilet.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Yes, it is a ladies' toilet,
0:00:31 > 0:00:35because the Edinburgh Fringe is nothing if not extremely glamorous.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38And, unfortunately, I think that's going to have to do it.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Does it look funny? Well, we're going to find out.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I personally find choice quite stressful.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52My nightmare is that when you die, there's actually TWO white lights.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54LAUGHTER
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Think about that for a second!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Just as a final "BLEEP you",
0:00:57 > 0:00:59can you imagine, "Come towards the light..."
0:00:59 > 0:01:01"Argh! Which one? Which one?!"
0:01:01 > 0:01:04"I can't tell you, but one of them goes to the gym."
0:01:04 > 0:01:06"No!" LAUGHTER
0:01:06 > 0:01:08My first experience of Edinburgh
0:01:08 > 0:01:11in terms of, like, doing an hour show was 2005.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15'And I got absolutely slated in the reviews,
0:01:15 > 0:01:16'and it was really disheartening.'
0:01:16 > 0:01:19So, a lot of people can't understand how you can get up on stage
0:01:19 > 0:01:22and do stand-up, tell people jokes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25But for me, there is one thing in particular
0:01:25 > 0:01:29that I could not imagine getting up and doing.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Poetry Slam. What is that exactly?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Er, I guess it's like a poetry competition.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- It's poetry sport. - Is it?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Basically, you get a fixed amount of time.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44People judge you, X Factor-style.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I thought it was either like a rap battle or it's people telling poems
0:01:47 > 0:01:48while they run at each other.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50That would be amazing.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52If I only had 15 seconds in which to compare you to a metaphor,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I would not know what to use them for.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I would just stand here looking dumb with ten figures, nine excuses,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59eight reasons to never again do this,
0:01:59 > 0:02:00and I wish that love was more like a slam poem
0:02:00 > 0:02:02with the ending in sight because if I've time this just right,
0:02:02 > 0:02:04it should be three, two, one... WHISTLE
0:02:04 > 0:02:05You!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08APPLAUSE
0:02:08 > 0:02:09'I've been told they're quite highbrow judges.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11'Like I said, slams are really different,'
0:02:11 > 0:02:14so I don't know how much they'll appreciate my bottom jokes.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Do you have one line you could maybe give us
0:02:16 > 0:02:18as a sneak for your most filthy bottom joke?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21The Call Of Duty poem is about being so
0:02:21 > 0:02:23into your online game it's really difficult
0:02:23 > 0:02:25when you need to go to the toilet.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- So one of the stanzas goes... - I love that already!
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Feel your stool's acceleration In your cruel incarceration
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Mouth is dry, exasperation In your pants, discolouration.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41That sounds like you're mixing a sonnet, with Call Of Duty,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- with shitting yourself. - What more is there?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Women have been hidden away in the history books.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49After all, it is his-story, history.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Well, this is HER story, Her-story, goddammit, this is MY story.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55And it will not be written in pencil and erased with guilt.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58It will be written in pen and spoken with courage.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00You will hear it on the radio on your way to work.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02You will study it in English.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04You will read about it on the bulletin boards
0:03:04 > 0:03:07next to the flyer about yoga for babies, because I am not ashamed.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Jeez, if that's the quality at the first heat,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17I can't imagine how the grand final is going to be.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I really want... I am going to have to go to the final.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I genuinely want to see more of that. Yeah, frightening.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Frighteningly talented, and brilliant.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27It was so good, I was terrified!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I would like to point out
0:03:29 > 0:03:35no man has ever won the BBC Fringe Slam.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Just A Minute.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46It is a radio show where you talk for...
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Just one minute. - Oh, a minute. I see, I get it!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Don't worry. This is going to be easy.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- That's a short programme! - No, it's just...
0:03:53 > 0:03:55The show's not just one minute. It's half an hour.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59I'm going to give you subject to talk about just for one minute.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03No hesitation, deviation, repetition, OK? Edinburgh Festival. Golf.
0:04:03 > 0:04:09OK. The Edinburgh Festival is happening. Right now. Here.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13All-around. There are shows, and...
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Stop. That's hesitation.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17You can't hesitate.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19This is horrific, why do people enjoy this?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I don't know. It's a pedant's dream to correct someone
0:04:22 > 0:04:25and get rewarded for it, cos you get a point if you correct someone
0:04:25 > 0:04:27and you're right to correct them.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- British like doing that, do they? - They love doing that.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Have you ever been when someone's gone, "Actually, no,
0:04:32 > 0:04:33"that's not quite correct, actually."
0:04:33 > 0:04:38I love that. Do a minute about Just A Minute, but as that guy.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39- Go. - Erm...
0:04:39 > 0:04:43OK, so, Just A Minute is basically a show hosted by Nicholas Parsons,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- it's had 900 shows. - Repetition!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Why? - Shows.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50- Shows. - You said "show" again.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Correct, well done. That was a test for repetition.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- 900 shows, people... - Wait! Repetition.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Oh, my God! I'm getting this all wrong.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- It's all right. - That's how difficult it is.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- I don't think we're good at it. - No, we're not.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04But you know who is really good at it?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07The funniest fan letter I ever got, or the most delightful one,
0:05:07 > 0:05:09was from an American, and he is George Adams,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12he is mentioned in the book, cos he wrote to me and said,
0:05:12 > 0:05:15"Why is Just A Minute not on the World Service?
0:05:15 > 0:05:16"We love it."
0:05:16 > 0:05:18And I wrote back and said, "The World Service,
0:05:18 > 0:05:19"in their lack of wisdom
0:05:19 > 0:05:22"have decided that they're only going to put on programmes which
0:05:22 > 0:05:26"emphasise the culture and background and so forth of the British nation."
0:05:26 > 0:05:29And he wrote back and said - a lovely letter - he said,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32"Nothing emphasises the whole nature and background
0:05:32 > 0:05:35"and history of Great Britain than Just A Minute.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38"It is the epitome of what is Great Britain.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41"I feel so I feel so strongly, I'm going
0:05:41 > 0:05:43"to send a copy of my letter to your Prime Minister."
0:05:45 > 0:05:47And then he put at PS in, "On second thoughts,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50"I'm also going to send a copy to your Queen."
0:05:50 > 0:05:53LAUGHTER
0:05:53 > 0:05:56So, this guy, George RR Martin, is one of the stars
0:05:56 > 0:06:01at the Edinburgh Book Festival. He created a Game Of Thrones.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Have you heard of it? I've heard of it. I've just never seen it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06I know, terrible, isn't it?
0:06:06 > 0:06:11So, Celia has arranged for me to meet some of her friends.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15THEY SING GAME OF THRONES THEME A CAPPELLA
0:06:41 > 0:06:44# Game of Thrones! Game of Thrones! #
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Game of Thrones is this medieval fantasy world.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- Lots of sex? - Lots of sex.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Violence. Incest, beards.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54All the family-friendly stuff.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- Incest and beards. - Is it based in Aberdeen?
0:06:58 > 0:07:03I think maybe you could probably experience the best through dance.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06There's a musical, if you wanted to audition for Khaleesi, maybe?
0:07:06 > 0:07:10We'll just see how you go in the audition.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I think you're going to be pretty beautiful.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14It is a female part though, is it?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16It is, it is. So we're just going to...
0:07:16 > 0:07:20This is usually a skirt on Vince, but as he's quite a slight,
0:07:20 > 0:07:24feminine man, but for you were just going to make it a cloak.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25How's that?
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Do you feel maybe like you might be the Mother Of Dragons?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I feel weirdly comfortable, to be quite honest with you.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- You look really beautiful. - Thank you.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36The Mother Of Dragons, is that my part?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- The Mother Of Dragons. - I'd love to get a script through...
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Liberator Of Slaves. You're so hot, dragon fire can't even burn you.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43You can try, Michelle, OK?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I feel like I'm getting into this.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48You're going to give me, "Where are my dragons?" OK?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50And your motivation, you're searching, yeah? You can sing it.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- # Where are my dragons? - # Where are my dragons? #
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- That's so good. - Thank you.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I am your dragon, so... Impro.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06# Where are my dragons? #
0:08:06 > 0:08:08We're going to go again. I need you to search more, yeah?
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- # Where are the dragons? # - # Where are the dragons? #
0:08:12 > 0:08:14# Hey, Khaleesi, where are your dragons?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16# Where are the dragons, Khaleesi? #
0:08:16 > 0:08:19No, I'm asking you, and you've got to respond as Khaleesi.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Ah, sorry.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Keep it going, I'm in this.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I'm still in it.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Stare into the middle distance. And ask where your dragons are.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Where are my dragons?
0:08:34 > 0:08:35- Yes. - Yes.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- That was it. - Yes.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38That was it. He's got it.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Erm...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I'm going to absolutely level with you here -
0:08:45 > 0:08:50I'm not entirely sure even know what Game of Thrones is all about.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I think I'll have quite a few questions for George RR Martin.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I'm sure his stuff is great. Um...
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I'm sure it is. Sure it is.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04All you can do is write the best stories you can
0:09:04 > 0:09:07and then put it in the hands of posterity.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12The fact that people are arguing about my books
0:09:12 > 0:09:15is a sign that I take very well, you know?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Because a writer's real enemy is obscurity.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I mean... And I've been there.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I've had a long career, like, 20 years before Ice and Fire.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I gave book signings when no-one came.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30You guys are all going to be queueing up
0:09:30 > 0:09:33to get my signature here after this,
0:09:33 > 0:09:38but I remember sitting in malls behind a giant stack of my books
0:09:38 > 0:09:42and two people came in in an hour and, you know, asked me
0:09:42 > 0:09:44where the cookbooks were.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:51 > 0:09:54We're in a place called Summerhall which is a very avant-garde,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57experimental theatre space in the centre of Edinburgh,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00which I used to walk past, actually, on my way to school.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- It's not always about you. - I know it's not about me!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I think what's actually happened is we're slightly early.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- We are early. - Which is unlike us.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11And they're currently transforming this into a theatre space.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13This is called the "get in".
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Get in! I've learned that from being here.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Is that what it's called? Get in.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22It's going to be at 3.40 every day, it's the Hibrow Hour,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24and they will be live streaming
0:10:24 > 0:10:26a theatre performance from this very room.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33How many crew do you have for the 45 minute turnaround?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35It's about 12.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- 12, wow. - You can count them now,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- but everybody else pitches in. - Find somewhere else to stand.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43See what I mean? This is as live as you can get.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45We need to get out of here, we'll have a look around,
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- speak to you in a bit. Go! - We got told off, I feel bad.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52MEN SINGING
0:11:10 > 0:11:13The man who killed himself.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Allow the light and sound to convey you to the city of Kampala.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20The city built on hills and, blah blah blah, whatever he said.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24The grasshopper making the grasshopper sound - chik-a-chik! -
0:11:24 > 0:11:27as the sun begins to set over the city.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31BUZZER
0:11:38 > 0:11:43'18 years ago, a dispute arose in a wealthy man's home.
0:11:44 > 0:11:50'Who was the first to be unfaithful in love? Men or women?'
0:11:53 > 0:11:54We're on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57If you've been to Edinburgh during the Festival in August,
0:11:57 > 0:11:58this is a very familiar scene.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01This is where people are trying to sell their shows to you with flyers,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03you'll see some performance.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06It's really the hub of activity in Edinburgh in August for people
0:12:06 > 0:12:07trying to sell themselves.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09And I'm quite interested in some cabaret,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11so we're going to try and speak to some people,
0:12:11 > 0:12:14find out about their shows, and hopefully, I'm going to find
0:12:14 > 0:12:15some wonderful cabaret for us to see.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18That was my cabaret. Hopefully we'll find something better than that.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Come on, let's do this.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21BANJO PLAYS
0:12:21 > 0:12:242-for-1 today if you say, "Show me your knickers," at the box office.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- Show me your knickers? - Yeah.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- We do mine. - Mime, yeah.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Lots of people think mime is... It's funny...
0:12:34 > 0:12:35It's not funny.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39# Cos all I've waited for is you
0:12:39 > 0:12:42# If this ends now what will I do? #
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Can I get a photo with you, please? - Yeah, of course.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Thanks very much.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I see you've got the army gear on and everything.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Thank you.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Don't look too excited. Hey! Hey!
0:12:55 > 0:12:59I do pay all of these people. It's really good PR.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Just imagine Justin Bieber in a toga, that's the idea.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03- Wow! - Guaranteed Nudity,
0:13:03 > 0:13:05it's a topical comedy sketch show.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- That's the name of it? - That's the name of the show.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- It's free and guaranteed nudity. - What more could you ask for?
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Jokes?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16There is just an awful lot of shows.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Loads of shows, loads of people, loads of flyers.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21It's very difficult to choose which one's going to be a hit,
0:13:21 > 0:13:23which one's going to be a miss. I don't know.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27So, I could kind of do with someone choosing a show for me.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Let's face it, Edinburgh is completely bonkers,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32and tonight we thought it was time to rein it all in.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36# Mr Whatchacallim what you doin' tonight?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39# Hope you're in the mood because I'm feeling just right
0:13:39 > 0:13:42# How's about a corner with the table for two?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46# Where the music's mellow In some gay rendezvous
0:13:46 > 0:13:49# There's no chance romancing with a blue attitude
0:13:49 > 0:13:52# You've got to do some dancing to get in the mood... #
0:13:55 > 0:13:56THEME MUSIC
0:13:58 > 0:14:00APPLAUSE
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Hello and welcome to Edinburgh Later with the most excitable theme music
0:14:04 > 0:14:07you are likely to hear. We're all awake now, I think.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11The grown-ups have gone to bed, and so the real festival fun can begin.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Don't think I've ever been so tired.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I feel like I could actually say, "I've seen some things."
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I didn't think you could see that many things in...
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Has it been a day? Or five weeks?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I don't think it's comparable to 'Nam.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26THEY LAUGH
0:14:26 > 0:14:28APPLAUSE
0:14:28 > 0:14:30PHONE RINGS
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Private number?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35HE SIGHS
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- It's probably Domino's. - I think it's probably debt-related.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44PHONE PINGS
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Message. Are you going to listen to it?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53'Greg, hi. It's Sue Perkins here.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56'Loving...loving your work.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58'I wondered if you wanted to be on the programme?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01'Why don't you and Celia swing by the studio, 10.30 tonight?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03'Call me. Love you. Call me!'
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Erm...
0:15:08 > 0:15:11We've just been invited on to Sue's show.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- I'm not joking. - What?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- We...we would have to leave now. - When?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- To go on the show? - We need to go down right now.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21To be on the show.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28I'm actually really tired.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30It would be the most amazing opportunity ever,
0:15:30 > 0:15:34but if I have to put my shoes back on right now, I think I'm going to cry.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38I'm just back in the house.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39- You know what I mean? - I know.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41We could have not heard that.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44We'll just watch it. It's like being there, isn't it?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It's like being there.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48It's a really good show. Thanks, Sue.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Thank you so much for having me. Have a great night.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54APPLAUSE